₦airaland Forum

crackhaus:
If you can explain how the arrangement (financial, social, birthing) would be when a woman wants to be polygamous, then you will understand it's not really men who expect monogamy from women, but in fact it's in a woman's own nature to be monogamous.

Is the OP talking about monogamy as per marriage or monogamy as per sexual partners?

MurderX:
Even marriage is social and unnatural

Eziokwu?!

Nice thread.

I think the OP should be changed to 'When my child is a genius' or 'When you have a genius as a child'.

Peeps are already claiming geniuses as daughters leaving out their sons.

RisenPhoenix:
1. It's the nature of women to be attracted to strong, decisive and independent men. A man who waits for his wife to make decisions for him to obey will be seen by her as weak.

2. Also, women do not like men who are clingy; which an adoring man would inevitably be. The risk of possible loss and aloofness make the relationship exciting to a woman. A predictable man is a very boring man. If there's anything that women hate, it's boring.

1. In husband/wife relationship I would rather use love and submission which are two sides of a coin if you will.

Spouses should make decisions together so a man waiting for instructions from his wife to obey is a scenario suited for parent/children.

2. I think this is a generalization. Personally, I cannot stand drama or play mind games. This excitement thingy is sounding like Telemundo. A guy shrodded in mystery might make for a good romcom. It doesn't build trust, puts people on their toes, discourages commitment, investment, sacrifice and loyalty.

Not my cup of tea.

RisenPhoenix:
1. On the contrary, this was actual normal behaviour.



2. All forms of divorce were rare because they were frowned upon. A man might have multiple wives; all properly taken care of; but no one would have been divorced.



3. The father always gets stipends...whether Christian Muslim Hindu Buddhist or Pagan.

4. On the contrary, many of them treated their wives very well and did their duty responsibly, sacrificing their future for the children's welfare. But the children almost always have learnt to confide and favour their mothers from childhood while the father goes deliberately unappreciated. Which one of you women would tell her children that daddy had to work very hard to provide the dinner that she is serving? It's always "umm. This is delicious mummy" with the mother beaming happily. This is a recurring event in different nuances all through the life of the kids. I myself never really appreciated my father's sacrifices for us until very recently.



5. Oh I am very aware of that, thank you. That is why I have so arranged my affairs that my future financial status would neither depend on my wife's nor my children's goodwill. And even having insured my future, I still provide them with no excessive luxuries up till today; preferring to accumulate and invest my wealth in even more diversified fields so as to make sure I never fall into their hands. Upon my retirement, I should have enough to leave frugally as I do now without relying on anyone; least of all my wife and children.

1. I know. I just found the diversion funny.

2. A lot of men shipped their wives back to their inlaws' home or sent them packing. If you mean divorce as per the legal dissolution of marriage, it was non-existent though I know Igbos return bride price. I have never heard for Yorubas.

3. Not necessarily.

4. I agree with you that financially responsible fathers who have not found a way to balance other needs of their child should be appreciated and brought to the fore more. If for instance a father is almost never available because he works in other state or gets home very late from work, the mother should impress dad's contributions in the subconsciousness of the kids. The ideal would be for him to be available though.

5. Hmmmmmmmm. I believe it is easiest to treat your spouse and kids right. Hahahahahahaha @ fall into their hands. Sounds like an MFM prayer point.

thorpido:
No,but he's associating with the fad.I can understand he's into showbizness so he needs 'every' publicity.

Not necessarily.

I cannot imagine Omotola or Chioma Chukwuka saying that all their family members are Marlians.

Oga RMD has grown beyond seeking fame by dragging himself in the mud.

He could have just snapped with him and tagged him.

RisenPhoenix:
Mothers can better afford to take time off, or choose a career that is less time intensive. Even where they are partial breadwinners; a situation which I personally disapprove of; they are not held responsible if the bills are unpaid. The man is. For example, if a family gets thrown out on the streets, or children sent from school, for non payment of rent or school fees; does anyone blame the mother? No. Invariably the father is blamed because he is always held responsible; so he does not have the luxury of resigning when a job gives him no time for the kids.

This might be peculiar to your culture/environment.

Where I come from, the woman is expected to be a 'partial breadwinner' and if they are able to afford essentials, her usefulness as a wife/support is questioned.

And they are still expected to care for the home and kids.

In the Nigerian corporate world, jobs are not gender based which means even though Wife A and Husband B are working same job same hours, Wife A is still going home to care for the kids and home in a certain capacity.

Father's providing only financial support is more like a financial sperm donor.

A child needs both parents emotionally, mentally, socially, physically, spiritually etc.

payperpost:
exactly , she can then get the man thinking with his manhood rather than his brain, its possible , just bang his brain off, Op! do you know how to bang a man's brain off? if you can get him speaking in tongue, then you are almost there

Do you run practical classes? Perhaps OP can subscribe and get her dream man.

You not well one bit

crackhaus:
How do you figure?

You tell me.

RisenPhoenix:
Yes.

No. I am not a red piller. I developed my beliefs long before I read the books of people like Rollo Tomassi & co, and I still believe that some of their theories are extreme. For example, a red piller sees it as a battle of supremacy between the genders; I do not. I think the genders are complementary; if everyone follows his role faithfully. I also see that plundering a woman sexually with as little commitment as possible as cheating her, but the trade should be fair; she should not be permitted to plunder his pocket either just with an unfulfilled promise of sex; nor accept gifts that are not comensurate with the quantity or quality of sex she is ready to give to him. That is why I am a firm believer in the concept of marriage which to me, is a long-term trade contract exchanging exclusive sexual favours and childcare duties for permanent financial stability.

Interesting.

A totally traditional view.

@bold: you believe women do men a favour by having sex with them? By extension, you believe in upholding women's chastity above men's?

What is your view on polygamy?

sleit:
I've got coarse hair that's difficult to comb unless I thread it.

Kindly share softening tips.

Greenhouse method works.

Apply extra virgin olive oil to damp hair and wrap overnight.

You can add shea butter to the hair in the morning to lock in the moisture.

Spraying a mixture of olive oil + glycerine & rose water regularly before styling or making works for me.

payperpost:
how he has been eyeing OP since day 1, in that meeting ..

Ow!

Mutual eyeing.

And since he saw her, he realized she is not after the naira

payperpost:
Op! just go to his house dress up like a slut and bang his brain off , such men are weak and the rest will be history .
he will confess everything to you!

Eziokwu!

Confess what?

crackhaus:
Simple and short.

But it will be very hard to pull off when we know she is really after his money

I need to upgrade you from brother crackhaus to prophet crackhaus.

The girl needs to be very patient.

RisenPhoenix:
Do you mean the earlier years when a wife would call her husband "my lord" and kneel down to serve him his food which she has spent 6 hours preparing? And later ask him whether she should go to his hut to await his pleasure?

Ah! Those were the days when men were not mice. And do you know, women really loved those genre of men; you rarely heard of divorce then.

Very funny

@bold: Sounds romance novel worthy.

Divorce initiated by women you mean. The men dumped the wives and/or married new wives when tired/offended.

I am referring to the men you complained about.

It is easy to conclude that the old men are maltreated/abandoned by their wives and kids at old age.

We need to investigate how he treated them when they were younger. A lot of men chest and maktreat their wives forgetting they will grow old and power would change hands to the kids.

Bar exceptions, most of those men treated their wives and kids like shit during their younger years. I know someone who washed his hands off his kids because they were all girls and the mother struggled to put them through.

The father is only getting stipends because of Christianity's teaching on forgiveness.

Someone who see that type of man neglected and come up with theories how men are discarded at old age.

Like a senior colleague would say, life is turn by turn PLC.

You think you have the upper hand today, tread with caution. You do not know what tomorrow holds.

milemimi93:
I am not angry or complainingI am just shocked and feeling guilty.. I had to take her to a shopping mall to buy her stuffs. Getting to the mall I told her to pick any thing she wants that I will pay.

she picked just 3 things. When we got to the counter the cashier said the bill is 870.
I was shocked again that she didn't get more things for herself. With joy, I gave the cashier 1000 and told him to keep the change.

I am liking the girl already

emeijeh:
When is the wedding date?

If she had not paid, what would you have done?
Considering the bill was over 6k more than what you budgeted ?

Hahahahahahaha!

I thought the OP is in a relationship?

He is going on dates less than 4 days into the new year?

RisenPhoenix:
If it was the psychological imperative to focus attention on those who value, adore and obey you, then it should work regardless on the source of that value, adoration and obedience. In reality, this is not so; as you yourself admitted.



I don't even believe in the concept of love; especially as applied to how women feel. They feel that they 'possess' the children; I have observed that in ALL of them. One even affirmed it here by saying that "women feel that children are their own flesh while the husband is another flesh". She was right about how they feel. It's an ownership thing; like an asset in your name; maybe an investment portfolio with potential future financial benefits. When you have such an investment, your attention will be focused on the stock market like an eagle's.

And don't believe that a husband gets more 'love' if he adores, values and obeys his wife. At some point; usually early in the marriage, she will see him as weak and contemptuous; especially with the obedience aspect. Certainly, once he grows old and is no longer her primary source of funds (i.e. useless), he will be rapidly discarded by the wayside, while she cashes in on her backup investment that she has trained from childhood for just this event. How many old men do you see sitting all alone at home smoking garri while their 'wives' go on neverending international jamborees with their 'joint' children all in the name of 'grandmotherly childcare'.

Just wait till you get old and non performing bro; before your grown up children can give you N5, they would have given their mother 50. I have seen this happen time and time again. Remember me on that day.

Tell us how the husbands treated the wives and kids in the earlier years when he had the 'power'.

Intelligentbabe:
Hi guys, sorry for the disturbance. I am pretty popular here, but had to open a new account:

A little about me: I am a lady of 27 years and I own a digital marketing and branding firm. I have not been in a relationship in the last 2 years, not because I don't want to, but because I am being careful not to date the wrong person.

So, I met a man late last year, when I went for a meeting. His company was to award a contract to my firm, so i had to see him in person as I am the owner of the firm, and he is the owner of his. As soon as as he entered the board room, and i set my eyes on him, i liked him (that was the first time such ever happen to me).

As time went on, we started talking, and our relationship moved from professional to friendship. He has told me of his past relationships and how he has been used and cheated on by his past girlfriends. And his belief now is that anyone that gets close to him definitely wants something.

The thing is I like this guy genuinely and I think he fancies me too. He is 80% what I want in a man. But his past relationship has really messed up his mind to thinking that the only thing girls want from him is his money.

My question is this:
How do I let him know that I like him genuinely and not really because of his money.

Warning: I am conservative about a number of things.

To you OP:

A man signifies his interest in a woman and she accepts or rejects.

Since you 'think' he is interested in you, make yourself warm and receptive to him. Smile, your body language should reflect receptiveness etc.

As to convincing him that you are not after his money: be yourself and the man would be able to deduce if you are after his money or not.

Since you claim previous relationships damaged him (from his own story), he needs to have that mindshift about you himself. You can't do that for him else in future, he will still think you are after his money, snap and make you the scapegoat for all the women who left him high and dry.

Can you share with us what you like "about him that makes up the 80%?

RisenPhoenix:
The husband values his children. He is ready to lay down his life for them and frequently does so by staying in a job he hates; day after day; just to see them smile when he buys a new toy or a book for them. Almost any dad will die for his kids to live an extra year. We do not spend as much time with our kids because we CANNOT, and not because we don't want to.

Mothers have been able to combine jobs they hate with making time for their kids.

I think fathers should do more. I will however say the fathers of today are more interested in the totality of their kids' lives.

RisenPhoenix:
I think she will seem him as one...sooner or later.

On the average, you think a wife would see such an husband as a doormat?

Why? Personal recurrent examples or theories from red pillers?

crackhaus:
That guy's logic is solid if you really water it down

I don't agree with his view of marriage.

I read further and saw he is a Muslim.

Might not have quoted him if I had prior knowledge of his religion.

crackhaus:
Nah it's not 'placing limits', but rather fine-tuning the context considering that you brought in a different context of two guys trying to win a woman to buttress your point.

Regarding your second paragraph:
The topic is talking about love, not attention. Giving attention to someone because their station temporarily requires it does not automatically translate into having more love for that person.
So while a husband who happens to adore, value, respect, and obeys his wife will get her ultimate love because of the power it accords her , the little child(ren) will still get more attention because their station requires it.

In a situation where the husband is lacking in all the above, then both love and attention is given to the child(ren).

@bold:

You make it sound like it is a bad thing for a man to be like that to his wife.

RisenPhoenix:
You said and I quote; "the psychological imperative is to focus attention on those who value, adore and obey you...". Now you are trying to place limits on the subject. Your theory falls to pieces in that case, because the primary variable is no longer the value, love and obedience you are receiving, but the person who is providing it. It is as good as saying that women focus their attention on their children more than their husbands, period.

To further buttress my point that you are wrong, do you honestly believe that a woman will focus more attention on her husband if he happens to value, adore and obey her more than her children do? On the contrary, she would positively HATE such a doormat of a husband .

You think a husband is a doormat if he values, adores and obeys his wife?

RisenPhoenix:
Lol. If that were to be true, the nicest, most adoring, most attentive and most respectful guy will always win the gal. But we know this to be totally untrue, don't we?

For humans, the psychological imperative is not to focus more attention on those who value them the most. It is to focus most attention on those whom THEY value the most. Fact!

Going by this theory, who does the husband value most since he neither spends his time with his wife nor his kids?

CorperKola:
I find it very baffling, really baffling how a woman who stayed at home taking care of children while i was building my business would after the business succeeds have the temerity to tell me she owns half
If i had hired a maid all those time, maybe she would say she is entitled to half of my business too. Its jst very funny
In any case Nigeria doesnt recognise that western mentality
Because for instance, the man could have 3 wives
So all the wives would claim half.
There is nothing like 3 wives in America.
U better advice your mum, you guys could actually lose everything.
If i have an actual employee that works with me for those years to build the business for say say 30 years, its only my responsibility to compensate him accordingly or promote him so that his position and salary will be very high.
do you know i could sack anytime jst like an ployee that started work last year
And he cant dare approach any court to say he is entiltled to half of my property.
The idea jst sounds very stupid to me.
Anyway
Your mum is jst pained cos she has a rival, ur dad should have gotten a second wife earlier not now
And you, okay you are a girl, no wonder, if it was a guy that really had a lot of influence of his father, you would jst advice your dad to be fair to his 2 wives.
And still make your mum feel like the senior wife with special privileges.
And appealing to your mum to calm down and not take things up to level of divorce.
Cos the court will see she is jst jealous and there is no real cause
You even said they did traditional marriage
I am sorry for you.
You should be playing peacemaker
Again, you may lose out on everything in the end

Since you are comparing a wife to an employee:

Do you intend to pay your wife on a monthly basis? Pay bonus? Promote her and up her pay when she performs well?

Would she also seek better employment elsewhere? You know seek newer challenges outside?

veteranExboy:
House, I met my current girlfriend in 2016 when she was in 100 level. I asked her to date me but got turned down. After several attempts to woo her, I gave up and decided to delete her contact because I hate being friend zoned.

Her reason was she had a boyfriend who was in another state schooling. Within 2016 and 2018 she called me twice and was not happy that I didn't have her number (I kept on asking who was speaking the two times she called) but I never stopped telling her I'm not going to be her friend because that's not what I want from her. I want a relationship.

Fast forward to may 2019, we met coincidentally and I got her contact again. I asked for a date, she agreed. We met at the joint, but she came along with a friend (after asking me 5 minutes before we met, I agreed). After the lunch (not a date anymore), we spoke at night and she agreed to date me after I asked again. She was single by this time.

Some of my male friends think I'm crazy because it took her all that time before she agreed to date me but I feel she was right not to double date and she said she didn't have any feelings for me then.

Please House, am I crazy because I still had interest in her after 3 years?

You might want to find out about her life all those three years.

Reffone:
Please this be no joke my parents have had a rough path for 17years now and a marriage of 27years things seem not to work out no more and she is fed up and want to leave cause my father is married to another woman who seems to manipulate him and has no single child, my father is well to do so she wants to know her choices what she stands to gain or lose along the process please my lawyers in the house help out

Go to an 'honest' lawyer who will tell you want your mum's chances really are.

What is the profile of you the kids? Is your mum currently earning?

What is your dad's responsibility towards you guys currently? Does he sponsor you guys through school? Care for your mum financially?

How can a guy give a Girl N195k with a week of knowing her? Is he working for his money?

How can a girl be so greedy to dupe a man willing to send her N195k in a week?

95k for hair? Spending N950k on champagne and the fast life.

Honestly, that girl cannot come out of poverty even if she tried.

Tomorrow, the men would be screaming that the ladies are only after money.

thorpido:
This generation...........smh

Does RMD qualify as this generation again?

EmmBim:
OCT 12th

Awwww, my younger sis' mate.

October babies are very plenty on this thread.