₦airaland Forum

francafrank: abi?

Na so ma'am

coogar: women are the same everywhere - every woman is wired the exact same way.

Epic fail!

jennykadry: TBH, sometimes what some women want can be very unrealistic

True and same can be said for men. There are socially unstable humans all around us.

If a man/woman finds out that the needs/demands of his/her partner are unreasonable, then it's time to take a walk.

coogar: i think this is the time to ask - what do women really want?



this is another strong point.
intelligent women don't even drag issues with their partners. they know what to do behind closed doors to make him change his mind completely. it's a rare skill many ladies lack.

Every woman is different and will want different things. The key is to find out what 'your woman' wants

justplainpaul: Thats the problem with some of u women. you demand equality with men. which is not right and will never happen. two captains cannot rule a ship just like a country cannot have two presidents. there will be lots of problems when this happen. when two he-goats drink water in the same bucket, they are bound to lock horns and fight. what am trying to say is that women should understand that God did not create them equal with men but created them to be submisive and helpful. now a wise woman will be submisive and helpful and at the same time use her FEMININE WISDOM to dissuade him from using his advantage to ride roughshod over her.

There is no use discussing with you anymore.

Op, please note the book and DON'T read it

justplainpaul: Lol. But there is no man here with complains. we are talking about abused women here. so we should talk from the angle were women can find a solution to their problems. The general principle is how a woman can SUBMIT TO CONQUER. About how the power of a woman lies in her being a woman. that her power as a woman lies in what men ignorantly perceive as weakness. her power is in her ability to appear fragile while making her husband feel he is all poweful. it is in her ability to make her husband believe that she is obedient, submissive, loyal and totally depedent on him. when she has achieved this, then she will be able to motivate her husband to do whatever she wants. she should not use this ability of hers for her own selfish interest, else it backfires. she should quietly inspire him to achieve great things for her family and her community. this is the express way to her own happiness and fulfillment.

Interesting.... esp the bolded.

You believe when she doesn't appear 'fragile or totally dependent' she can't be submissive or be a good wife?

I have no problem with submission as God requires it from wives to their husbands.

However, my problem is what people esp. husbands have defined submission to mean. God also expects men to love their wives and the wives submit to create a balance.

Do you know we are to submit to each other as Christians?

Think of how you envision a wife to behave to her husband... with all these be weak be fragile advice

Do you think that is what God expects

justplainpaul: The book is about a woman whose marriage was about to end in a divorce. However, she, consults an old woman who gives her ideals that she uses to make her home a paradise of love, peace, happiness and wealth. seriously i have read this book over and over again, and as a man i believe that any woman who understands and uses the ideas expressed in this book will make her husband love her unconditionally no matter how wicked and devilish he is.

Interesting!

So now a man can be wicked and devilish and instead of advising the man to change or undergo therapy, the woman should keep eroding and killing her spirit so that the hubby 'change' and 'reward' her with cars or jewelry?

One of the root problems is that the men are spoilt and the women are expected to adjust to suit the man's misbehavior.

Please share the principles and ideas in the book

justplainpaul: Aunty swagg no kwams. no problemo. dem dey hide my posts self. so i go carry my madness go another place. but b4 i go, i go recommend one book for u weh i hope say e go help for your marriage. the name of the book na THE WISEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD by Lawrence ossy okeke. try get am, he go help u well well.

Can you please summarize what the book is about so that the ladies go back to read what ruins their self esteem more.

I have always said that the demonic advice of 'stay for your kids' is just that... demonic!

Most abusers saw the abuse first hand in their homes and thought it was normal. What do you want to tell a lady that saw her father abuse her mother and is still consulted on marriage matters? What of a woman who endured cheating and is still the 'women leader' of the church?

How do you except the son from such a home to react? What of women who are trained that they are lesser beings? Girls who do all the chores while their younger brothers crossed legs in the sitting room with 'daddy'? What of a girl trained that she is different from her brother at an early age?

What of the church that keeps quiet during abuse or teach women to be more submissive as men are always angry?

What of women who think that it is ok for men to cheat as far as he doesn't bring home a 'bastard or second wifey?' or the ones that are prepping acid for their hubby's girlfriends since the husbands cannot control their kini?

Our society needs a complete overhaul when it comes to the issue of abuse of all forms.

coogar: epic stories here....
nigerian men must be predominantly brutish & grizzly beasts. if what i'm reading here is correct then what's the point dating nigerian men?

It was considered normal still some years back.

What do you think always inspires the 'pray, wear black bra red pant' advises you read here?

Afam4eva: It was in Brazil that a man changed his face to a dog's face.

It was also in Brazil that a man wants to marry his goat

...and now this...Is it that there's no more fun things to do in Brazil again or these people are just plain stup1d.

And it is human hair from that same brazil that some of our women use

Odikwa very serious!

Dannylux: Modernity.

Ask again.

Lol!

I knew you would say that. Do you think that the whites were always this way? They too became 'modernized'. Some American pastors still pray that Americans can go back to their culture of old.

The moment we all realize that the world is evolving, the better for us. There is nothing like 'westernization' the way we use it. In the past, whites wore wigs, corsets, ridiculous gowns, gloves, sweeping gowns, bonnets, hearts, bodices, fought with swords, called everyone Maám, Sir, etc. How many did Nigerians copy? How many Americans do we know still do them?

Ama28: For me, I wouldn't really blame her as a mother. Its normal to try and defend your kids!
But since he was not caught in the act and there were no evidence of such, she would have handled the matter in-house. Moreover the case didn't go to court so why the publicity.

Mothers should not leave their daughters in the custody of their father alone.
Its wrong, yes this man didn't do this but we have seen worse cases than this!

They just need to sort the father out and keep begging for forgiveness!
Poor man!

Dannylux: Westernization had doomed us!! Never forget where You're coming from, never forgo your tradition!!

What is westernization?

stillwater: If you see the way they pretend on those Osu threads ehn you would think they have changed. Apparently NOT!

I actually find it embarrassing that location of a wedding is what is giving some people sleepless nights.

Wake up to NL!

Everyone changes to whatever suits them at every thread.

njokusboy: If he really wants to honour the man, let him give him some gud money to start up sumtin with.. How does acting as the mans bestman, raise his standard of living.. Matter of fact his cost of living would rise becos pple would start ecpecting more from him... Mtschew

It is not all about money

If he gives him money to start a business, the business might fail.

It's in history that a serving Governor was his bestman. I am sure that's a first any where in the world!

Who are the people expecting from him? Infact, the ignoring of 'people' is the beginning of fulfillment in Nigeria.

jidegirl12: .

See this woman

How bout Sarah Fagurson and Di , are they from Royal families?

So you know other examples of commoners who married/had relationships with the royal family and yet their culture has not evolved?

Afam4eva: Foreign culture...First, it's that we mustn't hold our traditional wedding in our ancestral home. Very soon, it will be that, we mustn't invite elders from the village. We can make do with the elders that are where we're based. Whether or nor they're from our village or tribe. Then very soon, it will graduate to, why must we even wear our traditional attire in our traditional wedding, why not a suit or evening gown. Afterall the world is a global village...Is it not better to just not do a traditional marriage than to make a mockery of it. Afterall, a lot of Nigerians have come to embrace White Wedding as the main wedding while the Traditional wedding is peripheral.

Which foreign culture dictates your post?

So you are telling me that in 2050, if the whole of Nigeria became urban, traditional marriage might be scrapped.

In the days of old, was the trad not done where the family of the girl resides? What is the use of going to the village if her family is in Lag or any other location?

Some people don't even know some of their family members before the trad.

It is well o.

Afam4eva: If i get your comment, i don't expect us to remain the way we were but our culture is gradually being eroded and in no distant future, the only thing that will be cultural about us, is our skin color. Let's take it jeje and also export our culture to other parts of the world and not always being the one importing.

Which culture are we importing?

jidegirl12: You dey mind them (Nigerian women especially) ?

Anybody except the Queen and her family is a 'commoner' but our own dey rubbish their own culture in name of 21st century.

**It's either you are for it or against it.... No need foaming from two sides of your mouth.

Ish

Really?

I guess you have nothing against polygamy, female circumcision or wife battery and dehumanization.

Like you said, you are either for it or against it.

Afam4eva: It beats me why it's only Nigerian and African culture that is evolving. I'm yet to see other cultures taking something from Africa. We're always the ones on the receiving side.

So you think the where the world was in 1700 is the way it is save Nigeria?

ileobatojo: My dear you are busy speaking big grammar. You already know that not everyone can discern deep concepts.

The same hypocrites that will balk at the idea of a woman staying at home while her husband cares for her are the same ones that want to embrace all culture with wide open arms. Funny as heck!

God bless NL and Nigeria!

Suddenly, we are all culture conscious!

From the people who don't know their dialect to those who can't speak it. Some don't own a piece of traditional clothing nor give their kids native names. Some even boast they do not eat local foods to importing pants from US.

I guess they all trek to their farms daily with their bubas and soros or choose 3rd wives for their husbands

pazienza: Of what use is queen of England to england in this modern era,why haven't they scrapped their monarchy totally,since according to you,culture should be dynamic?

Does scraping totally and evolving dynamically mean the same to you?

Is it how the British monarchy was that it is now?

Is kate from the royal family?

pazienza: Why do we still talk of queen of England in 2013?

What is the correlation between your post and mine?

Culture is a way of life of a group of people over time. Culture is dynamic and evolves. Culture is made for man and not the other way around.

Everyone does whatever rocks their boats jare

Are we having this discussion in 2013? Lol!

zeb04: Funny tho am happy d table is turnin arnd

You are happy a woman is beating her husband?

What is the joy there or am I missing something?

coogar: really? ;
our own saintly nigerian women discriminate against their fellow nigerian females? nah - i don't want to believe that. every nigerian woman would make heaven by default. they are too righteous.

Read NL and your beloved 'society!'

I sometimes wonder if there is an innate hatred women have for each other

[quote author=fresh_dude]You people should stop perpetrating this idea that Nigeria is a different society and as such the basic laws of relationship do not apply. People divorce in Nigeria and move on with their lives, and the worst that could happen is tongues wagging. What happens when a life is cut short because of the fear of busybody people? More tongue-wagging.
A woman died in my neighbourhood because of high blood preesure-related problems and tongues wagged. Bros it's a no-won situation.
#kosogbon to leda[/quote]A breathe of fresh air...

maybe there are types of Nigeria anyways...

Coogar,

Scrap the society part in your posts and change it to women!

It is women who discriminate more...

AjanleKoko: You don't seem to get it.
Are you not Nigerian?
Most Nigerians would rather their female children die in their husband's house than get a divorce.
Even where it is glaring that this case is a foregone conclusion, they will keep trying to force the wife to stay in the marriage, at least 'for the sake of the children'.

I am from Mars.... Lol!

I agree with you. However, the woman knows where the shoe is pinching her. it's her life or death at the end of the day.

These days, most Nigerian families advice on separation while they resolve the issues esp. when physical violence is involved

coogar: ask the ladies in nigeria that are honest....they would tell you the society pretty much dictates most things....



b[everywhere 2-3 nigerians gather, cheap gossip exists there. you forget this women also go to church. how would they keep up the lie that they have a beautiful marriage? siddon there - the same nigeria where women but cars for themselves and run to facebook that her husband bought it just to appeal to the romantics.......[/b]



it's the society.....
no one wants to be associated with failure especially those ones that did a societal wedding. they would do everything to keep the abuse undercover.

Well, here is a twist...

The woman paints herself very well as a victim and people throw pity party for her all over

Nashville: What stupid society are we talking about here? Is it not the same society here on Nairaland. 90% of the people here have condemned it and 70% of people think she should get a job or leave.

I dont care about any society. One man married one woman. One man is beating one woman, which one concern society. Even Fashola has established a new law that makes it an offense punishable by jail term. Please lets stop talking about society. Is the society feeding her or wiping her tears? All this silly mindsets people have of some non-existent society. Its all in the mind. The society everyone has are family and a few close friends.

Defender of the brethren!

For the life of me, I do not know the 'society' cougar is referring to.

I have never seen a man or woman bulled on the streets because he/ she is divorced. what is my business with neighbors on the next street? (if I even know them sef)