₦airaland Forum

DeeMain:
crackhaus

This debate is going round in circles.

If A fails to provide leadership B should. No need for 2 mad people. It's a recipe for chaos and dysfunction.

Plead:
Hmmm

Y’all are just deflecting from the OP

DeeMain:
I was talking about providing leadership with an educated emotion.

Read all my posts prior on this thread.

DeeMain:
Whoever said verbal abuse is okay? I already said it can kill here!!!

Responding to verbal abuse with physical violence is equally evil.

There are two mad people involved in both.

There is a better way.

That's the summary of all I wrote prior.

DeeMain:
Exchanging physical violence for verbal abuse? I see two mad people. How many mad people do you see?

DeeMain:
See the problem, when you respond to provocation with violence, there is no human thinking involved. It's purely letting the animal instinct within us shine. No marks there. A murder charge, life sentence or a lighter sentence. Or a broken home where trust is shattered.

Humans can think of purpose, of consequences, can begin with the end in mind and allow it guide their responses. We can pause and educate our animal side before we respond.

If I beat up my wife for verbally abusing me, I've given up leadership on how to behave right in my home. I haven't thought about the effect on the home, the fear and tension it can unleash in the home or the examples I want to set for my kids. There is no vision. This home is visionless.

Where there is no vision, the family perish, children suffer, love becomes comatose. That is the recipe for a dysfunctional home, sir.

If your wife knew better she would behave better. So you can teach her through example. Example is better than precept.

Emotions can be educated. Emotions can become intelligent.

Prettiedame:
Do I look like someone interested in meaningless Nairaland arguments? I doubt.

Jadeobee:
Hi

I’m currently pregnant for my husband and I’ve just been wondering after vaginal birth if it goes back to normal. I’ve heard instances where men will tell their wives it feels the same, but it’s only to make them feel good about themselves.

I think this question is mainly directed to men because I feel like sometimes we women like to deceive ourselves with lies. Does sexual intercourse feel the same with someone who has had a child? Also can you tell the difference between someone who has a child and someone who doesn’t even if they don’t tell you? I just want to have a discussion about this.

Thanks.

UyaiIncomparabl:
That's my boy. I'm well pleased with your comment.

bukatyne:
2 & 3 take the cake.

I don't know why people would not rather prevent than trying to cure.

Someone who is raped cannot be unraped and the mark is almost forever, someone who was robbed almost never forgets...

Why do we like to put ourselves through the mess and be crying for solutions?

Some of our proverbs are rich and I think should be re-introduced to our kids ' curriculum.

Like my people would say (translating). A knife cut a child's hand and you threw it away. Has the knife not caused destruction by cutting the hand or can the knife uncut the hand?

Or there is little poo on the corner of a plate and they tell you to clean it and keep eating. If you clean and keep eating, can you erase it from your mind?

God help us.

CsRockefeller:
Gosh!!

What's wrong with you? Behaving like an 18 year old.

Who told you that you can't live without her and she's the best thing to happen to you? Negodu the epistle you wrote because of woman.

If u don't have money to marry her, free her na.

You are just being worried about nothing.

The most important issue (your finances) is staring u at the face and you are crying over a lady. See, let me just tell you basic reality, you don't really need a woman to love you, what you need is for her to respect you.

That means when she sees you, she sees someone who can defend her morally, financially, be her guide tru wisdom. Has your ego ever been inflated just by a woman telling you she loves you?

Wake up man.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Crackhaus. Food don done for you.
Oya, come bash the poor girl.

DeeMain:
I liked your earlier comment but disagree with this one.

Words are guns. Words can kill. Words can maim and destroy and warp. Agree.

But to give free pass to violence in the altar of evening the scores for verbal abuse is to play the animal. We are not animals. We have a higher thinking brain that can educate our primitive animal brain. This is what sets us apart from animals. We can pause and think before we respond.

Between stimuli and response is a gap. Humans can fill that gap with a sense of purpose, with control, with love. We can interpret differently.

It's why even people who commit crimes of passion go to jail.

I say no to responding to verbal abuse with physical abuse. Run, flee, hit the wall or reframe the situation - interpret it differently.

If we interpret such verbal abuses differently we will respond differently. There is always a choice. It's the nature of freewill .

Prettiedame:
Some people here try too hard. The meaning of violence is clear

midnighter:
I cant believe the level of sentimentality abounding in this thread.

How can you wilfully ignore a clear case of provocation just to prove a point? This is exactly why domestic violence victims are not taken seriously.

I dont know if its some kind of misplaced or warped idea of feminism or what but I cant understand it at all. People should respect their boundaries if they dont want to invite trouble, simple!

Even in nursery schools the teacher will ask why one of them beat the other one. But apparently screaming in somebodys face in the middle of the night is simply "expressing your opinion" smh

midnighter:
You keep misunderstanding the term "level the playing field"

Level the playing field is using a verb whilst youre taking it as a level playing field which is a noun. The person you quoted already stated that he wasnt trying to equate violence and nagging, but youre still asking if theyre the same.

Physical violence is not "level" with nagging. But in an attempt to make things fairer, which is what "level the playing field" means, you must take into account the provocation that led to the assault.

Even if he were to go to jail, due to provocation the sentence he would receive would be less than the sentence he would receive if he had just entered the house and started beating her up.

And that "split lip" stuff is just an emotive statement because if you slap somebody on their mouth, their lip will hit their teeth and split. If you slap with the same level of force on their cheek, they wont necessarily bleed will they

So that she's bleeding or not bleeding isnt even the point here because we dont know what the damage is until we see a photograph and get a medical report.

Nigerians or no Nigerians, what youre saying is just not fair.

sassysure:
Ha!
It's only òga that's allowed to look from behind.

Else,.......

armyofone:
Oh! The humanity of it!

sassysure:
I just dey look you

joyandfaith:
I like your submission. her husband will cry in his old age because children will abandon him. most men are suffering in their old age because they mistreated their wives with no good reason. if you see any child that hates his mother, such mother is wicked.

armyofone:
Or one of those that can do housework from dawn to dusk while forming ndi awon big boyz like my beastie Crackhaus

sassysure:
That one, forget him.

sassysure:
You

merahki:
Don’t tell me you believe that obvious troll?
I don’t know the pleasure people derive from falling over themselves to be weird and contrary in this place
It’s funny most times but for some reason? This particular OP I find very irritating
Maybe cos the post is totally devoid of humour or wit?
Just an uninspiring troll work

bukatyne:
@Sassysure, yes

@crackhaus: *coughing*

fatymore:
Sebi you said I have low IQ abi

bukatyne:
Last I heard, it is much more complex to determine and not 100% authentic.

Cos I am thinking, if it is not the father, the next thing is confirm the mother is really the mother.

bukatyne:
Well, it is the woman's trust on the line.

I wonder when it would be developed to test for maternity too.

Some of these cases are babies switched at birth.

fatymore:
must you reply

sassysure:
The guy matter tire people. Since he was separated from the wife before the divorce, he felt he is a bachelor so he can do as he pleases.
It's just a case out of so many.
Our men, oh well, may God help us. And the women are reciprocating. All join
What gives me joy is that we still have good people.