₦airaland Forum

Cant we tackle issues without bias for the sake of our nations progress? Igbo this, Yoruba that, Hausa did, Ijaw said, haba! Point is child trafficking/kidnapping is bad and affects all tribes. The way i see it some people just capitalised on the Igbo culture of not accepting kids born out of wedlock. They can sell and become eligible spinsters again in the twinkle of an eye! Same people will condemn others for being lenient with teenage mothers and their kids. Not a great idea to encourage promiscuity but better to let people learn from their mistakes than encourage them to become baby merchants. We are all affected one way or the other. No wonder there are so many wild and uncontrollable kids these days. Carry Amaka genes to Bolanle/Talatu house or vice versa without understanding the roots, why problem no go show face?

Any meaningful ideas on how this can be stopped instead of the usual tribal rantings please?

Why dont you see a doctor/psychologist for counselling? Your mind is the most important thing. If you have a strong will and you appreciate the fact that you are risking your life, you can make up your mind to change. I lost an inlaw years back cos of liver disease and ulcer arising from heavy drinking and irregular feeding. Still makes me sad when i remember how he suffered. DO SOMETHING FAST!!!

@Aji Harem
God bless you. Learnt so much from your unbiased research findings.

@Poster
Awwwww! Thats really nice to hear. U are both truly blessed and God will bless your home with more love, understanding and patience.

This is Nekede, Owerri not Ede! Cant understand why there should be so much violence to communicate their grievance on the increase of fees.

@ Poster

Judging from all your posts on this issue, you are a marvelous husband! I agree with those who say you need to be firm with her and probably avoid saying sorry to her when you offend her too to let her see how it feels. Her being jobless can make her moody atimes but its no reason to disrespect you. Good that she has gone to the village. I don't think she can narrate the real story there which gives you the chance to ignore her and wait for her to come back to her senses. She will have enough time to reflect, see another side of life and listen to older women who are likely to make her see her folly. When shes battle weary she"l come back home.

I dont want to scare you but the truth is many women sometimes have mood swings due to some biological and emotional issues. Probably why people who dont know how to manage it divorce after many years of weathering the storm the wrong way. With your level of commitment and the steps you are taking, you should be able to stick together. Keep being a good husband and great dad but put your feet down strongly like a man whenever she crosses the boundary.Still help her with chores when you have the time cos only real men who are self confident can do that without feeling stupid. You also earn your children s respect all through life. You clearly love her so stop threatening her with divorce, it can be counter productive. I pray that she starts something soon to keep her busy and less prone to silly tantrums. A wise woman avoids denigrating her husband in the presence of her children and others. There are more decent ways of passing the message across. If you are xtians, she should read Proverbs 31:10-31 to remind herself of what a good wife is. Wish you the best.

@190
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!

Depression is a terrible state of mind as i understand it. Quite close to mental illness and requires the utmost care in terms of medical and family support beyond material things. The person needs to be certain of being loved for who she is without any immediate pressures to live up to society's standards. She should have been taken to a psychiatrist or counselor. What a pity!

I feel u o, u be good man. If na big wedding u want, u fit beg her to wait for after school but u go stil carry kola and wine go im papa house to show say u dey responsible. To me sha, big wedding no dey neccessary. I tink say quiet wedding go help una save cost to buy pampers and baby food later. Also to invest and start her on a business for beta future. Explain to her, if she sabi our culture, she will know say ur family must have small enjoyment after all de years of sufferhead. God go make am easy for u as u be beta person with good intention for efribody.

@poster
To avoid trouble, avoid her. It sounds more like lust than love to me.

See a doctor and talk to Funmi Akingbade of Punch newspaper {saturdays}. But must you go for a second round when ur man is exhausted?

Nigerians just need a conducive environment to excel and be happy. Mainly zero tolerance for corruption, mechanised farming on a large scale with govt subsidy and support, good roads and transportation system, power supply to boost small scale enterprises, subsidised and high quality education, well equipped and staffed hospitals with simple community health insurance that works and access to potable water. With these in place unemployment and poverty will drastically reduce.

Funny thread. Bursting with laughter. Festac ko, Okoko ni!

So sad.  The main problem i believe is depression which often leads to suicide/murder  when not properly treated. I once had to assist in the treatment of a young relative who kept planning for death due to some serious problems he had. With the help of medical personnel and strong family support, he recovered. Depression is a major problem for young people as i got to know while researching online then but is easier to resolve here with no/little drugs cos of the african family support system and religous organisations intervention in place. The use of certain vitamins help as i discovered then as well as social networking sites like NL.

The pressure on people to marry and sustain it at all costs is a problem for those who cant stand their ground and live happily under any situation. The loss of her womb is also no biggie because it can happen to anyone. It doesnt have to be through abortion and it can happen even after marriage. Adoption and surrogacy are options to any couple that has such a challenge.

Da doctor should please enlighten us for people to be wiser and more proactive. May her soul rest in perfect peace. Amen.

Wow! How can a sane woman physically abuse such a cute boy because of "'new husband"? She needs to pay a visit to Yaba. Great pity.

@emmatok
I agree that she wasted her time enjoying a doomed relationship without making any effort to comply with the guys request (if we can assume posters writeup to be the truth). He cheated though since he admits having a serious relationship with smallie without "fatties" knowledge.

Sadly your wife was probably like this before you married her but it was no big issue then abi? Whats her background like? If she has a domineering and equally troublesome mum then resolving the issue may not be easy cos she will see her life as being normal. Sit her down and ask her what her problems are, why she always has to get into trouble and what she requires in terms of meaningful assistance to make her change for the better. Make her realise that shes now a mother and has to be a good role model for her kids.

If theres no change but you observe that her parents are reasonable, you can talk to them, see the effect before you consider divorce. A good marriage counsellor may also be worthwhile, sometimes better than the no divorce singing pastors who will not proffer better solutions while making you live fake lives to compound your problem. If you do have an experienced and unbiased pastor/imam, its worthwhile cos you need prayers much of which you should do yourself. Open your heart to God in prayer and He will guide you.

Tho i am a xtian, if you cant reach a compromise after all efforts made, i believe its safer to divorce amicably when living together becomes unbearable than risk long term hatred or murder.

Lesson: A woman who is rude when you are courting her and gets away with it will only get worse when married.

Dont force yourself to marry someone you dont love though 9 years is TOO LONG a time to spend before dumping anyone. From experience i can tell you that what you feel for smallie now may be an illusion based on physical appearance which can change anytime. Forget being fat, if a fiancee becomes incapacitated in anyway, would you dump her? Love goes beyond appearance and beauty fades. She could have been using birth control pills which makes some people fat. Maybe you should have been more emphatic about her losing weight as a precondition for marriage and let her know its for her own good as it will be easier for her to control her weight after delivery if she takes to the gym routine from now.

Breaking up with her will not be easy as all those who have been a part of your lives in the last 9years are likely to side with her if she has a good heart and is well behaved. It will be just like going thru a divorce - many enemies to be made and a lot of curse and trauma to follow but if you are sure of your decision, u are prayerful and resolute you will get by. Ask for forgiveness tho, xtian or not. I have learnt practically that the law of karma tallies with the biblical saying of doing unto others as u want them to do to you. If shes spiritually strong and she feels cheated, things may not be so easy o!

Seek advice on how to go about the intended split from close and unbiased family members provided they know her well enough. Best wishes.

"It takes more than capital to swing business. You've got to have the A. I. D. degree to get by - Advertising, Initiative and Dynamics." - Ren Mulford Jr.[
U don try Seun. Many more fulfilled years ahead for u by Gods grace. Happy bday!!

@poster
Its never too late. A 40 year old cousin of mine is getting married soon. She was jilted after a long courtship and nobody came her way until recently when a relative advertised on her behalf in a newspaper! Of course there were many unserious callers but she finally found her soulmate in a 45 year old man who was also jilted though he has a child.  I remember she had callers aged above 32 from Abuja but was not interested because of the distance. For me the newspaper idea is risky but there singles fellowships and agencies that link people together. Find out such places in Abuja and take to some reasonable advice given on this forum with regards to your dressing and behaviour. I pray that you meet a man who will make you happy afterall.

If you have good "connection"' you can start your own firm as some people have done in Abuja. A few firms are already doing this but i cant remember their names. However you may need to know the Head of HR in some govt parastatals and companies to push your request for engagement as their health consultant so you can have a good starting point to boost your company profile. Currently, it means you are involved in health talks/seminars, vaccination of staff against preventable diseases and medical checkups. Nice and profitable job if corruption is out of it. Wish u da best!

Ikoyi and VI never used to be heavily flooded up to the early 90s. (I stayed there for a while). Rather i always empathized with a friend living in Aguda then. Flooding started on the islands when the massive structures and concrete pavements took over from the simple houses with large gardens and roads with sandy walkways which always absorbed the water from heavy rainfall. The first experience of major flooding was the  spillover from the Atlantic ocean in the late 90s or thereabout. Now its an annual event to be endured by the same rich men who built their mansions to block the canals and paved all there surroundings leaving little room for water to be absorbed back into the ground.

In my opinion, the planning authorities should stop approving heavy structures in flood prone areas without good drainages. The Eko atlantic project should be reviewed to ensure that it does not have an adverse effect on the environment. Meanwhile the governor should be willing to demolish any structure obstructing the waterways irrespective of who the owners are and lagosians should learn to dispose their garbage properly.

Wise decision. Most abortions are regretted one way or the other. May God grant her safe delivery. They need to wise up sha and face their studies after delivery.

All this talk of Igbos not being beggars baffles me. Why the holier than thou attitude? I know for sure that there used to be Igbo beggars around obalende singing and dancing to attract a crowd before Fasholas deportation of beggars. I also remember the ones with big "donation"bags on Falomo bridge and the fake cancer patient who was subsequently caught. They were all Igbos. Anyway all tribes are guilty as was discovered during the deportation. The basic problems are poverty. jgnorance and greed.

Was too stunned and horrified to comment before but attended a wedding and all i kept imagining was Titi dancing happily on her wedding day with that murderer. God rest her soul and punish the Lukman fool till eternity.

Instead of telling Tunde directly, why not advise him to insist on a medical examination at a clinic of his choice before finalizing marriage plans. This may prompt her to confess on her own. Its up to him to decide if he still wants her but in reality she doesnt look like a woman who will remain faithful in marriage. Cant get over the 3 men in one week bit. Hisssss!

Seek advice from the army legal unit. I think the law provides that you can have custody of your child at a certain age if you can prove that the mother is irresponsible but she may have visiting rights or he spends some holidays with her. You should consider your wifes opinion though. Good that ou accepted responsibility. May your marriage be blessed.