₦airaland Forum

The lesson here is to not judge yourself and others harshly. If you are gentle with others when they error then you could be gentle on yourself when you make the same mistakes.

But if you're critical of others then you'll be critical of yourself and this will lead to anxiety and depression. Just be kinder, patient, and more forgiving.

When you lack then you'll meet people who are kind and patient with you. We're human and that means we're capable of good and bad, positive and negative. That's what being human is.

Forgive yourself right now and treat yourself to something nice. Let go and move on with your new found understanding. It's a blessing in disguise

That can only work if you are planning to get married in the next 4 to 5 months. If you're going to wait for years then it will kill the intimacy of your relationship.

That's an incredibly romantic gesture but add a nice perfume to seal the deal

Pumpumking:
Brother u send flowers to Nigerian bush girl like RoyalBlu...she will coooookit. Nigerian womèns coook flowers sir..dont bother!!!((REAL TALK)

The children have a right to access their father. I'd say do the right thing. Go in with zero expectations and just let your children meet him for their sanity.

Yep, sounds legit to me. If you want to ruin your life then you should pay your own bills. You're an adult now so welcome to reality! I would do exactly what your father did and being an emotional woman, I'd probably add a beating to your eviction. Imagine thinking you could smoke drugs at your parents house! This generation have zero fear or respect.

Ps... you can't even type a simple document/article correctly so it's safe to say you've neglected your education too. God forbid a nonsense child.

Please don't try to generalize this to a gender. Possessive people are Possessive people. I have never said such crazy stuff to any man before. If A guy said this to a girl we'd be telling her to run so don't down play it when a psycho girl says it. Never entertain bs talk like this from anyone if you love your life!

Cooolme:
Seriously, what do you feel it's the truth if I may ask?

Tell her you didn't like it and that you don't joke with people's life. Tell her that you don't find it attractive or smart but that you have no intentions of hurting her. Also, tell her you don't want her to say that kinda statement to you again and if she does then she's pushing you away.

Dead the conversation and if she says it again then ignore her for a long time until she apologizes and promises never to say that to you again.

Stand your ground on this before she entertains dumb ideas like attacking you in your sleep or whatever. Don't let her try this bs with you because she might be a psycho and just testing the ground. Don't take that statement as a joke!

Intersexxsherry:
she has a very small phallus in her clitoris

A big clit doesn't make you a man.. everything points to a woman biologically. I don't even care! You people are too obsessed with your genitals. Do you not have any other problems to face? Did you come in this world to discuss genitals

I won't comment on this thread again because I feel stupid discussing someone's genitals like we don't have bigger issues and ideas on ground.

beauty16:
see don't joke with situations like this it could get somebody killed or saved

LOL! Did we help you spend the money that was "stolen" is the somebody us, us is the somebody, is us the somebody

You don't sound serious at all and I feel sorry for anyone that falls for your cheap stunt

People are now using nl to find money. Any small financial problem and they run to nl.

Isaacpromise1:
Why can’t you compromise on religion too?

What if she’s willing to convert to your religion?

Because I didn't want to compromise, it's a crucial part of my identity.

If he converts for his own sake before we get married then there's no problem.
I'm married so I already made my choice

No... for me it's gotta be the same race, country, and religion. I could compromise on tribe but religion is the deal breaker. Marriage is hard work and these similarities make it easier to navigate.

He could speak to my elders comfortably and I with his, we could raise our children under one unified umbrella without much compromise, and I find peace and comfort in that. Being from two different genders is hard enough to navigate without adding more differences

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

Biologically that is a woman but mentally she identifies as a man. She has vj, a womb and a working female reproductive system according to the op so her issue is a Trans issue rather than a inter sex issue.

I don't care about her life and choices the same way she doesn't care about mine.

Happy birthday Mrs Lazyreporta!

Well it depends on the context. If it replaces a whole ass response then I won't chat to you again.

Amazingbaby:
Update

Thankyou all for your contribution

He is back to see the kids, he has been providing a d talking to his kids daily,I guess I am the only one he has a problem with

I will take a lot of advice into consideration,we have alot of intelligent people here.

I was just surprise that he would want to employ someone he have been having secret calls and meeting with and would be arrogant about it.

My advice might not be popular but I'd advise you to calm down and change tactics. If you meet this issue with aggression then you will lose because men work with aggression that's their comfort zone.

If I was in your position then I would show my vulnerability. I would cry and be sad instead of trying to show him that I'm a bad bitch. I'm not going to lie, I'd manipulate the shi out of the situation.

If you love your husband and want him to stay with you then you can't fight him. His pride will scatter everything and he will break his home to proof a point. He is already winning because he has used your aggression as an excuse to leave.

Calm down and switch tactics, be nice, change the subject for now and be welcoming, ask him to come back home and apologize for your aggression. Once he's home then be sad and teary-eyed and cry lol!

I know all these Alfa females won't agree but you can't lose your femininity when you are faced with this kind of situation. You could get your answers without fighting for them. I guess it depends on your personality but you can catch more flies with honey.

I'm grateful for my life, my family, my children, my wealth, my intellect, my health, and my relationship with God. This doesn't mean I have no problems it just means I'm grateful. Life flies by in the blink of an eye and we're dead. I don't even know if I'll wake up tomorrow so why would I waste my precious time asking questions that can't be answered.

There are no answers to your question op so move on! Do good, be good, and leave the rest to God.

tensazangetsu20:
It's not anyone's fault thats why we need to be able to choose If we want to be born or not and the kind of life we would like to be born into.

So go and choose

This is called LIFE! Take it or leave

I'm as confused as you are! You seem to know what you want so why do you need advice? Do what your gut is telling you to do. Set boundaries and co parent.

Why have you isolated yourself in this town where you know nobody? If you have a healthy relationship with your family, immediate or extended then maybe you should move closer to them. You've put yourself at a disadvantage in your current location because you're still dependent on his help and he might use that as leverage to still control you.

Do you have friends, cousins, siblings, anyone who will care for you? You need to move closer to those people because being a single parent is hard enough without being isolated.

You should leave this man and take your children to your family. You don't understand gambling addiction because if you did, you would have left the first time.

I don't think anyone will help you when you're in this relationship because any money given to you will enable this man to continue gambling.

Stop playing the victim and save yourself. Go back to your papa house, or any relatives that would take you in and start your life as a single mother because you are a single mother in your current situation.

This man will never stop gambling until he loses everything! Gambling is an addiction like drugs and alcohol and people don't walk away from it so easily.

newbornmacho:
Nearly 60 oo

Bro! The math is too much
When she's 27 then he'll be 54! So when she's 30 he'll be nearly 60! Age is more than a number but what can you do. She wants to be a nurse to her husband let her...

ShenTeh:
Man and wife passed. May their souls find eternal peace.

Amen!

ShenTeh:
Our people say that when your roommate chooses to have a troublesome meal, your warning is often the loudest because you know that the troubles of his guts would hinder your peaceful sleep at night.

I had a very similar issue. In my case it was with my immediate elder sister and a man 21 years older. As the eldest son in the family, I kicked and kicked and kept saying our dad would never approve were he alive. Our uncles and everyone kept attacking my young post-teenage mind and I saw it as an excuse to discharge the burden of poverty. My sister would cry and cry that that was what she wanted and our mum was thoroughly blackmailed and eventually gave in.

Keep shouting like the prophets of old, they won't listen. Today, I am the one taking care of the orphans from that union.

Let her.

Orphans? As in the man died?

I don't even look at it like that! When Op's sister is 30 her husband will be nearly 50! 60! She could be a widow before she reaches his current age... AGE IS MORE THAN A NUMBER!

If she really wants this then there's nothing anyone can do. The only person who could stand in her way (her mother) is in support of the union. Op, you've done your best and you just have to watch and see. If you love her then you'll become her friend and keep an eye out for her during her marriage. Your mother and sister want financial stability and this man is their meal ticket. Not everyone wants to work and suffer, some people want to be spoilt financially and to enjoy life. It's time you step back before you cause a bigger rift in your family.

Kobicove:
That still does not give her the right to hang up on him

Did I say it gave her the right?

I'm just pointing out the importance of actually listening and making the other person feel heard. This could be why she is being aggressive, she doesn't feel heard.

I've got 3 boys and they are so active and loud! I wish I had a peaceful little girl but my fear is if I try again I'll have another boy and we can barely afford these 3

Silence isn't listening it's Silence. Active listening requires cues like "ahem, yeah, ok, I understand." Then you respond with something like "ok I heard xy and z." If you're just silent then that could be interpreted as passive aggressive.

You should only worry if she tell you she's pregnant in a few weeks

JESHAL:
She just spewed prepackaged narrative for her ideology to describe objective reality of the intergender dynamics which is fallacious and misleading and far from the truth on ground, many of what she talked about is based on victimhood mentality based on men are oppressors and women are oppressed which was never the case but a revisionist of history because most of women were handicapped because of lack of mordern inventions like tampons, birth control pills which men created to better the life's of women which allowed for the freedom women enjoy today

Just like you did in this comment. You're both playing the same tactics. The truth is somewhere in the middle.