₦airaland Forum

barnny:
Does Marrying More Than One Wife In Anyway Has Advantage?

Please let's discuss and learn from different ethnic background if marrying more than a wife in anyway has advantage, disadvantage or either ways. I'm sure people from polygamous family might have learnt one or two lessons that will/might make them conclude that marrying more than a wife is a no no for them. While some believe there are still benefits in marrying more than one wife.

Note: this discussion is open for both Christians and Muslims including the atheist as far as we are here to learn, unlearn and relearn

You see those pictures of people marrying more than one wife

You, that have a single wife lives better and happier than them

You don't expect them to come out and tell you their experience

The man cries under the rain and you know what it means, he cries when it's raining so that no one will see him crying

Women are good companions when they know that it's just the two of you

You need to have what it takes to keep women before you can succeed in having more than one and still be a happy man

No two are the same

Makavelli25:
Wawu
Check very well,that guy aint from NIGERIA

You want us to know that even you yourself, you are not trust worthy and reliable ❓

This evacuation is not necessary

We are finding it difficult to cope here and you guys are planning on bringing home these ones that can't cope with us

MainJoe:
Totally disagree with your advice and I will tell you why.

People have different tolerance rate and different commitment status. People who know they are committed and highly devoted in their relationships, want the same. To you it might feel like just dating, to another, it takes emotional devotion to stay in a relationship.

I bet she is the open type, committed and not jumping from one to another. She does not have men buzzing her phones, talking of past escapades. Such a person will not see the relationship as just dating and wants same commitment from the other.

The fact is, if the other is not ready to commit, she should move on to a more focused and serious person. She knows what she wants in a relationship and she should look for that. Compromise means destroying who she really is.

Another word for it is that she is with the wrong person at the right time

sheyitokz:
Good pm my fellow nairalanders at home reading this I need a reasonable advice
I met this very girl Oluwadayo about a year ago through social media "FACEBOOK" I talked to her their and finished the total work on Facebook so we fixed a date we 'll meet nd chat more on social life.My mind was filled with excitement that am seeing a new girlfriend again in my life after been jilted by an idiot in sch that got pregnant for another guy in bus admin dept on campus,the day am to see this new girl came thinking I was gonna see a very big girl like that that's gonna have those stuffs we boys love seeing I found this girl oranges too small and the backside gan lasan too flat like plywood but I did not look at that cos have promised to love her no matter the circumstance and we both agreed to date but what I needed was to f**k her hard but I discovered this girl was still a virgin and she was too afraid of this bazooka of boys so I maintained myself for months while I was in school the only thing have been doing with this girlgirl is to call and receive her calls from morning till night but with the call and calling I don't see that as part of what I want from her cos she isn't romantic at all and I do complain to her every time she 'll turn it upside down for me but I still endured cos ets still looking like love,all through the years have been dating this girl have only set my eye balls on her once but I now decided to go and stay with my friends living around this girl area cos of holiday we had in sch due to coronavirus wahala to my greatest surprise 've spent 2weeks in that area this girl no even think of coming to visit me for once at all I called her numbers repaetedly daily all she keep saying is that tomorrow tomorrow!! I 'll come abi shey tomorrow no dey finish for her she nii I complained to her so she later agreed to visit me this friday buy before today I called her last night and asked to aova abt today this girl shocked me with her response "I can't come again but Saturday I'll make it to your place" I was so annoyed and started giving her heartbreaking texts on whatsapp I even included her never to call me again if she know she's not gonna make it to me today.cos 've done a lot for this girl even paid her jamb tuition&tutorial fee just because of this love matter even some petty expenses and many more like that even planned to open an account for her and start funding it just to please her but everything stopped last night cos 've given her heartbreaking messages.After she read all the messages I sent she started giving more excuses and sorry but to me all of it has ended.
ALL I NEED IS ADVISE PLS NO INSULTS &PLZ HELP MOVE TO FRONT PAGE

She is just being smart not knowing that she is stupid

lacasera14:
Pls don't mind the moniker, it's only a passage.
I and my boyfriend have been dating for a while. What we feel for each other is very strong and that led us to some extreme commitments like: His fingerprint can unlock my phone and mine can unlock his, our Google photos are synchronized so I see all his pictures and he sees mine in case of any intruder sort of, he has access to my facebook, whatsapp and messenger and goes through my chats. I do same. All these happened while we were still in same city. I left for a while (school purposes) and returned recently. After a while he locked his whatsapp with a password, prior to this, I noticed he chats with a girl and after the chat he'll archive it so I won't see it. He digs it up from archived chats to continue. Now he's WhatsApp is locked I can't access it, he has also removed my fingerprints from his phone barring all access to it. I've confronted him, he said it's because I go through his phone alot and he's no longer comfortable with it.

I think he's cheating, nairalanders what should I do?

Assuming you are married and sharing phone access with each other, it would have been better to understand

You are just dating and you want to monitor his communication, you will end up getting hurt

Leave his phone for him, if he wants to be loyal to you, he will be, guys will always explore

You too, keep your lock to yourself, it's your privacy and don't think sharing it with him means love, noo ❗ ❗ ❗

It doesn't work that way

If you want to love him and be loyal to him, it's your choice and if you want to have them many, it's your choice and not his business

You can't monitor a man even on your wedding night, unless you want to get frustrated

chizpim:
Thanks alot, I so much appreciate �

You are welcome

Onojasteve:
Before you criticize me, please endeavour to read to the end. I have condemned myself already, I have punished myself already, and even criticised my ownself already, so Keep it cool.
I met this young lady in bible school in year 2017, then I was jobless.I was searching for another before a friend invited me to come attend a bible school at winners chapel.then I was heartbroken, hoping the lord will answer my prayers.
I met this charming and hairy young lady on the second day of the registration on a queue, fortunately we were merge together to sort for change because there was no change with the registration officer.
We became friends throughout the 3 weeks training and graduated together. Weeks after the graduation we started visiting each other, I visited her first, where I met her parents and she introduced me as brother John.luckily for me the parents welcomed me.Four months into our relationship she lost her dad, the burial date was scheduled for October same year, I made up my mind to follow her to her village in abia state which I did.
During the burial ceremony I was introduced as her finance by her mum to other elderly women in the village, elders already asking for colanut.
We came back to Lagos still no job, so I slow the whole thing down considering the fact that I was jobless. I went to learn photography and open a studio I have been managing.The business always make it difficult for me to see her as I used to even to visit her becomes an issue as the business is very demanding, she started complaining, I will try to explain the reason was the business, but she won't understand.
I invited her on my birthday, she refused to show up and asked me series of questions I could not answer, as in when did I call her last?when did I see her last? when did I send her money last?.the questions was just too much so I drop the call hoping to call back.
I actually didn't call back till may 2019, after a lady mess me up for the story I will tell you guys another time.
I returned begging and luckily for me, nobody has taken over my territory, I was forgiven and we started our relationship again. This time I want to be there always for her, I took her to my pastor we were told to start a marriage class.
I actually started the class around July 2019, did introduction by November. By December, she start avoiding me again, this time I followed up to ascertain the cause.so she open up to me that she don't want to disgrace me in the church I want to wed (winners) where I worship that we will do the wedding at her mother's church.i agreed, we went to Shiloh to pray, I notice during Shiloh that she was very weak, and always feeling dizzy, I thought maybe because of the nature of the programme but it continues to a point I suggest we conduct a test at the medicals.we actually conducted the test and lo and behold it was positive.she is pregnant.the funny thing I asked how long she refused telling me, now we got to rush things up for the wedding as that seems to be inky options as she is an igbo lady.we picked April 25th 2020 for the wedding, surprisingly my phone rag last weekend, it was her mother on the phone calling me to meet them up at a name hospital that my fiancee is in labour. I actually rush there because I was so afraid knowing the pregnancy isn't due.
Guys, I was shocked when the Dr came to congratulates me that my fiancee has given birth to a baby girl...I have 3 weeks to the wedding.
My question now is what do I do.i hide everything from my family as I already plan to use d wedding to cover secondly, in her tradition, if you impregnate a lady before marriage you pay damages, the amount will be decided by the family. Thirdly we already announce the date with friends n church. Should I go ahead with the wedding or schedule a new date. This lockdown in Lagos is another issue of serious concern.
Please guys be nice.

Forget about the lock down in Lagos, it's a general issue

Go to your family and tell them everything that happens and ask them to forgive you for not informing them as at when it happens

They will not find it funny with you, just be humble all through and ask them to support you towards rescheduling the date of marriage

This is the best way I think it should be handled

Next time involve your family in a thing you will need their presence

Imogenn:
I’m wondering if a married man can keep a close female friend, who is single with nothing attached. They were friends before the man got married. They talk and gist, advice themselves, but they are strictly friends. Is this possible?

It depends on the affection they have for each other

They can be close but no affection

Chinedu1994:
When I was 16 years old (2012), I worked at a nearby Timber shed tirelessly, I was able to save N15,000,I gave my elder brother the whole money and asked him to get me a small Tiger generator -- it wasn't more than 16k then. So this dude spent the whole money, when I confronted him, he didn't apologise or promise to pay me later. Instead he started shouting at me, telling me how haggard i looked. I reported to our mum, but she never said anything. I am the type that hustles a lot, I bought for myself every thing that I own today. Within that same year, our dad died leaving us with his "death benefit money" which wasn't enough to clear his debts and the family's.

They would tell me: ah! don't worry, we gat your back, but at the end, they will disappoint me.
Though I have forgiven him, but every time he provokes me, I tend to remember what he did to me 8 years ago. How can someone do this to his very younger brother just because he can't fight you.

The generator and standing fan that we are using today I bought it with my hard earned money, I engage myself in meagre works that other people dread.
When I was in school (OND), they promised to get me a laptop - - a promise never fulfilled. I came out, during our 2 years IT, I went to the city as usual hustled my a** out and saved 70k, I called this same brother of mine and asked him if he could lend me 10k so that I could get a PC of 80k, he said that he had nothing on him I begged him until agreed, he asked me to make sure that I pay him within 10 days which I did.

His maltreatments are just too much!
I am pissed!!!

I will only advise you to keep your plans and secrets away from him and any other person that is close to him

Don't keep malice with him, but let him no longer know your plans, let him be seeing the results

If he ever ask for money from you, if you wish give him full or half but don't collect it back and when you want to give, pay into his account not by hand pls

Enough is enough

If only her family members will go for test

Speechless

chizpim:
The past should be placed in the past. I just want a new beginning.

My dear, every new thing is a interesting adventure but they still becomes old thing

Just make up your mind in what you want and manage what comes around

As men wants it good, women wants it best

Kenneth10110:
What if she doesn't give you attention like you always have to greet her before she responds i mean she never for once said hi to you first.

You leave her now

womenareapes:
Shut up there!

Did your mother play hard to get from your father?

If she paradaventure did that, you won't have been in this world typing rubbish

No wonder they make you go through hell to get one

You lack manners

Admissionclass:
When a girl you like starts playing hard to get, what should you do especially when she is showing subtle signs she likes you, leaving you confused.

Should one continue to chase her till she accepts or move on?

Love is patience

There is no hurry in love if she is playing hard tell her you are not in a hurry to get her consent

That's it

Honeydenz:
Imagine, I keep saying it

Most uncles don't mean well for their nephews, nieces. They never want you to do better than their kids!

Expecially those from paternal side because of competition

wizardus:
I have really had series of painful words people said to me

I told my uncle who works at a popular engine oil manufacturer as a regional manager to find me a job in their company...he said they don't employ christains..he then ask my senior brother behind my back if I can read and write

Amongst others

Lol @ read and write

aimuan:
Hello Nairalanders.

Pls I need a genuine advice.. I met this girl for like 2 months now, and we just started dating about 3 weeks ago. Sincerely I am not interested in sex or whatsoever now until maybe later or after marriage.

The reason I really want to marry her is because of her family. I know her sister and the husband, they are very kind, so that's why I am interested in marrying this girl.

But however, she speaks pationately with her ex, which add credence to the fact that they are still in love, though she told me there is no chance of them ever coming back, even though the guy wants her back..

I feel she may go back to him in the future given how they communicate. Should I end the relationship and search for another girl?

Please I need advice

Your write up shows that you are dating her for sentiments not that you love her

You like her family and they are kind

So you think she has such qualities

Anyway change her line for her if she will permit you or allow her some time to finish what she have with her ex

That means, give her break

koffsman:
Ok so what should we do cry for you guys or pity una

Lol, you are funny

mutaalim:
Not pride nor ego but self sufficient with whatever they have.
Regards

If you say so, OK

mutaalim:
The amusing thing is that these people have not come to us for aid / benefits.......

Regards

No way ❗ ❗ ❗, you think they will come, they won't, pride has taken over

ZINIBANKS:
And you are not here
I would have given you 2 bottles of chilled origin
You said it all

Lol, thanks

I felt like sharing so others will learn, this might also create awareness as I feel a lot isn’t done to educate people about the insidious HIV.

I will try to be as brief as possible. Sometime this year I had a fling with a girl, I have always been careful as to use protection when I ever I have sex, unluckily for me my condom broke, I realized this immediately and pulled out, got a new condom and continued, wasn’t up to three weeks or so I fell ill, malaria like symptoms and all, during that same time I started having some hiv symptoms like.

Had to go for a test it came out negative, this was around week 4 or so. Despite this test I knew I was positive, I just had the feeling I was, the doctors and lab attendants were just playing it down, no disrespect but most lab scientists here have really poor knowledge on HIV test kits and all.

Who told you hiv can be seen in lab test under 4wks

The result came out negative yet you doubted it

I wish you good luck to experience hiv so that you will complete your story

They will still ban more

zexy2030:
they break down when they don't have a man so loving to call their own.

That's not true, as a man is lonely without a woman of her own

So a woman is

But no matter how it is, a man mustook for a woman and will surely get one, if not for sex, its for companionship

deltateam:
One of the primary reasons for marriage aside companionship is for procreation of children.

Given that there are many instances where a couple is childless and frequent traditional homes, spiritual homes and medical hospitals for solution, will you prefer your intended to get pregnant or will you prefer to be pregnant for him before marriage?

That is assuming he's a matured and honest gentleman who is ready for marriage and responsibilities.

Which ever, if God has bless you with children, it will surely come