₦airaland Forum

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

Hmmm, if all you said is true, just leave her behind and travel

When you come back tell her you want a divorce and start the processing

I don't just know what her problem is

After all the pleading and begging, her head is still hot

You might not be happy with it because her nagging just started

Let her go and try another man

If you are not courageous enough to survive university studies, just find your way out instead of putting your family through pains and you end up in hell

Yes, they are evil
They have committed more crimes than the number of their cows

Datingcomrade:
My dear, a woman is a helper in a family and can help when the man is not boxed up
I make my own money dear, I don't even have time to ask for my man any dime because I don't want to be a burden to him, he sometimes surprises me with gift.
I know my worth and I make my own money which is enough for me now to Carter for my needs.
If I have issue that exceed my bank account numbers, I seek help from my relatives.

OK, just sit down and count your likes

Datingcomrade:
The way some girl reason sometimes dey shame me
Please what happen if we girls work and take care of our needs.
I was raised to realized that a man's money is never mine till we get married, till then anything I want, I work for it or ask my relatives for help, my boyfriend is still struggling I don't want to stress the young man biko.

If you have never for once asked a man to give you a penny, raise your head up

But if you have ever requested from a man, cover your face

Those married women carrying responsibilities of the family, was once thinking like you

Skyfornia:
Lazy Nigerians....but I support them shaa. Papa Adeboye' boy(Osibanjo) is part of the people sponsoring encouraging the kidnappers.

Whatch your statement, you are answerable to it

Skyfornia:
Lazy Nigerians....but I support them shaa. Papa Adeboye' boy(Osibanjo) is part of the people sponsoring encouraging the kidnappers.

Whatch your statement, you are answerable for it

Skyfornia:
Lazy Nigerians....but I support them shaa. Papa Adeboye' boy(Osibanjo) is part of the people sponsoring encouraging the kidnappers.

Whatch your statement, you are answerable to it

Toscarel:
no one to blame but the GREED of you ladies.

you even stated that it was free sex, you know this how?

and does it mean you are willing to take the risk for the money?
no give yourself brain and go hustle

yeyenatu

There is no award for senseless post like this

Death on top of free sex, ladies have so much suffered from the beast in some men

What will make a man lye on a woman chest and still kill her ❓

Well, rip lady and fish out your killer

Haunt him and bring him out wherever he may be

It will never be well with his killers

Once they can't find gain in anything, they won't involve themselves in it, simple ❗❗

Simplyleo:
What exactly is bayelsa doing with her allocation?

No good roads, no good schools, potable water, health facilities etc in a state with a land mass as small as Apapa and a population of less than 2m.

This is the same question I keep asking, they were so proud they have oil until they used their proceed and develope other states

80% house in lagos falls into this category

At 22yrs, you find it easy beating a woman, at 44yrs, you will find it easier killing a woman

Before your bail will be ready, you will still be in prison and test the feelings

When next you come across a woman, shift your anger management away from her

Idiot, stupid thing

Instead of you to use your charms on those cattle rearers you want to try white witches ❓

Those Northerners takes drugs like biscuits and instead of them killing themselves, they face their wives and children

Just die let the problem get solved

This one done enter one chance

His time was up.

Even when the garri was still been fried and yet to get to buyers

So where did the money came out from ❓

Just because of re-election ❓

When they meet themselves at the great beyond they will sort themselves out

His death will not prevent the sooth family from consulting the sooth sayer

For him to hang himself shows that he has something in his sleeves

pryme:
God Lord!!!
Is she a vegetable?

Is because you are a farmer, that's why you want to plant your vegetable in her garden

treasureboy09:
. What! are you shitting me or are you under 20? any female who can't afford her monthly pad, which is the basic shouldn't be taking about relationship, only underage/ secondary school girls should be expecting people to buy them pad.........

You got it wrong


Once you are dating a lady take care of her, very simple explanation

She is also taking care of you and if you says that they don't take care of you guys, grab a vaseline and save your money

treasureboy09:
. What! are you shitting me or are you under 20? any female who can't afford her monthly pad, which is the basic shouldn't be taking about relationship, only underage/ secondary school girls should be expecting people to buy them pad.........

You got it wrong


Once you are dating a lady take care of her, very simple explanation

She is also taking care of you and if you says that they don't take care of you guys, grab a vaseline and save your money

Jozzy4:
Money has it's own place. Even the data and phone two people use in communicating VIa WhatsApp is money . so you have a point

But when money becomes the main driving force, most ladies make mistakes , I read so many things about WizKids Baby Mamas ordeal , and so many like that

Love doesn't really count on the weight of a man's pocket

If you show your self to a woman and she really loves you, money will not be an issue unless she is so desperate for money

WizKid own is a different case all together
He has so many baby mamas and he knows that all those women that loves him are for his money

His true lover was his first baby mama but because he is a star and cant be tied to one woman, he end up with baby mama's

In this case, who is to be blamed ❓

Is it him that is pregnanting women or his first baby mama that he pregnanted and left her for another woman

Poverty humbles a man, be a man keep a girl friend and keep only her and you will experience love with out using money to run it

Yes women likes money and guys like sex

Skyfornia:
Even you talk am...never underestimate the bottøm power of a woman

Don't you know that women have power before ❓

Very silent one

That upstair building is at a greater risk

Chi59:
In my opinion, what ladies need in no particular order
1. Love and support
2. Honesty/ Transparency
3. A listening ear
4. Money

What do you think ladies need in a relationship?

You are very correct

Apart from no 4, every other things are just within a man, yet they will act as if its not important

And they want the relationship to sail without storm

theButterfly:
How is it a man's responsibility to be buying pads/feminine hygiene products and recharge cards for a woman? If a man does not buy these things for you, you cannot be faithful to him?

Why are you dating her ❓

Why do you want to cross your boundaries ❓

Inshort, what are you inviting her for ❓

theButterfly:
How is it a man's responsibility to be buying pads/feminine hygiene products and recharge cards for a woman? If a man does not buy these things for you, you cannot be faithful to him?

Why are you dating her ❓

Why do you want to cross your boundaries ❓

Inshort, what are you inviting her for