₦airaland Forum

Hathor5:
What is the best advice you have received about how to raise a child?

Please, "spare the rod spoil the child" is not what I am looking for here.

Counseling a child works for me than beating the child

When you counsel a child you will tell him more about the dangers of being a stupid and naughty child

That doesn't mean that you can't beat the child, but some words from counseling sinks better than flogging a child

master2023:
Good day nairalanders please pardon me, I just registered newly and I felt I should share my story,I needs your advice if am doing the right thing or not, I am from rivers, I was once married, and my marriage lasted for 5years when I lost my wife,through our 5years of marriage we didn't had anybaby but we kept on pushing and believing God someday for blessing of the womb.

we loved each other then to the extent that I didn't give room for family members to pressure to get someone else to give me children because I didn't want to break her heart, well she eventually died,I felt so bad but then I have move ahead, one year later, I saw another lady who I got attracted to, and we started going on, she knows about my history as we both discussed our past and we started dating though we only dated for few months(2) and by this time, I realised that it's wasnt the kind of person I may like to settle down with in future, so in agreement I had to beg the lady that I wouldn't want to waste her time because I didn't find her interesting and that I cannot cope.

Please note that she is nice and a wife material, but after studying her for few time, I just note that I wasn't feeling her anymore, she agreed saying that it's was better it's was early to break up than wasting her time.
This was how we ended our relationship, all through our sweet moment was always in hotel and through our sexual activities we were using condom but there was one day,I had the condom buste and couldn't help it but pour inside her, but after that time we were no longer seeing each other as everyone had gone their seperate ways and my parent were aware of it, about two months later I found this new lady who currently is leaving with me ,I found her interesting and we are so cool with each other, it's was just as if she was like my late wife and we blended so fast and as if I was already seeing her as my wife already because I have never one day use condom on her,this was what I wanted.

Why we were dating just about a month to the new relationship, the previous lady we broke up together requested that she wanted us to see that she wanted to tell me something which I told her to meet me in an open place.and behold when we met she gave me the shock of my life that she had been sick until she discovered that she was pregnant, and the date tally with the period the condom busts, I was confused and didn't no what to decide because one, I had never had any child or got anyone pregnant before not to talk of terminating one's life which i can't imagine myself doing, so the lady ask me if she should terminate the pregnancy but I couldn't give answer instead I told her that for me I cannot take part in taking someone's life and that if wants to keep the baby I will take responsibility for the both but marriage is totally no go area because I already have someone in my life already, but if she wants to terminate it, I shouldn't be involved into it.. this was how she kept the pregnancy then I talked about it with my current woman and she was in support of not terminating it seeing that it's was God blessing and no one have the right to take someone's life. But somehow when my parent got to know about the news and saw the previous lady, they liked her and started pressuring me to abadom the current one and return back to the first lady since she had giving me what I couldn't get for almost 5years till death came visiting..... But I would not agree with my parent because I know what I want and I have seen it already so this caused serious issues in my family as I started to safeguide the current one who was leaving with me by relocating her to a rented apartment for fear of embarrassment because I truelly love and wanted to be with her. Then about 3weeks later, my current woman had her own pregnancy meanwhile I am the one taking the other lady for antinata clinic every time and making sure she wasn't lacking anything...so now that my main woman is pregnant also, I had to do every necessary arrangements to meet with her people to report my self with the companies of my friends and some relatives to formally do introduction ceremony with my current lady with the commitment that after she have delivered I will return back with full families for the pride price.... This was how the Jorney began. And with the help of family members who had wedge in to settle the dispute with my parents, as time goes on, my parents begin to like this current lady and I immediately relocated her back to my house and we started leaving our normal life.......soon the first baby mama delivered a bouncing baby boy, about 3months later, the one leaving with me also had her own bouncing baby boy, so far so good I have been trying my best to meet up to the demands of the first baby mama and most importantly my baby.... Because what ever I give to the one with me at home, I also give same thing to baby mama outside, I am just waiting for some months time before I will finally return to my woman parent for final bride price.....though I am very happy now, and proud to be a father to both children ... But off recent some person have come in again to pressure my parent for me to marry the two baby mamas that if I marry one,it's would be wise to marry the second one to show appreciation.... But I have tried to make them understand that doing that will create more problem for the 1st baby mama emotionally because I am not sexually attracted to her again right from when we left each other. But the pressure is giving me more concern as this is not what I want. This is the reasons why I decided to seek your advice because if I run to any relative they would support my parent saying that it's will be in my interest should incase the woman in my house is misbehaving, she would sit up knowing well that there is another wife, and there would be competition between them as they would be trying their best to be the best... Please what do you think.......I am 41, the 1st baby mama is 38 while the one with me is 33.

I am open for criticism because I know I have already fuckup in the past.

Congratulations on both birth as you are now a father

But I will like to point out some things

Go for a DNA on both of them to be very sure before you even start any marriage plans for the second and current girlfriend

If both comes out positive, marry your choice and keep the other one as a mistress and still provide for them equally because your child is involve now, then Wether you find your baby mama to be interested or not, let her be your mistress, she may decide to get married to another man or remain your mistress for life

You marry your current girlfriend and keep her as a wife but she has to be aware of the position you placed on the first baby mama because of the child she has for you

If non of the children belongs to you after the DNA test, then you can't even marry anyone of them because the real father will come up after you have nurtured the child

If one of the children belongs to you due to the DNA, then marry only that one and discharge the other one

That's my thinking for you and both of them

DNA is a must so that you can be very sure of their paternity, considering the fact that you stayed with your late wife for 5yrs with no child

Good luck to you

conquerorsword:
Dear Nairalanders, I am at a point where I can say I am ready to marry and who to choose has been an issue.

I have friends that are really decent but no strong feelings attached.

I know the will of God but their Shakara too much and another thing is that them no love you the same way, they will also tell you that God did not tell them anything.


I also have a lady that I am in love with and when people see us, then say we are couples. And she loves me same way.
Please in situations like this what should I go for?

I think you should go with the lady you are in love with

But make sure she is in love with you too

Then you guys can back it up with prayers

Marriage these days are now something else

If you don't marry someone you love, then you must still go and meet the one you love outside but still in the marriage

Love is the most important thing in marriage because it's full of happiness and joy

With love you can suppress any obstacle that comes with marriage

With love you both can endure trials and temptation

With love you can bind yourself with prayers and have same faith that makes things work

Finally just follow your heart, because your heart knows exactly where it belongs

ebukajay184:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CsvXqoQAzPV/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Any woman that wants to cry a painful cry should keep checking her husband phone until she will see what will frustrate her

Any man that wants to live to regret should keep checking his wife phone till he will see what will put him into depression and anxiety

Left for me, stop checking each others phone with out the approval of the person and if approved go straight to the app you want and hand the phone back to the owner

I don't touch my husband phone because it's not my business to do so and am very ok with that, do you know why
Is because I want absolute peace of mind

The white men that put password in the phone knows that we may have something secrets in the phone

SawD007:
You're incredible and a wise woman. When they say all naija girls are useless, I know there are exceptions to all this opinions. Your intelligent quotient is IDAN.

Thanks dear
Lol @ IQ 😂

SawD007:
Bro, you've got the best advice and inssight s from @frozen70... When u already read a wise advice like that, don't go look further for more confusion. As she said, talk to your Dad about your observation, you'll get more insights.

Thanks

Letsmeet:
Please everyone, what's your opinion on this?
Is it wise to date a young lady from a divorced home?
If She is very nice, quiet, respectful, the most understanding person in the world, doesn't even quarrel. Has a good job and many other good qualities.
But if her parents are divorced, and live in the same area, and she lives with both of them.
What is the likelihood of her divorcing in future? Anyone with similar experiences please?

No one enters into marriage to get a divorce

But situations and circumstances always lead to such

Children from divorced homes are not happy about it and will do everything possible to avoid being in that situation especially for the children

What caused divorce in home is the same thing another home managed to get through

So it's about individuals and their attitudes

Teeexquisite:
Please I need help and suggestions!

My husband is diagnosed of zero sperm count.

Prior to this, he conducted SFA in January and it was about 3million.

Scrotal ultrasound shows that he has left undescended testicles.

Hormones profile test shows that he has low testosterone, high LH and FSH.

Please has anyone dealt with this and what steps did you take?

I think both of you need to see a urologist who will be in the best position to advice you after series of test you guys will conduct on him

Then he will need your help and cooperation to get treated because you have to make sure he takes his drug and may be placed on special diets too

Sirchiboy:
Madam it is not easy out there ok.
I am over 40 and I am affected too.

Pls Believe in God
I stand with every youth who is passing through lack of job challenge

The future is full of hope and God will do it for you

Its not how far, but you will tell the story of how well, one day

Delightsome2023:
well I'm staying with parents and my condition is not bad.
Any lady that doesn't wanna accept my T and C should go find someone else

You actually got my comments wrong

If a lady inspired you to pack out especially if you have a job doing

Its not a bad idea, it's a good move

If there are jobs available, why will a man remain with his parents

The dream of every parents is for their children to stand on their own

So if you haven't gotten a job yet, no one will ask you to psvk out because the person won't feed you

Now back to this topic that brought this argument

The OP didn't say if a man that is not working

He only said is it idle for a man living with his parents at a certain age bracket

So he wasn't specific

Delightsome2023:
so men who are living with their aged parents and taking care of them are not focus?

Its only a bad condition thst can keep a man of that age under gid parents roof

Besides my contribution to that wasn't bad

I said I will plan with him to pack out and get a room

Was it out of place

Delightsome2023:
soliciting for gigs from my clients (due to differences in time zone) I have to be awake while also going through this forum to put feminists like you to their place

Well you think am a feminist

You are wrong, I only want to make sure every woman is making her own contribution in a man's life

Besides I don't like nonsense things or people taking others for granted

I love people who are serious and focus about their life because time waits for no one

Delightsome2023:
by this time your husband needs you by his side, I wonder what you're doing on this forum by this time and even arguing blindly. Better leave this forum and go cuddle your husband.

Lol
As a family woman I stay awake to check my home at this hour and pray for my family, then go through blog sites

You what are you doing staying awake

Delightsome2023:
God bless you, leave that frozen70 she no get sense.

You wey get sense, use am naw make we see

UyaiIncomparabl:
Are you married?

Lol 😂 😂

aidameoryou:
Nice take from you brotherly, I appreciate 🙏

Sister pls
You are welcome

FarmTech:
.
The money he will use to invest in biz, u want him to spend it on rent and food? Not a good idea.

That's your thinking though

aidameoryou:
Your suggestions are genuinely needed 🙏

Hi my people good day, I have been having a thorough thought all in my mind and have been boiling inside of me on what next step to take.

Over the years, I have seen my mum really been hostile to my dad and it's getting out of hand for me to bear.
I am the first son of some siblings and in my mid 20s.
I live apart from my parents in another state and one of my junior sibling who went home for a little break from school was complaining bitterly about how my mum attitude towards my dad is getting out of hand.

My father has to be the most responsible, respectable, reasonable man I ever know, he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't womanizer. He has been the sole breadwinner in the family from when we were small up till this time.
His work isn't moving very well as it used to back then and as such he cannot cater very well like he's used to and even though at that, he's been trying his best....
My mum just doesn't appreciate him enough and I've seen this a million times.

[color=#000000]My next line of action is to call my mum and give her a serious scolding because she hasn't been warned sternly about this by any of my siblings before.
This is getting out of hand and I cannot bear it anymore, please what do you all suggest I could do in this situation[/color]

I will advise you discuss this with your dad first of all to find out why he gave her so much power to bully him

Am sure your dad knows what to say to you

However, if you don't like his response then you tell him that you want to confront your mum

As you are confronting your mum, be very calm and ask her why she is hostile on dad

Listen to her reply, if it makes no sense, then tell her politely to stop that attitude on your dad that you feel ashame of everything

With time be observing her and see if she is adjusting to your advice and warning

But if she responds harshly then be prepared to be her enemy

JILF:
Is it ok for a guy to be living at home where he grew up or with his parents between age 32-39? if you are a lady, will you find such men as someone who is serious with life or someone who is unserious?

I understand the economy has not be smiling for many and also understand that some men cannot afford to pay rent due to unemployment.

If I find a man in that situation and he has focus, that means he needs some one that will push him further

So I will advise him we get a room for him to pack out so that he can find his bearing

If he refuses, then I will know that what is holding him is bigger than what am planning for him

I will stylishly end the relationship

But if he accepts my idea, I will make sure he pays for the rent and gradually starts getting things like bed and fridge and pots

My major role will be to come for visits, get food stuff along and cook for our meal

With time I will be requesting money for soup and stew, this is a way of teaching him how to provide

If by six months into the relationship he hasn't propose to me

I will inform him that I want to end the relationship as it's heading no where and I will. Move on but if he pleads with me then he should do the needful

FalseProphet1:
What if he doesn't want to get married? 🙄

Dey play, no be bye force to get married now

Gottiii:
I’m finding it very difficult to live with someone after living alone for years even when I was In school and after I graduated. Likewise I can’t accommodate anyone either. It’s as if they are intruding my privacy.

This includes babes wey dey come my side, after 1-2days, I don tire.


Is this normal?

Over time you will learn to accommodate people and live with them because when you marry that's where you will understand properly what it means to live with another person

Jogunomi1:
I met this woman through one of my male friends because she was referred to me for advice on her relationship matters.

Her longtime lover and her parted ways. But she lost a lot to that relationship in term of resources and dedication. What's killing her is that the guy got another woman but won't stop telling others that he left her because she's a bad person. But if you examine the life of this woman, she had never loved another man in her entire life apart from that guy. The guy also sends message to her once in a while to taunt her... messages like "have you been able to get another man? I doubt you can"; "I'm now with my heartthrob, I just tried calling you to see you have moved on but you didn't answer the call suggesting the wickedness in you never dies"... She showed me a lot of these messages while still crying. I have done all I can to help her.

You may think starting a new relationship will help her, but she vows not to get married. Anytime I'm not with her physically, she talks about suicide so much.

Another factor driving her crazy

She works in a company owned by husband and wife. She worked directly under the husband, but the wife is not comfortable because this woman is very beautiful and in her late twenties. The wife looked for excuses to sack her but the husband refused. She was then sent to another department. But the husband got fed up with the new person they sent to work with the husband and requested that this girl be sent back to work under him. This girl is educated beyond first degree. I don't want to mention her profession because someone from her company may be reading this. While she was working with the husband, the wife showed her hell that she was at the verge of committing suicide. Her saving grace was the fact that they sent her to a new unit where she won't be working with the husband directly.

Now she told me she will rather die than go back to work under the husband. I told her to resign. But she said resignation will make the suicide she's thinking of quicker because she's the one taking care of her parents. The company is close to their house in Lagos; should she start looking for another job now and even if she gets another not close to her house, it's another disaster because of a reason I won't like to disclose here.

This girl is Igbo and I'm of a different tribe. I need advice about how to help her because her parents know nothing about all these. Time is running out.

Mynd44, RoyalRoy, please help me push to front-page.

I think she needs a shoulder

Why not leand your's to her for the mean time

Maybe she will come out of that situation if she gets someone that will be with her

As for the other guy that is taunting her, she can block the guy naw

ogbe88:
This lady is always on point.

Thanks for the compliments

Barims:
By calling the police on her, I think I'm gonna put myself in more serious problem. Definitely after being released from police custody she would come after me again. She is a really crazy person (psychopath) and they don't back down, no matter what.....

Ok rule that out if that's the case

But you need to relocate to avoid her stabbing you to death

Lyrics269:
The vast majority of nigerian men hate women and spew trash about them often reducing them to slut and evil doers.
They think masculinity is about commanding and ordering women up and down and are very much against feminist women and men alike.
I have been called a shimp for pointing out the hatred by some so called alpha male just because i help my girlfriend to do house work and run some minor errands whenever i visit her.
What's wrong with nigerian men?

Nigeria men don't actually hate women but want a dummy they could control around
But this current generation is on auto start

They won't tolerate what their mum accepted in marriage

Lyrics269:
What's wrong with me assisting my girlfriend? I have been washing her plates and sometimes clothes and she has been very supportive of my actions

Dont let those who have complex issues with themselves deceive you pls

Let them keep on envying you for being supportive

All you want is a happy relationship even if it will involve you washing plates and doing house chores, so far you are happy doing it

Barims:
Why does my younger sister want to kill me? We had a fight this morning, and she went ballistic again. I had to rush to the neighbors house to hide for the time being, and I haven't returned home. My younger sister detests me to no end. Even my parents are scared of her, but I have never seen her go violent with them or my siblings, but only me. I don't know what I did to deserve so much hate from her; she hates seeing me. I went home yesterday because we are currently on break at school. Typically, I don't go home because I know the kind of demon waiting for me at home. I'm always careful around her because anything could set her off. I'm really afraid of her. She has attempted to kill me before, but she failed. I know she will try it again.

I recall she never showed up to even check on me when I was seriously ill and on the verge of death in the hospital. I could see the disappointment on her face when I returned home after being released from the hospital. She didn't even look at my side, much less stand up to hug me as my other siblings rushed to give me a hug and some even gave me a peck.
I once slapped her during a fight we had. My sister hurried into the kitchen to get a knife. Without hesitation, I knew that if I waited for her, she would stab me, possibly killing me, so I hurried to the bathroom and closed the door from inside. My attempts to understand why she always treats me violently have been ineffective. I have periodically pleaded with her for us to be at peace. She continuously claims that I will change, but nothing has ever changed!

I'm beyond frustrated. Due to a medical problem I have, I normally cannot defend myself. I have no chance of defeating her because of how strong she is. She is in charge in the home. My parents are doing nothing to stop this vicious brat, What can I do, please? I'm 22; she is 19.

I will ask you just one question

Is it possible that you don't put your mouth or hand in anything patterning her in that house

I mean just don't involve her name on any matter in that house
Because wall have ears and it may get to her ear

But am still wondering why your parents are tolerating such nonsense at home

One day by the time she is fine with you, she will pick up your parents

But when next she tries nonsense with you and just go to the police station make a report and there after move out of that house if you have anywhere to stay

If care is not taken she may develop pyschiatric issues within herself

Elewokun:
I think he should just be patient and watch them. Just because of his children. He can't win the war. Except the wife decide to liberate herself which she won't.

Well, he is a patient man and he is ready for them all this time

But he will win if he will pour out all the mother in law does that he doesn't like

If he miss it this time around, he has lost it all

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

You have no blame at all for waiting this long

Now that you confronted your mother in law is the best time to do so

As for your wife, she packed out herself and not that you chased her out

Just relax, she is waiting for you to look for her

I think you should allow her stay with them untill she is fully ready to stop taking orders and control from her

Meanwhile just be watching them and their drama till it's time for family meeting

They are the one to call for family meeting, not you
The meeting will seat on top of your mother in law head

Be prepared to express yourself that day and voice out all you have without reservations

There in your presence your mother in law will be giving a stern warning and after that take your wife home

When you get home, change am for her and take charge of your home

SultanOfAbia:
My mother is furious that I don't want to come over to the UK.
This month my younger sister left for UK and it's remaining me.
Documents and all papers are right and after couple family intervention I decided to go for interview.
I really didn't want to go to Uk
I love my life here in Nigeria tho things are hard.. it's still my home
I feel more connected to my father's land.
Going to abroad is not my plan. My mother thinks I'm possessed by spirit that want me to not succeed.
My uncles have pleaded with me to go and join my mum and sis in UK.

I was given UK visa last year, refused to join my sister that traveled this May

honestly I don't want to move to Uk.
I know how hard life can be in 9ja but i still love this country.
Mumsi says she is really dissapoinmented in me for staying back.
Did I do anything wrong?

If suffering never tire you, stay and keep hoping till you come to your right mind

Its your life but don't start regretting when you are tired of staying behind while others are moving ahead

LifeOfTrigga:
na you go pay e school fees?

Honestly I will if that's what he wants

Forrkke:
Thanks, boss

I'm definitely marrying her


But I just didn't buy into the pregnancy idea.

I agree with you but you know, that will be her own assurance from you