hotwax: Polygamy is illegal in some European countries. Its legal in Arab/Muslim countries.
Although Polygamy is not totally legal in Nigeria thanks to the White wedding being arranged by the Customary court. However, Polygamy is allowed in Nigerian Islam settings (Muslims correct me if I am wrong).
The bottom line is, before the almagamation by Lord lugard, our fathers down south married more than 1 wife, regardless of their religion. This works without any problem in the society. There was no feminist association e.t.c. From my own personal background, our great grandmother even asked our great grandfather to marry a younger wife who can take care of him better when he clocked 60.
Polygamy is a native African setting.
Despite all these, these generation of people lived longer than our current generation, our life expectancy is now down to 60years, whereas it was 80 during their time.
In addition, promiscuity, prostitution, hookup was not popular. There was reduced broken home. Nowadays some marriages don't even last 6months.
I can go on and on...
My Submission
Give me one reason why you are promoting polygamous marriage
Is it because you want many wives
Is it because you want women to keep fighting themselves and poisoning each other's children
Or because you want to marry them just to bear your name and there after then can breed like dogs and the children will become nuisance and liabilities at your old age
Absuchat: My take is.... If you must be married in this generation, go for polygamy... Else remain single (that's if you really want to live upto the said life's expectancy)
Why not take the lead since you can handle polygamous life
Stop misleading people, to handle just one wife is an issue talk more of more than one
Borntosmoke: I have this my friend, I don't know how he live his life. When he graduated, he doesn't share to people, dont even post it on WhatsApp status for people to rejoice with him. Now, he is currently doing nysc, nobody knows he is doing nysc. He doesn't post pictures. The stupid thing about him. He can post music videos or another thing on is Whatsapp status. I see this as selfishness. Why are some people like this. If you want to keep low profile, keep low profile with sense. At least let people know about some of your achievement, I'm not saying you should broadcast all your achievements, you don't where your helper may come from. May be through your WhatsApp contacts or social media
I like such people
You see in this life, you don't know who is happy for you and who is planning evil against you
I use this same system to live a low life
One have to hide his head, either because it's too big or because it's too small
Davizee: I have heard lot of people talking about entering Street but I don't know what it means I am planning on entering Street next year but I need a little enlightenment on what it's like Is it rosy or something the weak shouldn't consider? I need an elaboration on this I am 19 by the way
If you enter street at 19yrs What age do you think you will be in the street before you come out
I think instead of entering the street to become what I don't know
Enter university and gain knowledge and come out as a graduate
My girlfriend and I intend to settle down by the end of the year or early next year.
The problem now is I need to meet her parents to make my intentions known, but I don’t know how to do that, neither does she.
She’s 23, and I’m 25.
What do I take along with me? What are the thing I need? I do I approach them? I honestly have no idea what to do.
She asked one of her cousins, and that one said I should go with two envelopes, one for the mother and another for the father. And that I need to go with Schnapps, wine, and kola nut or something, and that I’ll drop 1k on the table before talking. And she said I must go with a friend or relative. Is this necessary for the first meeting?
Also, which one is envelope again? How much do I need to drop in each one? Why is this even necessary? Is that how it’s done?
My intention is to go and make my intentions known, know the brides list, and what to do going forward.
My girl actually wanted to me to get her pregnant, so that everything can be easy to process. But I prefer to do the right thing
Suggestions are welcomed
Is the envelope to induce them or to bribe them to accept yoir visit
I will advise you go with your uncle one or two to inform them of your intension
Your uncles will advice you how to prepare your self
But pls ignore the part of envelop so that you do to start what you will not finish
Dont entice them with money, that may be a wrong impression
If you know within you that you are getting married to her, you can decide to pregnant her or not
But I think that can take place after the introduction
To avoid any issue that may comes and you decide not to marry her
Barbados20: Goodmorning house. Family and friends are pressuring me to marry but this is the dilemma am going through.
Genotype has become a major barrier for me to get married to lady whom I love. We are tested both AS. My fiancee is from the same ethnic and christian background like me.
On the other hand, I have this female friend whom i recently ask to know about her gnotype. She told me she is AA. Like joke, i ask for confirmation and she brought all d test results frm different lab. The issue is now this female friend is not from my tribe, she from a muslim background although she does not seriously practice it.
My fiancee from my tribal background, but genotype did not match with me. And the other lady from different background, she is AA and match with me. One girl I dated then was AA but the love was not there between us.
Its really frustrating to be AS if you are a Man that want to settle down I am really confused right now. Am above 30. How do i handle this issue of Genotype, ethinc and religious issues? Pls i need advice.
You know what, focus your antenna and search light in the areas you want from women
The Muslim lady is a choice because of her genotype and not really because you love her
If her both parents are Muslims then it may be a challenge for her to change to religion
Your other lady that ticked into your box is not a good match because the genotype doesn't match
My advice is be calm and start searching but know your areas of specification
Mamzi: I feel I don't love my wife because she doesnt respect nor Honor me as a husband. I feel I mind is not in the marriage even though I provide enough for her and even for her parents and siblings but I don't think she have ever appreciated me for what I do.. currently my trust for her vanished away because recently when I was away for a 1 day short trip, I discovered she was having a video call and chats with a certain guy from 9pm till 1am. I don't know what to do and I don't feel I can stay with a woman I don't trust nor love anymore... What do I do pls.
siofra: So, I told my parents I don't want to get married. I do not recommend telling your Nigerian parents you don't want to get married😹
My mom put her hand on her head and looked at me with pity lol. She said I don't have a goal in life, she said I'm empty.
My father was even more dramatic. He started praying o. He told me to kneel down and starting casting and binding all the evil spirits and his village people.
Ngl, it was hilarious. It's not like I don't want to get married though, I just wanted to see their reactions.
But why can't parents accept that not everyone wants to follow the way they did things? That I don't want a husband doesn't mean something is wrong with me and I won't be lonely because I plan on having 29 cats, a dozen goats and scores of chickens.
PepperSauce: The rules are: 1. Ensure she's virally suppressed by visiting the clinic with her to check her last viral load copies. Note ; < 9 means a good viral suppression and be sure her result wasn't fake. 2. Be prepared for PrEP uptake which would last for 3 months after necessary screening by a counsellor tester. 3. Ensure your diet is rich in protein foods and fruits concurrently while on rule number 2, and use a condom while having sex with her *no shaking* after a week into PrEP initiation as a double edge protection during that 3 months. Feel free to have unprotected sex with her after completing the 3 months of PrEP, provided she adhere to her drugs including DO and DON'T. 4. Ensure you get tested monthly and follow up on her daily medication including clinic visit for her result update because your safety is in her hands.
Killerbag36: Bhla bhla cheating from a woman deserves beating nd death sef u really don't know that pain men feel wen der woman cheat on them. U think say na all men fit take cheating woman lol we when de take am are demons we just de forgive to waste her tym nd fuvck her join as punishment to her we know wat we are doing aside the simp though
PowerOfLove: This has bothered me such that my friends and I had to go into argument today.
A civil servant may earn N150k or less in Nigeria but he or she lives in a 1 or two bedroom apartment with family, well furnished, eat 2-3 times a day of average or standard food, dress well and smell nice. He may even have a car of his/her own. Total annual salary is less than N2m.
But a taxi or Keke driver makes at the lowest N15k everyday but they hardly have what to show for. A mini bus driver once told me he made N30k the previous day and I was shocked. Due to hike in prices of fuel, the shortest distance now is N100 and that is huge when summed with the number of passengers at the end of the day. So on average, they make N15k/day, and for 30 days is N450k. Remove whatever may take money from them including maintenance, they should save up at least N150k/month.
But you hardly see any of them living in a standard apartment. They stay in one room apartment where pots and stove are kept inside that same one room. They born 4 or more children 4 and still stay inside that one room. They don't dress well and don't look like those feeding well. They do contribution here and there, still nothing to show.
Where do these people keep their money? What is collecting money from Taxi and Keke drivers, even when they obviously earn more than civil servants but standard of living cannot be compared?
I'm a concerned Nigerian.
Their life style is responsible for their broke life
They don't believe in planning because they touch money every day and always believe that any time they enter road they will touch money
They drink any how after the days job and end up with their numerous girlfriends
They don't save for rainny days that why when their vehicles knocks engine they become helpless to repair it So they will rather borrow money to repair it and work to pay back the money
They don't service their vehicle the way their civil servant counterpart does because they belive that it's not really necessary but a waste of time
They are not after being neat and at times they don't bath to be neat but bath for water to touch their body
Civil servants are educated and very civil, they won't to school amd understands that they have to create a particular standard of living
But you see this bus drives, lack of education is part of their problems
And they keep women in every major parks so they can branch anytime to be with them
So he must spend to impress them
Inshot they have access to women anyhow in the parks
englishmart: Domestic violence is a pandemic that has bedeviled the world since time immemorial, and it's something everyone frowns at. Many have lost their lives, damaged body parts, etc to domestic violence. Let's say you visited your sister and met her in this battered/mangled state, and upon enquiry found out it was her husband that inflicted it upon her, what would you do?
I will go take her along as am going including her children
If she refuses to follow me, i will snap pictures of her and take to my parents and family and advise them to go and collect their daughter alive or wait for her corpse to arrive
I cant say if this problem is peculiar and I would sincerely appreciate mature comments and suggestions.
My marriage is just about a year old though I had an on/off online friendship with my now-wifey since 2017 before we decided to get serious late 2021. Our physical courtship was kinda brief - about 6 months - while we both resided in the same state but different Cities (about 3hrs apart).
I used to be very sexually active in my previous relationships - trust me when i say I'm quite good in bed - but with my now-wifey, I decided to limit the sex part cos i felt at a man's age (tho my sisters also advised same) that there r other things to look out for in a woman. So basically, we did not get too intimate during courtship. Worryingly, even the few times we did it, I rarely got to orgasm cos she couldn't match my stamina.
Fast forwards to 1 month into the marriage, I was diagnosed with High blood pressure which the doctors advised BP drugs might affect my libido but it will later regulate/normalize. Then the problems started! First, I get aroused normally with good turgidity enough to penetrate my Wifey's tight "body" but I tend to loose erection after some mins of thrusting and that's the end. Never comes back on again. Few times I was able to finish but that's not without alot of mental imagination to make me finish ontime.
Very worryingly for me, I decided to check myself with other women and dear readers, I achieved stronger turgidity and no fail moment. That was my first shock.
Summarily, my wife and I still dont live together but this situation has gone worse now. I got no sexual feelings towards her and na by force we dey manage run 1 round in weeks. Meanwhile, I get sex requests from other girls on a daily. I'm very sad about this situation especially when i look at my wife because she ought to be enjoying this thicke alone forever.
As a man, you can imagine how you'd feel when your woman feels ur impotent while other women are bugging you for your time.
Various extreme thoughts have crossed my mind and I'm seriously bothered which isn't even good for my health. Should i confess to my wife?
CoolNL: I and my siblings grew up in a very dramatic polygamous home, it was both hectic and toxic at a time.
We vowed to break the yoke of polygamy in our family but I don’t know if I’m toeing the line already.
I already have a child with a lady though I didn’t marry her, but we ended our relationship in 2020. We are cool and we are both taking care of our child without troubles, we only talk about our child and we don’t share what’s going on in our lives with each other.
I recently met a girl I plan to marry by the first quarter of next year, she is from a nuclear family and she knows about my family background as well. She’s been asking me what I’ll do if the mother of my child says she won’t allow my child visits or come spend the holidays with me except she is also allowed to come spend the holiday with my child in my house.
The question sounds confusing at the same time funny to me because I don’t know how a woman I stopped seeing since 3 yrs will suddenly say she won’t allow my child visit except she comes along.
That’s not my worry, I want to know if marrying my girlfriend when I already have a child with another woman will make me a polygamist.
Mod please help move to front page
Cc RoyalRoy
You are not yet a polygamist
If you marry your current girlfriend and you have a baby mama that both of you are looking after the child who is in her custody, it doesn't make you a baby mama
But you have to protect the interest of this current girl friend while you still relate with your baby mama
You dont need to start telling her things about your current girlfriend, it makes no sense
Likewise you don't tell your current girlfriend deep things about your baby mama
Then you limit discussions about your plans with this baby mama and make your discussion centered on your baby alone
Your baby mama will marry another man and with that, you will be free from her ever coming back to you
So all you need is to assure your current girl friend that nothing of such will happen
But if you loose guard and pregnant your baby mama
This time around she will pack to your house with her children
Am married for 6 years with two kids. Some months ago, my wife started denying sex so much that we hardly have 2 times in a month. Because of this, I no longer disturb her this days cos it's better to let her be than to be rejected since most times I expected her to say no or give an excuse or the other which am always about 90 percent right about.
This days, I don't feel attracted to her sexually anymore. I have never cheated on her but this days, the thought of doing so is gradually creeping in. Have tried talking to her about this but no change. I don't want to start what extra marital affair but am tempted to.
I need your advise guys.
There are no much advice to you
You did well to stop asking her since you know that it will still be rejected, worst still you don't feel attracted to her sexually anymore.
You see that thing your heart is telling you, follow your heart Me I don't know what your mind is telling you but follow your mind
You are too young to get your engine knocked
Women have been using sex as a weapon and men have been getting solutions to it
Na Life story nobi made-up tales... It's happening to me.
Being jobless at times is a disease, I've been at home for sometime now waiting patiently till when my school will release our result... Along the line I've gone round to check what I can lay my hands to do. since am a newbie to my current environment were I base. at least to keep myself busy instead of doing nothing, upon my research of finding myself a job, I couldn't secure any job , so I went back home and trusting God for a job. I barely go out except I have something important to do outside and were I live is surrounded by married women.... So recently there's dis my neighbor's wife who has been stylishly staring at me and when my eyes caught with hers she will look away and smile. but to me, I didn't read any meaning to that, I thought it was just a normal thing untill recently she confronted me and explain why she as been staring at me and her reasons was that she likes me and want us to be friends, She was like u know it's been long her hubby's been around and it's always just her and their little girl and she'd want me to come around to keep her company if I'm free like I always cos I hardly go out becuz I have no job. So as a gentle guy, I have been visiting her house for the past 3 days now to discuss and watch some romantic movie with her...so recently, I discovered that she has got so emotionally attached to me even it got to the extent that she keeps calling me on phone unnecessary to visit her and by the time am with her she won't say anything reasonable instead she will start telling me how she misses my absence. so dis morning I decided to visit her and when she saw me she was just smiling althrough while with her and then she started acting weired and I could notice that and i asked her what the problem was, so she open up to me and narrated everything saying that she has been secretly staring at me without I knowing, and what she said that got me scared was when she told me to impregnate her that she likes my facial looks and want her child to take after my look. I just couldn't feel comfortable with her anymore becuz {I no expect say such word fit come out from her mouth} she even promise to compensate me if am able to get her pregnant....I just told her to give me sometime to think about it. The lady in questions na very beautiful woman, she fine pass Mami water sef and na every man's dream... She has a 5yrs old daughter and her husband is not always at home.. To be candid I think I love her and I can't allow dis offer to pass me by .
I have resigned to my fate and after seeing so many ladies going out to commit adultery I do not bother if my wife bleep outside but she must do it codedly becuz if I catch her na problem.
Right now, my Spirit Is Willing to resists dis temptation but my Flesh no gree.
Abi wetin una think ...... Shey mak I do or make I no do.
Dey play You head is bigger than any problem you will encounter
Iamtirednow: It's a long story but Will make it short.
I messed up financially and my wife supported me and our little child for a long time.
Luckily I finally got out of such lifestyle that ruined me financially.
And am busy fighting and trying everything to build myself up again.
But now my wife, the one who has supported me financially alot. Helped me paid my debts I got myself into.
Which I honestly do appreciate and are waiting patiently for the day am back on my feet again to financially show her my appreciation .
She now sees me as her greated Enemy.
Hates me with passion.
For a month she only cooked her own food noodles and ate or order take away.
If I cook she don't eat it.
I have been the one cooking.
Just once EVER she is washing cloths over the weekend, she removed my own cloths.
And weather rain or sun since I married her I have always help her to wash her own cloths with washing machine.
She now hates me with passion.
Her family became aware of the situation her family sided with her. Only her e Most elder brother understood my concern and said he will speak to her.
My wife made every arrangements to move away from my house. I Luckily found out from her phone when I started seeking for answers why she hated me suddenly so much.
She called me lazy, etc. That I can't do these and that.
Though I have tried to explain to her the problem I had. And also I lost my job last year.
Almost 2 months now I live with a total stranger. One who don't call me name she used to call me before as her husband. She said she don't love me again. That nothing will make her live with me again.
We have 3 year old son.
The problem is that we don't live in Nigeria. I married and brought her over here 5 years ago.
She is working and Luckily doing fine in her own line of business.
Please these story is not complete. It's too long am just trying to make it as simple as possible.
Am not judging her. Like I said. I messed up financially which brought me down to my kneels as a man.
So please gge area I would like to know is should I ask her to leave as she wants to. She said she wants to go back to school. And chase her dream that we are 2 different people.
Mind you we never dated. I was encouraged by a family member that she was a good girl. I spoked with her and liked her alot. And I was looking to settle down. Got tired of the lifestyle of clubbing, changing woman from here and there over here.
She accepted my proposal and I did the traditional and her documents and she joined me.
So I want to know.
Should I let her leave.
I never treated her bad I anyway. I have always tried to do everything for her. Only that I took a bad path that ruined me. Now yes am broke. Struggling to build myself again.
I felt sick like fever for 3 days couldn't sleep at night my wife didn't even know.
There was a time I didn't have food to eat my wife ordered her food and eat up.
Am not demanding nothing as I know I brought it upon my self.
But as the deed is already done. Should I let her go?
I am gradually beginning to lose the trust I have for her.
I think her mind is finally made up. So if I must let her go. How best can I do these. Also about my son.
Thank you
I think you should just let her be If she wants to go let her go but don't chase her out and I'd she goes, keep communicating with her, as for uoir daughter, she will take care of her
When she goes use that period to reevaluate your life style
Use that time to start a fresh and work on yourself
You will come back bouncing then you will decide if you will go and search for her or move on
Once a woman opens her mouth to tell you that she doesn't love you any longer and puts it up in her character
CuriousMind2022: It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.
My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.
I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.
We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).
I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.
I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!
I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.
I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.
Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.
She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.
I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.
This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.
I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.
The big question here is, does she know what it means to be in love and care for love sake
For marriage to work out successfully, love is the major ingredient
I just hope her attitude won't lead you to seek for love else were
Just follow your heart because it's too early to cry
GEEBITE: The thought that your husband has propensity to do rituals should scare the hell out of you and make you flee the marriage. You are an endangered specie if it is true. My response is in line with your thoughts.
Any man or husband that will be bold enough to tell his woman that he is a ritualist is not even a man
Lady tracks down husband's sidechick & retrieves the benz he bought for her.
#wetindeyhappenTV
Well I don't think it's real
But if it's real, I will rather tell my husband that am aware he bought Benz for his side chic that I want him to tell me when I will get my own Benz
The reason why I will not collect that Benz from her is because I don't know if he used the girl for rituals to get money for Benz and riches and it's a must that he must buy Benz for her to appease her
Romance › Re: What Is Exactly Wrong With Polygamy? by frozen70(f): 12:40pm On May 26, 2023
