₦airaland Forum

Prosper82:
I Feel Like My Marriage Is Falling Apart

I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed. We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.


I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

The problem I see here is two individuals with different methodology of parenting, one of the reason you got married is cohesion, cohesion of ideas, ideals and methodology.

I might understand that your wife is afraid of what will happen to her children when she is not watching them, you need to find ways of reassuring her of their safety. Personally I think it's absurd for an 8 year old to still be sleeping with her parents, she needs to start learning independence.

My suggestion is that you sit with your spouse and talk, it may be that she is having low libido and might need medical help and the children are just a shield to the problem. You guys need to talk, plan and experiment. You can fit a crib for your baby in the room while your daughter sleeps in the next room with both doors of the rooms open.

wwwkaycom:
I gave my house documents to my cousin to take a bank loan of 3 million naira but I like to retrieve my documents back because of the way he and his wife have been doing things since October, 2019.

He is involved in sales of agrochemicals. He discussed with me on how profitable the business is but that he didn't really have money to put into it.

The wife lost her job in the bank and had to join him in the business. Being a close cousin and friend of mine, I gave out my house documents to him as collateral and the bank actually came to do some inspection in my house and I signed some documents.

The big issue now is that my cousin have not paid a dime back since August last year when he got the loan and between then and now he has done 3 parties that I'm sure gulped lots of money. The wedding of his younger sister in October, wedding of his brother in law in December and 40th birthday of his wife in January. These were serious lavish parties which I think could be done modestly.

I asked him on Monday about the loan and he said his moratorium will expire in February and there's no cause for alarm. This is different from what he told me before I released my documents, he said he will have gone far in repayment even before the expiration of moratorium. I reminded him about this but he said there is no problem about his ability to pay back since the business is lucrative.

I also discovered that one of our uncles actually borrowed him 2 million naira in 2017 which he hasn't paid back till now, he hasn't paid a dime back, I didn't do due diligence before releasing my documents to him.

Uncle told me yesterday that he would have discouraged me from giving out my documents if I had informed him before the loan was granted. Uncle also told me that he disagreed with him about his clubbing and partying lifestyles as a struggling businessman but that instead of appreciating his concern, he and his wife fought him and boasted his 2 million naira will be paid back before mid 2018 but till today he hasn't paid a dime. Hope I haven't shot myself in the leg with this help which I think I rendered to a friend and family?

The worst part of it is that my wife was not fully in support of my intention to help him then.

Where do I start from good people?

He promised to start paying by January ending, if he fail to do this, is it possible to break that bond and retrieve my documents from the bank? Can I tell him and the bank that I'm no longer interested in guaranteeing the loan? I'm afraid, kindly help.

My advice is that you go look for 3 million naira, go to the bank with your cousin, repay the loan, collect your documents and move on. Please for future sake, never sign as a surety for anyone, you just put the roof over your families head in jeopardy.

According to Timaya one of the advice Tuface gave him when he was buying cars indiscriminately is "plan your life". We have just too many artists both old and new that have abused their bodies and made zero investment for their future.

I fondly tell artist that the have a shelf life of 10 years, during that time they need to leverage on their fame and fortune to make investments that will last another 50 years. The lucky artist shelf life exceeds 10 years, some even go as far as 40 years ( i.e Michael Jackson, sunny ade) the mystery about the whole thing is that you don't know how long you will last. The painful thing about a few artist is that they hit it big and lavish all they earn on frivolity, then comes the entitlement, some even go as far as crime.

To solve this problem, I think we need short courses for artist were they can learn about planning, money management, investing etc

showafrica:
So, does it mean law makers don't know this or they dont want to. This is really surprising to me and unfurtunate at the same time.

It's all about control and numbers, we have the poorest of the poor in the north, in every 10 persons walking on the street in zamfara state 9 of them are extremely poor, in Katsina state in every 5 people walking on the street 4 are extremely poor and it goes on in other states too. If we change the structure of our institutions, the poor people won't be able to afford basic infrastructure and will be forced to do whatever it takes to afford it, which would lead to a break down of law and order. The political class can't rule when there is a break down of law and order, so it's common sense to keep these set of people satisfied as much as they can, irrespective of the implications it posses to the country. So basically instead of us changing an inadequate leaking tank we keep patching. I gathered from a reliable source that some states in the north are allocated electricity, they don't pay for it.

showafrica:
I really want to know why no one in the chamber is talking about this. Why are they doing the same thing and expecting different thing. Does the FG really enjoy this darkness or are they making it big with the same pattern. How can one grid run the whole Nigeria. Why hasnt any governor stand up and say, this is what i want to do in my state..

There are laws restricting governors from creating power generation plants on of such laws is that if yo generate more than 50 megawatts, it has to pass through the national grid. So any governor that generates let's say 1000mw of electricity, has to pass it through the national grid for everyone to use. As I said earlier it's a structural challenge, change the laws and everything changes, as we speak there are many private investors willing to invest in our power sector but government regulations is a problem, one of such problems is government regulating the price of electricity. Nobody invests and is told how much he will sell his finished goods.

ALAGOGO007:
For many years now, Nigeria has been facing an extreme electricity shortage. This deficiency is multi-faceted, with causes that are financial, structural, and sociopolitical, none of which are mutually exclusive. Nigeria’s power sector has high energy losses from generation to billing, a low collection rate and low access to electricity by the population. There is insufficient cash generation because of these inefficiencies and the power sector is consequently reliant on fuel subsidies and funding of capital projects by the government.

At present only 10 % of rural households and 40% of the country’s total population have access to electricity. Power supply difficulties cripple the agricultural, industrial and mining sectors and impede the Nigeria's ongoing economic development. The energy supply crisis is complex, stems from a variety of issues and has been ongoing for decades.

As of December 2013, the total installed or nameplate capacity (maximum capacity) of the power plants was 6,953 MW. Available capacity was 4,598 MW. Actual average generation was 3,800 MW. As of December 2014, the total installed capacity of the power plants was 7,445 MW.

The minister for power Babatunde Fashola said that 90 million Nigerians lack electricity supply. This is an indictment of the government and a clarion call on that same government as well as other stakeholders to do something urgently about the wobbling electricity supply situation in the country. Every year, the Nigerian government invest huge amout of money in the power sector with no positive impact, something seems not right!

The big question is, are we going to witness a stable power supply in our lifetime , will it ever happen?

Our electricity challenge is a structural challenge not an infrastructural one, we have treated it for long as an infrastructure challenge when in reality it has always been a structural problem, that is why no matter the amount of money spent the challenge hasn't been fixed.

We can't generate electricity in akwa ibom and send it to Kano, that doesn't make any sense, the points of failure are too much, that's why the infrastructure keeps on collapsing. Secondly electricity is the second card used by the political class to control the poor, the first being fuel subsidy.

The solution is simply decentralised the power industry, every state should generate and distribute its own electricity, or better still let it be done geopolitically. States that feel that their citizens are too poor can subsidize electricity for their people. Nobody will tell any politician to give his people electricity, if he doesn't he looses control, and the people will come after him.

In a state were about 70% of its population are living in extreme poverty, they are using 7billion to build government house. Do we still wonder why we are the poverty capital of the world?

Efe42:
I Received One From Oando And Other From Total despite All My Effort

Dear Applicant,
Thank you for applying for the Oando Graduate Accelerated Programme.
It was a highly competitive recruitment process, as we received numerous applications who all stood a fair chance of securing a place in the programme. However, based on our minimum pass mark requirement, you were not shortlisted and considered for the next phase of the programme.
We appreciate the interest you have shown and encourage you to apply for subsequent vacancies with Workforce Group.
We wish you success in all your future endeavours.
Thank you.
Warm Regards.
Workforce Team
To inquire about issues you are having you can reply this email.
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We regret to inform you that we are unable to proceed with your application for the post of YOUNG GRADUATE PROGRAM.
Having carefully scrutinized all the applications received, we selected the candidate who best met the criteria specified by the manager of this position.
We would like to thank you for the interest you have shown in the Total Group. Please note that new job offers are regularly published on our website. We invite you to consult them and to set up an alert by clicking .
Wishing you every success in your job search.
Yours sincerely,
Best regards,

You need to understand that the competition for jobs in IOCs is very steep, there are over 100,000 applicants for these jobs and the position available are not more than 100. So people with relationships in these companies have an upper hand because they are furnished with inside information of the requirements, secondly because of the huge application volume people are screened out based on stringent conditions (i.e I once applied to a company countless times and got rejected only to be told by someone I met in another interview that they only accept first class graduates). I will recommend that you see IOCs as bonus job opportunity, most people I know working in top IOCs started in smaller companies developed their skills and got recruited later in their career.

My advice is keep your options open, don't settle for fishing in the pond at your backyard when there is a river at the other side of your fence.

The same bile says "for God has not given us the spirit of fear but he has given unto us the spirit of power, the spirit of love and a SOUND MIND"

Sound minds don't go about having unprotected sex without thinking of the consequences.

Luke 14:28 "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?"

Married couples shouldn't use condoms, the you know how much damage this thinking has caused in northern Nigeria? do you know how much poverty it has caused? Do you know the insecurity it has caused?

God has given every individual the capability to produce countless amount of children but it is our choice to determine how many we want, this decision should be made on the basics of health, economic strength, and time.

These past few days I've seen more people beg for money using their childrens upkeep as excuse, the question I would like to ask them is what we're their plans when they were having sex and bringing these children into the world.

JustMe407:
Dear nairalanders, I need you honest advice on what to do. I am still a young man and any mistake now will have a grave effect on my future. So please, help a brother.

Be objective and consise please. It is a long narrative.

I have a girlfriend whom I have been dating for up to 10 months now. She has all the qualities of wife, friend and a partner. I mean, she prays for me, supports me and do many things that places her above average.

I've two issues that are bugging me;

First is, I just graduated from the University and started to follow the road map I designed for my life. I am hardworking, so I started doing business immediately after my defense. Interstate exports of perishables. While I was in school, I made a lot of money doing designs for students; I am a UI/UX designer. The problem here is that I can't account for all those monies I made. A lot of expenses especially for my girlfriend. Even till now, I am supposed to send her some money but will I continue like this? I need stability in my business and need to save more and need capital for the last mile logistics company I want to set up next year.

Second issue is; I recently returned from an event I attended in Lagos some days ago, I came back very late and was grossly tired. While we were chatting, she asked me some questions which I told her I was very tired and eventually, I slept off. My phone beside me till the next morning. Fast forward to yesterday, I told her of my intentions to concentrate more in building for the future - it doesn't mean our relationship would be off. She started asking questions like "do you need some space?" "Am I bugging you?" She also said I don't "speak her language enough" language here is bonding, intimacy and closure. I was surprised at her response.

I noticed she'd be online for a long time and won't reply me on time, so I asked her who she was chatting with and she replied someone. I ignored her. This morning she called, while we got talking I asked her about the person she was chatting with. She told me the guys name. And asked if I will forgive her of anything, I said yes. She now said, she was introduced to the guy and they got flirting from the day I came back from my journey and told her I was tired and needed to rest. Her excuse was that, I pushed her to and she just wanted someone to speak/talk to.

Now, my question is, Should I move on with my business and focus, or, should I continue with the relationship? I don't want to be with someone that gives up on me easily.

P.S I love her so much. And she does too. We've through a lot together.

Please moderators, help move this to front page for more contributions.

Your girlfriend is simply doing what the average person in a relationship without requirements will do. Simply put, your relationship is going the way it is going because it lacks requirements and boundaries of the players in the relationship. Example of a requirement is we can't have buddying discussion during the heat of work, we can't spend capital of the business, or no sex etc. From the requirements of both sides you will be able to tell the direction of the relationship. Building a career or business takes effort, resources and time, it's advisable to be in a relationship with someone that understands this.

Jueds:
Pls I'm a student of Microbiology in one of the Nigeria universities. I had 2.80 as CGPA in my first semester in 100 level. And first class has been my goal. Can I still make it to the Top? Pls I need your advise. Because it is a technology school where I'm using 5yrs.

Yes it's possible but difficult, you will need to make a 4.75 GPA every semester for the remaining 7 semesters.

What ever the case is we need better policies from the government. An example is a venture capital fund, they can talk to a few billionaires in the country and raise about $100m as venture capital for SMEs. SMEs that benefit from this platform can be allowed to import the necessary machineries they require duty free.

We just need to think creatively in other to solve our problems and stop living in denial.

AutoJoshNG:
In Dubai, one of the most fascinating features in public transportation is the Dubai Tram. The Dubai Tram is an essential part of Dubai transport network.

Generally, Trams are one of the safest modes of public transport in the world.  

What exactly is a Tram?

A tram is similar to a train in many ways. It runs on a railway-like line called a tramway. Just like trains, it consist of a series of coaches/carriages/vehicles. Trams usually run from a tramway to a railway line. It can also be modified to have the speed of a train.

The Dubai Tramway

The Dubai Tram is a tramway located in Al Sufouh. The tram service links Dubai Metro and the Palm Monorail and runs along Al Sufouh Road and Jumeirah Beach Road. It provides access to destinations such as the Palm Jumeirah, Dubai Marina and Jumeirah Lake Towers.

The tram runs for 14.5 kilometres (9.0 mi) along Al Sufouh Road from Dubai Marina to the Palm Jumeirah and Al Sufouh. It takes about 42 minutes to run from Al Sufouh to Jumeirah Beach residences.

In Dubai, to board and ride in a tram, you would need to pay with a Nol card. You can purchase one at any of the tram or Metro stations. A Nol Card can be used by passengers to check-in and check-out of the tram by scanning (tapping) the card at the platform screen doors.

The Tram has a fixed fare of AED 3 (N300) per ride, regardless of the distance travelled. But if you're paying for a ticket with cash,  you would have to pay at a premium.

The trams run every 10 minutes during peak hours and 12 minutes at all other times. A trip along the entire route takes about 40 minutes.

Dubai Tram is fully automated. It provides a vast number of features and services for the convenience of the users. For instance, it is air-conditioned; it has Wi-Fi access throughout its network. It also has a complete mobile phone network. There is also dedicated Tram police to enforce rules.

See Also: Checkout The Fully Air Conditioned Bus Stop Shelters In Dubai (PHOTOS)

So, if you’re visiting Dubai, and you plan to stay in Al Sufouh, Dubai Marina, Palm Jumeira, etc., you might need to use the Tram.

The Roads and Transport Authority, commonly known as RTA, a major independent government roads & transportation authority in Dubai coordinates the function of the Dubai Tram.

Autojosh.com takes you to the beautiful city of Dubai, to show you some photos of the fascinating Tram.

Now, why don't we have such mode of mass transit in major Nigerian cities?

Source:

https://autojosh.com/dubai-tram-this-is-one-of-the-safest-modes-of-public-transport-in-the-world-photos/

There are two factors of why we don't have these infrastructures.

The first is poor leadership: Good leaders see the future and plan for it, between the 60's and 80's, the country had a lot of disposable income that could have been used in developing critical infrastructure but they were squandered and wasted on the alter of power and politics. During Gowon's regime there were plans for an underground railroad from Lagos to Ibadan, but it all ended as a plan. These things were far cheaper to build then than now, the UK can't afford to build the London underground if they had to build it today same goes for other countries with massive infrastructure.

The second is closely tied to the first, finance is a critical problem, most of these infrastructures are very expensive, and as a result of population increase, the monies available are not sufficient. Countries like the UAE can afford to pay for these infrastructures because they are tourism destination, one of the dividend of tourism destination is cash flow, people will always visit and pay to use the infrastructure.

It's safe to say we have had a lot of wasted years as a country, but that's not something increase in productive can't fix.

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

Fidelity is a constituent of trust, commitment and loyalty. Once fidelity is broken a relationship is broken, I will advise you move on because it's quiet difficult to mend a damaged fidelity in men because they are territorial by nature. If you are trying to take a long shot by winning him back, you need to understand that trust, commitment and loyalty are not built in a day, week, month or year, it takes time so gaining them back will also take time.

I think we should all look at the date the Letter was written, who lobbies for a position on the day they are meant to hand over? A replacement must have been shopped for months ago.

If southerners are not happy with the appointments, they should express their displeasure when they takeover leadership of the country. All these noise we are making doesn't go beyond our ears, action they say, speaks louder than words.

ruggedtimi:
boring match... Joshua doesnt look convincing. Joshua Vs Wilder. Next, Congrats AJ

Any boxer with discipline can beat wilder, wilder is a one dimensional fighter, he always goes for the KO. He measures the opponent with the left hand and lands his deadly right hand, all any boxer needs to do is to make sure that he can't measure with his left hand, it's hard and will take discipline and dedication.

Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?

Every sphere of life is governed by relationship, be it work, social sphere, sports, politics etc. Your inability to effectively communicate is not just going to affect your love life it will affect all other areas of your life. The first suggestion to mastery in effective communication is listening, when you master the act of listening, you will be amazed how little you have to talk. There is a difference between listening and hearing, when your brain is processing information in other to deliver a robust response you are hearing but when your brain is simply trying to understand what the other individual is saying you are listening.

Secondly communication is characterized by interest, so if you talk to me about artificial hair or make up I will probably won't be able to communicate seamlessly compared to when you ask me about finance, tech, and venture capital. You need to know your audience interest to be able to communicate effectively with them.

AceOfRed:
Please I need legal or customary advice from experienced people.

My dad built a house in the early 80s; a 5 bedroom bungalow, that's before he got married. As at the time he completed the building, he was about to get married, while his 2 brothers were still single then. Because my dad was not based in my town, he gave all his 2 brothers 1 room each to stay in, as they were bachelors. My family occupies 3 rooms ensuite, while my uncles occupy the other two rooms, with a detached kitchen and toilet.

As time went on, they later got married, but still kept living in the single rooms. Now they have families, with my oldest cousin being in his 20s.

The problem is that the relationship between my dad and his brothers has deteriorated terribly over the past years to the extent that my uncle's and their wives now threaten my parents with murder and diabolical acts. In fact, I can't put on text the many issues that have arose between my parents and my uncles.

Now, my dad wants them to vacate his house but they bluntly refused saying that they will live there for as long as they wish. As the first son, he has divided their ancestral lands amongst them, but they have refused to put up there.

Their continued stay in that house has become a huge source of worry and headache to my parents. There is no day that one issue or the other doesn't come up.

My dad has reported them severally to the 'umunna', but this hasn't yielded any benefit. As members of the umunna are people of questionable judgement. They keep telling my dad to wait till my uncle's build their own house, but they are not even interested in building anything, as they have made it clear that they will live with my parents, just to be monitoring them.

what was your dad expecting after keeping them for over 20 years? over-familiarity breeds contempt, its best your dad treat this case as delicate because they are already threating him, which is a stone throw to carrying out their threat. Going to court might not necessarily solve anything because the law will allow them stay for 6 months to 2 years in other to get their own place. A better solution might be for your dad to erect a bedroom house on the ancestral land and then urge them to move in there if that fails he can go to court, the judge will be willing to evict them when he is sure there is an alternative even the Umunna will give judgment in your dads favor if an alternative arrangement is made for them.

I've been wondering, you just met your dream kind of man/woman, first few days you both fond of each other, chatting, calling and texting each other, as a guy everything you say is funny, as a woman you re washed with compliments, sweet talks, you guys hang out and all that. Next thing he invites you over or as a guy you invite her over.
Then the real deal happens, sex!!!!!!!

Then next thing no more calls, even as a lady you no more find him funny, then wide communication gap sets in, next thing is just hello, hi and it ends there.

What exactly could be responsible for this my country men and women??

Every relationship has a direction, this direction is dependent on the requirements of all parties in the relationship. No relationship should be allowed to continue if the player in the relationship are going in opposite directions. So the guy wants sex, the girl wants commitment, there is no agreement, it's therefore imperative that players in a relationship make their requirements and expectations known from the onset.

AgreatMan:
Sounds crazy, but the FRSC guys are 100% correct GPS is very distracting.

1. From her statement, she didn't deny when they asked whether she was using her GPS.
2. Next time, get a phone holder. Nobody can accuse u then.
3. They didn't ask for bribe, they told her to pay into a government account.

Bro please stop talking like this most cars manufactured today come with screen, which maps can be uploaded on to get directions it's a standard.

Secondly Google maps is equipped with voice prompt telling yo to move left or right or you have reached your destination.

We need to stop creating policies that don't make sense in this country, you will be surprised that the man that made this policy has never used the technology so he can't attest to it's benefits, this same man will rather constitute a nuisance on the road asking for directions.

Major businesses in the world have been created using this technology, are we saying the ministry of transport in the countries these businesses operate in are lacking on the intellect of safety? We can't continue to have half baked leaders overseeing key sectors of our economy.

Let me predict what will happen in the next few months, they will go after Uber and taxify, then the management of the companies will complain, after which they will be given special concession, then when road safety stop a vehicle they will ask are you uber, if so you are free, if not you are to be fined.

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

I must commend you for the standards you set for yourself. The thing is this the man that meets your standards are very few, meaning that the competition for such men is high. There are two ways to getting what you want and both are not easy.

I hear ladies say they want a tall, rich, well built, career-driven, fun-loving etc man. The thing is for him to be rich and career-driven he is most likely not going to have time for fun or working out etc. The fact is that some expectations are outright ridiculous especially when one lives in Lagos.

The first option you have is to be the woman that the man you seek wants, value asks for value, it might be sought of difficult especially when it has to do with physical attributes. The second option is to find a man that is on the path to what you want, you can find out about this when he talks about his long and short term goals.

instead of looking for a man, I will advise you to attend events and meet people, you will be surprised how you can get connected to the man of your dreams via a third party. Go out and meet people especially people that fall in the range of what you desire.

jahsharon:
Dear World Bank, past Nigeria's Presidents including IBB, Obasanjo, Goatluck who followed your evil directives to the letter, what was the outcome? Was it not tears, sorrows and suffering? Your polices are strategically planned to put Africa in perpetual slavery.

It seems that you people in World Bank are even suffering from amnesia, if not, you will remember that Buhari did not listen to your evil advice when he was Head of State in 1984, that was why you Europe and US instigated his overthrow. Buhari does nor forget, he won't listen to your evil advice this time either.

The above is why Buhari has been doing all his government business transactions with China, India and Russia and not with you evil Europe and US. You EU and US give fake loans to Africa and also help evil Africa politicians to keep over 90% of these fake loans in your banks when the politicians steal the money. China does not give loans in cash, instead China will build the infrastructure with and for Africans. No single kobo or dollar will touch the hands of the politicians.

China's policy of not giving cash but building infrastructure. with Africa is why the Kaduna-Abuja Railway has been completed, the Ajaokuta-Itakpe-Warri Railway has be completed, the Lagos-Abeokuta-Ibadan Railway is almost completed, the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway is almost completed, the Oyo-Ogbomosi Expressway is almost completed. What did Africa and Nigeria do with all the loans and advice that World Bank has been giving since time immemorial? The money is in banks in EU and US stolen by Africa's politicians.

Therefore, World Bank, EU, US, please shut the fucvk up. Buhari no send una. He is doing business with China, India and Russia.

The thing about borrowing to develop infrastructure is that the debt has to be paid, how do we intend to service the debt we owe at our present GDP growth? We need to invest in the creation of business enterprises, that will create wealth that we can use to service debt. I expected that this government should have come up with something like operation 1 million new businesses, were they help entrepreneurs in initial setup, they can uses the #50 stamp duty collected as venture capital for these business.

Instead they want to increase VAT, which by the way they are doing to convince creditors that they can service their debts.

My president is thinking about legacy, but forgetting that great leaders are not remembered for the roads or rails they built, they are rather remembered for their policies and institution they helped strengthen.

Labragadaya:
Please I Need Advise Urgently!

Pls I just registered this handle to avoid any form of backlash.

Here's my issue, I graduated in 2015 and I've been doing several things to keep body and soul together. However, late this year I got a teaching job in my states Civil service. The pay is somewhere BTW 45 to 50k and my place of assignment is in a rural area.

Pls also note that I do not have an education certificate which if I do not acquire soonest might cost me some years in promotions and maybe my job eventually.

On the other hand, I would like to pursue and build my career in the discipline I studied in school (a technical inclined course)and also further my education here (masters degree) which might provide me with better job opportunities and my teaching job provides ample time for this.

Well, the cause of my present dilemma is this - Recently, I got shortlisted for a job as a contract staff in a bank. I have just been deployed and I've been directed to resume within the week. The pay is around 85k per month plus other benefits.

Right now, I am confused if I should stick with the govt teaching job or I should go for the contract bank work which initially is for a period of 1 year after which it might be renewed (dicey). Pls I need the advice of people who have been in my shoe or in it currently? Which do I go for? What do I do?

lala pls move to front page

you need to ask yourself the question ''Do I want to a better paying job or do I want to build a career?''. The answer to this question should determine your next line of action, if you still intend to dive into the technical career I will advise you get skill as compared to an educational degree.

babasadiq79:
Hello i just graduated from the University, i need advice from experienced people.
To the experienced peoplewhat did you do when you graduated?

The era of graduate jobs has gone for ever, in fact abroad many top organisations do not require college degrees to give employment. So what these organisations need are skilled workers, so what you need is a skill. Decide on an industry you want to build a career on and get the necessary skills.

I guess you haven't been drafted for youth service, if that is the case, you are lucky cos you got a year to developing a skill coupled with the government paying your bills. If you can influence your youth service posting to an organisation that gives you the opportunity to develop your skills that will enhance the learning process. Another thing you need is discipline, decide on the skill and stay focused on developing the skill no side journey, no jumping into the new trend, focus.

There are many platforms available online to learn skills edx, Coursera, udemy etc. The information is available it's left for you to do the work.

Finally when choosing a skill ensure that it projects towards the future, the world is very dynamic, don't go learn skills that won't be relevant in 5years.

Welcome to the skilled economy, I wish you all the best in the journey

PalmcreditNIG:
If given the opportunity to pick between 15 million naira or to relocate to Canada, which will you pick?
Me i will pick the money oooooo

#15m is $40k, investing #15m will yield say 20% interest. If you go to Canada and you are lucky to get a good job, you should earn at least $40k per annum, let's say u save 30% in three and half years you should have made the $40k inclusive of a reasonable living conditions and stability.

Both decisions have it's merits and setback, I will advise that you do a proper analysis then make a decision.

Construction pace in Nigeria is too slow and as a result projects are extremely costly.

NwaAmaikpe:




Ibeto was the Cement company to beat, the banks came for him
Innoson became the face of Indigenous African vehicles, GTBank came for him. The court awarded the win to Innoson.
Capital Oil started making Oando and Forte Oil uncomfortable, AMCON came after him. The court once again awarded the win to Capital Oil.

Now, AirPeace is redefining the face of aviation in Nigeria and the US is now after him for laundering money.
Money that was duly transferred via the CBN to the Plane makers.
Something just does not add up.

My questions are,
Is it now a sin to be a successful Igboman.
Is it a crime to rise against the odds of being Igbo and excel in business in the uneven Nigeria playing field.

How come things are put in place for others to excel no matter what while every known persecution trails others?

I'm not asking a lot,
I'm just saying that water has passed garri when the mosquito begins to suck breast milk meant for the baby instead of blood.

Another factor you didn't categorically state is that all the other cases are local cases while chief Onyema's is an international case. He has released a statement that all documents he forwarded were vetted by the CBN, so it's up to his lawyers to prove beyond reasonable doubt.

As much as I wish that this case is a mistake, the criminal justice system don't make cases public they are not certain of.

Queentee214:
Hi everyone,
Am really confused on what to do right now and I need advice.

I and my ex broke up six months ago...I broke up with him cuz we are always having misunderstandings...not just that..he can't control himself when angry , he always end up insulting me and calling me names but apologize when he is calm.

The last one that led to our break up was when we went to his friend's birthday party..on getting there,,i met an old time friend(a guy) and we talked for few mins .i went back inside where the party was holding and I met my bf angry already,,we end up quarreling there and he called me a prostitute in front of everyone(that wasn't the first time he would embarrass me in public)...

I was hurt and left there...i started ignoring him and the relationship wasn't going well anymore...i broke up with him afterwards ..i love him but I can't accept his flaws ..we tried to get back together but end up blaming each other for everything.

Six months later, I'm in a relationship with another guy..he has his flaws too but not bad...
Now the problem is I still love my ex and we still talk and chat almost everyday...

He is the first person I call when I need advice and vice versa..my ex family thinks we are still together and always call to check up on me....this is causing problems in my new relationship....

I decided to cut contact with my ex but he is isn't ready to let me go and neither am i..

Just last week my bf broke up with me and told me to call him when am ready to cut off contact with my ex...

Am really confused and I don't know how to do what he asked me...pls anyone with advice on how to forget someone should help me

I need to forget and move on from my ex
....pls advice... Thanks

Pls no one should come here and start telling me I met a good guy and toying with his feelings..

My ex is also a good guy, he just has his flaws...I just need advice...

Thanks

Before thinking of going back to your ex, remember why he is your ex. Secondly why go into a new relationship when you are still licking the wounds of the old relationship? You will end up getting someone else hurt, you should have taken time to put things in proper perspective.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I sympathize with you on your situation, you may need to understand that what gives men joy is what they do and how much they make, the minute there is some sort of distortion in this happiness is out the window and they don't think straight.

Domestic chores is not something that men like, but it's also not something that they aren't capable of doing, the problem is it's being introduced at a time the man is questioning his manhood. You are definitely going to get stuff resistance, he lost his prominence at work, he sees domestication as loosing prominence at home.

Now I may be wrong but I think the reason he insists you do the chores is for it to affect your performance at work or better still loose your job. This behaviour is not emanating from wickedness, it's just out of frustration and questioning his manhood.

The fact of the matter is that 90% of the time he is is not going to get a similar or higher role than what he previously had especially now that a year has passed with him out of the labor market.

The solution simple go see your husbands mentors and get them to talk to him, not on the phone, face to face, he is more likely going to listen to them and make sure he is not in the loop that you went to meet them.

As men it is sometimes difficult for us to start again, because we use all our energy to build, life also teaches us to build, collapse, and rebuild. Learning this lesson makes us stronger and wiser. Women move on very easily especially when it pertains to a career but men tend to lick their wounds longer.

You and your husband need a date night were you guys will talk, communication is key. He won't open up easily about how he feels but persuasion will help him open up. You both need to discuss how you feel and come up with a framework on how to manage your home while this setback last cos it's only for a season, the sooner you learn the lesson life is trying to teach you the soonest it ends.

Start training the kids on how to clean up after themselves, your conversations with your husband should include getting someone that can come clean the house once in a week.

One of the biggest problems we have in Nigeria is our inability to honor agreements. This problem cuts across all cadre of the society, The government sign contracts and terminate it midway,

The other day, a law school graduate who had signed that she will adhere to all the rules and regulations of the bar, decided those rules were against her religion, Why then did you sign that you will adhere to them when you knew it was against your religion?

Then some corps members decided that they would wear skirts instead of the stipulated NYSC uniform, they also signed during the documentation process before they were given uniforms that they will adhere to all the rules and regulations.

Now slay queen who is under contract with the prestigious Queen's college decides to fix artificial beautifications, even when she knows it's against the rules and regulations of the school and sweet mother reinforces the bad behavior.

A people that make laws and do not adhere to them are people that are doomed to confusion. A people that tolerate the breaking of rules and regulations are a people neck-deep in chaos. A people who do not bear the consequences for their actions and inactions are people already drowning in failure.

God can not help us again any more than he already has, its time we start adhering to rules and regulation, stop being tolerant to those that misbehave and ensure that people face the consequences for their actions.

The solution is simple, open the borders. the reason for the inflation rise is that demand for food is high, and the supply of food is low. it's not only rice we eat we eat other imported things like fish, chicken, turkey etc. If the price of fish increases the tomato seller will have to increase the price of tomato to be able to afford fish. The closure of the borders is hogwash, the presidents of all the countries need to sit together and discuss the modalities of trade.

Fayose has forgotten that he set the standard for how election is being executed along side his brother obanikoro.