₦airaland Forum

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

There is something called the wisdom of timing, it is all about doing the right thing at the right time. Money has the potential of multiplying to become wealth, but if men are not sensitive to timing it never materializes.

Your boy friend lacks the wisdom of timing, and is already on the highway of poverty, same is the fate of those closest to him, you inclusive. The process of pulling someone out of a pit requires that the puller be way stronger than the pulled, not to talk of pulling multiple people out of a pit. Your boy friend needs to understand that he needs to build wealth to be able to help his family, if he continually give the resources required to build his wealth there will be materials left for building wealth.

There are some African mentality we need to discard, something's we describe as help is indirect distruction for both the giver and the receiver. The giver becomes poorer the receiver becomes entitled. It's easier to help folks make something out of themselves in the long term when you have some level of wealth.

I will advise that you have a talk about this with him. And if he doesn't see things from your perspective you may both have to go your separate way because you have opposing trajectory.

Haymaykar:
Fellow Nairalanders so I have been wondering if salaries are going to be paid during these Lockdown.. Because some these firms depend on the money they make from their customers in which they use In paying their workers salary..

So share your option of you think salaries are going to be paid..

It depends on if the organisation is creating value during the lockdown and how much the organisation has in its reserve account.

mosesbola:
I was having a conversation with a friend and she said it is forbidden to have sex with your husband (Legally married husband oo) on Good Friday..

What's your say guys

Biblical reference will be much appreciated ��

We have the liberty to do whatever we choose, but not everything we choose is expected of us. It's not a sin to have sex on good Friday, however the significance of the day is the death and suffering of our Lord in other to procure salvation to the world. Based on the significance of the day we ought to go into sober reflection of what has been done for us, it's kind of difficult to sober reflect in enjoyment and luxury. One of such enjoyment is sex.

NaijaRoyalty:
https://punchng.com/nigeria-to-borrow-6-9bn-from-world-bank-imf-afdb/

Simply put we can no longer pay salaries as a result of the fall of oil prices, hence we have to borrow.

Trello:
Hello everyone - I'm not quite sure whether this is the right section to post this.

Anyways, I currently hold a Master's degree and I also recently gained admission into a PhD program in a UK university but with no funding from the school and the estimated total cost of the tuition and living expenses amount to about #16 million for the 3 years.

So, I decided to come seek the opinion of folks here with better experience if it really worth spending this amount in the long run or should I rather invest this amount?

Thank you in advance!

I suppose you are trying to correlate future benefits with present cost? I have had a couple of friends that did their PHD in UK, as a result of their tight work after study policy, a handful of them couldn't stay back to work, also as a result of these policies the UK experienced a drop in international students. Most of these folks ended up in Canada or Australia, breaking into the market there wasn't as easy as they hoped. I will suggest that you choose a location for your PhD which offers opportunities to be able to recuperate your investment, at present the UK doesn't fit that description.

They are not saying anything we didn't already know, if the crude oil market sneezes Nigeria catches cold. All governments from 1999 have been paying lips service to diversification of our economy. I see no reason why Nigeria can't be the major exporter of beans, groundnut, cocoa, palm oil, and cassava to the world, an investment of $2 billion in mechanisation, $1 billion in irrigation and drip tech, and $2 billion in crop modification and fertilizer. After an initial $5 billion investment the private sector investment will cause a multiplier effect. Forex will just be coming on a persecond billing.

I'm afraid the options of palliatives are very limited, the non oil sector of the economy is still very weak, most manufacturing COYS depend on import of raw materials. During the last recession we should have invested say $2 billion on agriculture mechanisation, that way we would have catalysed the agric sector thereby increasing food production.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

I sympathize with you on your plight, the truth is that you didn't make any concrete plans for your children before you got married. What your husband is doing is called bait and switch, he knew the only way to get you was to agree to taking your kids even if he doesn't want them, now he has you, he can now switch to his natural inclination.

Secondly, every man knows how difficult it is to raise boys, not to talk of a teenager that the man has no history with, now a maltreated teenager who assumes the whole world is against him, I can tell you for free that they will clash with each other which could end badly and put a strain on your relationship with your spouse. No man wants anything or one that will trample on his authority.

You fell in love but never considered the implications of integrating a blended family together, better put you had no concrete plans on how this would work, your plans were based on assumption.

I will suggest you get professional help, go see a councillor who have experience in dealing with these kind of family crisis, I will recommend Mr Praise Fowowe. Add him as a friend on Facebook and see if you can get an appointment. I will also suggest you don't get extended family on the matter yet, a councillor will guide you on how to navigate them in the process.

P.S don't go about telling people you fund your family 70%, men have ego as thing as a thread, you need your husband to embrace your son, that's the goal do not create another problem that will take your attention away from the goal. Also make the necessary plan for the rehabilitation of your son, he has gone through a lot and will need professional help too.

Jaubdu:
For me I feel staying in love is so much more difficult than falling in love....Every reasonable opinions counts.

There are many ingredients that build up a successful marriage such as love, commitment, friends, understanding, agreement, collaboration etc. Many people go with the illusion that love is enough in a marriage but forget that things like agreement, companionship, understanding etc all strengthen love itself. The major ingredient to staying in love is to develop the mindset of being of service to one's partner, the minute self-service sets in, it's conflict all the way.

For PDP to have taken bayelsa, let's just forget imo, APC can't lose on two fronts.

Maniagist:
https://punchng.com/i-wanted-to-use-proceeds-for-marriage-bauchi-robbery-suspect/amp/

Our youths may have been systematically destroyed with what I will call lack of process. When we have so much unexplained wealth in the land, this becomes the results.

ijustdey:
https://www.vanguardngr.com/2020/02/2023-apc-should-be-ready-for-eviction-in-lagos-makinde/

Governor Makinde should be more concerned about being returned as governor than worrying about Lagos politics. There is a reason Bode George has failed to secure Lagos.

Mediarero:
The Kano State Government on Tuesday
ordered the arrest of street beggers who refused to go to school.

Gov. Abdullahi Ganduje gave the order  in Kano during the launch of Basic Education Service Delivery for All (BESDA) and distribution of offer


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3DR8ghDRzs

Are we certain this wouldn't brew another radical sect? These individuals beg to survive, what happens when they are restricted from begging? We need to look at things holistically before making huge decisions.

lordsterlin:
When the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission charged Olisa Metuh the former Publicity Secretary of the People's Democratic Party for laundering funds meant for the war against Boko Haram, Metuh had explained that he could not have known the source of the funds Col Sambo Dasuki (the National Security Adviser) gave him.

He went further to explain that the said 400million Naira his company received was for a stated national assignment approved by the then sitting president Dr Goodluck Jonathan.

To defend himself therefore he requested the Justice Okon Abang led court to subpoena the former President and Col Sambo Dasuki (the giver of the money) to testify reasons why his company was given such funds.

But quite surprisingly, Jonathan the acclaimed hero of Africa's democracy failed to show up in defense of the then National Publicity Secretary of his party despite him been the approving agent.

The former President as it would seem only secured immunity from prosecution for his immediate family while his aides are hounded. We all witnessed how Orubebe and others including Deziani Allison the former Petroleum Minister is been branded as looters.

Jonathan and his wife Patience Faka continues to visit the presidential villa to wine and dine even though he ought to be called to account for the humongous pillage of our nations financial resources under him.

Metuh and Sambo Dasuki should not suffer alone because someone superior to them gave them express permission to assess the funds as such they should not suffer alone while their ex boss walks freely.

Lol, all Nigerian former leaders are culpable of on crime or the other, they can't be charged because the incumbent leader is culpable of crime also. The wise thing that Mr Metuh should have done was go on exile $1 million is enough to live on for 8 years. But hanging on the misconception that they have to nail a former president before they get to you is the height of folly.

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

You need to understand that your fiancée comes as a package deal, she has a son. You are acting like the boy is not in the picture. If you are going to be happily married to the mother you have to love and accept the son, that is the package any deviations from that will spell doom to the relationship. So the question you need to ask yourself is are you willing to become a father to this boy? If your answer is no I suggest you break up with this lady and allow her move on with her life.

Brodapounds:
Hello dear nairalanders.

Please I'm going through a state of mental confusion.

Currently i have approximately 20 million and 300 thousand naira in my bank account.

I have two thoughts.

1) I am 25 years old but I'm not a university graduate, i only have ND (National deploma) from a polytechnic In Edo state, Auchi precisely.

I would have become a graduate years ago but after my "ND" years ago, i refused to go back to school and i decided to hustle for money.

Most of my classmates in school back then are all graduates but all the same, looking at my bank account now, i have no regrets.

So this is what i plan on doing.

1) Can i further my Education In any university in the United States with the money and plan on staying back after my degree, for the fact that I'm 25.
Will that be advisable?

2) should i stay back in Nigeria and use part of the money to build a house In my hometown in Benin and use the rest for business?

3) Is there a chance of going to USA and start all over again, look for job.
Will the money be enough to rent a house, foot some bills untill i see a job in the USA.

Note i choose USA only because it's my dream country, I'm not scared of the traveling ban because I'm 100% confident that it will be taken away few months from now.

Please i won't be replying any mention or questions.

All i want is to take note of good advice.

I already know a reliable traveling agent.

Please other suggestions are welcomed apart from mine.

Please help

A better option will be to apply for the Canadian skilled worker, get a permanent residence in Canada. You can then start a business in Nigeria and shuttle to Canada at will, that way you wont be testing the waters with both feet.

Omooba77:
https://punchng.com/we-need-100000-more-soldiers-to-defeat-boko-haram-says-zulum/amp

A million soldiers can't solve the problems in the north east, Mr governor roll your sleeves and start creating prosperity in your state, when people have money, they will protect themselves and their community.

Diligentnigga:
Good morning Nairalanders, I will make this as short as possible and please don't mind my punctuation as I am typing this in a rush

I am a graduate, though unemployed but doing one or two menial jobs to keep mind and soul together

I have this girlfriend I have been dating for almost two years now. We both love each other but the issue at hand is she's a stubborn, anger driven person that insults my parents. In fact hit me sometimes and says all manner of words at me.

Of recent, I found out she's pregnant this February. Now the issue is she's a finalist in the University as she will be serving this year October, but we had plans of not doing abortion but she's so ashamed of everything and just irrational and saying all manners like what people will say this and that, and I have told her I will stay by her through everything. I informed my mum and my immediate siblings about the pregnancy, they were angry but they were like it's fine sha since she's loved in the family

Now the issue is
1 She's very stubborn
2 she insults my parents at every small argument
3 she's anger driven, yes am anger driven to an extent also but I have never used my anger to do stupid things like hitting her before compare to many times she has Slapped, locked my shirt and punched me.
4 we had an issue last night and it was in public and she was just shouting at me, passers by and onlookers were just amused that why would a lady be like this that she now had to take a big stone and throw at me, though I dodged the stone all because i was gearing her to let's leave the public scene and go home
5 A baby is on the line cos she's pregnant and even if you will advise me to leave the relationship as it's toxic, what about the unborn child.
6 I am currently unemployed and in fact am still at home not yet balanced up well enough, but she has used nags to kill me, saying all manners at me

All insults are welcomed. Please I am in die need of advise thank you.

Look man, you are in the season of planning your life, the trajectory of your life is dependent on this season. You don't need this drama. You are clearly not prepared to make a commitment to this lady, you can barely take care of yourself not to talk of a woman and a child, you ought to be more responsible.

Strongmercy123:
Good evenin everyone. Pls I need a word of wisdom and advice from matured minds here. I’m 28 yrs I will be 29 in 2days.

I feel I’m about to make a life mistake. I have been dating my bf for 10yrs now, yes I was young and independent as at that time, the love was so sweet that we could do anything for each other. My bf left the country 5yrs ago and since then it has been long distance relationships, our communication was good.

He visited Nigeria December last yr and left the first week of January. He Begged me to wait for him again and I agreed. I’m currently pregnant and I’m scared to keep the baby, I spoke to him about it and he was happy.

Recently he is complaining of not having money and all. he has suddenly change with the way he talk to me and he doesn’t even have plans for me. He hardly calls and hardly pick my calls. I have tried to talk to him about his recent attitude and he will always end up calling me nag.

I’m thinking about going for abortion but I don’t know if it’s a great choice. He is 34yrs, pls I need advice.

Your write up points to the fact that you are a very smart lady, and smart ladies usually make smart decisions. Smart ladies also understand that until a man has gotten his act together he isn't going to commit to a relationship, meaning until he resolved that he is experiencing some level of stability of providing and protecting you, he feels unqualified to commit to you.

Every action and inaction carry consequences, if you keep the child you may have to assume full responsibility for him/her which is no walk in the park. If you abort the child you will have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life.

The fact is that you made a bad decision sleeping with someone you haven't seen for five years, you don't know his sexual history over that time, he could be infected, you could have gotten pregnant etc. The wise thing to do was to protect yourself, except you assumed that getting pregnant will make him commit. These are variables you allowed your emotions make, now you have to make logical decisions about your future.

JONNYSPUTE:
How Do I Make My 4years Old Son Understand Or S He Still Too Young

Happy Sunday my fellow Nairalanders. Sure we all are cool?

Sorry to bother you all but I have been worried since what transpired between myself and my son who will be 4yrs by June this year.

I was not able to go to church today due to the fact that I just came back from travel very late yesterday night.

So I was asleep when my wife and my two sons left for service. I woke up around some minutes after 12 noon and decided to wash some of the undies I wore during my journey.

As I was doing that, my wife and kids came back and my son rushed straight to my room shouting daddy daddy, when I answered from the bathroom and he came in and saw me washing, the question he asked me has been making me uncomfortable.

He said "Daddy, why are you washing? Are you a girl? Before he could finish that my wife walked in and said to him, Don't worry, very soon you will start washing your clothes by yourself but what got me more worried was his reply. He told my wife that he won't wash his cloths that it's girls that are supposed to be washing.

Honestly, I'm worried, will he out grow this mentality?

I need a wide coverage, please.

I don't think you need to worry about anything, your son is in his formative stage, he accepts information from different sources from that he forms a character.
His character is going to align with dominant information he receives, the passive information he receives play a lesser role. So your job as parents will be ensuring that you control the dominant information he receives.

One of the things my father taught me was to be able to take care of myself, there was nothing like woman's work, so learn to cook because you need to eat to survive, you learn to clean in other to stay healthy, nobody is more concerned about your well-being than yourself so take care of yourself. When there is help to do these things accept and appreciate it and when there is non DIY.

I knew that manU had entered one chance when they paid £89m for pogba. First of all he is an over rated player, I presumed he would have developed to the status of prilo but the guy lacks focus.

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

I sympathize with you my dear, however you need to understand that anything that is being built to last has to have a solid foundation and building a solid foundation is governed by rules of the necessary modalities of how strong a foundation is required.

Simply put, every strong marriage is built on core values, your family core values create the rules and regulations that govern your family. These core values are communicated to anyone that comes to live in your home, irrespective of how close our family is boundaries are required so that people are not offended or take offense. The problem here is your marriage hasn't been built on core values, I can bet that your brother in-law does whatever he wants, when ever he wants and however he wants.

I will suggest you solve this problem holistically because it's only a matter of time other family members will come with their own behaviour.
What I think you can do is give your husband plenty of sex, after which discuss creating core values and rules to govern your home, write them down, your husband is the chief enforcer of the core values, communicate your core values to anyone who decides to live with you and outline the consequences.

It would have been a lot easier to do it before you both moved in together, but it's never too late to be right, confronting your BiL may not be a wise step, he is the family informant, anything he says they will believe.

kiyosaki1:
During a meeting with Minister of Foreign Affairs, Geoffrey Onyeama, Pompeo said that the restrictions were imposed on Nigeria and five other countries because the United States Government wanted them to do more to ascertain the information on travellers.



http://saharareporters.com/2020/02/04/visa-ban-us-secretary-state-pompeo-express-hope-reversal-nigeria

It all about security, our government is managing the security challenge with brut force when they are supposed to be working on intelligence. An example of this is the Samuel/Mohammed who tried to bomb winners chapel in Kaduna, how can we have citizens that we don't know who they are? The US understands the danger this poses.

Solution, sack the National Identity Management Commission chairman, talk to the banks and telecommunications industry, they have experience in registering people and issuing legal tenders (ATM), we need to know who is who.

We can confirm the identity of 70% of our population in a year, if we are serious.

Goodgod213:
Hello guys as the title says, I have 500k To setup a unisex salon in Isolo or it’s Axis.A unisex salon that will have Pedicure, Hairdressing and A Barbing salon in it?? Will it be enough?? Please if you have a similar business can you suggest things I should look out for??

I and my woman are setting this up and we really want to get it right.

What you need is a through research from players in the industry, I doubt you will get much from here. I will suggest you prepare some set of questions about starting up a unisex saloon, visit 5 barbing saloon in your area while cutting or shaping your hair ask your prepared questions you can put your phone on record to document the responses. When waiting your turn at the barber's you can ask the other people waiting for the kind of service they will require. Let your wife do same in the female saloon. I believe you will be able to gain info on how to judiciously invest your capital.

agwom:
https://www.dailytrust.com.ng/kwankwaso-wants-to-return-to-apc-ganduje.html

Always remember that the same measure you dish to your benefactor is what will be given to you when you become a benefactor.

Prosper82:
I Feel Like My Marriage Is Falling Apart

I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed. We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.


I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

The problem I see here is two individuals with different methodology of parenting, one of the reason you got married is cohesion, cohesion of ideas, ideals and methodology.

I might understand that your wife is afraid of what will happen to her children when she is not watching them, you need to find ways of reassuring her of their safety. Personally I think it's absurd for an 8 year old to still be sleeping with her parents, she needs to start learning independence.

My suggestion is that you sit with your spouse and talk, it may be that she is having low libido and might need medical help and the children are just a shield to the problem. You guys need to talk, plan and experiment. You can fit a crib for your baby in the room while your daughter sleeps in the next room with both doors of the rooms open.

[quote author=wwwkaycom post=86041540]I gave my house documents to my cousin to take a bank loan of 3 million naira but I like to retrieve my documents back because of the way he and his wife have been doing things since October, 2019.

He is involved in sales of agrochemicals. He discussed with me on how profitable the business is but that he didn't really have money to put into it.

The wife lost her job in the bank and had to join him in the business. Being a close cousin and friend of mine, I gave out my house documents to him as collateral and the bank actually came to do some inspection in my house and I signed some documents.

The big issue now is that my cousin have not paid a dime back since August last year when he got the loan and between then and now he has done 3 parties that I'm sure gulped lots of money. The wedding of his younger sister in October, wedding of his brother in law in December and 40th birthday of his wife in January. These were serious lavish parties which I think could be done modestly.

I asked him on Monday about the loan and he said his moratorium will expire in February and there's no cause for alarm. This is different from what he told me before I released my documents, he said he will have gone far in repayment even before the expiration of moratorium. I reminded him about this but he said there is no problem about his ability to pay back since the business is lucrative.

I also discovered that one of our uncles actually borrowed him 2 million naira in 2017 which he hasn't paid back till now, he hasn't paid a dime back, I didn't do due diligence before releasing my documents to him.

Uncle told me yesterday that he would have discouraged me from giving out my documents if I had informed him before the loan was granted. Uncle also told me that he disagreed with him about his clubbing and partying lifestyles as a struggling businessman but that instead of appreciating his concern, he and his wife fought him and boasted his 2 million naira will be paid back before mid 2018 but till today he hasn't paid a dime. Hope I haven't shot myself in the leg with this help which I think I rendered to a friend and family?

The worst part of it is that my wife was not fully in support of my intention to help him then.

Where do I start from good people?

He promised to start paying by January ending, if he fail to do this, is it possible to break that bond and retrieve my documents from the bank? Can I tell him and the bank that I'm no longer interested in guaranteeing the loan? I'm afraid, kindly help.[/quote]My advice is that you go look for 3 million naira, go to the bank with your cousin, repay the loan, collect your documents and move on. Please for future sake, never sign as a surety for anyone, you just put the roof over your families head in jeopardy.

According to Timaya one of the advice Tuface gave him when he was buying cars indiscriminately is "plan your life". We have just too many artists both old and new that have abused their bodies and made zero investment for their future.

I fondly tell artist that the have a shelf life of 10 years, during that time they need to leverage on their fame and fortune to make investments that will last another 50 years. The lucky artist shelf life exceeds 10 years, some even go as far as 40 years ( i.e Michael Jackson, sunny ade) the mystery about the whole thing is that you don't know how long you will last. The painful thing about a few artist is that they hit it big and lavish all they earn on frivolity, then comes the entitlement, some even go as far as crime.

To solve this problem, I think we need short courses for artist were they can learn about planning, money management, investing etc

showafrica:
So, does it mean law makers don't know this or they dont want to. This is really surprising to me and unfurtunate at the same time.

It's all about control and numbers, we have the poorest of the poor in the north, in every 10 persons walking on the street in zamfara state 9 of them are extremely poor, in Katsina state in every 5 people walking on the street 4 are extremely poor and it goes on in other states too. If we change the structure of our institutions, the poor people won't be able to afford basic infrastructure and will be forced to do whatever it takes to afford it, which would lead to a break down of law and order. The political class can't rule when there is a break down of law and order, so it's common sense to keep these set of people satisfied as much as they can, irrespective of the implications it posses to the country. So basically instead of us changing an inadequate leaking tank we keep patching. I gathered from a reliable source that some states in the north are allocated electricity, they don't pay for it.

showafrica:
I really want to know why no one in the chamber is talking about this. Why are they doing the same thing and expecting different thing. Does the FG really enjoy this darkness or are they making it big with the same pattern. How can one grid run the whole Nigeria. Why hasnt any governor stand up and say, this is what i want to do in my state..

There are laws restricting governors from creating power generation plants on of such laws is that if yo generate more than 50 megawatts, it has to pass through the national grid. So any governor that generates let's say 1000mw of electricity, has to pass it through the national grid for everyone to use. As I said earlier it's a structural challenge, change the laws and everything changes, as we speak there are many private investors willing to invest in our power sector but government regulations is a problem, one of such problems is government regulating the price of electricity. Nobody invests and is told how much he will sell his finished goods.

ALAGOGO007:
For many years now, Nigeria has been facing an extreme electricity shortage. This deficiency is multi-faceted, with causes that are financial, structural, and sociopolitical, none of which are mutually exclusive. Nigeria’s power sector has high energy losses from generation to billing, a low collection rate and low access to electricity by the population. There is insufficient cash generation because of these inefficiencies and the power sector is consequently reliant on fuel subsidies and funding of capital projects by the government.

At present only 10 % of rural households and 40% of the country’s total population have access to electricity. Power supply difficulties cripple the agricultural, industrial and mining sectors and impede the Nigeria's ongoing economic development. The energy supply crisis is complex, stems from a variety of issues and has been ongoing for decades.

As of December 2013, the total installed or nameplate capacity (maximum capacity) of the power plants was 6,953 MW. Available capacity was 4,598 MW. Actual average generation was 3,800 MW. As of December 2014, the total installed capacity of the power plants was 7,445 MW.

The minister for power Babatunde Fashola said that 90 million Nigerians lack electricity supply. This is an indictment of the government and a clarion call on that same government as well as other stakeholders to do something urgently about the wobbling electricity supply situation in the country. Every year, the Nigerian government invest huge amout of money in the power sector with no positive impact, something seems not right!

The big question is, are we going to witness a stable power supply in our lifetime , will it ever happen?

Our electricity challenge is a structural challenge not an infrastructural one, we have treated it for long as an infrastructure challenge when in reality it has always been a structural problem, that is why no matter the amount of money spent the challenge hasn't been fixed.

We can't generate electricity in akwa ibom and send it to Kano, that doesn't make any sense, the points of failure are too much, that's why the infrastructure keeps on collapsing. Secondly electricity is the second card used by the political class to control the poor, the first being fuel subsidy.

The solution is simply decentralised the power industry, every state should generate and distribute its own electricity, or better still let it be done geopolitically. States that feel that their citizens are too poor can subsidize electricity for their people. Nobody will tell any politician to give his people electricity, if he doesn't he looses control, and the people will come after him.

In a state were about 70% of its population are living in extreme poverty, they are using 7billion to build government house. Do we still wonder why we are the poverty capital of the world?