₦airaland Forum

Efe42:
I Received One From Oando And Other From Total despite All My Effort

Dear Applicant,
Thank you for applying for the Oando Graduate Accelerated Programme.
It was a highly competitive recruitment process, as we received numerous applications who all stood a fair chance of securing a place in the programme. However, based on our minimum pass mark requirement, you were not shortlisted and considered for the next phase of the programme.
We appreciate the interest you have shown and encourage you to apply for subsequent vacancies with Workforce Group.
We wish you success in all your future endeavours.
Thank you.
Warm Regards.
Workforce Team
To inquire about issues you are having you can reply this email.
Powered by AllDayHr Recruit


We regret to inform you that we are unable to proceed with your application for the post of YOUNG GRADUATE PROGRAM.
Having carefully scrutinized all the applications received, we selected the candidate who best met the criteria specified by the manager of this position.
We would like to thank you for the interest you have shown in the Total Group. Please note that new job offers are regularly published on our website. We invite you to consult them and to set up an alert by clicking .
Wishing you every success in your job search.
Yours sincerely,
Best regards,

You need to understand that the competition for jobs in IOCs is very steep, there are over 100,000 applicants for these jobs and the position available are not more than 100. So people with relationships in these companies have an upper hand because they are furnished with inside information of the requirements, secondly because of the huge application volume people are screened out based on stringent conditions (i.e I once applied to a company countless times and got rejected only to be told by someone I met in another interview that they only accept first class graduates). I will recommend that you see IOCs as bonus job opportunity, most people I know working in top IOCs started in smaller companies developed their skills and got recruited later in their career.

My advice is keep your options open, don't settle for fishing in the pond at your backyard when there is a river at the other side of your fence.

The same bile says "for God has not given us the spirit of fear but he has given unto us the spirit of power, the spirit of love and a SOUND MIND"

Sound minds don't go about having unprotected sex without thinking of the consequences.

Luke 14:28 "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?"

Married couples shouldn't use condoms, the you know how much damage this thinking has caused in northern Nigeria? do you know how much poverty it has caused? Do you know the insecurity it has caused?

God has given every individual the capability to produce countless amount of children but it is our choice to determine how many we want, this decision should be made on the basics of health, economic strength, and time.

These past few days I've seen more people beg for money using their childrens upkeep as excuse, the question I would like to ask them is what we're their plans when they were having sex and bringing these children into the world.

JustMe407:
Dear nairalanders, I need you honest advice on what to do. I am still a young man and any mistake now will have a grave effect on my future. So please, help a brother.

Be objective and consise please. It is a long narrative.

I have a girlfriend whom I have been dating for up to 10 months now. She has all the qualities of wife, friend and a partner. I mean, she prays for me, supports me and do many things that places her above average.

I've two issues that are bugging me;

First is, I just graduated from the University and started to follow the road map I designed for my life. I am hardworking, so I started doing business immediately after my defense. Interstate exports of perishables. While I was in school, I made a lot of money doing designs for students; I am a UI/UX designer. The problem here is that I can't account for all those monies I made. A lot of expenses especially for my girlfriend. Even till now, I am supposed to send her some money but will I continue like this? I need stability in my business and need to save more and need capital for the last mile logistics company I want to set up next year.

Second issue is; I recently returned from an event I attended in Lagos some days ago, I came back very late and was grossly tired. While we were chatting, she asked me some questions which I told her I was very tired and eventually, I slept off. My phone beside me till the next morning. Fast forward to yesterday, I told her of my intentions to concentrate more in building for the future - it doesn't mean our relationship would be off. She started asking questions like "do you need some space?" "Am I bugging you?" She also said I don't "speak her language enough" language here is bonding, intimacy and closure. I was surprised at her response.

I noticed she'd be online for a long time and won't reply me on time, so I asked her who she was chatting with and she replied someone. I ignored her. This morning she called, while we got talking I asked her about the person she was chatting with. She told me the guys name. And asked if I will forgive her of anything, I said yes. She now said, she was introduced to the guy and they got flirting from the day I came back from my journey and told her I was tired and needed to rest. Her excuse was that, I pushed her to and she just wanted someone to speak/talk to.

Now, my question is, Should I move on with my business and focus, or, should I continue with the relationship? I don't want to be with someone that gives up on me easily.

P.S I love her so much. And she does too. We've through a lot together.

Please moderators, help move this to front page for more contributions.

Your girlfriend is simply doing what the average person in a relationship without requirements will do. Simply put, your relationship is going the way it is going because it lacks requirements and boundaries of the players in the relationship. Example of a requirement is we can't have buddying discussion during the heat of work, we can't spend capital of the business, or no sex etc. From the requirements of both sides you will be able to tell the direction of the relationship. Building a career or business takes effort, resources and time, it's advisable to be in a relationship with someone that understands this.

Jueds:
Pls I'm a student of Microbiology in one of the Nigeria universities. I had 2.80 as CGPA in my first semester in 100 level. And first class has been my goal. Can I still make it to the Top? Pls I need your advise. Because it is a technology school where I'm using 5yrs.

Yes it's possible but difficult, you will need to make a 4.75 GPA every semester for the remaining 7 semesters.

What ever the case is we need better policies from the government. An example is a venture capital fund, they can talk to a few billionaires in the country and raise about $100m as venture capital for SMEs. SMEs that benefit from this platform can be allowed to import the necessary machineries they require duty free.

We just need to think creatively in other to solve our problems and stop living in denial.

AutoJoshNG:
In Dubai, one of the most fascinating features in public transportation is the Dubai Tram. The Dubai Tram is an essential part of Dubai transport network.

Generally, Trams are one of the safest modes of public transport in the world.  

What exactly is a Tram?

A tram is similar to a train in many ways. It runs on a railway-like line called a tramway. Just like trains, it consist of a series of coaches/carriages/vehicles. Trams usually run from a tramway to a railway line. It can also be modified to have the speed of a train.

The Dubai Tramway

The Dubai Tram is a tramway located in Al Sufouh. The tram service links Dubai Metro and the Palm Monorail and runs along Al Sufouh Road and Jumeirah Beach Road. It provides access to destinations such as the Palm Jumeirah, Dubai Marina and Jumeirah Lake Towers.

The tram runs for 14.5 kilometres (9.0 mi) along Al Sufouh Road from Dubai Marina to the Palm Jumeirah and Al Sufouh. It takes about 42 minutes to run from Al Sufouh to Jumeirah Beach residences.

In Dubai, to board and ride in a tram, you would need to pay with a Nol card. You can purchase one at any of the tram or Metro stations. A Nol Card can be used by passengers to check-in and check-out of the tram by scanning (tapping) the card at the platform screen doors.

The Tram has a fixed fare of AED 3 (N300) per ride, regardless of the distance travelled. But if you're paying for a ticket with cash,  you would have to pay at a premium.

The trams run every 10 minutes during peak hours and 12 minutes at all other times. A trip along the entire route takes about 40 minutes.

Dubai Tram is fully automated. It provides a vast number of features and services for the convenience of the users. For instance, it is air-conditioned; it has Wi-Fi access throughout its network. It also has a complete mobile phone network. There is also dedicated Tram police to enforce rules.

See Also: Checkout The Fully Air Conditioned Bus Stop Shelters In Dubai (PHOTOS)

So, if you’re visiting Dubai, and you plan to stay in Al Sufouh, Dubai Marina, Palm Jumeira, etc., you might need to use the Tram.

The Roads and Transport Authority, commonly known as RTA, a major independent government roads & transportation authority in Dubai coordinates the function of the Dubai Tram.

Autojosh.com takes you to the beautiful city of Dubai, to show you some photos of the fascinating Tram.

Now, why don't we have such mode of mass transit in major Nigerian cities?

Source:

https://autojosh.com/dubai-tram-this-is-one-of-the-safest-modes-of-public-transport-in-the-world-photos/

There are two factors of why we don't have these infrastructures.

The first is poor leadership: Good leaders see the future and plan for it, between the 60's and 80's, the country had a lot of disposable income that could have been used in developing critical infrastructure but they were squandered and wasted on the alter of power and politics. During Gowon's regime there were plans for an underground railroad from Lagos to Ibadan, but it all ended as a plan. These things were far cheaper to build then than now, the UK can't afford to build the London underground if they had to build it today same goes for other countries with massive infrastructure.

The second is closely tied to the first, finance is a critical problem, most of these infrastructures are very expensive, and as a result of population increase, the monies available are not sufficient. Countries like the UAE can afford to pay for these infrastructures because they are tourism destination, one of the dividend of tourism destination is cash flow, people will always visit and pay to use the infrastructure.

It's safe to say we have had a lot of wasted years as a country, but that's not something increase in productive can't fix.

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

Fidelity is a constituent of trust, commitment and loyalty. Once fidelity is broken a relationship is broken, I will advise you move on because it's quiet difficult to mend a damaged fidelity in men because they are territorial by nature. If you are trying to take a long shot by winning him back, you need to understand that trust, commitment and loyalty are not built in a day, week, month or year, it takes time so gaining them back will also take time.

I think we should all look at the date the Letter was written, who lobbies for a position on the day they are meant to hand over? A replacement must have been shopped for months ago.

If southerners are not happy with the appointments, they should express their displeasure when they takeover leadership of the country. All these noise we are making doesn't go beyond our ears, action they say, speaks louder than words.

ruggedtimi:
boring match... Joshua doesnt look convincing. Joshua Vs Wilder. Next, Congrats AJ

Any boxer with discipline can beat wilder, wilder is a one dimensional fighter, he always goes for the KO. He measures the opponent with the left hand and lands his deadly right hand, all any boxer needs to do is to make sure that he can't measure with his left hand, it's hard and will take discipline and dedication.

Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?

Every sphere of life is governed by relationship, be it work, social sphere, sports, politics etc. Your inability to effectively communicate is not just going to affect your love life it will affect all other areas of your life. The first suggestion to mastery in effective communication is listening, when you master the act of listening, you will be amazed how little you have to talk. There is a difference between listening and hearing, when your brain is processing information in other to deliver a robust response you are hearing but when your brain is simply trying to understand what the other individual is saying you are listening.

Secondly communication is characterized by interest, so if you talk to me about artificial hair or make up I will probably won't be able to communicate seamlessly compared to when you ask me about finance, tech, and venture capital. You need to know your audience interest to be able to communicate effectively with them.

AceOfRed:
Please I need legal or customary advice from experienced people.

My dad built a house in the early 80s; a 5 bedroom bungalow, that's before he got married. As at the time he completed the building, he was about to get married, while his 2 brothers were still single then. Because my dad was not based in my town, he gave all his 2 brothers 1 room each to stay in, as they were bachelors. My family occupies 3 rooms ensuite, while my uncles occupy the other two rooms, with a detached kitchen and toilet.

As time went on, they later got married, but still kept living in the single rooms. Now they have families, with my oldest cousin being in his 20s.

The problem is that the relationship between my dad and his brothers has deteriorated terribly over the past years to the extent that my uncle's and their wives now threaten my parents with murder and diabolical acts. In fact, I can't put on text the many issues that have arose between my parents and my uncles.

Now, my dad wants them to vacate his house but they bluntly refused saying that they will live there for as long as they wish. As the first son, he has divided their ancestral lands amongst them, but they have refused to put up there.

Their continued stay in that house has become a huge source of worry and headache to my parents. There is no day that one issue or the other doesn't come up.

My dad has reported them severally to the 'umunna', but this hasn't yielded any benefit. As members of the umunna are people of questionable judgement. They keep telling my dad to wait till my uncle's build their own house, but they are not even interested in building anything, as they have made it clear that they will live with my parents, just to be monitoring them.

what was your dad expecting after keeping them for over 20 years? over-familiarity breeds contempt, its best your dad treat this case as delicate because they are already threating him, which is a stone throw to carrying out their threat. Going to court might not necessarily solve anything because the law will allow them stay for 6 months to 2 years in other to get their own place. A better solution might be for your dad to erect a bedroom house on the ancestral land and then urge them to move in there if that fails he can go to court, the judge will be willing to evict them when he is sure there is an alternative even the Umunna will give judgment in your dads favor if an alternative arrangement is made for them.

I've been wondering, you just met your dream kind of man/woman, first few days you both fond of each other, chatting, calling and texting each other, as a guy everything you say is funny, as a woman you re washed with compliments, sweet talks, you guys hang out and all that. Next thing he invites you over or as a guy you invite her over.
Then the real deal happens, sex!!!!!!!

Then next thing no more calls, even as a lady you no more find him funny, then wide communication gap sets in, next thing is just hello, hi and it ends there.

What exactly could be responsible for this my country men and women??

Every relationship has a direction, this direction is dependent on the requirements of all parties in the relationship. No relationship should be allowed to continue if the player in the relationship are going in opposite directions. So the guy wants sex, the girl wants commitment, there is no agreement, it's therefore imperative that players in a relationship make their requirements and expectations known from the onset.

AgreatMan:
Sounds crazy, but the FRSC guys are 100% correct GPS is very distracting.

1. From her statement, she didn't deny when they asked whether she was using her GPS.
2. Next time, get a phone holder. Nobody can accuse u then.
3. They didn't ask for bribe, they told her to pay into a government account.

Bro please stop talking like this most cars manufactured today come with screen, which maps can be uploaded on to get directions it's a standard.

Secondly Google maps is equipped with voice prompt telling yo to move left or right or you have reached your destination.

We need to stop creating policies that don't make sense in this country, you will be surprised that the man that made this policy has never used the technology so he can't attest to it's benefits, this same man will rather constitute a nuisance on the road asking for directions.

Major businesses in the world have been created using this technology, are we saying the ministry of transport in the countries these businesses operate in are lacking on the intellect of safety? We can't continue to have half baked leaders overseeing key sectors of our economy.

Let me predict what will happen in the next few months, they will go after Uber and taxify, then the management of the companies will complain, after which they will be given special concession, then when road safety stop a vehicle they will ask are you uber, if so you are free, if not you are to be fined.

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

I must commend you for the standards you set for yourself. The thing is this the man that meets your standards are very few, meaning that the competition for such men is high. There are two ways to getting what you want and both are not easy.

I hear ladies say they want a tall, rich, well built, career-driven, fun-loving etc man. The thing is for him to be rich and career-driven he is most likely not going to have time for fun or working out etc. The fact is that some expectations are outright ridiculous especially when one lives in Lagos.

The first option you have is to be the woman that the man you seek wants, value asks for value, it might be sought of difficult especially when it has to do with physical attributes. The second option is to find a man that is on the path to what you want, you can find out about this when he talks about his long and short term goals.

instead of looking for a man, I will advise you to attend events and meet people, you will be surprised how you can get connected to the man of your dreams via a third party. Go out and meet people especially people that fall in the range of what you desire.

jahsharon:
Dear World Bank, past Nigeria's Presidents including IBB, Obasanjo, Goatluck who followed your evil directives to the letter, what was the outcome? Was it not tears, sorrows and suffering? Your polices are strategically planned to put Africa in perpetual slavery.

It seems that you people in World Bank are even suffering from amnesia, if not, you will remember that Buhari did not listen to your evil advice when he was Head of State in 1984, that was why you Europe and US instigated his overthrow. Buhari does nor forget, he won't listen to your evil advice this time either.

The above is why Buhari has been doing all his government business transactions with China, India and Russia and not with you evil Europe and US. You EU and US give fake loans to Africa and also help evil Africa politicians to keep over 90% of these fake loans in your banks when the politicians steal the money. China does not give loans in cash, instead China will build the infrastructure with and for Africans. No single kobo or dollar will touch the hands of the politicians.

China's policy of not giving cash but building infrastructure. with Africa is why the Kaduna-Abuja Railway has been completed, the Ajaokuta-Itakpe-Warri Railway has be completed, the Lagos-Abeokuta-Ibadan Railway is almost completed, the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway is almost completed, the Oyo-Ogbomosi Expressway is almost completed. What did Africa and Nigeria do with all the loans and advice that World Bank has been giving since time immemorial? The money is in banks in EU and US stolen by Africa's politicians.

Therefore, World Bank, EU, US, please shut the fucvk up. Buhari no send una. He is doing business with China, India and Russia.

The thing about borrowing to develop infrastructure is that the debt has to be paid, how do we intend to service the debt we owe at our present GDP growth? We need to invest in the creation of business enterprises, that will create wealth that we can use to service debt. I expected that this government should have come up with something like operation 1 million new businesses, were they help entrepreneurs in initial setup, they can uses the #50 stamp duty collected as venture capital for these business.

Instead they want to increase VAT, which by the way they are doing to convince creditors that they can service their debts.

My president is thinking about legacy, but forgetting that great leaders are not remembered for the roads or rails they built, they are rather remembered for their policies and institution they helped strengthen.

Labragadaya:
Please I Need Advise Urgently!

Pls I just registered this handle to avoid any form of backlash.

Here's my issue, I graduated in 2015 and I've been doing several things to keep body and soul together. However, late this year I got a teaching job in my states Civil service. The pay is somewhere BTW 45 to 50k and my place of assignment is in a rural area.

Pls also note that I do not have an education certificate which if I do not acquire soonest might cost me some years in promotions and maybe my job eventually.

On the other hand, I would like to pursue and build my career in the discipline I studied in school (a technical inclined course)and also further my education here (masters degree) which might provide me with better job opportunities and my teaching job provides ample time for this.

Well, the cause of my present dilemma is this - Recently, I got shortlisted for a job as a contract staff in a bank. I have just been deployed and I've been directed to resume within the week. The pay is around 85k per month plus other benefits.

Right now, I am confused if I should stick with the govt teaching job or I should go for the contract bank work which initially is for a period of 1 year after which it might be renewed (dicey). Pls I need the advice of people who have been in my shoe or in it currently? Which do I go for? What do I do?

lala pls move to front page

you need to ask yourself the question ''Do I want to a better paying job or do I want to build a career?''. The answer to this question should determine your next line of action, if you still intend to dive into the technical career I will advise you get skill as compared to an educational degree.

babasadiq79:
Hello i just graduated from the University, i need advice from experienced people.
To the experienced peoplewhat did you do when you graduated?

The era of graduate jobs has gone for ever, in fact abroad many top organisations do not require college degrees to give employment. So what these organisations need are skilled workers, so what you need is a skill. Decide on an industry you want to build a career on and get the necessary skills.

I guess you haven't been drafted for youth service, if that is the case, you are lucky cos you got a year to developing a skill coupled with the government paying your bills. If you can influence your youth service posting to an organisation that gives you the opportunity to develop your skills that will enhance the learning process. Another thing you need is discipline, decide on the skill and stay focused on developing the skill no side journey, no jumping into the new trend, focus.

There are many platforms available online to learn skills edx, Coursera, udemy etc. The information is available it's left for you to do the work.

Finally when choosing a skill ensure that it projects towards the future, the world is very dynamic, don't go learn skills that won't be relevant in 5years.

Welcome to the skilled economy, I wish you all the best in the journey

PalmcreditNIG:
If given the opportunity to pick between 15 million naira or to relocate to Canada, which will you pick?
Me i will pick the money oooooo

#15m is $40k, investing #15m will yield say 20% interest. If you go to Canada and you are lucky to get a good job, you should earn at least $40k per annum, let's say u save 30% in three and half years you should have made the $40k inclusive of a reasonable living conditions and stability.

Both decisions have it's merits and setback, I will advise that you do a proper analysis then make a decision.

Construction pace in Nigeria is too slow and as a result projects are extremely costly.

NwaAmaikpe:




Ibeto was the Cement company to beat, the banks came for him
Innoson became the face of Indigenous African vehicles, GTBank came for him. The court awarded the win to Innoson.
Capital Oil started making Oando and Forte Oil uncomfortable, AMCON came after him. The court once again awarded the win to Capital Oil.

Now, AirPeace is redefining the face of aviation in Nigeria and the US is now after him for laundering money.
Money that was duly transferred via the CBN to the Plane makers.
Something just does not add up.

My questions are,
Is it now a sin to be a successful Igboman.
Is it a crime to rise against the odds of being Igbo and excel in business in the uneven Nigeria playing field.

How come things are put in place for others to excel no matter what while every known persecution trails others?

I'm not asking a lot,
I'm just saying that water has passed garri when the mosquito begins to suck breast milk meant for the baby instead of blood.

Another factor you didn't categorically state is that all the other cases are local cases while chief Onyema's is an international case. He has released a statement that all documents he forwarded were vetted by the CBN, so it's up to his lawyers to prove beyond reasonable doubt.

As much as I wish that this case is a mistake, the criminal justice system don't make cases public they are not certain of.

Queentee214:
Hi everyone,
Am really confused on what to do right now and I need advice.

I and my ex broke up six months ago...I broke up with him cuz we are always having misunderstandings...not just that..he can't control himself when angry , he always end up insulting me and calling me names but apologize when he is calm.

The last one that led to our break up was when we went to his friend's birthday party..on getting there,,i met an old time friend(a guy) and we talked for few mins .i went back inside where the party was holding and I met my bf angry already,,we end up quarreling there and he called me a prostitute in front of everyone(that wasn't the first time he would embarrass me in public)...

I was hurt and left there...i started ignoring him and the relationship wasn't going well anymore...i broke up with him afterwards ..i love him but I can't accept his flaws ..we tried to get back together but end up blaming each other for everything.

Six months later, I'm in a relationship with another guy..he has his flaws too but not bad...
Now the problem is I still love my ex and we still talk and chat almost everyday...

He is the first person I call when I need advice and vice versa..my ex family thinks we are still together and always call to check up on me....this is causing problems in my new relationship....

I decided to cut contact with my ex but he is isn't ready to let me go and neither am i..

Just last week my bf broke up with me and told me to call him when am ready to cut off contact with my ex...

Am really confused and I don't know how to do what he asked me...pls anyone with advice on how to forget someone should help me

I need to forget and move on from my ex
....pls advice... Thanks

Pls no one should come here and start telling me I met a good guy and toying with his feelings..

My ex is also a good guy, he just has his flaws...I just need advice...

Thanks

Before thinking of going back to your ex, remember why he is your ex. Secondly why go into a new relationship when you are still licking the wounds of the old relationship? You will end up getting someone else hurt, you should have taken time to put things in proper perspective.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I sympathize with you on your situation, you may need to understand that what gives men joy is what they do and how much they make, the minute there is some sort of distortion in this happiness is out the window and they don't think straight.

Domestic chores is not something that men like, but it's also not something that they aren't capable of doing, the problem is it's being introduced at a time the man is questioning his manhood. You are definitely going to get stuff resistance, he lost his prominence at work, he sees domestication as loosing prominence at home.

Now I may be wrong but I think the reason he insists you do the chores is for it to affect your performance at work or better still loose your job. This behaviour is not emanating from wickedness, it's just out of frustration and questioning his manhood.

The fact of the matter is that 90% of the time he is is not going to get a similar or higher role than what he previously had especially now that a year has passed with him out of the labor market.

The solution simple go see your husbands mentors and get them to talk to him, not on the phone, face to face, he is more likely going to listen to them and make sure he is not in the loop that you went to meet them.

As men it is sometimes difficult for us to start again, because we use all our energy to build, life also teaches us to build, collapse, and rebuild. Learning this lesson makes us stronger and wiser. Women move on very easily especially when it pertains to a career but men tend to lick their wounds longer.

You and your husband need a date night were you guys will talk, communication is key. He won't open up easily about how he feels but persuasion will help him open up. You both need to discuss how you feel and come up with a framework on how to manage your home while this setback last cos it's only for a season, the sooner you learn the lesson life is trying to teach you the soonest it ends.

Start training the kids on how to clean up after themselves, your conversations with your husband should include getting someone that can come clean the house once in a week.

One of the biggest problems we have in Nigeria is our inability to honor agreements. This problem cuts across all cadre of the society, The government sign contracts and terminate it midway,

The other day, a law school graduate who had signed that she will adhere to all the rules and regulations of the bar, decided those rules were against her religion, Why then did you sign that you will adhere to them when you knew it was against your religion?

Then some corps members decided that they would wear skirts instead of the stipulated NYSC uniform, they also signed during the documentation process before they were given uniforms that they will adhere to all the rules and regulations.

Now slay queen who is under contract with the prestigious Queen's college decides to fix artificial beautifications, even when she knows it's against the rules and regulations of the school and sweet mother reinforces the bad behavior.

A people that make laws and do not adhere to them are people that are doomed to confusion. A people that tolerate the breaking of rules and regulations are a people neck-deep in chaos. A people who do not bear the consequences for their actions and inactions are people already drowning in failure.

God can not help us again any more than he already has, its time we start adhering to rules and regulation, stop being tolerant to those that misbehave and ensure that people face the consequences for their actions.

The solution is simple, open the borders. the reason for the inflation rise is that demand for food is high, and the supply of food is low. it's not only rice we eat we eat other imported things like fish, chicken, turkey etc. If the price of fish increases the tomato seller will have to increase the price of tomato to be able to afford fish. The closure of the borders is hogwash, the presidents of all the countries need to sit together and discuss the modalities of trade.

Fayose has forgotten that he set the standard for how election is being executed along side his brother obanikoro.

TechCapon:
Seriously as Christians, we need to study our Bible and learn things for ourselves because there are so many things pastors will refuse to teach us in church and even if they do they won't elaborate on it.
I was reading my Bible this morning and came Matthew 26 when Jesus was in Bethany and a woman came and pour an expensive ointment on his head, the disciples Judas Iscariot complained that she was wasting the oil that it should be sold and the money given to the poor instead.

Mathew 26:9
This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor."

Jesus responded and said something very striking.
Mathew 26:9-11

“Why criticize this woman for doing such a good thing to me?You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me."

What did Jesus mean by that?

Did he mean that poverty is a phenomenon that will always be in the world forever?

If so, why are pastors always preaching prosperity? Why are they not telling their members the truth?

Bible experts please explain because pastors hardly preach about this particular scripture.

I'm not sure what more explanation is needed, we will always have poor people in the world. Matthew 11:5 Jesus said the poor hear the good news, good news to a poor man is that he doesn't have to be poor, that's the prosperity message. We also need to understand that poverty occurs as a result of low productivity, so the message of prosperity is meant to spark the productivity catalyst.
It's one thing to hear the message of prosperity, it's another thing to work on productivity, so Jesus is implying that those who don't work on increasing their productivity level will always be poor. But those who accept the prosperity message by working on their productivity level will beat poverty.

The problem I have with some pastors is that they don't tell the poor the complete prosperity message, yes it's good to give but no wise farmer gives away his seed yam. We need to encourage the poor to use their little resources to create goods and services it's from the profit that they are meant to give generously. The poor are constantly told to give seed that they are meant to plant and asked to pray that harvest comes, but only thieves harvest where they don't plant.
I strongly believe that the church is the key to ending poverty in this nation is the church.

PDP dey like fall person hand, how Will you send Makinde to the war front when you have general Woke?

byna:
We got married in 2012 and ever since then we have been blessed with 3kids (3,boys).
I have a monthly upkeep of 130k for my wife as she only comes to our factory and goes home without doing much for the day aside taking care of kids and cooking.

I noticed that each time we have a misunderstanding, we both keep straight faces for days and she behaves as though she is less concerned to make up. It doesn't affect her chores or cooking as for me I hardly reject food served.

Now, after a couple of days, she would come for sex without wanting us to discuss and resolve the disagreement first.

Even when I feel rudely insulted, this happens. She feels whatever she does doesnt matter as long as Las Las na sex go end am. But I feel it's wrong and issues should be kept straight and fun time separate.

So we had same issues last week and we have been keeping straight faces yet I've been eating her food. Sometimes she joins me for mng prayers, sometimes she does her privately ( we do together before any misunderstanding)
So this mng she appeared stark nude to my room and demanded for sex after almost 15 days. I told her it would be unfair if we sweep the pass e events under the duvet. She got up and told me she wasn't ready to discuss any past misunderstanding that she came to f*uck. I told her I wasn't ready till issues are ironed out.

She taught it was business as usually as my John Thomas always disappoint me each time I see her nude but today I was ready to turn her down.

I Want to know if it's proper to always treat ur spouse the way you like knowing fully well that sex is their weak point for reconciliation?

Mature minds pls

You both just have two different perception of how to solve your problems, she sees sex as a solution while you want to trash the issues by talking about them. The reason for this occurrence is that you both have not deliberately but a communication framework for your relationship.

You guys have to work on your communication, have unresolved issues for 15days is not healthy for your relationship, you need to understand that your children are watching and learning from you both.

I think you both need to take time out to work on the modalities of your communication, sit together and decide on the rules and regulations of conflict resolution. Most conflict should be resolved before going to bed, some could last days but with constant communication.

Please have sex with her asap you don't need this to metamorphos into something else, I will suggest you forget about what happened 15 days ago and start working on the communication process together. The process will have rules and regulations guiding it, I suggest you write them down and store them safe.

For instance one of my rules is we don't argue Infront of the children, another is we don't correct each other in front of the children, another is we don't raise our voices when we have disputes. Some disputes are as a result of long term decisions that need to be made today, we talk every dispute before we go to bed, if it's one we still don't agree on, we adjourn it for a week and we both give it serious thought, then we come together and discuss it, if we still can't agree which is rare, we meet in the middle or sometimes when there are multiple disputes we pick two disputes and we both win in one. I'm not saying you should follow through with these methods, I'm saying create your own method.

After sometime you both will know who makes better decisions in what sector and it will be easy to see reason based on track record.

Cheers bro.

Obdk:
By 2020 wen he complete the factory he is building in Nsukka where Innoson agricultural machinery will be produced,,, by then ur hatred and pain will upgrade to suicidal level because the staff base will grow to about 13000. Ensuring improved painment for you

Bro do you know that if he actually employs 10,000 staff on minimum wage of 30k, his wage bill will be #300m every month?

AutoReportNG:
They are encapsulated in one, they are managed and regulated by the Lagos State Govt. They are responsible for the licencing, regulation of waterways within the state coastline and among others

Well, I see the nice jetty at falomo, what I don't see are tug boats, coast patrol and dredger etc. The ikorodu terminal is filled with water weeds of more than 20 meters from the coast, commuters climb from boat to boat to get in or out. If indeed they are responsible why aren't we seeing the results?

First and foremost, NYSC is not by force it's a choice, secondly before the start of the NYSC camp during registration, participants sign that they will adhere to all rules and regulations. Why is it that we breed citizens that can't honour contacts they sign? If they knew it contradicts their faith why didn't they reach out to their representatives in the federal houses or contest it in court?

We can't continue like this.

AutoReportNG:
Have you heard and read about LASWA? If not, please google them to see what they do

Their website quotes them as a water way regulatory body, it doesn't say anything about water way safety (coast guard, boat channel dredging and emergency management). If you have more information kindly share.