₦airaland Forum

IgiveLadiesBj:
What are you doing with 60k monthly for crying out loud? That is 720k/annum....
Money you can make in 1 month driving Uber/Bolt


If you are hardworking you can even make 1 million naira. Just don't join the lazy gangs...

See attached picture of monthly gross

Satanist they have come o.

1m a month driving uber. Are you serious?

Godoverevery:
So what your point exactly

We left them alone to live there life without interfering you saying we are bitter inlaws.

Or you expect me to be singing praises of a woman who rained insult on my lil sis because of table water....

Nothing as change between me and my brother but if you expect me to like someone who obviously doesn't like me/lil sis then you are really joking.

This my own point incase you don't get it.....why is it always you woman that have problems with the husband family and not the other way round.

You don't need to like her. Just don't tag all of us and put us all in the same box because of her. Treat each case individually with it's own variables. For instance, I have been threatened with death by my BIL. Is it the same as your case? No.

As for your point, men also have problems with inlaws. But most of them handle it better than women do. Besides, the wife's family generally behave themselves around the man of the house. Almost all my siblings are older than my husband, but they take permission from him for the littlest things.

And you hardly see the woman's family coming to challenge him that it is their sister's house the way the husband's family are always singing that it is their brother's house.

As I said in an earlier post, this matter is a robust one. Everyone should just learn to accept each other and respect themselves.

Godoverevery:
Bitter inlaw

U are the one speaking from evil point of view........

They don't need to offend you before you hate them.....your own siblings will offend you many times will you hate them.

Is ladies like who will fight her husband for sending money to is mum without taking permission from you.

You see why I said you are commenting from the POV of a bitter inlaw. You cannot see above your pain.

You didn't see where I said I tried to get close but had to maintain my lane. No. You are still stuck on your SIL.

You didn't see the part where I said my sister has great inlaws. You can hardly differentiate btw we and them. No. You are still stuck on your SIL.

Contrary to your hasty conclusion, I even ask my husband if he has sent his mum money, especially as his dad is late and he is first son. Despite what she has done to me, I'm not a troublemaker. Soon they will realize that.

Godoverevery:
The best way to live in peace with al these factors is by treating both inlaws equally for me.QED

Ok

You are speaking from the point of view of a bitter inlaw, so I understand. You won't be able to see from other perspectives because of your emotions.

We are speaking from different POVs.

Klass99:
Why do we (women) even allow ourselves get into certain situations? What are you doing with 5 children, knowing you have very little to no support domestically? The wear and tear on your body nko, from carrying 5 pregnancies over time? Don't some women care about their physical health? About looking good and feeling good just for themselves?

My top performing classmate who graduated with a 2:1 in Accounting ended up in a similar situation. Five children later and she is divorced today, she never put that 2:1 degree to good use either, her story broke my heart.

There was a front page story where a male user said - the truth most of us don't know and men won't voice out is that, wives become unattractive to their husbands after child birth, because of the changes in their bodies. Hence the reason they look for younger women, with firmer bodies and tighter pussies, to sleep with.

The guy's post had 367 likes at the time I saw the thread/his post, I can bet you it wasn't women liking his post but his fellow men. Which means they all agreed with his view, I wasn't even put off or offended by his comment because it was a realistic, matter of fact submission. But, what I thought was - if men feel this way then why are women putting themselves through the stressful wear and tear of multiple child births? It's not like the more kids you have, the better or stronger the bond between you and hubby, sef.

These men will flee for a firmer body, forgetting it is because of their children your body has sagged in different places. Hubby hadn't even touched my classmate in 2 years at the time I was hearing her story. Me, I will just quench because touching, holding and cuddling is one of my love languages.

We need to do better for ourselves and by ourselves as women, when it comes to a lot of things.

The bolded is just painful and annoying.

My former colleague at work was the 10th child out of 11 children. The 11th child was finally the boy the mother was looking for even after her husbandhad told her to stop. Some women put themselves through it.

It's important not to marry a slave driver; a man that sees getting a help as lazy. They expect you to lose yourself doing everything yourself and even keeping a job. In the end, the woman feels the loss and the effect on her body.

And inlaw of mine was really ill during the lockdown. She had a help at a point but later she didn't anymore. The effect of all.of the stress told on her, and was part of the illness.

When she got well, she told us to try and get help if we can, and not always try to be a superwoman or worry about what people say.

It's best not to have too many kids. That alone can drive someone crazy.

Godoverevery:
It would seem

See let call a spade a spade......stop being economical with the truth.

A good woman who loves her husband would put husband family first before her own likewise the husband doing same.

This problem is always instigated by the woman.....if is her family that is misbehaving if the husband complain the narrate will change to he doesn't like her people but if is the husband family the narrative will be he likes his family more than her......she expects her husband to tolerate her people but can't tolerate his own people.

The right word is " manipulation " I will never tolerate that in my house

You don't know what you would tolerate till you get married.

I didn't know what kind of inlaws I would have till I got married. Me that I'm an orphan, I was glad I was getting a a new mum and siblings. I later had to accept that I'm not a member of the family and maintain my lane.

Meanwhile I have a sister who has the best inlaws. You can't even know between all of us who is her sister and who is her sister inlaw.

This wife-husband-inlaw matter is a robust one, and there are many factors involved: bad wife, bad inlaws(both sides), unsupportive husband, etc.

How to live in peace with all these factors is the main issue.

JONNYSPUTE:
.... True. My wife knows I'm a very mad person who doesn't take rubbish so she gives me my space.

Funny thing was that she and her mum tried so many tricks to cage me when we got married newly but when her mum saw the madness in me,nobody tell am to advice her daughter properly.

In my house,if my wife knows she's gonna go out with me to any function,she gets ready even 30 minutes before me if not,I will leave her and go my way.

Men really need to be men in all things.

You are mean .

My brother used to do this. His wife could waste time soooooo much. When they were dating, my brother would leave and she would be chasing the car. She had to learn.

Godoverevery:
So because she feel my family don't regard or respect her automatically her own should enjoy more benefits than mine

I get your point but am just saying the whatever rule she has for the kitchen must be applicable to both else there will be enemity.

It may not be totally right from her part. But we are human beings. And we will gravitate more towards those who show us love.

And some of us don't know how to do eye-service. I don't know how to pretend that all is well when it's not. Hence, it would seem like they are giving their own family more access.

There should be an understanding. As long as my family can enter the kitchen, my husband's family can too.

However, wives who behave otherwise could be that her inlaws don't regard or respect her as their brother's wife. Meanwhile her own family is known to her. It's not rocket science. We know what animosity from inlaws can do.

Quite difficult to take care of a home alone with 5 kids and not lose yourself. It's a lot of work for one person. Imagine spending almost 2hrs of my life in one day doing homework for one child.

I wonder how the woman in the story was even able to keep a job with 5kids and no help.

Children take a lot of attention because they actually need it. It takes quite a lot to care for them and there's that tendency to focus a lot on them and neglect the husband.

For me, I trained my kids to sleep in their own beds right from birth. That co-sleeping with kids is a romance killer. No more cuddle-sleeping. That is the one I cannot take. So, everybody sleep in your beds abeg.

JONNYSPUTE:
.... The thing is that as long as most women continue seeing their husbands family members that comes around as visitors and not as families,then this kitchen rubbish will never stop.

A wife and the husband is one and it should be so with their respective relatives.

Are you now saying that your own relatives knows how to handle and manage the food items in the kitchen better than your husband's family?

Make Una forget this power tossle about kitchen.

A commenter said here that anytime he visits her elder sister's house and demand fro food,she tells him to go to the kitchen and get food but doesn't do same to her husband's people.

My question is. When has it become a norm that it's only the people from the husband's side that his wife should demand respect from and not from both sides? Note. Inrespect of the kitchen.

Naaa..you don't get it.

I'm the last child. But my older ones cannot come to my house and go to the kitchen to cook or take food without asking me. It's not about husband's family or mine.

Even when I visit my sister and I'm the one who cooks for the house for her, I still ask her to come and dish for me when I want to eat. It's simple courtesy and respect for boundaries.

And I enter her kitchen as much as her husband's family. It's the relationship that matters.

All this is common sense. There's no written rule.

JONNYSPUTE:
....That's why I said that women should be calming down.

Get work and support their husbands so that little things like food won't be a big problem in the house.

I know it's not easy but even while I was growing up,we were taught never to deny a hungry person asses to food provided you have even if it's little.

Nne, believe me. Givers never lack

Not entering the kitchen is not the same as denying a person food. You don't have to go to the kitchen for you to eat. They are two different things.

When people visit you, do they have to cook themselves before they eat?

Even if both are working doesn't mean things should be wasted or that anyone should just go into the kitchen indiscriminately. If everyone who comes to visit goes to the kitchen on their own to cook, you'll come back one day and there's nothing to eat.

I'm very free with food. People visit and eat and take away. I send soups to my husband's friends/family. It's not the same as having to enter the kitchen to cook the food without asking.

JONNYSPUTE:
..,..I got it. Thanks. But make Una dey calm down.

Kitchen is not enough to break a home.Biko nu.

Sometimes that kitchen can be an issue. It's not about having power over the kitchen. It's about managing the foodstuff. People that don't have an idea how the things were bought tend to use it anyhow without thinking of others.

My brother's wife is close to us. But when we don't go into the kitchen to cook if she doesn't give us the go ahead. It's not our house. We respect the woman of the house.

JONNYSPUTE:
.....But most of you women always make it look as if there's competition and ask why?

It could be different reasons:

Some ladies came from a family where their father's families made life difficult for their mothers.

Some husband's family actually try to make his wife uncomfortable in her home, especially in a case where the husband does not speak up for his wife.

Personally, I don't have such issues. There have been cases but generally, everyone maintains their lanes.

Kobojunkie:
1. Why not? Is madam's widowed mother an slowpoke or something?

2. Wrong! The reason madam does not what to take issue up with her issue is because she is not an equal partner in her marriage. From the story told, the home belongs to her husband and not the father. A point you made clear in your previous comment too.

3. Again, the maid here is not a child, or we would be crying rape here instead. The nanny and the father-in-law are both consenting adults in this and even if he had only come to visit from the village, the same stands.

4. That they haven't is probably because they feel they are still welcome right where they are now. If the madam and her husband said no, I see no reason for them to continue living there.

5. It is OK to see things from a different angle but try to be sensibly as well about them.

I have come to realize that the way most people reason on Nairaland is different from the real world. Here is fantasy and wishful reasoning.

Also realize that people boldly draw conclusions on issues they lack knowledge about (at the bolded).

So when I see arguments like this, the light bulb comes on.

jornwhite:
Their is no room for 1st, both wife & my blood are FAMILY, they play different roles so their is no room for comparism, there are things my wife can do for me wey family no fit do lailai and there are things my family fit do for me wey no wife fit do, So a man as to use his brain everytime and not reason with is preek.
Why is it only husband people that are always the problem, i have never read anywhere about wife sibling complaining about one husband forming man of the house.

There shouldn't be any competition. Everyone has their place.

tollyboy5:
The things you stated is well understood but mere philosophy of culture not how it was from beginning.
The husband and wife need to be very close due to what brought them together (love) and they'll live their entire life together.
But for brothers and sisters they grew up living together without their personal preference .
A man needs to care for his wife and family more doesn't change the fact that there are some family where the bond BT siblings will hardly be melted Down.
Some sons so respect their mother and its hard for you to tell me the wife love is superior to the mothers love.
I feel we should forget about this superior stuff and live life simple.
There many family where the wife will feel helpless also when trouble comes and the brothers will rise to help their brother's family.
I don't believe anyone has superior right of power, but I know responsibility and caring differs for everyone.
Respect and Love is what is important.
Many wife has left their husband after swearing oat. But your brother remains your brother till death. I've seen a lot of old men make peace with siblings at old age and they all come as family.

We are talking practically, not what has been in the beginning. Sibling/family bond can't be broken. But my husband comes first, and I also come first before anyone.

A mother's love is priceless. But if it were enough, we would all stay and marry our mums. Yet, we leave to be joined to another.

When you see siblings causing problems in their brother's house and with his wife, most times it's because they are not financially settled. But when everyone is ok, they also focus on their homes.

tollyboy5:
Siblings don't rank higher but wife is not blood. Let's face reality, wife might change but blood remains blood forever.
Blood don't need to make better for worst oath . we all know blood naturally comes with love

Wife is joined to her husband and they become one. Siblings are not joined together to becomeone. Many siblings/family betray each other even though they are blood. That's even worse.

When a man is married, his wife becomes his first priority over his siblings. She had more rights in the house than his family.

greenie77:
Your brother's house is equally his wife's home. Just as your father's siblings had to respect boundaries (believing they did) when he started his own nuclear family, so should you.

When it comes to your brother's house, his nuclear family (wife and kids) rank up before you.

Some boys on this forum won't like this your comment. Remember they don't see a wife as blood. Hence, their siblings rank higher.

Kobojunkie:
1. That problem is between madam and her own husband and not her former nanny.

2. It wasn't like Papa had a wife when he slept with the maid and it wasn't like the maid was an indentured servant, property of her then madam that she somehow needed permission to sleep with the old man. They are both grown adults and made their choice as adults do.

3. Ofcourse madam is crazy for going after her ex-nanny. She ought instead to take issue up with her husband but my guess is that madam does not have equal say in her relationship and this a mistake on madam's part.

So it would be ok if Madam's widowed mother living with her got pregnant for the security guy or cook. As long as she doesn't have a husband, she's cool.

Madam can't take the issue up with her husband because her husband and the whole family have already given their father a pat on the back. I mean, it's his house. Do they want to be kicked out?

Imagine it was a father that came from the village and impregnated the maid. The story would have been different.

I don't really think that there's much wrong with the nanny and FIL finding love in each other. They should have gone about it more graciously. And at least, moved into another of his houses with his new wife.

I like to see things from different angles.

Acidosis:



I'm sure I'll find some loopholes in the story

Because you will look for them

You are the one drowning yourself. You're regretting getting married early, when no one said you must be doling out children you cannot care for. There are people that earn 500k monthly and have only 2 children. But here you are with 30k and 3 children with one on the way. Or is it not the same sex you are having?

Whatever situation you have found yourself in, you put yourself there. So stop complaining and figure out how to make things better.

Do you mean 10k pounds? That man has no regard for his family.

Unresolved issues
Feeling that you own your wife
Pride
Anger
Etc.

You need to deal with what makes you act the way you do. Because can't just beat your wife for no reason. There's a reason.

bezimo:
That's not always the case.A bad woman don't need any ill treatment to screw things up..
If she has bad friends, she will mess up
If her family or mom is controlling her, she will mess up.
If she is a pretender,when she comes abroad she will manifest her true evil character and deal with the man after taking advantage of the system that favours women

I won't pretend like there are not men that are abusive to their wives abroad..which the system doesn't really tolerate..but that is not always the case. I know a case where the wife lied to the police that the husband was abusive so they could boot him out of the house but oga was smarter and had secret camera which revealed the truth..

Right! Some women actually have their agenda when they are going there. Or they get influenced easily by family or friends.

But a lot of times, these people don't tell us the whole story. They only say the part that puts them as the victim.

slimjohn2k5:
I was listening to the radio and the discussion is on this.

Story1: naija man in US had argument with the wife n she called police that he wants to kill her. Police came, arrested him n after releasing him, asked him to stay away from his wife for 30days. He was staying with his guy, but on the 25th day, the wife called and begged him to return home that she have realized her mistakes. He went and they were discussing when police knocked at the door, she asked him to go n hide in the room. Police asked the wife if he has come home, she said no and the police requested a search, he was found in the toilet. You know the rest of the story

Story2
Oga took his wife to US for holiday and she absconded because she do not want to return to Naija

Story3
A man took his wife to the UK, the wife framed him up, he was arrested. Then the wife filed for asylum, reason that if she return to Nigeria, her inlaws will kill her. Luckily for the man the police knew her plans and sent them both to Nigeria. The man then divorced her

Other stories like men doing house chores etc

With all these stories, a matured mind is needed to confirm and advise

They always forget to add what they did to the wives to make them turn out that way. How have they treated their wives so far?

Vision101:
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@me
Big gbam....
Where have you been? I have not read your comments for awhile. I have no way to ask after your well being. I thought maybe oga has done the good work again. Welcome

Lol, he has

Biglittlelois:
Another person that sees my point of view, finally......

Guys on this forum always waiting to judge women with tougher standards. No one sees what the old man did as questionable. He's given a free pass but the woman should be put on a stake to die for all they care.

Bottom line...marry a good woman. Two wives with issues will quicken his death.

My father's very close friend and colleague for donkey years confided in my dad that the greatest mistake he ever made was marrying two wives. They all lived in the same house peacefully, but he still regretted it for whatever reason.

No one does charity works privately anymore. The whole world must know. Or is our reward no longer in heaven?

Odingo1:
How can a married woman bring in a 32 years old unmarried maid into her matrimonial home. Two matured women in a house of a man. The maid Will be foolish if she didn’t grab the opportunity to climb to success.

What does she expect.

The maid woman don’t have ambitions in life abi. She get served by her laziness to take care of her home.

There's nothing wrong with the age or being unmarried. What if she was 17, 18, 20,...? It's not a license or justification to sleep with anyone in the house.

What if the maid was married and she still slept with the FIL? Your reasoning is flawed.

I guess you are one of those who see people having maids as lazy. The woman has a business, has children and lives in a duplex. Can you yourself manage a business, children and still clean up a whole duplex? When you want to shame someone, stop and think first.