₦airaland Forum

Chapii:
I have never been harassed by SARS and no matter how bad they are, they are still instrumental in fighting crime. I have lost money to Agbero and LASTMA. When you guys are ready to protest against that call me. Not SARS

Put yourself in others shoes and stop being self centred. You should know that there are families who have lost their children, brothers, etc to SARS.

But here you are not seeing beyond your nose. That they have not harassed YOU means they are not that bad. If they had killed one of your family members, you would have been more empathetic to other's pain. You sound so selfish and conceited.

Chapii:
I am not and can never be a Fan of Tinubu, Lai or Buhari and I agree largely with the report of the Panel but the entire reportage is not balanced.

The government of the day - LASG and FG (IG of Police) did not manage the entire EndSars protest professionally. The brute force that was used to disperse the protest at Lekki toll gate was the only option left for the Government at that point in time and these are my reasons.
1. Why is nobody reporting that the government allowed the protest to last for over 2 weeks in lagos, Abuja and several other cities meaning that the govt. recognizes the right to protest.
2. Why is nobody talking about how the protest at the toll gate gave birth to many other protest sites in several parts of lagos and was making normal life unbearable for other citizens due to road blocks and all.
3. Why is nobody talking about how the protest have degenerated into a crisis situation with prison break, burning of Police stations, killing of police men, looting and destruction etc. As at 7pm of 20.10.20, over 30 police stations in Lagos was on fire and several policemen killed.
Last but not the least, the people that were at the lekki toll gate protest venue at the time of arrival of the military cannot be said to be law abiding. They were defying a government imposed curfew which is to take effect by 4pm that day.
Citizens have all right to protest but the government should also has a job to manage the overall security situation in the communities. My 2 cents

So managing security means shooting unarmed citizens? From your comment, the punishment for defying a govt imposed curfew is death. How does that even sound to you?

Angeldemon:
Anniversary doesnt mean youre still not irresponsible. Is it not everyday here we see news of married people acting foolish.
That advise you gave you should use for yourself because you need it more seeing your outlook to life and your emphasis on "suffering".
It shows you were raised in poverty thats why you're constantly so afraid of going back to it that even issues that aren't about suffering you make them about it

Your hasty conclusions shows one thing...but I won't mention it. You can stay there and keep assuming and thinking your situation and mine are the same, that's your own kettle of fish.

Get married and get your own experience. All this hypothetical reasoning and ITK on what you haven't even entered is not going to help you.

One more thing...I wish you foolishness and irresponsibility in your marriage .

It is either he's greedy or someone is advising him wrongly. Whatever the case, it's a wrong move by the guy and a big red flag.

Angeldemon:
Since you know i was raise in a responsible home so its obvious id make a responsible man.
but for you clearly identifying as an irresponsible slay queen its clear you will make life difficult for any man that makes mistake to be with you.
better dont raise your child with that irresponsible mindset. This world already has enough uselessly behaved women

Sorry to burst your bubble, but that "irresponsible slay queen" has her wedding anniversary today.

...and my children have a better mindset than you love. They won't be simple and small minded in their thinking. They will think big and enjoy the abundance of God, while you are there thinking of how to frustrate life for one innocent woman who will key into your small mindedness.

But it's ok. You will always be what you think and believe. You can't grow bigger than what you proclaim.

Take care and try to expand your mind. Life is a lot more than your environment.

Angeldemon:
The ones that have happy marriages are not slaves they're just responsible and thats why they're happier than you so-called woke babes because you cant cheat nature.
If you were raised in a responsible home it wont be alien to you so its not your fault it is.
Today learn that it isnt slavery when it comes to taking care of your family. They are your responsibility.

You that you were raised in a responsible home where women are slaves (since that's your idea of responsible home), please marry your own and make life difficult for her. Don't try to simplify anything o.

kazyhm:
The only disability in life is bad character, bad attitude ruined that marriage.


On that thread one lady even said washing machine is not luxury....and I was like ?


I think to a very large extend men are the problem, we put women on the pedestal too much......making thing easy for them.


My colleague wife said something one day and since then, I always gist my wife about the stress at my work place.

Their child was sick and was admitted at the hospital, the mother (my colleague's wife) was by his sick bed taking care of him while the husband my colleagues sleeps in his car at the hospital. They were at the hospital for two weeks.

I drove my wife to the hospital for check up, i was bored waiting in the car and decided to stroll around, then i ran into the guy (my colleague) looking somehow rough and I asked him what up with him, he narrated his ordeal and that he was heading to the pharmacy to buy the newly prescribed drugs, I followed him to the pharmacy and then to the children ward. I met the wife trying to feed the boy and greeted her and was trying to commend both of them......then the wife said something that struck me; she said he (her husband) does not know how it feel to take care of a sick baby and sleeping in the ward for days, shebi all he does is to bring the money

I was like without the money, would you be here in the first place ? And who is sacrificing more, he has been sleeping in the car, running around to buy this and that, and you think you love the baby more than him ?

Well, they were discharged from the hospital and me and my wife went to their apartment to check on them, while we were charting outside, I noticed his front bumper was painted and I asked him what happened, he said that night they were rushing the child to the hospital, he hit a car ahead of them, the driver of the vehicle came down and was shouting but when he came down, begged the man and explained why he drove so reckless was because his child is dieing in the car and he was rushing him to the teaching hospital. He said the driver peeped into their car, saw his wife and the sick boy in the front seat and let them go.

I think its high time men start telling their own story as well.

It not easy to be a man!

Your friend and his wife have to work at being one. They need to work in unity. Their separate roles should compliment each other. The fact that she's the one staying with the child doesn't make her more of a parent. And it is wrong of her to make such a statement to a third party.

Also, mothers need to also make sure they let the children know about their father's imput, instead of making them believe it's mummy that does everything. If I'm buying something, I always let my daughter know that it's her daddy that got it for her or mummy and daddy.

May God help us all.

MNDY:
It's not about winning argument and thanks for insulting me as a mad man without proper reasoning. You sound educated but still don't know that a female's consent is so powerful than the man's role in issues of cheating, unwanted pregnancy, paternity fraud etc and makes men/women rightly blame your gender.

Even in cheating that men are partially blamed, do you know that it can be curbed if we all condemn it vehemently, but your gender only knows how to defend your gender as you are doing, maybe because you see no big deal in it and can do it.

Haba! Why would I call you a mad man.

In case you have not noticed, I'm not defending any of them. I'm saying both are equally liable if anything happens. Even if one is leading on, the other has a chance to refuse. If you consent without force, you are a willing party.

Klass99:
Your entire post made me smile, especially the bolded and last paragraph.

Buka once said their mindsets are transcending into wizardry Lol I think she was right!

I agree. It's their hatred and prejudice towards women that plays out.

Munzy14:
Indomie generation mothers will always think everyone resides in lagos and must face lagos traffic and wahala..That is a dumb way of thinking..

Same reality you are facing now, and lamenting, some mothers are doing it and smiling genuinely..

If you feel marriage is a burden you quit.

Look around, ask those ahead of you in the parenting world, how they navigated the burden...You sound too proud..

Pride goes before a fall...They said if you bend down you will see ABA..

Put down your shoulder, look around and ask....Any where or position you are now, someone passed through there..Not just someone, a mother.

Ndi woke happening mothers.

You just shot yourself in the foot. Don't you think it is a dumb way of thinking for you to compare someone staying in Lagos, dealing with the peculiarities of Lagos issues with someone staying in a less stressful city? No, you were not thinking.

You are obviously talking hypothetically as a single person. Because you don't sound like you have knowledge of what you speak of. But if you are married, my good wishes to your wife.

You can do your wife as you wish. Let her have 7 children and work full time with no one to help. Let me enjoy my marriage the way it is.

fxexperts:
Please don't use this fish brain to marry somebody son. you are obviously a kid who knows nothing about married, but be ranting up and down like a deranged dog.

E pain am

Angeldemon:
You girls are just lazy nowadays. All the grammar in the world wont change that.
why you dont meet men with such mindset in real life is because men nowadays have decided not to tell you babaes anything. They just observe if youre one of these modern mindset kind of girls and decide your not for loongterm plans.
Thats why theres an all time high number of single women aging. It has nothing to do with you ladies being wiser. If anything its the foolishness of modern girls that is keeping men away from you all and causing divorces because all the things men used to ignore, and pity you ladies over, they now refuse to ignore it since you girls have decided to become worse.

Guy marry your own and make her a slave. Let her birth 6 children for you, keep a full time job with no help.

Klass99:
Lol . Very intelligent, realistic and valid submission Ima.

I already told one other guy on this thread how on nairaland their mothers are always an exception or a super woman who did it all and did it well.

Like, who do they think they are fooling with these narratives? Is it not the same mothers of the older generation we also have? Mothers who got a lot of help from their relatives/extended family, which allowed them to work or do business, and helped them to manage the home front without drowning in responsibilities.

I am sure a lot of households had one or two aunties (usually the mother or father's sisters) living there and helping out, but when they come online it is always.....our mothers did it all!. I just taya o.

But, I admire your energy in engaging with certain mindsets here. You dey try abeg

Their mothers were superwomen who could be in several locations at the same time. They were omnipresent

That is the scope they will use for the women they want to suffer with them. Their mothers did it.

Babe sometimes I have their time, plus the mindset is so mind boggling. Funny thing is that I have not met such people in the real world. They must be living under rocks.

Lush100:
Madam,
1, I never saw ur working in the island as a problem
2. You having a partner that didn't see it as a problem is all that matters.
3. It is where u are having problems in your family/marriage bcoz u work on the island that is the issue.
If u and ur hobby is cool with it, what do we want to complain about.
If ur hobby is working in borno for example and u see it as a problem, aren't u going to discuss it with him.
Aren't u going to find ways that u guys to solve the problem.
His mother probably quit the island job and took a mainland job with peace of mind and focused on her family.

Who is complaining?

Someone is trying to compare olden days Nigeria with present day Nigeria as if they can be compared. And also trying to demonize someone needing help.

Most of you guys that always have the solution to all martial issues are either single or inconsiderate. Which one are you?

Farfalla:
I don't think she was complaining about taking care of her children. My understanding of her situation is that she felt overwhelmed physically and mentally.

How can she ask for a nanny, you ask? Same way a beautician at her spa wants an assistant. Same way an accountant in a corporate firm may wish to have an Accounts Assistant. Same way the Senior Librarian in an establishment wants an Assistant Librarian. Same way a Head Chef of a restaurant needs a Sous Chef. Same way a Farm Manager needs an assistant. Same way the Audit Manager requires an Audit Associate. Same way there is an Assistant Coach in a football club that already has a Coach. I could go on and on.

You're wondering why she needs a washing machine? Is a washing machine a luxury in Nigeria? Hehehe...
This is the part where I just laugh.

If you have an option of making your work lighter (even where you work), won't you prefer it? Wouldn't you prefer a software or a template that saves you time and energy at your place of work? Or in school if you're a student? Or let's assume you run a business of churning butter from milk, won't you prefer a churning machine as opposed to doing it the draconian way? Why are washing machines demonized in Nigeria anyway? This isn't the first time I've come across a moniker wailing about women who have washing machines in their homes. What's the story behind it?

If there's an option you can take to simplify your life by all means negotiate for it if it's causing no harm to any party. If you're not breaking the laws of God, nor of man. You're not causing emotional stress to anybody. You're not doing anything immoral. You just want something that can make your life simpler? Why not take it? It's just a washing machine (which she even purchased for herself). It's not that serious.

Burnout can happen to anybody, including you.

You are talking to men who believe that being a wife means sitting down for hours and using your hands to wash clothes, using grinding stone or mortar to grind pepper instead of an electric blender, using firewood instead of a gas cooker.

Their mothers did it and their grandmothers. So why shouldn't we?

It's the mindset of many men on this forum. Many of them cannot accept easy lives for women. But the truth is that, most of the ones who think this way are not married yet or they cannot afford those things, so they demonize it.

Lush100:
Must you work on the island.

You think when u marry, u will not sit down with ur hobby and discuss the most viable working option for yourselves.
U just carry ur bag and go to island.

No na, even if u were working on the island b4 marrage u guys must have discussed about how feasible ur job is while in marriage and make provision to make something to work out even if the pay might be lesser or get a house closer by.
This ur question is not for robots,
Its human being.
It's not 4 plus 4 just because u want to arrive at 8.

Oga I work in VI and live on the mainland. I have two kids, so I am not speaking hypothetically like most people here do. I am talking of real life situation in Lagos in 2021.

Most job opportunities are on the island. And I have been working since I left high school. It's not easy for someone like that to just quit. I married someone who didn't see it as a problem like most of you guys on this forum.

The question was not for you but you jumped in. It's for the person whose mother did it. If he can help me explain instead of using his mother's situation of the 80s to now.

fxexperts:
Then you should have stayed away from marriage, since you are overwhelmed by it. Why coming into marriage to cause nuisance?

Please don't use this coconut head to marry somebody's daughter o. Because this kind of head is incapable of reasoning properly, if this is what you can come up with.

Munzy14:
No work you mentioned there, that has not been in existence even during the time of our mothers.

When people want to complain or become something else, they prepare their excuse to dish out..

The earlier we ask our parents how they harnessed their marriage, the earlier we start getting solution to most burdens...Otherwise na steady lamentations here and there.

My mom was telling us how she uses her break time in office to visit our primary schools then, to watch us learn..Get familiar with our teachers and still made it to her work..Did school run as well..Still coordinated her side hustle business she established at home....super woman.

Yes my father played his own part nicely..Two will work well if they both agree..And appreciate each other, and not one partner feeling she is doing the most..

Our indomie generation mothers be feeling like they have worked extra like a Herculean task...You people should go and interview the jet age mothers..we are not even talking about the iron and stone age mothers sef.py0nckup

Our mothers and grandmother did it gang

You have still not answered the question. Just give an insight to how a woman with a full time job should do it without any single help whatsoever. She's working on the island and lives on the mainland. And the children school on the mainland. Don't beat about the bush. Just explain.

Your mum went on her lunch break to watch you guys. Ok. So how do I go from VI to surulere or gbagada during my lunch break.

Your mum was probably working next door and didn't face this Lagos traffic. But you want to use her situation to judge today's situation. You don't sound very smart.

It's obvious you don't live in the real world. In your head, you are naively describing an ideal situation. Open your eyes and look around you! You are not in the 80s man.

Munzy14:
Hmmmmm...Smh

But most of us have comfortably employed mothers who still took care of the kids even more than 5kids and bigger home.

Something is totally wrong with this our generation of mothers and fathers...Smh..My mother created time to teach her kids then, same with my Dad.

How do you complain a mother spent 2hrs teaching her own kid, isn't that something she will enjoy later in life? . A little secret is, women enjoy most in marriage...The early sacrifice and stress on them, pay off later in life for them.

We all must go back to our parents and ask them how they did it..If not divorce cases will be on the high.

Marriage is a place of lifetime sacrifice..Anyone who isn't willing, should stay away from marriage.

Please explain how a banker, regular office staff that works from 8-6 will birth 5 children and take care of them from infancy till adulthood alone while maintaining the job.

After maternity leave, does she take the babies to work? If she takes the baby to the creche, who picks the baby up? Or will she leave the baby in the creche till 8pm or 10pm when she gets back?

When they are in school, who picks them up and stays with them till mummy gets back? You can stay there and dish out judgement because you are a man.

You are assuming that all wives are teachers, tailors, civil servants like our mothers were.

I was the one who sat for two hours helping my daughter with her homework and I was exhausted. Is it a thing of joy to do homework with your child? Yes. Is it normal to be tired sometimes? Yes.

If you want to go back to the olden days, please do. But leave some of us who have faced the reality that we are in different times with different variables.

Hathor5:
There is something called confirmation bias meaning that we get to see what we believe.

Yep. It makes people set in their ways, and they refuse their views being challenged. They believe what they believe.

Hathor5:
Who is they? The people who say marriage is not important are probably not the same people who talk down on unmarried people so I see no hypocrisy here.

Whether she is getting married in her 30s or 20s people will congratulate her because under normal circumstances an upcoming wedding is a happy occasion. It means that someone has found love which is wonderful, isn't it?

Personally, I believe that Nigerians 'hype' marriage too much but I agree that being married to the right person can be a beautiful experience.

Very apt.

And people will view marriage differently. Some will see it as stress, some as an achievement, some as satisfaction, etc.

There are pessimist that will see only the stressful parts and fail to see the joy and fulfillment it gives.

As you said marrying the right person makes it all better.

MNDY:
Sorry, they can't be blamed equally. And your line admitting that the #Initiator initiating doesn't mean the #Allower has to Allow it, agrees with that and ends the argument.

Two things.

1. It seems you are someone who likes to win arguments, even though it's without proper reasoning.

2. You enjoy playing the blame game instead of taking responsibility.

It's fine if that's what gives you a good night sleep.

MNDY:
To initiate a thing cannot be blamed as much as allowing the thing, because initiating it and the thing itself all become useless if it is not allowed. So who holds more power? ~ The Initiator or the Allower?

Both.

Both allower and initiator have equal blame as long as they are adults. The initiator initiating doesn't mean the allower has to allow it. He has a chance to refuse except it is also something he/she wants.

MNDY:
This is one of the many situations people blame you females for, as in unwanted pregnancy, paternity fraud etc too. Can't she tell him to stop coming? Women hold more power than a man to let a lot of things happen and not happen.

Who are the people? Males?

Both of them are equally liable. Don't give one a free pass and hang one on a stake.

MPESA:
Honestly my replied to you was because of the blame game you started but if am to be honest with you both of them are decieving themselves because no matter the kind of close relationship that might exists between them immediately one party is married there should immediate boundary between them.

It's just common sense for them to keep a safe distance now before we hear that 'Okon is a boy'.

MPESA:
Did you read it upside down, the said guy want to limit his coming but your gender no gree , na your gender dey para say why ....
P.s
The lady should respect her vow...

Did she tie a rope to his neck to her house? If he wants to stop, he should stop. But no, your gender likes to play the blame game. Na she cause am. The guy should respect her status and keep his distance.

Especially with this remote working. Since you working from home, you can as well work 247

Godoverevery:
See which ever way you decide to see it i don't care......you can decide to be naive about the fact MOST women don’t always want their husband relate around.

Wen brother case happened and my mum wanted to react I told her to her face she also guilty of this so she has no right to complain.

Don't we have some women say they wish there mother inlaw isnt alive when they marry??

IN 2021 someone is still fighting over kitchen usage......how shallow.

If you didn't understand what I wrote up there, it's over.

17-18 after secondary school. Aso oke shop; small change for me pocket.

Yawns

I can just replace men for women and women for men in your write up, and then we have it the other way round, which can also be said to be the reason women cheat is because their men cheated.

But it would still be an excuse.

Bombastically00:
My Dad once took me to one of his land, The building is almost completed, I was so happy then my daddy scolded me not to tell my mum cuz he wanted to finish it before telling my mum....Me getting home , momma asked me where the both of us went to, I had to gist her about the house, i told her not to tell my dad...she was smiling and I was happy not knowing its going to cause wahala inside the house...Throughout that week na family members dey show for our house...even tenant know say my papa get house....

Fact is that : I no trust my Mama not to talk of Wife

You don't trust your mum or wife, but you trust yourself. You that cannot keep a secret as serious as that. Well done o.

Doesn't he have his own house or other things to keep him busy that he always has to be in her house.

He needs to keep his distance now that she's married to avoid "mistake". The fact that nothing happened when she was single does not mean it can't happen now that she's married.