₦airaland Forum

Marriage is not a competition between both sexes or a battle for authority. Couples are supposed to walk together to make life easier and more bearable for each other.

I don't understand all these men that try to absorb themselves of responsibilities by giving it several names and theories, and shifting them to their wives.

I spent the weekend at a relative's place. She is the busier one as per banker. Her husband is so hands on. He can just enter the bathroom and see soaked clothes and wash them, cook, iron, etc. They have a househelp and children. But he'll tell you that it is his house and his responsibility.

The wife on the other hand, hardly raises a finger to do a single thing. Remain small sef, they will spoon-fed her . He will yab her from today till tomorrow and they'll laugh over it. They understand each other.

OP it's their marriage. Let them run it as it suits them. When you get married, you will understand better.

Acidosis:
So 3 months after delivery, you would allow your wife do hard labour? If she cleans the house and makes complex meals under intense heat in the kitchen, you would sit your fat arse down to eat? All within 3 months of delivery? Omo. You no get conscience. You want to kill somebody's daughter just cos she got married to you. If we probe further now, your monthly salary may barely be able to afford a good chef yet you want the mother of your child to do 10 people's job 3 months after delivery.

Some of you need to unlearn this act of wickedness you learned from your grandparents. If the wicked government is sensible enough to grant 3 months of paid leave to nursing mothers, why can't you oga?? Someone you're supposed to pamper for like 6 months..! Even if you're the crowned Prince of patriarchy, you should know that your newborn deserves all the attention.

I doubt the poster has even married, not to talk of had a child.

A sensible man cannot see his wife go through those months of changes and the pain of delivery and not be empathetic. Doing chores would not be a point of discussion.

Hyerin:
Men are still stuck in the stone age. They've refused to grow and learn and actually adapt to changes that's why they keep on romanticizing and reminiscing about the past because then, misogyny was the state of things. Women suffered in silence and accepted their lot in life while they enjoyed the deification that came with simply possessing a phallus. Now that those days are largely gone and won't ever come back, they've embraced being perpetually stagnated and angry at the world now that their characters and behaviours are questioned thus, highlighting their inadequacies and deficiencies. They can no longer run under the cloak of "protector and provider" for shield since women work now. They can no longer make it a personality; they now have to actually develop one and this has left them shattered and disillusioned.

It honestly beats me how men's thinking sometimes defies logic yet, they're still afforded the grace of being seen as "logical" even by women. Taking care of a child they helped create is seen as a chore and they feel, they're not as equally responsible. It's asinine the way they treat their seed; a part of them. If they don't want to be responsible for caring for their kids then they should simply not reproduce. A child needs loving and nurturing from both parents and when it's deprived from one side, problems set in. Alot of maladjusted people won't be the way they are if they had loving fatherly figures in their lives. Not one who drops school fees money and feels that's the only requirement needed; the height of parenting. Even when they are actively involved, they think it's praiseworthy. The barest of minimums.

The "our mothers and grandmothers did it" gang.

Their ego, power and reason for survival all attached to being a boss and lording over their wives. And chores like bathing their own child and doing other things around the house cannot soil that image they have created.

sureboykris:
So they have a name... German Cockroaches... Wow... Maybe I'll try sniper again... Thanks

There's this powder in a green satchet known to be very effective. Just pour it around the house in different corners. You can ask the sellers how it is used.

EraseTheDot:
White soup belongs to Efik/Ibibios, ibos cooked a borrowed version.
Vegetable soups ain't ibo's forte. Oha soup is a watery soup with some sprinkle of scent leaves. Bitter leaf soup is a general delicacy.


-erase the dot

Remove vegetable soup from ibos. It's really not their forte. Oha has oha leaves and pizza leaves. Nice soup.

EraseTheDot:
After i jam one babe from that axis, i threw away all ibo soups. ibo soups are borrowed soups.

-erase the dot

Borrowed? They have bitterleaf soup, oha, ofe Owerri, ofe nsala, etc. I love soups. So I cooked practically all. And I like to learn the soups from an indigene

Cooked all. The ibibio white soup version of ofe nsala. Made Miyan kuka for food and nutrition practical. #cookingisfun

Sonnobax15:
Guy,,3h of back then is more or less equivalent to the 3k of now....But do you know that,woman wey don already sabi manoeuvre finish go must still find one way take manoeuvre, arrange something with that 3h?

Enter market with 3k and see for yourself. Ordinary beans that was said to be a poor man's food is now 700 for one derica ( 4 milk ups). Spaghetti that used to be 200, is now 350. Palm oil/vegetable oil have skyrocketed. It's a sad case

siofra:
Now with these 44 points, do you think it's safe to have a male son?

great forum!!

Noooo, it's better to have a male daughter or even a female son.

As long as it's not in the hot sun.

wunmi590:
You are absolutely right, that was why I said it depends on individual body...

My wife was normal delievery and she has little tear, so between 2-6weeks shes up, but I didn't get close to her till after 4month...

4 months...commendable.

MrBrownJay1:
... until she does the mistake of walking by nekkid in front of one of them "guys" and/or become too friendly with one of them, thats when she will see that konji aint got no friends!

Na she sabi. Is that how guys walk around naked in front of each other...colleagues o, not family or close friends.

wunmi590:
It depend on how your wife delivered the baby, if it normal delievery, some women body can still take after like 5-6 weeks, their virgina might have healed up..

While some who delieved through CS might have to endure some pain till like 2-4month, it actually depends on individual body...

Despite the fact that my wife delivered normal, I still wait more than 4month self, by that time nah more money I dey use my head to calculate

Haaa..CS is also 6 weeks o. The time.it takes the cervix to close. By 2-3 weeks, the pain from the stitch is gone and the stitches removed.

For vaginal delivery, what takes more time is if there was a tear. I think that also takes about 6weeks.

4months is long o.

Cc Josephali

LiegeMan:
thanks for the advice,
But Dad joined his ancestors when I was still in elementary school owing to diabetes, Mom single handedly trained me and my siblings through out elementary, and secondary school till the burden became much on her to carry alone, it wasn't their fault in any way.
I've not done any of what I stated.

Accord your wife this same privilege by making excuses for her.

It's also not her fault that you suffered in school.

It's not her fault that your dad passed and your mum was left to bear the burden alone.

It's not her fault that her parents were alive and rich enough to give her a good quality of life.

So, as you are making excuses for your family, do the same for her as she's your family now.

chatinent:
Kai, you no get joy o. Lol.

I'm a joyful child

Easylion3569:
My girlfriend last saw her menstration last month, its been 30 days and 4 day since she last saw it.. So i was wondering why, and i had to visit a chemist who gave me a pregnancy test tools called 'accuracy'..
he told me how to use it, and what the various line display means.
so i called my girl and told her to urinate small on a small cup, followed the instructions and two thick red line showed..
and the chemist said two line is positive..
i'm still schooling i don't kno what to do now.

everything i have worked for, how i have planned my future is now trying to fade away.
i cant even hold my tears

I cook for naming ceremonies and child dedication too

MrBrownJay1:
only woman in the midst of all these h0rny dude....you must be dodging advances and dikc like:

[img]https://c./uevZFxtljmEAAAAC/muhhamad-ali.gif[/img]

Most of those guys see you as their fellow guy.

mariahAngel:
How old is your mum?

At the stage she is in her life, I don't think she should bother herself with however an 85yr old man has chosen to live the rest of his life.
So, she should simply stop stressing herself over the matter and let him do whatever and however he wants.
You and your siblings should just make sure she has all she needs.
Ya lefuru agadi nwoke anya!

Sad and annoying fact is that if the man becomes incapacitated due to illness, etc, it's the wife that is expected to take care of him. The other woman will become history.

The kids are good enough reason to leave an abusive marriage.

pocohantas:
Good question.

Even though my biological mother is just in her early 50s, I owned the EVENING NEWSPAPER tag because it can never be an INSULT to be old (and single). God forbid I spend time and energy proving to anyone that I am young.

Anybody that thinks it is an insult to be old, would/should die before my Nairaland age.

Are you minding those small boys?

No single sense in their brains.

FreeSpirited:
My point is that.. it's enough reason and hypothesis to do further research and establish a fact ...sex in relation to dog eating and proximity to river and sea...as can be seen with the Chinese and calabar and Akwa ibom People in Nigeria

You should know that it's not all of us who eat dog meat. You guys may think we use it to cook our soups and regular soups. No

Dog meat is usually served as a separate meal, like pepper soup, fried peppered dog meat, etc. And they'll tell you it's dog. My mum never ate dog meat, neither did my dad. Only of my siblings enjoys eating it.

So please stop this generalization. A lot of my family and Efik/Ibibio friends don't eat it. It doesn't affect our libido, and we tend to talk freely about sex. Even at our marriages, the man is asked to show his ability, but it has nothing to do with dog meat.

Jochabed:
She no open leg before marriage when she get all the freedom, na after marriage she go just throw caution to the wind? The way some people reason is difficult to comprehend.

It's actually something that happens. Especially going back to that ex she dated for years without sex. Nothing in this life is cast in stone. There's no rule that says people who married as virgins won't cheat or those who married as non virgins will cheat. It's just something guys enjoy fantasizing and debating about.

In truth, when they meet a girl that says no sex before marriage because she's a virgin, most cannot handle it. They pester her till she gives it up to him. Let's say they breakup, she's no longer a virgin.

Many guys condemning non virgins and calling them names will still end up marrying them. Nothing new there. All the talk here is obviously childish talk from children.

TarOrfeeek:
Very expensive procedure to do egg selection and IVF.

It's not everyone who can do it.
And it obviously has its own complications and risk.

But anyways , congratulations to them.

May Nigeria not happen to them, because you can imagine the price of Cellulac and Pampers. Now multiply it by 4.

What kind of shalaye is this nau?

yanabasee2:
Anything can make you a good wife.... Even those qualities listed there can make you a good wife ...

Because those qualities is what men look for... And when they see it and you have good habits and good brain.... You become a wife automatically...


No the give those flat yansh girls hope...

Those men that will still leave the big yansh and boobs and cheat with a woman without any.

Klass99:
Lmao when I saw you engaging I said kai this ImaIma get time and energy sha.

There are certain monikers I don't bother engaging or debating with, because our thought processes are so far apart that to do so will be a frustrating exercise in futility.

On a good day I may read their comments and just pass, but most times I don't bother to read because I already know what to expect.

The moniker has been noted now.

She probably couldn't respond because she realized she has been living with and normalizing toxic behaviour

Klass99:
God bless you for this, I wish I could like your post more than once. Even though I didn't read pass your first sentence Going back to read the whole post when I'm done.

I just don't understand why some people think motherhood is synonymous with "saint", "angel" or "a very good person" who can do no wrong.

Soootey someone is just arguing pointlessly and making excuses for a mother's toxic behaviour. I weak o.

Modified to add: I am done reading and I don't blame your cousin one bit. Cause and effect, provocation and reaction are in play here.

At the bolded, I'm really amazed. Normalizing bad behaviour and arguing it away.

Read novels

Mercychen:
And what makes you think a mother will want to be against her own childs progress.?

To me, it was just an utterance made out of anger. I'm sure by now, the woman would have forgotten she made that statement. While op is still keeping record of it.

Did she apologize or take the statement back after she calmed down? Words are seeds that grow. Some women are not qualified to be mothers. They just think it is by having children. They bring up angry and dysfunctional children because of their own inadequacies that they refuse to correct.

Mercychen:
Exactly my point. She too knows why the mother made that statement.

The mother is not against her progress. She only wished the other Sister got the job because she feels shes more generous than op. But op decided to make it seem like the mother is against her progress. Lol..

It is well.

The fact that you see the bolded as normal is disturbing. It is never right to compare your children or rate one higher...one of the basic rules of parenting. It's a time bomb.

Some mother wonder why their children don't visit them or call. They don't realise the amount of damage they caused to their kids because they think it is normal.

Mercychen:
I don't see any toxicity there. Only a normal daughter and mother who don't seem to agree on petty things situation. Which is common with most mum's.

My own mum will not even touch anything. As in she stopped touching any house work the moment our first born started handling some major chores in the house and when we behind came into the picture.

I remember I joined the cooking train when I was in pry 3. Just nine then and it didn't stop until I left home at 26 after we lost her.

My mom will touch house work? Na Oyinbo she be o. Lol.
The only thing she does is her laundry because she felt we can't do it well. But then we didn't see as a big deal because she has paid her dues by doing for us when we were much younger. So she deserves to be served in turn.

As for verbal abuse, all mothers are guilty. It's not perculiar to her mum alone. Mothers can abuuuuus?? But you learn to brush it off and don't take it personal.

Maybe you don't understand toxicity or you see it as normal and acceptable behaviour, especially because it comes from a mother.

The fact that a woman is a mother doesn't give her a free pass to verbally abuse her children. And No, not all mums are guilty; my mum didn't do it and I don't do it no matter how tempting it is sometimes.

Children also deserve respect even from a very young age. They should not be made to believe that their parents or elders have the right to say bad things to them and they accept it as normal. That's not the way children should be brought up.

Some of us have been living in a toxic environment that we don't even know and have taken it as normal.

Situation of the country made you assault your child. Continue. Tomorrow I wonder who or what you will blame.

I usually ask my husband for a name. For our first, he liked the name I chose and we adopted it. Our second, he gave me 3 names to pick from and I coincidentally picked the one he liked most.

The names parents/family give come after.