₦airaland Forum

If you are doing a white wedding, you will most likely be asked to do court first because most churches certificates are not valid.

Also some that want to travel, relocate, etc will need to present a valid marriage certificate.

Besides when two people decide to get married, it is a big decision. They should go all the way and check all the boxes. After all, remaining single is an option.

MisterRuk:
Disclaimer:
Most of these nairaland redpillers are just pickup artists or frustrated AFCs, always about women and sex. Redpill manosphere is beyond getting laid by the opposite sex, it's also social, political, financial, mental, spiritual. It's about the personal improvement of a man's image of himself and those around him, questioning the regressive rules that govern us and deconstructing the gears of the society and searching for the truth within. Redpillers of the manosphere are like the Neos of the modern day matrix. You cannot grow by busy calling others small and weak if you cannot show them the way.
Apart from the porn industry, what other bodies are so dedicated to meeting the needs of men like that of women?
Very few.
Instead of roasting other betas for their weaknesses, why don't we guys come together and formulate ways to make more money, have financial freedom, get hotter chicks and tackle other issues bothering the masculine society. We are the resistance.

If you're looking for better redpill contents check sites like Illimitable Men or Rebellious Development and some sub reddits on the redpill.
You will mostly find addicted pussey hunters and angry sex starved bros here.

So much sense in one piece.

I am beginning to think that the aim/mission/vision of the red pill is to insult and verbally abuse the guys they tag as "simps" and to spew hate towards those they consider not enlightened.

Nothing they portray is worth emulating for others.

Richy4:
To be honest I have seen a friend that saw someone for the first time and disliked the person... when questioned about why she disliked the person, she couldn't just give one reason.... It could be that the mother in law was not feeling her 'vibe' at all right from the beginning...

I understand your point. But hate is a strong emotion. You can meet someone for the first time and have a bad feeling about the person or just feel strange around the person.

However, to just hate someone for no reason, I don't believe that is possible.

Richy4:
Hmmmm!!!! you mean you have never come across someone that dislikes another person without a reason......?

Well...there might be a flimsy underlying reason that she cannot mention. She might feel like the wife is getting the attention she used to get or that her son is spending on the wife more, etc.

That's why I said she just can't hate for no reason. No one can just wake up and hate another person without reason. Something has to be involved.

When you kids are ready to settle, you will unblock each other.

She can't just decide to hate her for no reason or without provocation.

If it is just because she isn't given the chance to control the home, then she has to try to keep that hatred to herself. Not every wife will sit back and allow their MIL come and run their homes.

Chii59:
Honestly. The wife tried. A pregnant woman cooking for so many people.
And now if she says no, he ought to understand. I remember him replying someone's comment that he can't have a wife and go and employ a caterer whilst his wife is there.
What arrogance!
Seems he prides his reputation above the cordial relationship between him and his wife.
And the wife being unwilling, if all he says is true, of having begged her and stuff points to more nagging issues in their marriage.

Meanwhile in another response, he said his heart beats only for his daughter. Who knows the state of the relationship with his wife.

Chii59:
Don't bother yourself. Op is a stubborn man, and his wife is equally stubborn.
If your woman served them the first time and now says no, and you don't have her mumu button to get her to agree, then their problems goes beyond just cooking.

Exactly what I have been trying to say. There are probably some underlying issues.

Rosebloom:
And if she doesn't get one?

What if you quit your job and go join him in Abuja and you guys break up?

Afam4eva:
While i think people should respect agreements, i also think Agreements can be changed as long as you go through the right channel. If something doesn't seem favourable to one party, it's okay for that person to seek redress.

For peace, and to avoid strive and spite, it is best to stick to the previous agreement. There is a reason couple agree on things in advance so that they are not taken by surprise.

The man should not take advantage of the fact that he is the head of the family to take her for granted. Little things such as this could cause big problems in marriage, just like little hinges swing huge doors.

OkhaiAsein:
When a stream of clean water suddenly turns bad, starts producing dirty and perhaps stinking water, scooping out the bad water will never solve the problem. The solution is to trace the fountain from where the stream runs. Fix the fountain and restore your clean stream again.
But we leave in a generation where people seek for remedies to problems without first finding out the root cause. People want to judge the consequences of an action but nobody cares to discuss the root.
Very often, men are beaten, ridiculed, arrested and even killed for abusing their wives physically. But no one care to know what the wife has done

What if she too starts keeping late nights,

gives you the cold shoulder,

stops cooking for you since you are not eating,

doesn't even act like she is sexually attracted to you anymore

Doesn't act like she notices your absence or miss you.

When people start playing games, they should be ready to follow through.

Afam4eva:
Of all things to disagree about. What exactly is wrong in your opinion of children having an Igbo name as their first name considering that there father is Igbo. if you wanted an Italian name instead, that would have been a different discussion.

I have said it countless times that all my children will have Igbo names both as first and middle names an any woman that doesn't like it and as much as i respect her opinion, that marriage will not happen.

Since they had an agreement previously, it should be respected. He can't just overturn it because he is the head of the house. There's a reason couples discuss potential issues in advance and agree on them before they blow into problems.

Apparently, they are both from different tribes/countries and an English name is the middle ground. And she is not an ordinary baby making machine who doesn't have a say in how the children are named.

Let's stop using "head of houseship" to bully and oppress. Not cool.

RedboneSmith:
These names are as a result of very extensive contact with European traders, from the 16th century on. The European traders had a hard time pronouncing the native names of their Ijaw and Efik trade partners. So they either Europreanised their native names or gave them pure European aliases which stuck. Yellowe for instance was Europeanised from Iyala; Horsfall from Osifolo. Henshaw, Ephraim, Duke, Hogan, Cobham, etc all have native Efik equivalents which I don't remember offhand.

I know a Horsfall from Calabari

SirMichael1:
Over 3 months ago? Heartbreak?

Did she lock my heart, tossed the key into a river and cursed me never to love anymore? My heart beats only for my cute daughter. You should see her. You should try getting one out of wedlock if wedlock doesn't do it for you.

See the person that people are defending.

If a lady had posted this story, many would have asked to hear from the man first before jumping into conclusions.

I asked what he has done in the past to make the wife refuse because a happy wife won't just turn him down.

His love is for others while the wife is for the house to cook. Let the daughter who his heart only beats for, host his friends

ebby9z:
Ojodu Berger ni. Of course what will a female say before

the Ojodu Berger got me

bukatyne:
Toor.

This thread still feels very weird to me.

Because you feel it's mandatory that she hosts her husband's friends even if she doesn't feel up to it.

You didn't agree with my view that's why you didn't respond

josite:
my question is who owns the house or who pays the current rent for the house? .i perceive ur wife either owns the house or pays the current rest and she is findling ways to remind u that u are presently not the husband and should mind urself by not not adding more stress to her stress.u ought to be able to arrange someone close to do the market runs and cook .i wont bother to remind anyone u dont have the money an external person will demand and that is why it must be ur wife cus she knows how to manage u and ur little money.learn some sense.find a low cost mistress who will do more than ur wife will ever and start preparing to build your own house or rent ur house as the way things are going she will soon be totally fed up wit u.guys build ur own house o.

Marriage is not about money or who pays the bills. If it's about that, anyone who has the money at a particular time is free to oppress the other.

What they need is understanding and communication.

You had enough time (almost 2yrs) to plan for this event. You could have paid someone to make the soups knowing the kind of wife you have. Now, last minute, how do we settle this matter?

We don't know if you have done anything previously that is causing this kind of reaction from your wife. We are only relying on what you are telling us.

Anyway, op, just try to manage the situation as best as you can. Try to understand why she is refusing and take a cue from there.

LadyExcellency:
Did you read the part where the husband is offering to call some sisters from the Church to assist her?

My question then becomes, if some sisters from their church can help, why not the wife?

He should know the type of wife he married before coming to complain to us. Is she the accommodating type that wouldn't mind doing this kind of thing.

Some other woman would not flinch and just call some people to help her out. But then again, do we even know what has happened in the past between them to make her refuse? If they have a good relationship, I doubt that she would refuse.

For me, cooking for my husband's friends is even fun. But he won't just drop it on me like it's my cross.

bukatyne:
Whose job is it to host the husband's guests?

Whose job is it to host the wife's guest?

We are not talking of 5 or even 10 people. If the wife hosts them, all well and good. But should it be something added to her list of duties?

Coming to report her here like it's her major duty that she has failed it, is not right . And she did it the first time while pregnant.

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

Yeah it's something that some of us that like to cook and don't mind stress will do without flinching. But not all of us are cut out that way.

But it's actually extra stress to start cooking for and hosting over 20 men. He should understand that and not just try to dump it on her and make it her job

Danzakidakura:
Eat what hungry me, hang out as i want and come back home anytime i want, send enough money to my mum without excuses again. With much more balance remaining.

When you are with the right woman, the balance remaining will even be more.

Under16:
That's the power of Oron oil. When buying palm oil ask for Oron oil...the palm oil is so light red,,shiny red and marvelously good.


Tatashe inside Afang? na so u dey take cook ur own? Try dey buy better palm oil for market.

Oron oil indeed! No palm oil can make afang look that red. It's probably the lighting of your camera or the editing.

I don't think your husband should start what might be hard to keep up with later. The other siblings have to contribute. He should not have to carry it alone. If the 6 others can contribute 500k, it would be lighter for your husband.

N.B
You could have interchange "my mother inlaw" for "she" in you write up

She will surely find out herself. It can't be hidden forever.

Berryli:
Few weeks to my 25th birthday, last year, I ran into my Neighbour and we exchanged numbers, then the chatting began, we became friends and he offered to take me out on my birthday but It didn't happen.

Fast forward to the lockdown, I would go visit him we would chat and he appreciated my company as he was alone. He eventually started to make moves, getting all touchy which got me a little surprised and uncomfortable since as friends that was improper, which got me thinking if he wants more than friendship.

He has a great career, intelligent and all but not my spec, and I'm not attracted to him. We are very different people, socially and even our views about life. I enjoy his company but that's all there is. As a result if I use to visit twice in a week, I reduced it to once in two weeks and eventually monthly, and reduced the chats just to not give him the wrong impression.

He stylishly refer to me in future as his wife. What do I do? Is he starting to have feelings for me and how do I stylishly turn him down since he hasn't asked me out or do i wait for him to do so? cos there are people who just draw close and start dating without d while toasting stuff or is it just his flesh loosing control, which I doubt cos I try to be as decent as possible wen visiting him.

Do I just go with the flow since I'm currently not in a relationship? But won't that be me deceiving him and myself cos I don't like him in that way. or I'm over thinking the whole thing?

There is nothing wrong with a relationship/marriage developing from a friendship. So, if he started catching feelings, it's expected.

But since the issue is that he is not your spec, I suggest you reduce the time spent with him to the minimum to help him.

Though, you are two single people with possibilities, love can blossoms if you let it.

Amotolongbo:
This could be an Arsenal fan o

I guess Chelsea. They are in the ones that carry bad belle up and down for Utd

IFEOLUWAKRIZ:
Unibadan doing what she does best! That's my school. Typing from Katanga Republic, the only living hall!!

Independence (Indy) hall

loneprof:
O por! Mr. Romantic

But remember say if man die for woman, she go remarry ooo

And if the woman dies nko?

Men remarry even faster and more than women.

LadySarah:
A mother needs all the sleep she can get and baby sleeping away will give you eyebags in the morning.

Till I wean you, I'm not leaving the bed except to urinate.

I can't get enough sleep when I cannot toss and turn because my baby is beside me. Or cuddle-sleep because the baby is in the middle.

Her bed was beside me. I would wake up, pick her up and feed her and drop her when done. Parents do what works for them and what they agree. My husband and I already agreed to make her get used to sleeping in her bed right from the hospital.

But some mums make it seem like there's no other way than to have the baby sleep with her.

ezugegere:
I'm sure you're yet to have kids. By the time you start having kids, you will understand better

Not all parents allow it. Mine slept in her bed from day 1 even I was breastfeeding exclusively. She only stayed in my bed when she needed extra attention and after falling asleep, back to her bed.

Under16:
This meal is dedicated to all the women on this thread who love me wholeheartedly including that crazy MOD.


Afang soup+ Obstacles + fufu.


Rate Photography: 1-10

Looks like you put tatashe in that afang. It looks reddish.