₦airaland Forum

Medical vacation, sickness, illness, incapacitated.

It is a matter of semantics.

The bottomline is that Buhari will go to hospital and proctologists will insert a probe in his ass to check the status of his prostate. It is a willful penetration and does not qualify as a rape. If you are over 40, better go and have yours checked.

There you have it.

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Good move.

Tuface should have taken lectures from Fela and Gani on how to be a man and a social crusader.

But wait! It is not too late. He can still get mentoring from Kanu.

Fela, Gani, Kanu are all four letters names. Tuface? I don't know.
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AutoJoshNG:
Volvo promises deathproof cars by 2020

The world of automobiles is just gearing for to the impossible. These white engineers are really pushing themselves beyond the limit and come 2020, we will be witnessing a revolution in the automobile world. But for now, the hot gist around is that Volvo promises death proof cars by 2020. According to them these cars will have the highest security features ever installed in a car such that no one will be killed or seriously injured in a new Volvo car or SUV.

Ultimately, all these new technologies will be tied together to create a car that can, literally, drive itself.

Here’s a look at the features that, when combined together in one vehicle, will essentially make it crash proof.

1.Adaptive Cruise Control: Adaptive cruise control, which is already available on many new cars, uses radar and sometimes other sensors to detect vehicles on the road ahead. You set a maximum speed and your car maintains a safe following distance on its own, operating the gas and the brakes for you. Some systems like this only work at highway cruising speeds, but many can work even in stop-and-go traffic.

2.Auto lane keeping assist: Cameras detect lane lines and road edges, and the car steers itself to stay in its lane.

3.Collision avoidance: Radar, cameras or other sensors detect obstacles ahead and warn the driver. If the driver still doesn’t react, the car can apply the brakes automatically to avoid, or at least reduce, the impact of a crash. In the United States, auto safety regulators have found this technology particularly effective in reducing crashes.

4.Pedestrian detection: Cameras, including ones that can see in the dark, are programmed to detect human forms that might wander into the path of the car. Drivers can be alerted and again, the car can brake automatically.

5.Large animal detection: Hitting a cow is definitely bad for the animal but it’s also very bad for a car’s passengers. Volvo has created a system that can detect when a big animal is walking in front of your car, saving both you and the absent-minded animal.

6.All other existing features including airbags and seat belts would also be improved.

Sadly, it may take sometime before all these features can function in Nigeria. How will lane keep assist even work when our roads and highways are not properly demarcated?

https://autojosh.com/volvo-promises-deathproof-cars-by-2020/

Cc
Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Ishilove
Marpol
Semid4lyfe
Obinoscopy

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Oyibo will always be oyibo.

Meanwhile, Nigerian minister of technology is still figuring out how Nigeria can produce pencil by 2018.

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Aburi001:
"sent straight to jail"? Without police station and court?


Bros, which of the planet are you from?

Any other country will send him to jail for illegal use of siren.
Jail not prison. Big difference. Jail, then bail and then your day in court.
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searchng4love:
Robert kiyosaki is a failure. Quote another person.

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Lol.

True talk.
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Lifestone:
This is heart breaking. RIP
But so long people drive recklessly without caution needless death like this won't reduce. The FRSC who are to keep the road free of reckless driving are busy collecting bribe in the cities leaving most high ways unmanned.
We as a nation must enforce our laws, reckless drivers who causes the death of others should serve jail time to serve as deterrence to other. Civil suits should be filed by the family of the injured/ deceased against the estate of the negligent driver either dead or alive, when people begin to take responsibility for their deeds, then sanity will return to our roads.

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This is not reckless driving.
How many people know how to drive in Nigeria?
Matching on the throttle and holding steering are not the only thing involved in driving.
I have seen people who drove for many years in Nigeria that couldn't pass driving test here even up to the third attempt.
FRSC members are Nigerians too. And one glaring fact is that Nigerians only put value in money. Nothing else matters be it life or death.
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LOL.

There are many people begging for recharge credits or part payment for rent on 1 bedroom apartment whose profiles in fb say they are President/CEO of some group of companies.

I feel sorry for the gullible ones who believe all the crap. Someone in Ilorin will post that he is at JFK airport New York and his friends will be going crazy in envy not knowing that bobo is chilling in Iya Irabo kpomo joint somewhere while enjoying all the drama.

Look at all the Tonto lies. It is an open season out there. Live your fantasy online.

From GleesModel aka Alexreports:

1. Big Church Foundation
2. John Fashanu
3. Some pageant

....there you have it.

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I will really be interested in people that went to Havard and never made it. They are the forgotten ones.

It will be interesting to know how many people on Forbes 100 went to Havard.

People become wealthy and then take a certificate class to append Havard to their resume'. Eg. Jimoh Ibrahim, Peter Obi, etc. Havard didn't make them.
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That is the beauty of democracy -- 1 person, 1 vote.

But when mo.rons outnumber intelligent folks, the society remains stagnant.

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Every profession in the world has its share of experts and quacks. It gets worse with non-scientific professions in which sales pitch matters more than the profession itself and the results cannot be quantified. There are many intelligent and successful lawyers. Conversely, there are many lawyers still under the mango trees. Quacks dread going to court.

Do they still run those evening, weekend or satelite campus law schools in Nigeria?
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Akpevwe9:
While I was browsing the net this evening with my itel S31, came across this and decided to share.
Who speaks the best English in Africa? And the answer is Uganda. According to the world linguistic Agency, Uganda takes the cake for being the best English speaking African Nation.
First off, the idea behind the best English speaking African nation ranking is in no way to slight any nation. Africa is a country of an entirely different culture from the west. So, it is understandable that some African countries are still not fluent in them. As a matter of fact not all the nations of the world fancy the English language.
English language is the global/international language at the moment.
Like we say, anything worth doing is worth doing well. There are 28 English speaking African nations. From these 28, the World Linguistic Agency made a list of those who speak the best of English language in Africa.
Best English Speaking Countries In Africa:

1. Uganda

2. South Africa

3. Nigeria

4. Kenya

5. Zambia

6. Botswana

7. Zimbabwe

8. Malawi

9. Ghana

10. Rwanda

11. Sudan

It is also worthy to mention that as some countries were not colonized by the British, their Lingua franca differs. It will be asking too much to expect fluency from them.

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Which country in Europe speaks the best yoruba?

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sbabs1:
People have been saying Indian and Lebanese companies are never a great place to work and over time I had rebuked such argument because I assumed averagely some workers just want a quick fixes as far as work is concerned. Last Monday Feb 20th, I checked into one of our Branches in Adeola Odeku in Victoria Island Lagos, on my way back and I saw this gathering of young people in a protest mood just in front one of one of the tallest buildings on that street. They all held placards with the inscriptions such as, Say no to Racism, We are Tire of this Discrimination, We want Union, #HRMustGo. As a lover of the HR Profession, the latter attracted me and to satisfy my curiosity
I moved closer to them to ask few questions and from my 30 Minutes interaction with them, I gathered the following about MitsubishiLift Nigeria Limited - the company.
1. MitsubishiLift Nigeria is a Lebanese company where Nigerians don’t go on annual leave or you go and never retirn.
2. Unionism is a total ban and the consequence is termination.
3. Bonds are signed that even at your spare time you cannot do any other work .
4. MitsubishiLift Nigeria claims that Nigerian Laws supports most of their short comings, hence they don’t care.
5. MitsubishiLift Nigeria Limited,don’t pay or remit tax to government despite being deducted from staff salary.They have their way with #LIRS.
6. In MitsubishiLift Nigeria Limited, You can’t go outside the office to eat. Meaning no break time.
7. No medical care provision for staff not even HMO as stated in the NHIS laws.
8. Nigerians are the mouth piece of most unprofessional practices in multinational Companies including Mitsubishi Lift one Man name Chris has sold Nigerians in Nigeria.
9. Racial discrimination is not about majority, it can also be about few powerful privilege ones who has seen the loopholes and again the negligence on the part of government is a major advantage to Multinational, hence they make use of that lapses to enslave people.This is for real in Mitsubishi Lift Nigeria Limited as the management calls the staff Junior gorillas, Monkeys etc.
10. At Mitsubishi, on a monthly basis your salary is deducted without proper explanation.

Dear Nairalanders I take responsibility for this post because i experienced this protest live and below pictures says it all. However, having identified the above, I think there should be some solutions if you work in an environment, where similar culture is in practice. One of the solution is to protest and write to Nigerian Labour Congress or any area branch Trade unions just like this people did last week in Lagos. I think another issue is to shout it out loud on social media so that people know the kind of companies they shouldn’t go to be interviewed when they recruiting. Aside, other organisation shouldn't even patronize the service of vendors who cant treat people well.

In conclusion, You may want to share your opinion if you work or once worked in similar company. Or you have insights on how to solve any of the unprofessional labour practice and let Nairalanders gain insights. Please share your thoughts below.
Cheers

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If they gather and beat the crap out of the Lebanese, what will happen?
To be employed is one thing, but to be abused is another.
Again in your so-called country.

Atleast, if you are going to resign, give one of them a head bump as a parting gift. It is not everything that you wait for the government or Jesus to solve for you.
Alas! You cowards are only keyboard warriors.
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Aminat508:
As part of efforts to add value to the social economic well-being of the people of Osun state, the deputy Speaker house of representatives, Rt. Hon Lasun Yusuff hosted an Empowerment Program for youths and women Irepodun/Olorunda/Orolu/Osogbo.

The empowerment workshop is on processing and marketing of plantain, fish smoking and mushroom. Different set of Items were distributed at the program.

As part of the Empowerment Program the Deputy Speaker will be starting ICT training for youths where each beneficiary will be going home with a laptop computer worth 150 thousand.

In an interview session with Amiloaded correspondent, the Deputy Speaker said the empowerment scheme was designed to alleviate poverty and equip the less privileged to be economically self-reliant.



See Photos below.. ..


Source : http://www.amiloaded.com/2017/02/hon-lasun-yusuf-empowers-youths-and.html

Look at those fish smoking kilns.

Someone who parades himself as a welder got the contract and this is what he came up with.

What is wrong with Nigerians!?
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Where are all the ladies who were tapping into her blessings?

See as you tap curse enter your life.

Blurryface:
But can it withstand the power of an RPG?

2 gallons of fuel and matches will do.

HsLBroker:
Advantages,

Your land is secure, very secure, in terms of the estate we have a global c of o (documentation)
No omo onile problem or wahala, you have no business with omo onile.
Your Land Can't be forcefully taking away from you
social amenities like tared road, pipe borne water, electricity

Disadvantages.
You can't even bury a dog in the estate.
You can't even build a shop or kiosk in front of your house.
You must follow the rules and regulation of the estate, you can't build more than 2 stories, they may give you designs of what to build but for instance if you buy outside an estate, you can decide to build 10 stories as long as you have the money and the land structure make it possible for you to do so, and all the structural and engineering element is available.
If you buy outside and estate, you can turn your structure to anything you want, hotel, school, hospital, bank can even patronize you, you can't do this inside an estate.

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Everything you enumerated in your disadvantages sound like advantages unless you are insinuating that orderliness is bad.

subtlemee:
People advertise all these and are still happily married...

What rocks one's boat may sink others,that's what makes life interesting

All animals are not equal.

The "monitoring spirits" do not waste time on inconsequential people.

NoToPile:
I just had to quote you.

This one is even better at least one can pretend to think they are trying to prevent show of violence from the students.

I was more shocked when people were almost blaming the FG for slamming the fine(which they were aware of the amount ) on mtn when they clearly contravened the agreement they were part of for this same "jobs will be lost if they leave" reason when we all know mtn can't afford to leave Nigeria if they can help it.

The morons believe that MTN and Shoprite are in Nigeria because they love Nigerians. When and if their profits dry up, they will leave without looking back. Yes they provide jobs to Nigerians but they benefit more than Nigerians gain from them which is why they will pay any fine to stay. They are not running charity organisations. I can understand now understand Soyinka when he bemoaned sharing space in this world with all the moronic Nigerians.

mesoprogress:
These people have turned Christianity to something else. Angels would have destroyed earth save for God /Christ who requested they wait for the harvest, when the tare will be separated from the corn.

To be frank most churches springing about are just another business venture.

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No business survives without customers.

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Aisha has been invisible as the First lady lately.
She knows what we don't know.
Buhari may not be coming back afterall.

Buhari might not be sick. He probably ran away from all the wahala in Nigeria. Baba is just chilling in London.
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Read the comments and learn.

The students haven't even started and some cowardly Nigerians are already fidgeting, preaching for peace and talking about job loss.

Those great countries like US, Germany, Britain etc that lousy Nigerians run to had dirty pasts when they had to fight to earn respect.
A German national was just kidnapped in Kaduna. When Germany comes for his rescue, they will not be talking about peace and jobs. That is a serious country.
Nigerians are always thinking with their stomach. Match on them, spit on them, as long as belle dey full no wahala.
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EazyMoh:
Let people like Peter Obi came and say this is also targeted against Ibo traders.

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This is life!

When Boko Haram killed christians, other muslims cheered them on. Now Boko boys are bombing mosques and fellow muslims.
When the Nigerian state targeted Igbo business folks at Ladipo and Alaba, Yoruba people cheered them on. Now Fed. Govt are serving them the same dishes.
When one supports evil against another, it tends to boomerang when least expected. Injustice against one is injustice against all. But not in Nigeria where ethnicism reigns supreme.
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vanbonattel:
It's ironic indeed, the FG now pays jobless people to gather and wail.

So you thought wailing online or offline is free?

I read "The loan was secured by unconditional personal guarantee of the company's director Mrs Odua ...".

Oh well.

Horus:
Africa need solar energy entrepreneurs. Africans should start their own solar panels businesses.

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You are asking too much.

Solar panel investments will involve thinking. You expect Nigerians to involve critical thinking? Impossible!

Let someone else think and invent. They are comfortable as consumers. Universities are churning out electrical and electronics engineers every year who are only good at drawing circuit diagrams.

I usually set the ball very low when dealing with "most" Nigerians. Remarkably, they never disappoint.
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kevindayo:
The essence of the this enterprise is to achieve what purpose?

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Really?

Can't you see the two oyibo that came to hustle the governor?

The governor got played!
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tyokunbo:
Source:http://towncrieronline.net/2017/02/21/reverend-father-dances-with-masquerade-during-st-pauls-feast-in-anambra/

Ordinarily, masquerades are not associated with Christianity, because they come from two different traditions. However, they sometimes meet, as happened in St Paul's Catholic Seminary, Ukpo, Anambra State sometimes ago, causing consternation among some. A Facebook user was perplexed about this phenomenon, and he reacted angrily. He writes,

"This is happening now at ukpor Nnewi they call it St Paul feast..... A Rev father following masquerade choooooiiiii aru emmeee. Please Guys is this right or wrong I know that some blind folks here will start defending them."

This is a clear evidence of how much white people had brainwashed blacks in Africa to the point that they denigrate their cultures.

When a Reverend father celebrates Halloween, this same slowpoke will nod in acceptance. When this same Rev. Fr bows down to a sculpture painted in pink and nailed to a cross, this same mo.ron will bow in obeisance. The sculpture designed by an artist down the street automatically becomes divine when holy water is sprayed on it. But you will disparage a sculpture blessed with a kolanut as fetish because you have been brainwashed to believe so.

It is finished. Africa is psychologically dead!
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Joining the US military is as easy as ABC once you graduate from High School (I assume you are a citizen or green card holder).

Military personnel are not viewed the same way as they are seen in Nigeria. They don't go about brutalizing citizens or turning into monster terrorists among the citizens. There is a chance that an adult you meet might have passed through the military system. It is not much of a big deal unless for the ones who had/have been deployed.

In Nigeria you hear jokes like "if a soldier slaps you.." thus confering some kind of superhuman power to military personnel. They are human. They bleed and die like everyone else.
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nonsobaba:
Story for the gods. Sheriff has been beating the hell out of makarfi and his group since this crisis started and you call him a drowning man? A 'drowning man' who made fayose and wike to run to Abuja for emergency meeting yerterday!

The mistake you made is that you reduced PDP's problems to
only Sheriff, Makarfi, Wike and Fayose.

Why not sit back, analyze and look at the big picture.
No group is winning when the house is divided. The time they would use to restrategize will be expended in court. You call that winning?
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All the oil-producing countries that failed to save are going through serious economic hardship: Nigeria, Azerbaijan, Suriname,Ecuador and Venezuela. Even Saudi Arabia with much of foreign reserves had to cut back on her social programmes.
If in doubt, when you get a job, blow your income on a regular basis. Then when you get fired, let's see how much you can hang on. It gets worse--Buhari and the people in-charge are still spending and wasting funds like everything is ok. Peruse through the 2016 budget, one can deduce that reality hasn't sunk in yet.
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