₦airaland Forum

Thanks very much, "Best Dad". Just saw ur Post now.

Okay, a little "refresher" on why l think fuel subsidy removal is a hoax, a deceitful gimmick for more looting!

First, what is fuel subsidy?
It is the difference between the cost of producing Petrol (locally) or buying and importing it from abroad AND the price it is sold to the public/ consumers. So if the real cost is x-naira and you sell it for x minus y-naira, that "y naira" is the subsidy, added by the government (to make it affordable to the poor).

1.)In 1985, when IBB was the President, price of a litter of Petrol was around #1.95K,
IBB told us that fuel was being subsidized and that he needed to remove the "subsidy" as part of the IMF/SAP conditionalities and to improve infrastructure in the Oil industry.

2.) He again removed "subsidy" two more times till it reached about #10; about 500% increase, (where and how "subsidy" crept back on the price again, after each removal, still beats me till date) before stepping aside after 8yrs and 9months in power.

He removed the Subsidy but we never saw the infrastructure or where the money went (Even the $2.8Bilion Gulf war windfall disappeared!)
What does that tell you about "subsidy removal"?

3.) Obasanjo (OBJ) as a civilian President, also removed fuel subsidy "7 Times" in his 8years in power. He did about 600% increase during his tenure.
Each time he wanted to arbitrarily increase the pump price of petrol, we get this same argument: We need the money to build Refineries, to help the common man and we cannot continue to waste money on subsidizing fuel.

Again, where is all the "saved subsidy" that accrued from the seven-times fuel price increases under OBJ?
Did he build any refineries? NO
Did he improve infrastructures? NO
Did he enrich himself and his cronies? YES
Did he impoverish the poor masses as Price of commodities rose astronomically, like they did under IBB's Structural adjustment program? YES

WHO PAID THE PRICE? THE CITIZENS!

Did we as citizens of Nigeria gain anything from these unending fuel subsidy removal? NO

Today, both Presidents are "Billionaires" in both local and foreign currencies.

Now, some of us are too young, to immature or too foolish to comprehend the ramifications of "removal of fuel subsidy" (if there was ever one, it was created in the minds of our leaders to give the impression that we are being spoon-fed).

Thus, it is more "reasonable" to predict the future, from the past, than to assume (based on zero evidence), that the future will be radically different from the past!
Based on past evidence,  l can boldly say that "This removal is another excuse to impoverish already poverty stricken Nigerians (and partly to extract back, that "Minimum Wage increase" from their pockets) and create a "Pool of funds" for the current Government Politicians to steal.

They are simply saying "its pay-back time": We need money to steal.

I tell you, Nigerian leaders are wicked and evil to the core.
Otherwise, they would ask themselves: Who will suffer the consequences of this fuel increase?
a) Poor Parents and their children who will have to face astronomical increase in everyday purchases (Food, transport, Clothing, Energy, Cost of Medicines and about anything that is "transported".) In summary, their life expectancy will be further shortened!

The "few" rich can afford it, even if you increase it to #1000/Liter

Who will Benefit from the increase?
a) those in Power (Politicians)
b) Those "Mafia" at the NNPC and their "Marketers" who buy fuel from our local Refinery and the "Round-trip" it on a Barge on the high-Sea and bring it back in as "imported fuel" so that they can collect "subsidy" on it.
It is sheer corruption and the more you increase the price of fuel (subsidy removal), the more attractive this criminal business becomes for them 'cos, it means more profit!
The government knows these saboteurs but would rather punish the "poor masses" for the sins of these criminals!

So, if you think removing the subsidy increasing the price of fuel will remove these criminals, you definitely need to go see a Shrink-head!
Dont forget we produce this fuel in Nigeria!
It does not take 2yrs to build a refinery (How come IBB, OBJ, Yar Adua or GEJ has never built one in over 25years combined?)

May God Save Nigerians from "man's inhumanity to man". Yes, the inhumanity of our Leaders and the "docility" of the citizens

Lastpage.


BTW: I have gone this far, to give a short historical perspective of "fuel subsidy" and why this subsidy removal is just  rehash of the "same old story". MORE POVERTY FOR THE MASSES, MORE BILLIONS TO STEAL FOR THE PRIVILEGED!

^^^^^I have answered a few people on this thread.

Ask yourself: Why should your own be different?
Could it be that you're the most brilliant person here or could it be that l am scared of you?

How can YOU "call me out or corner me" When ab initio, l have REFUSED TO ENGAGE YOU?

The truth is what l wrote above: I dont engage peeps who cant construct a single sentence without passing insult to the other person!

You can check your posts on this thread alone and see how many folks you have insulted, just because they held an opinion "different from yours" on Tinubu!
Even if he were to the your "bread and butter", it does not mean people cant hold "contrary opinion" without being insulted;
It just shows bad upbringing and lack of social skills, as l said earlier.

Anyway, carry-on with your vituperation; None of my business!

I just wont engage you, no matter what challenge you throw.

^^^^Okay.

Each man to his Tenth.

Nuff said, l've got nothing more to add.

One thing you cant fault in all l said is that "its full of facts", realistic facts!

Thanks for your opinion, Nice day to you.

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@2much
I believe this is the "response" (my first one) you're referring to. I am quoting it here verbatim because l think you may have misunderstood me (Mind you, it costs me nothing to just ignore your post! No 'disrespect' in anyway. Am only doing this to set the records straight 'cos "a life" is involved.)

@Lastpage

Here we go again! Grin
From everything l have read so far and your clarifications concerning "your needs and your marital affairs", l will make some summary!

Now,l got to be brutal about these; many women would not fancy my position but they are all entitled to theirs as well. Wink

Need: Your own biological child. End of story.
From your submissions, you dont need a wife in the actual sense. Your wife #2 may come across as selfish but that is human nature: Humans are selfish by nature! Simples!!

For me, what your wife does is actually not totally within your control, thats a bitter fact of life nowadays! If you marry her for the next 30yrs and she does not want to bear children for you (for whatever reason, which l think she should have been able to convince you of, in 8yrs!) SHE WOULD NOT EVEN GET PREGNANT, how much more bearing a child!

So, whats YOUR OPTION(S)?:
1.)Would your wife change her mind? After 8yrs, l dont think so. Infact, forget it, you cant have a child by her!

2.) Wife #3? A dangerous possibility but then "you're falling in-love with her" and men are stewpid when they fall in love; they cant think rationally and like someone pointed out, what if She wont/cant bear you kids nko?
What will you do? Wifey #4? Naaah, stop hopping around man, you no be Grasshopper now, abi?

3.) My suggestion: Since l am convinced that what you need is your own biological children, IMPREGNATE A WOMAN (any sane woman) and LET HER DELIVER THE CHILD FIRST and FOREMOST. Dont give yourself out again on this one o! Rein-in your emotions.
Check me out properly o!

a.) I did not say marry a woman or the woman (dont complicate your situation with further marriages right now.)
b.) I mean just "impregnate any fertile woman" (adult and of-age, of-course! Grin ). Support her till baby is delivered.
Then ask yourself and herself, if marriage is for both of you afterwards!

Advantages:
1.) You will have solved your biggest headache.
2.) You could still keep your "wife #2", (if you still want her or if she still wants you; Thank God its not a legal marriage, she for show you pepper! Grin).
3.) The new "mother of baby" might even decide she does not want to marry you or just wants to be paid-off (like surrogacy)
4.) You can shop-around for a wife #3 then (if thats your wish), without the pressure of "l want a child", maybe just for pure love and bliss!
5.) At times, one cannot get all we want in a "single product".
(I like Volvo cars for strength but l like Toyota for fuel efficiency and l like the ruggedness of Mercedes cars but can l get all these attributes in one car? Dont think so! So, l buy a Volvo first and sell it later, buy Mercedes next and sell  it later and now that fuel is getting costly, maybe its time to get a Toyota! Wink ). Since wifey #2 cant give you your won biological kids, get it elsewhere and she can remain if she wants or since she is not even "your real wife" (women consider the first wife, the real wife, right?), she can go back to her being a widow.
(Who the heck came-up with the car-analogy on this thread! Shocked Shocked )

But please, be careful in jumping into another "marriage".  It can cause you a lot of grief!
Marriage should be off-limits for you. You can have a child without being married (White peeps call it "partner" or "cohabiting", No strings attached! Wink

Remember the saying: When disaster comes, it does not come singly! They come in droves!
You have a 90% probability of making another mistake, as per marrying another wife!
In your position, your judgement about marriage is just no longer reliable (it is beclouded by your "need" and you will likely make another fatal error unless you sort out that "biological need" first.

See why l say its not going to be "ice-cream, lovey-dovey" stuff? Brutal stuff!! Grin Grin Wink

Lastpage.

BTW: Be careful, if this "possible wife #3" knows you're desperate for a child, you're finished! That your "weakness" would be used against you, all the remaining days of your life and it wont be amusing at all.
I pray that you will use wisdom, even from above.
Cheers.

I have "bolded" specific areas that l want to draw your attention to:

Now,

1.) you will notice that l used the phrase "Your Options": This means "more than one possibilities". He is free to decide what he wants to do or which of these "options" he wants to take. He has his freedom of choice, depending on his feelings. Dont just focus on "one of the options". It sounds more like trying to give a dog a bad name, so you can hang it! I keep using the word "if", to show that nothing is "absolute" inmy statements, he himslef has to decide what he think is best for him.

2.) Notice again, that l was able to "locate and localized" his actual need (even before he came out with more detailed stories!). I am not a person to give someone "Epson Salt or Gentamycin" for headache! I will give "Panadol or Phensic"  to myself and to others.
If his actual pain was not having a "biological child from his marriage" (marital problems between him and Madam are secondary and can be resolved with determination) and Madam is either "unwilling or incapable" of fulfilling that "core-need" of his, what other options does he have apart from those l itemised above?

3.)Again, notice that l also "kept the door open" for him and Madam to still be together, while fulfilling his need (l have seen women who, for the love of family, agreed to surrogacy, adoption, ivf, e.t.c jut to ensure they keep their family intact while fulfilling that "human need" to procreate directly!). Where there is love, no sacrifice is too great! He does not have to do away with Madam as long as she is not the "either me or nothing" type!

4.) I now made a suggestion (that is, my own position or what l would do, if in his shoes): If everything fails, impregnate a woman and father a child. Now, l also listed the "advantages" of that move in my post.

I have added the "Steve Jobs" story to the whole thing to show that at times, "we make decisions, the consequence of which we dont know. At times, we fail to make decisions which, if we knew the out come before hand, we would have made such decisions pronto!.
FOLLOW YOUR HEART, IS VERY APT HERE!

*Will l do the same thing "if l find myself in his position"? YOU BET I WOULD.
*Would so many other do the same thing? YOU BET THEY WOULD!

Its just a way of making the best out of an  already "bad situation".
Why should a brother develop stroke over this? Would he be useful to anybody if  (God forbid), he passes on, over his predicament?
"Do unto others as you would expect to be done unto". I live and die by those rule, anyday. End of story.

Cheers

Lastpage.

Not everybody would agree with my position, some would agree but would not say so, or say so "publicly"! (diplomacy, they call it, l call it hypocrisy! )

@Chaircover.
Thanks very much for your last post.
Very thought provoking and done with honesty.
I agree with you  on a lot of things there, especially that part that says "Happiness comes form God".
I stated that earlier in one of my first post on this topic. "Wo/Man happiness should not be predicated on another Wo/Man". We are all infallible humans.
Only a personal relationship with God can guarantee you fulfillment and (or) happiness.

Having said that, there are times when we not only need "To Pray" but we also need to "Work" so that we can get "Work and Pray"!

In essence, these are periods of life when "Practicality" is needed.
You can pray to God for food and sustenance but if l sits on my fat bum all day long,  "Heaven WILL ONLY HELP those who help themselves"!

Your suggestion caters for "his emotional well-being" and that is good.
Right now, what does he need to do, to take care of his "Physical Well-being"?

Remember that we dont all have the same "capacity to deal with stress"!
What would "kill me" might just be a "joy-ride" for another person!

Assuming a woman marries a man who constantly beats her and strips her of her dignity, am l to play the Ostrich and hypocrite by telling her to continue to beg him (even after she had tried to beg him and has asked "elders" to beg him)?!

Would l offend God if l ask her to "stay-away" for some time, hoping the psychopath will get his senses back?
Would l be wrong if he does not change his ways and Madam (assuming she is just 29yrs and has no children) wants to find fulfillment in life by wanting to divorce the "weere" and find love elsewhere?

This is the "PRACTICALITY" of Life!
Or should l then use a different "Yardstick" now because "a man" is at the receiving end?

No one wants to "bell the Cat" as it is safer to "play ostrich". (Am not in anyway referring to you Maam)

Unfortunately, that is not my own nature (it has put me in trouble a few  times sha ), l am so outspoken but l say what l think is right and am very responsible to my conscience, always.

Please do have a great day.


Lastpage.


BTW: And "Cheetah02", take it easy, for everybody's sake.
I am not your Doctor 'cos we are thousands of miles away from each other, even if you be winch, you couldn't have seen me in person!
God will strengthen you and give you wisdom.

>>@Sisi_Kill
Naaah, stop being petty!
He does not need my go-ahead to remain or leave his marriage (if what he has NOW, according to his story, can be called that).
The "Choice and decisions" are still 'his', to make.

You know, l wonder what YOU would have told him, if you were his MOTHER?
More like "your suffer-head just start, na dea you go die"!
Lets pray one of your own SON or Brother would experience the same thing (and we can then judge your "honesty of intentions" by your response)!

Again, you dont need to be a "Doctor", to know that Panadol is a cure for "Headache"! Except of-course, if you're very dumb!

All that shyte about "personal experience" is just an excuse for you to deflect your real thoughts (Maybe you're one of those who derive enjoyment from seeing others suffer?)

Yea, l feel compassion for people who suffer and l dont give a hoot about what peeps like you (who dont) think!

Lastpage.


BTW: I thought you would have gained more (and focused more) on the speech given by Steve Job?
Or were you so wind-up by my "position on this issue" that you did not even bother to "read the main thing"?
Okay, l agree, not everyone has the mental capacity to decipher the lessons from that speech.
Oya, carry-go, Husband-beater!

Just because they "display" 4G or 18G on your phone does not mean they are!
If you consider that the "G" stands for "Generation", how can a bandwidth of 200kbps claim even to be 3G?

I am amused at how this Telecoms companies fool Nigerians!.

Please ask your folks who use 3.5G (Vodafone for example), in "advanced economy" (where you cant just "make a claim" but you have to justify it in performance!), let them tell you what their 'Upload/Download' bandwidth are!

You will nearly collapse with laughter, when you think that they are already giving you 5G in Nigeria!
Even abroad, 4G is still in a "test phase", in most places!


Mtchew

^^^^Now l can see that "you're drifting"!

"Getting Married" has NOTHING TO DO with proper upbringing of children!
How cant you get that? So Simples!

"Marriage" itself is just a "formalization" of "the co-habitation" between couples!
Whether they formalize it or NOT, as long as they live together as husband and wife, it is perfectly legitimate to "raise children" and how those children turn-out, has NOTHING to do with such formalization or not.

We have seen children of "married peeps", turn out bad; ditto children of unmarried peeps!
We have seen children of married peeps, turn out GOOD; ditto children of unmarried peeps!

Either way, "getting married or not" is not a parameter to raising "good children"


That is the point you need to understand
.,.,. and enough of your drifting around please!

And let me share this inspiring words of Steve Job (from the Apple CEO) who had just passed away at the age of 58. He died of Pancreatic Cancer.

This is a "small part" of a speech he gave to graduating students of Stanford University's class of 2005.

"Especially to Cheetah02"

I am particularly "re-dedicating" Steve Job's speech to that man "Cheetah02" and all those who are yet to find "fulfillment in life", those who are still wondering in the wilderness of life[b]!
May you find your heart.,.,., and be brave enough to follow it![/b]

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts.

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
[b]
l'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine[/b], but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already Unclad. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Like some would say, THREE "APPLES" CHANGED THE WORLD!

1.) ADAM'S APPLE!
2.) ISAAC NEWTON'S APPLE!
3.) STEVE JOB'S APPLE!!!

Cheers,

Lastpage.

BTW: Its very unusual that l take "personal interest" in someone's "anonymous story" but somehow, THIS Cheetah02's own TOUCHED ME DEEP DOWN.

@N101

I got your drift long time. But having a child without marrying can be just as much - or more - drama than jumping from one relationship to another. There are a LOT of those casualties around.

See my drift? Grin

My "quote" which you responded to, was directed at "naijababe', NOT AT YOU!
Having said that l am trying to, and still cant, "get your drift" in that response you posted.
Be kind to: go straight to the point.,.,. to the point - to the point - No Faking!

See, l do 'rapping' stuff too!

^^^^^ Is this a "mistake" or jaundice of the eyes?

Cant you see whom l addressed my message to?

Its not a coincidence that l have refused to engage you so far:
I dont engage people who are uncouth, "insulting" at every sentence they utter and who dont display proper "social skills" on a public forum.

Until then, please respond ONLY to peeps who want to argue /discuss with YOU.
[size=16pt]I am not one of them[/size].

Lastpage.

BTW: No disrespect to "your person" but feel free to "express yourself", as usual.

Now, somebody is really talking to you here!

Re: Help Help Help
« #83 on: Today at 09:59:30 PM »

OP, I'm one of those women who believe in marriage but not in a marriage at all costs. If all you've narrated here is true, why don't you just make a clean break? Clearly you and no 2 will not agree so why don't you just your separate ways first and do that without putting a ring on woman no 3's finger or any other woman's for that matter.

In fact, if you were my brother, i'd tell you to steer clear of women and relationships for some time after you separate from no2 to get clearer perspectives; your future relationship can then start on a clean plate and whoever you get involved with will know from the onset what they have to contend with.

Goodluck and best wishes

You see my drift?
I thought l was the only one "insane" around here!

Still here

waiting

send me a PM

@Cheetah@02

@lastpage
i spoke to my lawyers on changing the title documents to my name only, but they said i will need her consent to do that. Secondly leaving my house for another place would be a little painful because i built that house. Did i do wrong by marrying her and taking care of her kids. Is it right that i should be repaid in this manner

I am ashamed to say this, whenever i'm alone in the office or at home- i shed tears (as a man!) because this is just too much for me to handle. Right now as i speak to you, my girlfriend has relocated from her house to her aunt's place- she said she wants to be alone to make the right decisions. The truth is i dont want to loose that girl, she is all that gives me joy. Yes when we met, she didnt know i was married (yea, my bad), but as soon as we became serious- i just had to let her into the truth. My parents have met her and everyone likes her. I dont want to go to the streets and get any girl pregnant- Will they get pregnant and dump the baby with me or my mum? I want a home, where the children will have a father and mother, a home when my son is ill, i will as a man take him to the hospital, a home where the mom is there is put on little pink ribbons on my daughters hair while preparing to go to church. I just need a home and i am willingly to give all i have to have that now.

I am sure you know what you're asking for, when you put "your affairs" on a public forum!
You can be sure that some of those criticizing you NOW have not even "taken the walk of marital life", all they can count on as "life experience", from which they draw their advice, are[b] scenes they watched on Nollywood or read in some romance magazine![/b]

You can see that some "are judging you", even when they dont have the facts!
Some have even made up "statements" by themselves, just to justify what they have in mind!
You have seen statements like "I suspect that", "l think that" and so on, instead of making "what you said" (which we are assuming is true), as the basis of their advice!
Some are even out to "wickedly mislead you". They ask you to do things that they themselves will NEVER DO, if in your position!
I will suggest you go back and read the "previous contributions" of some of these "advisers" on similar 'marital issues' and you would see the "Wolf-in-sheep clothing" that they are!
I pray that everyone offering advice here will themselves (or their children or family member) be the Recipient of the same advice they are offering, if and when they are in the same position as this man!

I am at a loss as to why somebody will still be advising you to go and beg wife #1 (who slept with you blood relation ditto your uncle!)
What is there to reconcile about in that?

Wife #2 has also made her stand very clear! She does not trust you (maybe not anymore) and hence all the surreptitious moves she's been making!
*You dont "plead TRUST", you EARN IT.
*Marriage is dead without TRUST.
*Without TRUST , Marriage is just "an Adversarial Game"! The SMARTEST SPOUSE WINS!

Keep these words of mine,  somewhere, in the corner of your heart.

According to what you posted "to me" up there, you built the house you both live-in right now.
Thus, the idea of vacating it is uncalled-for!.
Its your house, She too has a house (like you said),
When Push-turns-to-shove, She would (MUST) leave and go to her own House. Its as simple as that.
She wont even sign any consent in her dreams!
But there are "ways round" any obstacle, as in this "House matter". (I cant say certain things here of-course )
Just get a rented apartment, as alternative, emergency accommodation, in the meantime 'cos two of you will leave the house eventually.
Even a single room will do.
Is your "finance"so bad right now?
I read somewhere on this NL where "some Women" said that "one of the ways to "SUBDUE A HUSBAND" is to ensure that he is short on money"!
True to a large extent, so you should expect that when issues like this arise, your finance would be targeted, big time! Its a way of making you incapable of taking any independent action.

Pay attention to your money. Dont entertain any 'funny request" that would deplete your savings or put some strange burden on your purse.
If she wants anything "strange", let her pay for it or forget it. SIMPLES!!

Open new Bank accounts, keep it to your chest, remove all "strategic documents" from the house, keep them with a trusted friend (ensure it is one that would not "double-cross" you with your wife o, you know! )
You're indeep shyte and you should know it! Dont be caught unawares again, NEVER!

Since you're not legally married to her, and NO KIDS invoved, you dont owe her naada!

Why are you even "step-daddy-ing" children that dont even bear your name? Since their dad is deceased, if wife #2 really loves you, she would have even suggested you adopt them properly so that you can really feel " a part" of those children's life;
Not this "use-and-dump" strategy.


Are you getting pushed to the "limit of your sane mind" somehow?
Take it easy and dont do anything stewpid, that you might regret later.

I dont care what people here would say or think, as long as l tell you what l will do, if l am in your shoes.
It represents the best advice l can give, based on the information available to me (from yourself).
I hope l dont find myself in your shoes, not enviable at all!

Anyway, "Its wont be an easy Task, to extract the Kernel, from a Palm tree", as the saying goes.
Right now, YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE and Emotions should be out of it.
Its either you will survive or you will die of hypertension! Simples!! 
Either way, Wife #2 will move-on! Your "biological son" will be the looser

As for your "step children", show them as much love as you can, AND AS MUCH AS THEIR MOTHER WILL ALLOW YOU TO!
Dont kill yourself trying to do the above cos their Mum will certainly be in your way.
She's made up her mind to be another "Single Mum". As a widow, you have tried your best, to be there when " a man " was needed.
We dont even know what killed the other man!

IN SIMPLE LANGUAGE, YOU AND WIFE #2 CAN NO LONGER LIVE TOGETHER AS HUSBAND AND WIFE!
She knows this. She's protecting herself and her children! YOU HAVE TO PROTECT YOURSELF TOO; By Whatever means!
Thats the simple truth!

Leave the New Gaal out of it for now. Deal with this current problem. When you "clear the environment and make it habitable", you can then do whatever you like from that point!
If she truly loves you that much, she would wait for you.
If she cant "sacrifice a few months" for you now, she cant and wont in the future.
There will always be "someone special" for any man that is up to standard, believe me.

Stop shedding tears. YOU ARE A MAN. DEAL WITH THAT ISSUE THAT IS MAKING YOU CRY instead of crying!
There are wicked men, just like there are wicked women.
Dont let anyone kill your destiny. Its your life, just one life you will ever live!

You know what, l'll set-up a Gmail account or yahoo and when you online, l will paste it here (and delete the account immediately after) so we can hav some more private chat on this your dilemma.
Mind you, l am not interested in you knowing me in real life (I prefer to remain anonymous so l can always speak my mind on issues) and l am not keen to know you either. Its better for both of us that way.

But there are things l cant say "on air" here. You never can say who is "reading and contributing" to the thread!
Just imagine if your wife #1 was one of the contributors here!
How would you know? No way!

Take heart and remain strong.

Lastpage.


BTW: I love the marriage institution but l detest one spouse (male or female) been made  a slave, taken advantage of, just to remain married. Marriage should be bliss, enjoyment, cooperation, unity of purpose, helping and sacrificing for each other, assisting each other, selfless, caring for one another, being truthful to one another, making the other person the source and goal of all your happiness! Well, an ideal marriage, like our fathers and Mothers had!
May God give you wisdom and strength.

^^^^^^


What else can l say/do?

Lord have mercy!

@Cheetah@02
I am getting, like other peeps, a clearer picture of your relationship, as you shed more light on your issue. I will respond to "specific areas" of your posts, in bits and pieces.

From responses here, people dont seem to understand how bad i am hurting. Let me state categorically here that i didnt marry a rich widow. No! I am trying to be modest here- i am better financilally than the late husband. What i meant by she made me who i am is this- Considering where she works, an opportunity came up, we put heads together and joined finances and then the boom. This same money has been sustained and have multiplied greatly in my hands. Yes i respect her for bringing that opprtunity my way,.,.

I am happy that your conscience "has set you free" and that you are not some gold-digger, as some people here have insinuated. I am even happier that you acknowledge the part she played in your success, that is what spouses should be doing with each other. Dont despair, be strong, for yourself.

but then does it justify her seizing documents to my properties just because i registered the title documents in the name Mr & Mrs when we quarelled. Her brother came asking for over a huge sum of money i cant mentiom here, running into tens of millions- i was coerced into parting with that money uptill now, no sign of repayment. No effort on her side to ensure that money comes back. Instead what i get is a reminder of how if it wasnt for that deal, i wouldnt have the money i have.

Moreso, now my business is down at the moment, does it not tell her that its high time she tells her brother to return my hard earned money? Instead she is so busy to the extent that she has forgotten i have needs. She no longer cooks, we no longer smile talkmore of laughing. Then my need as a man has also been left to suffer. She comes back home at 11pm and then all she wants to do is sleep. Whenever i am around during the weekend, she finds every reason to go out, when im out of town she is always at home. Have i all of a sudden begin to irritate her sexually? Or am i no longer a man because i am not too bouyant as i used to be?

Am always amazed why some men "cant read the handwriting on the wall?
Whenever your spouse (male or female) starts taking certain steps, you should be receiving the "alarm bells" in your head!
Your antennae should be doing overtime and your instincts of self-survival should kick-in.

Please ignore all those comments about "you trying to make-up with your wife #2" in anyway!. ITS A TRAP!

Let me put it bluntly: YOUR MARRIAGE IS DEAD A LONG TIME!. You were only leaving in a fools paradise, for some time now.
Please answer me this question sincerely and truthfully: Did you marry wife #2 LEGALLY? Or did you just hobnobbed with her?
If you did not marry her legally and she has no issues for you, she cannot "inherit you in anyway".
Let her take your property documents and hide them

1.) Now that you're still alive, l believe your demise will be next on the agenda once you start showing some presence of  mind!
Madam knows the marriage is dead and buried, that is why she has taken some "pro-active steps" to protect her interest (like buying separate property in her children's name, using her brother to scam some money from you (you will never get that one back ), gravitating towards her dead husbands family while alienating yours and coming home late without a care!

2.)Take that your only biological son and relocate him to one of your family members, for the time being (for his own personal safety)

3.) Take anything that is of value to you out of your current house and keep with friends (not household effects like TV, e.t.c., those ones can be easily replaced when you settle down). I am referring to documents, certificates, e.t.c and anything she can use against you in future!
Is it a surprise that "some" wives "true color" only comes out when their husband is experiencing financial difficulties? Its not a coincidence at all! We read it here almost on a daily basis.
Most peeps would never know the true color of their "spouse", UNTIL HARD TIMES SET-IN, AFTER ENJOYING SOME RELATIVE GOOD TIMES!

4.)Rent another apartment (room and Parlour for a start now, l understand you are going through financial difficulties right now). Relocate there. I can assure you that "Madam" is smarter than you and you could end-up eating "Rat-Poison" very sooner than you expected. Eat nothing except she would allow you to share it with her two children! A kind of "mini-insurance", you know!

5.) Concerning your "Property documents" that she took stole (when you take someones things without permission), dont loose a single sleep over it. When you're out of that house, "declare those documents STOLEN AND LOST". Go to Police station and report them stolen (you dont know who stole them or how). Go to court and do a sworn affidavit about them. Use that to file for new, "REPLACEMENT" documents.
You might need to spend a few quid, not much so dont fret!

6.)Next time she dares bring out those "stolen documents" she will be arrested for stealing them! S-I-M-P-L-E-S  
She has no single entitlement to your property (and she is stowing hers away using her kids name! => you have been denied access to her properties, by that move!). Henceforth, any important property you have, can be in your "real son's name)

But remember, you can only do the above "If two of you are NOT LEGALLY MARRIED".
If you are legally married, the "approach will be radically different".

Again, let me warn you: Once you start, No GOING BACK! Those who go back end up DEAD!
Dont let the "smell and taste of punnany" lure you back! It may be your last phuck!
She will begin to try "all the old tricks" on you once she knows you're up for "whatever" is coming and its just a trick to bring you down.

I recently found out that she took the kids to her late husband's place and when i confronted her she said and i quote "you know the kids are theirs please, i see no reason why you are blowing out the roof top"
Ok now, can someone especially the ladies tell me why she would refuse the surrogate mother option i raised. The doctor would get my Fluid and her eggs get them fertilized and implanted into another woman to help us carry till delivery and she refused. Isnt that selfishness?

Leave matter, something like that can never happen. She has moved-on, a long time, without you knowing!

I am ready to forfiet everything now for my happiness. Life is too short to be living like this. She can have all of my properties that i registered in our names and im willingly to start all over with this other person if only she is willing to go that extra mile with me. This other lady is scared. She is single, never been married. She says she has never seen this kind of complicated life and she is scared of the outcome. I love her, she loves me- So peeps dont i deserve a second chance to love again?

Solve one "dangerous problem" first, before adding another to it.
I know how it feels when you're in love with a woman (Remember how you felt, when you met wives #1 and #2?), Compare it to how you are feeling about "both" now!
What does that tell you? : Put Not Your Happiness in ANY HUMANBEING!
Love but keep your head Up! Humans are wired to "change" and they will always change! Change faster, even in this age of "technology" where your 'spouse' needs not live your bedroom in order to fornicate! from faceBook, Twitter, Bebo, Yahoo, Google Talk and a thousand other social media, not to mention the portability and ubiquitous-ness of "Communication Devices" available!

Take it very slowly with the "new woman".
Like l said earlier, you can impregnate her if she wants and allows (at least you are moving in the right direction) but please DONT EVER MARRY ANY WOMAN LEGALLY, AT LEAST FOR NOW! NOT even for Love!
It will only complicate your already complicated situation and can only bring your more heart-ache!

Extreme as that may sound, its the truth, the sort of truth that fits your situation!

I wish you the best.

Lastpage.

BTW: Dont be scared of anything, but be very wary and cautious. You're  a man and dont let anyone cower you into submission (which is what happens when one spouse gets overwhelmed by another spouse!)

Here we go again!
From everything l have read so far and your clarifications concerning "your needs and your marital affairs", l will make some summary!

Now,l got to be brutal about these; many women would not fancy my position but they are all entitled to theirs as well.

Need: Your own biological child. End of story.
From your submissions, you dont need a wife in the actual sense. Your wife #2 may come across as selfish but that is human nature: Humans are selfish by nature! Simples!!

For me, what your wife does is actually not totally within your control, thats a bitter fact of life nowadays! If you marry her for the next 30yrs and she does not want to bear children for you (for whatever reason, which l think she should have been able to convince you of, in 8yrs!) SHE WOULD NOT EVEN GET PREGNANT, how much more bearing a child!

So, whats YOUR OPTION(S)?:
1.)Would your wife change her mind? After 8yrs, l dont think so. Infact, forget it, you cant have a child by her!

2.) Wife #3? A dangerous possibility but then "you're falling in-love with her" and men are stewpid when they fall in love; they cant think rationally and like someone pointed out, what if She wont/cant bear you kids nko?
What will you do? Wifey #4? Naaah, stop hopping around man, you no be Grasshopper now, abi?

3.) My suggestion: Since l am convinced that what you need is your own biological children, IMPREGNATE A WOMAN (any sane woman) and LET HER DELIVER THE CHILD FIRST and FOREMOST. Dont give yourself out again on this one o! Rein-in your emotions.
Check me out properly o!

a.) I did not say marry a woman or the woman (dont complicate your situation with further marriages right now.)
b.) I mean just "impregnate any fertile woman" (adult and of-age, of-course! ). Support her till baby is delivered.
Then ask yourself and herself, if marriage is for both of you afterwards!

Advantages:
1.) You will have solved your biggest headache.
2.) You could still keep your "wife #2", (if you still want her or if she still wants you; Thank God its not a legal marriage, she for show you pepper! ).
3.) The new "mother of baby" might even decide she does not want to marry you or just wants to be paid-off (like surrogacy)
4.) You can shop-around for a wife #3 then (if thats your wish), without the pressure of "l want a child", maybe just for pure love and bliss!
5.) At times, one cannot get all we want in a "single product".
(I like Volvo cars for strength but l like Toyota for fuel efficiency and l like the ruggedness of Mercedes cars but can l get all these attributes in one car? Dont think so! So, l buy a Volvo first and sell it later, buy Mercedes next and sell  it later and now that fuel is getting costly, maybe its time to get a Toyota! ). Since wifey #2 cant give you your won biological kids, get it elsewhere and she can remain if she wants or since she is not even "your real wife" (women consider the first wife, the real wife, right?), she can go back to her being a widow.
(Who the heck came-up with the car-analogy on this thread! )

But please, be careful in jumping into another "marriage". It can cause you a lot of grief!
Marriage should be off-limits for you. You can have a child without being married (White peeps call it "partner" or "cohabiting", No strings attached!

Remember the saying: When disaster comes, it does not come singly! They come in droves!
You have a 90% probability of making another mistake, as per marrying another wife!
In your position, your judgement about marriage is just no longer reliable (it is beclouded by your "need" and you will likely make another fatal error unless you sort out that "biological need" first.

See why l say its not going to be "ice-cream, lovey-dovey" stuff? Brutal stuff!!

Lastpage.

BTW: Be careful, if this "possible wife #3" knows you're desperate for a child, you're finished! That your "weakness" would be used against you, all the remaining days of your life and it wont be amusing at all.
I pray that you will use wisdom, even from above.
Cheers.

@Cool2mine

I CHALLENGE ANYONE TO SHOW ME WITH FACTS HOW ASIWAJU BOLA HAMMED TINUBU HAS BEEN STEALING LAGOS MONEY.

Wait, do you mean you dont think "conflict of interest" is a crime, for elected public officers?

Just imagine That Tony Blair or Gordon Brown had set-up a few companies, using cronies and family members as dummy owners) and then proceeds to use his official powers to award "monopolistic contracts" to them (e.g., the company should be the ONLY ONE collecting Toll Fees in U.K and then fixes by fiat, the company's percentage!).
Do you think that Scotland Yard will be waiting for Joe Bloggs like me to produce evidence that he was a criminal before putting him before a judge for sentencing? Do you think Britons will be telling the court to leave him alone because he is Labor and Cameron is Conservative opposition?

Or how do you think Alpha Beta Company (ABC that collects Lagos Tax) is different from the above scenario?

Why cant we hold our leaders (from whatever tribe or party) accountable and to a high standard?

Very sad indeed.

Lastpage

BTW: if you still want facts, just ask yourself: How much is the income of BAT since he started his working life, that he could afford Orient Hotel ALONE, not to mention other buildings in Lagos alone! Is it a joke they call him  "Lord Mayor of Bourdillon, at Ikoyi in Lagos"!?

@Prince4life

Please I need some advice for my sister , she has 3 kids for him but yet this guy is not serious with life he beats her, the worst was when she was 8 months pregnant for her last kid, she fainted after serious beating and ended up in the hospital. The last was about 3 months ago when he beat her and pushed her down from his car on the high way

Accept my sympathy,  on your sister's behalf, about what she is going through.
From your narration, your sister must have gone through very difficult time during her pregnancy.
Why would her husband lay hands on her in the first place, not to mention when she was pregnant? That's not right!
Whatever has been the case, he should have at least exercise more self-control over himself, bearing in mind that she was pregnant, so as to safe-guard the baby's health!
Some men need a few more lesson/classes in "Anger Management".
Did he actually push her off a moving vehicle as you are implying or he asked her to "alight from a stationary vehicle" which l think is most likely the true picture?

Now, l am sure if we ask him or if he has the opportunity to speak or respond to the above allegations, he would narrate a completely different story! Thus, we've learned not to condemn "an accused" without offering such person the "benefit of doubt".

.,.,she has been in a brutal relationship with a guy who isn't ready to marry her legally; so I had to arrange with a couple of people and her mum to get her and the kids out of the man's house, he was never married, she got pregnant for him in the name of love and he asked her to move in with him ,he never performed any right on her. So she finally left his place about 3 months ago,

In reference to above, l guess the "real picture" you're trying to paint is that "He has no right over her and the children they bore together" or she owes him nothing?
Now, that should not be the "position of a good in-law".
Whether he paid a million Pounds on her head or nothing, they are husband and wife with three children. (Not minding whether they are having unhappy differences at the moment!).
Assuming he suddenly became Governor today and says because he did not pay dowry on your sister, therefore she is not his wife (and he wants to marry another "proper wife" would you be happy with that position?
Wont you be the first to come and tell us how wicked he is? Well, this is the other side of the coin so quit acting-up!
You cant be worried at this stage, about what she cant "offload from him" after divorce, or are you? Whats the story then about the "legal marriage" angle? Please slow down.

I dont know if your own disposition contributed to the infractions they are having sef!
But its good that you arranged for her to get some "breathing space" so the man can meditate on his wrong ways and calm down.

So she finally left his place about 3 months ago, and when the kids when on holiday in September he started begging that she should let the kids come to spend the holiday with him and his parents, he has not been paying the kids school fees, he paid the past ones paid by his child mother and we felt perhaps he was getting sober, so my sister allowed her two eldest daughters 7 and 4 to go spend the holiday with their granny at Abeokuta, when the kids were to resume back to school in Lagos, he didn't bring them back to their mother and said he has looked for another school for them at Abeokuta that the kids will now be living with his mother, that he has also gotten an house maid for them their, and he never got an house maid for a mother of three even when she was living with him

You see, this is what happens "WHEN YOU MAKE A "FATHER" BEG FOR HIS RIGHT!
Why dont people like you understand that "children belong to both husband and wife", not just one of the spouses?
Why dont people like you understand that "children should not be used as a weapon", when husband and wife have disagreements?
Why dont people like you know that putting the children in the middle of "adult fights" creates psychological problem for them, in the future?
Why dont people like you understand that "right of parentage" has nothing to do with money; it is inherited in the Genes of both spouses!

Wait a minute, the children have suddenly become "HER daughters" instead of "THEIR daughters", right?
So you have turned yourself to a "family court" and have decided that "he has no right or must beg" before being given the right to see his children?
C'mmon, lets be reasonable for a second: What it was the husband that took this action in the first place and took the children away from their mother, wont we condemn such action?

Now that "your side" has drawn the first blood, the husband has simply "paid you back in similar coin" and you are now here looking for NGO that would take sides with you to fight your sister's husband!
"Do unto others as you would expect them to do unto you": That's the golden rule!
How do you think he was feeling, being made to beg his in-laws, to see his own children?
Could it be that he has "vowed never to beg to see his children again" thus, his action?

Anyway, "two wrongs dont make a single right". Both parties are wrong.
No spouse has the right (except by the pronouncement of a family court, with very clear and cogent reasons) to deny the other access/custody to their children. End of story!

I would suggest you stop being the "cheer-leader" in the break-up of your sisters marriage!
Instead, channel all your energy into getting to the root of their problem.
Call your in-law and talk to him "man-to-man". Find out what he thinks is wrong in the relationship (from his own perspective).
Tell him what your own sister says he does and she does not like.
Try to bridge their differences.
Admonish both of them to be less "self-centered", they should think about how their actions would affect the children and more importantly, tell your sister to be "submissive in a wifey manner" and the husband, to "love his wife like himself" (no one beats himself!).
Calm them down and advice them to shun "fights" (even if you want us to believe that it is only the man that is doing the fighting alone) but if you must lead your sister to fight "DV", advice her to go to the court; stop looking for "backers", when you're spoiling for a fight!
Be a "calming influence" in your sisters marital life, not one that stokes the fire or have you got another husband for her already? (factor-in the three children o! )

Let them know that "Two cannot live together except they agree!; But how can they agree when both are claiming superiority"?
As far as l know, no marriage ever worked, where the wife claims superiority or challenges the husband's authority over his home!
If you want to  be "a wife", submit to your husband in all things.
if you dont want to be a wife, then dont marry a man and you dont have to give a toss about "submitting to" some ego-driven male (husband)

The problem with marriage nowadays is that "most women want to get married to 'a man' but are unwilling to submit to the man"!
Why create a headache for yourself, your husband and the children?
Marriage is not by force but if you must go into it, be ready to abide by the rules and the most important of that is SUBMISSION to your husband.
Next is "HONORING YOUR HUSBAND".
For the man, the command is to "Love your wife; as yourself"!

Do those three things and see if marriage is not a bliss!
Our parents did it and stayed married till death, why not us?

Think for a second, as a man, what if you find yourself in the same situation in the no distant future (yes, l've heard it before, l can never be in that situation! ), what would be your expectations?
What goes around, comes around.

Nuff said joor.

Lastpage

@moremi2008:

Make sure you accept only cash during the baby shower.
Squirrel away every penny you can lay your hands on.
Keep saving until all your kids are old enough for school.
In the meanwhile, start taking the pill religiously. You can't afford to get pregnant again while this man is still drunk with foolishness. Once your kids are in school, find yourself a good job.

All the while, keep saving every extra penny and make sure your husband is paying for EVERYTHING in the house.
Also start collecting evidence. If possible, book an initial consultation with a divorce laywer; they'll teach you how to collect enough evidence to make sure you not only keep the house, but you also win for yourself lots of alimony and child support. [color=#990000]All this should take you about 4-5yrs so you will have to patient as you execute your Master Strategy. Once you're strong enough, financially and evidence-wise, you can then launch your attack. Your husband will first try to prove tough guy but once you show him the evidence and invite him to an "educational" meeting with your divorce lawyer, he will calm down and start begging you. [/color]After this, he will NEVER disrespect your marriage again. Good luck! Remember, patience and a well-executed Master Strategy.

I was about to comment strongly on your post when l saw a follow-up post that you made below:

Thank you! My father thought he would be an invincible playboy forever. He abandoned his young family to spend lavishly on cars, women and partying. He died last year at the age of 58: broke, extremely lonely and a full-blown alcoholic! Not even his many hundreds of ex-girlfriends showed-up to his funeral. He invested his future in pursuit of vanity and he reaped the empty wind in the end. Vanity upon vanity.

Hmmm! My sister, l think you need to be careful, very-very careful, if this is how your mind works! Have "you" tried this method yourself, of recent?
I can understand how you feel as a result of how your father treated you and his family but the sad thing is that if care is not taken, this sort of "bad omen" can become generational!.
Already, one can see that with this kind of mindset, you are already laying the foundation for a marriage collapse 'cos whether you like it or not, marriage will always face difficulties of so many types and it is how you "handle the situation" that would determine how it turns out (and your own panacea as stated above, is a recipe for disaster and failed marriage!)
I also understand, as "Freecia" has stated:

I guess some men/ women replicate what they've seen from their own backgrounds. I guess the saying "you can't miss what you don't know" comes to mind in this case. Our upbringing plays a big role in how we treat others around us,whether we like it or not, sometimes even subconsciously.

.
So, you need to forgive your old man for his mistakes (again, not all "cheating husbands" die poor and miserable like your own Dad! (Go and ask the Senators, Governors, e.t.c. ) His case must be due to mismanagement of resources or just badluck!

Just imagine if the husband of the woman "who practices this your advice" gets a whiff of what is going on? It needs only just one simple mistake to expose this kind of devious plan and l am sure a few women can tell us of their own experience in this "smart game" of divorce!.
Remember that a lot of men are also reading all these things and are getting wiser by the day, which makes implementing them more difficult.
More reason why divorces are getting bitter and more bitter by the day and some "smart men" are even insisting on "Pre-Nup" Agreement before marriage!
If there is a problem in the marriage and the first thing that comes to your mind is "entrapment and how to launch an attack that will get you his property", then you can bet that that mindset will always condition your thinking and actions and such marriage is just a disaster waiting to happen!

BTW: Dont take this personal, l feel you but l think l need to point this out, who knows, it might help somebody someday.

Cheers,

lastpage.

@hardywaltz:

Well I know most people may find my earlier advise repulsive but its just the simple truth, a married man having only 1 'serious' girlfriend is very dangerous; here are the reasons
1) he will rent and furnish a splendid apartment for her for real privacy
2) he will buy her expensive phone and gift (jeweleries etc)
3) he will start taking care of her siblings
4) he will buy her a car
5) he will continuously look for every opportunity to travel (real or imaginary)
6) he will fall in love with her and soon enuff find reasons to throw u out marry her (if u think I am lying ask Mercy Johnson)

[s]but on the other hand if he has several gf as soon as he is done with dat 1 he will rush back home and giggle about his sexcapdes! In reality there's actually nothing 1 can do to a man who keeps looking out just find a solution dat works for u.[/s]

As annoying as your post is, l hate to say it is REALITY!
If l may "tone-it-down a bit: A man that is "cheating and attached" to a single G.F has a greater chance of marrying her than one that has like tow or three G.F's (both are morally wrong)!. The later case implies he has no emotional attachment to the G.F's and can easily do away with them at any time but the latter is a danger sign. We have seen it happen too many times, once the House Madam turns it to a fight, he will simply gravitate towards that single G.F and their love will wax stronger.

Hmmmm! Na wa o!!

The first page of this thread got me thinking and l decided to quote a few things from there. I think some of the "advice" are plain too academic and may therefore backfire at the Op's real intention. Example:

@Horny4u: Painful as this is.

1. You and your kids + unborn matter most. ------------ So the husband does not matter anymore? Are they not his kids too?

2. The money : you need it to take care of your kids. ------ So it is no longer his responsibility as a father (even though he cheats on his wife!) to take care of his kids?

3. Legs closed for now : no need to give your uncurable --------- While STD's are real and there are known precautions you can take to prevent contracting them from you philandering hubby, denying him sex is a "valid and legal ground for divorce! Check it out  in the law books please!

4. The money: Please siphon the money you will need it ------ From what the OP wrote, l gather it is the man that is the bread winner of the family! He works and get paid into his account. How would you force him to part with the money you want to fitter into a safe box? If he is smart enough to keep Gf',l dont think he is that stewpid not to quickly recognize you are trying to pull a fast one!

5. Invest the money or keep it away for now. -------- The marriage is already suffering "cracks" but the quickest way to bulldoze it into oblivion is to give him a reason to think you're planning to dump him or take advantage of him (not that he will mind being dumped, as long as you dont try to play smart on his money or investments, which is the next line of action of most women in her shoes and believe me, men too are getting wiser by the day! Always looking out for the signs you described above! You will be surprised how quickly he will sell off his assets  (land, building) or go into unnecessary loans and ensure his account is always drained of cash! He can even begin to have assets in the GF's name, once he gets a hint of your plan-B! I have seen too many women destroy an otherwise "amenable' marital problem with this kind of 'bad advise".

6.  Remove emotion as much as possible , GF are expensive and if your kids are lacking then, the money again ----- Well, its a big risk when you turn the issue to a "war of Me Vs. Him". He will simply go into "defensive mode" and at that point, anything goes! Dont forget that men are not that stewpid, some of them are very smart and can be stubborn, just to prove a point!

7. He will want you to stay : divorces are expensive and child support is compulsory. --------- This is not always true! If it is in Nigeria, he can simply disappear into thin air and nothing go happen! It is is "abroad" he can simply transfer his "assets" (cash) down to his homeland and one day, move-on (as bad as it sounds), to avoid you being the beneficiary of his sweat (when push becomes shove) and never step foot in that particular country again. He might go say from U.K, to Canada or Argentina! and start a new life! Whose loose?

8. Demand the money : Your kids deserve it
so if you still love him put your foot down. Get a bigger mortgage for new baby , once he starts spending at home , it will dry up for GFS and they will sack him. No better way to do that then put the kids in  a private school, move into a bigger house, stand with a project expand the big house, Once there is no money for frivolities and so much on his hand , opportunity will be erased. -------  Are you going to force him to sign a "bigger mortgage" with you? If you say you want the kids to go private school and he says "No", are you going to o ahead and register them and then force him to pay? Even the Courts cant force him to put children in private school! Move to a bigger house?  C'mmon, lets give serious advice, if he works and pays the rent, how are you in a position to force him to move to a bigger house? One thing is, even a poor laborer doing menial jobs still finds time (and some coins), to run after Sikira that sells sweets and pure water!  Its NOT availability of funds alone that makes men cheat, its not even the most important factor, he will simply cut his coat according to his cloth afterall, there are always cheaper women along the rung of the ladder! if not so, then "poor people should not have been cheating on their spouses? Even the village farmer cheats!

Why did l write all these? (I am in no way in support of infidelity in a marriage, its hurts so much!)
'Cos l have seen too many women take the plunge (based on such advice s above) only to realize when it is too late (and impossible to go back!) that marriage break-up is not beans at all. It is a vicious fight of the sexes, the most dangerous kind of fight you can experience 'cos "the enemy" is within,one that knows you inside-out! One who is also the parent of your child! THINK TWICE before you ACT!

As for the Op, l will suggest you take things easy, have your baby (my prayers with you), talk to him with love and hopefully, he will "come back home". In most men, it is just a phase and will soon pass. Most men have done it, almost ll will do it at one stage of their life (Even that Pastor of Church of Shiloh thats always preaching against it, had 3 women with is children, at his burial! ).

While "Ethnic bashing" seems to have become a National Pastime for some peeps, let me say it is perfectly okay to vent your "hatred for your Nigerian brother", as long as you do it on internet without resorting to "physical harm" of any Nigerian!

Having said that, you would not be doing any "good Nigerian" any good, if you derail this thread by injecting such vituperations, at this stage.
There are many treads on NL where you can vent your spleen, go ahead and do so or even open one for yourself and we will join you!

As regards "Lagosians being called WEAKLINGS", that is far from the case; You only need to look at Lagos closely and you would understand why it is the way it is.
Lagos is like a 'small America'.
A place where ANYONE can have big dreams an those dreams can become reality!
*It is a place where an Igbo boy can pack his bag and head to and in a few years, with hard-work and dedication, he can become a millionaire!
*It is a place where an Hausa Man can join the train heading to Lagos, without a penny in his pocket. With hard-wrok, buying and selling from his small "mai-guard Kiosk", he can become the owner of a thriving Household goods Shop whose worth is in the millions! I've seen it over and over again!
*Lagos is the place where an Ibadan man who has never seen the walls of a class nor learnt any trade, but with hard-work and dedication plus long-suffering, "Baba Risikat" that started by helping out as a butcher, now kills and sells ten cows daily! And he's built his own house!

That my friends, is the beauty of Lagos!
While most "non-Lagosians" have not even dreamt of building a house in their village, they have struggled and put everything on the line, to build their first house in Lagos!
You have to be comfortable and at ease, to do such and identify with a strange place"!
This is the beauty of Lagos and ALL THE PEOPLE (Lagosians and non-Lagosisans) WHO LIVE IN LAGOS!

Lagos is the place where despite the horrific stories we hear from other parts of Nigeria, an Huasa man, and Igbo man and a Yoruba man all live under the same roof of a building: They all practice their religion and "yab" jocularly but dont cut each others throats (l know some bush people have tried to soil the beauty of Lagos at times). I've seen it and l am sure you all have seen it too!

Should Lagos and Lagosians not be commended for this attitude?
Should Lagosisans be derided for such exemplary show of "how a Nation should be", amongst its people?

Why do you think tat despite America's "political and foreign policies", even its enemies would not mind coming to live in America or get its citizenship? Its what makes the place and the diverse nature of its people!

That a few people whom Lagos welcomed with both hands are now trying to bite the finger that fed them and "[/b]Lagos did not cut their throat one-time",[b] is a testimony to the "maturity, enlightenment and cosmopolitan nature" of Lagos!

Fashola aside, Lagos is years ahead of every part of Nigeria (am not referring to physical infrastructure only, but in the over-all scheme of things: the big picture!).

Those who abuse the HOSPITALITY OF LAGOS are the criminals we must all come together and "weed out of the Lagos system".

Let us continue to encourage the kind of tolerance and hospitality that Lagos offers every Tope, Duchukwu and Haruna; That is the way forward for forward looking people. That is the future!

Go Lagos, Go "omo Eko", Go "ara-Eko", Go omo'luabis in Lagos.

Lastpage.

I came across this post by an aggreived Lagosian (a thorough-bred omo-eko as he described himself! ) and like before, l am still wondering whether ALL THESE ALLEGATIONS are contrived by PDP?
I am at a loss as to how PDP could paste all these on one man, just because he is in the opposition?
Could there be more to these allegations,? WHAT ABOUT THE "REAL NAME" story?
Is he really "born as Tinubu" or "born as Yekini Amoda Ogunlere"?
Is his "Origins" really from Lagos or Osun state?

@Omo Eko

: This dog from hell has not yet learnt his lesson. We real Lagosians will punish u, for stealing our state blind and We will have to go and check ur claim to the state, anyway jail-time awaits you soonest.
We will be the ones to write ur history in red biro. When this man called Tinubu dies, how do u write his biography when all he claims is a lie, from his mother’s identity, to his schools (from primary to university are all fake, like Toronto University!), his name is fake (his real names are: Yekini Amoda Ogunlere), to his Age, A drug addict, A Certificate forger and so on! His whole life is a fraud!
From humble beginnings with the likes of Herbert Macaulay, to a complete rogue of local and international acclaim!

From now on we shall screen anybody like hell, before we would allow them run for Governorship of Lagos so to make sure he is a real “omoluabi, omo eko”. No one like Tinubu will ever be allowed to slip under the radar again. This thief have spoilt the chance of other non lagosians in becoming Lagos governor bcuz we will no more be that accommodating.
We can see what it has cost us. That ailment he has is a result of his sins and the blood on hishands: From Funsho Williams , to Saka Saula, to Nuru Olowopopo, to Dipo Dina; just some of the people he murdered in other to have his way in Lagos Politics! You will pay and any real Lagosian that is loyal to u will also pay e.g Ikuforiji, ole Ajibole and that ur wife that u forced on Lagosians. We will recall the impostor soon ,she cannot represent Lagos.I rest my case for now

Hmmmmmm, wahala dey O!

Let us FOCUS on the "issues" at stake, NOT on Tinubu as "a person", not on PheeDeePhee or ACN as parties or on whether Yourbas need Tinubu to challenge PDP's hegemony in our polity!

Any sensible person, who is not a "contractor, beneficiary ar.se-licker" of PDP/ACN/Tinubu/Fashola should take the issues below and give us his/her unemotional position on the issues!

BTW: Avoid all the 'INSULTS and Swearing', it only shows "Bad Upbringing and presents you as "a waste of educational funds!" Only peeps who are "empty" and have nothing cogent to say, resort to abusing "anonymous posters" on the internet!

Here we go

Recently the public was awash with reports of the arrest of the of the Lagos House of Assembly Speaker, Hon. Adeyemi Ikuforiji, over allegations bordering on corruption and abuse of office.

The petitioner stated that Ikuforiji used his position as Speaker to collect a monthly running cost of N500 million on first line charge. In the last 14 months, he was said to have collected not less than N7 billion, which he has been funnelling abroad to buy properties through proxies and his automobile company called Brown Motors, located at 2, Mobolaji Bank-Anthony Way, Maryland, Ikeja Lagos, adding that Mr. Ikuforiji committed perjury by denying his record of conviction in his INEC forms submitted in 2007 and 2011, whereas he had been convicted twice in the United States, in 2001 and 2005.

Though the Speaker has been released from the EFCC’s custody, the allegation has not only dented his image in the political landscape, it has rubbished his posture on good governance and rule of law.

However, those who are in the know claimed that the Speaker could not have perpetrated the fraud without the support of the Lion of Bourdillon and godfather ofLagosStatepolitics, Asiwaju Bola Tinubu, who is facing corruption charges with ICPC for operating a foreign account while serving as the governor ofLagosState. The source who craves anonymity stated that the Speaker is remitting whopping sum of N200m to the former governor on a monthly basis just to secure his political future, especially his ambition to become the Lagos State governor.

This is not the first time the former governor would be mentioned in this kind of fraud-related act. It would be recalled that a group known as Concerned Citizens of Lagos had levelled allegations of corruption against the former governor, accusing him of grabbing lands ofLagosStateusing front and proxies that include the boss of Oando Petroleum, Wale Tinubu, and that he has so far converted over N500bn worth of land inLagos.

The group claimed that Tinubu used his position to acquire No 4 Oyinkan Abayomi (formerly Queen’s ) Drive, Ikoyi, a five-bedroom detached house on one acre of land, which was a Lagos State Governor’s guest house since 1979. The C of O was signed and released to him by Fashola in 2007 shortly after he assumed office. The property is valued at N450 million.

Also his residence at 26 Bourdillon Road, Ikoyi was initially falsely presented as Oando Plc guest house. Later, he purportedly bought it from Oando, and used public fund to rebuild and renovate it. Recently, theLagosStategovernment bought the property and paid an undisclosed sum to him and thereafter gave the property back to him under the bogus Pension Bill he signed to law shortly before he left office in 2007. The property is worth over N600 million

The annex of the LagosState Guest House in Asokoro, Abuja was bought by the State Government in 2006 for N450 [/b]million purportedly to protect the main house from security breach. Shortly after he left office,[b] the property was transferred to him under the pension plan he signed into law before he left office. Not only this, the 250 hectare land valued at about N35 billion strategically located at the Ajah junction on Lekki Road which was initially meant for a General Hospital for the people of Eti-Osa local government was stolen by Tinubu and handed over to Trojan Estate Ltd, a company owned by Deji and Wale Tinubu, to develop as Royal Garden housing estate at the expense of the tax payers of Lagos.

He is also said to have acquired 1,000 hectares of land valued at about N75 billion located at Abijo at Ibeju-Lekki LG and given it to LCC, which is part owned by Tinubu and Fashola and being developed as a golf course and housing estate by Assets and Resource Management Ltd (ARM).

A prime land of 157 hectares with 2.5km of Atlantic beachfront valued at about N10 billion was stolen by Tinubu from the communities of Siriwon, Igbekodo, Apakin, etc in Ibeju-Lekki LG and given to Ibukun Fakeye, his crony, to build a golf course and luxury villa with little or no compensation to the villagers. In addition, Tinubu paid $20 million (N3 billion) public funds to Ibukun Fakeye to commence the project in late 2006. Fashola has since released additional funding for this project, which is not owned by the state government.

A one-acre (6 Plots) Parkview, Ikoyi foreshore land valued at N1 billion reclaimed by LagosState Government is now owned by Bola Tinubu. While in office, he also allocated to himself the former Strabag yard beside theLagosStatesecretariat at Alausa, Ikeja.

Another is a choice property at Lekki-Epe road on which he built and owns the multi-billion naira Oriental Hotel [/b]and the extension of a multi-storey car park beside it. Also is the multi-level recreation centre by Mobil in Oniru Estate on Lekki-Epe road, which he jointly owns with ARM and Tunji Olowolafe. [b]All these assets valued at over N25 billion were obtained without paying a kobo to the Lagos State Government.

Tinubu and Fashola sold the following prime Lagos properties to their personal friend and front, Prince Dipo Eludoyin, at very ridiculous prices:

* The 3.8 hectares oflandofLagos State Fisheriesoffice in VI (beside theInstituteofOceanography) valued at N3 billion.

* The Fishery landing jetty at Badore (where the Ilubirin fishermen were to be relocated) valued at N500 million

* The entire Ogudu foreshore scheme initially earmarked for low cost housing scheme valued at N5 billion.

* The Ilubinrin housing estate (which used to houseLagosstate civil servants and judges up till 2007) valued at N2.5 billion.

* The former Julius Berger yard at Oko Orisan, Epe valued at N450 million

Tinubu raised a loan of N4.7 billion on Eko Akete Project on which nothing was achieved before he turned around to sell the property to his Chagouri friends of C & C and Hitech Construction Ltd at a ridiculously low price at the expense of the taxpayers ofLagos.

Tinubu expended over N5 billion ofLagostax payers’ money on the Bar-Beach shoreline project and no further work has been done by the concessionaire to develop the Atlantic City project which was claimed to have been over-subscribed. It is suspected that the N5 billion will soon become a complete waste given the temporary nature of the shoreline protection. [b]The Federal Government in 2005 offered to handle this project at no cost to Lagos but Tinubu refused because of his personal interest and greed.[/b]

Tinubu applied to personally purchase the Federal Secretariat building while in office. When he couldn’t get to buy it, he directed Fashola to stop the eventual owner of the complex from developing it. The complex is presently wasting away courtesy of the Lagos State government.

It took several months of horse-trading and underhand payments before Gov Fashola could allow the new owners of 1004 flats to redevelop the complex.

Several other buyers of Federal Government properties and developers in Ikoyi, VI and GRA Ikeja were forced to succumb to the outrageous demands of Tinubu, Fashola, Commissioner Abosede and other officials of the Lagos State Physical Planning Ministry and were made to pay ridiculous amounts into private accounts before their redevelopments were approved. Those who refused or were unable to pay could not develop their properties. This is a major economic strangulation of property developers and has contributed largely to the skyrocketing rents in Ikoyi, VI and Lekki axis.

Tinubu is said to have converted all the plots of land where Lagos Polytechnic was located at Ikosi near the old toll gate. He chased away the polytechnic in 2006 and went ahead to locate the choice plots to himself, his cronies and political associates.
The headquarters of Television Continental (TVC) which is owned by him is located there. He deprived the youths of Lagos of decent education because of his greed.

Tinubu single-handedly sold the prime land on Aboyade Cole, VI that was recovered from some allottees, to UACN Properties Plc. The amount of the proceeds is shrouded in secrecy

Use of land and properties to buy favours from public officials

This is an act of using Lagos prime land to buy favours and corrupt public officials. This act was perfected by Bola Tinubu as governor and has now been inherited by Gov Fashola.

Several prominent Nigerians in the judiciary, police, INEC, and other sensitive agencies have obtained prime land from Tinubu and Gov. Fashola over the years without paying a kobo. Many of them had turned around to sell the land to third parties at substantial profit.

Many top officials in the police, INEC and the judiciary who participated in the 2003 and 2007 elections and tribunals in states where Tinubu has interest were compromised with parcels of free prime Lagos land and cash. If the Lagos State Lands Bureau could publish the names and identities of beneficiaries of land from year 2000 to date, the scandal that would result is better imagined. Gbenga Ashafa and Mrs. Awofisayo are the conduit through which these acts are being perpetuated. Both are also personally involved in various dubious land transactions on their own.

Prime land and properties have been used to pay off public officials who are personally close to Tinubu and Fashola for ‘job well done’ or for being privy to sensitive information.

* Dele Alake, former commissioner for Information and Strategy, was sold a whole house onAlexander Road, Ikoyi where he lived as official quarters at a giveaway price.

* Rauf Aregbesola, AC Osun State governor, also got a detached house at Ladoke Akintola st, GRA Ikeja for the “good job” he did while serving under Tinubu.

* Yemi Cardoso and Wale Edun, both former commissioners, were sold houses on Iru Close, and other locations in old Ikoyi at giveaway prices by Tinubu. The list is endless.

Gov Fashola was Tinubu’s Chief of Staff from 2002 to 2007. He was a part of these scams, running errands for his boss to perpetrate these corrupt acts. He has since taken over as governor and has continued with these acts.

Gov Fashola in the wake of the petition against him presented by “The True Face of Lagos” to the House of Assembly, succeeded in buying his way out of trouble, albeit temporarily, by bribing each of the 40 members with cash and prime state land at Abijo GRA, off Lekki-Epe road. In addition, he bought a N40 million bullet-proof jeep for the Speaker in a desperate bid to ward off investigation by the Assembly.

These corrupt acts have deprived the taxpayers ofLagosbillions of naira which could have been used for public projects. Indeed, the prime land stolen from the Lekki axis is enough to build the Lekki-Epe road without burdening residents and other taxpayers with a 30-year concessional toll road.

These and other allegations are what Tinubu is going to strive to exonerate himself from, especially in his current trial by the Code of Conduct.

Did l hear somebody say "There is no smoke without Fire"?!

This Country stinks!.,.,.,., OF TOO MUCH CORRUPTION!

@Logba

Fashola or whoever needs to check the excesses of Tinubu. It is no doubt that he(Tinubu) is a talented and brilliant leader. But greed and totalitarianism should not be part of the game. Lagos is already boiling because of the imposition of LG chairmen in the coming October elections. It is always the same story. I mean this thing should have a democratic face if people must benefit from it.

18Billion per month to one company ? Few companies bank make such as profit per annum in Nigeria. It has to stop.

Regards

IS ABC the "ONLY COMPANY" that can collect TAX in Lagos State?
Why imposed your own company (when you're the Governor) on the state or dont we see a "conflict of interest" in such imposition?
Add "imposition" of his wife as ACN Senator, His in-law and the [b]"Mafioso-Racket" PROTECTION MONEY [/b]all these imposed office holders have to pay him every month, to the equation!

How then can we have MORE MEANINGFUL development, when "one man" is buying up the whole state, with stolen/racket funds?

Naaah, its unbearable!

This recurring issue of "Plea-bargain" has been abused by our corrupt Politicians and the govt agencies who are supposed to prosecute them.

It seems it is now more profitable to loot the nation dry and then do a 10% 'plea-bargain' with the anti-corruption agencies!
Thats the new strategy!

Of-course, simple mathematics tells me you will keep and be 90% richer (based on how huge your loot is) while the Anti-Corruption's Boss will have 10% of the loot to share amongst themselves!

The only looser's are the Nigerian citizens!

That is why we dont give a hoot "whose horse is gored" or "by whose hands" the gorging is coming from!

From theiving Banker-CEO's, to thieving Sin-nators, to thieving Ministers and thieving Political Executives, our ONLY PRAYER is hat they turn on themselves like mad dogs so we can finish-off the remnants, at the apportioned time!

Shameless Leaders Criminals in power!

Having followed this thread so far, it is becoming even more obvious that those clamoring that Tinubu "should not have his day in court" like all law-abiding citizens, are either Political jobbers/ Contractors or just doing so based on primordial tribal sentiments!

justice should be equal.thats why it is called justice.however in a case where justice is been selectively applied,then the aim of justice has been defeated.justice should either be applied across board and if it won't be,it shouldn't be applied at all.as they say,he who comes to equity must come with clean hands.

In the first place, "Justice" has never been applied equally, in history!
Justice only SEEKS EQUITY! Even God does not and has not been applying justice equally! Did HE not say "A", I lobe, "B", I hate?
Go through all the "religious books" and you will observe that God, in certain circumstance, for certain purpose, did apply His Justice 'selectively'.
David the King should have been dead a long time, if Justice was "always applied equally", going by his atrocities!

Again, "Crime against the State/People, has no statute of limitation, so if in 20yrs time, one Govt came into power and unearths hard evidence which shows that IBB stole our "Gulf oil windfall" or that OBJ used cronies to steal 15Billion meant for power project, (if that Govt has the Political will), it is perfectly in order to charge them to court, to have "their day", in  an open and fair trial!
It is very criminal to say someone should not be "charged to court" to clear their name, simply because he belongs to the opposition party or he is Yoruba! Habba!!

Tam David west is definitely not on my list of noble men but i believe he has been trying over the years to potray himself as an unbiased statesman.whether he is or not is not for me to say,but in this case,he has spoken the mind of me and a lot of other nigerians

You see, this is the same "selective Justice" you're against!
We all know the "history" of our Dear David West, under the military regime!
But when he says 'something you agree with', you agree with him, despite your inner convictions about his "questionable Nobility"!
That my friend, is "selective decision making", based on convenience!

But that is not the issue here.
THE ISSUE IS THAT EVERY ACCUSED PERSON SHOULD BE BROUGHT BEFORE A COURT WITH JURISDICTION IN AND OPEN / FAIR TRIAL.

whether that person is Yoruba, Igbo or Hausa, Whether that person is PheeDeePhee or ACN or Boko Haram, NIGERIANS DONT GIVE A HOOT!

Every "convicted criminal" belonged in Jail, "Bode George status" or not
Trying to play the "ethnic angle" does not wash anymore.

BAT is a self-imposed "leader of some chop-i-chop Yorubas". Not the real Yorubas.

@Bluetooth

We have bigger thievies in yorubaland to deal with.Why can't Obj,Oyinlola,daniel,segun oni,Akala be arrested ? Or are you saying these yoruba pdp politicians are better than Tinubu ? I know Daniel used to stay abroad before he became governor,what happened to his foreign account ? Were they liquidated or he kept them as a governor ?

You've said well and everything you said is TRUE and worth reflecting on!
The "End" they say, justifies the "means"!

If the "End" in this case, is to reduce the number of criminals in our polity by just "one figure", as a common man, we dont really care about the "means", as long as justice is fairly served ina court of law!

What is happening reminds me of the same scenario in Russia when the oil billionaire owner of Yukov Oil company (can recall his name now) tried to use his wealth to upstage the "Putin Apple cart"!
This guy was among those that benefited, albeit corruptly, from the USSR implosion (Perestroika and Glasnot). He made money but when he tried to use that same ill-gotten money to "challenge Power", those with "state Power" deployed it mercilessly against him:
Today, he is in jail for Tax evasion & fraud.

Same scenario played out when OBJ was in power and some Governors tried to upstage him in 2003, for his second term!
he simply "brought out their corruption dossier/file" and asked Ribadu to inform them to make a choice!
Some got the message, while some did not!

Tinubu "is alleged" to be very corrupt but if and when he tries to use that "profit from corruption" to cause headache for a sitting President/Government.,.,.,
They would simply "dust his own dossier/file" and remind him that "those who live in Glass houses dont throw stones""!

But like l said, from the common man's point of view, we dont give hoot!
All we see is "minus one thief"! (if he is one )
and we chorus: NEXT, WHO IS NEXT!