₦airaland Forum

Magnoliaa:
No where did you say you were speaking for yourself when you made that statement. You said it's common sense and addressed a 'you.' Even if that's true for you, you presented as if it's a general thing that works always.

I only hold brief for sane people, and I don't join issue with small-minded people, so look for your ilk elsewhere.

Goodbye, until when you overcome small-mindedness.

Magnoliaa:
I guess this is why I choose Uduak - @bolded.


Your last sentence, not really true. You can spend time with someone and still not be beneficial to them, yes, even if you're 'in love.'

Once more, we differ person to person conceptually, biologically and ethically. So, your last statements do not hold water as far as I'm concerned, speak for yourself. I can't spend my precious time with someone without being immensely beneficial to her, especially when I'm in love with her.

By the way, spending time with someone may not always be in physical form.

@OP

I concur. However, some women - greedy (or self-centered or selfish) and conceited women - are so unlovable that they can/do easily mistake every good deed (done to them) as either an attempt to maintain ego, perfect exploitation or a sign of weakness. And this is so because they always see their reflection in others - cynicism and derision are evil.

There can never be an objective answer to a question like this - the answer will be subjective - because our love languages differ from person to person.

Personally, in a scenario like this, the one I spend more time is automatically the one I'm in love with - even though I may love all of them. Of course, it's common sense that the more time you spend with someone you're in love with, the more beneficial you'll be to her.

You can only know if you personify love.

missjo:
Lmao
This is the thing with some of you and how you give the real equality activists a bad name. I only came here to let some of yous know there are hardline feminists just as there are hardliners in mgtow and all i get are insults from the group of feminist practitioners here.lol, i was warned about this anyway.
Ladies who have never organized or participated in equality marches or given speeches suddenly call me anti-feminist.

I can not deal with you guys.
Until you learn the difference between social issues and cultural issues and how what you have in Africa is a cultural problem which a social western invention like feminism will never cure,you will not make progress in eliminating gender inequality. This is something some of us actively work on in our little way.
Same goes for the mgtow boys supporting a misplaced ideological position.

You all deserve each other honestly.

More grease to your elbow. There's no difference between proponents and practitioners of mgtow and wannabe feminists (and their apologists) - the real feminists have no problem. They're simply people who've psychological, moral and emotional baggage. Bunch of chauvinistic and hypocritically disingenuous elements - they (all) personify subjugation/have penchant for subjugation.

Your brother is sensitive to negative energy in particular and stress in general - so, he has no disorder literally. His actions and inactions have nothing to do with introversion, low self-esteem or any mental disorder.

Meanwhile, continual abuse of his goodwill and/or liberty by anyone or at any point in time will only make him more detached from the abuser(s). He has phobia for domineering and greedy people. You and your family members in particular should avoid meting out negative acts like guilt tripping, success-shaming and subjugation in general against him, if you don't want him to become more detached to you than he's already.

He's a sucker for positive energy, so only a libertarian and an altruist can command his intimate relationship/association. Believe you me, he may be one of the happiest people in the world because it takes a thorough independent - emotionally, psychologically, with or without morally and financially, emancipated - person to live his kind of lifestyle.

Genuine love will conquer him at the appropriate time. So far, he's in the carefree plane - carefreeness doesn't mean absence of empathy.

What I deduced from your submission in particular and references in general is that religion is an object of subjugation truly.

Well, for all I care and know, respect is a major constituent of love (goodness) and it doesn't discriminate. It's earned, not given, politeness and self-esteem beget it - I only hold brief for people who're sane.

Right without responsibility denotes mental parochialism in particular and insanity in general - so, a leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. Leadership/to lead is all about assuming responsibility.

In summary, conscientiously - not neither logically nor realistically - there's nothing wrong with married women who believe that the way they act should be dependent on how they're treated by their husbands (the supposed heads/spiritual heads of the house). Once more, a leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way.

He who comes into equity must come with clean hands.

Two things are involved, he's either anosmatic or the other parties are malicious.

fortune1968:
Independent woman ? Then what does she do with the money she should be making from her own work ? I think an independent woman should be working too . This one is obviously greedy and selfish

It's obvious that you quoted the wrong person, because you neither know the genesis of my submission nor understand it.

Bbbwings:
Kindly join the queue.
We are many on her case

Lol. What God has joined together, let no one separate. She's married.

Truth is that, she's the real definition of an independent/strong-minded woman. Strength of character, not money, is what makes one independent - this doesn't invalidate the importance of money in any way.

bukatyne:
What is the definition of upkeep money?

1. Money to run the home only i.e. food, bills, clothing etc
2. No 1 above + her private pocket money

If 1, the husband is right to be angry because except he is very rich, the money would be barely enough so excess should be declared so proper budgeting and allocating of funds done. He would however be funny if there is no provision for personal allowance for his wife and he expects her to return the excess.

If 2 and your sister doesn't shortchange the home to increase her savings, the husband should tell us what is really biting him.

You aren't just a healthy living advisor extraordinaire, you're also an icon of fairness.

Kudos.

She has histrionic personality disorder - in fact, let her parents know that she has an elder sister who's a Nairalander, lol. In the next few years, she'll start to heat-up the cyberspace - a forum like this in particular - with her chauvinism. Actually, if they take her to 100 religious homes, they all will proclaim her an ogbanje or witch, although her condition is closely related to them, but she's none of the two.

Her condition isn't curable, but very manageable. She won't really be able to help herself much. She personifies "self and self-interest" and I know she's very hyperactive - trickishness/slyness, hypocrisy, sexual suggestiveness and attention-seeking will be some of her major hallmark. Her condition will get worse as she grows older with some achievements in her arsenal.

She's a child with special need and needs a special care to bring the best out of her always. However, her "win no matter which way/expedient/contentious and prideful mentality/nature" will make her susceptible to depression and suicide. She'll always experience depression and entertain the thought about suicide anytime she encounters more failure than success in the journey of life. Of course, she can kill at the slightest provocation/imaginary betrayal wittingly or unwittingly. Genuine happiness and peace of mind are/will be luxuries she can't afford. Her type usually gains temporary equivalent of happiness and peace of mind at any point in time when they succeed in ruining/defeating others (real or assumed opponents) in any cause, because they've great delight in others misfortune.

It's only a genuine authority (I didn't say neither a dictator nor a sycophant), one who practically understands her condition and has altruistic interest in her, who'll help her maintain balance always - such an authority must be ready to tolerate a lot from her because her type has phobia for decorum and dictatorship. Better if she finally develops altruistic interest in the authority figure.

With the right education and continual management by the authority figure in her advanced life, the sky will be starting point in many things for her. She needs/will always need all the genuine love in this world with its benefits from any authority figure in her life at any point in time to maintain saneness and experience true happiness and peace of mind.

Once more, she's neither an ogbanje, witch, psychopath nor sociopath. She has histrionic personality disorder. Only genuine love of an established authority can conquer her and help her maintain saneness always.

bukatyne:
Hahahahahahahaha

You did not answer my question joor.

Foremost, I take the ex/wife here to mean a greedy woman who's bargaining power (offspring of the union) - so, it's not just about a woman/being a woman - while the man is a good (non-toxic) man. Well, for a greedy woman (man) it's always about self-interest and the dominion, sanity or dignity of the other person, with this you can see that her insatiableness will automatically make it impossible for her not to badmouth him, even after giving his best.

It's better to dine directly with the devil than to dine with a person who's greedy for both power and money who has bargaining power - such a person is akin to a psychopath. S/he is personification of danger.

I don't see anything wrong with your choice, provided that both of you are mutually in sync and altruistic with/to each other - love is real.

Living life at the periphery of conventionalism - like in your case - entails owning and wearing a garb of thick skin always. Get yours if you wish to surmount the necessary obstacles in the cause of towing the path.

bukatyne:
I need a dictionary for this.

The OP is a direct post I made on a thread about headship that's why some of the paragraphs would seem out of place on this thread.

For some strange reason, the bold command wasn't working in the OP so I resulted to enlarging the portion I wanted to highlight.

1. If a father provides (according to the OP) for his children, how would his embittered ex /wife badmouth him?

Lol, make you no vex, as I come de look am now it come be like say I don spoil your thread, but no be my plan be dat. I hope you dey fine.

I can't be caught in the midst of two women where at least one of them doesn't typify deference in the first place - deference isn't a sign of weakness but that of strength - because prevention will always remain better than cure.

So in a scenario like this, it's the one who typifies deference between them who'll automatically save the situation without my intervention. Deference is the major hallmark of a selfless person.

The following assertion can only hold true if the woman is sane, content and humble; "If a man plays the role of a father as he should, it would be near impossible for his wife/ex to paint him bad." - a subjugator/one who's penchant for subjugation can never be satiable.

Meanwhile, headship veto remains infinite provided that the holder remains alive and lives above expediency. Headship/spiritual head is all about living on principle rather than expediency (living at the periphery of expediency) - a head/leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. So, I don't agree with this "I am sure that is where the agreement of our definition of headship ends." - provided that the aforementioned standard remains sacrosanct on his part. Failure to acknowledge infiniteness of headship in this regard is a recipe for disharmony.

On "the unquestionable demigod persona Nigerian people keep painting in alignment of the Bible." It's little or nothing to do with one's worldview/religious leaning, but it's everything to do with one's mental state in particular and ethical leanings in general - spiritualism remains different from religion. The biblical record of the character "Christ Jesus" was that of a principled entity rather than a religious one.

In summary:

- Goodness (love and submissiveness) can't mutually take place where insanity, greed and conceitedness are present in the life of either one or both parties.

- Toxicity/subjugation knows no gender.

- Self-conquest (of the listed vices) is the only recipe for harmony - mutual goodness breeds harmony.

Smh! Stop justifying your poor choice and discontent with the gloss of rationality.

I concur, the submission is rational.

@OP

If you can't spend joyfully and selflessly on a woman with whom you're in love and relationship - one who's selfless interest in you, of course - I wonder who else you'll spend joyfully and selflessly. There's no justification for stinginess.

You'll always find three kinds of women (and men) everywhere in the world:

- The selfless (non-materialistic) person
- The parasitic person
- The materialistic person

So, bad things aren't exclusively Nigerian/African/Black thing. Small-mindedness neither knows race nor gender.

The right woman will bring you something money can't buy - that which can make you accumulate unlimited wealth than you can ever imagine and conquer the world with ease, under normal circumstances - positive energy. Never underestimate the efficacy of positive energy in the pursuit of material things in particular and fulfilment in general.

Love is the greatest thing in this world.

sisisioge:
I hope you don't kill yourself but Sniper is still very much around. Stay alive fa.

Make you use your church mind help the OP solve ihm small problem nah! OP na wetin you want make she do for you?

Balderdash! The reason anyone would marry (stay married) another person s/he can't entrust his life in particular and resources in general is beyond me.

If you can't tell what will be minute - present and at least near future - action and inaction of any human being you've direct or indirect contact with after few days of close contact, then you need to focus on working on yourself first before entertaining thoughts about relationship/marriage.

Small-mindedness doesn't know gender. There're still morally and psychologically bankable wo/men out there, strive and make yourself one and do the needful based on the same leanings.

....

Gifting (money or other material things) is good, however, it's the least representation of selflessness - because people who're greedy for power/other people's dominion and possession do give too, albeit with masked intentions. Greek gift exists.

Deference, where and when necessary, is the basic hallmark of altruism. It's the best gift always. It takes one who's self-esteem (polite) to defer for another person.

Respect doesn't discriminate, it's just. Any polite person with self-esteem will always command respect of other sane people. It's earned not given.

Politeness and self-esteem beget respect.

MariaLavina:
Like you can even do that . Please continue with your English, don't force us to create a Yoruba dictionary.

Yoruba Iyanu

MariaLavina:
Lol , sometimes the way you write is like you are angry with some imaginary being.Your grammar makes you sound to serious.

Na ihm be say I go begin de write in Yoruba language because na ihm be my favorite.

AntiBrutus:
Mtcheeeew.

Kati kati!!!

Milady, make you come interpret dis your "kati kati" words for me and tell me why you come de "Mtcheeeew."

Where art thou pocohantas!

MariaLavina:
Who are you fighting with?

Lol, fight ke! With who and for what? My submissions on a subject like this have always been generic (gender-neutral) and that's why I intentionally used slash and interchanged the genders.

I resemble H2O, I no get enemy.

HarunaWest:
You were wrong to leave with the kids..Remember both of you are to cater for them..You should have had a heart to heart talk with him and Inform him of your decision Before hand...The fact that he doesn't have sex with you means he is having it with someone else....The sudden despise he has for you has probably stemmed from something that you did or you do. If I were you try to talk to him one more time with both parents present so you can find a way,buh if he is still unwilling, move on.

This assertion "The sudden despise he has for you has probably stemmed from something that you did or you do." isn't always true . . . good thing you said probably.

@OP, the actions and inactions of your husband typify that of a man who's achieved self-realization and has failed to handle the reality - past, present and future choices - before him well. You need a whole lot of diplomacy to handle the situation since it's obvious that you're dealing with . . . man. Somethings are better left unsaid in a situation like this.