₦airaland Forum

Actions and inactions of a subjugable person shouldn't be mistaken for kindness. Any sane mind out there - like the character of the woman in this story - would agree that truly such actions and inactions drain and do not renew energy in the long run. Only small-minded people - people who have penchant for subjugation - can enjoy such actions and inactions from another human being. Only three-force balance human actions and inactions can renew any sane person's energy always.

To be subjuable is as bad as to be a subjugator/toxic.

Balderdash. Pernicious act of a contriver doesn't automatically make him smart; it simply means he's hypocritically disingenuous.

Majority are at best conceited and greedy.

You've a very low IQ. Conceit is God's gift to small-minded people like you.

Bye-bye.

Mikolion87:
You are the one who mentioned "church", I never did.. Spirituality as used in this context connotes virtues (fruits of the spirit like Kindness, Love, Humility, self-control etc).

My brother, your so-called "synchronization" will begin to suffer the moment you can't provide money for your children's school fees. Now this is reality. Realism is not an enemy, it is a genuine an empirical mirror to guide you adequately in making life's decisions.

Also, the moment you start maltreating your partner, the "synchronization" will dwindle..

Not to rule out your sense of humor, Charisma, Looking fit and healthy.... etc

To pretend that these things do not matter is to deceive oneself.

Ask yourself, would you have approached your partner if she was a dirty orange hawker without any hygiene? Be sincere... It might even take some Spiritual might to want to start something serious with such a person, but would that "synchronization" exist if she continues in the same unhygienic state?

You now see why romantic love can never be "unconditional".

And no, I'm not perfect, I have not claimed to have it all... The difference between the both us is that I take reality for what it is (whether bitter or not) and I try to continually improve myself and keep learning.. There's no end to Knowledge.

Mikolion87:
I don't too bro.. The earlier you shun all these grammar and face life realistically, the nearer you'll be at finding happiness.

let me reiterate again, "There's no "romantic love" that is never conditional.

Knowing this bitter reality should make a man sit up and keep improving himself (so also the ladies too), rather than waiting for someone to accept you "unconditionally".

Thank you.

There's something called sync (synchronization). Truth is that genuine romantic love/two people who're specially meant to be for each other are usually in sync with each other, irrespective of where/how/when they meet. The connection is usually inexplicable, so it's beyond logic as I said - spiritualism is real. Bar greed and conceit, life can be so simple and sweet for everybody.

The funny thing with people like you who've this logical and transactional mindset about romantic relationship/love is that you hardly have what it takes to compete effectively.

A man (woman) doesn't need to improve himself for the sake of finding the special person, he does because it's the right thing to do - if one needs church before doing good, he simply needs to embrace a change of ethical leanings. I hope you'll be able to connect that assertion with the matter under discussion. Lol.

Once more, logic (realism) has never been the ideal language of any healthy romantic (interpersonal) relationship - you get the real language by balancing altruism with conscientiousness, while abhorring nonsense. Logic is for commercial business.

I don't have spare time for rhetorics.

Mikolion87:
Mind you, Love has several dimensions..

The love you have for your mother or family, your fellow humans is called "Agape Love". That is "Unconditional". That is the Love we believe the Creator loves us with.

However, there's another form of love ("romantic love" ). That is dependent on a lot of qualities (both spiritual and physical).. I'm speaking REALISTICALLY from numerous experiences (not just mine alone).

Such physical qualities as your sense of humor, your fashion sense , money, your Charisma, Confidence, your smell etc etc, have been known to play a role in ATTRACTING women (to the men), and of course the Spiritual qualities are also needed to solidify trust and love.

Men also have physical qualities they get attracted to in the females..

From Reality, "Romantic Love" is dependent on the interplay between the Physical and Spiritual qualities all given in the right proportion and time.

The lack of any at a particular time can affect the relationship in varying degrees.. So can never be said to be "Unconditional".

Sane people have always loved unconditionally - first rule of peace and happiness is having them within self because one can only give what s/he has. However, unconditionality of love doesn't invalidate conditionality of falling in love and staying in love - give and take. The give and take are never about "self" when interest/intention is genuine.

You don't gain peace of mind based on what the other party can give you, you gain it because such a party is true to you and to himself/herself.

Logic (realism) has never been the ideal language of any healthy romantic relationship - you get the real language by balancing altruism with conscientiousness, while abhorring nonsense.

Mikolion87:
I have not justified materialism, but have brought to the fore the bitter realities we face..

But to be realistic enough, "Romantic love" is never "unconditional". It has always been about "give and take". Knowing this bitter truth should guide a wise man in equipping himself the more to conquer..

The problem most people have is they'd rather be 'idealistic' than 'realistic'..

It's immoral to justify materialism in any guise as your OP connoted, that's my point. Your reply is in order.

Mikolion87:
I have never in essence agreed or advised that you go for a materialistic woman (whatever that means to you).

If you have regurgitated the post well enough, you'll understand that having a knowledge about something must not transcend to indulging in such.

I have talked about meeting the right kind of women (not "empty headed slay queens" ), by that I mean those who have nothing positive to offer you.

My intention for this writeup is to change the mentality (in my own little way) that Love is not a 'scam' as many already believe. I have observed that when we Play by certain Realistic Rules of life, we stand a Chance of being Happy.

@OP

It's immoral to justify materialism in any guise. You, just like many others, do not really understand what materialism/being materialistic is. The worst thing about materialistic people isn't really the fact that they're greedy (hypocritical, disingenuous and arrogant), rather it's the fact that they place materialism above spiritualism (principle) - I don't hold brief for religious proponents and practitioners.

Being a lover of good things and having/acquiring the necessary ones within one's capacity and to a reasonable length isn't materialism - minimalism/non-materialism doesn't mean abhorrence of good things.

Materialism is as bad as parasitism - they know no gender - say no to materialism, say no to parasitism.

Everyone must not be either toxic or subjugable - there's a third force; humaneness. You lot should have a change of mentality - peace and happiness don't cost much.

The worst thing about materialistic people isn't really the fact that they're greedy (hypocritical, disingenuous and arrogant), rather it's the fact that they place materialism above spiritualism (principle) - I don't hold brief for religious proponents and practitioners.

Being a lover of good things and having/acquiring the necessary ones within one's capacity and to a reasonable length isn't materialism - minimalism/non-materialism doesn't mean abhorrence of good things.

Materialism is as bad as parasitism - they know no gender - say no to materialism, say no to parasitism.

Antibrutus/pocohantas, where art thou milady! As a man of my word, the appropriate time has come. Since we couldn't agree in principle, I've decided to give you the right of first refusal on your own terms:

Let me know if you've a direct access to at least three heads of state. Or, if you worth at least a billion, either directly or indirectly.

There're still few other options though, you know what to do nah, lol.

#I'VE.BECOME.A.SOCIAL.CLASS.PROPONENT.AND
.PRACTITIONER - courtesy of the wise, selfless and humble one.

You don't have to discard her - provided that her presence in your life gives you peace of mind - instead, you need to work smarter than you have done so far. Conscientiousness doesn't invalidate altruism - just as liberty doesn't invalidate conscientiousness. She deserves your faithfulness. You don't gain peace of mind based on what the other party can give you, you gain it because such a party is true to you and to himself/herself.

She has to stop exploiting her ex though.

Cynicism - which is the major hallmark of selfish, self-centered and greedy people. The most irritating act about anyone who possesses any one of these ignoble attributes, isn't the fact that his/her interest in you will be based on the material things you possess/can give, but because s/he will equally believe and will be so delusionally convinced that your interest in him/her is based on the material things he possesses too, thereby subjecting you to abuse through acts of suspicion/distrust wittingly or unwittingly.

Truly, a beheader can never allow knife to pass through her back, lol.

Cynicism breeds derision - to be cynical is to be derisive.

Materialism is as bad as parasitism - say no to parasitism, say no to materialism.

Raalsalghul:
I know you are wise and mature, but kindly tone down on the grammar please.

No mind me, na my weird way of recharging and/or unwinding.

This occurrence is a perfect representation of the figure of speech (phrase) "when the chips are down." It's only when the chips are down like this that one will accept the reality that only ethical class is the real class and that there's no need for marriage where interest isn't mutually altruistic between both parties directly involved. Altruism isn't just the soul of love/friendship/oneness, it's equally the hallmark of good ethics. The inconsequential immaterial thing that matters the most - the best of attributes.

Only an altruistic person (a selfless woman/thoughtful man) can give another (person) faithfulness which is required in a situation like this. Loyalty will always end where self-serving benefits stop or become unappealing - the evil of prioritizing social/economic class and consideration mainly/solely based on physical beauty/handsomeness - but faithfulness will not because it's the major hallmark of altruism, it doesn't expect/depend on self-serving benefit. Faithfulness remains superior to loyalty, so immaterial things (good attributes) over material things (money/physical possessions) as first/main consideration, any day and any time.

Your brother married a woman who had no altruistic interest towards him. It's possible that he too didn't have altruistic interest towards her. Any marriage that material and/or physical thing is the bond that brought/holds the couple can't be a peaceful and happy one mutually, whether it lasts or not is irrelevant.

Materialism is as bad as parasitism - say no to parasitism, say no to materialism.

MizyB:
Do you mind stating the difference(s)?

- Love (the big love/goodness); foremost, love is unchangeable - but people do change. So, every sane person loves others unconditionally - this is achieved by striving to be conscientious and altruistic always. Altruism and conscientiousness are for checks and balances in the context I used them/have always used them, so they aren't interwoven. Love in its bundle remains an action - it's encompassing.

- Falling in love; this, however, is subjective/for self-serving interest. So, the overwhelming emotional feelings from one or more of the constituents of the big love above (emotional feelings like, fancy, lust, admiration, respect, benefit, etc) is what falling in love is all about and it's subjective depending on each individual's mentality. To some people, it could be because the opposite interest is morally sound, physically beautiful/handsome, financially buoyant, intelligent, etc - this explains the reason people fall in and out of love. This by extension means that Individual's love language differs, it can be material things or immaterial things (immaterial things are always inconsequential, but to some they're things that matter). This breeds leanings.

- Staying in love; this will always depend on the abilities of the parties involved to continually maintain the opposite party's love language as I mentioned above. This means one must always strive to maintain that which attracted the other party - this is why relationship is work. So, going into a serious relationship with someone who doesn't share same leanings with you/someone who hasn't achieved self-realization/someone who hasn't conquered himself is dangerous.

So, unconditionality of love doesn't invalidate conditionality of falling in love and staying in love. And once the condition of falling in love is mutually based on immaterial things (attribute) it's assumed genuine/sustainable love - because attribute is innate. Anyone who falls in love with you (and vice versa) because of material things mainly or solely, is a frenemy that can ruin you at any given time.

It takes an undiscerning and/or greedy person to suffer a heartbreak/to be used, so:

- It's possible to walk the walk without being burnt/hurt

- It's possible to give everything in a relationship without losing anything in the end - it's called losing honorably, any real altruist will understand me well

- A healthy relationship is one where both parties involved are mutually happy and have their individual inner peace always

- It's possible to leave a relationship without becoming toxic afterward

Love is real.

MizyB:
Hello LordKO, Is there a difference between the two?

Yes.

ImaIma1:
What did I generalize about in my comment?

Refer to that your post I quoted.

ImaIma1:
The problem here is the guys trying to guilt-trip ladies to think that they can only find happiness marrying a poor guy. And that marrying a rich guy makes them golddiggers, leeches, etc.

Generalization is the mother of all nonsense, stop it. What most of us are saying is that, anyone who places financial standing above ethical standing in choosing a life partner - choice/liberty doesn't mean absence of conscientiousness - automatically personifies everything bad ethics. The only real class I know is ethical class, any other class is superficial - because it's the class that money can't buy. There's everything wrong with money and power conscious mindset (materialism) - that's called self-unconquered greed.

Realistically, there's nothing wrong with anyone (man or woman) who wishes to marry/find love where there's money - most people who have money are equally of good ethical leanings. However, good ethics have no better alternative. This is the point.

Any consideration that places material thing above immaterial thing (attribute) is evil. An economically poor person today can become an economically buoyant person within the next few days, all things being equal. But it's almost impossible for anyone with poor ethics to make such transformation, especially when it becomes strongly rooted in one's system. Greed for anything - be it money or power/other people's dominion - is personification of evil, I say.

Foundation remains the most important aspect of any structure. Love (goodness) over money, any day and any time. A man who loves you, whom you have what it takes (good ethics) to make him fall in love with you and remain in love with you, can move mountains for you, with or without money (better if he has money). I don't expect most of you women to understand this because one can't give what s/he isn't meant to give naturally, even when s/he has it innately. Truly, love is the man's forte, while submissiveness is the woman's forte - when goodness changes its form for mutuality to take place between a man and woman in marriage or serious romantic relationship.

But a man who has money and loves you, one who isn't in love with you just because you don't have the good ethics to make him fall in love with you and stay in love with you, can trade you for just a drink when the chips are down. When a man knows that you are with him for money, and other material/physical things, know that you're in a danger zone.

AntiBrutus:
And for the ladies, if you are earning something and can give yourself a life better than this...do not be blackmailed into settling down for this.

If you want to do it, let it be totally because you want to.

There are few Nigerian men that are not driven by their egos, the majority are. So, know that a man's ego will always get in the way. Even in the way of his blessings.

There are also four identified classes in Nigeria. Don't let any statistician deceive you into thinking they are just two and as such you shouldn't have a choice if you don't belong to those two. We have the LOW, WORKING, MIDDLE CLASS and ELITE CLASS.

Forget Nigerian film, you will hardly see the elite come down to the middle, let alone the low. Same way the middle don't jump to the low.

If a man chooses to marry you from your one room, the idea of being your knight in shining armor is what appeals to him and his ego, not that love going on in your head.

That is why a man would most times go for a woman he is financially superior to, while ensuring other things he wants in a wife are fully covered. Things like youthfulness, looks, domestication and submissiveness. If you tell him you have the POTENTIALS to be these things, don't be surprised when he breaks up with you, stating you are not WIFE MATERIAL.
Men do not do LESS. They must be gaining something from you.

Men are not fools. If they want a woman at par with them, they will very well go for her. But they know it doesn't help their god complex. In fact, it frustrates them when you are not blown away by the money, despite wanting a man with financial capability.

Think like a man.

Believe you me, you can do better than this - the values are innately in you, so a simple change of ethical leanings will do the magic. There's almost everything wrong with the mindset you used in making this submission in particular and most of your submissions in this thread in general. And if every human being adopts this kind of mindset . . . things like oneness, friendship, loyalty and faithfulness can never exist in this world.

Meanwhile, don't allow any of the sycophants who always agree to all your assertions (whether good or bad) to deceive you into thinking that liberalness means absence of decorum/invalidates decorum. Always remember that closeness/admiration/friendliness doesn't mean friendship and loyalty.

blingxx:
well..... This is something we don't see everyday.. Laslas na rubbish you type

I couldn't have expected anything better from a boy whose parents are insane.

Wretched and mentally parochial elements, like you, are always easy to spot by any discerning person.

Bumpkin, direct your further mentions to your lunatic parents because I don't put up with small-minded people.

AntiBrutus:
Just answer that one first.

You don begin de fear now. Send me your Whatsapp number via a PM.

AntiBrutus:
See better person.

Which country is he from?
Or continent at least?

Na private thing nah!

[quote author=AntiBrutus post=81448031][/quote]Let me know if you are ready to marry a non-Nigerian. Send me a PM, if you're interested, let me connect you to him sharp sharp. He's a very good friend and he has plenty money.

jafol:
If you look at the names of those commenting that they can’t live with guy in this condition na Igbo girls, the ones that can live with him na Yoruba girls. Sorry for the yorubas living with Igbo wives, you will work tire n feed all ur in-laws lol

In fact, as e bi now, na exchange go sure pass now. Yoruba men make una come de marry our Igbo sisters and leave your Yoruba sisters for us. No Yoruba woman, no wife, lol.

I haven't fallen in love, although I've always loved people. The day I'll fall in love, I'll do something remarkable.

AntiBrutus:
Na them go help us marry them.

I don't live in such an environment. Then I will go marry a man living in such. Like that is not enough, his ego won't allow him move to my place, I will go join him in that room.

I will start walking on eggshells, so that my actions will not be misconstrued as disrespect.

Marrying a comfortable man isn't all about greed, it helps to protect his ego and give the woman peace.

This guy is best with his class, not me.

You know say de thread de talk about marriage proposal not performing of marriage rites . . . two different things. And you know say before a guy in dis kind of condition go propose to his woman, dem for don know each oda for sometime and she go don know say na for dis kind of house de guy de live, either directly or indirectly. So, if she come turn down his marriage proposal afterward, afer telling him/giving him reason to believe say she de ready to live de rest of her life with him, you no think say she do bad thing? You no believe in luv ni?

Actually, na every person hope to marry right and well and nothing dey bad if a woman finds luv/wishes to find luv where moni dey. But dat one no mean say men wey no get moni or wey never dey lucky to get moni no deserve to marry de women dey luv, not de women wey de available. Make you no underestimate de positive energy level of a man wey don sure say him don find luv and dey convinced within himself say him don ready to marry, no matter de condition. Such a man and nature get date and success no go far from him if him match him emotion with action.

In fact, if a guy in this kind of condition proposes marriage to any of your sisters today - don't worry, men with inadequate resources won't locate them - provided that he's mentally sound and gritty, with less than 100k personal investment in his life, I'll make him to swim in millions before six months time, if nature permits and if his villiage people aren't seriously on his case, lol. Think of this scenario and you'll see that genuine love (goodness/values) of a man to his woman is invaluable.

Money is like power, it changes hand.

CeterisXVIII:
Thank you, o! May the wisdom God put inside your mind, continue to flourish....

I wish you the same.

A very wrong decision. Altruism remains the thin difference between family and commercial corporate entity, so once it's eliminated in the scheme of things, automatically what will be left is self-centeredness/selfishness/greediness.

Provided that the interest is mutually altruistic (from you and your woman), go ahead and marry her. If you value your inner peace, you need to start living life on the periphery of culture and/or conventionalism - of course, always strive doing so conscientiously. Besides, it (the osu of a thing) has been abolished by the constituted authorities.

One of my kinsmen was in a condition almost similar to yours (that was before the abolishment), he was even ostracized by majority after going ahead with the marriage rites without their consent. Today he's living in peace with his wife and the offspring.

Her action is in order, although she ought to/has to courteously tell you off - of course, kudos to you for being sincere with her about your intention. You don't want/think you want anything serious with her (which is not a crime), while she's in need of a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. She has her priority right, so let her be. No victor, no vanquish.

You've to expect anything nasty when a man falls in love with you solely based on your outward beauty or your economic standing or social standing. Or, if he knows that you've been with him solely because of material/physical things he possesses too. In a world where most people neither believe in love (goodness) nor find it hard to love others unconditionally, falling in love, staying in love and staying faithful will always remain a herculean task by most too.

Actions and inactions will always expose intention and betray pretension.

Balderdash. Romantic relationship (or relationship of any kind) is akin to religion; If you need to read any book on relationship or join any group or device any tactics in order to make someone to fall in love with you, or to command the love of someone, it simply means that you're superficial in particular and small-minded in general - heartbreak and bitterness will always be your portion. Same as anyone who needs religion to do good, such a person isn't just superficial but also small-minded, and surely needs to embrace a change of ethical leanings.

As the saying goes, "manipulators lose credibility, diplomats gain it." Nothing can beat being real at all times . . . Realness doesn't mean lowering your guard and enabling shenanigans of any small-minded person though. Man know thyself.