₦airaland Forum

That thread wasn't necessary in the first place. I did state myriad reasons one could wish to deactivate his/she account. I understood her disappointment at the guy for developing cool feet towards her when she thought something real could emerge from their discussion, but that is exactly one of the features of online dating. My only grouse was the needless effort to shame him -- and perhaps cast guys in bad light -- even though she did fantastically well to conceal his identity.

He wasn't good enough before and therefore didn't meet your standard, but today, he is a "refined" and "polished" gentleman hence your desire to force yourself on him. Where are those guys with cars? Don't you think a lady stayed with him when you were busy chasing people with cars? Don't you see he has never felt anything for you, probably because of your disposition towards him? If you want to know the truth, leave that young man alone, especially since you rightly feel inadequate before him.

Men don't need to wear engagement ring because getting married, in the practical sense of it, is not a trophy. And even if you do, nobody takes it seriously because it is not something that ordinarily elicits joy. At the risk of being misunderstood, there is a unique way men, generally speaking, approach marriage, even when they are smitten by their partners. And this includes not attaching significance to engagement ring.

However, it holds an entirely different layers of meaning for ladies, hence the need to flaunt it as a way to their oppress or intimidate peers, or as a means of announcing their new status.

DanseMacabre:
Lol it's just a turn of phrase. Pun actually. And just for the record, I've never PM'd any female on this forum.

I am dismayed that you couldn't discern the greater pun that piqued my interest to offer a remark. Anyway, there is a limit you can stretch something, including pun.

What do you mean by "she has no source of income" when blessed nature has created a hole between her legs? Pun intended. Come on, she is obviously a student struggling to find her feet and perhaps not the entrepreneurial type that combines schooling with "business." That doesn't mean she can't start making effort to start picking up some of her bills, especially since you have started to express concern.

It is also within the range of imagination that you are exhausted about the relationship and seeks an easy way out. But that would be a bit hasty, especially if she has potential and brings emotional support to you. You guys should talk more often to see how she can complement whatever comes from you to lessen the financial burden.

Although I don't countenance the leperous act of sending pm to ladies with unceasing regularity, when they won't reply or acknowledge it. For weird reasons I supported your adventure, only for you to write/use "aggression" in place of declaration of love. Just after seeing that word, I became inconsolable in my unexpected capitulation.

It is seems like you are already having the karmic payback for your sexual indiscretion. The good news is that the you have realised your shortcomings and, I believe, is looking for how to write your wrongs. First, stop putting ladies in the family way, if you know you aren't going to have their babies.

Second, borrowing a leaf from the imitable and unprecedented judicial exposition and pronouncement of Jesus Christ, when the sexist Jews brought forth to Him a woman accused to have committed adultery, and Jesus having challenged them to proceed to stone her if they claim they are without sin, and ostensibly began to write their sins on their ground. After they shamefacedly disperse and Jesus left with the woman alone said, "They didn't condemn you, either do I. Go and sinner no more."

No, the Buck stops at the President's table, his lieutenants are the reflections of his incompetency and poor sense of judgment. For someone who left power in the 80,' someone not known for the espousal of any economic ideas, someone with no refreshing ideas on how to solve old and emerging problems, what do you expect his lieutenants to do? Reinvent the wheels?

Therefore, it is futile and laughable to create a scape goat and place culpability where it did not belong. It is the government of President Buhari and Nigerians did elect these lieutenants. So, we know who to blame and how to correctly place blame.

What you referred to as "love" is actually "emotional investment" or commitment, and it is what holds many marriages from crashing. Considering how careless and selfish many have become in marriage these days, it is the partner who invests the most that bears the brunt and sustains the marriage. When no partner is willing to invest or commit to the marriage, or when the investment and commitment of a partner is not duly appreciated, it becomes a burden and can lead to the collapse of the marriage. At a point in marriage, love transforms into something else: it can be an investment, commitment, or a burden.

There must be an underlying family disagreement, which you are not able to disclose to warrant such reckless and wicked act from the old man. Whatever the issue, it is very wrong for him not to congratulate you even if he didn't mean it. If you consider the helish experience women go through to bear a child, then the cluelessness and cruelness of his action becomes apparent.

Plead:
This religious fanatic won’t stop displaying his stupidity all over the forum.

Most members of this graveyard have a knack for being foolish and mindless. I hold this viewpoint for two reasons as it concern this thread. First, the op invited only married people to share their experiences in marriage. Two, nowhere was an invitation given for theoretical hocus pocus, by those who believed they have the answer to marital challenges, even while they are unmarried.

Why start something you can't handle or finish? Living together is bound throw up many issues, including getting her pregnant. Since your financial standing isn't strong enough and you have plans to bring your sister to come stay with you, why not make your girl look for accommodation in her PPA, or better still, she can rent a low-cost apartment since you want her to be close to where you are.

Alternatively, you can allow things to work the way it should, by not influencing her posting to a choice location. I say/write this because more, than anything else, you need to ensure that you build your finance to a reasonably strong height and that fact that marriage isn't on the to-do list yet, is another reason not to unnecessarily overstretched yourself.

Seriously? You mean it? I am worried about her, too. No, we, that is, you and I, are more worried about her.

It is to his interest that he rejects this leprous appointment. Any self-aware individual that spent years building career and knows his worth should stay away from the Nigerian government. See Reuben Abati, see Femi Adesina. What would Femi possibly do after the end of this regime, given the massive depreciation of his reputation he spent his entire youth building?

However, I concede that Mr. Can's job and that of the two fellows mentioned are diametrically different, but given the reputation of that minister and her antecedent since coming to spotlight, it serves Mr. Can's interest to stay far away from her.

As expected: all bluster and no substance.

efficiencie:
Societal standards? Well people like you are already setting societal standards. Your post is loaded with societal standards. Only that your standards seek to usurp the extant societal standards of our time. So logically your point lacks moral grounds. You cannot morally fight societal standards sculpted by the opinion of others by setting another set of societal standards founded on your opinion. If societal standards are the enemy then we should tear down all standards of society and resort to social anarchy! Lol.

Pardon me but I actually grab your point but I feel you should realise that people are at liberty to choose to be a rebel or a slave to the values of our society. For example, isn't it strange that despite all the teachings of clergymen and practitioners of various religions we still have a very corrupt society? We all have the opportunity to choose. Some people go through life without having a family. Saul of Tarsus, Kathryn Kuhlman etc are very good examples but for others it is a source of solace and no matter how you preach they just won't snap out of it.

As for fathers raising daughters...the question is how many fathers do we really have out there? And how many really know what the right mentality is? Who will be the judge of which mentality is right or wrong? There is a way that seems right but the end thereof is destruction. So what really is right? In my own opinion, living a life of faith guided by the ultimate standard of truth, the Spirit of God. This, to me, is what leads to the right mentality. Others may have their own standards but this is mine and I will teach my kids that...

Thanks for your reply!

This reply of hers must have immensely gladden your heart to warrant a tactless and gratuitous show of appreciation. I surmise you would become unconscious if she sends a pm to you. Una no dey try!

It is not societal nonsense, let's call it biological "nonsense" for the interest of peace. The attempt to challenge nature is a crude assault on logic. Yes, women have expiry date and there is nothing you or anyone can do about it because it isn't societal "nonsense" as you erroneously implied. There are some rules set by nature that society can't adjudicate on, because doing so will endanger humanity. So, I invite you to discard and abandon these toxic notions, conceived by some guided fellow who have declared an unwinnable war against nature.

Since women are humans and not products, they tend to have partial expiration and are still useful even when expired. That is the wonders of nature, something that is supposed to be accepted and not questioned. I believe that this expiration is understood in figurative and not literal terms.

Even though it has societal endorsement, I am not comfortable with your usage of the term "baby mama" to designate your wife-to-be. The term encapsulates your true state of state. From what I read, I am yet to see where the woman has done something wrong, other than "nagging" which is a result of your infidelity. How can a woman who gave you a huge sum of money when you are down become someone to be easily discarded? Do you think the grass is greener on the other side?

There is no point advising you since it is clear that you don't have love for her again, and it is your child that is keeping you with her. But this sounds preposterous to you. A child can't tied you down to a woman whom you haven't married, someone you don't love. If you don't find a way to make her reestablished faith in you, your boy won't be able enough to make you stay and marry her. You will stay only if you want to.

Baba, continue begging her because it seems it is how you guys started. It is laughable she is boasting of not going to accept the plead of anyone, including her mom. With no intent to sound/being cynical, that girl is clearly shopping for an opportunity to dumb you and move on to the guy she has found already. I am corksure she has found one. It is therefore in your best interest to let her do as she wishes, and don't importune her anymore. Sometimes shit like happens in order for us to become better and have a firm grasp about human nature and wiles. Just be calm and watch as things unfold.

professore:
Guess what? I believe all you said here. You seem supportive and have standards too. That's how to summarize your perspective. With the pms, I know u didn't reply, I just felt may be one day luck will shine on me and you will consider replying. By the way, you can go through my profile to see if I'm that kind of guy that constitutes nuisance on nl. even though it's a faceless forum. Thank you.

Really? "Lucky will shine on you?" Just to reply a pm? Guy, you are bigger than this. Who did you offend to make you do this? How stupid and idotic can a post be. You weren't shamed enough that she publicly warned you to cease sending her pm, you shamelessly exacerbated it with a thoughtlessly demeaning reply.

I am highly embarrassed on your behalf. If you send a message to someone once and she didn't reply, why inundate her with more messages to show how desperate and cheap you are? One young man created a post this week and revealed the kind of pressure ladies suffer just because nairaland is unfortunate to have people like you as members. What a shame!

You have tolerated her to the point that she doesn't have respect for you anymore. Because she knows you will certainly come groveling and begging for forgiveness -- at an infant that you are -- over what you can't fathom. The good news is that you have an opportunity to correct this misdemeanor once and for all by refusing to beg her. If only you can act as if she doesn't exist, she will give up this childish attitude. Ignore her and make merry in presence and see her change
this attitude towards you.

You sounded funny to me with your suicide remark over her puerile misbehavior. It shows how far you have cheapen yourself before her and you will continue to endure this senseless act until you decide to free yourself from her hold. Even when your maniless is at stake, you still have time to ruminate about masturbation? It depicts the kind of person you are.

Imagine your tasteless description of him: "my so called friend." It tells a lot the kind of person you are. If I were you, l will let the young man go, because he has been keeping tabs of your sexual activities and don't expect him to ever forget it because he isn't a super man.

If you ask me personally, l will say you don't deserve him. So, go look for your type and let your purported repentance be genuine.

Glink2018:
Op there is nothing like a misogynistic marriage relationship...
A misogynist doesn't have any close relationship with a lady or a woman at all nor marries a woman at all. I have a seen crude misogynist man, if you meet one of them, you will know that it's different from all these epistles you wrote.
A real misogynist is a real woman-hater. He will hate a woman with every pint of his blood.

I loved what you wrote. Will a woman-hater have something to do with a woman? Is hate a polysemous word? Maybe there is a meaning of hate that I don't understand: instead of dispelling someone or something, it attracts and endears.

That she met an irresponsible man who wasn't her husband yet is not a justification to be narrow-minded and dense. Come on, this story isn't novel, a lot betrayals occur in relationships, yet it hasn't deter humanity from engaging in sexual relationship. Why attack all men just because one of them decides to be stupid?

In any case, we can't foreclose the importance of hearing the man's side of the story, to fully understand the rationale behind such vile and vicious act. Since this is clearly impossible, we have to make do with your account of the event -- no matter how bias and one-sided it might be.

I wonder why you didn't see any reason to caution your friend for being gullible to man who hasn't paid her bride price. Let her pick up whatever is left in her and be vigilant so that she won't prey to another monster.

Ohizman73:
there is nothing of faith or religion here. The people of Palestine which xtianity originated from which religion we are clinging to. They have their own tradition which are well elaborated in the bible. The bible is more of the history book of the Israelis during the ancient times. Some history and culture of the Egyptians were even elaborated here. There is so much hypocrisy in religion here in Nigeria. They so many people are claiming here that indirectly he's taking a second wife. Which is wrong in xtianity. Most pastors in Nigeria have more than one wives nobody or their congregation condemned them that it is against xtianity. A majority of Nigerian xtianity men have marital affairs outside matrimonial home nobody conderms such that it is adultery . people would hush their complaining wives that men are allowed such privileges.Like ave been stating we should just pray that we should not fall into such circumstances of losing our spouses at the very prime of marital bliss.

How can you write Christianity originated from Palestine and not Israel? Were there Palestine during the time of Christ? When Jesus was born in Bethlehem, was it a Palestinian territory? Was it not the Romans that renamed Judea and Samaria and the whole of Israel Palestine? Have you ever seen a history of Palestine that did not begin with the creation of Israel in 1948? Even with that, it is a known that the land of Israel was conquered by many foreign powers, the last being the Ottomans before European colonialism.

The so-called Palestinians are Arabs who migrated and settled in Israel, since the Jews were on exile for hundreds of thousands of centuries. That was why Israel had to defeat Jordan to takeover West Bank and Jerusalem, defeat Egypt to control Sinai Peninsula and Gaza, and the being the Golan Height, a strategic Syrian territory taken over in 1967.

Lastly, note that Israel is/was the scene of the bible, not Palestine, as your incompetent attempt at revisionism portrays. No Islamic scholar worth his name will challenge this self-evident historical fact .

Why are you so obsessed in being a good married man and not a good human being? If you are a good man, it is difficult for you not to be a good man in marriage. But if you aren't, it is also difficult to be transformed overnight in marriage. Marriage does not almost always have transformational influence on everyone, as people don't change unless and until they feel so. My advise is: just be a good man and know all marriages are not the same.

Donbabaj:
I could be happy now but the next minute, she changes mood all of a sudden. We dated for over year after someone match make us but this mood swing things continued overtime so sometimes I get confused even as i really tried managing the pressure. She's a nice girl, takes good care of me, buy clothes, cook, always want me to look good but the problem is the rate which she switches mood easily.

Financially, we are both average earner but I think she earns better pay than I.

For instance, recently we got a new apartment- 2bedroom flat but whenever I say something she doesn't like or she doesn't want to hear, she just reacts like why would I say such a thing, all the while we were dating, we never stayed with each other as we stayed in our parents house. Fast forward* most times, as the man, after switching mood, I try to pacify her by petting and apologising but she doesn't just want to listen. Just today, we were playing with each other on the bed, touching each other (not sensitive part) and she wanted me to kiss her. So I told her jokingly that "but you know this is not biblical" as an advocate of no sex until after marriage. I have never had sex with her either. The next thing she said, "why are you talking like this" she stood up, went straight to the sitting room and slept there. I went to meet her there to pacify her again but she wouldn't listen. Please note that I have not and can never beat or abuse her cos I'm a Christian.

I'm just tired. She's really getting on my nerves. Our wedding is 3 weeks time but I dont just know what to do. People, friends and family are already aware of the impending marriage but I'm afraid that if a lady can switch mood like this, who knows what will happen tommorrow. I cant sleep in peace...

Please advice. This is happening right now.

It is either she has bipolar disorder or she is oversensitive. Either way, you already know what to expect since I don't see you putting break to things at this point. Maybe it is your cross to carry, maybe she will change when you guys get married. We humans are riddled with flaws and if this is only her blot, I will advise you temporarily walk on eggshell, or ignore her completely anytime she becomes childishly upset or sullen.

I have always known that ladies in this graveyard come under gratuitous pressure in form private message, but I had never imagine it is odiously nauseating.The good news is that they have learnt not to respond to these messages because they can easily predict the intention of the senders. It is the reason, as you correctly noted, some of them develop over bloated sense of worth, and are quick to insult and misinterpret your words because they see every male as one of the senders, because majority of the senders don't engage in this show of shame with their famous monikers.

The consequence is that ladies, as a result of the attention they receive, become incapable of discriminating fleeting online fame with real life experience. In other words, some of these ladies "come alive" only when they log into nairaland. You would have expected that given the purported gender war that has seemingly become the staple of this section, guys will loathe the idea of sending to these ladies.

Nevertheless, the indiscretion of some of the guys cannot diminish nairaland, since it has firmly established its reputation as a powerful tool available to any reasonable individual to exploit.

Hell no! Why I would marry a woman who is aged forty? Are under 30 scarce or what? The only scenario that would make me violate my principle is if she can wire 2 billion naira to my account and commit to the signing of a prenuptial agreement that demads good behaviour, then I can acquiesce.

I don't subscribe to the claptrap notions of "age is just a number," "old women behave maturely," "she won't be dramatic." All these are hogwash peddled and believed by people who don't know what they want.

Romangalactic:
I don't even understand that woman, just to say where she's from and she sent me on a wild goose chase. I really need to know the place in Nigeria where a man will be forced to accept his wife's lovechild from infidelity by his kinsmen.

It is just too unbelievable to be believable.

Kindly ignore the half-truths that effortlessly flow out of her mouth, or is it her hand self. Nowhere in Igbo land is a man compel to accept a child he didn't father. If a man decides to accept a child he didn't father, he does so at his discretion, not because some laughably nonexistent Umunna wills it on him.

sassysure:
Peter obi/ Soludo side.

What kind of confusionist are you? You should be aware that there are people reading this post and making observations, even if they decide not to comment. The young man specifically asked you what part of Anambra state are from? You couldn't answer, instead you waffled "Peter Obi/Soludo side" gibberish. Perhaps these are the famous names you know that are from Anambra.

Since you are so ashamed to state where you come from, you don't have the right to miseducate people. Peter Obi and Soludo do not hail from the same side in Anambra, not the same local government or even senatorial district. While Solude is from Aguata LGA in Anambra South Senatorial District, Peter Obi is from Agulu in Anaocha LGA, in Anambra Central Senatorial District. The question remains, where are you from?