₦airaland Forum

gram:
Submission and love are two of the most misunderstood words in scripture. They are not conditional, they are commandments i.e, even if your wife chooses not to submit, you must continue to love her and vice versa, while you both continue to work on this issue.

Both words as used, carry a spiritual connotation.

Many good women choose not to submit to their husbands, not because they are bad, but because they lack a submissive spirit and understanding of how this works. Likewise, many men lack the spirit of love. That is why it is advisable to work on yourself if you lack any of these qualities if you choose to be married as a Christian.

Marriage, as created by God is a sacrificial union that is not designed for anyone who lacks the spirit of submission and love. Both terms are extremely humbling and vulnerable states that are not for the proud. Love and submission are weakening states of human existence that should only be shared by people who understand them in a marriage. Howbeit, many are quick to expose their fleshly weakness in the name of passion but shy away from the weaknesses that God established for a successful marriage. It is impossible to have a Godly marriage without submission and love as God prescribed it that does not mean that the marriage may not be good. It is just biblically impractical for you not to have a head in a marriage. The head (husband) is actually a sacrificial position, that if well understood, is not desirable for status purposes - I can’t explain all in this post.

However, I will say this - many seem to liken submission in the home to submission to their bosses, the law, and other hierarchical institutions because that’s what they’ve been used to. If you ever grew up in a home where the mother submitted and the father truly loved his wife, you will not wish for anything else.

Unfortunately, we have less and less examples to guide us in this generation. Submission and love are fading away, and marriage is becoming a strategic venture. These two terms, if well understood and practiced, would have saved many truncated marriages today. May God help us all.

That said, many men who lack biblical understanding of the word submission are quick to use it as a means of control. That is one reason why many women are now very irritated by the word, because they believe it is equivalent to subjugation. No, it is not equivalent to subjugation or subservience, neither should it be used as a tool for subterfuge.



May God give you understanding.

Very solid points oo.

bukatyne:
The bold must be from Oshodi Bible.

For serious Christians, submission and love are distinct commandments;

A man MUST love his wife whether she is submissive or not.

A woman MUST submit to her husband whether he is loving or not.

If you are married to an unbeliever and they have decided to end the marriage, you should infact let them go.

Our God given wisdom also helps as a guide in situations.

Some of these Nairaland people will never see the husband love your wives part in the Bible.

Shey people that say their wife is not their blood only just relatives and children are the one that can love their wives?

People that don't even know what love is, can they love their wives as christ loved the church and gave his life for it, Eph 5:25.

They will never ever read their own Ephesians 5 till verse 25, they always stop at verse 24.

Eph 5:25-29 below.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 othat He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church.

The word of God is perfect, true and unbroken.

Even from what this pastor said, they are conveniently leaving out the Love is a commandment part of his statement.

Abeg let everyone read the whole of ephesians 5, pray for enlightening by the holy spirit and many will realize what God expects from us in marriage is much more deeper than what we are seeing around.

Why men especially Christain men keep watering down the commandment of love your wives is what I don't get. Submission is there, loving too is there everything is biblical you sef love nau abi or is it that they can't love their wives the way it is commanded?

I am pained that the Church is gradually beginning to raise men that are not fit for marriage, have no idea of what it entails and the only thing in their heads is 'my wife must submit to me' they are not taught that it's biblical to love their wives, neither are they taught that they become one flesh with their wives when they marry. Maybe they are taught but they just ignore, Maybe it's the birth of lots of hippy yoppy churches around, I don't know but something is wrong somewhere.

Also some people that when tradition clashes with the Bible, they put Bible aside and tradition take the front play, in situations where traditions doesn't favor them they run back to the Bible, is it those ones that want to follow biblical commandments?

Generally there's something getting wrong with our Christianity generally in these parts and it's affecting marriage, the family, conduct etc. Don't they teach these things any more ni? Christain conduct etc etc.

Lool at there's nothing like a divorced man scripturally.

I wonder where people get their heresies from.

Abeg I can't deal.

What did I miss?

.

Wow I just saw Seyi shodimus name on one post and I can't believe I remembered the love me jeje lyrics word for word its been years oo. if not more than 20years.

baby124:
Age will teach people that not everyone is mature enough to deal with such situations. You may think your guy is mature and will handle things as a mature person you think he is. But let me tell you, physical friendships are totally different from emotional relationships. The face we show our family is different from the ones we show our friends and very different from what we show our spouses. So much is invested in a marriage that things could turn deadly in a split second. If one person feels aggrieved. Some people also handle such situations by blaming everyone else but their spouse for the problem. Na then the Aproko go know that khaki no be leather! The person will just focus on the Aproko like the Aproko is the cause of all her problems in this life and in their marriage.

Hmm, such things take so much work and is so dangerous that one has to be sure and so careful. No matter what, one spouse whether in anger or during sex will leak the information on who told them what. Na there the ultimate gbege don start. Lifetime enemy don come be that!

Some partners are even so secure in their marriage to the point that, they can turn who you thought was your best friend and confidant to your greatest enemy! Even my mama and papa relationship, if you put mouth walahi, you go regret your life. They will team up and face you!

You are so right. Lots of people are not mature enough to handle such issues,

TheGoodJoe:

Yet to see a point in the story.

My point is simple. If your partner is keeping a suspicious relationship with a person, you will want your best friend who found out about it to tell you.

Unless you disagree with this statement, I wonder what the beef is with some people here.

I am not beefing you oo, we are/were only having a discourse.

You don't have to see the point at all.

baby124:
Know your boundary and place in peoples lives. Stop giving unsolicited advise everywhere. Mind your business except they come to you! You have no right to speak or involve yourself in anybody’s marriage or relationship if they did not bring you in. Eventually it will backfire and because you have planted a seed, you may have hurt the wife permanently in that marriage. Not everybody will forgive that. You may assume you should have a right till you cross the wrong person who will deal with you in a very deadly way! Relationships are complex! What you think is inappropriate might be appropriate to the couple.
You are also very young to think you should be advising people in relationships. Age will make you understand that most people in relationships will use your advise for their partners attention to settle a matter and get closer.

Leave am, them never use am settle fight before.


My mum had one tenant who was a philanderer, he rented the house as a bachelor, the lady was living with him, they later invited us to the wedding we attended, his wife would always be boasting that her husband dare not cheat blablabla.

Mum had two tenants, two buildings in a compound side by side, we lived in one while the two tenants live in the 2nd one, one flat had entrance at the front the other had entrance at the back. Meaning you had to pass through the two buildings if you wanted to go to the back flat, except you want to go by the side of the fence, my window and mum's 2nd window faced the space in between, mum could see anybody coming through the gate and passing through, I could see who was passing through to the back flat.

The front flats kitchen window faced the large walkway too. The philanderers wife had an habit of going to her parents place every Christmas and that was when he would operate in full force.
Meanwhile one day I was about to step out the gate and I saw a lady coming in, I asked where she was going she said Mr xyz, I directed her there, the guy saw me later and was trying to explain that she's his cousin and in my mind I was like what's my own with your explanation.

The lady at the front would always tell my mum that this guy sneaks women out before day break (all this happens whenever she goes to her parents), mum would always tell her to mind her business. Mum had also seen him once sneaking a lady out.

Two years later another Christmas, this lady and this guy and friends walked in coming back from the beach obviously, I looked at the face, it was the same lady I saw two years ago, they sha entered oo, later fight burst out, they beat themselves and ran out by their entrance.
Serious fight oo,me I stepped out to buy something the tenant at the front was narrating the story when I came and everywhere scatter that the lady was shouting that she won't do another abortion blablabla after how many etc etc, the front tenant settled fight oo told them not to put all of us in trouble that he should not kill someone in this compound and they should carry their madness else where. . They sha left.

Last last mum came back we narrated the matter, as the matter has gotten to I will kill you stage they should not put all of us in police trouble and wife was still at the parents place, mum knew her church, went to tell the pastor to tell her to come back home, because if she called her to comeback she would suspect something was wrong.

She kuku came back and was saying that pastor called her and asked where she was and told her to start coming back home that she even thought her husband was cheating that's why he called her back that her husband dare not blablabla, Maa sho ee, ko to be etc, na so all of us dey look at each other.

Upon the whole drama that happened we didn't say pim to her . Funniest part the couple are still together last time I checked, they moved out long ago from mum's long ago all these drama happened between 2009-2014.

We later got to know that he had even been dating the girl before he married his wife and it seemed the wife knew the girl, seemed they were friends back in school sef.

TheGoodJoe:

Suspicion is not a fact. She suspects she is cheating. She is not sure she is cheating. That is why she is wondering if she should let it slide.

To me, for a married woman, such closeness is unhealthy. I am not talking she is cheating. The OP is suspecting, not saying she is cheating.

Many suspects have been innocent. So saying she suspects is not saying she is sure she is cheating.

GERRIT?

I don't Gerrit, if she's suspecting she should keep her suspicion to herself till she has a confirmation even if she confirms there are ways to go about it.

Nawa oo.

Don't go and plant those stuffs when there's no backing.
Anyway I wish you and the OP the best.

TheGoodJoe:

For now, no one says she is cheating. She is a close friend for 11 years with the guy. That is some closeness. She suspects something is fishy. She might be wrong but still she is uncomfortable with it. The right thing to do is to let the guy know. After that, the guy needs to sort it out.

Please stop saying no one said she's cheating.

The only reason OP opened this thread is because she's suspecting that lady is cheating on her friend with that man. Shuu.

baby124:
The wife also has a right to be very uncomfortable about the OP’s presence in her husbands life, don’t you think? What do you even mean she’s not comfortable with what she saw? Is that a joke? You think OP has a right to be comfortable and speak on who should be around that man’s wife? Are you joking? Is that how invested you are in all your friends relationships and marriages? Did she see them sleeping together?

You better learn boundaries and be careful how you put your mouth in peoples private business. It can turn very fatal for you. The deadliest ones won’t even react in front of the husband, family will reunite them but are you safe?

She’s not comfortable? What a funny joke. You must be laughing at that.

I had not even seen this before I made my post.

Mall picture you are jumping up and down, as if some of us have not seen people cheating live and direct and we kept mum.

TheGoodJoe:
That is for the husband to enquire. She is concerned about the closeness. She is asking should she alert her friend. I think so. Especially if she values her friend and his marriage.

Let us leave affair out of it. She is not comfortable with the closeness and she should let her friend know. If it is a cousin or brother, that is for the husband to find out. There may be no cause for alarm, or there might be. When she shows the friend the picture, if it is a family member, he will tell her. If he does not know him, he needs to ask his wife who this close companion is.

if he does not like such a relationship, he will let the wife know and she will stop it.

Please, tell him and show him the picture.

Lool so she would show the husband the picture of both of them and ask if it's someone he knows, you must be kidding right?

Wait first is she the husband's sister? What right does she have to be comfortable or not.


I really do hope the wife doesn't find out if she does as you say especially if it turns out that she's not cheating. I can assure you that their friendship is over.

I hope the OP knows this small issue can degenerate to something she never ever bargained for.

TheGoodJoe:

They were friends for years before they got married and she is no more as close to him as she used to because he is now married. However, once in a while, she checks on the man. So, they are no more close like before. Also, the wife knows her and she is not moving around with him to hangout.

If she is no more as close to him as you claim, how come she's so certain the man is someone that the wife should not be close with maybe a relative or cousin that even came to stay with her since her husband is not around.

Islandlady:
He is right, ever since he got married I restrict myself from things I do with him like hangout, having fun and so on...I respect his marriage and privacy, I visit them on invitation from him and his wife and I am cool with that!!

So how sure are you the guy is not a relative of the wife? Since you are not so into their marriage as you claim. You can't claim to know all her relatives noow.

You are suggesting she's having an affair and all you have is pictures from the mall? Not even suggestive pictures.

TheGoodJoe:
I did not see her saying the woman cheated. She found the woman's closeness with a male companion inappropriate. it is something I will definitely frown on. So, as a friend, she is concerned about such closessness.

That is all she is saying. If the wife is cheating, she does not know. If it is a kind of relationship the husband will not like, he needs to know and get his wife to stop it and respect their marriage.

Why not just simply bump into them and check out their body language. As long as she didn't see anything suggestive there's no point.


We all know what her post is pointing at I. E cheating.

Lagos Govt school student have been wearing their hijab.

It's for public schools shikena.

Where the issue will arise is if they say private and mission schools. Most private schools would have given you their handbook on what is accepted or not anyway.

TheGoodJoe:
She said she saw them multiple times. For a married woman, she finds such closeness inappropriate. The husband needs to sort that out with his wife. I won't want my wife to have such closeness with a man.

Still she needs more proof, if truly the woman is cheating, she will need more to prove that to the husband much more than ' I saw them at the mall multiple times'

Husband and wife issues are very difficult to meddle with if she's wrong she has made an enemy for life and the lady will do whatever she can to get her out of her husband's life.

Picture of 2 people at the mall means nothing, except theres something else you saw, cuddling, kissing etc.

You will need more proof if truly she's cheating.

Fiscabally:
Thanks for those that believed and show love to us.

We're grateful!

Our Twin arrived yesterday afternoon.

Baba Ibeji congratulations.

Eku owo lomi.

ImaIma1:


Imagine if you are the one taking the picture.

Abeg dont let me imagine it.

ImaIma1:
Lol @ crawling into the oven

The attached is not photoshopped

Haa! I panicked when I saw the picture oo.

Mariangeles:
[i]Op, make I no lie, you go sabi nag die.[/i]

Also, listen to and be reasonable with your wife.
When she says she needs to get to the market early to get the best materials, then believe it.

For Lagos, na the earliest birds dey get the fattest worms.
you snooze, you lose.
So, understand and support her in every way you can. She's hardworking.

Can you imagine? Na by 8:42am you dey wake!

Thank you for saying the bolded.

Even oyingbo market na early momo ooo, by 7 am you see women from my area coming back.

Iyana Iba market there are some early morning vegetable deals you won't see once sun rise.

So I am sure for yaba/ tejuoshi there will be some material deals early momo, especially bale materials.


The topic reminds me of pinky and the brain. Thinking what I am thinking.

Minjim:
In Lagos?

What are all the people in that area doing when those boys were committing this atrocity.


Stop giving these people chance in your areas!

Alaba Rago is a northerners enclave, lots of rubbish going on there, ashawo joint too is there. That's the northerners base.

I just don't understand why Gov Sanwo olu rescinded the order to demolish that place.

Carcholce:
Why not do it this way, mother and daughter in one room while you and son in the other room. Any day you want to have sex with your wife, tell son to hang in the sitting room for the night. He’s already a man. He should understand.

Being husband and wife doesn’t mean you two must share the same room. When I get married sef I don’t wish to share the same room with my wife. She can always sleep in mine while I can also sleep in hers.

Nairaland ooo

I don't know why I just burst out laughing reading the bolded.

Lool at he's a man he will understand

SoapQueen:
Second, motherhood is alot. And Nigerian men are in the habit of over stressing their wives. When a mother has tended to her kids, cleaned the house, shopped at the market, and done the laundry, she has little time left for her man. My sister once told me that she stopped having a full night's sleep the day she became a mother.

!!

Generally speaking

The bolded is simply the basic reason why it seems men don't get a lot of attention from their wives when children begin to come. What I don't understand is why they don't understand this. You are a parent(I assume) you know how demanding it is to look after babies and toddlers and you are whining?

It's very simple you want more attention make life easier for her.

Most times the who/what gets the lack of attention is the husband, some will use him as the opportunity cost. She's not a super hero she can't quench.

House-must be well made clean, food, all chores done etc etc
Work- you must earn abi
Children - must be taken care of.

After these simple things above, she's simply tired and the husband is the one that can actually do some of the things himself.

Basically husband's make life easier for your wives, pikin is crying you can't serve yourself food . Wives don't form superhero o, if you can afford to get a house cleaner, get someone to wash clothes, buy machine, outsource what you can, dont go and quench. Get help.

You go from 6 am - 7pm in this our Lagos, stress will almost kill you and you don't have any source of help, don't kill your self oo. Ehen.
This is the simple reason lots of wives are looking older than their husband's, it's not about age most of the times it's about stress.

Please don't tell me hes working to bring the money home, the wife is also working too abeg.

The above is for a normal infidelity free marriage, once cheating enters for most if not all women all bets are off.


The OP could as well opened his thread without referencing her thread, I don't understand what the Chochocho is about.

Quite strange lots of universities have a mosque and chapel, why would the govt demolish a chapel within the premises of a university?

It's like Lagos State govt/lasbca coming to demolish a building within Lasu.

I don't think there's any explanation for this and I don't want to believe it's building approval, because before any structure is erected within a university it must have passed through the appropriate channels within the state for standard.

My main issue is because it's within a campus.

missidy:
never. I won't even get pregnant until I see my visa, nobody can tie me down here.

Okay oo I hear you.

missidy:
Attended the wedding yesterday, it was a beautiful. With the way this country is going, I think I might give this a shot if I see the opportunity . Everybody wants to japa.

Sha don't go and enter the abroad husband Nigeria based wife trap.

Many have gone.

thorpido:
You better tell the truth that it is you.

Well,I know someone who also did it.Met the person once when he came visiting and came back to marry.

The one you posted is better they have met once and the he later came for marriage.

Anyway I believe you must have met whoever you want to marry before he comes for marriage. Meet online, relation ship online, propose online, then come for marriage fiam like that? E get as e dey be.

At least they should have met. Not marrying someone you have never met before MBA.

It's prepaid that is the issue for me oo. I miss my induction cooker.

People must complain about everything, Nawa. Please stay at home if you don't want to go to church.

I even saw our security team having a meeting with some elders in church today after service, what I heared when passing was to beef up security.