₦airaland Forum

Mehn.........this is real good. One thing that trips me about nairaland is that if you come here with any kind of question, you are damn sure of getting some answers, all for free.
I know a few persons who have weight issues. I will refer them to this website/thread so they will benefit from the kindness of the above persons. @ op, thanks for opening this thread.

chaircover: Amen ooooooo!!! This is the bit that concerns me jare Special discount for you on your bridal gown when you are ready

Hahahahaha biz woman. When the time come, i go yarn with you.

What the hell is wrong with this man called Obama? First it was legalizing bestiality between soldiers and horses now this. Something tells me that he is an antichrist and doesn't care about doing the right thing morality wise. He is selling his soul all cos of presidency when he can be struck flat out by God a day after winning the election. *SMH* FOR AMERICA. May God forgive us all our sins cos we truely do not know what we are doing.

Thanks Bluediva and Jenny. Believe me i have always blamed myself for everything. All the times (quite alot) i cried when living with him, i was a kind of crying to myself as to why i let myself into the great mess. I have been finding it difficult to forgive myself for letting myself be used like a slave and treated like trash because "i know better". I should have waited a while and not made the mistake of believing "e go better once we marry". Talking and discussing about it all and pouring my heart out to the world (nairaland) has kind of made me feel better and i have forgiven myself haven't realised all i made was a bad judgement which anyone can be a victim of. From the experience of other people i actually learnt that am not alone so i don't have to be ashamed of being a single mother. @Jenny i haven't walked down the aisle ooo! It was just brideprice ex paid. But by the special grace of God, i must wear that gown (u know what i mean. Lol).

BlueDiva: I've read quite a lot of your experience with your ex.
I'm curious (blame my social psychology background)how come your hubby was such a 'devil'?.

1. Didn't you guys date?
2. Were you match made?
3. Were you desperate for marriage?
4. Was he a saint during the dating period?
5. Didn't you ever meet his friends and family?

I ask all this because i think a person should take the blame for being with a bad partner.
There are always tell tale signs about a persons true personality but we choose to ignore.

The easiest way to know your partner is to observe how he/she treats others and not you.
A man who you are dating and is nice to you but violent towards others is a violent man and will turn the tables on you after marriage.

A man who takes you to clubs and to eat 'nkwobi' every night while dating will abandon you at home when married and still continue his night life.
Most times we women date the bad/happening guy and feel he will become a saint after marriage.
It's all wishful thinking. I say women should start to 'create their own luck'.

Like i said i'm just curious and i feel both parties should take the blame for a bad relationship.

Its not about playing saint and attracting pity. The beauty of anonymous internet forums like this is you have the opportunity to call black black and white white without caring whose ox is g........(can't remember the spelling for that). In the first place why will anyone even come to nairaland to lie about sensitive issues like this? Why will anyone tell lies against his or her spouse or ex? Personally i kind of see it as foolishness and stupidity because somebody telling lies here and still want advice will only get advice based on the lie the person told and at the end of the day the advise will be useless to that person........ so why bother in the first place?

The experience of the ladies with usernames debrief and cotton10 are quite worse than mine and i donot doubt their story one bit not really because it happened to me too but cos i have witnessed this "turbulent affairs". For instance when i was in the university the guy staying in the room opposite mine was quite a character, all what my ex did to me and our marriage are all nothing compared to what i "saw" this guy do to this lady. If i had been told, i would have concluded that the person was lieing. Take it or leave it people can be mean. In my own case even i was totally confused about why i was being maltreated by my own husband until he opened up that he only married me for marrying sake and not that he loved me and the day he told me i was the least important thing to me confirmed it all.

To your questions: we dated for 3months, i only met a few of his family and friends (parents are dead).
Was i desperate.....honestly i was kind of under pressure from my mum. I actually saw some of his bad sides but i never ever knew it would worsen by 1000 times and i attributed it to "nobody being perfect" and also believed what he said with his mouth that he would change once we are married, when we got married he said he would change when i start having kids, well i got pregnant and he added physical abuse to it.
The plain fact is my ex hubby never loved me (its easier for men to pretend to love than women) and he did all he could to frustrate me out of the marriage so that it would be that am the one that left. Funny he got tired of the pretence and craved bachelorhood so much that he packed out of the house. The few months we courted he didn't hit me or portray any violent behaviour though he told me how he seriously beat up his ex fiancee (talk about the broom used to chase d first wife being kept for the second wife) who is the mother of his first son and he told me he will never beat his wife (indeed) and he once fought an okada man.
This man am talking about is so innocent looking and talks like a baby. He looks like an angel and heck even i would deny for him if am on the other side of the fence! I have learnt from my terrible mistake and i pray and believe that God who sees and knows all i haven through will settle me accordingly and make things right for me.

Lady those things i have written in various post are actually true, if you have seen people who lie against their spouse here, well am not lieing ok. I just love the fact that i can freely express myself here and not keep any unnecessary load but maybe i will stop talking about the ugly marriage experience or even make any reference to it. I hope i answered your questions. Any spelling mistake should please be pardoned, am typing this in a rush and want to go back to sleep.

I finished nysc february 2010 and resumed my first job on the 5th of march. Like lots of people have said, the guy should try and learn something that will fetch him little money for now till something better comes. The salary i earned as a fresh graduate was a big slap to my face when i compared is to what my colleagues with better jobs were earning. But i had to accept the job offer because it was better than sitting at home doing nothing. Another thing again is experience; most companies will look out for people with certain levels of experience while some will train their fresh employees. So if the guy gets a job that isn't well paying, let him accept and manage is for the experience he will gain cos that experience is what will fetch him a better paying job.

The mentality of most Nigerian men is quite funny. They treat their wives as their slaves. You want one person who you claim to love to be your wive, cook, dry cleaner, baby incubator, messenger, house girl, s£x machine etc etc.
I truely understand where she is coming from cos i have been there. My case was probably worse off as in after washing this man's clothes (up to handkerchieves), he would never say "thank you" or simple "welldone". One particular saturday i worked my a.s.s off in the morning before going to work (while he was watching a seasonal film) and still branched into the market to buy soup and stew items and prepared both same night, i was dead tired & the weather was hot that night. This man started talking about s£x, i politely told him i was extremely tired and besides the weather was terribly hot. So i pleaded with him to please hold on so i will get my strength back and by early morning or late night the weather would have been cold.......well he told me point blank that he would sleep with another girl the next day.

Anyway your friend should hold on a little while. I will suggest they both go for serious counselling (that is if he will agree) or let her look for an elderly christian couple her husband respects and discuss the issue with the man first then the man will in turn discuss with her husband or both of them. If she hasn't told the man that she tired of being treated like a slave, she should tell him. He may not know that his wife is hurting deep inside.
Please permit me to say this - he doesn't respect or regard her else how will he bring his elder brother to live with them without discussing with her first?
They not being intimate for some time is because.............


Encourage your friend to be careful and apply wisdom in all she is doing. She and her husband needs serious counselling. I will recommend she talk to this lady @ auntieagatha..com. She is a marriage counsellor.

Go with your guts. So your mind will be at rest.

Mac thanks for the good you just did. I hope op performs well in the interview. God favour and success be your portion. Amen.

suggary: Right from 5 years I had loved the smell of cigarette and star beer,I used to go to my neigbours house to have my smell cos my dad doesn't smoke or drink

I hope say you neva begin practicalize am ooo!

cintia: The woman should secretly enrol in karate class,
when next her husband tries raising hand on her
She will give him commando style

lol at your comment. That means their house will become a boxing ring and i tell you one thing......one of them will have to "go" when such becomes the case.

tpia@:
^^i'm not referring to why you chose the man.

I'm talking about why the man chose you.

if someone says you "were being punished for your sins", yet you have no knowledge of any "sin" you committed against him/them, then it's either he/they are a basket case, or something else is what he/they are referring to.

just guessing here, could be wrong.

I didn't know you were talking about that. The reason he said that is because (according to him) the signs and symptoms i presented when i took in were not normal. He said it was not normal for a pregnant woman to vomit or have catarrh when pregnant. It was abnormal for a pregnant woman to be weak. So in essence my throwing up, being weak, the nausea etc were punishment from God. Do you get me now?

As far as am consigned this is karma. When Medical Laboratory Scientist embarked on one week warning strike last year, the stupid Medical Doctors in Lagos were against them, they didn't even give them an ounce of support. Instead they attempted to take over their jobs! Human beings!!! Now they have all been sacked for embarking on same strike. I say good for them. Talk about tasting a bitter pill.

Dem chop bellefull na im make them see power take fight. Olodos.

tpia@:
seems to me like your ex is holding a grudge against you based on something involving your parents or something possibly your parent/s did.

you might want to look into that (not necessary though)- i noticed some folks these days have appointed themselves judge, jury and executor over others based on gossip and rumour involving events from the past, which the person they're targetting, might or might not even be aware of.

usually comes with a strong native doctor (juju) backing, and like i always say, people have long memories.

of course its also possible he's simply a jerk of the highest order, but most times these things have a root in something else.

assuming, of course his harsh treatment was indeed unwarranted and unprovoked by anything on your part. Not that I'm saying he has any excuse per se for his behaviour.

No, my parents had absolutely nothing to do with my choosing the wrong man. My case was that of "marrying the wrong person and i mean the wrong man).

recruitmnt: ^ a kid is like the nicest word ever to be used to describe that man!

PrettyCindy, ure a strong woman. May God give you a man that will love you from thr bottom of his heart.

AMEN ooo but em you forgot to add something "my son"........a matured man that will love my sweet son and i.

jennykadry: ^^^ What? are you serious? You married a kid. I mean which man comes home everyday and tells his wife his ex girlfriend from no where called him suddenly and started begging him for marriage? that man has a big time insecurity issues. BIG TIME

My sister na so i c am ooo! He never stopped mentioning their names. He said one thing jokingly one day, he said that he knows that i can't leave him because of shame so he can do what he likes. My eyes saw pepper till i woke up to reality, reality that i wasn't married at all. Imagine when your husband (an adult of 33yrs) tells you that the only reason the two of you won't do court wedding (to legalize the union) is because his father didn't do it. I begged and begged that we should do it since he said we won't do the church weddin or blessing again but he refused insisting that he will do only what his late dad did which was traditional only.
When we were "married", i stored his name in my phones with 'my husband'.............well he told me to change it to somethin else that he isn't comfortable with the name i used.
I am proud to say that am a very good cook + caterer (got the cookin thin from my mum but learnt how to bake from online and have really improved to the point that i can bake anything bakeable and i used to make pies, pizza, spanish omlette, meatballs etc for us) but you guys won't believe ex will compell me to cook the way his late mum used to cook and out of respect for him and my marriage i learnt how to make yoruba dishes but yet he still maltreated me.

After all i went through, it was quite easy for me to leave because there was absolutely no reason to stay, i wasn't loved, i wasn't happy, i was totally frustrated, i was married to a man who wasn't married to me and worse is i was really alone even though i was answering Mrs.

**please sorry i talked too much about myself, its just that this is the only avenue i can pour my heart out freely .

Poster when you are ready to settle down, go to the most interior part of your village and pick one of your bush girls as a wife. So you have a complete housewife and of course a virgin. But please don't get tired of teaching her how to do everything and don't ever go outside to meet a pro.sti.tute when you want some good s£x.

The truth is in situations like this no one can actually advice the victim. She knows what she is supposed to do but won't do it not yet anyway and she can never take advice from anyone. That is how it happens. Victims of abuse always know when its time to walk: its only few that actually gets around to walking out of abusive marriages.
My ex started with verbal abuse that were totally uncalled for. I remember when i tell him we should sit and discuss about d marriage, issues building up unresolved, his attitude, plans for our future, etc etc, he will tell me "f.uck you", "am not interested in your st.u.pid discussion, "go and f.u.ck yourself" etc etc. It continued like that till he finally demonstrated physically. You needed to see the man that day setting blow and posturing (like Jackie Chan) to fight a pregnant woman.
Anyway i didn't tell anyone not even my mum cos they all would have said please endure and pray to God for your husband to change. I had already made up my mind finally before informing my mother and like i said she tried to settle us but i was done. There was no way i would ever refer to the monster as my husband again, there was absolutely no way i would ever love him again or even cook his meals or wash his clothes, there was no way i would look him in the eye without the urge to do something terrible to him, there was no way i could ever ever let beast touch me again. The honest truth is that if i had stayed and some other persons had advised me leave, i doubt i would have left. That is just how it works people.....a woman in an abusive marriage only leaves when she gets the will power. He never taught i will survive childbirth and taught i will miscarry my child even a lady told me same thing that there was no way on earth i will be able to carry the child to term that the stress will be too much for me but well here i am, alive and kicking, my child is strong and healthy and am so so so glad i left that man. Domestic abuse makes you feel you are loosing it, you loose your self esteem, your husband totally disrespects you, your husband tells you stuffs like "you should be glad i married you cos if i hadn't no man would have married you"! He reminds you daily of how girls are tripping for him because he is very handsome, how they are begging him to marry them, when he comes back from work, the first thing he says is one of his ex girlfriend called him and was begging him to marry her. That is ehn i was just like a fool as in i was just doing everythin to please him, i became a slave to a man i called my husband.
The very day he raised his hands on me was the first and last. I didn't wait for it to happen the second time.
So madam, if you are enjoying the beatings and the emotional trauma your children are going thru, remain for dia you hear. When you think its time....follow your heart. A man who loves his wife will never ever raise his hands on her. May God protect you.

Its indeed tough but very very exciting to be a mommy. My 1st child (son) is about 5months now. Since giving birth to him, i found a new meaning to life. D tin de true true catch for body.

pistol: Very educative thread o.
Very informative feedbacks.
But come to think of it,am sure my mum didnt suffer all this hogs in the name of pregnancy.
Our last born was born when i was an adult and i saw my mum during her laundry b4 going to hospital dat very day that she gave birth.
I think that these pregnancy laziness norms is amongst our 21st century moms.(2001-present)

Please em you have to take that back. Laziness Every single woman is built differently and we respond to pregnancy hormones differently. I know (not heard) of a few ladies that fell sick throughout their pregnancy, one was even on bed rest when her pregnancy blocked 7months till she delivered. Your mother is a strong woman and like you said, it was her last child so she is already used to pregnancy and all that has to do with it. I know of a particular lady that had up to 4 miscarriages between January and August last year. Its not because she is lady, but her body is an extremely fragile one that driving on a bumpy road can cause her to miscarry even rough sex will also cause it.
Personally the conditions that surrounded me when i took in was enough to cause miscarriage but God saw me through and i was determined to see my child. When my pregnancy was 2months old, my ex husband packed out of the house to live with another woman after physically abusing me and i lived alone till i was 8months 2weeks before travelling home. I did not hire any one to do anything for me and i was also working 8am to 6pm daily, saturday 10am to 6pm. The worse was the road to work was quite a rough one and i had to go to work on bike to and from cos no direct bus from Mararaba to Karu site. In my case, God was really on my side and the maltreatment from my ex husband made me strong and more determined. I was quite full of energy all during my last trimester to the point i even pounded yam 2days to delivery and my delivery was faster, smoother and better than that of a Hebrew woman.

Detongue: Thanks 4 d details. I dice galic EVERY day into my cup of tea. 'Top tea and milk', hw effective is dis. Pls i need a reply

Steeping is still ok but you will have to let the garlic pieces stay a little while for the juice to be extracted into the hot water/tea. But if i were you, i would completely crush the garlic and mix with water and then drink it. You can crush it by simply putting it in between two knives and apply great pressure on the knife (or use any other method suitably for you).

Thanks for the info. I would love to own a blog sometime. I hope i will get around to setting it up.

Am asking this on behalf of a friend. She studied Medical Laboratory Science here in Nigeria and wants to go to UK for her Masters in Biomedical sciences (same course). But someone told her that getting a job in UK is extremely difficult now while someone else assured her that since she is in the health line and already have about 4years working experience in her field, she will be able to get a job. Both these persons live in the UK while she is still in Nigeria working out her admission.
Please if you live in UK, KINDLY THROW MORE LIGHT ON THIS ISSUE. She hopes to stay back there after the Masters and work but is a bit confused. Thanks.

Whether it was an assasination attempt or not, his simplicity played a huge role here. The tipper targetted the vehicle with flag which is the official vehicle but the Governor wasn't inside rather he was driving the first car, a BMW himself. That is one thing about the Governor, power doesn't freak him, he still lives his life like the average man on the street. So the tipper driver if truely he was paid to kill the Governor never knew that the Governor wasn't in the official gov. car. Mind you am not from Edo state neither do i belong to any political party. Someone said a few days ago before the accident that PDP must regain power in Edo states no matter what it takes..........well add one and one together and whatever you arrive at, na you sabi ooo!

Poster is this a true life story? I don't think any married woman whether she was a LovePeddler or not will do such even singles won't even do it.

tpia@:
if possible, please forgive the guy/free him so he can have kids.

people do things in ignorance sometimes, which they cant undo.

Is she the one "holding his children"? I don't think so. That is karma right there baby.............and the last time i checked she is one angry b*it*ch.

Tgirl4real: You are right Emporoh. Such threads are scarce commodity now.

@Topic,

According to hubby he was supportive to the best of his ability butaccording to me, e no try reach.lol

I had morning sickness with constant vomitting d first 4 months so it usually leaves me really weak. I couldn't take in anything without throwing it out. Hubby was really supportive then. He was eager to help me get sum'n that will stay in my tummy, supporting with 'basic' house chores and d likes. Sex was a big issue as I was always so tired. So he had to endure. He was good at massaging too. He also bought me lots of books to read on pregnancy and stuff.

I was a lot stronger during my last trimester. That was when e no try at all. He was always running away from me cos of my biggy belle. Says he was scared of it.lol. Na by force we dey have sex o and doctor says na dat tym I need am pass. Due to the nature of his jobs, he travels a lot as well. Till date, I still blame him for the Episiotomy and tear during delivery
He was most especially good at the dos n don'ts during pregnancy. He made me follow doctors instructions to the letter.

Abeg hold am tight. A man that treats his wife well, respects her and values their marriage is indeed a husband.

cotton101: are we twins - yeah i did the same (did regret not allowing him get the beating of his life) but revenge is for God and trust me when I say this his life is a mess right now, me I have moved on and have a much happier and brighter future ahead of me. anyway when one has the future miss most beautiful girl in the world (not nigeria o WORLD!!!!) as their daughter how can life not be good. LOL

Lol at are we twins. Lady trust me its better you didn't do it cos your daughter wouldn't be happy to know you did such and your conscience is clear so you are damn sure that God answers your prayers.

chaircover: Wow, that is deep



prettycindy, I really like you! you have a good and sensible head on your shoulders. Dont worry, all will be well

Madam Chaircover thanks. All will be well indeed.

Tropilo: @Prettycindy and Cotton101: Bia una no get brothers to arrange those men? Even sisters sef, if dem no fit fight, dem no get finger nails?

Lol! No now, i no fit do that kind na. Irrespective of all he did, at least he was my husband and i once loved him. tho say him deserve am sha. Besides it won't speak well of me and my family because i will definitely get married (of course carefully and prayerfully this time) and i don't think any reasonable matured man will want to marry a girl her family beat up her ex. D man go run ooo!

Gudintent: Told me to remove the b*****d

i obliged.

Now he is going from one church, mosque, herbalist house to another in search of one

That's karma right there.