₦airaland Forum

If women will lower their expectation of who a husband is they would marry earlier.

The issue is that the hypergamous nature of a woman holds out for a better offer until it's too late. And they become undesirable.

Many of the Men women will like to marry dont want them , many of the men toasting women are deemed below thier standard.

Omo Osun poor oooo.

olisaEze:
They’re not shaming us but only shaming themselves. More and more Naija guys are moving on to our more reasonable African sisters from other African nations than our ladies residing abroad.

It’s an emerging vicious cycle that is going to see our young ladies coming back to pick Nigerian husbands that’ll do the same thing to them till sense will finally reach their thick skulls. This life no get season 2, no time!

Well said.

As a man in diaspora seeking a wife, Nigerian ladies often look at me funny like I am wanting to marry them for papers. Meanwhile, my reason is simply becuasen of culture, to have a semblance of Nigerian family.

Asians, Indians, etc. Have no trouble marrying themselves here. They help to build thier communities, but our Nigeria sisters...

And the funny thing is that very few black women get attention from non black men. Na to find myself one african lady, move.

No time.

This is another reason why Men are choosing to remain single kinda...

jawalis:
The problem is that the description majority of girls give of their ideal man is virtually the same. When 50 girls want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just 1 man, and the man can only pick one. Then, what becomes of 49 others? They simply start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity". Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriage age who possesses all those things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in Internet fraud); even the number of those in Internet fraud is not enough to match all those searching for already made husbands. If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance, of good value and virtue, who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects, are married and not complaining of husband scarcity. The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change your view of who a husband is. A husband is that man God made and then saw that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for making him, without a help mate.

Well said bro.

You have summarized a lot in a few words.
Another issue is that the kind of man Linda will entertain is the same man many ladies will be praying for too. Some are younger, more beautiful, and may find it easier to be submissive to such a man. Let's stop normalizing baby mama, I read some people say it does not matter. If we keep normalizing it, what becomes of the ones who have truly kept themselves.

I like the fact that Linda is truthful though and open about her situation. She claerly knows what she wants though. This life sha... it appears we cant all win it all regardless of how hard some try.

As Life gets harder for Men, relationships will get tougher on women.

Wish her the best.

Regardless of how beautiful it looks, I can't visit a farm or a farming community anywhere in the north. That is usually Boko harams and Fulani herdmen target.

Those of you that want to visit, I pray God keeps you.

Cant women pass the same message without wearing a linginre?

I come in peace.

My only worry a out marrying an older lady is can she reproduce healthy babies.

Doctors say the older a woman the harder it becomes and the more chances of having children with disabilities i.e Down syndrome.

The fact that she may grow older is ok by me, we all go old.

Nature always favours younger women though, I can bet that there are women of Neds age who are more beautiful than Regina Daniel's, but he would still go for Regina 100 times over. Its nature.

Has anyone noticed lately that it is the Men committing suicide?

Wetin dey occur. WOmen seem to like life more....

Life o Life. May his soul RIP.

Sometimes being a good father is a thankless Job. You do your best as a man to put your kids and the next generation in a position to succeed, knowing fully well that you might not be praised for it that's even you live long enough.

The true value of a good wife is in old age. Not now, that the man is working, hustling , providing. It's when he is now old, retired, weak, this is when he can be easily discarded.

This is why some argue that women don't love like men love. Women love you for what you can provide and not who you are.

Some of you will be shocked to find that, if you were dead today. Your wife will be looking out for your will, where the property documents are etc.

In a nutshell, as A man. You may not win your children over emotionally like your wife would. Make effort to be in thier lives, provide for them. And most importantly take care of yourself and your future so that you wont be in shock like Buhari when in future they will be asking your wife if they should love you or not.

Wittyglam:
This issue has been bothering me, I want your honest opinion.
As a lady will you stop working of your husband ask you to? As a man would you love a full-time housewife?

Here is my take.

Most women have always worked from time immemorial, however this was in and around the household so they could not loose sight of caring for the home and children. A part of me belive this was the helper and support she was created to help the man.

What has changed now is that work has moved away from the home and women are struggling to balance both sides of the coin.

The answer to this question lies in if your husband is a high value male or not. For example, All first ladies dont work anymore once their husband assumes that status. Wives of athletes, and multi millionaires dont work. I don't think wives of Dangote, Ned work.

I could be wrong, but i don't belive women were designed by God to work as hard as they do now. And in doing so, they have lost some of their femininity. Infact a woman works and gets to a point and feels she does not need a Man.

But in reality, with world resources thinning out and women even competing for jobs Men are struggling to finance the home alone.

I really admire the family structure in the middle east like UAE, Qatar, The family structure is there with everyone knowing what they have to do. The women dont work, if at all they do it's around the home. The Man works and supports the family while the government insures the entire family should things go wrong.

So women, if your husband is not high value. You would need to work. For some mental health, work is good. If you can make money online or around the house and still have time for children and hubby. Consider yourself blessed.

Unfortunately as world population continue to increase. and resources thin out. Life will get harder for men and the burden will shift to the women.

It will be intresting to research if women in Middle east where polygamy is the norm are generally happier than women in the west.

If this trend continues, female children from heaven go give God condition say before I come earth assign my husband for me.

If I am to advice women... Lower your expectation about marriage and Life. You will be alot happier in the end.

Well said. I think I get your drift.

I agree with you that the poor have the zeal and motivation to want to succeed, but only few of the bunch make it out. Some die along lifestyle way, some hustle with no grace in sight.

One of the biggest challenge in Nigeria is that the rich hardly have generational wealth. As in you hardly find families pass wealth from generation to generation. E.g MKO abiola, most of thier kids lack the motivation to take the wealth to the next level.

Good point overall.

You are doing well.

Why do some women come to your life and you have a stronger healthy relationship with family and friends?

And some come to your life to first isolate you and seek to have you all kinda?

Reminds me of Prince Harry, can we all see what his wife has turned him to.

Hmnn....

I know lots of guys are here to laugh at the ladies, but for me, I wonder if these are signs of the end time. Are we seeing the prophesy where we shall have 7 women to 1 man coming to pass gradually?

I wonder if women are happier without men in their lives,

I can imagine the X chromosomes in a man's ejaculation all trying to hit the reverse brake seeing the number of women waiting and hoping for marriage to be happy.

As a man myself, I tremble at the fact that Am I that important of a human that God created another whole human being to help me achieve my dreams. As in her prayer point, all the days of her life is to see me do good. Ordinary me.

Anywayz, I dont see this trend stopping soon. The only that can reverse this trend is if for some reason far less females are born. you will see how men will rush the few available women to ensure he passes on his gene.

Also do you think polygamy is as bad as they make it seem ?

Just saying#

Darlingme:
Over time, we've heard people said "make hay why the sun shine", knowing that time does not wait for anyone; doing what is meant to be done at the appropriate time is very important.
In my ideology, Dreams will always come through with strong determination, more effort and time.
In real life, we have seen, heard stories of dreams that never come through due to several factors, such as: Marital Choice, Wrong Decision Making, Procrastination, Delay and Unbelief.
Bases on my observation, Most successful people especially in the entertainment industry, became famous and success before getting married. Most of the married ones find it very difficult to break out to success in their carrier.

Is it really true that any dream one cannot achieve before marriage can no longer be obtained after marriage? Often time, we’ve seen great potentials died just because the person got married. A lot of people abandoned their carrier/vision/dreams immediately they got married to face marriage, child’s bearing and all the challenges that comes with family building.
In a word of hardship, economic breakdown, where everyone is trying to avoid poverty, would you advice a young man/lady to achieve his/her dream/carrier first before going into marriage?

Please your opinion is needed.

Here is my take.

The answer to this question depends on age/gender/belief.

Age : In a country where 25yr olds are still writing JAMB/UTME, you will agree with me that upon graduation their priorities would differ from someone who finished NYSC at 21. Employers would be keen to employ the latter. And the latter has many more productive years in business or career.

Gender: For a female unfortunately Nature does not favor them as the longer they push their childbearing age back the more difficult it is. Feminism and education are working hard to make women think a career is more important than family. Many of whom have taken this path of career over family often regret it. So, for example, most of the successful females in corporate Nigeria I Know, started their family early, the earlier they finished having children the better it is for them to now go all out in business or career. i,e look at would you rather be Omotola Kehinde or Toke makinwa.

For men, it's a different ball game. The curse of the man is to work hard to eat and provide for his family. The pressure of succeded is more on the man and he may take longer to find his feet because he needs to provide for his family.

The weight and responsibilities of being married can surely shift your proirties. Haven said that The bible says 1 shall chase 1000, 2 shall chase 10,000. This could very much mean that as a team there are things you will achieve easily than being alone.

Nothing is impossible in this life. However if you say it is not you are right, if you say it is possible you are also right. It is up to you.

Dpaulie:
Fathers need to be very careful with the way they handling the family especially the children, we men hustle to make the ends meet for the family yet this children will never see our struggle and eventually give all the kudos to their mother, buying them a lot of things and care for them 100 times before could even remember one father is existing somewhere

It's the curse of the man to toil all the days of his life. Most men get little or no reward for their labor, but we move.

Sometimes I think deep.

The sacrifices made by good hardworking men are reaped by women. In fact that's most of their retirement plan.

The test of a good wife is in a.man's old age. This is when you are discardable as a man.

I also built my mum a house, send her stipends. I recall as a child seeing my dad toil day and night, he later died in my final yr in uni.

Nonetheless, emmanuella has done a good thing and the blessings that come with it are unquantifiable.

edogu:
From the pictures posted, may be her dad is no longer alive. Take a good look at the fourth picture, you can see only the mother and her brother. May we all be alive to enjoy the fruits of our labour, Amen!

Well said. Well done emmanuella. May Gods blessing be with you always.

I have noticed many Men dont live long enough to enjoy some of these things. All the labor of a man is indeed the benefit of his wife and children... But still we move.

frandal:
Hi everyone, I read up the messages from the 1st Jan. of 2020...and please I will say I got clarification of somethings I didn't know before(or never paid attention to) but I have a few questions but here's my profile:

Currently admitted and enrolled at UNSW Sydney... (started lectures online already, didn't defer so I don't miss my scholarship)

I have gotten my COE, agent the school gave me is BCIE (GTE, COE, Sponsorship letter ready) but the agent hasn't started my visa application (her excuse is the submit button is not clicking as she's working on another application and it's not submitting)

My questions:

- My sister's husband is standing as my sponsor (he's based in the US)... he already gave me his W2 form)..but my agent hasn't gotten back to me if the form will fly (her response, they don't know much about US documents)

- Has anyone been able to recently apply for visa?

- Aim for study is to actually JP...I don't know anything about Aussie PR as I assumed first stage is to get there first via study...please can anyone but me through the process?

- Also, is there anything I'm missing out.?? I need guidance �..is there a WhatsApp group for Aussie visa enquiries... I'm new to nairaland (not sure I'm posting this the right way sef)

I just sent you an email please reply me, I need know how you applied and got the scholarship �

No worries. Information I got from nairaland helped me a great deal, so you are in the right section.

I used BCIE then also, my elder brother in the UK was my sponsor. So I dont know much about the US.

As of today, the government seem to have tremendous progress with containing COVID and dont want to risk returning to the pandemic by allowing international students even though the schools need the money bad. As you may know, some schools are already cutting admission to some courses.

Regarding PR, all the information you need is on thier website. If you study a course on the SOL list, it increases your chances of getting PR after school.

Wait for the elders like @ Aussiejoan to advice better. Until then keep your head up.

Flexherbal:
I am beginning to like this Peterside.

Me sef.

Wish he was in politics, he seem to have a good head on his shoulders.... but again na so some people start o m. We know how they ended.

There was a thread here on Nairaland where a poster said. Most men don't appreciate the multiple roles the wives play and still you want them to work their heads off to provide to the finances of the family, something that is solely the mans responsibility.

She lamented that women

1. Go thorough a lot to have children for men, and indeed some loose their lives in that process. From puberty to menopause, they bleed every month for reporductivuty sake. These children bear the mans name not thiers.

2. Do house chores and domestic duties at home.

3. Ensure their husbands are sexually satisfied.

4. And still have to work on top of it to provide to family income.

Growing up, I always thought women took pride in these roles, but it does appear some women feel they are doing the men a favor. And would have wished nature had not put women under such circumstances. Thier love and desire for children was built in favor of the man to continue his lineage. Their body was designed for this purpose to please man. In a nutshell, she was created for the man to achieve his purpose, and not the other way around.

Some women even argue that Nature is not balanced and fair to them. While can no longer have children in her 50's the Men can still father a child at the same age.


Unfortunately Life is getting harder for Men making relationships tougher on women. Anywyaz

It makes me wonder if some women recent being women ? Is it becoming more difficult to carry out such responsibilities? Do women feel purposeless sometimes ? What can men do to ease the burden ?

NB: This is not a thread to bash women, but to understand them better.

Moderator, please front page.

If you understand women, nothing will catch you off guard.

Majority of women love you for what you can provide not really for who you are. Its nature.

The true test of a good wife is in old age, when you are vulnerable and probabaly retired. This is the time you are discardable as a man.

My appeal is to Men.

Please take care of yourself, health and enjoy your life while you have it. Leave with no regret. Let nothing suprise you about women, it is what it is.

With what we hear goes on in marriages these days, She has reasons to be scared, Men too are scared.

Regardless of how prepared one is. You just never know how it will turn out.

All marriages start out sweet, only few last till the end.

I wish her well.

They are programming this guy for a political move...

If you know, you know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5PtxRCenmw

Growing old is inevitable to all living things on earth, but do you ever get sad about the fact that you are getting old?

Once women start to become scarce, many Men go dey rush marry but unfortunately just like in the bible a time will come where there would be 7 women to 1 man.

I wonder how this makes women feel? Especially Christian women, knowing that a prophecy would come where they will compete for a mans attention.

Also, women have always worked from time.but a lot changed when you started schooling and landing good jobs outside the household thereby displacing some men in the workforce. Some men actually feel threatened that breadwinner status is under attack.

Savlamara:
If all I had to do in this life was "pay bills" my life would be so easy.

Instead I was born a woman, ordained by God to bear children to further the man's bloodline, raise his children so as not to be an embarrassment, cook to nourish everyone in the home, sometimes including in-laws and extended family, clean house, teach the kids, especially now during Covid we are homeschooling all day, build up house buying and decorating everything, support my husbands endeavors sometimes working in his business for FREE and without any appreciation, organize and pay bills with the money the man makes, keep myself looking sexy and ready for when he gets home from work so I can help him unwind from hard day... Some of this is done while feeling the daily pains being pregnant with YOUR child.

Then you want to add outside work to it as well while we are working day and night as it is? GOH

God ordained men to provide. You all have only ONE job and yet complain. Goodness...

I think you have spoken well. All valid points.

Sister, Its the curse of womanhood, very little can be done about it.

I once thought to myself. Will women be happier if they really were at home than in the workforce ? That's one thing I admire the middle east for i.e Qutar or is it thier religion. Both sexes know thier roles and no one dc complains. The man works, the wife takes care of the home front. And the govt. Insures the family just incase something goes wrong.

I once thought again. For every well employed female we see in the corporate organisation, is there a man who lost an opportunity for a job to take care of his family. As women became more educated and entered the workplace, it displaced alot of men. Making life harder for men and relationships tougher for women.

When I speak to a young men today, I advice them to seek careers with less competition i.e Engineering, Medcine, IT, Military, etc.

The further we deviate from the natural order of God. We live to regret it. I still feel women are not wired to work like they do. That's why once the husband is into money I.e politics, sports, entertainment the wives almost certainly go to the default setting of being a house wife regardless of her education.

May God bless the Men with the resources needed to lead thier Homes so it can ease the stress on the wife.

Until theN Hustle.

Hmnnn.

This a deep conversation.

Regardless of where you have your kids. I believe alot of work needs to be put into ensuring the kids turn out well and dont stray in life.

I agree and admit that kid of Nigerian decent abroad generally turn out well just because the society rewards hard work. So if a child puts in his shift, he almost certainly will be fine.

On the other hand, you and I know that not all nigerians youth who desire to travel end up travelling as travelling itself is expensive. Have a few kids, give them good education, ensourgae them in any sport or endeavor they love. Just do your best and leave the rest to God.

Life seem to be getting harder for Men, relationships are getting tougher on women.

May God bless our Men with the resources they need to lead their homes.

Zzor:
Yes,women are really suffering,in marriage you will be expected to cook all the time,keep the house clean(though with the help of housemaids),the one's without housemaids hmm una be witch,get pregnant alone and nurse the baby till adulthood,always be ready to open legs for him,look good for him,treat his people well,make money for the family too.Is all these not too much?married women,aint you tired?

It's the curse of the woman from the beginning of time for she was created for the man and not the other way.

So all the days of her life. She toils to him good, remember she was created as a help mate. Infact if a lady is not helping a mans life get better she has no business there.

You might not know it, Men struggle too. Married Men struggle too. Because we dont talk about it does not mean we ain't struggling. But women are more vocal and emotional seeking sympathy.

The part I feel for women is making money. I dont think women are designed to WORK WORK WORK. The day women began working white collar jobs, that was the day thier struggles in relationships started. Some of them even loose thier femininity along the way and trying so hard to be men. A few of them manage to survive it...

So stop saying you suffering. It's the life of an average adult woman. If you cant stand the heat, leave the kitchen.

This is a deep discuss.

The answer is no one knows , we are told by many spiritual leaders there is. We can only go to find it out.

Life has many questions and few answers.

Until then, enjoy the gift of life. Life is short and fleeting. The days are long but the decades are short.