₦airaland Forum

humilitypays:
This is what ladies fail to understand. When a man focuses on making money without bothering about family chores and wife naggings and whatnot, he will definitely excel, which will make the family a success.

But most ladies today want a romantic husband who washes their undies, fry water for them and do this and that for them, which reduces his energy and divides his money making attention and hence the family continues to struggle and she will be calling village people.


Only foolish ladies take feminism to marriage. The wise ones only talk about it for fun among friends but when they go back home they submit to their man cheerfully and they in turn enjoy good life and love from their man

1. You missed a key element: madam OP does not work; she volunteers 12 hours a week. That is less than two hours daily. You cannot compare someone who works 2 hours a day with maids to someone who works more than 12 hours outside the house.

2. Feminism ( the first definition) talks about equal opportunities for men and women aka giving women the same opportunities the men have.

How does this tie into the gender roles this couple have chosen for themselves?

They run the traditional form of marriage at its core: wife keep house, husband provide.

How does this model suggest inequality? Or one person (the wife 'inferior' or 'subordinate') to the husband?

3. Women want different things. Some want the cash and all its pecks; some want a bit of romance; some want a great deal of romance. Also, some are passionate about family alone, some women love to wear many hats and be into many things; some want to work just to earn; some have their worth tied to their ability to earn etc.

4. Men are also different. Some would like the OP; some want a wife who works for clout; some want a high flyer; some want a earning and financially contributing wife; some want a wife who has a corner store so she can be available to attend to the family's needs etc.

Each person should know themselves and pick spouses that best suits them.

Temptee101:
Hmmm...

Are you serious?

If i get you right, you mean the woman's behaviour brought wealth to the husband?

Please, explain!

According to her, she does everything so the husband only has to think of making money/ building wealth which has paid off for them.

Alaganature:
As long money is involved you can turn a woman into rag...without asking her to do things she does not willingly..

How is the woman in the OP a rag

Temptee101:
That's the power of money.

Even the bible said it "money answerth all things".

There's is nothing money cannot do if handled the proper way.

The woman said her behavior brought the riches not her behavior is as a result of the riches.

Kudos ma'am, whatever makes you both happy.

Woaw, she looks so good.

Teni more of this Biko.

Happy birthday, more inspiration to you.

Funny thread.

Everyone mingle with your social class.

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

Congratulations oko iyawo

You are a perfectionist, she is a nonchalant anything goes person.

To you, the result is fail so you don't see any reason why you should commend the effort.

To her, it doesn't matter that she did not accomplish anything: she wants to be praised for boiling stone that would not cook.

Well, party is over and you both have to work on yourselves and compromise on your natural positions.

@You: realize that everything cannot be perfect. This is coming from a fellow perfectionist. I had to learn over time to sit back and relazzz. Also as a perfectionist, tap into your resourcefulness (art of improvising on the spot) because you will really need it.

Also have plan A to Z and quickly switch plans as something goes wrong. Also learn what is important so you leave the rest.

Communicate what you what clearly and learn how to do stuffs yourself. For instance, I always go to the market myself . If I want to buy vegetables, I walk through the vegetable stand and go back to pick the best looking vegetables. Ditto every other thing. It would not make sense if I send someone to the market and start to complain that the pepper is soft or vegetables is not fresh.


@wife:
She needs to go the extra mile. No more shoddy jobs or I don't care display. She needs to bring her A game to the table.

You both also have to develop emotional intelligence.

You think the job is shoddy but she wants accolades, just smile and peck her thank you. When she really does the job to your taste or a better standard, show a hearty appreciation. If she is intuitive, she would learn the difference between both of them and ask how she can improve.

She thinks you are not grateful even if she put in her best, let her apologize (for your feelings ) and move on. When she is really sorry, she should offer an heartfelt apology. If you are intuitive, you will learn the difference between both and know when to keep quiet and face front & when to correct.

Good luck and God bless your home.

Youngzedd:
Women love conditionally and that is audio. Women have no love to give to men who's not their son, the earlier men understand this, the better.


That's why in the entire bible, there's no where it was written that wives should love their husbands.

Your version abi?

CalliDora1:
Op, na wa for you o. A whole Yuletide, it's only 10k you deemed fit for her? She even refunded you and you're here complaining. If she had kept it and quietly planned to dump you cos of it, would it have been better? Now she opened up ( communication), you're fuming. Free her abeg.

Op, seriously, think of it. what will 10k buy her? I understand the fact you have a financial commitment already ( your father's burial) but you should have either made it 20k or not given her at all.

She only returned the money, she didn't tell you it's over. If you dump her now, you don't know if the next girl is going to be worst. just let her know you're not cool with her attitude, then let it slide. It's nothing really.

Funny thread.

Women, you have been told not to know the ways of men.

angelfallz:
Some women can be very ungrateful. It could be from experience.

For me I always say I'd prefer to help men than women, simply because women have a lot of support, men don't.

And men are not ungrateful?

Besides, what gratitude is the OP looking for?

'What's up XYZ, my sister shared a link for nursing application in her UK hospital. This is the link: vvvvvvvbb. Apply let's see how it goes.'

What gratitude does he want apart from thank you?

People in my WhatsApp groups share application on a daily basis; I forward relevant applications to people in need of jobs; people around me help others look for jobs etc. We see openings and share to the qualified people and vice versa.

Honestly, many are mad and few roaming in this country.

Shebi our current leaders we claim are evil would help and hound you for 'gratitude'; they would bypass qualified people and help their own friends to rise.

The youth don't even want to help anyone? She you will help and open thread if it clicked and they were 'ungrateful'.

With friends like the OP, who needs enemies?

I will keep stressing the need to marry/interact in the same social class.

I can't relate to most of the nonsense I read here from males and females.

I don't understand this thread.

OP refused to share a link for UK Nursing application to his female friends because 'women are ungratefu'?

What gratitude was he looking for?

Hmmmmm.

mariahAngel:
Not obligated to his wife?
Is that the mentality of the "new age man" ?

@the second bolded, are you her husband?

Chinekenna ekwela ihe ojoo!

@bold:

Isn't that the new age and woke form of marriage?

Wife is not obligated to host her husband's guest; husband is not obligated to provide or join in the setup of his home.

You wonder the difference between couples today and live-in sex partners.

Going by the wailing here, the sex is not even that great.

notoracism:
Yes, he has other responsibilities and we are in it together. We have a project, he tends to put all his money there and leave me to also contribute to the project and do other things at home too. For like a year now I earn more, atimes depending on the contract, far more. But before this time I do it myself and now same.

This year I have not bought anything tangible at home because we wanted to complete a project, in the course of the whole stuff he got some extra cash and we needed bedsheets and also reminded him of TV, that's after buying sofa, I thought he'd joyfully buy them but no way, he was giving excuses. I bought bedsheets cos I can't stand sleeping on old and bad looking bedsheets or not having extra to change to.

Jumia black Friday came and he asked me to order for TV without making the cash transfer first, now he said he is not buying if I don't buy it. Am not a TV person cos I get busy always so that living room can stay as long as I don't care. My kids have theirs. So shameful but he careless.

What is your idea of comfort? What is his idea of comfort?

If you both can agree to jointly fund projects, why can't you both treat beautifying your home as a project and jointly do it?

Who benefits from the projects you jointly fund? Can you give example of these projects?

Chii59:
Men...if she vex, them go say she vex.
Now she's happy and that's still a problem for them.

Hahahahahaha

AngelicBeing:
Hian, Lol at whatsapp Alhaja, Una go kill person with laugh for Nairaland.com

She is a babe na.

JovialJune:
For her to be more excited than the husband, it's either the co-wife is her LP, she was forced to tweet fake happiness, or her esteem has been utterly destroyed she.has no choice but to accept her fate,

God forbid bad thing sha.

She might see it as an avenue to pursue her dreams with more free time, a relief from a demanding husband, an escape from pregnancy and child care if she really doesn't like kids etc.

Different people with their choices.

payloader:
It is easier being a christian, than dabbling in occultism. The rituals involved are too demanding and extremely dangerous, to say the the least. In Christianity, prayers and Bible meditations alone, make you more powerful than even the most advanced occultists.

The freedom in Christianity.

You can start praying on your bed and end on your knees to combat sleep.

Read your Bible anywhere, anytime, part anywhere etc.

Just one wrong step in these rituals and the person is toast.

starbuck:
Yet people still have doubts when Africans precisely Nigerians make mention of VILLAGE PEOPLE

Anyone who doubts the spiritual and its effecs on the physical world is a learner.

Or a deceiver who wants people to lose their guard.

CSTRR:
Indra Nooyi and her family.

Her husband is the undisputed head of the home.

How did you determine the head of the home from this picture?

What is your definition of the 'head of the home'?

Another one again.

Can't black community leaders start checking what is really going on?

cococandy:
Festive Pancakes for some little ones.

This is lovely.

Most likely a cult/rival fight or the revenge of his ale's man.

You don't stab a man accused of greed and gluttony on the testicles.

Thanks OP.

Just learnt this today.

I never stopped to process the term 'dry cleaning'.

So what we do at home is laundry cleaning.

Nagode!

This na whazup Alhaja o!

See distressed jeans shirt.

In polygamy, I am only concerned with the first wife since she is the 'offended/wronged' party.

If Whazup Alhaja has said 'no shaking' then I say carry go! Alhaji and Iyawo kekere, nothing do you.

This OP is Savage Sha.

Congratulations jare, it's not easy to love someone and be sure they love you too.

michlins:
Beautiful story and you're a lucky chap.


To y'all shouting simp, I don't know what happened with you growing up. Maybe your dad was beating your mom and you grew up hating women but it's no one's fault.

bonetalk:
Wow.... You Sabi good thing.... U like the coil hair, I guess

The hair?

Nope.

If he was slim, dark, on low cut etc. he is still same as long as he had those characters and fine Sha.

I like fine boys

I am watching a Turkish series and they are projecting a positive beard gang image.

Their beards are really lush and healthy

None.

I would date characters though.

1. Jamie Fraser

No male character has toppled him YET.

Let me keep watching movies and series

Denique:
The US should consult Lai Mohammed for some tutorials

fati2001:
If you were describing your spouse to someone, what would you say?

I thought you were female