₦airaland Forum

DonBenny77:
If you do masturbate, stop.

NLers eh!

0 - 1,000 in two seconds.

Stargurl20:
I've a very low self esteem, that everytime I'm being scolded about it, I always wish for death.
My low self esteem is killing me, and I feel this lack of confidence of mine, began from childhood when people would criticise my appearance. I hide my face from the world.



Something happened today that made my mum opened up to me that she isn't happy with me. We attended an event( more like a compulsory one for me otherwise I would have avoid going), and I hid in a coner throughout the party that the entire family was wondering the kind of person I'm. I know some thought I'm arrogant which is wrong.

I've cried severally today, that I wish for death....
I'm just a very young lady of 21year old.
This lack of self confidence also makes me avoid guys.

Why do you lack confidence in your self? Why do you think lowly of yourself?

Let's start with that.

All the things we have been saying.

Hopefully, it would hit home now Punch has echoed it.

J111333:
Good points.
Also ladies, always keep pepper spray on you. It can temporarily neutralize an adversary and buy you just enough time to escape.
When attacking a rapist, aim for vital organs in human body. Hit one of them with all your strength because no matter how strong a man is, hitting his vital organ will weaken him for awhile.

Good one.

Foodqueen:
Good.

The only thing I have to add is that the victim should shout 'FIRE", instead of rape or help. Cos people tends to rush out for fire outbreak than any other circumstances.

My little cent though.

Hmmmmmm

After a while, people would become desensitized to fires also.

Your friend is your friend.

ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.
I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.
Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.
That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.
The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.
My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?

Brother Ollins,

If this lady is as terrible as this, how were you able to get an erection to stick it into her?

How did you start the toasting to get her into your bed and arms?

The same magic you worked to get her pregnant, use it again.

It is in you like peak!

doggedfighter:
Our society considers it normal for men to cheat and so not enough reason for the woman to divorce the husband .



Same cheating from a woman is seen as sacrilege

@bold:

Society aka men and women.

Absolutely on point

lucianotawinji:
This is my take on that advice:

Please if you are a man, but you need your wife or any woman to reduce her intelligence or creativity for you to feel more like a man, you suffer from multiple complexes. One of them is INFERIORITY.
Go fix yourself. You don't know who are(IDENTIFY CRISIS)

Multiple complexes

LordKO:
Balderdash! Excellence doesn't automatically breed contentiousness. So, an aristocratic woman will never turn bad just because she's better than her husband in some areas of life, and a man who'll only feel respected when he's better than his wife in everything, illusorily or realistically, simply has low self-esteem.

LordKO has said it all!

Then the man wonders why he is slow and toiling without success.

The principle of marriage is 'one shall chase 1,000; two shall chase 10,000'.

How does a woman become an actual helpmeet when she can't develop herself to be in the best form?

Na dem sabi.

Correcto:
The bolded is a fact.

I asked the poster meaning of something, you said it is fact.

Did I dispute the 'correctness' or lack of?

In this instance, what does 'we don't have women like our mothers' mean since you want to answer on his behalf?

excanny:
We don't have women again o like our mothers. All these slay queens know now is money and sex.

No values whatsoever. Maybe not all tho.

What do you mean by the bold?

graciousolo:
"It is written that men are polygamous" this is your justification for choosing to remarry but, denying your spouse and widowed mother the opportunity to. Wherever that came from is evil.




It baffles me that our generation with all the information we are privy to and opportunities to unlearn and relearn still have myopic people even with tertiary degrees.
Don't you think your mom deserves companion and yes, even sex too especially if she wants it?


Don't you care about her happiness?

How does her getting remarried bother you? You still dey suck breast?

If you were a woman would you like to be subjugated just because of your gender?

Honestly, I think that girl is very lucky you are not together. She escaped a big narcissistic baby.

I would congratulate her if I knew her.

Mvici:
people's tradition sometimes matters, am just talking about after 30yrs in marriage, already have a child....what next will she be looking for when her child can still give her ground children, people's body and soul are different anyway especially when the man she marry was the only person that has gone down with her and maybe tradition and religion and what people will say

Which religion or culture stops a widow from re-marrying if they desire?

I am only aware some cultures might have 'compulsory' mourning periods.

Mvici:
I Lost Confidence In My Girlfriend The Moment She Asked Me To Marry For My Mother.

I had a girlfriend some few months back before the covid 19 outbreak, that was after we went home from school due to the strike and the pandemic, we both are in the same school which is IBB university lapai, in our final.

So at home this faithful day, I put a call through! We both were talking, laughing on phone, so she ask about my mum, I said she was fine and she now ask abt her loneliness because no one at home, I told her but I'm still here with her, she ask what if school resume and what if we should go for our service next year, she now told me to marry another man for my mum.... lol... telling me who knows" that my mum might like the idea if I should table it with her. Gosh! I actually laughed about it then on phone with her but inside me, it wasn't funny at all.

The next day, what she told me was still bordering me, so many things were just running on my mind...so even if by mistake I wife her in future and the Lord decide to take me when we have a grown up child like me, who is planning on becoming a graduate this year and have even spent 30 years in marriage already....she won't even mourn me for long before accepting another man's proposal or bleeping with another man or probably her one time ex.

I decided to ask my mum with play, mum be sincere to me, you and my dad have been married since far back 1986... U both were in marriage for about 30 yrs before he past away few years ago, may his soul rest in peace..this is 5yrs now are you considering on marrying any one or having any kind of body movement or even can stand the presence of another man in your life?

Guess what her reply was....
Mum said my dad was the only man she know in her life and that's how it going to remain by God grace, period! and I shouldn't ask her such again with cry/smiles on her face because she has me and I will give her groundchil........

Seriously I don't know why I brought this here but pls tell me, any girl that can ask a 52 Year old woman to re_marry even after she has a child, isn't it clear that she can't stay without having sex to anyone as long as her husband is on a peace keeping mission or even travel abroad?

Thanks everyone.

The age the Bible considered for widows to be considered for welfare aka (not getting married again) is 60 years.

Your GF raised a valid point, does your mother have activities to keep her engaged?

It seems you both don't think on the same plane or maybe you haven't achieved the intimacy necessary to discuss certain topics.

The moment a spouse dies, the living partner is as free as a bird to re-marry if they wish.

Marriage vows is 'still death do us part.'

I hope you have such lofty ideals for when the husband is the widower.

notoracism:
It has always been bad, he is not good with words, only good at saying sorry.

If your husband has always been like this?

What is the trigger for change?

You now earn more than him? Talk to your bank reps to help you invest major part of your salary.

My people say 'what you won't take as a rich man, you reject while you are still poor.'

If you felt offended by your husband not adding you to the previous building projects, you should have voiced out.

Since you didn't, you signaled you are fine with 'contributing' to a project that doesn't have your name on it.

He is building another one and expecting you to perform as usual.

If you have enough to spare, you can send him something really small and invest the rest (it is called 'gba je n simi') . Talk to seasoned financial advisers: you don't want to lose your money wi trying to secure it.

Like others have said, do not buy the house he knows about else you will open part 2:

'My husband wants me to add his name to my house while he has several in his name.'

I 'suspect' this thread anyways.

matinos28:
if you scroll up, I bet you will see closing balance

Hahahahahahahaha!

The babes look alike.

J111333:
Honesty, the matter tie wrapper but I'm only interested in saving the little kid.

Talking to the woman may result in insults and the husband seeing the dude as wife snatcher. Reporting to police at this time will be going too far too.

I have a feeling there's something about the kid especially her bloodline because I hardly hear that ladies abuse their own biological daughters.

Like others opined, the daughter might be reminder of her choice to marry the husband especially if she was conceived outside wedlock.

Except the OP had the power to save that girl on the long term (move her from there etc), he needs to be very careful so he doesn't win the battle and lose the war or become a causalty of the war himself.

Cases like this are best solved by the OP placating the mother or the landlady befriending the girl from a motherly point of view.

Reporting to the police solves nothing except the Police can find a foster home for the girl (and they are 100% sure she will be treated better than she is at home). Or would they return the girl back to be with th mother punished for her sake and expect peace?

Telling the husband who has lost the moral standing to address anything in the home would make the wife worse to the girl when the husband is not around.

The OP pokes his nose too much in their matter and the mother screams one day that the OP is 'trying' to rape her daughter. The OP's own don done be that.

Tripitaka:
I do not think the woman's qualms is with the daughter; actually it is the man that she despises, the girl is simply collateral damage. She probably serves as a painful reminder to the mother of a terrible decision she took in marrying the father, worse so, the fact that you said she feels helpless. There is no anger worse than a subdued one, so you just unleash on the available target. Perhaps she got pregnant for the man and had to marry him. The pregnancy begot the girl. To her, if not for the girl, she won't be in such a beleaguered marriage as hers. This is my conjecture.

In a typical African family setting, there is a thin line between training and abuse, but somehow we have come to extol, normalize and institutionalize the latter. The popular line is "You cant love a child more than the parents", while forgetting that love is always conditional and can be predicated on certain enabling factors which if absent could point to a mirage of love. In the name of "training", a host of African parents bring to bear their marital frustrations, government vexation, perceived spiritual failings and financial inadequacies on their children and call it training.

What do I think you should do? The logical me would ask you to stay out of it; self preservation trumps every other need (I'm sure you've read of cases of false child rape). The emotional me on the other hand would ask you to talk to the woman, NOT the husband. If you talk to the man, it will further cause problems in their marriage and you will be blamed for it. Talk to the woman, tell her you understand how children of nowadays are (you can even lie that your nephew behaves in same way). But remind her that the girl is still young and would learn. You may also need to point out certain positive traits you've seen in the girl like how she does chores that other kids of her age may not be able to do.

In all, do not court controversies with your neighbours, its never a good thing. Unless you're up for it.

@Creolehunt:

While at it, be very careful and ensure there is nothing suspicious that can be tied to you.

We don't want to hear 'Neighbor rapes 9 year old girl' tomorrow.

Nothing would hear your side that it is a false accusation from a bitter mother before lynching you.

Or better still, let the landlord's wife befriend the girl and treat her like a daughter, it wouldn't be out of place.

J111333:
Please talk to the husband about the abuse but never get yourself involved in their marital issues.

Report the abuse to him blaming it on the kid's mistakes, never blame the wife biko. You go just increase their marital wahala.

Talking to the husband is proverbially digging the daughter's grave.

kalufelix:
True that.. She should have let another ear be a witness not necessarily her man. Maybe she was waiting for the right time... There was a time i was overpaid. I told my close friend this is not my salary... We just went out and drank a few bottles and that was it till today... I am just shocked the way people are calling for her head

The right thing to do is to return the money without a prompt or refund any money overpaid.

However, I understand that this is Nigeria and people throw integrity and morals out of the window when it comes to money.

What shocks me is her blatant denial even when the hubby to be initially called her.

frozen70:
For the fact that the mistake was done, she was notified by the bank to return it, dmshe declined despite that she moved the money to another account makes me feel she has nothing to protect not even her name

Even the guy called her she denied before accepting it

I doubt her sincerity

My worry too.

kalufelix:
You say she is 'hardened' because she moved the funds... I like to use the word 'smart' .... See, all these is because she is a woman... I like the last part of your comment. The money may have intimidated the husband to be and made him insecure typical of nigerian men who like to sit on top of their woman... Forgetting that the babe will support the wedding expenses directly or indirectly from those funds and even beyond...infact she should be dumping that man ASAP...he doesn't want her progress and not worth being her husband.

Nope, she is hardened because her husband to be had to cajole her before she confessed.

I don't think it is about men/women either. I am sure the lady would feel same way if the guy did the same thing.

These are two people who are supposedly getting married. I am expecting that the girl would have told the guy about the 'blessing' before the bank reached out to him.

kalufelix:
still not a near enough reason to cancel a wedding... If your wife or husband cannot partner you in crime who else will... let the teller pay for the mistake and learn a lesson

Human beings sha!

You have never made a mistake at work abi?

@OP:

The wife to be lacks integrity, YES!
Is she hardened, YES!

The bank had to call her and call her NOK who had to pressure her before she confessed.

However, for a Nigerian to consider calling off a wedding because the babe moved the money to another account is 'RARE'!

Hmmmmmm.

CanadaOrBust:
Au contraire, there is always need for that. That’s one thing many girls don’t realise, the biggest fear many men have about marriage is losing their freedom. A smart girl will assuage that fear by telling them they can still have that, then after marriage gradually teach him the truth - that all he really needs is u and the kids

Please define this 'freedom'?

This is what we call 'your works speak for you'.

No need for advert, her body says it all.

@arrest: Does she have the appropriate licenses to be a body shaper? Does her hospital practices meet the regulatory standards set for her field?

Was the botched procedure properly done and all tests carried out?

If yes, I don't see a need for the arrest.

northvietnam:
What does Anu mean

Mercy

thorpido:
The girl doesn't need to test.
The guy himself brought his report card showing F9.

Won to gba penalty lo throwing.

Gen Gen Gen rebe rebe rebe

The mind some people have.

Instead of him to still be proving he has changed, he is testing mic upandan.

Munzy14:
Is this 2013 version of watsaap?.


To the bone of context, In one statement, the guy took a foolish risk because of his insecurities.


In another statement, you have won his 100% trust.

But, he foolishly placed the ball in your court with full authority, only if he will realize how much of a damage his insecurities has cauSed him... He handed his mumu button to you on a platter of gold.


The truth is some of this guys attacking him, do this in secret if they want to verify their lady. See them calling him names like say they're holy nweje.

Even, some of the ladies attacking him as well, aren't aware their boyfriends are running same game on them, some might be falling and cleaning mouth not knowing their bubble have burst, only for them to begin to wonder y brother Titus they have plan life with ahead, started keeping secrets and withdrawing gradually as time to settle down approaches.


As, you presented yours here, they will use it to massage their ego..

Finally, this is a relationship matter, you know it doesn't involve third party hear say... The decision is left for you and him. He messed.

@bold:

Hahahahahahaha!

Mayng01:
You too can return the favor as well & see who is truly loyal. You or him. Get a pretty friend of yours as well & set him up. That will be 50/ 50. If he fails, end the relationship, if He passes, continue with him , you will both last in marriage.

Someone that has cheated twice?

He has marked his script o jare.

Virginnn:
Let the game begin.
Go and tell the stupid friend that you have agreed.


Let's see if he is a good friend to Ebube.

Una too like drama

Test 102.

thorpido:
To the lady here,I hope you know what to do
I think your boyfriend is a fool.

Why na?

Was he the one that told the girl not to test