₦airaland Forum

sassysure:
Did they conduct autopsy?
Who ruled it was rape?

We need to start asking questions instead of being emotional cos being emotional don't solve the problem

When the story broke, I asked questions but trust emotional NLers to becloud logic with emotions.

For rapists to track a girl to the Church and rape/kill her?

Very unbelievable.

safarigirl:
Dispatch rider that has absconded?

LOL.

How will he not abscond?

If Madam left media clout and immediately called the dispatch company at the hospital, they would have detained him or traced him.

It is still not too late. By the time they question his guarantors, next of kin, obtain police report to trace his frequently called numbers etc, they will produce him or someone they can use as a leverage to get him.

If they are WILLING to do the DIRTY, HARD work BEHIND the spotlight of the media, they will fish him out and lock him up.

If it is media judgement they want, they have gotten it.

Shebi Luth has given the gbas gbos and matter has died?

Who has asked about the girl or her state of mind?

TheCongo2:
So, what would you suggest? Not to help him?

Same thing you would suggest if the genders were switched.

I knew there was more to the Madam's story.

If she really wanted healing and justice for her salesgirl, Twitter was not the next point of call.

Has the salesgirl been treated and helped? Has the dispatch rider been arrested?

Janelle08:
There was a couple whose marriage is barely 5 yrs. Before marriage, the wife was a successful businesswoman and all through the marriage, she has been supporting at home front and even her husband dwindling business.


Recently, she planned to pull out a huge amount of money from her business to give her husband to start over again. More like 40% of her working capital (7 figures). She wanted to gift it to him as a surprise birthday present. But she got the shock of her life. Her presumed faithful, over religious husband was having an affair and was all over Facebook flirting and sexting single girls.



Wife trusted him completely that she never snoop on his phone nor pick his calls. His dirts come to light when she discovered that he was been too possessive of his phone, apprehensive when she touches it, hide it stacks of clothes etc. The detective in her kicks in. And she saw things she would never have imagined.




Nairaland married folks, come and table this matter. If you are the wife, what will you do?

How far the child he wanted you guys to adopt?

TheCongo2:
OP, the wife should still help the husband if she can. Issues that prompted the husband to flirt should be addressed. Maybe the husband is flirting out of frustration. Maybe the wife is sex starving him

Hmmmmm.

Hopefully, you are this 'understanding' if it was a cheating wife

Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.

dominique:
Being respectful, being sensitive, being considerate to their partners. A lot of our men are lacking in these. They believe all they have to do is make money. Some of them don't even respect their parents. It's very wrong to raise a child in a way that only specific things are expected of them in life

True.

But if generations of men lack the qualities above and still get married in quantum, could it be that most don't really fancy those qualities?

Hmmmmmmm.

phemmyfour:
Good, by June 12 when we ll be discussing Abiola vs Ibb vs Abacha on this forum.......no follow dem argue o

He was probably not born then.

Ishilove:
If you are working I don't see why you can't make your own darned hair with your money. Let whatever financial support your man gives you be in the form of gifts, and not because he is obligated or you demanded like the leech you are.

Women like Cynthia give hardworking, independent women a bad name

What does independent woman mean?

emmaodet:
[/b]

Hmmmmmmm
But a large percentage of men fall into this category.

How many men consider a woman's ability to support their vision when marrying a wife?

It is how to cook, clean and vargin only.

But again, an average Nigerian man is not marrying because he wants someone to support his vision: he is marrying because he wants someone to cook, clean and birth his kids.

Would have said sex however, they have decided from the get go that only Egusi soup is not enough for them.

Ybaby:
How do you mean it does not make sense?

I totally agree with you

I say same thing here a lot and it has a lot of monikers in stitches.

Maybe coming from you, they will pay heed.

This article surfaces every year

IT is timeless anyways.

You made a point:

Most billionaires in the West worked for it, most billionaires in Nigeria steal theirs.

Biko, how do you expect same spending pattern when the sources of funds are different?

Ybaby:
The violent taketh it by force.

The reason why they are currently shouting black lives matter is because left to the oppressors, life is good and they have nothing to lose for one man to use his knee to kill another man in broad day light when there is no war.

I say this because many women are waiting for oppressor kind of men to appreciate them and acknowledge them - my advise will be that women take thier life in thier own hands by having standards and adhering strictly to those standards , lobbying for better laws for women and making sure they avoid marrying downright mad men.

See the rape accusations flying around will let you know too many badly behaved men with nothing to lose, as a woman be devious .... Eve made Adam eat that apple, Eve made friends with the serpent, Lilth was even worse than Eve, Delilah conquered Samson...... you have power .... alot of power as a woman. Be good but if threatened be devious!

@bold:

Perhaps from another person, it would make sense.

Many women are waiting for oppressor kind of men to appreciate them and acknowledge them

You see the bold above?

El classico!

You don't marry a mad man and except sanity.

sassysure:
I love to respect people's culture but in this, I'm strongly against my people as it has destroyed many homes and people. We should do away with it jor.

It is not the culture, it is the people who decide to uphold the culture whether abolished/dumped or not.

Lack of male kids have destroyed many many homes.

I remember growing up, there was a woman who had five girls. Her husband married another wife who had Junior the king of the house. The first wife was broken because the 2nd wife and husband would play 'love' around the house, bath together, eat together etc.

The guy even opened a shop for the 2nd wife.

It was sad sad sad.

A neighbor then killed a cow when he birthed his son. And used chicken for the daughter's naming. Or people who keep having kids till they birth the illusive boy.

zionmde:
these are dark times for the female gender
I suggest parents live up to their responsibilities of protecting their kids. Buy pepper spray for every girl and also bring someone who could teach them simple defensive mechanisms,
Declare curfew for ur female kids maybe from 8pm to 6am.
Teach them decency in dressing
Sex education tilting towards rape should be introduced into our curriculum from primary 1 if possible
the world is evolving towards a negative direction

When i give birth to a daughter, she will carry an alarm everywhere she goes, an alarm that is very easy to trigger and that will scare attackers away


Yes we all hate armed robbers, but the only thing we can do is to protect ourselves thats why we fix burglaries in our homes.
As long as men exists, there must be rapists, while we cry for capital punishment against rapists we should also devise defensive mechanisms

I will not say only, I will say major.

sassysure:
I really love this.
This male child of a thing is a pandemic in igboland. The sole reason we have baby factory everywhere.

Culture evolves. Though it may take time but we are getting there slowly. They are seriously o erhauling all these cultural practices that put husband and wife in bondage or a family as a whole.

Culture/Society is made up of people and people would always hold on to what makes sense to them.

I know some people with two girls and fine; I know about three families who have just one child (girl) and have stopped birthing kids. And I know others who have two/three girls and are very uneasy like they have an issue.

Someone even told me that her marriage greatly improved as soon as she had her son.

People should just find their level jare.

mhizgracie22:
"I'm better off without you", "I like the woman I'm becoming". Do these statements ring a bell? Many of us have come across quotes like this on WhatsApp, Facebook and so on. Whenever we see quotes like this, the first thing that comes to mind is that the individual who posted it, just got out of a relationship.

I find it funny that after a break up, most people try to prove that they're over their exes by posting motivational quotes like the ones above or memes aimed at making their exes feel uncomfortable. For example, a girl who just got out of a relationship with a stingy guy may constantly post memes condemning stingy guys on her WhatsApp status, hoping her ex will see it and feel bad. Or a girl who just got out of a relationship with a guy who constantly ignored her, may start posting motivational quotes like "Don't force yourself on anybody", "don't settle for less", "don't stay where you are not wanted" etc immediately after the breakup.

If you really want to give your ex the impression that you're over them, posting memes and motivational quotes is not the way. The best way to do that is to act like nothing happened, and that should also reflect in what you post on your WhatsApp status or anywhere else. Post normal stuff, don't post anything relating to breakups or relationships. When you constantly post motivational quotes after a breakup, it gives your ex the impression that you're still thinking about them and that you're still hurt. But when you act like nothing happened, it makes your ex wonder if they ever meant anything to you (I'm talking from experience).

You should also avoid making your ex feel that you hate them, scientists say that our pupils dilate when we see someone we love or someone we hate, so when you hate someone, they still have an effect on you physically, mentally and emotionally. It's better for your ex to think that you've forgotten about them than to think that you hate them. I've actually met a guy who was satisfied with the fact that his ex girlfriend still hated him, he said her hatred was proof that she was not over him yet. They later got back together but the bottom line is that when you harbour hatred for an ex, it means you're not over them completely.

You may never want to get back together with them, but they still have a strong effect on you and your mood, so try as much as possible to forget, not hate. Some people might hurt you so much that you can't even control your hatred for them, take all the time you need to heal from the pain, but don't make it obvious to them that you hate them, you don't have to put on a fake smile when you see them, just be civil, avoid sounding angry or bitter. *This is just my opinion, not a fact, do whatever you think is best for you*

Note: you should only do all this if you want to give your ex the impression that you've moved on, if you want to hash out the problems between you and your ex, there is no need to act like you don't care about them anymore but play it cool so you don't seem desperate. Also, if the issue that resulted in the breakup is a very serious one, it's better to discuss it and iron it out than to act like nothing happened.

Nice one.

zeemahn:
I understand your point. But remember that...

First, the story stated that the victim and her boss have obtained a doctors report to show that she was forcefully penetratred.

Secondly, I had once returned an item I got from konga to their store. Because of the nature of my work and how unfamiliar I was with the environment, I got to the place by around after 5pm. The area was not so isolated but it consisted of businesses that close around 4pm. When I got into the store, it was empty except for 1 sales girl / receptionist (I don't know what to call her). If anything had happened inside, nobody would have heard her screaming. To make my story more believable, I could share the location so that you will investigate.

We should not rush to make comments until we get the full story.

Did you read the post you quoted?

I think you should take your own advise.

I did not dispute the occurrence of rape, afterall, the hospital proved forceful penetration.

I said the story was strange and asked a lot of probing questions.

If the story is not strange to you, it is very strange to me.

I still insist that if the Madam is serious about justice, it is just to call the dispatch company and tender her evidence.

They will sack/suspend the guy immediately and hand him over to the police asap.

In fact, they had the sperm sample, simple DNA would establish he had sex with her: forceful penetration will colloborate the story of rape. The rider would now have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the sex was consensual.

Let it now be the police messed up the case and we take it from there.

The father disowned the girl, the hospital said they will not treat her until she drops the case.

Seriously?

This story is very very strange.

How can a dispatch rider rape a sales girl in a shop? In daylight??

Why did the hospital not treat the girl after establishing the fact she was forcefully penetrated? Why do they need them to drop the case before commencing treatment?

The Police: after presenting the evidence, why did they still doubt the story? Refuse to log it with the DPO?

Why did the madam not report immediately to the dispatch company? They would fish out the rider fastest.

@Father: why did he disown her?

There can be no help if people embellish stories for media clout.

If all the madam wanted was justice, the first thing was to call the dispatch company who would have dragged him to the station themselves.

sassysure:
It's even females that take care of their aged parents more.

There is one thing we don't understand. Male children tend to loose their names actually in family tree.

E.g., my husband's name is emeka, his dad is ugochukwu, their surname is Obi. Now check out who is actually the obi, it will be like 6th or 8th generation. So what happened to the sons after obi to my husband's name? All gone to oblivion. Nobody recognises them anymore.

As time goes on, I'm changing the surname of my kids to their fathers name. I asked him about the name of the man they bear and he couldn't give me any answer. Can't give my kids name they don't have any relationship with.

So are we really preserving the names of the males in the family?

Some part of my family have started answering their fathers names. People know them as children of Mr A of B and C family, C being the surname we were known with while B is the name of the man who gave birth to A. Maybe in another 2 generations, the present B and C will be replaced with new ones. That way, people are not easily forgotten as soon as they did, and you can trace your genealogy easily.
I noticed this is becoming common in my place.

Urbanization and individualistic living has watered down the cultural 'advantages' of having a male child.

For we Yorubas that a child may never step foot in the village more than twice, of what use is a man/female child to 'take care' of your house like in the olden days?

And if the surname doesn't ring a bell or isn't a notable one, who cares? Enter Ogun state and shout 'Adesina' if 10,000 unrelated people would not respond back.

Each person should instead work towards building enduring legacies (not everyone can/will) for remembrance.

Ybaby:

He will not believe you sef.... I have invested too much good will with the man.

He is pamperedly spoilt.

@bold:

So good to hear.

God bless your home and continually increase his pockets.

Ybaby:
He too puts the kids before me.... if I need extra money I use the kids needs to get it..... because he may not answer me

Two ge four ni yen.

CrazyCrane:
then they ain't lucky but blessed...
I wish mine was the same

People have advised you on what to do.

If you crave for a better relationship with them, initiate it.

Create a what'sapp group, visit them, call them, ask for their inputs in stuffs etc etc.

Ybaby:
I agree with all except the kids above husband part

My kids come first - I lie to my husband that he comes first but my precious EGGS come first

Anonymous forum so I can speak the truth

Give me your husband's number, I want to confirm something

Ybaby:
If a wife does not give hubby consent he must respect her decision

If a hubby refuses to pay Bill's because he is stressed from not emptying his tank then she must respect his decision

You are a clown.

anslem04:
Seeing it as its is holds no water, except you intentionally fail to understand these is africa, somethings will never change, as a matter of fact culture is an uncontrollable factor, whether you accept or not, it will alway affect our lives as long as our endeavors depend or involve 2nd & 3rd parties. Lets stop acting as if we've out grown this problem, if the hubby is not concern, his sibling or immediately family are overzealously concern, if they're not , there neighbors are joblessly concern, cognizance of this as environmental factor should tell, it will alway influence or affect our lives except we don't find ourselves in these environment. OP is not luck

Except you miss quoted me, I agreed with the poster why the mother was the way she was.

Did I endorse the mother's behavior? A lot of posters have advised the OP on what on do.

I like to understand the root cause to proffer the right solution.

I don't treat symptoms, I treat the disease.

If the mother is afraid because of her own experience, a reassurance from the husband would be a great deal.

The show of praying the baby changes sex might be a show for the husband to tell him that they are doing something.

If after that, the mother is still carrying the matter on her head, then there is more than meets the eyes and she can relate with her mother from afar.

In all of this, the husband who is a major stakeholder has not said anything.

Not everything is done from a place of 'fight'. Some people have good intentions with bad execution.

Ybaby:
Not loud enough!

Anambra men =providers

Stroke his ego and double stroke his peepee you are good

When she is not always in the mood and not giving him consent.

People need to shine their eyes well well otherwise expectations go enter express.

Ybaby:
A woman can be anything she wants to be but if she chooses to be a mum then her priority is with her young children then her provider husband and her money earning ventures - her mental state is no 1, her kids mental state is next and in trying to achieve these 2 , she will soon realise that a provider man allows her to achieve this 2 goals and when she has him - in gratitude she will look after him, give him vision and possibilities, show him opportunities, pray for him, strike his ego, sing his praise....... his success is her success, they are a team, everything (except pay bills) to make him feel capable so she can achieve her 2 goals - her kids and herself.

Sounds selfish abi.... ? The soil looks selfish when it is taking the farmer' seed, sweat and water - however give the soil a few days or months (depending on the farmers seed) she, the soil, mother nature will give him farmer her harvest, multiplication, abundance. You give her no seed and expect her to produce...... lol..... she will give you weeds, badly untrained kids, dirty unkempt house, wife who is NOT attentive or devoted, cheating wife trying to make ends meet, rude wife.

Alot of young men insisting on sharing bills dont really know what they are asking for... it looks good on paper but in real life you are asking a soil for harvest without seeding it, asking a wife not to cheat without providing, asking a woman for child without seeding her etc

Seed your woman and get your harvest. Ko je ju be ye no lo.

Ire o!

So your order is:
1. Kids (or is young? )
2. Husband (earning)
3. Money making ventures.

Well, my order is
1. Husband
2. Kids
3. MMV

@ bold,

Baby girls are becoming too woke to do that .

Interestingly, I am not so keen on a wife doing the basic domestics (which can be contracted apart from cooking), the above you listed are the stuffs I believe are the roles of a wife irrespective of earning power.

I don't think a husband's investment on his wife is selfish. That is one of the duties of a husband. A wife is naturally resourceful and should be able to spin raw resources from her husband into beautiful finished products.

A man's love nourishes a woman, that woman in turn takes care of that man.

I got this revelation in 2012.

NoToPile:
Fear is such a terrible thing and its making your mother act so irrationally. She doesn't want what happened to her to happen to you, its not like marriages with sons don't breakup. Just ignore her please.

Carrying a pregnancy itself is extremely stressful already then adding all these wahala to it, I just can't relate abeg.

Thank you for seeing it as it is.

gentlekay2017:
I'm not new to nairaland but I decided to join today because of my present dilemma. Kindly assist me my people, I need sound advice. I met Cynthia last year, precisely July 27 at a friend's wedding in Ibadan, Oyo State. Very beautiful, amiable and well educated. I have a serious issue against Cynthia, I am a struggling civil servant and investor. I'm presently investing my meagre salary of less than 90k monthly on a livestock feed milling and feed sales business. I'm an animal scientist by training and if well managed, feed milling business can become very prosperous in few years. I am jealously guarding the investment to the extent that I decided to deny myself of pleasures for now. The only vehicle I drive is an old model Hilux which I also use for the business. It was donated to me as near scrap by my former employer who relocated to US with his family in 2017. It was this my employer who was running the business before he sold everything and moved to US. I couldn't raise the money needed to buy some of his equipment and rent the warehouse he was using then, therefore I had to start mine from a makeshift warehouse which I'm now building up gradually. The business isn't doing badly even though it requires a huge capital which I don't have, therefore, I'm seriously bidding my time, doing cooperative, ajo and all those stuffs. My intention is to get married later this year or early next year. I am 34 going to 35 by October. I really need an understanding young lady who will grow with me. Cynthia started making frivolous financial demands since December last year. Money for her rent, hairdo, travels, new phones, birthday bash, this and that. I'm already tired about her frequent pestering and nagging each time I can't meet her demands. She works as a contract staff in a bank with very meagre salary. I tried to augment her salary but she didn't really see reason why she can't live big now. I have sat her down to explain things to her in details more than 10 times but she often come around with the same problem, money. I must confess that Cynthia is very beautiful, courteous and presentable. My mother and 3 sisters loves her so much. It's like she doesn't believe in my dreams and aspirations which I'm sure will definitely lead us to a very prosperous life in few years. I've stopped picking her calls for two weeks now, she came around to the feedmill today to ask about her offence and I didn't mince words in telling her that my goals and aspirations are so paramount to me for now and since she's not interested in it, I'm taking my time to re-access the relationship with a view to determining whether I'm going on with her or not. She left dejected without uttering a word.
I got home from work to begin to think deeply if I'm not wrong with my decision.
Please advise me, I'm confused.

Would Cynthia make a good wife to you?

NOPE!

She is not resourceful, doesn't share your vision, doesn't support it, is not content with what she has, does not appreciate what you are giving her etc.

What exactly are you considering about her?

You need a wife that would be your anchor to the promised land.

A warning though: when you blow, don't leave a wife you needed and used for the one you want.

nahzyla:
WHEN A WOMAN BECOMES A LIABILITY.

Ever heard statements like: "I must have a job before getting married, I don't want to be a liability to any man". Or "I can't be a full time house wife ooo, I don't want to be a liability to any man". Sometimes parents tell their daughters; you must finish your education and get a job before you think of marriage. I don't want my daughter to be a liability to any man. I have come to discover that this is the mindset a vast majority of people today.

I asked a lady quite close to me. "when does a woman become a liability to her husband? " Due to the fact that she knows me quite well and knows that I don't just ask questions any how, she didn't give me an answer that day. She had to think deeply. She asked her younger sister the same question and she quickly replied without thinking "when she does not have a job. Her mum and a friend of hers gave exactly the same answer.

I have had course to hear statements like these in the past and a bit more frequently in recent times and I seemed to agree with it but as I began to hear it more frequently in recent times I found myself subconsciously thinking about it in... guess where? In the bathroom and toilet (sorry to mention that, some of my deepest inspiration come to me in that room). Winks*

Then the big question: Does the fact that a woman is not working and contributing financially to the up keep of the home make her a liability to her husband or the home?

Now, Mr. Man, you have a wife that loves you so much. She spends time praying for you, committing your day to God's hand, sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night to find her petitioning heaven for the family, she wakes up as early as 4 or 5 am to make sure you are set for the day's job and whispers word of encouragement to you just before you leave for work, when you get back tired and when you are discouraged.

In addition, since you married her, you hardly ever eat outside because she is such a good cook and you always eat at the right time. She even gives you a lunch pack. God has also blessed you with beautiful kids through her and those kids are well fed, taken care of, always neat and well brought up.

This woman does not make it a habit of denying you your conjugal right (sex) giving you one excuse or the other. You also confess that whenever you take your problems to her, she has a way of making your problem look so small or even go away. She is also a very good manager of resources.

Not withstanding, there is one major issue. She has no job and does not contribute to the financial upkeep of the family. Does this make her a Liability?

I looked up the word liability in the Oxford Advanced Learner dictionary and I saw three different definitions. The one that relates to the matter of discourse is that a liability is something that causes problems (in summary). I also went into the scriptures to understand the role of the man and the woman in the family and I realise that women should primarily be "keepers at home" while men should primarily be "the Providers" for the home. 1st Timothy 5:8; Titus 2:5. Biblically, a woman who has succeeded in doing the above cannot be called a liability whether she contributes financially to the family up keep or not.

Let me buttress with this example. We primarily use phones for keeping in touch with people either by calls, SMS, chats etc. Now, I purchased a simple touch lite Nokia and it helps me to keep in touch with people without any problem. Then I saw some phones that have features like gprs, scientific calculators, internet etc. Does that make my nokia phone a liability? If I now get a phone that have those other features and then the primary function of keeping in touch is malfunctioning, which of these two phones now become a liability?

For me, a woman should be actively engaged in one career, job, trade etc or the other but not for the sole purpose of
contributing to family upkeep. That is the primary role of the man. If as a man, you have a woman that supports financially, it is just an extra feature for you and it remains only an asset to you as long as it does not disturb the primary role of the woman. If it does, your working class wife is fast becoming a liability.

I hereby come to the following conclusion:
1. That a woman does not have a formal job or contribute to the financial up keep of the home does not make her a liability. In short it is the man who cannot adequately take care of the needs of the family that is becoming a liability.

2. Any woman can be a liability whether working and contributing to family finance or not. It is a function of her primary role, not the added features.

I stand to be corrected.

#Copied

Interesting, refreshing, out of the box discussion.

We need more of that here.

There was a time I thought a woman not earning is a liability and spoke against housewives till I researched more and listened to the points of two great ladies here.

A woman's asset is to be resourceful and a good manager of resources whether she earns or not.

I will however say that everyone has a purpose and they should strive to fulfill it.

There is far more to our existence than just earning/working and home keeping.

Modified:

1 Tim 5:8 is not talking of male provision: it is talking of people (younger men & women) providing for their aged widows. Infact, the major charge of provision for widows was to Christian wives.

Also, I do not see anywhere in the Bible the talks against women earning outside the home. We have the likes of the virtuous woman, Lydia, Priscilla, Deborah etc.

I believe the man a woman is married too greatly influences the choice of working and type of work.

For instance, we do not expect a Mrs. Buhari or Mrs. Adeboye or Mrs. Oyedepo or Mrs. Sanwo-olu to have 9 - 5 or even businesses that require their constant input. Their husbands have big enough Portfolios that they need to really really support.

A diplomat's wife might take on earning that offers flexibility so she can really control her time etc.