₦airaland Forum

MrBrownJay1:
Sad truth about life....

Very very.

Iogobenz:
highly unlikely.
Then why are they still with the man then?

I wish I knew.

This particular woman was a highly placed woman.

I know a number also doing well, can stand on their own and still endure nonsense.

Some even finance the homes more than their husbands earning 2x.

I know some who bought houses with hubby without seeing the papers.

I laugh when the average NL guy assumes most husbands are the sole providers.

Preye001:
Good morning everyone. I brought this here because I need advise from matured people. I don't know if I am normal and this calls for concern because I am feeling I am going to be having this same issues in marriage.

I am single and in my late twenties. Virtually all the guys I dated when I was younger, say from 16-24 are asking me out again. The first guy I dated when I actually started dating @16 and I are friends now and I know he wants more than that. One I had a fling thing with @19 won't let me rest. This one even threatens me of never going to be free from him. Now, the very serious one I had that almost lead to marriage is back after 4yrs asking me out again. Though, I am in a relationship and I love this guy but I can't tell if it's heading anywhere. What do I do? How I handle this recurring issue? Why are men such confused beings?


Cc: Lalasticlala

If you are not sure of current BF and you are interested in marriage, please break up if no meaningful feedback after engagement.

With clear head, pray and meditate.

While at it, cut off from all your exs. If after genuflection one of them is qualified, re-evaluate why he was an ex and trash it.

Be careful, they might really be here for warmth.

Safitu:
What a weird and stupid thread

Wierd? Maybe.
Stupid? That is harsh.

Iogobenz:
boasting how?
So you can't deduce that any woman in this kind of marriage without love is in it for the money?

Not always true.

I have seen women who are sole breadwinners still stay with abusive husbands.

Catbabie:
We got married married early this year,our wedding is not up to 6months then my husband is being cheating on me with his female colleagues.
He introduced the lady to me,we becomes friends,eat together,play together, gist together. she will visit me and I will also visit her family.
Mind you the lady is legally married with 2 kids.
So how do you except me to know she is dating my husband. she came to my weddings with her kids despite the long distance to the village for the wedding.
How I caught them?
My husband has been keeping his phone away from me since we got married but it never occur to me that he his cheating on me.
So on a faithful Friday night I do a vigil watching holy ghost Congress on dove TV which I slept late.I saw my hubby phone playing candy crush with light on,I checked his phone saw his chat with other girls found nothing so I decided to check my friend chat with my hubby only to receive shock of my life.
They had sex yes,everywhere,even in my matrimonial home,offices,the lady matrimonial house e.t.c
My hubby will told me that they sent him to ekiti from work only to find from their chats that he used to go with the lady to ekiti with the lady to have nice weekend.
To caught the long story short...my hubby beg me and the lady after being caught but they didn't stop.They continue their love affair's, always online at the same time chatting and my hubby still hides his phone from me.I even caught them on the road together while going to flex they were shock to see me and they claim they are not seeing each other anymore.
Have forgiven both of them but its hurt me that I haven't enjoy my husband to myself for a day after our wedding. Have been sharing him and they are not ready to stop.
Now my questions is,should I tell the lady husband? So she can leave my hubby alone bcs they believe is only me that sha know that the lady hubby didn't know.
Please advice me...am hurt,depress and frustrated

If you report the wife to her husband, worst case he divorces her.

It does not stop youf husband from picking another lady or sticking closer to the current one.

You have three choices:

1. Take it as all Nigerian husbands cheat and face your kids, live your life bla bla advises that breeds psychotic and bitter older women

2. Decide to forgive and address why he is cheating. A response to your shortcomings? Habitual? charmed? Blackmailed? Thinks he can get away with it? Greed? Etc.This would help to ensure it does not happen again.

3. Divorce/separate and start the whole dating all over again.

All these people endorsing adultery, are they not scared of diseases, spiritual and physical?

She has extremely beautiful and brilliant kids

Adakintroy2:
When you know many women still get small children brain is when you think of childhood. When they give us sweets. We won't lick it inside but first go out to show it to other children. Not like we want to share oo. Just to arouse their interest.

That's how many women act with men. They get a new man and they will first show it to the world on media to arouse jelousy. Not that they intend sharing. This one done DE do people longer throat with her man.

If some girls want wicked her. Them go just weleh that him man fuckkk am then post am. Make she rest small.

Errrrrr

She has been married for 16yrs and has a very cute son out of high school.

Instablog carried that he was the valedictorian of his set.

Mrjo:
so in your tribe women occupied their fathers house?

Do sons occupy their father's house?

BabaAduras:
If what is written about her is correct, then her soul cannot rest is peace.

Let's us stop this type of hypocrisy please.

Baba Aduras Don vex.

Omo see inside life story.

Lizzysamuel:
Source:
https://zenithnaija.com/police-officers-smash-mans-car-claim-its-break-failure-this-happened/

See how the boy cleaned up in days.

God's grace found him.

Hopefully they have both ironed out their issues so they can live in peace and love.

Her marriage to Baba Juwon really cleaned up Mercy before they separated.

I don't know the man prior so I can't compare.

Human beings have mind.

How can you humiliate someone that way and still eat her food? Live with her?

He is not afraid that she will snap one day and kill him?

elektra:
Why are you spending so much energy on what I would consider trivial. Life is not hard just call and break the ice, then invite them to visit baby.

When you were pregnant you hid it from them, the lady straight up asked you and you lied to her face about it, now you are feigning surprise at their attitude and expecting them to identify with you.
“You don’t see how your decision of not disclosing your pregnancy affected their lives” but somehow their decision to keep their distance is affecting yours?

I find this very funny.

I am sure if the friends are engaged, they would have their own story also.

It is one thing not to disclose, it is another thing to lie upfront.

I don't know if the OP is Yoruba however when you do not share your good news with people or lie upfront about it, you are inferring that they are harmful.

And if you infer I am harmful, Omo I go hug my lane. Before I come to visit, something happens and I am blamed.

Cc: jess2019

Mstick:
Reminds me of when I spent 2 days in my cousin's house. She has two kids under 2. She woke up, swept the house,mopped as she was doing that her son woke up she stopped half way attended to him and I helped her feed him while she continued her chores, by then the baby wakes up, she baths her, feeds her and handed the baby over to me.

She went back to cleaning, after a while she came out looking so confused. She just ran to the kitchen some minutes later she came out with food and she went back to the bedroom to call her husband he finished eating left the plate and went back to the room.

Throughout the day all she did was wash, cook, clean and take care of kids, this man couldn't even help. All he did was eat,sleep and TV. I felt so bad for my cousin.

I was supposed to stay a week but I couldn't. When she opened up to me I already knew she was just marking time in that marriage and it wouldn't last long.

He works and she also works, still when she asks him for help he says house work is a woman thing.

Hmmmm

Does your cousin contribute money to the house purse?

Has she explored getting a maid?

Miracle112:
Please what business can I start with 117k as a student to sponsor my self in school?
I need advice and guidance, don't want to invest it in wrongly please..
My sponser which is my dad died, so my mum managed to raise the money for me to start a business and sponsor my self in school.
I study in the university of PortHarcourt and this money is just my school fee for two sessions.
Thing is I don't want to keep this money cause I might end up miss using it, want to invest it in something profitable. And alsoi don't want a business that will take much of my time, so I'll be able to focus on my studies.
Business gurus in house please help a brother.

I don't know if I am posting this in the right section but, since it has to do with education, I think here Is OK.
Pardon my write up
Please your ideas are welcome

If the money is for fees,

I will suggest you do either of

1. invest in a money market (mutual benefits, Chapel Hill) for three months, six months etc depending on how far/near New session is. E. G. If next session is three months and the next is six months, split the money into two and put one in 3 months plan and 2nd batch in six months.

2. Pay all the fees, collect the receipts and guard it with all you have got.

You can't add pressure of funds to your studies and loss.

Goodluck.

Algerian coach is fantastic.

He understands his team and harnesses their strength.

They have a super goalie so shock score and hold the Senegalese worked.

Congrats to them.

I was rooting for Senegal sha. If not Nigeria, then our brothers Senegal.

Algeria 1st
Senegal 2nd
Nigeria 3rd

Doesn't seem so bad sha.

Congratulations Ighalo.

Got what he worked for.

Starlight10:
YOU HAVE TO DATE HER AGAIN. if you are truelly inlove with her and dont actually want a divorce. Stop sending your mum, get your act together. Go for interviews and when next you visit her mums house buy something little but nice for her. Get her to come outside the house and chat over a drink or whatever while you tell her about the efforts you are making and the interviews you have attended. Let her see the guy with a vision which she fell inlove with. DO NOT GO TO ANY PRAYER HOUSE OR MAN OF GOD. Pray about the effort you are about to make in your quiet time with God, then proceed. Good luck

This is rewarding bad behavior.

The film is a must watch.

I can imagine the identity crisis he and others like him went through.

So so sad.

Hmmmmm

The 'beauty' of Nigerian cultures.

Yeah! Congrats.

3rd place is a good one.

Sanchez01:
I did mention that and I knew you'd reference it. Again, kindly point out the part I said money is the only thing either party can bring into marriage.

Ever heard of inference?

If madam OP doesn't bring anything to the table according to you because she doesn't contribute financially, can you advise what else people can bring to the table in marriage?

Recall that we don't know anything of their marriage dymnaics apart from the fact that she doesn't contribute financially yet you concluded that 'she doesn't bring anything to the table.'

Sanchez01:
Could you point to the part in my post I mentioned it has to be the only thing?

The bold below answers your question

Sanchez01:
I hate to be the last person to run a female down but this lady is one I'd describe as a bad market. She is amazing at listening to others talk about Nigerians and Nigerian men, brings nothing to the table as the man runs the major expenses in the home and wouldn't allow him spend his money the way he pleases. Her MIL EVEN HAD TO TELL HER THAT THE PROPERTY IS FOR HER AND HER KIDS... What more could she have wanted? It isn't a case of using both your monies to finance his real estate investment.

You can spot a stupiid man from a distance just as you can spot a foolish woman from the same. I wouldn't necessarily refer to the OP as a wise woman who is focused on building her home. Perhaps she has no intention of ever settling in Nigeria which is why she is against the real estate investment move of the husband. If this is the case, then she is selfish.

@loverfury:

You have witnessed first hand the average Nigerian's definition of marriage: no oneness or unity.

Since you married a Nigerian man and have been with him for 10yrs so you saw the signs.

@finances: your case is one of 'he who pays the piper dictates the tune.' However, I want to belive your husband has been taking decisions singlehandedly prior to now. If he wants to build houses on the sea, let him as long as he still finances the home. Again, your husband might see you as a clog in the wheel and go ahead with plans you don't agree with. For instance, you both calculated the returns from the houses and when you didn't agree, he called on his ever supportive mother. Did you find out the reasons why he wanted to build the houses apart from financial?

@in-laws: a typical Nigerian man would not support you as you are a younger addition to the family and elders are always right. Stop engaging his family as regards decisions they have taken especially when you have no input. They are not with you so you have control over the type of engagement/convo you have.

@cheating: again, if you are fine with him cheating as long as he doesn't 'disrespect' you, why are you complaining? What's your business with his girls outside? Why would you let people you don't know have a control over your life and health? If you can no longer condone the cheating, you know what you do. If you are fine with it particularly as he gives you a good life, just face front and take care of yourself.

Stop trying to control things you have no control over/ things not your business.

Sanchez01:
I hate to be the last person to run a female down but this lady is one I'd describe as a bad market. She is amazing at listening to others talk about Nigerians and Nigerian men, brings nothing to the table as the man runs the major expenses in the home and wouldn't allow him spend his money the way he pleases. Her MIL EVEN HAD TO TELL HER THAT THE PROPERTY IS FOR HER AND HER KIDS... What more could she have wanted? It isn't a case of using both your monies to finance his real estate investment.

You can spot a stupiid man from a distance just as you can spot a foolish woman from the same. I wouldn't necessarily refer to the OP as a wise woman who is focused on building her home. Perhaps she has no intention of ever settling in Nigeria which is why she is against the real estate investment move of the husband. If this is the case, then she is selfish.

So the only thing someone brings to the table in a marriage is money?

farous:
Explanations on the separation and answers to the above questions may not be possible at this time

Ok then.

All the best.

nigeriagospel:
She is well behave no pretence, very respectful and down to earth, all she want from me is to love her and be sincere with her, a single mother of one.

No woman is a saint but at least she can be trusted to some extend as we are all human, is it advisable for me to wife her?

If after dating her and doing every every, you can't decide, how do you expect we IP addresses to do so?

Oga please pity us.

farous:
All the comments are well appreciated.

Its not that i dont use to say romantic words to her but may not necessarily be at the magnitude she want. At the same time what actually got me upset as well was the fact that even after the reconciliation and reunion,i discovered after sometime that she still secretly communicate with like two men(the ones i know)that she messed up with during the separation(though i dont know whether they still do the other) and i confronted her towards that,and that put me fear even till date on whether something is still going on between her and them behind my back,especially when she started acting all the things i enumerated above and thats more reason i objected the reason(not saying romantic/sweet words) she gave to me.

Truly speaking based on all those act which is more of a betrayal of trust,its never easy to write off all those things from my mind because i dont know what is going on.Its a pity that i am enumerating all these here ,but that how it is eating me deep physiologically,and i am fed up with the whole thing.If couples found themselves in this kind of thing,and later got reunited,is it not the duty of both of them to work harder and rebuild the union by making an amendment and vow never to allow such happen ,throw away and avoid all past mistakes by resisting anything that can create sense of suspicion or further betrayal from the other party rather than doing otherwise.

Nothing is as annoying as when someone stays in a relationship they are not ready to work on.

From your write up, you never addressed the reason(s) why you separated initially.

That is very very key to resolving this issue.

@issue of sex and intimacy:

I find it strange that your wife developed negative habits towards your sex life after the separation. The natural thing would be trying to rebuild and rekindle the intimacy. Please I would to know

1. Who initiated the separation?
2. Who initiated the reconciliation?
3. Were both families active in the separation and reconciliation process?
4. Who earns more in the marriage?
5. Is the earning power significantly different?
6. As honestly as possible, who gained during the separation? Who has more dependencies in the marriage?
7. Were you both virgins? Was either of you a virgin?
8. Did you introduce new things into your sec life?
9. Has the reason for separation been treated?

LordKO:
He can only be right if he means "wife don't be your husband's competitor/don't see your husband as your competitor (and vice versa)." A woman who sees her husband as a competitor, is like a man who won't like his wife to be more successful than him. There's nothing wrong in a wife being more successful than her husband. However, there's everything wrong in a wife (or husband) who sees her husband as a competitor. A sane wife (man) will inspire her husband, not to aspire to beat him. Inspiration vs aspiration.

Commercial business partners don't compete with each other (aspire to beat each other), even as self-interest is always evident in any JV arrangement, how much more a husband and wife who're of oneness/in the cause of pursuing oneness which entails altruism. A competitor is an opposition and every contest is like a war - all (action) is fair in a war. A competitor shouldn't expect fairness/kid-glove treatment from his/her opponent.

Until the word "couple" changes its form from being a singular noun to a plural noun, competition between a husband and wife remain an abomination. Inspiration is different from aspiration - a couple should always draw inspiration from one another instead of aspiring to beat one another. Development over destruction.

As usual, on point.

I agree with the man even though I am sure our reasons are different.