₦airaland Forum

Who pays child support hinges on the parental rights of the non custodial parent. If the parental rights have been terminated by the courts then the parent has no obligation to pay child support. Only about 30 states have some sort of laws that automatically terminates the parental rights of perpetrators of sexual assault, Arizona isn't one of them. This hurts sexual assault victims of BOTH sexes. In Arizona, a man that raped a woman can sue her for child custody and if he wins and she is the one with means, she is obligated to pay child support. If this had happened in states where parental rights are terminated, the rapist woman's parental rights would have been terminated and the child would have been in the custody of the state unless the man (victim) wants custody.

Basically if you have parental rights then you are obligated by law to pay child support. If the man doesn't want to pay child support, he should apply to the court for his parental rights to that child be terminated. The state here is only concerned about the rights of the CHILD. However the man wants to be in the child's life (unwilling to relinquish parental rights) and not pay child support, not possible. The only other viable option he has, is to sue for child custody.

Some years ago, a woman was raped and she decided to have the baby, the rapist took her to court for child custody because by law he still had parental rights to that child.

https://www.cnn.com/2012/08/22/opinion/prewitt-rapist-visitation-rights/index.html

hopefulLandlord:
Both ways? you then added a clause as "in some states"; both ways indeed

https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/09/02/statutory-rape-victim-child-support/14953965/

Francisayo:
My life has always been going well until I lost my dad when I was in year one in university, it shocked me so hard but I still manage to graduate...

I graduated and served d nation.

I have always been an extrovert and I like places that are lively...

I have a lovely gf who is so understandable even though I'm not taking care of her as expected cos of my lack of job

I served and returned home, I have spent 9 months at home since after my service, I looked for job everywhere but no job in sight, my uncle looked for job for me but d job is too tough with little salary ( they call it sales representative but d description is of sales boy), going to work from Monday 8 am to 6 pm Saturday with 18k salary which 6k will go for transport fare in a month.

I know I won't be able to cope with it so I rejected it, but it now seems I'm becoming a burden to my family as they look at me as if I don't want to work.

A woman told me to come and be teaching in her school, jss1 and jss2 only typically a new school, the school location is typically a village, but d pressure from home is much for me and doubt
left me with no choice than to accept d offer, d pay is 25k per month... Though out of it I'll be d one to pay for rent and furnish it, house rent is #1500/month....

I traveled to d place today and I can't believe what i met, d place is a very local place and everywhere is just so quiet and boring, i have 5 students in my class.

My gf is already serving and we've not seen each other for months which is already having a bad effect on our relationship...i got home this afternoon and having deep thinking with tears in my eyes if this is how i will continue to live my life...Im 27yrs of age and seems no direction in where my life is going...

Pls, i need mature advice from mature people pls...

It's looking as if i can't survive here at all and my gf is complaining cos better things are not looking to be forthcoming soon.

I'm typing this with tears in my eyes, pls pardon d errors

I agree with them. It seems you are either lazy or you are waiting for your first job to be a plush job. The first job offer you got, is N0 better than N12k? You should have taken the job, gained experience and networked to get a better job. All the jobs I got where from connections I got from my present jobs. The second job, you get more money and your complaint is "the place is local and boring". You can afford to be picky because you have where to sleep and eat, If I were your parents I will kick you out of the house.

lol I see all of Nairaland's finest and brightest have come out to play. So why were you guys pretending to be objective 3-4 pages ago? What was the kerfuffle about? It's good that you guys have dropped all pretense at any objectivity and we can now all see you guys in your misogynistic glory. The last shred of sanity just exited the thread, you guys can keep playing with each other's dicks.

Predictable. You have over extended your shtick and you've nothing else to offer. Run along now... you won't be missed.

Regiomontanus:
Lol. Try harder. Men are beginning to see women for what they are and no one has time to address you guys' silly opinions. Real men don't make too much exchanges with women. There is a time to draw the line and leave you people with your deception. Martinez39 has done a great job that resonated with many. If you like, maintain your deception and manipulation but just know that they are ineffective. Good bye forever as far as this thread is concerned.

What have we here folks? A prime specimen. So what value do you want to add to this thread? You should be able to use your words to communicate your thoughts. You are really on a roll on this thread, I am sure this thread has been the best thing to happen to you in your life. You are not deceiving people though, we understand why you always have to be brash in all of your replies.

Regiomontanus:
Lol. The deception and emotional whining are ineffective. Say all you like, no one is falling for your trash. OYO.

So this post finally made front page.

The new replies since this post made front page are hilarious. Most guys that comment on the romance/family sections are very immature. They don't want or know how to handle opposing views, anybody with an "f" moniker with an opposing view is "dumb" "emotional" "thinking like a woman" an opposing "m" moniker is an "ass-licker" "weak man". These men shoot down alternative views/ideas in order to confirm and reinforce their existing myopic views. People that can't stick to topic because they don't have anything intelligent to add to the thread resort to sexist tropes to mask their deficiencies. An empty barrel makes the most noise.

Ironically, a moniker mentioned Quora, that's a very civilized forum where you seldom see people insult or attack a moniker simply because they disagree with their comment(s). I have also noticed people carry over beef they have with a moniker on previous threads to a new irrelevant thread. It seems to survive on NL you have to get in the gutter with these people, unfortunately I have been dragged down there sometimes. I have seen intelligent/insightful men and women leave these sections or don't post as often as they normally would.

I read this post almost immediately it went up and it was very one sided and it put ALL the blame on women, after he got 1 or 2 replies he went back and sanitized the post and then he added the little disclaimer on top. Anyone that isn't biased or misogynistic understood the post for what it was, even the sanitized version couldn't mask the sexist undertones. Why come to a public forum with diverse members if what you want is an echo chamber? If you think a woman's viewpoint is dumb and emotional, why not be confident enough to share your intelligent and rational viewpoint? Why hide behind offensive and derogatory words? Even if you want to use offensive words, why not use words that describe your OWN viewpoint. This section is now a joke, a cesspool of individuals that get their relevance on Nairaland.

Fountainofyouth:
God bless you for this, because mothers of old were able to bear bullshit doesn't mean we should fold our arms and condone rubbish, expecially with the sets of men we have this days.

lol don't mind them, delusional clowns.

ImaIma1:
Hmmmm. Words on marble.

So are you saying that you are not "smart, observant and exposed"?

lol, I have learned a lot time ago on NL that being called "dumb" by these people is actually a compliment.

izzou:
He doesn't have links

He's smart, and observant. That's enough for you to agree

And besides, get ready for your IQ to be evaluated.



My guess : Very low

O Lord, that's a very terrible analogy lol who are these people?

Are you seriously comparing a subjective opinion with factual statistics? He doesn't need a brother that has AIDS to know that HIV/AIDS outbreak has caused many deaths. The statistics on tested affected individuals, which is a FACT already tells us this to be TRUE.

OP on the other hand has no facts in his post. Feelings and opinions are not facts. He had a good mother, he never experienced/studied any of the things he said, "I am smart and observant" are not facts. Yes he may be smart and observant but those skills are not enough, he made a general statement without facts about what he thinks is the role of mothers in parental alienation. If he has links that proves his post, he should post them, we are willing to learn.

GLYCOLYSISS:
Hiv/Aids outbreak so far have left many dead !

Me : Was your brother's or reletive killed by the dreaded disease to have known many were killed ?

Izzou :

None of my brothers or relative have been killed by the dreaded disease !

Me :
Therefore nobody have been killed by the dreaded disease !



That's exactly how you sound with your opinion on the write up.

I don't think non-believers dispute that places, events, written in the bible existed or that historical Jesus walked the earth. The dispute, was historical Jesus the son of God?

Toks2008:
Honestly, i is a very tough one. It is always convenient for guys to talk about the need to go for good behaviour at the expense of sexual attraction but in reality, it is a difficult pill to swallow.

This reminds me of the story of the man with three girlfriends who tried to choose one to marry.

There was a man who had 3 girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each 1 $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first 1 went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The 2nd one went out and bought new golf clubs, a Dvd player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The 3rd one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought hard about how each of the women spent the money. Finally, being a man he decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

This is a pointer that men are always attracted to their sexual preference regardless.

What does that say about the male species?

Nigerian marriages haven't changed. There has always been domestic violence, cheating etc. Difference? This generation is unwilling to grin and bear it.

Ode.

StupidNLmods:
instead of the b*tch to thank the guy for touching that her smelly shitty ass she is busy running her wide mouth. She should count herself lucky that man isn't a woman beater. Nonsense

False.

What she said was along the lines of marriage does NOT define a woman. How you made the illogical jump from that to she hates marriage/marriage is not important is baffling. So when people say don't let money change/define you, does that mean they hate money or wealth? Or that money is not important and they would rather remain poor? It is not hypocritical to get married and not let the MRS status define you.

Also, how can you be an independent thinker when you are parroting the same misogynistic view that a women only has value when she is attached to a man? That's not an independent thought, that's the thought of a brainwashed woman.

bukatyne:
I have never heard of this lady till this thread so I can only comment on that particular youtube video.

The Lady was responding to another Youtuber who apparently claims that marriage is not 'important' despite been married at 21, divorcing and announcing her engagement to her long time boyfriend for a second marriage.

That my dear is hypocrisy.

Unfortunately, we just switched sides from career is not important (marriage is all in all) to marriage is not important.

Men know that marriage and career/accomplishing something are both important and chase them accordingly.

lol and the bitch is reveling in it. The queen of Sheba feels so cool that she even tweeted about it and reported the girl to her boyfriend. Women should always face their boyfriend/husband ONLY, don't let a bitch see you sweat and know she is the source of your discomfort.

Your comment covers "Unless she physically assaulted him first" There is no self defense for a verbal assault. I was replying to people that said a verbal assault was justification for a physical beat down. This is not an unreasonable decision this was a crime, a crime that would be subsequently judged by his peers and society.

Olorunnim:
What if it she attempted to rub him of his life or the life of a loved one ? You've not been in situations where you had to take Seemingly unreasonable decisions so don't judge yet.

Unless the man's injuries are identical to the girl's own, or she physically assaulted him first then there is NO justification for this assault. Verbal assault is NO justification for a physical retaliation. He is in a civilized country where the law actually works, there is no legal provision for a defense of a verbal assault, so he will do jail time, rightfully so. Men need not to be emotional and weak but have common sense and self control. All he needed to do was walk away and delete her from his life.

GoldChest:
Lets hear the man's side of the story too before judging because so many women are worst than the devil .

Congratulations, Jennifer! All your hard-work is finally paying off. Your father would be very proud.

lol that could work too. Some wives also do option C.

zeb04:
option C. Stay in the marriage and find your own happiness outside.

What you're experiencing is a culture shock to a typical Nigerian marriage. To most Nigerian men, the role of the wife is to bear his kids and make the home stable for him, that's it. You are neither a partner nor part of a unit, your opinions don't matter.

This is the hierarchy of people important to a typical Nigerian husband:

1. Himself
2. Mother
3. Male Kids
4. Female kids
5. Father
6. Siblings
7. Any other blood relative
8. His drinking buddies/bros
9. Side Chicks
10. Wife

I just want to let you know that this will never change, you will also never get the answer you are looking for here because NL is a Nigerian male dominated forum so most comments here will mirror what your husband thinks. He has given you your dues as a wife, financial stability and hidden his side pieces from you. As far as the men are concerned, you have no reason to complain, you have gotten all what you're entitled to.

You have only two options:

Option A: This is a very popular option with most Nigerian wives, it has been tried and tested for generations, you accept your role and create a system within the marriage that gives you some sort of peace and happiness. Most wives invest all their love and energy unto to their children, they get their second hand happiness from their children. This is probably the reason why most Nigerian men are mummy boys.

Option B: Leave

This is a culture and battle you will never win. I wish you luck.

Delta and Rivers state don't have accessible beaches along the Atlantic. Akwa Ibom has a very beautiful beach with miles of white sand can't remember the name, it's the longest sand beach in West Africa, some stretch of it is maintained by Mobil. The one in Calabar is not too shabby.

Beautyaddy:
So are there no other States in Nigeria that have well maintained beaches aside from Lagos State

How about Rivers States, Delta and Cross Rivers States?

This has already been posted some weeks ago, I think it made front page. I will post the link when I find it.

jezuzboi:
What you’re about to read is the story of a self-styled Nigerian feminist who most likely suffers from BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. She did a good job putting her husband through hell for years in the name of EQUALITY. Her emotional instability got her caught between the options of staying in her one-year-old marriage or filing for a divorce for no concrete reason. She even regretted having a child. According to her, that has been her worst mistake.

Her husband was perpetually perplexed by her PERCEPTUAL DISTORTIONS and most likely cursed the day he married her. However, he managed to endure years of AVOIDABLE TRAUMA, literally taking care of their son alone until things got back in shape; for after tormenting him for ages, his wife condescendingly redressed her steps and went online to excitedly tell her story, saying:

-----

“I knew I was a career-driven woman! I knew I wasn’t all that excited about getting married. I knew children weren’t my favorite thing on earth. But building a career that I wanted seemed to take too long and I was impatient. I wasn’t going to get married. Then I met MY HUSBAND and fell in love. This was the first time in my life I was liking a man who liked me more than I liked him. I generally go for unavailable men, men who aren’t sure of me, etc.”

“If a man loves me too much, he’s not challenging and so I didn’t want him. I got married and immediately wanted a child because that’s the natural progression, isn’t it? I had my baby and almost immediately regretted it. Actually, I started regretting it from the time I got pregnant. It was as if I temporarily lost my marbles. Regardless, I made the decision. This was not an unplanned pregnancy. I wanted the child. I did everything I could to get the child.”

“I finally had him and was going to be the very best mother I could for the child who didn’t beg me to have him. As for my marriage, I love my husband like kilode. But I’d be the first to tell you he’s the one holding the marriage down. If my husband hadn’t been stubbornly refusing to let go, our marriage would have ended a long time ago. I am flighty! Do me small thing and I’m ready to leave. But the man held on, like: YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.”

“I am grateful to him for doing that. But I still know deep down that I shouldn’t have married or have a while when I did. At 30, it was like I snapped out of my temporary foolishness and said: FLORIDA, THIS IS NOT THE LIFE YOU WANTED FOR YOURSELF. THIS LIFE OF BEING KNOWN MOSTLY AS SOMEONE’S WIFE AND SOMEONE’S MOTHER. I started applying to UK universities for masters without a word to my husband. I got admitted, saved up the 10k euros tuition money.”

“I told my husband that I’m leaving for the UK for this masters whether he liked it or not! What followed was months of fights. He wanted us to be talking about having another child, not masters! I said: THUNDER FIRE YOU! I already felt shackled enough with one and he wanted to add to it? This man threatened me that it’s either we have another child or we forget having another child entirely. I was like: SEE CHRISTMAS PRESENT! WE ARE GETTING IT. WE ARE SO FORGETTING IT.”

“If I had been thinking properly, I wouldn’t have had one child, not to mention two! I went to the UK. My husband thought I’d refuse to come back but I did. However, when I started talking about Ph.D., he started nonsense again. He was like: WHAT ABOUT THE FAMILY? I was like: EHEN? WHAT ABOUT IT? WHAT ABOUT ME? I started looking into divorce proceedings. I felt I would always meet resistance from this man every time I do something for the sake of pursuing a career and what kind of life is that?”

“That wasn’t the marriage I wanted. So it was better I end it. My mom panicked. She was like: BUT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR HUSBAND NA! HE’S PERFECT. HE’S NOTHING LIKE YOUR FATHER, JUST LIKE I PRAYED FOR. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I was heartbroken, I’ll say. I still loved him very much. I had never stopped. But I didn’t want to keep fighting with him because this is who I am. I don’t take my identity from being a wife and mother. Those are my jara!”

“I will choose the latter any god damn day! I remember one day; I was crying on the phone with my husband. I was like: I’M SORRY I’M NOT THE KIND OF WIFE YOU WANTED; THE WIFE CONTENT WITH AN UNCHALLENGING JOB SO SHE COULD SPEND AS MUCH TIME BUILDING HER HOME. THAT’S NOT ME AND IT CANNOT BE ME. Mister man didn’t know that this was me signing out! I had made up my mind at that junction that the marriage wasn’t working and it was time to face reality.”

“I was going to file for a divorce and I wasn’t going to discuss it with him. Then in December 2013, I went to the airport to pick him up. He had come to London for my graduation (not knowing his wife at this point was all set to leave him). I went to the airport, saw him and started crying again. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t leave him. I haven’t loved anyone the way I love this man. I couldn’t live without this man. I immediately filed away the divorce idea.”

“I decided to give the marriage another go. I suppose it helped that none of my Ph.D. applications went through. So I went back to Nigeria and did my best to give the marriage all I got! My husband who used to resist me working outside Lagos because the family should be together, dropped the idea. Even though the field I worked thrived more in Abuja, he didn’t complain. If it was Antarctica I wanted to go, he would let me go. As long as we were still married, he didn’t mind.”

“As long as I’d come back to him, I could go anywhere. If I didn’t want any more children, that was okay with him! We will stop with this one. It is not like people take kids with them to the afterlife. But when the Ph.D. opportunity came, not one “YOU ARE LEAVING ME ALONE YET AGAIN” did I get from him. I came here with my son because that’s what I do. I go with my son everywhere! It’s not even a question – maybe it’s guilt. Guilt that I regretted having him.”

“Guilt that I always say I shouldn’t have married or had a child. I wish I knew while growing up that it was an option to have a child and that not everyone should marry and have children. Maybe because of that guilt, or maybe it’s just pure mother’s love, I inconvenience myself to make his life better. I changed and only wanted to do everything to give my son the childhood I believe he deserves. On occasions, I’d even put him before my career. Like right now, I’ve decided post-PhD.”

“I wasn’t going to aim to be the Facebook COO until my son is 16 – 18. I’d slow down and then resume again when he’s less dependent on me. Bottom line, if I knew better, I wouldn’t have gotten married or most definitely wouldn’t have had a child. But it has already happened and I would be damned if I don’t make the best of it. Regardless, I’m reminded that those were decisions I shouldn’t have taken!”

-----

There you go, guys! I’m sure you now see the more reason why you should never throw caution to the wind when choosing a life partner. This is why I favor long courtships. It gives you ample time to GET TO KNOW your potential spouse. No one ever wants to be in situations like that, and one sure way to prevent such fate is taking time to know your spouse-to-be from the INSIDE OUT before marriage. I hope we take a cue from this and help our marital destinies

Jezuzboi©

Yikes! Is this the kind of stuff you told your ex? We've only heard your side, I wonder if it was an honest account. You've had very good advises here, don't be blackmailed into a relationship. You now have your money, it's time you close this chapter and move on.

Godoverevery:
what you actually need to do is fix your life maybe you can see a man that will have mercy on you ......How can a lady 13yrs after graduating still be single.
menh it show how useless you are....... I think that a big enough problem for you already but you still have time talking about something you no nothing about..... assuming and conjestureliuzing things...... putting the blame on me.
like I said you are just a bitter frustrated old slowpoke..... aiin't nobody fault no man wants a miserable cretin like you in his life.
Get a man and fix your poo life before you lose it finally.

You are the only one saying this, no one has said that on this thread. Her point was if a man wants a good sexual marriage then he has to put in the work, the best way to do that is to romance her. It has nothing to do with money.

Korllami007:
Taking your wife out shouldn't be a problem but the way some people are taking it as if it's only thing that makes women have sexual urge or getting wet and that's what baffles me.
Most Nigerian marriages are boring because emphasis is laid on the men to be romantic while the wife should be rigid. It's only the husband that should be surprising the wife with gifts while the wife do nothing. So, most Nigeria marriages are just one sided. Just imagine the lady that's arguing with me. She couldn't mention one thing wife should do to spice up the marriage because she thinks is only women that should romantic and it's only women that love to be given gifts.
It surprises me more when some people are saying you should buy gifts, take your wife out and give more money to your wife so that you can have sex with your her. So, that means no natural attraction. Just like a cheap slut you meet on the street and you buy her shawarma to get into her pant.
Taking your family out should be normal thing but not that you're doing it to have sex with your wife. There are even some cases, where wives are even demanding money before having sex with their husbands. If you're have the intention of having sex with your wife by taking her out or the wife can't have sex with the husband unless she gets gift from him or her monthly allowance is increased, to be candid with you, you are married to a lifetime slut.

There should be natural sexual attraction between couple not material attraction because not everytime you will be taking her out and what if the money is coming in like before, your wife countenance will change towards you because you're taking her out like before.
I'm not kicking against husband taking his wife out but wife using that as a reason of denying the husband sex is what baffles me.
I even wrote about something like this some days ago.

He understands perfectly well, he is being ignorant on purpose. He needs to confirm his bias "only money can open a woman's leg"

biz2get:
Technically you cannot comprehend what she wrote.

Just stop writing and quoting.. And think!

To the topic.

Just know there's an Action Before the Reaction.
I would advise you try to know what is wrong with your wife (understand her better)

In esense if you take your wife out she can unwind what is really bothering her to you.

And you don't have to be rich to take your wife out.

A small beer parlour sef can do the trick.

To whom sense is given sense is expected.

You do not need money to spend time with your wife. You can take walks/strolls, you can watch a tv movie together, you can go window shopping etc. There are many activities to engage in that will cost you zero.

Korllami007:
Please think beyond four corners of your home. Not everyone has that kind of luxury you mentioned. So, family that's looking for money to pay rent and children's school fee and it's the same family will be thinking of going to bar or restaurant to chop shawarma and nkwobi when they have chunk of bills to pay.

Nigeria is not a developed country like USA that you can book 2020 cruise if you don't have the money at the moment and the cruiseline will start deducting the money from your account every month till the money is completed. They can do that because they have good economy. The government, companies and small scale businesses hardly owe monthly payment. But that cannot be said about Nigeria, where a government of a state can owe three years monthly payments. If you're are part of some families, something like, bar, restaurants, trips, won't even come to your mind because the money is not coming in and the money you're expecting next month is already spent. Some marriages in that category are more stronger than some couples that spend a lot on trips, vacations, going to most expensive restaurants, because they have good communication.

Unfortunately it's not only her parents that think like that most Nigerians do. Most men will say they can't raise another man's child. I see some women dump their children with family members or even village sef as if they don't exist and move on with their new life.

theButterfly:
It seems your parents actually don't care much for your kids b|c they're the product of an inter-tribal marriage. Because I don't understand why they would suggest you dump them w| your in-laws and re-marry just like that! We're talking about little human beings who need parental love and care, not material items you can give away when you no longer want! Their father has already neglected them and chosen to be irresponsible. You won't be any different from him if you abandon them at your in-laws (who might, by the way, mistreat them). You shouldn't even be thinking about re-marrying right now: you need to get yourself together and heal from this marriage before another man comes into the picture, and when that happens your kids should be part of the package!