₦airaland Forum

DownTime44:
Hi guys


Please i put up this post basically because of my elder brother. I sincerely want to know if i was wrong talking to him, or I could have just let him be. I wasn't myself ever since i talked to him, and i was somewhat having guilty conscience since then.


I have an elder brother, he's 38 years old and also the first son. I am the fourth child in the family of five. The second child is a female and she's married. We lost our third child, that's my immediate elder brother some years back, while i have a younger brother. I came from a humble background. Lost my dad while i was in JS 3, even before his death we had been hustling on a daily basis for survival, and we live happily as one big family. My mother, siblings and i do hawk daily before we could eat. All thanks to public school in Lagos, my family wouldn't have had the opportunity to basic education. We hawk daily after school, weekdays and weekend. My family was bred and brought up in Ajegunle.


Few years after the demise of my father, we struggled to pay house rent. We had to leave Ajegunle to a local and developing area. I didn't allow my family conditions deter or weigh me down. Never! I believe I'd make it in life legitimately without venturing into crime, fraud, theft etc. After my secondary school, i was into all sorts of labour work. I worked in factory, building site, cleared bushes, laundry man , just to save up and further my education. I worked for 6 years after my secondary school, bought a bike from the little savings i had and proceed to school through jamb. I gave the bike to someone who often deliver #6,000 weekly for the upkeep of my family. I was in year 2 when i let go of the bike, it was on a higher purchase and the agreement we have had elapsed. I hustled my way through school and graduated. I'm done with service last year but couldn't land a job, probably due to my age. I'd be 29 this year and most graduate trainee often request for age below 28. Although, i had a 2.1. I'm only managing in a pure water factory to make ends meet, keep soul and body together and support my family


I sat my elder brother down and talked to him. He has been hustling like every other person in the family but i don't understand what's happening. He didn't futher his education nor learn a handwork. He's 38 but still live under his parents roof. He has been doing conductor work for many years. The family had talked to him several times to look for something else. It's fine you are hustling as a man for survival but doing conductor for many years without thinking of what else to do is wrong. A family friend of ours who later got to know what he does for a living had advice him also.


The bus he was following, the driver had misunderstanding with the owner and he collected his bus back. My elder brother had been idle for months, doing nothing. He claimed he has gone virtually everywhere in search of bus he could be working with but couldn't get any. This is a family that we all had to bring something no matter how little to survive. I was talking to him as a younger brother. I asked him why didn't he heed to people's advice when they were advising him then to stop the conductor work and look for something to learn, if perhaps he doesn't want to further his education? He doesn't believe in Nigeria education, because he could count graduates without job or those with petty job. My elder brother wear almost rag as clothes. I had to give him some of my little wears I'm managing. He has just one slippers. We don't wear same size of shoe or sandals, we could have been sharing that also. He sold his phone to feed sometime ago and had been without phone. I was initially saving to get my mum a small phone but i had to give him the phone instead.


He was crying when i was talking to him. I understand the situation of things in the country, which i myself is going through. I was just trying to know what other things he could come up with. I am not happy seeing him sitting idle doing nothing. The fact that he's the first son and found himself in this condition at that age breaks my heart daily. My mum had been so worried about his condition. I had to convince her that things will be better. I don't want her to develop high Blood Pressure that could lead to her untimely death.


Please guys was i wrong talking to my elder brother?

You did well engaging in a deep discussion with him but am sure the person you are discussing doesn't have a struggling spirit like you that's why it has been the way you saw him

You are still finding your bearing and you are doing really well to be able to see yourself through despite the hardship and struggles all of you went through

As for your brother, the only thing he can do is driving which is ok
So he has to go around to look for people who wants private driver or if possible dispatch riders

That he doesn't believe in Nigeria education wasn't what made him not to go to school and from the look of things, even if the money is there, he will not be interested in going to school

To me is best he stays in that house and hustle than to go and join bad gangs that will make him sleep out and become something else that will terrorise the entire family

Dont let his situation quench your zeal to achieve success in life

Keep your struggles on ans one day it will pay you and your family will benefit

DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.

I tried to post this in the romance section, but the bots restricted me from posting until after a few weeks. I want to share some mistakes and seek advice from this platform. Might be a long read, so if you're reading, please bear with me.

I totally messed up my relationship of a year and a few months. I was a complete jerk, nothing short of that. I broke up and got back with her too many times than I can count.

I was obsessed, and that obsession made me insecure, and scared that she'd leave me for someone else. These bad traits cascaded into actions that would hurt her, and what we had. She was bearing it all, but I didn't realize that I was killing what she has for me slowly.

I was always craving her attention, nagging whenever she didn't do the things I wanted. I literally tried to control everything. I was really toxic.

Each time I ended it, and got back, I noticed she'd become colder, repulsive and uninterested. She'd say she still wants the relationship, but she kept acting otherwise. So I figured we'd gone past the point of no return.

Finally, I apologized to her a few days back and told her I don't want us to force things anymore. We have to move on and just stop hurting ourselves. She didn't object. Now I've gotten rid of anything that connects us together, but I still feel so guilty.

I love her so much, and I wish I had been a better person for her, but I really want to move on now. I really hope she can forgive me. How can I forgive myself, move on and become a better person?

I know I deserve this pain. I feel it fully now, but I've had my regrets and I want to change, so I don't make such mistakes in the future. But I can't move on. I still think about her and the mistakes I've made most of the time.

I don't have friends, I'm an "alone" person. Please what can I do to move on? I don't want to keep feeling guilty, and I don't know who to talk to. @pocohontas, or other nlmods, please can you help me out here?

I expect strong criticisms and reprimanding, but please as you criticize me, don't forget to help me with words of advice.

Thank you.

Ty, incase you're seeing this, it's Jay. I want you to know that I'm sorry. My heart bleeds from the way I hurt you. I'm so sorry.

Since you have acknowledge a d identify that the major problem you have is you and your naughty behavior

Why not seat down and evaluate your life and shreed off those bad and hurtful behaviors of yours

She loves you but you are just toxic

The next relationship you may go into may be someone just opposite her behavior and by then you may have lost her to another man

Invite her, let her list somethings that you are doing which is bad and be prepared to change if you care

blacksam01:
...this is fast becoming a common place in our society and i wonder why..

hello people can you pay for such for your child..?

If that's the best option so far he will clear his papers and use it and get admission

I don't want any educational delays

There is no time to waste time

When he gets admission don't be surprise he will be more committed

holybabayo:
Hmmm. Counsellor. I give u A1 in counselling. The ground for beating has been well defined by you.

Lol

abbey621:
You're not justifying just making up excuses....Funny! Even if he was the most irresponsible, he's not a child, you don't physically lay your hand on another adult. That's like saying wife wey no cook good soup deserves a couple of slaps......STOP IT!

Your analysis are not just related

Have you asked yourself how come his wife was able to beat him and he was watching her

Then he should send her out of the home if he knows that he is a responsible man and he is in charge of his homen

Albertone:
Is that what we're saying?
How was the wife strong enough to beat her husband?

A man that can't perform his responsibilitys as a husband and father to the children is already weak
So his wife will definitely be stronger than him for being able to perform such task

ijustdey:
https://dailytrust.com/man-hospitalised-after-beating-from-wife/

Hmmmm

Nice2023:
Saving money is vital for every human survival especially now that the economy has changed terribly.

Aside saving money for my children,which i am yet to start,I have secured lands for them.

I want to know how much,I mean what percent of one's income should be saved for them till they are 18tears of age?

It depends on your income

If you have a steady income flow

You can save times the number of children that you have in one account

Do this every month and by the time they are done with secondary school,

Their first year school fees must have been saved

But it takes self discipline to achieve that

Falz
May God heal you and you will come out quickly
Get well soon

Saga16:
Fall should give music up.

He's too old.

You can take over from him

Who told you that musicians do get old on what they do best

Then why is sunny Ade and the rest still singing including 2face

Draslo:
Designer babies.
Very soon they will be able to make babies without any physical defect. Like for example if you want blue eyes on a black kid, or a super brain or if you don't want him to be ever interested in penis enlargement. Like there's almost nothing. Very soon, they will give expectant parents a catalogue to choose what they want and don't want from their child.

Funny you, 😂

egopersonified:
This is the 21st century. You should be able to tell your wife your fears and concerns about not wanting house helps. If, for example, it's based on lack of trust, she can look for someone to clean and she takes care of the kids herself. There are always other options to every situation. If she dies tomorrow, won't someone else look after the kids?

Her husband is not on nairaland to read all these

Xerona:
Hello Nairalanders, there is an issue at hand.
I have two kids and recently gave birth to the third few months ago. It's been really difficult for me since I practically do most of the house chores... my husband is hardly around because of work.

I came down with this strange disturbing headache that doesnt go away. So I went to see a doctor and she said the headache was as a result of postpartum stress and lack of sleep.

The truth is I'm awake most of the time because of the baby or when I'm attending to other household matter. I haven't had a good sleep in a long while. So when the doctor suggested I get a house help so I can find time and sleep when shes holding the baby. I knew she she was on point. But the problem is my husband, he wouldn't hear of it, he doesn't want us to get any househelp...

I even pleaded with him and made him see reasons why I needed help, but he refused... I'm beginning to think I ended up with the wrong person because I dont understand why anyone would deliberately want to subject their wife to this kind of torture.

My kids are age 5, 2 and 3 months... I go to the market, cook, clean, i even do school run too...He's a contractor and will be travelling back to work next week.. yet he doesn't want me to get help...

Request for mum to come over, only him have his reasons why he doesn't want a house help

thatigbogirl4NL:
Hello ourAnambarian brothers🤣🤣

One of you
is reading this comments...
Biko ummunne. I want positive testimonies ooo

Bro said he want to hear feedback from ummu Nwoke ndi nwere experience.

He wants to move forward with one Imo babe.
And do introduction
. Bride price issue is not a concern to him.


But has some unfounded 😂😂 fears

Question ❓ 1

#Do imo women make good wifes?

#Are they Loyal. Understanding?

#How does she Relate and blend happily with your family?

#Does she have a good character?

#Does she flirt. ( His wife is super pretty 😍)
Is she hospitable or Hostile.)

# Can i bring her to Canada immediately after marriage. Or when is better, after kids?

* Lastly can i trust my Imo woman with a part of my business in Nigeria?


So i said i will post on NL. While he read up here.

❓ Question 2
As a Anambra man. Is it a Norm that your to be wife must live with your mum for At least 1 or 2 weeks. Before you marry her?

This is causing issues for them.





Ummunne bikonu Help a confused bro

Abum nwa afo Ibo, mana akam adiro ya

Fineman2:
My name is Garba. I am from Borno State while my ex-wife’s name is Lara and she is from Ilesha in Osun State. We got divorced after giving birth to two children, a boy and a girl.

I used to visit my children when their grandmother was alive, but unfortunately after her death my ex-wife relocated to Festac, and I don't know where she moved to.

I went to see her aunt who pleaded with her to allow me to see my children but all to no avail. I planned to report the matter to a human rights organisation but I don't have her contact nor do I know her address, so there is no means of reaching her.

I tried so hard to contact some of her friends but all have yielded no result. It has been seven years since I last saw or heard from my children. I love my kids so much and the thoughts of not hearing from them has made me sad and confused.

Please, what should I do?

When you say you guys got divorced after two kids

That means you went through the legal processing of divorce

Then there must be an agreement on how you can be allowed to access those children on special arrangements

In that case, if she denys you that, then she has breeched

But if you never went to court and you guys got separated, then separation is different from divorce

I think you have to penetrate her aunty to get access to her location

Ikpeabujo:
actually I met her through my sister and she more close to my family and she get the information from my people l, honestly sometimes she will be the one to ask and nothing else I can do but to open up to her.
Her family and my family has been a familiar friend.
Infact. My mother and her mother does the Same business

That's a good one
Well you need to seat her down and advice her so that she doesn't develop entitled mentality

Ikpeabujo:
Some girls get mind sha.
I have to bring this issue here because I need to hear more people opinion.
We having been dating for three years now and our relationship is basically a long distance as we are not even close but we communicate more.
As the first son she knew that I always carry my family matter for head, and I always make sure that I do my best for my family financially but the issue is that she is always comparing my spending on my family and the little I was able to do for her.
This year after purchasing a bus for my brother for transportation and informed her about it and honestly from her response I know that she is not happy.
By April ending this year she demanded that she need 50k because she wanted to travel and meet her family at Lagos and I told that I will give her the money next month been this May but something comes up and I was unable to fulfill the promise.
Ever since than I have received all kind of words from her.
In her words. “ if it’s your family you will have rush and send the money to them”
So last night she made a suggestion that if I don’t want her to be disturbing me about anything that I should place her on weekly salary.
Note: the girl in question is working for her sister’s husband and she is getting paid but because I have already made it known to her family that we are getting married she now assumes that I’m her responsibility and this worries me so much.
I’m honestly thinking of ending everything right now and I hope that I’m doing the right thing

The only lesson I want you to learn here is, stop telling her what favours you did for your family and family members, I don't know why she finds that uncomfortable

On the issues of monthly allowance, you have actually given her the impression that you are making money

Well don't give her that money yet, let her keep releasing all she has to release in the name of character and attitude
That will help you to understand her very well

Use that as a test on her loyalty

LikeAking:
My father in-law called me yesterday morning for an urgent meeting in the evening.

When I walked into his palour, I saw a very angry and vicous man... I didn't bother asking him what's happening, because no be born am.

Angrily he made the following statement, 'So you want to spoil my daughter?'

I didn't respond, in my mind I was like : 'When u tire for parables u go dey alright'.

He repeated the sily question agian with a similar attitude: So you want to spoil my daughter?'

I no even send am.

Their was total silence in the parlour.

Later he was like: That thing you use for peeing, why did you ask my daughter to put it in her mouth?

I remembered my wife and her no Mouth Action clause, no matter how I persuadeher, she has never and will never sucked my cook...

I was like wetin they worry this old man sef?

Then the old man started raining curses on me, out of anger. I calmly walked out of his house.

Maybe you didn't marry a friend because if you do, she won't tell her father, knowing that it's not a must to give you head and if she does, she shouldn't have told dad if actually you guys married as friends

PapaNnamdi:
A friend of mine just got a job offer,
The problem is that the cost of transportation will take half the salary by the end of the month aside feeding and other expenses,
I want to tell him not to bother as he will be frustrated on the job but don't know the right words and I feel I may be wrong.

So I am asking people that work here, is it ok for an employee to use 50% of his salary on transportation alone??

Let him get the job offer
Starts from some where

Experience is the best teacher

You can try serving where accommodation won't be a problem and thats abuja

But Lagos may expose you more to life and that means you have to look for a hostel, where to stay while you are in Lagos until you get accommodation that you will stay while serving,

Incase the place you will server have no accommodation plans for you

In all just hold enough money

jaybee345:
It is disturbing because my case is extreme, I'm not talking about slightly curved

This could be genetic, have you tried discussing this with your parents or even show them

You can still try having a relationship and you know try penetration to see if you are having full function on it while inside

You can't really stay away from sex because of this issue because you have not even made an attempt to penetrate

So far you get erection, I believe you are ok

Just relax your mind and try something then you can conclude

Foxyfox:
Good evening forum, pls I need a word of advice pls, and it's affecting me seriously.
It happens whenever I and my fiance had little misunderstanding, I will start saying I am not doing again that he should go.

My fiance is an elderly person who is unproblematic and I respect him so much. I love him with all my life, but I don't know why at any little thing I am angry at, I will start saying I am not doing again.
Pls is there anyone who has passed through such attitude and how do you caution yourself on this attitude.?

The real truth is that you are enjoying your relationship and the good things that comes with it

In another word, he is taking care of you

But the problem you are having is his age, that alone is one of the reasons you are acting funny

But you didn't tell us if he is just dating you or you guys have plans for the relationship

dawnomike:
And is the advuce a good or bad one?

Let me hear a lady's perspective

Wether good or bad, he is bigger than the problem created by him

dawnomike:
Accept the pregnancy and responsibility and proceed to marry the one you want.... Just be sure of what you're going for

Exactly, you have given him the advice he has been looking for

letstalksense:
Hi everyone. I can't really wait to settle down with my woman. But she was recently posted for NYSC service, and waiting till she finished the program is like forever for me. Because I planned settling sown this year. She was deployed far in another state but often visits. And it remains like 9 months for for her to complete the service.


Can we get marry even as she still on NYSC service? Hope it won't affect her NYSC service?

Is this allowed and has anyone experienced this before?

Or I must wait till she's through with the program?

I look forward for your wisdom.

Thanks.

I think if you are really sure that you have made up your mind to marry her

You can make a marriage introduction to the family in accompany of your own family

That's what I can regard as commitment

Now that means you have booked her as your wife

You can then plan how to complete the remaining marriage processing

But if you feel that you are ok and need no time to waste

You can go ahead from start to finish and she will be all yours

MasterJayJay:
You just described prostitution .

Is men that made them the prostitute

shortgun:
[/b]

From experience, it's easier for women to make demands from men they don't sleep with than the ones they sleep with.
The men she's not sleeping with (yet) will readily meet her demands.

Which is better for her

onumadu:
Excellent series of advice.

Thanks dear

Fineman2:
My name is Pelumi. I am 26 years old and I reside somewhere around Ogun State. As a single mother of one, I met my boyfriend three years ago. He is 35 years old. After dating for a year, we had a child and we started living together as a couple even without being legally married.

I was happy when we met because I thought God had finally sent me a helper who would care for me and my child. Little did I know that reverse would be the case as this man has not been carrying out his responsibilities as the father of the kids. Most of the time, I sort the bills with little or no contribution from him.

At the end of the month, all he gives us is either N8000 or N9000 and he doesn't care if it is enough or not. I pay the children's school fees, and now that our house rent is due, he simply said he doesn't have money. I have no choice than to actively look for the money to pay the house rent, so that my kids and I don't end up on the street.

I told my family about my plans to leave him but they asked me to endure so that people won't start counting for me. I have two kids and I don't really know what to do anymore.

What can I do to save myself from this? Please advise me.

The more children you will have for him the more sufferings are loading for you

He doesn't have regards for you because you followed him without any marriage rights and not even a drink to your family

So he sees you as a cheap stuff

Now you have to braze up with yourself and get something doing

If the rent is becoming to expensive then advice him that you guys need to get just a room so that you can pay the rent with ease

So far you can endure what you are passing through and he doesn't beat you or abuse you
You can still remain there

Once it becomes toxic, move out to save your life

Tallesty1:
Neither.


Women don't love men.

Point of correction pls
Women loves men and as a result of that you just have to appreciate anyone that loves you as a man

She seees you as her
Brother
Friend
Partner

That she makes demands from you doesn't mean that all she wants is money

She needs you to assist her financial and nothing more

But that demands comes up the moment you start making love to her

Keep her as just a friend, no love making and no kissing, she will find it difficult to make demands

Kajaard:
I don't have access to my nairaland email address anymore.

Send me an email to udumesotoikhile@gmail.com

I realize that I don't have access to my mail

What could be the cause

Secondchance123:
am still looking for a place, haven't gotten any yet

Why not look for hostel around yaba, shomolu and Bariga

Its a strait bus to Obalende which is very close to Ikoyi

The rents are cheaper too