₦airaland Forum

kurlz:
How far with the maid sis. Have you sent her away?
What's the update?

Since 8yrs ago?

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

That's why it's too early. 3 months is too fresh to forget your wife's memories and the new woman can't understand that. You should have taken your friend's advise to give it time. It was too quick to fill in the void rather than dealing with it.

It's just like heartbreak. When someone gets heart broken, it's best to heal rather than getting a rebound relationship to cushion the effect. Most times, it doesn't work.

The only option is to have the woman move with her kids. Why the hurry for her to fill in for your wife? Let her move out and you can give yourself time to mourn your wife properly and get it out of your system first before starting with a new woman

It's harder when it's someone so close; a spouse and in a marriage so young. But you will pull through, you have to.

May God comfort you.

walkingshadow911:
in a low budget Nollywood movie I quess

In real life face me I face you house. The fights there are popular

Uniquekriss:
Faith Mac is among the least beautiful faces in d competition Buh she's made it this far, why the bias? As for me, d judges flopped mostly during d auditions especially Seyi Shey, Buh so far at this stage, I think d verdict is fair enough.

Where is the bias? I am telling you I wish they all have fair judgement and you are talking about bias.

May the best person win.

Uniquekriss:
I think they know better than u do that's y they got the slot of judges, is it now a crime for someone to be pretty?

If those judges make it to the next season, it will be a double flop for Nigerian Idols.

Chidinma Ekile was a pretty and cute contestant but she had the voice which was the competition. Arese gad a pretty face, a lovely accent but her voice was great.

We are not talking about MBGN or Miss Nigeria here. It's the best singer. It doesn't matter if the person has stitches all over his/her face. It is unfair on the good singers if the judges keep favouring someone for their beauty over them.

So I have nothing against Bey, all the contestants deserve a fair judgement based on their voices.

Deasegun19:
I was a victim. I sat and listened to their empty words with smiles on my face. They thought they won me over, registration time, their stooges planted in our midst, pledge to pay; I just stood up and started marching out, they tried to stop me but with anger written all over my face, they cleared the path.

stupid mofos...

Lol...they always have their people there pledging to pay to make others consider it

Uniquekriss:
she can sing very well, is her beauty intimidating u... I know they made some errors during d auditions Buh this girl is good, she does her thing effortlessly, moreover, there were other very pretty girls there that didn't scale through, *Star from PH is one of them

Her singing is basic, not competition material. She's not as good as the people they let go. That's why I don't take the show seriously. I don't like cheating or undeserved favouritism of any kind. The judges are not fair in their judgement right from auditions stage.

effido666:
Na long throat of money dey make dem stay back instead of to run

You will be surprised that it is one broke guy.

Uniquekriss:
badt belle people everywhere... How come she made it to this stage?

Ask the judges oo. They are picking image and beauty over voice. If you have been watching and you are fair in judgement unlike the judges, you will know that girl can't sing.

Vyolet:
You know the choice is now left with the viewers, the judges have no power again, unless they manipulate the votes during collation which is impossible.

And you have seen comments even on Nairaland about how beautiful Beyonce is, as if it's a beauty pageant. People can be bias. I just hope the best singer wins.

BlackFlamefromP:
Funny and sad at the same time.

How can you renounce your position as a first born when you are actually the first born of the family? Are you going to re-enter your mother's womb and be born last?

That kind of decision make you a disgrace both to your creator and your parents.

If family pressure is too much for you why not leave the family temporarily, go somewhere faraway and hustle, when you make it you can finally come back to help them. That's better than making yourself a laughing stock

Won't it be better for parents to have children they can comfortably cater for? Instead of setting up the first born to shoulder that responsibility. But no, they will keep churning out children they know they can't care for.

Parents should be responsible for their children.

Prenonjebose:
And if his siblings also reject the position.

The position should be left open. The father can fill it.

jawalis:
I am the first child and I can tell. It’s not easy. You gotta make sure your siblings are ok before you plan for your own life which is more reason why I am here today where I am.

And once you want to marry, they will ask you to settle them as if they were your apprentice. Then they gang up against your wife if money is not flowing. Very sad

StagethemTVee:
Stella Domorkokus. How Etinosa take know she is a witch or they belong to same coven?

Stella Dimokokorkus has inside gist on people. How she gets her gist ehn! She tries. And she doesn't even reside in Nigeria.

heed101:
It might have been erroneous transfer and it is for the purchase of scanners. It is best you go to the bank before they will involve enforcement agencies. That will be torment you would not want to experience as you will pay more than 220k you have spent.

Don't mind them o. Money that is not theirs, they spent out of it. One that happened when I was in the bank, it was the boy's father that was running helter skelter to pay back while the boy was detained.

Ojukokoro people

2blockus:
So I'm a graduate of civil engineering, but work as a contract staff in a bank for over 5years with 100k salary.

I bought a functional car which fit into bolt but I'm scared of resigning from my job as I have family responsibilities.

This bank work doesn't give me opportunity to grow with them and time to do other side hustle and I know one day it's either they sack me or I leave.(but one must happen)

Please I need advice if I should still continue this work or start street hustle.

Note: I save the money for this car from salary and side hustle base on what I studied in school.

There's hardly room for growth as a contract staff. Bolt seems like a better option. Given your car for hire ourchase might not work well because it will be excuses and repairs. Besides, no one can take care of your car like you.

You have been on the same spot for five years. I know how the bank can be especially if you are in operations. No time to even attend other interviews or grow. It's like you are trapped. I hope you make the right choice

Vyolet:
Kingdom, Francis and Akunna, the winner will be one of these three,

The judges seem to have other plans. Don't be shocked if Beyonce wins

Uniquekriss:
1. Beyonce Ajomiwe
2. Faith Mac
3. Faith
4. Others

Strike out Beyonce. It's a singing competition and not a beauty pageant. So far, she hasn't performed yet

BluntCrazeMan:
This is typical of those:
“I love my baby.. I don't want my baby to cry... If my baby cries, it tears my heart apart.”
...
The baby had reached FOUR YEARS, and the baby is still a baby.

And some don't develop well because of the parents. They will give all kinds of assorted cereals till the child can't eat normal food.

Itbetter for a child to taste both. Show the child you love them with hugs, kisses, etc. But when it's time to discipline, don't hold back.

Silentinoo:
nah so.. we all know that but really I don't beat kids .. may God help me

Lol...learn o as an African parent.

Benbellamor:
that itself is an insult

You know that idea of trying to paint something as rosy and too good to be true; like as soon as you register, the money will start rolling in. And the members are chanting one thing or tge other in unison and trying to portray a happy family.

I have watched too much Law and Order, Rizzoli and Isles to fall for the theatrics.

bigbauer:
First of, you're not registering, you're making purchase, one time purchase! Turning your liabilities to assets. And you earn commission for bringing business to our partner. If that isn't simple enough, forget it. I don't know what your definition of "scam" is, but show me one person that lost money in this. You receive the products you avoid for, you decide what to do with it. And for the zoom session, be sincere with yourself, did you gain value for the time or not? Be there shouting scam, others are plugging into it and are making a difference.

I didn't get any value. It was just the presenter telling us how many countries she has travelled to and showing us pictures.

bigbauer:
The truth is that the opportunity may not be for you, but with as little as ₦44,888 you can change your life history for the best. I strongly recommend you go to the office first, see things for yourself, the. you can make an informed decision.

Any job/NGO that asks the proposed employee to pay/register should not be taken seriously.

My aunty has been an active member of La Buena Vida for years with nothing to show for it. She tried to get me to join. I have asked several times for her to explain the process of how I will make money but she can't give a concrete answer.

Your zoom meetings are serious scam with members flooding the comment section pretending to be new members paying and registering. Please don't deceive people here because you want to gain members.

saintsylve:
Hummm, let me learn.

I registered with them and when their zoom meeting became un bearable, I hibernated myself till this moment. I know I have lost that money but I cant keep losing my time and energy.

Everyone of them is earning millions in a month, everyday, thousands of naira.....haba.
My only consolation is the chi energy necklace with big pendants which protects one from emissions. Though still in their various groups but dont find myself active with them anymore, the cock must not crow three times, GNLD and now this? Enjoy man.

I was invited to join one of their zoom meetings. The speaker kept talking about how she travels round the world and the members are serious hype people; making you feel they are all making money.

When it got to the point of paying to register, I kept seeing in the comment section different people registering. One person will say "160k paid", another will ask "please can I pay 50 and balance 20k tomorrow.

The way the comment section was busy with plenty people paying, I was suspicious that so people have this kind of money. But I realized mot of those people were their members just trying to push people to pay. People dropping 500k just like that.

I was just amused by everything and I left the meeting. I couldn't see what they are selling; just talk and promises,

Bornsinner7:
WTF!! Inhumane

Who are the Morons that go to sleep with this girls??.. some men are just foolish

Can't believe this shit still happens in Nigeria.. 2 meals in a day?? Damn

What a Wicked world.. if they catch that madam they should treat her same way for like 6 months before proceeding to execute her

We have many of them on this forum; always inquiring about brothels.

ictjobber:
See wetin oyibo TIE cause.. Smh


He wanted to sign a document but she insisted that he must wear his tie before she allows him anywhere near the document.. And the baba insisted that he must sign the document as him don already dress up come.., na so them begin drag.

Na because na woman. If na man, he for no try am.

PissfulProtester:
Why girls just dey miss anyhow these days like this?

Parents, make Una take care of Una female children o! Religion and conscience doesn't work anymore.....Too many heartless people in a country with too many "religious" people

I hope she still has her senses and private parts intact

Guys too. My colleague has been looking for his 14 yr old cousin since last Thursday. He brought the guy from the village to help with his son.

Now the guy's family are saying he should produce their son. My colleague has lost weight in one week looking for this boy. He said that once he finds him, he will travel with him to the village and hand him over to his parents.

You just need to toughen up a bit and learn the act of saying NO. Say no and stick to it. It might make you lose some people; people that are not helping you.

Everyone cannot like you. Know this and be set free. So stop trying to please anyone.

It's something that is really promoted in yoruba movies. I watched one where the man married a second wife because she had some sort of glory around her that brought riches to him.

His first wife wasn't happy off course and was always scheming. Eventually the first wife learnt about the second wife's gift and knelt to beg her for forgiveness. It was just a twisted mentality. I just jept shaking my head about such mindset.

Wickedfacts:
Because the "special person" na runaway goat?

Na you sabi

Maybe she doesn't have value. Men will still chase that special person tire.