Miyah1:

What you are experiencing is a trick of the devil to make you doubt your salvation, it happened to me as well and it's one of the battles you first fight in your mind after you get born again.

Keep reciting 2 Corinthians 5:17; Psalm 103:13 and Hebrews 8:12. The word of God is the sword of the Spirit with which you drive out the fiery darts of the enemy which he throws as doubtful thoughts in your mind.

Your mind is where you fight the greatest battle in life and as a Christian and we can follow the example of Jesus who handled his own temptations by declaring the word of God that 'It is written'...this is the best way to overcome and gain victory in your mind. Memorize the scriptures and recite them, it will drive out the negative thoughts of your past life that you are having and also instill confidence in your mind that God has forgiven you

LawMan44:
Just a regular day but I'm stuck in my thoughts , overwhelmed and confused. I'm daily facing depression.

I hope I survive this.

I pray God delivers you out of it in Jesus name

Tunjibalogun:
I'm a Catholic but once in a while I get to attend pentecostal churches when invited by colleagues though. So I went to this very well known pentecostal church. I found out the following:

(1) They've now modelled their church into several services just as it is done in the Catholic Church unlike before when they go to church by 7am and return by 2pm

(2) They have the pictures of their daddy GO inside the church just like the Catholics use those of Jesus

(3)They also had ornaments like holy oil just like in the Catholic church

(4) They have communion service just like in the Catholic church. I took their wine and communion though

It seems to me like the essence of the pentecostalism is now been defeated because the pentecostal churches we knew when growing up never had these aspects that resembled the Catholic Church practices. To add to it some pentecostal churches now ordain bishops too which were never existent to them them except to the orthodox churches.

Being ordained a Bishop is a bible thing, not what a pentecostal church does or does not do. Taking Holy Communion is an injunction given by Jesus, not an orthodox thing that pentecostals now practice too.

KristaPretty:
Only in Italy.

You cannot try such in Germany, Poland, Switzerland and a few other European countries.

You'd end up seeing yourself at your mom's backyard in the village.

Check YouTube, there's a documentary showing they are already in Germany and, some are even in Canada.

Now you know Nigeria's problem is not just leadership, the followership is as bad, if not worse!

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

This may sound harsh or undesirable but, you and his people may have to take some drastic actions. First, talk to him to know if he's willing to leave the alcohol addiction, if he his then tell him there's a need for him to weaned of it which will involve some form of quarantine. When he's locked up in a place and has no access to the alcohol, you let him have something else instead, he will gradually start to withdraw until the power of the addiction over him breaks. He will need to be motivated by him knowing it's for his own good and so he doesn't lose the life he has built plus losing the love of his his life.

Supreme145:
It's not in my nature to bother about people's relationships but this is happening to someone that's like a brother to me. He has been dating a girl for a year now and it's obvious this girl doesn't love him but he won't just give up. He keeps throwing money at her in a bid to win her love.

Things got messier when this girl met a particular guy some months back... This guy happens to live in the compound of my club mate so I know him well. The girl has begged my guy to free her that she's in love with someone else but this guy no gree instead he's planning to attack the innocent guy.

He confided in me that the girl has not let him touch her since she met this other guy, that's over five months now. I once overhead the guy boasting to his friends that he's a redpiller because someone else is taking care of his girlfriend while he does the knacking free of charge. He's even flexing everything that my guy buys for the girl.
All pleas to my guy to free this girl has fallen on deaf ears.

My club mate told me that the girl has been with the guy for over one month now, my guy comes to town once a week to see the girl, gets her stuffs and this girl will just go back to the other boy that is even jobless.

My guy is finer and far richer than this new guy, he's planning to start a business for this girl and I've been trying to change his mind to no avail. It's no longer normal, I would've said he's charmed but the girl has begged him to free her but he refused. The guy is even the one flexing the sample of the products he sent her. Everything she has done to drive him has failed so she just relaxed and enjoying the money.

This simping is on another level, it hurts me to see my guy in this kinda situation. I've gotten him picture proofs that the girl is cheating but he won't change his mind. The girl even admitted that she's been having sex with the guy buy he's claiming its a lie and the girl is trying to drive away.

Is there anything I can do to help him abeg.

He will learn his lesson when the girl finally leaves him high and dry. These are the type of men who think whatever they want must be theirs, as if a woman doesn't have a right to what she wants. His eye will soon open

jackals:
I'm a beautiful woman in my 30s (33 precisely) with a good career and a budding startup in the make-up business. I'm also very humble and I'm one that appreciate the little things a man do. Recently, I got linked to a guy who just came back from the US and have the intention of settling down just like me. He's successful and very respectful the First time we met, and I was already looking forward to something meaningful with him.

Last week Sunday, he took me out. When I got back home, I noticed I've embarrassed myself too much by literally throwing myself at him. I withdrew and form busy by not responding to his texts and calls for two days. WhatsApp message read but not replied.

On Tuesday, I noticed he didn't message me for the whole day. But I became bothered. Up till now, he has not called me nor message me. I didn't want things to be like this, I just didn't want it to be like I'm desperate of his attention.

Is he that he has moved on or not really interested

If you act like this @ 33, your actions are already a pointer to why your situation is what it is. You have ignored someone's messages for two days, someone who came from that far, who you said is ready to settle yet, you are expecting him to still message you, he very well may see you as being unserious. Even if you come around eventually, he will have this notion that in marriage, this is how you will be behaving. I advice you quickly return all his messages and apologize for not responding all the while. Tell him you were having to work on some things and then ask him how he's doing. I would have recommended you write other things but, it will add to the desperation you are trying to avoid so, just leave it at that and see his response and you can take things from there.

mohziz1:
Hi nairalands...

I received a call from my female friend whose wedding is just a year old, she was weeping on phone seriously.

I tried to percify her and asked what the problem is, she said her husband wants to sleep in a separate room and she told him she is not okay with it.

To cut the story short, the husband had succeeded in separating their room, she said she feels lonely at night and she has tried to talk to him but he wouldn't listen.

Pls what advise can I give to her, and is it okay for a newly wedded couple to sleep in a separate room

It is said that the first two years of marriage are a bit tough. However, the man can't just suddenly decide he wants to be sleeping in another room, it's either she did something that has punctured the man's ego or the foundation of their marriage has issues, the man probably never really liked her. She has to sit with the man and ask him why he wants to sleep separately from her, she needs to find out what is going on as the man may be developing feelings for someone else or had feelings for someone else but circumstances made him marry her. It is said that Prince Charles current wife is his original love but, circumstances made him end up with Princess Diana. However, we all know how the story ended. She should find a way of not allowing the separate sleep thing otherwise, she may be watching her marriage go down the drain

CountVersailles:
We have to remind ourselves that rape has been weaponized or is being weaponized by women, who see themselves as the weaker sex in a battle of the sexes. Sadly, some men must bear the brunt.

Thanks for being honest.

edosignature:
The governor of Kaduna state, The President his Vice & the entire service chiefs should all be Impeached & sack as it is glaring they've all failed.

Economy in shambles
Security, none existing
Education in comatose
Health, none existing
Energy, zero.

Buhari will handle insecurity while Osibanjo will handle economy... Biggest fraud of the century.

You are so on point!!!! I was sold on this too, thinking he will handle security and corruption while he allows the Tinubu bloc in the party to handle the economy but, he had people who became more important in the govt than those who ought to be and they messed things up.

Total blame is not on the Federal though, the State Governments too have their own share of the blame. They get allocation, including local govt allocation and sometimes use it for politics instead of the development of their states. It's really bad

Tiwatope1:
Good day Nairalanders!
I need to make an informed decision.
I have a Capital of 2M , should I open a pharmacy/ chemist in Nigeria or Move to Europe,I also have baking skills.
I'm confused on which part to follow
P.s I'm not a pharmacist but experienced in that field.

Depending on your educational qualification, I will say you travel mostly only to an English speaking country. For now, it's a good option to leave Nigeria

Ajakaiye83:
Pls I need your advice. I am loosing it and I need your advice.

I have 7m cash at hand .should I relocate or build a house with it?
I have a land in ikorodu and ijoko axis with foundation done .

As per relocating,I dont want to go through study route.i dont think I can couple with work and schooling.

Pls advice me

If you have a degree at least or HND or Master's and you have at least current 3years work experience, I will advice you start planning on relocating to Canada.

Go register for IELTS or CELPIP and start preparing, ensure to get your international passport. Start the process of evaluating your qualification and learn about the process as the topic has been treated over and over here on Nairaland. Meanwhile, do not stop doing whatever you are doing that is giving you money. Infact, diversify so you can earn more, money this is to ensure you'll always have money for your expenses and the money to process the immigration plus the one you will need to have in your account.

gistmega:
Pensioners are dying. Teachers are unpaid. The poor have no food and no means of survival. Their concentration is on a group of successful men who were given the widest open doors in life. This is disproportionate. Why should one be granted a house for representing a country? Every single Nigerian is representing the country in many ways. Where is the house for Fela? He also represented Nigeria. Where is the house for Wole Soyinka? Chimamanda, Wizkid? Let us stop this nonsense. someone has stolen cash to built craps for dead men.
Our athletes are hollow-minded.

Viju Wang Nianyong , a Chinese came to Nigeria to produce Viju milk. All Nigerians went gaga for it and turned the man into a $millionaire. If Amunike or Olise had established a tile manufacturing industry in Nigeria, they would have quadrupled their investments today and would frown upon accepting a mediocre kiosk from the government.
If Rashidi Yekini had invested in Car manufacturing, he would have been the Innoson of today and still be alive.

The Patel family came from India to Nigeria to make Royal salt in 1994. They didn't have a pint of the money that Augustine Egavoen had as a baller. But today, they can hire Egavoen.
Nigerians are not seeing opportunities. As soon as one makes a little change, he drinks, phucks and live extravagant lifestyle when he truly has nothing. Nigerians are bailing out while the foreigners are going to Nigeria to become $billionaires. Nigerians see complaints while others see opportunities.

The government is bad but foreigners are cashing out. Shine your eyes. Someone is getting rich making salt only. I know a Nigerian guy supplying charcoal in a particular country and he made it big. So many opportunities

fura de Noonoo has been a staple in the north for centuries. Up till now you can only get it by the roadside. Is there no one with a brain to package it and cash out?

Zobo is still a low-class drink till date.

In Canada, palm oil is sold in catchy bottle and taken like syrup. In Nigeria the oil kegs are eyesores.

In Cyprus, honey is packages in lovely containers but in Nigeria the original honey is sold in dirty gallons.

Dudu Osun packaging is still like Stella pomade.

Abacha is still sold in dirty wraps. What happened to branding?

Bole is still sold the same way my grandfather used to buy it, by the roadside. Beside a drain.

People are cashing out. Nigerians sit in wealth and expect you to go break your back for them to steal it or beg for it.

What stops a welder from teaming up with a mechanic to produce generators? And, Indians are producing for us to buy.
SMH

The one factor that trumped all these is the penchant Nigerians have for anything foreign. It's so bad that Indians at a point were packaging Garri to sell at ShopRite (if I'm not mistaken) because they know Nigerians always like to class themselves.

The lady who owns arguably the biggest interior decor business said some of her clients just won't want anything Nigerian so, she has to keep mum about the fact that she produces some of what she uses in Nigeria otherwise, they won't want it even though it's probably same with what she will import. Trust me, it's not just a govt thing, the people have a problem.

Righteousness2:
The Perfect Prophetic Superstorm is right in our Eyes. These are Preparations for the Ezekiel 38 &39 GogMagog Invasion of Israel.

Prophet Zechariah, tells us in the Last days, Israel will be the Focal point of World Conflict, and gives a Dire warning to the Nations who would dare go against Jerusalem.

Zechariah 12:2-3
Behold, I will make Jerusalem a cup of trembling unto all the people round about, when they shall be in the siege both against Judah and against Jerusalem.

And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces, though all the people of the earth be gathered together against it.

Folks! Bible is playing out live before our very eyes.

I Admonish, Plead and Warn all to come to JESUS Christ , Surrender to HIM, Live according to HIS Word and be Prepared because JESUS IS COMING!!

You nailed it! God bless you.

IyaOmo1:
Dear Great Nairalanders

I am in urgent need of your advice on a decision I am about to make that could shape my life and my young family in about few months from now.

I am currently running successful businesses which give me a steady minimum of N1.5M per month with a potential for expansion. I have been nursing the idea of going to UK on a study Visa by September this year with the hope that I can get a well paying job that could surpass my current earnings here in naijja. I also intend to keep my naija business running but we all know trusting people with kind of investment can be tricky and risky.

What assurance do I have about earning more and having a better life in UK? What happens to my businesses I already built up in Naija? What happens to my properties here in naija?

Your advice will be of great help at this critical decision making moment of my life. Thank you

For the young family that you have, Canada is your best option. Your wife can work while you are schooling or, you can even do the permanent resident application. Also, think very well before you leave that business

Dailyparrot:
My brother lives in the remote part of Ikorodu. They have three kids.

The children didn't go to school throughout last term and this term again, they've been staying at home. When other kids in the compound have gone to school, his kids will remain at home with the wife doing nothing.

The reason the wife stopped the kids from going to school is because she wants them to leave that part of Lagos and move to the developed part of Ikorodu or any township part of Lagos.

Invariably, she's using the kids staying at home to protest and punish the husband, maybe?

I feel she's punishing the kids and not the husband. My brother leaves for work very early in the morning and will not be able to take the kids to school himself.

He's not financially capable of relocating at this time but I feel he can plan with his wife and save towards relocating, maybe in a year's time but I doubt the wife is taking the best approach.

The wife said she's not taking up any job or starting any business until they relocate from that area. So for now, the whole burden is on my brother.

Please, what's the best approach to this their family issue. We don't want to take side and go hard on the wife, but, don't feel she's taking the best decision for the kids.

I understand the woman and the man but, she's taking things too far. They can have an arrangement for her to move to her parent's house for the time being if they live in Lagos. They can then plan on raising the money to rent an apartment in the busier part of town

NovesaTillie:
Please I need only matured minds on this.
It's a serious matter.

My elder sister and her husband were married for 5 years and separated November last year but not divorced yet, though the families have been trying to reconcile them to come back together but my sister's husband has been adamant about it.

I noticed that ever since his separation from my sister he started visiting my place and now it has become frequent. I allowed it because I see him as a brother but now I am starting to really enjoy his company. He has been helping me out with stuffs and still maintains his kindness towards my parents.

He proposed marriage to me yesterday and I have been confused. I will be 30 by February 2nd.
Should I accept his proposal?

You should already know the answer - NO! A capital NO, it will end badly between the two of you and will make your own family turn against you. It is not worth it because, you will be going against God's laws and against good judgement.

I also think the guy is either immature or just *.....*, how can you go to propose marriage to the sister of a woman you have not divorced? It's even a slap on your family and your parents in particular, is he expecting that your parents will agree anyway or that he will take you away if they don't? He wants to marry twice from the same family, the guy has serious problems! How does he plan to get through the barrier of your family? Someone they are begging who refused is then thinking he will go ask the same people for another of their daughter's hand in marriage? You better perish the thought and tell him not to come see you again except you as well have issues!

JungleJustice01:
I've been thinking strongly of relocating these past couple years and I've made up mind I'm going for it in 2022.

I'm awaiting my IELTS result already and will redo if needed.

A little bio
31 years with about 8 years professional experience in Agric, top tier companies, married with 1 child and expecting one by June next year. I'll be able to come up with #5million for this project.

3 options on my mind.

1. Canada skilled migration
2. Australian skilled migration
3. Post graduate in Germany.

I've breezed through their pages but there's so much information to consume and so right now, I want to make a reasonable choice I can follow through to the end.

Which option do I have/has the best prospects for me please. I've thought of USA post graduate but the tuitions are just too high.

Thanks

Canada might still be your best option, especially if the course you studied in school is not related to your work experience. Better you relocate as a permanent resident than as a student.

As for Canada, check the provincial nomination programmes and see which one you can qualify for while waiting for the direct FSW programme as that pool is full and pouring over now.

Moreign001:
Hello Guys, Good Morning and a Happy Sunday to you all.

I don't know how concise i can be, but I will try.

I just graduated last 3 months, with my girlfriend who's now my ex, and she's 26yrs of age while I'm 28yr.

We started dating from our 200level till yesterday, (that's approximately 4yrs and counting...).
We were ideal together, we were well known in school, to an extent where her friends and mine kept asking how? And wishing theirs was like ours..

She promised never to leave, and she please everyday that I should never hurt her. At times we jokingly talked about our future kids which is now a never happening fable.

So after we graduated, she travelled to stay with her aunt, we do check on each other everyday.

Last month.. She called, and said her friend needs an advice, that she and her date just graduated, and that another man is asking her out, and she's thinking of dumping her guy since he's not ready, and that the newly known man is ready to pay for her marriage rites.
Immediately I knew she was the one in the story, because I already had several dreams were she left me. I pretended, I told her to tell her friend to "Follow Her Heart".

Last night she called, and said there's something she wants to tell me, I responded, "Is it what I already know?", she asked what? I told her she's getting married soon, and she said yes! I was speechless. I asked her for how long has this been going on, she said it started when she came to stay with her Aunt. We spoke, and I congratulated her, she started crying, I ended the call, sent her a good luck text.

This morning, she called and said she couldn't sleep last night. I asked her why she did it, why she decided to get married, she said she doesn't know. I asked if she likes the guy, she said yes. She couldn't stop crying and was saying I shouldn't leave her, while she's the one leaving me. I was totally down, but I have crazy friends. I WhatsApp a friend, told him what just happened, his words boosted me up. He said, " Support her, we move, no be God leave you". That was enough, but it's hard, really hard to move on without her, and she said the same thing and kept pleading I shouldn't leave her.
Now I'm asking, if I was the one who had left, what would have been the story? That I used her and dumped her, because this has always been used against the guys.
Why are women in a rush to marry? They don't even add value to themselves, I'm now 80% in agreement that marriage is one of the greatest achievement for a woman, maybe in Nigeria.

Women sometimes aren't as strong as men, it's why she's reaching out to you. She's literally asking you to save her out of the situation she has found herself which is not totally wrong!

I will say you fight for it, especially since you don't mind getting married next year. If you choose to not go ahead, don't think it will be easy for you as well to move on. Trust me, it's 80% likely you will not find someone like her and at that stage, you would wish you fought to have her back, it's not easy to throw away what you both have built over the years.

Also, you should expect that at 26, that's very much what she's going to be thinking about - Marriage, she can be adding the value along the way, doesn't need to put one on hold for the other because, trust me, its better to start early!

Finally, fight to have her back. If she however doesn't come back to you eventually then, you will know you have satisfied your conscience and the ball is no longer in your court.

MISSNORA:
Good evening all! Please i need mature replies on this topic. My elder brother is really hurting right now.

The Story.
My elder brother got married earlier this year...before the marriage, he was fully aware that his childhood friend[Michael] had dated his wife to be with sexx involved. The wife is the truthful type and lays everything bare. Michael is well aware that his ex [my elder Bros wife] is fully married to his friend[my brother]....My brothers wife and Michael recently reconnected again on social media and has since started up chats that "MAY" lead to them flirting. She shows my brother the chats and gives him every update. My brother is not happy with this development and is yet to communicate this to his wife.

Questions.
1...Should he tell the wife to block of Michael (his wife's ex, whom is coincidentally his childhood till date friend) ?is this a wise move considering the fact that this might make his wife start hiding stuffs
... The wife is cool with maintaining contact with this particular ex[Michael]....thought he tells my brother everything /the chats.
2....Can you allow ur spouse still in contacts with his/her ex?
3....Should my brother just talk to Michael straight up to stop chatting his wife?

He had better put his feet down and tell the wife to sever any relationship with the Michael, what you are seeing is how some women got into infidelity and they later say they didn't know how it happened but, the deed would have been done. Your brother shouldn't be lily-livered here, his wife and Michael's relating with each other should stop immediately otherwise, the marriage might end up the way he didn't plan

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

"Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O"....I laughed so hard at this!

You don't need to worry especially if your wife is Yoruba, they did all they did for themselves, to cater to their own guests which they know you may not have the financial strength to bear. Weddings especially in Yorubaland isn't always about the groom and the bride but the parents as well.

tunjilee003:
Most of my friends who are not schooling are into fraud, while chatting with them, they will always tell me i'm wasting my time and resources.... This always make me depressed.... I'm tired and don't know what to do....

You are with the wrong friends, cut them all off and find friends who are going in your direction! There are many still making it without doing fraud and let me tell you, many of them will fade soon, then you will realize you took the right decision.

Momma2:
My hubby and i were visiting a friend of his yesterday.
We are quite friendly with each other so no awkward hugs and all.
However, something strange happened yesterday.
I went into the kitchen to get something to eat,
while i was there, he came in and tried to hug me.

I didn't think much of it but he continued to put his arm's around me and rub me.
I pulled away gently only for me to turn around and see a huge erection.
I acted as though i didn't notice and ran from the kitchen.

He is quite close to my hubby but i feel as though i should tell my husband.

Your candid opinion please.

What kind of circle are you in, that will make your hubby's friend have the effrontery to approach you in that manner and won't even mind your husband is around the corner? It might mean your husband probably does such before and his friend knows as it is birds of a feather that flock together. My suggestion is that you stay away from the friend

Warrior14:
I will be getting married in 3 weeks time but I'm not happy
I'm getting married to a man who has beaten me two different times. I'm getting married to a man who is heartless and doesn't know how to love and treat a woman right. I'm getting married to a man who does not have a mind of his own.

I'm getting married but I'm already thinking of divorce.

I'm overwhelmed! I'm physically strong but I'm weak.
Just don't want to wake up from my sleep so I won't have to continue with this marriage plans as I can't stand the shame of calling off the marriage at this time.

The shame you are trying to avoid now is what you will still face if you divorce in the future. The good one with facing it now is that you will at least not have the history of being a divorcee whose market value has diminished and from Christianity's point of view, will still be able to marry anyone of your choice. You should have voiced out before now, even if its on Nairaland like this before it got to this stage.

These being said, its sometimes normal to develop cold feet when the wedding date approaches. Different doubts come to your mind as you will be wondering if you made the right choice. Feelings of throwing away your freedom as a single sometimes creeps in. Infact, you could start meeting people who seem they fit more the picture of your ideal husband than the one you want to marry but, where were they all the while? You need to be sure these are not what is making your decision shake.

Finally, before you make a decision, please know that it is possible you may not meet anyone who will want to marry you again for a long time. It doesn't have to happen that way but it can so, think deeply. However, if you are certain he really doesn't care about you and he might continue to hit you in the marriage then, call it quits. First tell your parents, explain everything that has transpired between you two. Your father will understand and will likely support you if he hears he has beaten you twice before. If your parents don't support you, let them know you are sorry but you cannot risk your life plus, the most important thing is that you are not happy and that the marriage might still end in divorce anyway. If they listen to you, they will set up a meeting with his own parents and let them know why they will not proceed and a mutual understanding will be reached. If you are still concerned about the shame thing then, both families can appear like everything is still fine. Go to the registry, let them take you inside a room where no one will know you were not joined. Let the reception also be done sharply with no one suspecting what is going on then, they will announce you are leaving quickly. After you are driven away, let each one go their way.

I must warn you know that he will likely want to harm you so, ensure you lodge a complain in the police station and ask for a protection. Begin to also plan your relocation as I'm almost certain he will come for you. Anyone who beats you and does not care for you is likely to want to control your life and if you break away, there may be harm in the way so, plan everything well and take your safety into consideration.

wisemum:
I am bringing this topic here to see if I can get any good advise from youths of the same generation.

My son returned from schooling abroad two years ago and after completing his NYSC, has been trying to get a job. None has been forthcoming but he tries to keep occupied, trying his hands on different projects. He still lives at home but says that once he is financially stable, he will get his own apartment and move out.

He is generally a calm, law abiding , likeable gentleman until when he recently started bringing home this girl who dresses like a prostitute and who I discovered stays overnight in his room with him. His dad and I have fought him over this subject to no avail. I confronted the girl to tell her I do not feel comfortable with her sleeping overnight in my house especially since I do not know her family and will be held responsible if anything happens to her. She apologized to me and promised not to come to sleep over again. However, I noticed that after that, he started sneaking her in at late hours of the night when he thinks we have gone to bed, sometimes when it is past midnight. He hasn't introduced the girl to us as anything to him even though I have asked him several times what his intentions with this girl is but he will just say she is a friend that makes him happy- that's all.

He told his uncle that he likes the girl. I don't even know what else to do. I have tried talking to him, reasoning with him, but it all falls on his deaf ears. I do not like this girl at all. She comes across to me as a street girl- even though she is generally polite when she meets me at home anytime she comes during the day. I investigated and found out her work place is not far from our house. What I do not like about her is that she dresses, exposing delicate parts of her body and is a chain smoker.

Furthermore, to me, a girl who sleeps out in a mans' parent house, continually disregarding how his parents feel about it, cannot be good news. Once, I caught her almost naked in the night walking along the corridor leading to my sons room. She ran inside his room when she saw me. I was so embarrassed and wondered what if my husband had been the one who ran into her? What kind of thing is this? Only her pant on, breasts bare. It was the following day I traced her to her work place and gently but sharply and firmly told her I do not permit her to sleep over in my house again. His dad also spoke with him. I also spoke to him. Everything has been to no avail.

He still sneaks her in. Or did she jazz him?, Please advise me. Thanks.

Stay up one night and be on guard, ensure there's no way he would be able to sneak her in without you noticing. He will know that day that you will not allow the girl to come in. Do it for one whole week ensuring the girl doesn't stay in your house. He will decide that time whether he will stay in your house or move out or cut the girl off! Children still feeding on their parents must know they gotta respect the rules!

It's simple...report the matter to the police or find some of these organizations who help people for free with situations like this, they will get the man into problem at least, even if your sister doesn't want to leave him. When he faces trouble and law court issues, he will be the one to send your sister back

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

She probably feels she's invested too much of her time in keeping with the domestic demands of the marriage hence, her leaving virtually everything and probably not caring whether you will take it up or not. You will need prayers and talking with her to get her to change because, that state she's in now is dangerous!

Even if you divorce her, there's no sign she will care about the children, meaning you are still likely to be the one to raise those children alone. You seriously need God to intervene as it seems all the odds are stacked against you.

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

You are very much likely a mugu to her or, at best, she's immature! At any rate, I advice you leave that relationship. Much as a man ought to provide, relationships shouldn't be reduced to material things

abisoye2:
Nairaland has always been a place of resort when it comes to finding lasting solution to one's problem/albatross as this platform is beclouded with cerebral intellectuals.

==> I am a young man of 27 years old from an average background. I'm currently outside the country earning little above #200k doing blue colar job in one of the Emirates of UAE. I have NCE certificate in one of the Colleges of Education in Nigeria of which I intended to further into Degree(BSc) in Nigeria before travel opportunity showcased which I obliged.
However, I wish to migrate to one the European countries preferably through study route(as one of the easy way to migrate) so as to acquire my Degree(Bsc, because I have great passion for education) and to improve my life(you understand) before considering anything else.

I have been saving larger portion of my salaries to around #2.7m which is not enough for my plan but i'm still managing my work and still saving to actualize my plan with the help of God.

Sorry I forgot to tell you intellectuals that I'm the only Son among 6 children and I'm sinlge. Now, my mother back home is trying to tell me to start a building project on our vacant land and indirectly proposing 'getting married' to me as the larger part of her prayers when discussing on phone is how God should give me a good woman, the loving woman...(you know African Mothers').
It's good to note that my elder sisters have birthed children so Mum is already a "Grandma". I tried to explain to her politely that my plan is not to marry now or spending my little money on building a house only to halfway and continue struggling and saving from scratch rather to develop myself first and then money will come with it and I can now consider marriage afterwards.

I Also think about business but I think it's risky. Also, marrying and leaving my wife back home doesn't sit well with me and bringing her here making family wouldn't be easy as maintaining family is expensive here and there is no child benefit/support compared to the west. Perhaps taking care of my widow mother and taking care of wife/family and sometimes relatives wahala from my paltry salary is striking fear into my bone marrow.

So, getting married now/starting a building project would take away my money and might shatter my plans.

Great Nairalanders, please I am confused, advise me, come to my rescue!

Admin, please help my life by pushing this for me. E dakun!

You can't even build anything with that money, just focus on your plans to relocate to either Europe or North America!

If it's Europe you want to go, I may suggest you go to Switzerland, you can work and school and salary can be as much as 2000Euro so, strat researching that.

zealousayo:
Good day, elders.
Please I would love to ask two questions. The first question is, how good and promising is a career in Industrial Engineering?
The second question is, can someone with a bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering do a Masters degree in Industrial Engineering?

University of Ibadan offered Masters in Industrial Engineering back in the days (not sure if they still do). It's a little more focused on Production Engineering or in some other climes, Logistics. Check the school where you plan on doing the masters and find out the individual courses they make up the program to see if it suits what you are looking for.

CR777:
My sister is a kind hearted girl, she's been this way since way back.

She gained admission into the university and the place she stays in lacks electricity as it is a village in anambra state, I had to get a solar for her to help her cope with charging her stuffs and also having an illuminated room.

Well, she made friends who are in the same department living in her lodge, at first, they only came to her to charge their phones and reading light and gist but it has now graduated to them eating up all her food whenever they come to her room to charge.
She called today asking me to help her with cash for food stuff, this is someone that went back to school barely two weeks ago with enough cash and food stuffs.

In this life, please try and keep good heart aside and stand up to people who see you as a mugu.

Please nairalanders, how can I advice her?
She needs a brain reset to understand that in life, one has to look out for oneself before others.

Tell her to not buy foodstuff for a while and that when the one she has is about to finish, she should tell the friends that she will be coming to eat at their place for a while. Their response will let her know how to handle them thereafter

ItCanOnlyBeGod:
I know it sounds unbelievable. 19? The truth is, there are more people who are like the former me. This is not a drill. You can't tell the shame, the emotional burden, the crushed self-esteem that accompanies this ailment that literally has little or no cure. (Except correctional surgery, which I couldn't afford.)

For the past nineteen years of my life, I haven't considered myself as someone who has left babyhood. What started from infancy was what I didn't stop even at this age. I tell you, this is something you shouldn't pray for your enemies to have. Sleeping on a dry bed and having to wake up in the middle of the night just to find yourself soaked in the pool of your own urine.

I tried a lot of things: reducing water intake at night and setting alarms, yet non was effective. I even started reading articles on bed wetting that I stumbled on a Nairaland post where someone was asking for help. (He was made mockery of, as he was told to wear pampers at night). I still didn't find any solution except temporary remedies. When I was much younger, my mother came back home with some seeds and asked me to chew, saying that it is the final remedy for bed wetting. I chewed religiously, and it stopped for a week. For that week I couldn't believe myself. Waking up on a dry bed was as if I was gifted with a diamond. But then it returned. I chewed again, but this time there was no result. I lost hope. Literally. My only hope and consolation was to grow older and become rich so that I can have a surgery. Whenever I had to sleep outside for any reason, I would spend the whole while thinking of how the night would be. I would be thirsty, but the horror of bed wetting would keep me from drinking. Chai! This thing no be better thing o. Tueh! Not to think that each time it happened, I would be accused of being lazy or wetting the bed deliberately.

Like four or five years ago, I got closer to God. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I worked in the house of God (my local church) thinking that God would at least pardon me and bless me with healing for doing all these for Him. Deep down, I knew I was trying to bribe God. I was that desperate. It didn't work, of course. I cried to Him, fasted and prayed numerously yet there was no answer. That was when I began to question the existence of this God. Perhaps, I was simply indoctrinated to a religion that I was born into. Perhaps, He doesn't exist. Well, I continued working in His house, but only took it as a weekly social function. Sit there and do your work and go home and then return every service day. I started a lot of questioning within myself. Infact, I began to have resentment towards God. It was going towards severe hatred for Him.

Well, during this year's RCCG Convention titled "A New Wave Of Glory", I watched the program on television with my family. When it was testimony time, I began to hear testimonies that were unbelievable and questionable: Of a man who sat down and became invisible after obeying the Voice of the Holy Spirit when he was attacked by herdsmen in his church; a man getting his vision back after years of blindness and many more. Were all those staged? No, Daddy Adeboye should be better than that, I thought. There and then, I decided to put an end to bed wetting! Several days after, I went to God in humility, asking for forgiveness and acknowledged His existence. I cried in desperation and asked God to heal me before this August runs out. It was like a bet, because I told Him that if He did it for me, I would testify to His own Glory. (Actually, that's the only thing I can give Him in return. He doesn't require any other thing from me). I told Him that it must be in this August, so that I will be convinced of His power.

I'm smiling right now while typing this, because from that day which was like the 12th or thereabout, I have been waking up as dry as ever! I would have done this testifying this past week, but my phone was down. I'm doing it now, though the month hasn't run out. It's my way of telling God, "Daddy, I believe You already and I have tasted of your mercy and goodness". I love You Lord!! And I will continue to serve you. This has made me see that God doesn't have to go about proving His existence or Power to people who doubt Him. It's even belittling of Him. Thank You sweet Jesus!
Please Nairalanders, I humbly ask you to help me thank the Lord for me. This will act as a seal to my healing. Affliction will not rise the second time. Never. Thank you very much.

I don't know, but if only you can try God today, you may be lucky enough to be shocked to the marrow by His wonders.

Please, the moderators should help me move this to front page. I don't know who to call, but they should help me reach greater audience that I may do good on my promise.


Mods, Thank you in advance. Righteousness2( This is an honorary mention for being a serious motivation, even though you may not know it).

All thanks to God for your life. We give God the praise