₦airaland Forum

I’m so happy for you. God is good. Welcome to the club !!

Mommadd:
Hello All
I have been following this thread for a while now though have not really be commenting
I'm glad to announce that God has answered me after 8 plus years of waiting
Edd is march 2020
Yet to know the sex

Agreed @ mzleemah

Chimzy09:
We are here momma. You’re already doing a good job as cappo, wouldn’t mind you taking up the mantle

Trust me I have the same issue with my hubby.

I bought him an expensive perfume. Tom Ford black orchid or whatever, like 40k. it wasn’t even his birthday or anything. It was just a gift to surprise him spontaneously and he was so nonchalant about it, he was now asking me why I spent my money on it. He barely said thank you.

I think it’s just a Male thing, but it’s not right. His birthday is coming up this month and in my life I’m not even going to buy him a handkerchief. I can’t stand ungratefulness.

Funny enough marriage brings out the motivational side of you. Once you know that you have a child to fend for and a woman to feed, it may push you beyond your limit. Makes you more responsible, you begin to limit unnecessary spending and you focus more on lucrative investments for the long term benefits of your family. Also some women are very capable of bringing out the best of their partners or noticing talents or skills that was not noticeable before. They say two heads are better than one so I think this could be true. It just depends

AS a woman who is currently 4 months pregnant with my first child, this made me cry. It’s not easy but it’s worth it in the end.

After a long time of not having frequent sex, maybe she has become accustomed to living that way. Maybe she doesn’t see the excitement of sex anymore. Sometimes when you don’t have sex for so long, you can even forget what it feels like, hence her nonchalant attitude. I’m sure once you guys start having frequent sex again, her libido will go back to normal. Do not assume she’s cheating when there’s no evidence or any suspicion to think so.

Darling I don’t know if you’re bitter or talking from a place of pure emotions, but all you wrote up there is a bunch of lies. I’ve come across some of your threads, and personally I think you have a personal vendetta against men. Please understand that social media is not real life, the energy you put out is what you will receive in return. That you have had bad experiences personally in your past or you have read stories about the minority of marriages shouldn’t be used as a golden rule.

Both genders must sacrifice some part of their life in a marriage. You still have to make sacrifices in your life when single. You will still go through stress, emotional trauma and disappointment if you stay single, that is what life is all about darling. Whether you decide to stay single for the rest of your life, you will still lose your beauty and youth, you will still cook and clean and do all domestic actions for yourself, it’s part of life. When you marry the right man, trust me life will become 20x better. Loneliness is something I don’t wish upon my worst enemy.

CHoccolaTE:
I asked this question before in another topic and I will ask it again;
What exactly do women gain from marriages apart from escaping societal pressure of getting married and having kids?

Men are the ones prolonging their lineage with marriage and kids,
Men are the ones in charge of whatever homes they set up after marriage, they have control, they have the final say. Everyone submits to them.
Men are the ones who get both a co-breadwinner and lifetime cook, cleaner, sex slave ( trust me many married women lack sexual satisfaction, sex after marriage is mostly for husband's benefit),
Men can even cheat with impunity and have children outside wedlock and go scot free, he basically maintains his freedom to have wanton sex just like when he was a bachelor, and he gets no blame and his wife is advised to stay with him because men are ' naturally polygamous'.


Yet society wants us to believe women benefit more from marriages.


With loss of freedom, loss of former identity ( changing surname even if the man you now bear his name cannot take care of you or provide for you), loss of beauty and youth after having children that belong to another mans lineage and family, horrible unsatisfying sex life in many cases, is forced to overlook cheating husbands behaviour, must balance greatest majority of housework and breadwinning while husband contributes barest minimum to housework. The man might even be jobless but the wife is advised to stay and support her husband and help him grow.

Infact the list of losses is endless.

I’ve never laughed so hard on a thread before

I’m crying tears pouring down my face. I can’t breathe.. chineekeeeee ohhhh hahaha

Mr I have catched her, go and marry her right now. She is your God given partner that the angels have sent to you from up above.

Silly cow lool

If you’re a woman in a workplace surrounded by men, you must behave like a man that’s the only way to gain respect unfortunately. If you behave too dainty and soft or feminine , they’ll try to take advantage. Somebody will try to sleep with you. So that’s the only advice I can give.

God bless youuuu

I thought I was going mad going through the tribalistic foolish comments until I met yours. There’s still sanity in the world. To God be all glory.

franchasng:
Don't listen to your parents in this situation because they are old and out of touch with life, they are still holding on to some past traditional beliefs and myths that Mbaise people are cunning, that ancient Mbaise people do eat human being, that Mbaise people killed a white missionary and hung his bicycle on a tree to avoid the bicycle from running back to whiteman's land to inform the whitemen....


And there is a popular phrase that says: if you see an Mbaise man and a snake, that you should kill Mbaise man first before the snake, and that phrase was culled from a hate or let me say revenge song sang by an aggrieved member Dansach of Owerri based highlife music band: Oriental Brothers when the main singer and founder of the highlife band, Dr. Sir Warrior cheated him by sidelining him in money sharing which is common among musicians and their managers all over the world.

You know songs travel farther than any other thing, so that song traveled so far and made people became so conscious of Mbaise people and whatever they do...such that any little crime or bad behavior an Mbaise person commits, people tend to overblow and magnify it because they are already on censor.

Just like Ijebu, Ibadan, Ilesa, Ngwa, Fulani, etc people....these are all stereotypes based on past myths and believes of the past.


Judge people individually based on their actions, their attitudes towards you, and how they treat you, not based on what people say or what you hear.

Have your own experience....there are bad people in all communities, tribes and races.....don't let fallacies of hasty generalization based on mythological beliefs and unfounded scares to scare you away from people.


That your parents had a bad encounter with an Mbaise person is not enough reason for them to refuse you marrying an Mbaise man that loves and treats you right, open your eyes, this is 21st century.....I am sure you are not financially independent, you still depend a lot on your parents to allow their unfounded reasons to deter you from being with someone who treats you right.


Besides majority of people all over the world now no longer carry the traits of their tribe or community because most people now spend most of their lives in other cities and communities, hence, they will exhibit more of the traits of people around where they reside or live......so tell your parents you aren't marrying the man to go and live in the village with him to be farming and be dragging issues with the community people.

Or are you telling me that an Mbaise man who has lived in Canada for 20 years and gave birth in Canada, that his children born and raised in Canada will be exhibiting the over-generalized Mbaise people character

Please enlighten your parents and make them understand why they should stop reasoning like people of 1935

Poor people and their irrational decisions and assumptions. Rich people and families don't have tribe or community when it comes to marriage, business or social issues, it can only exist during politics and its for their political gains. Rich families marry to grow their wealth & political dynasty without considering tribe, community, etc while the poor marry to please their ancestors & communities, and to remain in their clan & to retain their tribal heritage, which is why your parents are so fixated on past beliefs and false stereotypes about Mbaise people


If your parents were rich, I am sure what they will be asking u is who are his parents, what does the guy do for a living and not this; 'don't marry from Ibadan, don't marry from Ijebu'. Its only poor, unexposed families that live on these stupid assumptions/stereotypes that keep them poor and stagnant instead of thinking economically forward and capitalist, they will be focusing on stupid stereotypes that only keep them economically stagnant.


Go and marry your village palm wine tapper na

fykes:
If u really expect me to engage in name calling with u, u are lost.
if u really believe that a couple's actions can be totally independent of each others in marriage, u have never been married.

Then please why did her husband insert his penis inside his own niece in law under their roof? Was his actions totally independent or did he think about his wife? But now the deed is done, the husbands feelings must be put into consideration. Okay that’s totally logical.

It is very possible. A man that can not control his sexual urge to his own niece in law, which I’m sure he witnessed her upbringing from a very young age, can sleep with his child. You would be so surprised how many fathers sexually molest their children, it’s absolutely disgusting.

cooooooks:
This is a weird angle.

Just because he (allegedly) had sex with a 19 year old woman does not mean that he will have sex with his own children.

I get what you’re saying and to a certain degree, I agree with you. Men and women are not the same. We operate in different capacities in a marriage and we also have different ways of thinking. However, they’re certain things that do not discriminate regardless of gender. One of those things being mental trauma and psychological damage that can occur in a marriage. It results to a slow and untimely death, no gender immune. It is not unwise or ‘emotional’ for any gender to leave a marriage if they are experiencing such. It’s no more just a ‘feeling’ but a state of being.

calgaryFriend:
You sound very bitter and emotional.
You have to learn to differentiate between realities and fantasies.

The reality is what I have painted for you, regardless of what you think, thats the way Africa works.

And yes, our ancestors were not always wise, but they had a much more stable and satisfying family life than we have today , so much for our emancipation and egalitarianism.

Its just like you waking up and saying , why do women have to go through menstruation every month and men dont, or why do women have to be the one to carry pregnancy.

Do you see how stupid that would be ? Is that fair no ? But still if you asked that question that would be very stupid of you.

Thats exactly how you sound now, again. Men and women in Africa operates with different rules.

Let me give you an example, if your sister brought home a guy now as a partner, the first question you would ask her is what kind of job does he do.
In your mind you already believe he will be the one to provide for the home, your sister may not even have a job, that does not matter.

Do men come out and scream blue murder ? It is just the way it is... I hope you get my point. .

No boundaries what so ever. Cover his tracks and forgive your husband, and physically you stay alive. Mentally and internally you are dead, which in the long run causes so much damage. It’s like putting a bandage to cover a fatal stab wound. It might stop the bleeding partially but eventually the extreme blood loss along with complications will lead to death. Well as they say ‘till death do us part’ and I guess some women are willing to die for their marriage. It is well and I will not judge them.

GrabHisBalls:
Nigerian men with their double standard and hypocrisy. They tell you, "I won't like it if you cheat" only to realize they have a degree in sleeping around. I am not surprised most of those who have commented think op has a marriage to keep. It takes two to keep a marriage. Questions are; what if she wasn't pregnant and what if she had agreed to get it aborted, would your husband have stopped sleeping with her?

Instead of having this type as a husband, let me die single. Imagine the humiliation. Your wife's niece. He knows no boundaries and you're saying he's respected. Respected by people who have no idea of the kind of man he is.

You sleep with an outsider and create a child with her, that is still redeemable.

But you sleep with my own niece under my roof who is under 21. After confronting you, you are still denying it?
Are you sure somebody like this cannot kill you in your sleep for their own selfish desires?


Madam if you find out this child is his, you really have to examine your mental strength. Are you capable of putting this under the rug and taking the child in like your own? Will you be able to live in peace looking at your husband and this child knowing that he has possibly destroyed you mentally? Will you have the mental capacity to truly trust and love your husband wholeheartedly after this situation? Or will you be living in constant resentment, hatred and bitterness, which could create a very hostile and damaging environment for your children? This situation is very subjective and personal and you are the only one that can make that judgement for yourself.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best and I hope you can attain your sanity and peace throughout this tragic situation, because that comes first. Goodluck.

Mothers love can never compete with a dad. Mothers will always be number one in a child’s life.

It is very clear to me that financially you are not doing your job as a husband but you want your wife to her job perfectly with no excuses. How can you be asking if it is your right to pay for your own daughters school fee? You are comfortable with your wife paying your daughters school fees, and I’m very sure she is paying for many other things in the household yet you still want her to cook clean and wash your clothes like a king. If your wife is the breadwinner, you must humble yourself to do things around the house with no complaints and help out. You can’t expect her to do everything Biko. If you want submission from a woman, you must learn how to behave like the head of the home and take full responsibility. Your wife is misbehaving because she has lost respect for you hence why her parents are also agreeing with her stance. Look in the mirror and buckle up. Husband position no be beans. If you need to separate then better. Go and work on yourself

tbaba84:
Hmmm, i really felt for you sha cos its always difficult to just say bye bye for someone you love so much, same thing is happening in marriage right now, i got married 2yrs ago, but since last yr my marriage has been so terrible to an extent the 2 families must meet to discuss on our matter.What is causing the problem is something both of us can iron out between ourselves.How on earth will i have a wife that i will not be able to sleep with any time i want sex,my wife hardly give me sex, she hardly cook for me any time she comes back from work, i cant torch her boobs, i cant kiss her, she hardly sweep the house during the week, except weekend, i do go to the market myself, even if i come back she will tell me she cant cook sometimes i will be the one to cook the soup,she doesnt wash my clothes, some times she will use plates in the kitchen and leave it in the sink and go to work, on weeked's she will sleep till 10oclock and when ever she wakes up instead of her to go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast,what she will do next is to pack her clothes and my baby clothes and begin wash.if i ask her baby what are we eating in this morning , she will reply me by saying she doesnt know.i have been begging my wife for sex for the past one week now but she is depriving me of it.but i did one thing which i later regretted. when my body can no longer hold it any more i raised my hands on her and beat her.But what her family stand on now is that they dont beat a woman from their place and i have reported this issue to them severally.but my question now is, My wife has requested for divorce now and which the dad is also in support because my wife is the bread winner of her family,the father said he will call my uncle to know when we will sit down to discuss when she will come and pack her loads, should allow her to pack her loads or we should not even go for the meeting. And again i asked her to send me her account no so that i can send her some change to use to buy food and provision for my baby,what she said what that Mr man if you know this money you are sending to me will make me come back to that house,it will never work out ooo.she did not send the account no.but last week she sent a msg to me telling me she has paid for my daughter school fee but remaining 10k to balance it up.that was when she now sent me the account no.please house should i send it to her, please advice me.Almost everyone have begged her to come back home that she is even the one at fault but she insisted that she is no more coming bk to my house that i should go and marry another wife that will tolorate me.please i also need an advise on what to do. And again is it my right to pay my daughter school fee cos i am not the one that enrolled her in school and i am not the one that sent her mother packing.

My cousin is a young single man with no children and he is trying to marry a single mother. To be honest a lot of men don’t care they’re ready to be step daddies. When the girl is fine, can cook, bedmatics, most men become blind and stupid.

chinchum:
In Naija, is where one single mother is doing yanga to her Baby daddy. She most likely will lose out so badly.

You shouldn't be going to report her to the parents. Reporting your spouse or girlfriend to the parents is like the very very last resort, like when breakup or divorce is almost imminent. If you can not resolve your issues between yourself, there is no point marrying.

In my opinion sef, she needs the relationship/marriage more than you do. If she thinks one sharp dude wants to keep a single mother, she is certainly in dream land, and it wont be long she will see reality. Having a child tends to make woman mature faster, but it appears in her case it had no effect.

I’m sorry but not all women are destined to be career women. Self accomplishments are very personal, and what might seem silly to another might be huge to others. To some women, raising children in a stable marital home is their biggest achievement in life. They are happy and fulfilled with that and nobody can take that away from them. They might decide to have a small business on the side but taking care of their home is their biggest career. They are happy. Some career women are forever unfulfilled chasing insatiable dreams. It all depends on the individual. Let everyone do what makes them happy.

I really feel your pain. All the physical changes that we face going through pregnancy especially as a ftm, it’s just all too overwhelming. Just know that you are not alone and so many women including myself feel the same way. But I know by Gods grace that it’s just a phase. Those stretch marks will fade overtime, trust me. Just try and focus your energy on the positive things, you are blessed more than you know. This time next year, you will be laughing at this post because by then you’ll realise it’s all temporary. Dry your eyes babe, you’re beautiful, never allow anything to make you think otherwise.

Ruthiegal:
So you think it will fade right. Coz I can’t have this stomach for life. I’m so depressed. I’m tired of crying. Thank you so much for your response .

Do you know where I met my husband?

I met him in a park when I was walking to my friends house, it was very random but that is life. I’m not the person who has too many friends or likes to go out too much. You can find your partner anywhere, even when you are just walking across your street. So forget about joining churches or organisations just to find a husband. The reality is that you will see 50 single ladies fighting over 4 men in those type of settings. Sometimes the men in church are more demonic than those walking on the street. Who has time for that?

Stick to going out by yourself, men approach women who are alone than in groups. Try to look presentable each time you go out, even if you’re going to the market, you never know who you might bump into. And be open and friendly to guys that may approach you. Don’t force yourself to start joining churches or social events strictly for a husband, because if things don’t turn out your way, that’s when depression will kick in. Go for strolls, go out shopping, go out to eat etc, you can do all these things by yourself and you are still putting yourself out there to be seen by potential guys. Pray also. I would say 25 is young but it’s not too young to start preparing for marriage/settling down. Time flies by quick and before you know it you’re 30, so atleast you’re on the right track by acknowledging what you want.

Goodluck

She is not interested in the marriage, and if you marry her by force you will be entering a life time of misery and a constant battle to prove yourself to her. Better get out now before it’s too late. It’s that simple.

I don’t know why men are always fighting for women that don’t want them. They’re millions of single available women go and look for them and leave this small girl alone.

Take money on the date, pay and go and live your life. What’s all this drama for?

Na wa oh,

Okay keep deceiving yourself.

Almaiga:
Lies.
It's easier for a Married man to cheat, than a married woman. Men prefer younger girls who have never gone through child birth. But the Married women no longer look sexy, as a result of the changes their bodies go through, after child birth.

I started around 9 weeks. I think starting around the first trimester is the best just to keep track of everything. So she should start as soon as possible.

Keziehenry:
Pls, at what stage of pregnancy should my wife register for antenatal. Note, this is her first pregnancy.

Thank you very much

I never knew it was a crime to call my own child the love of my life. But it is well, it is his opinion and he is entitled to it. No worries or issues.

FloraEC:
I think your suggestion is needed in family section more. That she called her unborn child the love of her life is a mother's love coming into play and it doesn't stop her from loving her hubby or any other family members.

Going by your moniker, i believe you don't lack mentions. Please let her be.

Not strictly because they can’t find a man who won’t sleep with them for free, it’s simply a choice. Mind you, it’s a rare circumstance and most women who search will have many men offering to sleep with them with no qualms regardless of age, shape, colour or background. Finding love is the problem.

KevinDein:
No, there are women that pay men (gigolos) to have sex with them not necessarily love them. You find them in major cities (Lagos, Abuja) here in Nigeria.

Sex can be painful for those who are not virgins and having sex not to talk of a virgin having sex for the first time.

They are looking for love not sex. That’s the difference.

KevinDein:
Really?

Why then do women (mostly those that have lost their beauty and youth) pay men to have sex with them? Why do women in the west still fall for love scams?

If a woman wants to collect from outside, she doesn’t have to look like Beyoncé. A woman offering sex will have 50 men in line waiting to get the opportunity, fat, slim, curvy, or shapeless. Men on the other hand must have something attached to them for just one woman to sleep with him.

Where did you come from? My child is the love of my life, so is my husband and every other person who is close to me. Are you just trying to start an argument? Thank you and goodbye.

somehow:
And the father is?

other children would be if you are getting more?

Be aware that you children are visitors inyour home
They will spend max of 23yrs fully in your home unlike your partner who's expected to be forever, so think this through and deeply.

Yes is there a problem?

somehow:
Your baby the love of your life?