₦airaland Forum

Good judgment. Besides, 99.9% of the time, the housewives I know are trained professionals in different disciplines, formally or informally, and usually have side hustles or less time demanding jobs, so their assumed crime is that they place family nurturing above time demanding conventional careers and occupations. There's neither nothing bad in being a housewife nor a career wife; where the former is the case, she deserves the same amount of regard the latter commands other things being equal.

A housewife shouldn't be mistaken/equated to a lazy or unresourceful wife.

The hypocrisy of small-minded people. The fact that their hate for unfairness does not stem from the fact that they like fairness for everyone, and in all conditions, but rather stems from the fact that they are not the ones/solely the ones that mete out unfairness to others at will does not only always shock me but also always irk me greatly - I call them hypocritically crass and/or opportunistic elements.

1, 3, and 4 were typical self-absorbing and/opportunistic people who never had an altruistic interest in you. About the number 2, however, you erred - the fact that he didn't call you for a long time, however unpalatable it seems, only to call to solely solicit for your help might not automatically mean that he had no affection and regard for you, so you could have treated him better even if you weren't going to help him financially.

All the vices you listed are not exclusive to the female gender; your past pro-women and pro-children inclination was the reason why most of the assumed perpetrators of the vices against you are mainly women.

Once more, the surest way to come out of your present quagmire is acceptance of the responsibility of your past actions and inactions - it doesn't matter whether conceit and impression or naivety/selflessness/feeble-mindedness caused it. Transmute to your default state, enact a philosophy that suits whom you believe you're and own and live up to it in words and actions - better if the core of the philosophy is justness. One who does not believe in something will always fall for anything.

If you can eschew conceit and impression, you will live a healthier life and go far in life.

Lack of discernment and gut are the main causes of your woes in the union from the inception; unfortunately, they're still oozing from the connotations of your submissions. If you were discerning, you would've known within the first few hours or days after meeting her from the inception what she could do at any given time subject to circumstances, therefore would always be a step ahead of her actions and inactions. In all that you gain, as a man, gain discernment.

And your lack of guts made it impossible for you to put her in her place at the inception when she began exhibiting her madness, which your lack of discernment made impossible for you to know beforehand, until it festers to this unbearable level.

Well, you can still humble her even now that her toxicity has gone public, assuming that you still wish to bring her under your dominion and continue the union with her - making a woman malleable regardless of the social strata and ethical leanings of the one involved is one of the easiest things to do once you know your way around life.

You don't relate with a woman who's a penchant for oppression the way you relate with one who has a penchant for fairness, just as you don't relate with one who has a penchant for servility the way you relate with the ones with the aforementioned dispositions.

When you reach the height of commanding the attention of women of all strata everywhere, and razzling the ones you wish to, you'll understand that there is more to look out for in a woman for closeness other than her physical appeal - more so beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

It will only get worse with the kind of things happening now. Within the last three years, I've observed at least 4 Nairalanders who got pregnant for some other men but tricked different naive men into marriage and imposed their pregnancies on them.

An assertion full of grandiose connotation or demeanor like this remains the hallmark of a small-minded woman (person) needing a rescue.

There's nothing fair about a man, or anyone at all, who demands or takes delight in his wife, or anyone else, kneeling down to serve him food - same applicable to anyone who takes delight in seeing others genuflect for them in the name of being older or more accomplished, culture or no culture, especially when they feel entitled to it.

The idea of equating servility to respect and/or love is repulsive.

Nothing new or strange; she got served the usual meal of an opportunist. Small-minded people have been mistaken opportunism for cleverness since time immemorial.

It's both appalling and irritating that most people here have automatically concluded that the woman is a bad woman and the cause of her husband's action. As much as I don't hold a brief for her, I know, however, that a good woman in her stead who might have given in her best to her husband and the union in general, could experience the same fate from a man - whether basically a responsible man or not - on the following condition:

- If she's the person that has been doing the loving from the inception without noticing that he doesn't see anything special in her; talked him into marrying her whether genuinely or manipulatively; and him experiencing a downfall in the cause of the marriage and/or she's not been able to conceive after some years in the union.

In summary, I believe one of the worst things that can ever happen to a woman who's family-oriented and believes in marriage is being married to a man who doesn't love her for who she's.

He has to tell himself the truth and base his decision to quit the union or stand by his wife and maintain the union in general on it - it'll amount to a betrayal of the highest order should he abandon her at this juncture if she has been a good wife. The main issue they have in the union, according to your submission, is abuse/respect or lack of it.

If the disrespect and abuse that have always been meted out against him by his wife and co stem from his weakness; then, he's at fault and should mend his ways and give the union a new lease of life. If they, however, stem from the wife and co weakness, he should discard the wife with alacrity.

Living my philosophy to the fullest in both formal and informal settings.

Your susceptibility to venality is legendary; strive to conquer greed.

The major reason is that the majority in such situations stand for nothing worthwhile - due to feeble-mindedness or greed/lust or low IQ - so they fall for anything. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men without philosophies these days.

Every self-conquered man always has his philosophy - a philosophy that doesn't see war as evil when it's necessitated in pursuit to instill or maintain decorum or fairness and doesn't see rewarding good with greater good as a sign of weakness - reign supreme over any other thing, be it pleasure or sentiment.

If I were, I would base my decision based on what I know the girl and her mother stand for ethically. For instance, if within me, I'm certain that they can't wittingly take advantage of me unprovoked, regardless of circumstances, then I'll give her. If I, however, know that her request stems from self-absorption and/or greed, then not only will I not give her, I'll equally discard her and daughter with alacrity.

Nothing pains small-minded women, small-minded people in general, like when you beat them in their game and give them an overdose of their medicine. Lol. Well, coming into equity with clean hands remains the best bet, while those who always like to have their cake and eat it should always accept whatever fate that befalls them at any given time.

Being respectful/acting respectful shouldn't be equated to or mistaken for respect/having respect. Genuflection, which they expressed for each other, typifies the former, and most of the time is an act of a false disposition or gesture and for the sake of formality. I'm usually wary of any person that does put up a disingenuous demeanor or take to servility

No wonder most of you are always at the receiving end of small-minded women. As a man, you neither have to find love nor fall in love; instead, you have to convert one of the women that interests you - there will always be many of them at every given time - to your love by magnifying just one single attribute you found worthy in her that resonates well with your conviction. This will not only prevent you from expecting perfection from her or buying into the deceit of one who'll want you to put her on a pedestal but will most importantly keep you in the driving seat and in good psychological, physical, and emotional health.

- Yes, if she has always been crass - which means if she were in your position, she would have asked, not minding how it would make you feel. Of course, you must be ready and have the means to put her in her place afterward because she would like to wreck you by any means possible. When handling crass people, you must relegate civility to the background to stay both healthy and commanding.

- No, however, if she has always been sensible and has not given you a reason to doubt her fidelity since the inception of the union, apart from your stated observation about not sharing semblance with one of the kids.

That said, the best thing to do ought to be to find a means to carry out a DNA test on them.

JovialJune:
First time this one typed sensibly without stressing his brain and our eyes with unnecessary English

If I e-wozz now, it'll be as if I de delight in wozzing little people. By the way, no go misinterpret Reno's posits, and go begin tell your oga at the top that he should become your slave; else, you'll chop hot wozz.

He's right. I've always marveled at the erroneous interpretation and application of leadership by most men. Leadership is a call to serve, not a call to be served or to be an oppressor - a true leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way. Of course, serving doesn't equate to servility; being a helper doesn't confer the right to oppress, and wearing the woman tag doesn't automatically qualify every woman the privilege to enjoy the service of a man.

In summary, most people from both genders have fundamental problems.

Raalsalghul:
I've always respected your views and opinions on Nairaland, but I'm a tad bit disappointed at the bold; to think people still believe that success is dependent on marriage partners is shocking.

Did you see the part where they mentioned the lady's siblings?

I don't remember mentioning faith in that post, least of all saying that faith without grit and gumption can bring prosperity to anyone, as your opinion suggested. And the man in the story didn't state his financial standing, but from the connotation of the story, he wasn't at least as poor as the lady. That, by extension, means that it wasn't going to be a case of two absolute poor people on a journey. The fact is that prosperity isn't automatically made possible by one surrounding himself with the already made people; instead, with a support base, other things like grit, gumption, and positive energy, that don't take recognition of anyone's economic status, usually do. And marrying the lady - provided that she's scrupulous and in sync with him - wouldn't amount to him going into slavery for the family.

Well, take it from me that, apart from a natural cause, no ambitious, gumptious and gritty man, or woman, who before marriage has created and encrypted his path will go down after marrying from a supposed poor family, like the scenario under discussion, especially when the companion is scrupulous and in sync with him. Like I said to someone up there, one of the biggest dummies ever sold to people is that financial success determines one's mindset - value system and ethical leanings in general do.

I've always cringed on the idea of quantifying or relating with people based on their economic standing, especially when it involves an intimate relationship - I have a phobia for self-absorption and opportunism. In fact, about at least four different success transformation stories and show of appreciation I received within the last one month, and many others of such kinds that happen far and near continually, from most people I encountered in their not-too-good or worst financial moments, some as far back as sixteen years ago and did the little I could for them then, are some of the things that have always reinforced my belief in my philosophy. And in this same span of time under reference, I have also seen some reverses in conditions.

At the risk of sounding immodest, I've been in a vantage both in the formal and informal sectors a bit long and have always seen how things do change so quickly, many times for good, especially for the gritty and gumptious that operate independently in the informal sector of the global economy.

uthlaw:
na rubish you de talk!

It's a known fact that the poor's biggest problem is the fellow poor - so it's not surprising seeing the display of you poor/wannabe-rich elements against your very own, the lady in the story.

Meanwhile, one of the biggest dummies ever sold to you elements is that financial success determines one's mindset - value system and ethical leanings in general do.

A platform like this is truly a true leveler. Now scram and direct your further mention to small-minded people like you.

thebosstrevor1:
Bros, go and sit down.

Marriage can be a destiny changer if the man or woman marries into a weathy home or the couple start a business together and make it successful apart from that just marrying doesn't change one fortune.

Direct your mention to small-minded people like you because my submission isn't for small-minded people. Now, scram.

Prosperity doesn't automatically follow the rule of all these too clever by half permutations. His life, and that of the lady's siblings, might equally change for good if he had married her - assuming that she possessed all of the other realistic things he needed in a companion. It's only people who haven't been at the forefront in the pursuit of real advancement or haven't seen people's economic fortunes turn from good to bad, and vice versa, that would always fail to see money and status beyond what they're.

It takes one on a gold collar status to work with an entity - assuming an associate or consultant position - while it takes one on a blue-collar or white-collar status to work for an entity - assuming a subordinate position.

As a gold collar worker, you'll enjoy your rights to liberty to the fullest, provided that you live up to the terms and conditions of your engagement with the entity, but the same privilege can't be enjoyed by blue and white-collar workers.

Well, I've chosen to be an entity and operate as one, and deal with gold collar, white-collar, and blue-collar workers.

If you're going into a new relationship, wear your discernment cap, come into equity with clean hands and expect and accept nothing less. Don't make the mistake of rewarding nonsense with goodness or rewarding lovelessness with submission.