₦airaland Forum

Your concept of God is flawed - that I can see even in my irreligiousness - and it will remain so if you continue conceptualizing him from the religion and religious books concept about him.

By the way, obedience is better than sacrifice, hence more glorifying. I hope you're not planning to sue your parents while still under their roof, tutelage, and eating their food.

Given that gumption, and maybe passion, are the thin barriers preventing the Uber driver from being the next financial service firm owner within the next few weeks or two months at maximum - not necessarily owning a VC fund firm or bank at this point because of an obvious reason - with the possibility of even poaching her from her said present place of work in the near future and making her a staff, the answer to your question by any discerning lady who is a proponent of altruism should be; why not? Provided that the man is trustworthy and has an altruistic interest in her.

She should go for him if she is certain that he is gumptious, trustworthy, and has an altruistic interest in her. 99.9% of people who are poor/unable to become financially successful/doing unappealing jobs are so not because of the big money they don't have, but because they lack passion and are not gumptious in general.

True! A woman without a good character has nothing good to offer an aristocratic man in the area of an intimate relationship, even if she holds the keys of universal sense, beauty, wealth, etc.

Faber:
Naeto C is not an Owerri man. He is Mbaise man. All Mbaise people claiming Owerri. There's no connection between Mbaise and Owerri. Mbaitolu and Ikeduru can claim Owerri cos their local dialect is almost the same, but not Mbaise. Mbaise have no borders with the 3 local governmens of Owerri. Ngor Okapala is their closest Neighbor on the Aba-Owerri axis and Mbanọ is their Closest Neighbors on the Okigwe-Owerri axis

Be proud of where you are married to Mrs Naeto Chikwe


Although Madam post no get meaning, Nevertheless, Mbaise men are the worst men in South East..as for their ladies omoh...very horrible. They are just meant to marry themselves. Them and Ngwa people are the same. Never ever allow Ngwa and Mbaise man marry your daughter, na suffering dey await her. I don talk my own finish.

It's always both appalling and irritating the way most of you, either out of ignorance, self-hate, or bigotry, always strive hard to either defame others or distort facts.

Naeto C. is from Emekuku, and Emekuku is a neighboring town to Mbaise - also an Emekuku person, or even Mbaise person, who claims to be an Owerri person doesn't commit a taboo because it's a community in Owerri senatorial zone and more.

Respect55:
You didn't put 'full stops' at the end of your sentences.

To put a full stop on a listed item(s) is optional, especially when the listed item is not a full sentence.

Yes, one must love genuinely/selflessly; that, however, isn't enough. As someone who has never being a victim of a relationship heartbreak, or being used, despite being around for too long and always given everything in principle, the working formula has always been loving genuinely and hating nonsense with all might; in other words, being altruistic and conscientious in general.

You can always give everything without losing anything; in other words, you can always walk the walk without being hurt and without being the direct reason someone might get hurt.

Meanwhile, you neither necessarily need to subject yourself to reading books or articles on a relationship nor identify with any social/ideological movement to get it right. Self-mastery and self-conquest with a sound personal philosophy will always do the magic.

Quite commendable. More grease to her elbow.

bukatyne:
Who will buy the 1TB variant for me for my birthday?

I will manage that's white sha.

Happy Birthday, mama de mama! I wish I knew beforehand that today is your birthday, and wish that something like a 2022 iPhone (presumably to be called iPhone 14) has already been produced, would have gifted you at least two because a fair-minded woman like you deserve the best version of everything. I wish you God's unlimited blessings in all areas of your life.

No. However, an ethically weak person, who can be a male or female, is a necessary evil towards the ethically strong person around them.

God1000:
When he was still penniless

Most of you don't know anything about him. He was already a multimillionaire when he took those pictures. His bank then, STB, was already 7 years old in 1997.

pocohantas:
Who doesn’t know he is a veteran liar and blackmailer? Always masking his disgusting and inciting nature with big unnecessary vocabulary. Relation indeed.

Lol. Queen, I know you wish you could afford to hate me.

cococandy:
Hmm.

Okay.

So are women entitled to ancestral land or not?

I stated clearly there that yes, our women who choose not to marry for one good reason or another do get ancestral land in Igbo families where principle reigns supreme over expediency - the good thing is that such families are in the majority.

While on the other hand, it's only a contentious and contemptuous married woman who gets a share of an ancestral land through her husband's family that will insist on also getting ancestral land from her father's - talk about greed pro-max.

cococandy:
Righttoreject so it’s not only my greedy family that does it huh?

Some of you will lie through your noses just to think you’ve won an argument. Looking ridiculous while doing it

I always hate the idea of coming hard on you because of your good side. Well, if you want to go and invite all your family members here/use your different monikers to support your erroneous claims to feel fly, that is up to you. The fact remains that as a bona fide Igbo son, in my family and Igboland in general, we do give all types of land/property to both males and females - in regards to ancestral land, the females here are those who choose not to marry for one good reason or another. No sane family in Igboland takes a contentious and contemptuous woman seriously and that is why they're usually ostracized or mostly married off to quasi-men within and outside Igboland.

On the other hand, it's only a contentious and contemptuous married woman who gets a share of an ancestral land through her husband's family that will insist on also getting ancestral land from her father's ancestral land too - talk about greed pro-max.

The funny thing is that your type can't be caught being against injustice because you hate it but because you're not the one meting it out against others. In summary, say no to bigotry, contentiousness, and contemptuousness.

cococandy:
They are part of Nigeria. So why should it be seen as sectional.

And it’s funny that we would want to section them out as if they are the only ones with issues. When for example if you’re igbo, you have no real place among the men of your household. Is that marginalization or not?

I wonder how many times I will tell you that the greedy norm of the males in your family isn't an Igbo culture and is not a standard for the bona fide Igbos. The idea of any self-acclaimed Igbo person without a worthy surname always trying hard to tarnish the image of worthy Igbos isn't acceptable. In fact, I won't be surprised to know that in that same family of yours, regardless of how greedy you've always made the world to believe that they're, it's only the contentious and contemptuous women - who've likely been ostracized - that they usually deny a real place in the family household.

Don't automatically guilt trip yourself or allow any other person to guilt-trip you. It's only bad and unsafe for your health if your bad character ( e.g., insatiableness/greed or domineeringness) necessitated it. In that case, the onus is on you to conquer yourself and get rid of the bad attitudes.

It's good for your overall health, however, if your partner's bad character (e.g., thoughtlessness, greed, or self-absorption) and refusal to mend his ways after you've repeatedly complained and brought to his attention his failings that have usually necessitated it, regardless of how unpalatable it seems. And in this case, the onus is on your partner to mend his ways to avoid being at the receiving end of your shouting.

The fact is that many times, people who gradually but unwittingly found themselves developed shouting (not nagging though) towards their partners/people close to them are those who come into equity with clean hands and always strive to give their best in the union. So, when the other party fails to live up to the expectation of justness, an attitude like shouting knowingly or otherwise becomes inevitable.

You aren't a democrat. Your self-absorbing demeanor, and character in general, are so glaring from the connotation of your submissions as a typical autocratic/domineering person. One bad thing about self-absorption is that regardless of how honorable your intentions might be and whatever good you do, the victims of your action will always feel wrecked emotionally, psychologically, and economically by extension; maybe, until they're able to have their pound of flesh from you directly or indirectly.

You are your own worst enemy. When as a person, especially as a man, you don't believe in something worthwhile, you'll always fall for anything, especially the shenanigans of small-minded women and people in general.

Klass99:
I am seriously Lol . Look at this delusional foool, who wants to mingle with a slimy low class man like you?

You think too highly of yourself, always making claims about being aristocratic. News flash, you are nothing more than a lying, vindictive small boy who hides behind a keyboard to vomit trash.

I see your written English has improved over time unlike your previous posts where you couldn't construct clear and concise sentences. Keep trying you may finally nail it down one day. But, in the meantime...........

The efficacy of my attention and truth is unequal. Just simple truth that was told about you, you've been killing yourself since yesterday, and of course, reveling the orgasm of my attention. Lol.

Meanwhile, it's funny hearing you said that I reported your post to the MODs; wonders shall never end. About English, the day someone like you will best me in English, I'll simply burn one of the doctoral certificates I obtained from one of the Ivy League schools. Lol.

Why not! Being penny-wise and/but pound-foolish is maintaining closeness with your spouse if you don't consider them worthy enough to not only know about your financial conquest and progress but also allowing them unrestricted access to it, especially the expendable.

The major drawback I always see in a scenario like this is the fact that if the reverse were to be the case, the same lady might be among the 99.9% of ladies who wouldn't want to have anything to do with you because of your poor background even when the zeal and potential are glaring. Apart from that and assuming that she's resourceful and conscientious and has an altruistic interest in you, and vice versa, I don't see any reason why you should dump her when with just the equivalent of your two months salary you can set her up. And of course, provided that her family members are scrupulous. 99.9% of people who are poor/unable to become financially successful are so not because of the big money they don't have, but because they're not resourceful and gumptious in general.

I don't always see the essence of sharing closeness with anyone who, by virtue, lacks what it takes to command one's selflessness or can't make a selfless sacrifice for one when necessary.

There's nothing wrong in giving an ex money/any other form of help under normal circumstances, but there's everything wrong in giving this particular ex of yours this kind of help she needs from you now, citing your submission about what transpired between the two of you. Refrain from treating small-minded people like aristocrats, and vice versa.

cococandy:
Well the same poor people still sometimes have to borrow and go into debt to make the funeral happen. Why should it be so? Even if they eventually completed the funeral ceremony, they still experienced some form of extortion and had to haggle price or negotiate their way out of performing some “requirements”. At a solemn moment in their lives.

I call it extortion because sometimes the community mentally measures the pocket of the deceased’s children and they are tasked according to what the people perceive they should be able to afford even if it’s accurate or not. That means it’s not even a real requirement. It’s just an opportunity for them to mooch off the dead person’s children especially if they think they have money.

Poor or rich, should a grieving family even be dealing with that in the first place? I don’t understand why you would classify something that happens in the majority of cases as me distorting the truth. That’s very insincere of you.

Or maybe you can say it’s different where you come from and I’ll be like “alright”. But where I am from it’s how they do and it doesn’t sit well with me. That’s all I’m saying.

It’s not a competition of whose culture is better because I can already tell that a few of my brothers and sisters are going to be in here getting hurt over the truth. It is what it is. Other tribes have some weird things they do too that makes me .
You should be able to say something is not cool even if it’s your folks that are doing it.
while this may or may not be true, I’m not prepared to delve into that traditional marriage issue now.



Oh cool. So that means we the living can say the truth about what we see and maybe change things for our children.
I have nothing against extravagant ceremonies. As long as it’s not being done to fulfill an obligation rather it’s being done by the family on their own volition. If I can afford to, I would do Obi Cubana style funeral for my parents without any pressure from anyone but I would really detest for some old man I’ve never met in my life telling me I owe him 5 cows as a requirement before they will let me bury my loved ones.

The OP's reply to my foremost post here lies the reason anyone might go into debt because of burial or marriage - they go into debt because of feeble-mindedness or pride, not culture. As a person, when one doesn't stand for something worthwhile, hir falls for anything.

If I were in the OP's position, I'd simply act based on my submission that I directed to him in the foremost post. The issue is that most people, like the OP seems to be, will rather do what they know is unjust/they can't do in a circumstance like this rather than to call off the bluff of everyone else regardless of any conventional norm or popular opinion all in a bid to impress.

Should the OP go into debt now instead of calling off their bluff if they fail to reason with him after telling them his constraints in honesty, tomorrow he'll blame culture.

cococandy:
Thankfully I haven’t lost a close family member yet so it makes sense that I’m not talking about my own specific family here, right?

You’d think maybe it’s more of an observation on how things are generally done in the culture where I am from.
Also my post is not a personal attack on you. Dial back on the unnecessary aggression .

It's not about unnecessary aggression or anything of such, OK. I don't like the idea of anyone distorting facts wittingly or unwittingly. You and I know that in the same Igboland, the poor have always buried their relatives based on the size of their pocket, culture or no culture.

It's the same thing when some myopic people from or outside the Igboland, or bigoted hateful people from outside the Igbo land, strive hard to tell whosoever cares to listen that anyone who wants to marry an Igbo woman must pay and spend millions, whereas evidence abounds everywhere that people from within and outside marry Igbo women based on the size of their pockets or how they present themselves culture or no culture.

Culture has never been about how the dead people did their things; rather, it has always been about how the living people choose to do their things.

cococandy:
I’m suspecting these folks are igbo. I still don’t know why we go overboard on funerals when the family is grieving and should be extended a hand of help and sympathy. Rather, the community wants to use that opportunity to extort them. This part of our culture has never been acceptable to my spirit.

If one in-law is expected to bring goats (multiple) how many are the others then expected to bring and how much in total are they expecting from this one family? To whose benefit? Did any of them even give a hoot about the man while he was alive? Now he’s dead they want to be dined and wined by his hurting and grieving children.

Extravagant funerals should be done only if that’s what the nuclear family wants for their father and whomever amongst them that wants it badly should be the one to pay for it. You shouldn’t be mourning your dead family member and also stressing about not having money to entertain community people.

Your family norm doesn't automatically equate to an Igbo Culture.

@OP, If you're sincerely certain that you don't have a means to support them, either get in touch with your wife's siblings to tell them your predicament or get in touch with the most sensible of them and tell hir your predicament and why you won't be able to contribute to the burial as you would have wished to. They'll only fail to accept your explanation in good faith if they've always known you as an irresponsible man or if they've always been irresponsible.

If you've always been a responsible man and they fail to accept your explanation in good faith, tell them that the dead should bury itself. Strive to always owe your loyalty to justness and give no damn about what popular opinions or unjust people or inconsequential people think.

From the connotation of your submission, your demeanor shows that you've always been a wannabe kind and wannabe libertarian man. On the other hand, the vices you enable from the inception of your relationship with her or the once you meted out against her have reared their ugly heads.

The solution to your marital problem glaringly lies in your hand.

Self-realization is the major hallmark of maturity - and one ought not to be talking about marriage until hir achieves it. Unfortunately, you've not achieved self-realization, just like most married people everywhere didn't, citing your submission, which is the reason why you're in this web of confusion. Suspend the marriage talk for now and work towards self-realization. When you achieve self-realization, you won't catch yourself in the web of confusion like this or creating a repulsive thread like this or asking a repulsive question anywhere.

Lol. He had a hope of having his cake and eating it.