₦airaland Forum

1. Dr. Pete ASUU
2. Mr. N.L.C. Onyeohi
3. Chief (Mrs) Customs Cotonou
4. Gen. Pol Ice

and the last but not the least

5. Alhaji Boko Hara

Oh wow!

Hmm...this must be a very good dream. I can't even remember the last time I bought fuel for my small gen. We've been having power in my area for about 15 - 19 hours every blessed day for quite sometime now!

Whoever is responsible for this massive improvement, I say "more power to your elbow!"

Apart from the Super Eagles (assuming you even like the Super Eagles), do you fancy any other country's national football team? Why do you support them?

As for me, I like the Seleção boys from Brazil. Their fighting spirit. Their ever supply of raw talents. Their completeness. And their business-mindedness.

With them, victory is almost assured because they seem to always have this insatiable quest for victory. Apart from that, don't say I told you but to me, there is nothing in football as sweet as in watching Brazil — losing…

I like my ability to read people's mind.

I also like my wry and weird sense of humor Which makes it very easy for me to be so imaginative.

I also like my great love for humanity and my staunch belief in the principles of live-and-let-live.

I don't have any fear of marriage.

I believe I am strong enough to handle any challenges that comes with marriage because I am mentally capable to make all the right decisions and I am well aware of what I am getting myself into before signing the dotted lines.

Okay...wait a minute, what did I just say?

That's just half of the truth, you know that huh?

In actual sense, I don't know if I will be capable of fairly dividing my attention between my wife and my so many other interests without hurting and causing her emotional stress.

kennygee: Miley is not a Nigerian o, she's jst a retarded and confused illuminati puppet.
I hate any song from Olamide, he is just a hood, razz ghetto rat. Then i hate any sond from bracket, those guys should just give up. K switch should just go and open a bar, i hate his songs. Terry G needs T.B. Joshua's deliverance.

supported.

shh...shh...shh....lemme close my mouth so that they will think that I'm smart...because if I open my mouth just for the sake of saying something, they will know that I am actually enjoying this ASUU strike wella!

*In James Hadley Chase voice* OP, believe this; you believe anything...

Did anyone else notice an upcoming star in the person of Adnan Januzaj?

Only truly creative people will read this and understand that rodeo0070 is right on all points.

Reading through some of these comments here, I am so glad with the level of awareness conscious peeps are displaying.

The message to the American warmongers is clear: you can fool some people some of the time but you cannot fool all the people all the time!

Oh my ***in Ana's (Fifty Shades of Grey) voice***

Nah, they don't deserve it at all!

The people that really deserve such huge pay are the p.o rn actors and actresses.

These guys, if you'll agree with me, they touch more lives (positively or negatively depending on how you see it) as they provide a richer and more stimulating experience for so many people than footballers.

OP, it's not that I am discouraging you and your friend but I think must warn you that you should be aware that sometimes shits can happen and in the process of eating WILD yams with a view of making twins, instead of getting cash-pumping twins like PSquare, you guys might just end up making SIAMESE twins which incidentally, sorry to say it, just happens to look like yams.

https://i58.tinypic.com/rbmdn5.jpg

See gobe.

Verily verity!

Of course, what do you expect When all your countrymen reason and behave like kindergaten pupils?

Boys and their toys!

You toyed with her toy-heart; she toyed with your toy-car!

Now, it looks like Newton was wrong and action and reaction are NOT equal...

Sorry Bros,next time, learn how to be more discreet.

OP, sorry for your irreplaceable(?) loss. It shall never be well with those thieves and criminals.

But...

On the flip side, did you catch the bouquet?

What...?!

Don't tell me you lost that one too!

I'm just wondering…

What type of job/s will you enjoy doing for free not minding whether you get paid for it at the end or not? It might be something like your hobby, an activity or activities you like to engage in, a volunteer program or something of that nature, as long as it helps someone.

As for me, I know I will teach O level Mathematics for free!

What about you? What type of job(s) will you like to do for free?

I'm just wondering…

What type of job/s will you enjoy doing for free not minding whether you get paid for it at the end or not? It might be something like your hobby, an activity or activities you like to engage in, a volunteer program or something of that nature, as long as it helps someone.

As for me, I know I will teach O level Mathematics for free!

What about you? What type of job(s) will you like to do for free?

OP, I'm guessing you are an ectomorph.

And if that's the case, then there's little or nothing you can do about gaining weight because even if you eat as much protein as you can, you'll always find out that you lose weight faster than you can gain it.

But one thing you might start to do as from now, try to always eat up your food very fast.

Well, well, well...

Such a nice advice...

Only fit for those...

Who are looking for Mister or Miss Perfect...

Wow Chocboy, you are in trouble but never mind. This is what you should do.

Good advice, first. Don't tell your brotha. He doesn't need to know. Be a strong guy and tell her it won't work. Take control of your emotions and disconnect emotionally from the girl now before it's too late!

You can get yourself another girl. You can delve deeper into your work or studies. If that doesn't help, try and find out some faults she must have and make it clear to her that you can't accept such things. At least, you have big one now knowing that she's not trustworthy. Is that the type of woman you want?

Watch it. She might want to confuse you with more sex, that's why I said you should be strong. She might also threaten to tell your brotha so don't delete that text message she sent you.

Bad Advice
Don't do anything. Most problems sort themselves out. Hope that she'll get her senses back and leave you alone. In the meantime, enjoy yourself, enjoy yourselves but make sure you guys are discreet because I'm suspecting your brotha is the jealous type. If your brotha ever finds out, because he'll surely do, again, show him that same text. message. Don't worry. He'll understand that you were tempted by her. It's easier for guys to blame our weakness on women.

Your choice.

Section A (All questions carry equal marks)
1. What are the names of the two people holding hands when you switch on a Nokia phone ?
Ans. Their names are Aki and Pawpaw.

2. If the past tense of Take is Took, what is the past tense of Make?
Ans. Mookina

3. Which university in Nigeria has the highest number of ladies using blackberry phones?
Ans. MAULAG

4. If Buhari is a friend to Obasanjo on facebook, who sent the friend request and why?
Ans. Is it even possible? I know that Buhari is not corrupt so he cannot use facebook which can corrupt.

5. if the cost of moi-moi is N10.50, what is the cost of moi?
Ans. Moi? Non, ce n'est pas moi mais vous? Hmm…êtes-vous vraiment en vente? Are you really for sale?

6. Who ate the missing part of the apple logo?
Ans. Adam did. That’s why you have Adam’s apple.


SECTION B

1. Between the Nigerian police and Nigerian girls, who likes money more?
Ans. Nigerian Police. Nigerian girls can never go lower than fifty naira.

2. Using the almighty formula, calculate the diameter of elegushi beach. (take pi=3.142)
Ans. Sorry, are you sure you got this question right? Because I cannot find the Elegushi Beach on the map in my Atlas. And by the way, do you think you can fool me? Just so you know, Almighty formula is used to solve quadratic equations whereas Pi is used in calculating radii, diameters and circumferences of circles, dumbo.

3. If Ada is a girl and Obi is a boy,who is Adaobi?
Ans. Then Adaobi should be Lesbianboy, am I correct?

4. If your x-boyfriend/ girlfriend wins N50,000,000 on who wants to be a millionaire after you broke up, find the value of X?
Ans. Simple. X = "Sweetie, Sweetie m, please remember that to err is human but to forgive is divine. So, mommy m, bikonu, please forgive and forget…"

5. If it takes Goodluck 1 hour to deliver a typed speech in a national conference, how many days will it take Patience to deliver the same speech on the same occasion?
Ans. Hmm…so you mean to tell me that you want to send madam to another seven days in coma?


SECTION C

1) Tuface was given a Prado and Ferarri on his traditional wedding and white wedding respectively. There is every likelihood that D Banj has gone ahead to print wedding invitation cards without an available bride. Discuss.
Ans. Ha! Didn’t you hear? Please stop listening to rumors and unconfirmed sources because it is completely baseless. Last time I heard from some unconfirmed sources, D Banj said that because he’s so endowed, he has not yet found a woman anywhere in the world capable of completely caging his 'long thing'.

2) Write an essay of 1,500 words on 'My Oga At The Top'
Sorry. *coughs* I cannot categorically write such an essay.*coughs*Sorry.

You can start blogging because blogging is dirty cheap. In fact, if you choose blogger or platform, then I'll tell you that the startup price is free.

Yes. Once you have your blog running, you should also start thinking of the different strategies through which you can monetize the blog.

The only challenge you are surely going to face is that for you to build serious traffic which you will convert into money, you must be prepared to add content regularly to your blog.

That means that you must be ready to carefully select a niche where you are quite experienced in and you have a lot of things to talk about or a niche where you have the passion.

Don't expect your blog to become an instant hit because succesful blogging involves a combination of serious hardwork, dedication, persistence and...luck.

Wow! This is a great good news.

I'm also expecting another good news because Mr. Arsene Wenger, whether you like it or not, you are the next!

I have a feeling the best type of husband out there is the one who knows how to alternate between a Caring husband and a General husband!

*Praying in silence* Baba God, please when I finally get married, please show me the way to become a best husband. Thank you for answering my humble prayer - in advance, IJN. Amen!

OP, are you by any chance a gemini?

If that is the case, then I'll say that I can understand.

Seun Osewa

https://i61.tinypic.com/2ce3hg7.jpg

Seun Osewa, nerd, computer programmer and businessman. Started his company Nairaland in 2005 and since then the company has grown to become Nigeria’s number one website worth…*coughs* worth…2 billion…*coughs*…sorry excuse me but I don’t want to say one thing and my Oga at the top will say another thing…or send his pyguru to ban me…*

Anyway, he rides a Python Mountain Bicycle worth £139.99 because he believes cars pollute the environment. That’s what I call humility.

Not necessarily.

Well, when it comes to guys, I think good English is a good indicator of one's intelligence or level of education.

But in the case of ladies, I don't think this is a very good indicator because so many ladies know how to blow grammar with all sorts of accents when speaking.

That is why I have until I see what the person had written before I make my own conclusion because in my own opinion, written English is a better indicator of a person's intelligence or level of education than spoken English.

In my own view, there is absolutely nothing to correct. Rather, you should encourage him to use the right hand too so as to become ambidextrous.

Besides, I like it when I see lefties write. It is very stylish and cool.

I read somewhere that lefties are more creative while righties are more logical. So I suggest you should even help the child by allowing and guiding him to become both and bring out the best in him.

At least, that was exactly what I did with myself. Today, my left hand is almost as good as my natural right and I do enjoy the envious look people give me when they find out that I can easily switch from left to right.