₦airaland Forum

This is wrong. Completely wrong. This is what dictators do. Let the man go. He has a right to express himself.

He did not put on a mask because it is dangerous to wear mask. I block the flow of air into the body.

WUdec:
No offence but this is such a "white boy" approach.

This would work with Western women and not Nigerian women. You do this to a Nigerian woman and she will laugh at you behind closed doors for she will perceive you as being weak.

And seeing women as children with breasts.....hmmmm....that's a bit sexist and derogatory.


Like you said, communication is necessary but with no emotions attached. He should speak to her with enough evidence, punish her by detaching his emotions for awhile and focusing solely on the kids and take mental notes of her reactions.

She has to see that there will be consequences for such actions, both ways. Abstain from sex for a month or two.

She'd start to wonder a lot of things in her head and if she truly loves you, she'd start to feel guilty.

Now this is where you kick in the real talk (pour out your heart) and if her actions show no sign of guilt, then your marriage is almost over. You'd both have to save it, if it's worth saving.

And how you do that is by rebuilding from scratch

The keys to a happy marriage are as follows:

1) Communication
2) Perseverance
3) Knowing how to control your tongue
4) Appreciation
5) Respect
6) Loyalty
7) Don't stop learning especially positive things
8} Romance - this part, a lot of Nigerian men and women lack, out of laziness and selfishness. They always wait for the other party to start it first or always find someone to blame for not being romantic
9) Support - this includes taking care of responsibility without being told (no gender roles defined). And constantly looking to better yourself and your partner
10) Self Discipline - 95 percent of Nigerian men lack this. Blame it on their parents and constant desire for the pleasures of life without thinking about the future. Nigerian parents are letting their kids raise themselves without knowing it. That is why most Naija men have no control over sex, social media, money and power. They lose their minds and values when they are overwhelmed with too much of the aforementioned.
11) Possess a listening ear and a giving heart. -And this includes sacrifices
12) God - This is the most important part of all. If a man admires not the ways of Christ, teachings or discipline of the scriptures, he would have no balance and let himself be raised by the world

Best regards


A married man(a whooped one too) :

In all honesty, I do not see any difference from what you wrote to the practical approach I provided for him to take control of his marriage, protect the unity of his family and curb the excesses and stupidity of his wife. When you said the wife would laugh at him and consider him being weak, I am clearly lost and do not agree with you. Are you proposing alternative methods - I did not see any or do you consider him beating his wife, which I think does not solve the problem but may get him into trouble and possibly collapse his marriage.

I will not advise him to abstain from sex for a month - that's crap, but his wife has to go for a medical checkup at a hospital of his choosing and provide evidence. That is part of the consequences. Whether he chooses to have sex with the wife or not is completely up to him. However, his attitude and disposition toward his wife MUST completely change. He must hold her accountable and inform her the new changes are because she has lost his trust and has to earn it. The wife MUST now work to save the marriage and not pass that buck to him - as women usually do. He must continue to keep the wife on the edge by moving his attention to achieving his goals. The wife must either consider fighting to save the marriage or take her options of leaving. However, if he sticks to achieving his goals and increasing his earnings, the wife is left with no choice but to fight to keep her husband and family because the man is becoming a man of value.

Your proposed recommendations 1 - 7 should be in every healthy marriage. 8 (Romance) is overhyped and when you have a constructive discussion with couples, they clearly do not have a good understanding of what it even means. Appreciating each other and creating good memories is good but does not stop cheating or even unhappiness in women and don't forget women have mood swings and sometimes do not even know what they want. While your recommendation No 10 (Self Discipline) is important in every facet of life and success, you cannot teach one how to be discipline - that is a personal decision and choice. I also think your proposed recommendation no 12 is out of place and not an ingredient to a happy marriage. I also think it is part of the reason people do not accept responsibility for their marriages. If you want a happy marriage, couples MUST work hard to achieve it.

Finally - women are children with breast and I think I have explained the reason why I consider them to be children with breasts. You may find it derogatory or sexist or even include some of the fancy new terminologies feminist use these days such as misogynist. There is an abundance of evidence to show that women are children with breasts. It is now up to men to know when the woman in their lives is acting childish and call them on their BS and straighten them up.

Kboyvic:
I need advise please , she is insisting on court marriage without giving me a good reason why she wants us to go for court marriage before our white wedding/traditional.


Her silly comments
Her first reason was incase something happen to me that my family will not push her out,

That cause we are not fro. The state.

Incase I leave her for another woman in future.

I talk to her what's the meaning of all the comment, u know I wouldn't do all this things ur saying, a lady have be in relationship with over 6years still have doubt. She cried all through out the night begging me I didn't accept.

In the morning we settled that and we are fine after giving her reason why I wouldn't do all that she mention.


Lately she came back telling me that her madam advise her to go for court marriage that it's very important, na here another problem come start again concerning the court marriage. If not for the lockdown our marriage is suppose to come by June.

Why am saying no to court marriage, am thinking she wants to act anyhow after we get married. I love her but she taking the court thing as claterial for u.

Laughs - she needs assurance and security. Yes, you are right she would act differently because she feels she has the security of the court. In this matter, it is completely up to you. If you do not want it, then don't do it and be firm. Inform her if she brings the matter up again, you will call off the wedding. Do not fall for the manipulation and whips of women. Stand your ground. If she succeeds with this - guess what will happen, more manipulations.

I did not have a court marriage and I don't know why Nigerian women are insisting on it these days. Nigeria is not like western countries where the court gets involved in marriages. A man can dissolve his marriage without going to the courts in Nigeria. Your future wife is only trying to protect herself from you already before even getting married - WOMEN - OMG - THEY NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME.

larryking540:
Am not yet married ,but I have vowed a woman can't change my dreams ,my goals and my ambition ,never ,they can add to it but tampering with it because of their wild fantasy can't happen ,

Great - focus on your dreams and achieve them. Women will come. The more you achieve your goals, the more you open the doors to access high valued women.

crackkhaus:
Like mother, like daughter...

https://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/very_interesting.gif

Oh my goodness - you're something else, but probably not far from the truth.

larryking540:
Greetings from UAE bro
I love that statement,u are not responsible for your wife happiness,,,
Na love , attention and I love you every day family wan chop ,,,,,,

These are things as a guy u supposed don tell your woman while still dating ,,a woman should know marriage no easy ,so if u day expect your man to day give u attention while e mate day hustle na she con kw

Greetings,

That is why I said women are children with breasts. Only children and vulnerable people, including elderly ones, need attention. And for women to say that because she is not receiving sufficient attention hence a good reason to cheat is ridiculous, disingenuous, baffling, and stupid. I am not surprised because I am yet to see a woman who accepts responsibilities and accountability. However, I am not saying creating beautiful memories with your wife or significant other isn't important, but that should not be the sole responsibility of a man - that is not a man's job. Young men must know this and not fall for the wild fantasies of these children with breasts because their fantasies will never stop and are even on high steroids with the advent of social media, Hollywood and Nollywood movies, and romantic novels.

Men should focus on their dreams and goals, and achieve them. Be a good provider to your family and protect your family from external influences and that includes potential male lovers.

Nelso2:
Thank you all for all those words whether good or bad. I never knew we have smart guys and ladies here. After going through all the messages, I have learnt so many things here on how to caught a cheating wife red handed. I am going to adopt all techniques as advice so as to see to the truth.
After years of marriage and kids, after trying so hard to be a responsible man, nah nah.Will see to the end of it. It is just too obvious.

I had initially thought this story was part of Nairaland gimmicks and had a change of mind when you responded. I have also extensively read the comments here from women and simps.

Chief - your wife is cheating on you and the evidence is there. While some chaps here have provided brilliant tech-savvy ways to obtain evidence, I would say you already have the evidence you need. You do not need to read certain things that may cause emotional distraught to you. You are a man and the leader of your house. You have to take charge now because women are children with breasts.

Call your wife, sit her down. Do not shout at her, do not raise your voice, be firm and stern. Tell her you went through her phone (she may be embarrassed and want to defend herself). Tell her you are her partner and there is absolutely nothing wrong in going through her phone. Don't use the word Husband (so she doesn't feel subservient to you) rather use the word, Partner. Reassure her there will be no consequences but her sneaky actions MUST end today. However, there will be consequences if you find out she is lying. Ask her firmly who the guy is and what is the nature of their relationship. Yes - she would lie (like I said women are children with breasts and will never accept responsibility), and of course, you should expect it. After she is done with her lies, tell her you don't believe her, and she should call the man in your presence and end things IMMEDIATELY right in your presence.

After their conversation, get her phone and get the Whatsapp barcode. Inform her you have hacked her phone because she has lost the trust you have for her and she has to work to earn that trust. Also inform her you are not stupid and that it is possible she may continue the relationship and that when she considers doing so, she should note the consequences and that includes losing her marriage and family. Inform her of the consequences, be firm about it. Also, let her know you will be monitoring the phone regularly. Restrain yourself from any insult. This is not the time to trade words, fight, cry, or blackmail. This is the time to take charge of your family and rescue it from predators. When you are done, leave the house to go cool off somewhere so she can digest her stupidity while you decompress. Do not have this discussion physically with anybody else.

Now - my next advice to you is this - NEVER EVER TRUST A WOMAN - NEVER. Do not give these children with breasts the opportunity to run out of order. At this moment, you MUST begin to develop Alpha strategies. Begin to develop yourself and seek out opportunities to increase your earnings. As a man be prepared to lose your wife at any moment. Why do I say this, it is only these children with breasts that can decide if their marriage is important to them or not. However, you must begin to take action for yourself. Women (sorry children with breasts) are attracted to successful and powerful men just like men are attracted to beautiful women. Your focus and objectives are to never lose that edge of being ambitious and successful. If your wife decides to act childish, as they usually do, let her go and never take her back.

Our goal as men is to achieve success, be a great provider and protector, and not an attention giver. You are not responsible for your wife's happiness. Do not fall for the nonsense of maybe you stop giving your wife attention that is why she is cheating. The needs and wants of women, same as men, are insatiable - and that means you can never satisfy anybody in life. Achieve your goals, create and make your dream happen and when you do get to the zenith of your career or goals, you would see the plethora of extremely beautiful women at your disposal beckoning to please you.

This is my advice to you, young men and men who are married. Greetings from Canada.

If this is a true story and you are involved. Don't do it. The woman does not love you but only attracted to the security you can provide. She is looking for a soft landing and there is the possibility she may not be telling you the truth.

Also, it is quite stupid to stay your life with the pressure of 3 kids. You would be reducing your disposable income by 4 points (include your lover) and also having to deal with their father at a certain point in time.

Eulalia:


Why should they lock it down? Is the complainant a minor? Is she not a grown up who is capable of making and taking her own decisions?
Was she forced into it?

There is no case here as far I'm concerned because she consented to it and prolly signed an undertaking. So, why file a case against the surgeon?.

Let this serve as a deterrent to others who are still planning to go and pump their butts.
Be contented and satisfied wlth the way God made you.
If anyone is making you feel less of yourself, keep them at arms length and mind your lane.
Keep selflove alive.

I don't know how old you are but I think this line of thought is worrisome. However, let me engage you maybe it might save you one day.

If you hire a plumber to fix your leaking pipe and the Plumber claims to be a Subject Matter Expert and very experienced in plumbing, you definitely expect a good job - right! In this case, both you and the Plumber are consenting to fix your leaking pipe - right! What if the plumber botched your pipe and your home got flooded and your entire properties are destroyed. Are you saying because you gave consent, you do not need to sue the plumber especially if the flooding was a direct consequence of his/her negligence? Are you also implying your consent to having your pipe fixed would not require you to question the qualification and expertise of the plumber or engage the proper authorities to conduct a proper investigation or review?

fakxon:
What about the successful surgery they have carried in their operations before now....

Definitely you have to shut down every hospital that lost every of their patient to death from now on...

Shebi them say make I sidon for house eehhhhh make I still safe my mouth� sef ......

I do not have the statistics, but many doctors in Nigeria are culpable for the death of their patients either due to negligence or misdiagnosis of an illness. Some may not even have the proper license to operate as a Medical Physician. Hence, if death occurs in the hospital, there is the need to conduct a proper investigation and once the medical practitioner is culpable, at least the hospital should be shut down for the safety of other unknowing potential patients.

Misscongenialit:
Any man that body shames a woman and verbally abuses her to the point of going for surgery is a coward, weak and insecure man that does not deserve a good life.
A woman is not a sex object neither is she a carving that should be remoulded to suit owners imagination

Any woman that goes for artifical body enhancement is a fool, and a low life who has no dignity but to subject her life and body to the endless imagination of a useless man.

Having said that, u are who u want to be irrespective of what any one thinks.learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

The hypocrisy of women - a woman is not a sex object. Yet you see millions exposing their private body parts and engaging frivolous cringing sexual acts for attention. What gave rise to the instant growth of the medical beauty industry - the insatiable desires of women to enhance, modify and remodel their bodies.

Women just don't see themselves as sex objects, they act as sex objects too. You don't have to take my word for it. A cursory review of social media platforms on your phone validates this theory.

This story appears to have been written by a man

Nobody has questioned El Rufai's certification or qualification. It is well known that El Rufai is well educated. Stop spreading lies

phemocheee:
This one na mumu post.

Firstly, she came to your house and met one of your friends with benefit, are you trying to tell us here that she came to your house for the first time unannounced? How come you didn't tidy up before she showed?

Secondly, how come this mysterious girl was once your wife's friend? I mean, in a country of over 200million people, what is the odd of your fling being a once upon a time close friend of your wife?

Thirdly, how did you find out your wife knew this girl, I mean, did you discuss her with your wife or did you show her your wife's picture? For a girl you just want to sleep with, I doubt you will want to share your family details with her except.....

Fourthly, all these useless fictional stories that Seun's mods are pushing to front page ehn, e go reach one time wey be say na only slowpoke go dey visit nairaland.

I sign out

Smart dude. I duly noted the inconsistencies. If the story is true and the wife is mutual friends, then he married a prostitute

Ighalo God dey work wonders. Happy for him as a Nigerian but concerned as a United fan.

Annie939:
like seriously?

I dont think you understand the gravity of the crime being committed. It's okay to get concerned, but the law is the law. If you commit a crime, there are consequences.

Annie939:
who will take care of there Child? the judgement is too harsh they should reversed it, at least prison will be better than death sentence

Who will still take care of child if she is in prison?

Buhari doesn't like his corruption report card?

Etinosa1234:
Should I Use And Dump This Girl Or Not?

PLS I have an issue bothering me.
There is this girl in my class that likes me.. but I don't like her one bit. Yes she's fine and all that but the feeling is not jus there.

At first I jus wanted to bang her and break up with her but. I don't want to break her heart...I don't want to be seen as the devil in my class..

Due to pressure from her friends...I jus lied to her that I had feelings for her. Now the thing is paining me badly...

I know that this relationship won't last

Focus on your studies and avoid unnecessary distractions. The product of having sex is producing babies. Are you ready for a child?

YOU ARE DONE.

When I saw programs, I thought it was computer programming languages. Kai, Nigeria religiosity is too much

Daviddson:
I knew it was Iran. Was thinking they did it intentionally to get back at the US, but that airline is not American

Mistakes happen. This is a huge reason war should be avoided. Imagine innocent victims who had nothing to do with the nonsense.

safex:
I don't think it's absolutely useless though. A landed senior once told me one could actually use ICAN to claim CPA exemption in order to write only the final stage. He even mention one particular grant one could take sef. I'm not sure how easy that is though

_{PS: I'm in the ICAN boat too}

Not possible. There is no mutual agreement between ICAN and CPA. Dont always take the words of people literally. Go to CPA Canada website for relevant information.

Those who have ICAN should not be discouraged. Certification is important but not a guarantee to land a job. If you have relevant experience in the field you seek a job, you can still get employed without certification. Once in the job, then you can seek out relevant certification. In fact, it's better to land than obtaining multiple certifications that you may not need.

You are educated and if you have work experience then you have professional skills. Your best bet is Canada. All you need is money. If you don't have that - the start to save.

I know a few Nigerians who are surviving alone on making hairs. If you are very good, you won't run out of customers. If you are also an excellent cook, you can supplement that too. Good enough, you know how to sew. Hence, your skills will be in demand.

Education is free from 4 years till after secondary school. However, there are disadvantages with being a single mom here in the western world.

Be specific with your question. It is very vague

Vanhooijdonk:
I made the judgement based on the people I know around me. I should not have made that generalization.

Its laudable to admit error. Stereotyping is wrong and encourages bias opinion. It is this same behavior that breeds racism and hate. I'm glad you noted you should not make such statement.

[quote author= post=85352414]We will always thank the ALMIGHTY GOD for giving us this great man.
Rather late than never.
Sane, honest and hard working Nigerians will forever be greatful to God for making this honest man of integrity our President, especially when our country was seriously raped from the left, right and center by rogues and criminals.

Nigeria will be great in our lifetime and those who are out there praying for unrest, bomb and wars will not be here to witness the good times coming.
No be curse,
Na FACT!

God bless Nigeria.[/quote]In all honesty - this is nonsense. The President is the number one violator of this directive. It is doesn't make much sense, some portfolio requires regular travels to engage with foreign interest e.g. Foreign Affair Ministry and Trade Ministry, etc. I know the issue is to curb abuses. However, restricting the movement of Ministers is unnecessary and this exposes how dumb the President and his aides are. There are several ways to address this such as restrict funds allocated for international travels.

In fact, the President should develop performance metrics for his ministers to assess their performance level and ensure there are delivering on electoral promises and mandates. The President should stop acting like the Senior prefect of Nigeria. There are more pertinent issues than ministerial travels. He should do his job!!!

Vanhooijdonk:
Nigerian men are some of the most unfaithful men in the world. You should let them be away from you more than 5 months at a time except there are a are Pastor or Imam.

Please stop this generalization. It is ideally and logically wrong. If you don't have empirical evidence(s) to support your claim, then don't post this kind of comment.

Unfortunately, Obasanjo's escalation is coming too late

LegendHero:
I can use the case of Student visa to back your assertions about Trump. Since Trump assumed the mantle of the presidency, the rate of denial of student visa to Nigerians is on a high such that even master degree student are denied most times within 1minute conversation with VO.

Even if you’re successfully in the USA, the rate at which companies in USA is avoiding sponsoring foreigners for H1B visa is on a massive high such that it’s always luck for student on F-1 visa to see a company that will employ you on OPT.

Trump is also trying so hard to keep most Africans our and the only people fighting for us are the Dems. Do you know how many times student have had to call the congressmen after visa were denied to people that come to Nigeria to renew their F-1 visa even while in good standing as a student?

The Nigerians on here supporting Trump need to have their brain checked honestly!

So you hate Trump because you can't get a visa to go to America?

chewwie:
The Democrats fell their hand as usual with this impeachment sham and their media puppets (CNN and MSDNC) helped them. Even if Bernie wins the nomination, he won't and can't beat Trump, it'll be a repeat of far left Corbyn and conservative Johnson in the last week's UK elections

Trump will chew him up in the debates