My brother what I can tell you is that despite been your first time in a relationship, you found a very nice girl that is worth going after. You said she broke up with you some months ago because you took her for granted, my question there is how did you do that? I would have asked you why you did that but since it's your first relationship, you may not have done it intentionally. I can see that the love and feeling is still there between the two of you, did you explain to her that your relationship with her was the first relationship in your life? She broke up with you and moved on but she is not happy in her present relationship which from your write up is abusive. My little advice to you is when next she calls or you call her, plan a date together and at the date discuss your last relationship with regards to how you took her for granted, apologize to her for taking her for granted. If possible plan another date with her, where you discuss the possibility of coming back together to continue the relationship. NB: at both dates if she offers to share the bill with you, please don't argue with her, just let her share it with you. Good luck.

coputa:
so,there 're tribes that accept bride price in bits

If you agree with the family that you will pay in bits then it is possible.

I will say that you are indeed very lucky, that you have good in laws. What you did was very risky and not advisable for any man to try such a thing. Since you had the intention of making her your wife, why did you not go to your family to inform them on your decision and they accompany you to her family. At least even though you were not financially ready, you would have done even though it is introduction. After which you try your best to get money to pay at least part of her bride price, promising to complete it soonest. Back to your question, the punishment is paying for her bride price, it may be double, fulfilling all marital rights and also marry her.

eni4real:
Now that the deed is done..

OP just discovered that her salesgirl is a Chameleon Sister Mary!!

He may need to sack her, to get that shock away!!!

She had a deceitful personality!!! Hell hath no fury like aggrieved boyfriends!!

The girl is playing with fire... I hope one of them is not a cultist!!!

Op should discharge her

I am not against sacking her, but look at it critically on what grounds will you sack her, what reason will you give for sacking her? After all she is carrying out her assignments properly while in the office or company. She decided to play with her life, so how does that affect her boss? Even if she dates 10 boyfriends and has sex with all of them, it's her life choice.

eni4real:
She breached her own personal space by using the OP's phone to make a Facebook log-in!!

I understand that but the way he wrote showed as if he is taking her life decisions or choices personal. Even if she used the company's phone to log in to her facebook account, he didn't need to go through her account as it is poknosing into her personal life which is bad. Even him himself will not allow anyone go through his personal information or account. What he would have done was to log out of the facebook account properly for her or instruct her to do so.

eni4real:
Fake irresponsible, chameleon Adult

I didn't come to this forum to insult any body but only to speak the truth as it occurs to me. What ever I said in my earlier post is the truth as it is and it said that the truth is always bitter. I repeat again the only link between you and the staff of yours is work which I believe she is doing perfectly. Any other thing you think that links the two of you is only falacy. She is an adult and makes her own decisions as it suits her. She never asked you for advice on her life style or decisions. Sack her if you like, it will not change anything. Face your family and business and stop poknosing in another person's life and decisions after all she is not your daughter or sister or any of your relatives.

Not to be rude, but I believe you have to mind your business. You employed her as a staff of your company, you didn't give birth to her or pay her bride price. She is an adult and need to make her own decisions. Even if you sack her from work, how does it affect her life style? Focus on your business, you don't even have any right to discuss her with your wife or anyone for Ed that matter. As far as she is carrying out her assignments well, that's the only thing binding the two of you.

Before I proceed with my advice I have few questions to ask. Does he work or do business? If he works then it leads to another question which is; are you earning more money than him? If he does business, is it making money for him or your salary surpasses what he usually gets? If in both of these questions, the answer is that he makes more than you then open up to him concerning your finances. If on the other hand you earn more money than him then it is either he has contentment issues or he just needs to know what your monthly income is. On the statement that he owns you, the only thing I will say is that he paid your bride price so as to make you complete him as no man is complete without his better half and also vice versa. He didn't buy you from your parents as a tool or equipment or slave.

What can I say that hasn't already been said. Your boyfriend hates long distance relationship, did you discuss your business trip with him before embarking on it? I believe he is not been sincere with you. There is another girl who is close to him and has had sex with him severally. He sees you as a disturbance to his present relationship. You said you love him but how are you sure that the feeling is mutual? He is now irritated by your words and presence. You said you do not want to lose him but from what I read the feeling isn't mutual and you have already lost him. He is looking for an excuse to call off the relationship. I think it's better for you to move on with your life as he isn't interested in you any longer.

Happy Birthday!!! I wish you long life and prosperity, also many more fruitful years ahead.

OsuIgboIpob:
It will never be well with this old generation people.
Wicked GREEDY and wreckless people.

They detroyed everything for us.

Later, you'll be hearing children of today blablabla


Old fools.

You are taking it too personal. This insults you are putting on old people includes your parents, grand parents, uncles, aunties, etc. What you should be asking yourself is what legacy or good work will you leave behind for the next generation? Do you know how much the same amount will be in the next 10, 50 or even 100 years? How are you sure it will not be worse than today's rate? How will you feel if that generation insults this generation which you are part of? Change is the only constant thing.

I understand that love conquers all, but how can he think that his parents will allow him marry a Yoruba lady, most parents tolerate inter state marriage as long as it is the same native language that is spoken. Some parents do not even allow their son or daughter marry outside the state they are from. Inter tribe marriage is really difficult.

To refuse eating her food is better than beating her. I believe that if indeed she loves you and does anything to make you angry, instead of beating her, if she prepares food you reject the food. She will come to you to find out what made you reject her food. There are other things you can use as punishment, like silent treatment, working out, etc.

CapitanS:

He shot at them, I am sure of that fact

We're you there when he shot at them?

CapitanS:
He was stupid. He shot at the national guard and they returned fire and killed him. His stupidity killed him

Can you prove that he shot at them? Be sure of the facts of the matter before commenting.

All I can say concerning this issue is that not all men are rapist or serial rapists. You cannot generalize that all men are rapist because a few of them did commit the crime. But if you want to generalize then remember that you have a brother, a father, a grand father, an uncle, etc and these are all men. Most women too are rapists as the sexually embarrass boys when they are still young whether they reported or not is a different matter. Most women even rape till they die in the name of revenge for cheating on them. So stop generalizing.

I believe what he means is that he from marine kingdom. If you have the heart to date him, why not?

All I can say is that you are in prison and not a relationship. How can you allow someone do this to you in the name of love? A person who has not even paid a dime on your head, treating you like a slave and a hooker (sorry to use the word), He doesn't love you one bit and is deceiving you. My only advice to you is to move out of such a relationship immediately as you deserve better.

It is called addiction, you are very addicted to seeing ladies unclothedness. You need to learn to control your urge to visit those sites and also mind how you look at women.

Travis22:
Just confused

There is no need to he confused. From your write up, she has already made up her mind to move on without you. It is better you do same. You deserve more and I don't believe she is the one.

It is not advisable to marry two friends at all, as in the future there might be arguments and even fights among them over who deserves you more.

I believe you already know what to do. The only thing I will add is that she has too much pride in her. She is not worth it at all. So make up your mind.

Well the truth be told. If indeed she saw her period twice since after the sex, and you didn't have sex with her after the last time which was in March middle, the probability of her been pregnant by you is not possible. But if you have had sex again since then and it was also unprotected, the probability of the pregnancy is very possible.

It depends on the area I am marrying from. I am from Anambra State and if I marry any lady from within my state, the bride price money will be well negotiable to be around 10 to 30k. If she is from other states like Abia, IMO, Enugu, etc in the east, it will be negotiated by my kinsmen of my town. That apart it is not advisable to charge much as bride price money, reason being that if for any reason, like for instance her husband maltreats her or is not taking good care of her and it leads to separation in the marriage, the family of the lady will be able to pay back the said amount to the other family. Where 1 million is charged and there is any need for separation, how will they be able to pay the 1million if they are not able to?

GOFRONT:
Hmmm.....Hell hath no fury than a Woman Scorned!!!!

Your quotation is for a woman and the definition of a woman is somebody's wife. In this case it is merely a girlfriend. Someone whose future with the said boyfriend is not yet guaranteed.

JAOS:
fake news

Can you prove its fake?

jumper524:
in as much as we shouldn't condemn people, I think there's nothing wrong in making un-harmfull joke about issues though.

Everybody is beautiful in there own way but the average man eyes knows extreemly ugly people..

The way the write up was written didn't show any form of joke. He meant what he wrote and should be dealt with accordingly.

Valerie247:
Thank you so much

You are most welcome.

Valerie247:
That's one of the reasons I'm very sad. I thought she should know better not to get pregnant until she's married I'm really sad.

I completely understand you and how you feel on this matter, but as I said earlier she should try to calm down so as not to harm herself or the child.

Well to me since your elder sister told you to not to let her know that you know of her present predicament, then continue to pretend you don't know of it. As for your sister that gave birth, she should take things easy so as not to hurt herself or the baby. Also she should learn a very big lesson from this her present situation. It is not every man who tell you that he will marry you that is been sincere. Even if he intends to marry you, it shouldn't be a reason for him to impregnate you. It is always advisable to wait until all formalities are completed.

justine94:
I know...I have learnt from that...though am a temperamental person...but I don't physically abuse ladies...I have assured her that it won't happen again

Good to know. Keep it up.

justine94:
she has offended me othertimes and I did not Lay Amy finger on her...so this time it was really different. .but I have apologised about it

I understand what you are saying, but just advising you on the anger part. Even as she knows that she was at fault in the first place, she didn't expect the slap. You have every right to be angry, but it is how you decide to channel the anger towards her that matters most.