₦airaland Forum

chocolateme:
I come from a very strict background.
I grew up in fear, submission and obedience to my parents, elders and relatives. I am well mannered. I have anger and temper issues but it never goes beyond sulking and crying silently to get it off my chest. I find it difficult to let go when aggravated but in trcent times, i have worked on myself so much that i channel my displeasure to free tears flowing down my cheeks after which i let go of everything.

I am always looking for excuses to run away from any form of marriage discussion whenever its comes to that, i don't give room to premarital sex. I don't know how to overcome this. When my potential suitor seems so nice and with good disposition and everything worth craving for , then i ask myself " who are these people that end up enemies suddenly and what on earth can cause someone to become so horrible that a once lovely marriage turns into chaos "

Honestly, i believe that with my tolerance level that i can manage a home and marriage but then,how can you tell that of your potential partner?

Sometimes, i just want to remain like this and grow old and still be very happy but then societal and family pressure to get married and have your own kids keeps getting higher which results to my running away more and more. To make it worse, i don't keep friends.
Who knows how to overcome this and how can it be ok?

1. What are you really afraid of?

2. What type of man is your dream man?

Shave his hair, clean up his beards, erase his tatts then let's view him again.

He has a warm, cheerful smile.

Liyastitches:
From my point of view, it is because they are gullible most of the time,they tend to trust easily and overlook the hand writing on the wall.

It's also a test from God to know if your 'good heart' can stand the test of time, because good
attitude attract both good and bad, but never give up doing good, if those you are doing good to does not deserve it.

What is your definition of a 'good heart'?

Lostchild:
Last month I withness the neglect of an elderly mama that got me so worried and I thought about sharing this my opinion on nairaland why women are so self-centered and some husband are giving in to the wifes selfishness. I say this because I have seen this repeat itself many times, again and again and I feel I compel to spit this out of my heavy heart toward the bad attitude of women.

1. During 2014/2015 I saw a bank manager who's mother previously suffers health issues and the woman has to be in wheel chair suffering in pains. Her son who is a bank manager had to take his suffering mother to live with him and his wife because the woman need help outside her self. The wife of this man told her husband that she cannot be in the same house with her mother inlaw. She told her husband that it is either the man get rid of his mother or she will leave the marriage. She gave the man an option, it is either the choose between his mother or she, herself. The man became very confuse because he love his wife at the same times he dearly love his mother who was in wheel chair suffering. This bank manager became frustrated and started seeking God intervention.

2. I know of a white man in California who lost his birth mother when he was a toddler. His barren aunty became the one that raised him to adult-hood and sent him to the university. This man did not know any other mother apart from his aunt who gave him life. At age 70 plus the woman began to suffers stroke and needed help from her son as she was not able to live alone because of her body paralises. The man took his mom to live with him and that was the beginings of his marital woes. The wife of this white man, said she cannot stand her mother inlaw to live with them. Things escalated to the point where they ended up in court and finally got divorced. The women lived with her son for another four years before she passed away. According to the man, she call his ex wife "a devil" and was happy that he finally choose his mother over his devilish ex wife.

3. I know of a woman who lost her sight (blindness) of which she cannot live without the help of her children. The problem is that all her children are married adult with their own family. The strangiest thing is that, this woman has sons but none of their wives is willing to make such sacrifice to help their mother inlaw. A blind woman without the help of her children, she will not survive. The good thing is that it was one of her son in law was the one that accept his mother inlaw to live with them. He embrace this woman like his own mother and cared for her like his own mother.

4. Due to health problems, my own mother lived with my sister and her husband but she cannot near the wives of my brother's. The husband of all my sisters, they embrace my mother like their own, they cared for her greatly but my own mother cannot be embrace by my sisters inlaw. There is more to my mother story, but I will just stop here.

From what my late mother experienced, I have taken a vow never to allow any of my brother's wife or sister in laws into my circle.


THE MESSAGE

Imagine you as a husband, your wife will claim that she love you but yet she cannot extend little of that love to your family members

She cannot embrace your family because it is just about she and her own family. She will want you to embrace her own family and she will see yours as pain in her ass. She will feel threaten when her husband show love to his own family and not hers.


FINAL WORDS

This may be my last thread in bashing women, but I just have to voice out and express my disdain over this evil character of women. I always believe that women live for today and not for tommorow, they forget that they will grow old someday and need help in their old age.

I was thinking of a more general discussion when I saw the topic.

To the OP:

While the women in your OP are not hospitable, unaccommodating, unkind and some other adjectives;

It is naive to think the husbands as more 'caring'. If I asked you what the son-in-laws did for their MILs, it would most likely surround provisions of money and comfort.

If those MILs (especially as they need extra care) were coming with helps, the wives MIGHT be more open to accommodating them.

These things require serious discussions and planning not 'my mother is coming' and 'no she cannot come' statements.

The wife is expected to be the primary care giver. What is her current schedule? For the MILs that need extra care, who will provide that? If it would be outsourced, can they afford it? Do the MILs need special, separate meals? Does the house need to be re-arranged? Special eating schedule? Special medical attention? Etc. Etc.

I am curious why the mothers don't choose their daughters' (if they have) houses as the first choice. Less friction for both parties & easier to manage.

A woman embracing her in-laws is different from a husband doing so.

Also the context of relationship is different.

That is not to say all parties shouldn't be respectable, respect boundaries and be 'good' in-laws all round.

It is amusing to watch England rejoice even when they know the penalty was wrongly given.

We humans are an interesting lot.

membranus:
My God will not shame me.

My team England is winning.

They deserve victory, they are playing their hearts out.

With that fake penalty?

Rubbiish:
Ewo! bukatyne!
U don go bring plenty write up come
U like argument....
Person no dey win u lol
I miss those days in family section sha...

*Come closer....*

What was/is your old moniker?

I don't like argument; I am passionate about what I know

angelfallz:
Wow you went all out

Rubbiish:
Na lie!
U are not just being sincere!
Money is a necessity, excess of it is what is regarded as vanity! But as humans, we need a considerable amount of it to live a contented & fulfilled life!

Let me humor you this once on this topic and make a lengthy post with an introduction for Wikipedia:

[b]Contentment is an emotional state of satisfaction that can be seen as a mental state, maybe drawn from being at ease in one's situation, body and mind. Colloquially speaking, contentment could be a state of having accepted one's situation and is a milder and more tentative form of happiness.

Contentment and the pursuit of contentment are possibly a central thread through many philosophical or religious schools across diverse cultures, times and geographies. Siddharta might have said "Health is the most precious gain and contentment the greatest wealth". John Stuart Mill, centuries later, would write "I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires, rather than in attempting to satisfy them." Marcus Aurelius wrote "Live with the gods. And he who does so constantly shows them that his soul is satisfied with what is assigned to them." Hebrews 13:5 reads "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" Chinese philosopher Zhuang Zhou once wrote in the 3rd century BCE (hypothetically) "A gentleman who profoundly penetrates all things and is in harmony with their transformations will be contented with whatever time may bring. He follows the course of nature in whatever situation he may be. [/b]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contentment

Do you see a central theme that contentment is a present state, not a futuristic state in light of achieving what you want. You can be content with N5 and become discontent when you have N500.

According to Kofa Study, there are five attributes of contentment:
1. Satisfaction
2. Lack of envy
3. Humility
4. Discipline/ self-control
5. Hatred for greed and corruption.

I would leave you with this poem by John Bunyan (especially the 2nd stanza):
He that is down needs fear no fall,
He that is low no pride;
He that is humble ever shall
Have God to be his guide.

I am content with what I have,
Little be it or much;
And, Lord, contentment still I crave
Because Thou savest such.

Fulness to such a burden is
That go in pilgrimage;
Here little and hereafter bliss
Is best from all to age.

Impressive growth.

Perhaps he could share his tips for hair growth.

Tragic.

Rubbiish:
Words on gold
You can't possibly be contented when u have no money! That's guy's submission is wrong!
If u have made little money, u can't possibly compare your contentment level with when u were u struggling?

@Bold,

That is your opinion sir.

Contentment has nothing to do with your financial status (at least in my case).

What's with 'his mates in Nigeria'; 'Nigerian Education System is poor' bla bla?

Where in the world an 11 year old B.Sc. holder not a wonder?

@Op:

Please let the kid rest a while so he doesn't burn out soon.

samorobo:
That’s denolagrey.A fashion icon

Thanks

Fashion icon kwa?

ThierryJay:
Isn't that Denola Grey?

Confirmed by someone else.

pansophist:
Even if you're financially stable, do not marry a woman that is not contended. Money or not, contentment makes a poor person wealthy, and dissatisfaction makes even a wealthy person poor. Its not the material in itself, its the attitude towards it.

There are many families living in peace and harmony even though they earn less than 50k monthly. If your wife is such that spent half of her day on Instagram, wants the latest human hair, iPhone and keeping up with the latest trends, competing with other of her shallow friends to out do themselves to a point where she has built her personality around it, its highly advisable not to marry such woman.

As a man, you should know that when it comes to marriage, you bear the most liability, just as women bear the liability of pregnancy and child rearing. It is you that will pay the bride price, spend on weddings, carry the family financial burden till you die. You insult yourself and hustle if you marry the wrong woman. Your eyes should be sharp like an Eagle and leave no stone unturned, because the sacred decision of marriage can make or break you. Choose wisely, and choosing a materialistic woman is a choice to fail.

@bold:

Words on gold.

AmadiAba:
BREAKING!!! Photos of 200 Year-Old Sefer Torah that Just Arrived Igboland From Israel Days After Kanu's Re-arrest | #IgbereTV

https://igberetvnews.com/1394982/breaking-photos-200-year-old-sefer-torah-just-arrived-igboland-israel-days-kanus-re-arrest/

Pretty guy in white & black.

It is interesting how most of the points can be culled from the Bible (The author did not state any spiritual affiliation nor is it a Christian site)

You can read/feel/see the respect dripping from the article

Good afternoon peeps!

I stumbled on a site (The Adult Man) through a thread about a guy obsessed with a girl for four years. I browsed through the site and saw an interesting article I would like to share aka the topic.

Although the site is for men, I think everyone could make use of the points listed inline with their beliefs.

Perhaps the amount of pushovers and jerks would reduce.

P.S.: the article is written from a male POV.

To the article proper:

“I firmly believe that respect is a lot more important, and a lot greater, than popularity.” – Julius Erving

As men, we crave the admiration and reverence of the people in our lives. But knowing how to command respect doesn’t always come naturally, and it’s not something we’re taught in school. Fortunately, it’s something we can practice and improve on. This is an area I’ve worked on throughout my life and it’s a skill you’ll want to perfect too. When you’re respected, your life is better in every way—from your relationships to your career.

In this article I’m going to show you how you can get more respect from others via 11 actionable ways.

What Does It Mean to Command Respect?
For guys, the most common advice we get on how to conduct ourselves ranges from don’t be a pushover to don’t be an a**hole.

So, how should we act? Being respected is better than being liked. Respect means you’re considered worthy of high regard. You’ll never get everyone to like you, but you can carry yourself in a way that makes people think highly of you. Try too hard though, and you might come off as a jerk.

11 Effective Ways to Command Respect From Others
Implement these tips and you’ll notice an immediate positive change in how people respond to you: Respect Yourself First. Before anyone else will respect you, you have to respect yourself. First, work on understanding and accepting yourself. Then, build confidence in yourself by focusing on your strengths and what you bring to the world. As Jordan Peterson points out in the video above, by respecting yourself you’ll live a richer, deeper, and more meaningful life.

1. Improve Yourself
After you’ve gotten to know yourself better, don’t stop there. Continue to learn and develop as a person. Personal growth is a major part of our existence as humans and it keeps us energized and fulfilled. If you remain stagnant in life and don’t build on your foundation of knowledge, you’ll become stale and boring. People will respect you more when you continue to learn and challenge yourself. Personally, I’m an “improve the mind” guy. My bookshelf is filled with personal development books, from Viktor Frankl to Tony Robbins. If you believe you suffer from being “too nice”, Robert A. Glover’s fantastic book No More Mr. Nice Guy will give you a lot of actionable advice for taking control of your life and cutting back on the approval seeking. But you can also improve yourself by learning additional skills or picking up new hobbies. Either way, always have a growth mindset. There are a lot of ways to improve as a man and the great thing is you can decide how you want to go about it.

2. Demonstrate Strong Body Language: It’s difficult to command respect when your head’s down, your shoulders are slouched and you’re closed off to the world. Stand tall and portray calm and confidence at all times. When you walk around as if you’re depressed or angry at the world, you’ll turn people off. Instead of wanting to be around you, you’ll become the guy they try to avoid at all costs. Keep your head high, your body tall and your shoulders stretched, and move at a measured pace. When all else fails, carry yourself like Clooney in Ocean’s 11 and you’ll be in good shape. A big part of feeling confident is looking good. Check out our Style section for actionable recommendations on how to look and feel your best.

3. Maintain Strong Eye Contact: You can have strong body language but if you don’t look people in the eyes, they’ll know something doesn’t add up. Being able to make strong eye contact with people is a good sign that you respect yourself and you respect them. When talking to one person, look him or her in the eyes for about five to 10 seconds at a time before briefly breaking your gaze. When talking to a small group of people, be sure to look at each person during the course of the conversation. And whatever you do, don’t look at your phone while engaging with someone. If the thought of looking deep into a person’s soul gives you anxiety, you’re not alone. As with most things, the more you practice it the more comfortable you’ll become doing it.

4. Respect Others: Follow the old adage of treating others the way you want to be treated. If you’re rude to other people they’ll be rude to you right back. Be kind and take the time to listen to people and they’ll do the same in return (except for a**holes). Appreciate that other people have different perspectives on life than you. We have a tendency to believe everyone thinks like we do. In reality, people have varied upbringings and life experiences that dictate their beliefs. You’ll be a more respectable person if you’re able to empathize with others’ viewpoints.

5. Have a Point of View: Have a strong point of view supported by wisdom on subjects that are important to you. Being able to offer meaningful thoughts will not only make you a better conversationalist, you’ll also be a better leader. You don’t have to be the guy with an opinion on everything. But it’s important to have a perspective on the things that matter to you. For example, one thing I feel passionately about is that you shouldn’t settle in life. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people do, especially when it comes to their careers and their relationships. My point of view is that you should figure out what would make you truly happy and work hard to make it a reality. It sounds obvious, but a lot of people don’t do it. On a related note, wanting the best for yourself and not settling is a highly respectable quality. I’ve had a lot of great conversations with people as a result of sharing this unwavering belief. Opinions spark ideas, create common ground between people and help you communicate better.

6. Be Open-Minded: While it’s important to have strong opinions, keep yourself open to other viewpoints. That doesn’t mean you have to waver on your convictions, but embrace new ideas and fresh perspectives. As we get older, we gain more knowledge and experiences and our opinions evolve.

7. Be Assertive, Not Aggressive: There’s a fine line between being an assertive person and being aggressive. Assertive people confidently speak their minds while being respectful of others. Aggressive people demand things and attack others. This is one I’ve struggled with in the past. I’d often go from 0 (pushover) to 100 (aggressive a**hole) when talking to someone I disagreed with. I’d either sit there and be quiet or let my frustrations bottle up and then explode in anger toward the person I was talking to. I eventually learned that, as with all of life, the key is balance. In this case, that means calmly and confidently stating your beliefs, even when they challenge what others’ are saying. The key is being respectful of their opinions too, and trying to find common ground. To be assertive, voice your beliefs with courage and in a positive way. And accept that you can’t control how people will react to you. Be willing to accept constructive criticism, and learn to respectfully say “no” when someone is asking too much of you.

8. Stand Up for Yourself: When someone is treating you poorly, insulting you or challenging you, stand up for yourself. Whether you’re dealing with a jerk or someone who is asking too much of you, know when to say enough is enough. Be polite and respectful to them, especially if they aren’t trying to be mean. But stand your ground. If you don’t stand up for yourself, no one else will. Determine what exactly you’re objecting to and communicate your objection in a considerate way that doesn’t put you in attack mode.

9. Control Your Emotions: Being overly angry, sad or even happy all the time isn’t a good look for anybody. And it won’t garner you any respect. Keeping your emotions in check even with things are hard shows you believe in yourself. Stay calm, cool and collected at all times and people will look to you as a leader in difficult times. Be aware of your emotions and the “why” behind them. Then, find a different, more productive way to express them without drama.

10. Be Vulnerable: We can’t be good at everything. We each have specific strengths and weaknesses. But acting as if you’re good at everything will put you firmly in the jerk category. Always trust in your strengths, but accept that you’ll struggle with some things. Acknowledge your vulnerabilities and seek help from others when needed. Be open and express how you feel. Say what you want to say and don’t be afraid to ask for support when you need it. If you find it difficult to be vulnerable, I highly recommend you give Models by Mark Manson a read. While its focused on dating, most topics are equally applicable to improving your relationships as a whole and thus your ability to command more respect.

11. Cut Out People Who Don’t Respect You: If someone continues to disrespect you even after you’ve addressed their behavior, do your best to cut them out of your life. Sometimes it’s difficult to cut someone such as a family member or co-worker out completely, but try to limit your interactions with him or her. Life is too short to deal with people who refuse to respect you.

Time to Walk the Walk
There you go. Believe in yourself. Be assertive. Have a point of view. And follow the rest of the suggestions above to start commanding respect today. Master this area and you’ll experience more fulfillment and success in all aspects of your life.

https://theadultman.com/live-and-learn/command-respect/

Did you enjoy the article? What resonates with you? What are your take aways? What do you disagree with?

P.S. The author said 12 points, however I saw only 11 points and modified all places that mentioned 12 to 11. On the site, you would see it as 12 points.

Kastonkastroll:
If you have a capital of a million plus with a good location, you might be getting about 200k a month. A brother of mine has like 4 POS shops, dude makes nothing less than 700k a month from all his shops

Interesting.

How does the business work?

ebukajay184:
Friends and family members of veteran actor, Richard Mofe-Damijo, RMD, came together in Lagos on Tuesday, July 6, to celebrate him as he turned 60, IgbereTV reports.

Guests at his party included Onyeka Onwenu, Taiwo Ajayi-Lycett, Nobert and Gloria Young, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde, Mo Abudu, Waje, Eku Edewor and many others.

See photos and videos.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sJPdFRHnyg

Who is the pretty boy with tile patterned suit?

How would someone be this fine with no dress sense?

All black would have been sweet on him and complemented his caramel skin. Or even a simpler design.

Fire your designer/wardrobe manager and hire me

Hope the person is not here, na joke I dey joke o!

Happy birthday RMD and congratulations.

Long life in good health to you.

Y

Na wa o!

A whole president in his fortress?

I hope the judge is also this 'understanding' when it is a male who committed a sexual offense.

*In an alternate universe sha*

Fourtygees:
See previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6618896/24-year-old-man-beheads-aunt-calabar



https://www.lindaikejisblog.com/2021/7/she-was-making-my-manhood-rise-spiritually-man-who-killed-and-beheaded-his-aunt-in-cross-river-claims-she-belonged-to-the-marine-world.html

No elele,

Luckily, you should be immune to her influences in a maximum prison.

My Condolences to the family of the aunt and all she left behind.

Ceenachi:
One easy way to know a liar is swearing
They can swear with everything...They call God more than anything' else
Once you start hearing "God is my witness" "I swear to God".. upandan, investigate the person. He might still honest o, but investigate the honesty first...never take his words for it.
No one swears with God's name more than one who perpetrates evil

Am not surprised at how useless some men re today, u can imagine my younger sister of eleven years old was coming back from school with her friends and she told me that one elderly man parked his car beside them and was toasting her, she told him that she was just 11 years old the useless man said it doesn't matter that she have grown breasts
There is this rich man in our street too, he likes dating girls of 16 and 17 years old while his own daughter of 18 is abroad becos he doesn't want her to spoil

@ bold, there are a lot of culprits in this case.
:

The man, the girls ( If your sister at 11 is wise enough to rebuff male advances and come and report at home,16 & 17yr olds know their left from right) and their parents.

@OP:

Yomi Fabiyi has proven the poor material he is made of during this saga. Even if the name of the movie is very offensive.

cristy149:
she doesn't want you, she just wants your validation, that's why she calls you whenever you don't call to make sure you're still in the constant chase after her, you with her other beta orbiters

On point.

Igbojihadist:
Good day nairalanders there is this very girl I love so much. I have expressed my feeling to her but she keeps telling me she is not ready yet. It has been four years now and am finding it difficult to move on or love any other girl.

Its ruining me as all i do each day is to think of her, atimes I might decide not to call her again within three days or what she would call me telling me is this the type of love I have for her. I am overwhelmed but she doesn't understand how i feel (please i need advice) plz anyone who would remind me of the present economy should stay off as ur problem is not mine.

Four years is too long to let someone toy with you (because that's what she is doing; she is getting her attention fix from you without the responsibility of being your girlfriend).

Cut off communication with her and try to focus on something else.

seunny4lif:
Do you know how many years Oprah has been with her partner?

Imagine using Oprah who is in a long term relationship with one man as an example of a Single woman

Or Linda Ikeji who is a baby mama to a man that doesn't even send her.

These people can catch cruise sha.

Congratulations sir, we would all surpass the achievements of our parents.

saphiere:
I mean he was no there through thick and thin.
You took in, gave birth and train the child alone. He runs away like most men do once their wives give birth.
Now the child is about to get married and he comes to perform the marriage rites as a father.

Is it proper?

Most men run when their wives give birth?

@OP, the less drama free thing is to let him perform his rites if he wants to be involved.

That's why a woman has a duty to herself to choose well.

Of course, in a few cases, life happens.

jesmond3945:
leave him alone. Environment would harden him.

What is now the work of the parents if they are waiting for the environment to harden him?

What if the father wants him hard 30% and the environment decides to harden him 7% or 70%?

Youngvegetable:
No it's not like I am wicked or evil but he is too soft..too soft.. just too soft and kind... There are some things you should know, if he grows up with a soft nature In a country like Nigeria, he won't be happy with most encounters he'll have.

At the end I will be blamed for raising him in that way. I am just concerned about his survival but I honestly wish to live Nigeria one day. But till then, I have to make him harder

He is fine, just teach him to be assertive, so he can decide for himself.

The biscuit example: ask him if he gave the biscuit + water because he thought the child needed it/just wanted to give him or because he was afraid of the repercussions if he did not give the child. That would guide you better.

Some people are kind and lenient because that's what makes them have peace. However, they are assertive enough to put their feet down when they feel taken advantage of or the recipients of their good deeds no longer appreciate it. They don't depend on the approval of others to do the right thing.

Rubbiish:
That doesn't apply here!
The boy is too young for op to start complaining about timidity or leniency! Haba! Can u remember when u were 5 years?? Op should allow him grow freely, when he is at least 15, then he can start talking about the child personality. Any child below age 10 physical attributes & personality cannot be determined. U can't even determine if a kid will be brilliant at 5 yrs! What op is about doing is nothing but child abuse! He should allow that kid to grow freely until he is 15.
2pac was raised by his mom & was said to be very gentle growing up, but he ended up as one of the most notorious thug rapper the world has ever known. 5 yrs is too young for this!

Whatever you want to mould into a child, 15yrs is too late to start.

lalasticlala:
https://punchng.com/i-withdrew-my-son-from-public-school-after-two-foiled-kidnap-attempts-against-him-el-rufai/?amp

We need to update the dictionary.

Word and synonyms:
Nigerian Politicians ----- Shameless.