₦airaland Forum

The colleague seduced her husband?

Is he a mindless fool who cannot think?

Keep blaming everyone apart from your husband.

What to do? Castrate him or take away all the females around him (this would entail resigning and tailing him).

My fear is that he will become gay

jaybee3:
What exactly are you interested in, the loving wholeheartedly part or the perceived gap in intelligence?

Women feel used because they aren't usually true to themselves and you simply can't knock a man who has no control over the other person's feeling.

Yes we can influence how you feel but as a woman in a relationship, you need to have absolute clarity on your expectation from the relationship. If they aren't being met then why stay in it by holding on the the ray of hope?

It's really a simple rule you know. If you love yourself then you will surely know what you deserve. You can only lie to yourself for so long before frustration kicks in.

The bolded should be on a billboard.

End of.

Woged2005:
Same thing, sweetheart - She is more difficult to be manipulated, lied to, fooled or cheated on because she applies her skills, training, technology and savvy to the relationship. Lying and manipulating an educated woman is outright insulting because when you do that you are questioning her intelligence and education. Mutual respect is the key. Respect her! An African adage says "it's respect that makes two dogs to lie down and roll for each other, not that they are afraid of a fight"

Nice one

Crazy and funny proverb

MMotimo:
Too many rules killing the spontaneity in marriages -
He should do this, she should do that
It's not about rules, marry someone who at least likes you a lot (and that you like a lot too) if you can't find one who loves you head over heels
If you can be buddies, your relationship will go that much smoother
Don't get bogged down with dos and don'ts
She must be able to cook, he must be able to cook, she must wash clothes, he must wash clothes and all the other distractions
Marriage should start with friendship and deciding what you can accommodate/tolerate with the right person
In the end, there is little that is non-negotiable

#ditchtherules

True

What works for family A might not work for family B

yusaze:
While dream vacations and life milestones are important, it’s the simple things you do that make your wife happy. Show love and respect to your bride every day, and remind her why you were the best choice she’s ever made. Here are 10 basic tips for showing every day love. Remember: Happy wife, happy life.

1. Introduce her with a compliment
Saying something like “I’d like you to meet my beautiful wife,” or “Here’s my better half” goes farther than you may realize. Publicly recognizing her as your cherished partner validates that you love her.

2. Embrace when you see her
At the end of a long day conquering office battles and keeping the kids from climbing walls, you could both use a loving hug. Make a point of showing you missed her and are glad to be reunited. A big kiss doesn’t hurt, either.

3. Ask her how you can help
If this is a new one for you, she may think there’s a catch. With a sincere willingness to give a helping hand, ask how you can lift her burden. This gesture applies to more than yard work, but being in tune with her needs emotionally and spiritually, as well. Sometimes she just needs a listening ear.

4. Let her pick the movie
Or, if you’re playing games, let her choose. She needs to know her opinion counts in your marriage. Taking turns with these simple choices makes it easier to compromise on the bigger choices together.

5. Forgive her fast
She forgot to pack your lunch, or accidentally broke your TV remote. So, she’s human, after all? With all that she does right, let it go when she makes mistakes. After all, you’re no perfection yourself, cupcake!

6. Hold her hand in public
Some women are less inclined to public displays, but when appropriate, reach out and squeeze her hand. With the reassurance you’re proud she’s yours, she’ll walk a little taller, and smile a little bigger.

7. Write her love letters
You don’t have to be Shakespeare; the thought matters most here. Focus on _specific_things you love about her; the wrinkle in her nose when she laughs or how she finds joy in the little things. You can hide it in her makeup bag, under her pillow, or somewhere else she’ll discover it. She’ll be happily surprised and treasure your words for years to come.

8. Open the door for her
Chivalry is not dead. Opening the door is a gentlemanly way to take care of your lady. She likely grew up wanting to be a princess. Be her prince.

9. Carve out time for consistent date night
In an on-the-go digital world, it’s easy to get caught up in the minutia of kids, work, community, extended family and even church responsibilities. Set aside a weekly special night just for the two of you. It doesn’t need to be costly or extravagant. Just make an effort to court her, as you did when you were dating.

10. Let her fly
As her partner, you are in the best position to help her reach her dreams.

Source: http://www.9janewsarena.com/2015/05/10-simple-ways-to-make-your-wife-happy.html

Beautiful one

Woged2005:
How To Date, Marry & Fit Into The Life of An Educated professional Man

Sometime we ladies think it’s easy dating/marying an intelligent, educated professional. We easily get attracted to the power suits but forgetting we are dealing with people who will read and think 5 steps ahead of any step we take. They are more difficult to be manipulated, lied to, fooled or cheated on because they apply their skills, training, technology and savvy to the relationship. My hubby who’s an internet security expert shocked me one day when he logged in and showed me all my chats on Whatsapp and Facebook for the past one year. I was very embarrassed, and thanked God we have such a good rapport and I didn’t upload anything unbecoming. That day I learned that ‘delete’ does not mean ‘wipe’ in IT.

Here are some help to manage your educated professional man better:

1. Report Yourself: Just assume he knows or one day will find out everything you did or doing, especially if he is the technology savvy type. Therefore learn to either report yourself with humor or respect yourself before you are shocked like me. Never assume your chats are not being read. In IT it's called 'footprints'. There are software out there that can monitor ur IT footprints. Just let him know there's this faceless seriousness person u chat with sometime. It's better than being busted.

2.The talking ones are far better than the quiet ones. You have to understand that both are intelligent otherwise they won’t be where they are today. But we ladies are attracted to quiet, calm men during dates but we forget that back in the house that also means that you can never tell what he has in mind or what he’s thinking. I prefer those who talk. They are livelier and easier to predict. You know when there’s trouble or not.

3. Research your words carefully before you use them: What you think they mean may not mean what you think. They may also mean different things in different areas. It’s popular for girls in Nigeria to use the phrase ‘I need a break’ erroneously thinking it means they need to slow down the tempo of the relationship. In USA and elsewhere it’s a coded word to communicate you want to either end the relationship, or you want to start seeing other men. Once you use that phrase it’s difficult to come back again because it looks like you’ve gone to oil your grove and now want to come back. It’s always better to have a discussion on what you want in a relationship than using this borrowed phrases on smart people.

5. Don’t demand honesty rather demand respect. Honesty ends a relationship, it’s respect that keeps it going. There is no honest man in a relationship. Honest people are blunt people. 80% of ladies cannot handle blunt people except you want someone who will tell you bluntly one hot afternoon that you are smelling…LoL! Respect is being mindful what he does or doesn’t do in your presence and to your knowledge; being mindful how he addresses you when he’s upset. It’s respect that keeps a relationship going and not honesty. Stop harping on you want him to be honest. If he respects you other things will fall in.

6. Seek for happiness and not his wealth. People accumulate money hoping they can use it to buy happiness. If you have a very funny man who keeps you happy and makes you laugh for hours, you are getting the same feeling (if not better) that a wealthy man tries to get by drinking expensive wines with you, or taking you on a vacation to a beach island just to be happy for a moment. There are many things money can’t buy otherwise millionaires won’t be committing suicide. If a man can make you happy without spending, why cry for those who will spend to achieve same goal.

7. You can be tough and still be soft. Simply stop yelling and stop arguing with him. Let him yell, that’s what they do in soccer and football fields. Ladies don’t yell. Have your unique way to get his attention or communicate you are upset. Don’t just yell because your friend, Jane, yells. Be unique in certain ways by developing your own brand. I have the habit of sitting quietly at the corner of the couch or lying on the bed reading my bible or a novel when I want to let him know I’m upset. He gets the message and will almost, always come to sit or lie next to me. I achieve the same thing people who yell achieve.

8 Don’t drag your silent treatment. Don’t let it ever go beyond 4-6 hrs. The idea of silent treatment is to communicate your displeasure, once he gets the message end it. Some women have destroyed their relationships and marriages by prolonging ‘silent treatment’. When you create avoid you give room for another woman. Be careful.

9. Be Content: I laugh when ladies say they are independent women yet turn around to say they ended a relationship because a man was not giving them money. An independent woman works for her own money. Do you know that men who give ladies money don’t respect women? They don’t see ladies as partners rather they see themselves as the boss who needs to take care small or needy women. Gifts are ok ( I don’t care how expensive) but as long as you keep asking for transport fare, money to buy food and clothes you are needy and a servant to the boss; you will never get that respect you deserve.

10. Be versatile. Be current in your field and world events so you can converse intelligently. Pick up books and read so you can fit into professional and academic discussions. Some of our sisters are just lazy. Some have never opened a book to read for the past 2 years. I laughed when a lady who introduced herself as an English major kept mute all evening when we hung out with our men and their buddies. She looked like a village girl coming out for the first time because she didn’t know what to contribute to the discussions.

11. Don't give room to suspicion. Don't do things that can kill trust and the respect he has for you. Once the trust is dead, the relationship is either in trouble or over. Negotiate what you want. If you want to date non-exclusively till he marries you, discuss it that you don't wanna put all your eggs in one basket. He should make up his mind fast or allow you to have 'bench-warmers' (chikers). It's better than cheating, sneaking around and being creepy. When you get exposed, normally you lose respect and lose both men.

Beautiful

1. The report yourself stuff is more like been open

5. I demand both Honesty and Respect: If I am smelling in the sun, please tell me. Would rather hear it from my husband and quickly have a shower or wipe than to hear it outside or have unsavory reputation for smelling armpits amongst colleagues. A man can still be honest respectfully and lovingly

DirtyGold:
Corrections madame, any percentage you are given on fixed deposit is per annum. Meaning if you fix 100,000 at 9.5%, you would get 109,500 at d end of a fiscal year!

In otherwords, (using the above scenario) if you fix 100,000 for only one month, your interest would be 9,500 ÷ 12 = 792

So, at the end of one month, for your 100,000 at 9.5%, only 100,792 would be returned to you!

Take note that NO bank would give you 9.5% for you 100,000. To get that kind of interest rate, your money MUST be in millions!

Hi DirtyGold,

I was interested and made consultations. I engage them again.

Thanks

brownlord:
Wrong, the fool didn't block her so one day the babe can message him and maybe come back, too sad the young man is still day dreaming.

That nigga is a bloody loser

Take it easy and stop the insults.

It takes a great deal of strength to love Someone and give that person your all.

If he wants to take her back, his prerogative However I strongly advice against it.

I detest betrayers and back stabbers

Joy1706:
These guys feel it's every woman that can be beaten. Una neva jam. That's how my uncle ended up with a broken kneecap. Till today he limps. After that, no one told him that his wife is not a goat that should be beaten to submission. If you feel I should be corrected with a slap, be rest assured that I will equally correct u with 2 slaps. I be ur pikin?

Lols!

Fire for fire!

freecocoa:
And some men will argue that physical abuse is justification for verbal abuse, believing, a woman must have said something to earn her a beat down.

I hope you people don't blame this woman for slapping her hubby, given his sharp mouth, bunch of hypocrites.

How did you know What I wanted to say?

This wife was obviously slapping her husband because he was verbally abusive.

What is your friend afraid of since she already single handedly caters for the kids?

What does she want God/prayers to do?

babyosisi:
I dare stretch it to say that any man that constantly tells his wife to submit is an abusive man
Anytime a man shouts submit submit submit,that woman has really seen pepper
It is a piece of cake to submit to a man that loves you and treats you right
It is effortless to submit to a good man
He doesn't have to ask for it or demand it
It comes naturally by his loving and respecting you.

You see Why I am happy the men's group is functional?

The men would start learning.

Your post is spot on.

Lagusta:
Nice one tho......

I believe 18yrs is still okay for marriage, then the husband can sponsor her education in the university (with no babies) then can start a family after then....

18yrs is too young.

gimakon:
He shouldn't have done that, just let her be. And let her go, definitely she would remember him for all the good things he did for her maybe sometime in her later life

My case when I tabled it on here I was laughed and booed at, you now see, I'm not the only one in the same situation, ladies get silly every passing day and they infect the young ones with the same attitude. This is a girl I almost laid down my life for. Procurement of university admission, I even saw to that.... I became her worst enemy.

My case, I decided to beg her even when she cheated with some guy and even moved on with him... to forget everything and come back, she come day use me play, I cried all night, cos I was really in love, but I saw the only revenge I owe against her is letting her go and planning my life to be a better man.

She started calling by herself, and using her cousins Facebook to monitor whatever I do on Facebook, I didn't block her from whatsapp, so she sees what I do,but yea... I'm just silent about her.
I'm still looking at her. I leave it to God almighty, to judge, his( your friends) actions, werent worth it.

Lol! @ you didn't block her So she sees What you do...

Reminds me of the prayer... let my enemies see me succeed and be able to do nothing about it.

It is well brother

You will still get to the top and she will fully realize What she's lost and it will be too late.

@OP:

That friend of yours did not act well.

He obviously was not going to renew the rent and end the relationship. That was fine.

Would he have torn her certificate If he sponsored her through school?

And Why is the guy furnishing the apartment of his girlfriend to a standard she can't maintain?

Opolo eyes nor be open eyes.

Chillisauce:
efemenace way na A1. I can't cope with her cucumber and bland oats .

I vex buy 2 piece of cucumber. I only used small for my smoothie, the thing is just in the fridge with no one to eat it. That thing is tasteless menh

Cucumbers are yummy!

Carrots heavenly

fem29:
Yes submission can only coexist with love. How can you submit consistently to someone who does not have your best interests at heart but only his selfish interests

There is something fundamentally wrong with the way marriage is in Nigeria (not saying abroad is better; I do not give a hoot. I am a Nigerian and concern myself with Nigeria)

Submission = poo taking and the more the poo, the better the wife.

Funny enough, the Nigerian men here will claim saint obi and start foaming in the mouth If you say 'an average Nigerian husband makes a terrible husband'

Will keep saying saying it: In Nigeria,

70% of problems caused in relationships are by women.

70% of problems caused in marriage are by men.

Men need serious training on marriage. I was So happy when our pastor announced that RCCG is ready to resurrect the dead men's fellowship and name it 'The Redeemer's Men Fellowship'.

I often wondered How the women kept running helter skelter to organize marriage seminars without training the men.

Women need training on relationships. They have This 'it is my time' syndrome and treat the guys with levity. This might be because they know the loving fiances would transformate: maybe the sweet fiances transformate because baby girl showed them pepper during courting? Strangely, a number of guys love up especially in their first relationships... always wanting to Please their lady.

Please respectfully decline a loved up guy you do not like. We do not want more terrible husbands; Do not chase a girl with love when all you want is her waist. No more distrust amongst wives

We women also need to stop enabling these situations. A number of people have my mother endured shyte So Why can't my wife do same or Why should I leave because of? I was afraid here when one guy said If his mother could endure his father, he doesn't see Why any woman should be divorced.

To think We are not even willing to make it right despite the fact that We hinge our lives on marriage is sad.

@OP:

This depends solely on a person's inclinations and goals. Some people are cut out for business while Some like to build a career and invest by the side.

None is necessarily better than the other

dawnomike:
@ Op: as far as I know, UBA and first give d highest interest rate on fixed deposit. But depending on how much u are depositing, u can always negotiate the rate with any bank. The more your cash, the more bargaining power you've got!!!

Hi,

What is the interest rate per bank, what is the minimum deposit and the tenure?

I know FCMB is about 9.25% per annum (Depending on the rates for the month and tenure) and the minimum deposit is N250,000.00

I will pick standard private (or nationals) and multinationals any day

No to one man business ( I am guessing that is most of the private firms people refer to). The rate of 'insecurity' in the private world is not as bad as painted especially for nationals and multinationals.

No to civil service jobs either (except public appointments and some elect juicy parastatals).

The average civil service job is not for a young vibrant person who wants to build a career. The office politics is also crazy and there is crab mentality there.

However, if a person is more business oriented and wants a white collar job for a while, Civil service is for you. It would also help for people who want to further their education. People also sometimes build great networks with top politicians.

cococandy:
amen. Same to yours

Hotstepper:
Amen! Thanks and bless your home too

Thanks ladies

Lagusta:
Omotola that got married at 18.... She didn't understand abi

I'm sure she made a mistake, she wanted to say 18

What's the diff BTW 17 and 18 gaan sef

Omo T's case is an exception and should be treated as such.

Her husband helped her achieve her dreams and fantasies, not everyone has such sweet stories to tell.

18yrs is even too young IMHO. What is a child doing married before university

Anytime after service is fine for peeps who gain admission at the average age.

A lady done with schooling 22yrs, 23yrs is ok to get married.

fem29:
My dear, you are married to a Nigerian man in Nigeria. Shine ya eyes. I'm sure he was very different when you were abroad but he has reintegrated back into the typical Nigerian man. This same thing happened to my parents too. They were living in the states, good jobs, very very happy. My dad would pick the baby up from nursery and make dinner cos he got home first. Mum was working in a bank and studying nights. He even took my bro to nigeria for a visit all by himself whilst he was still under 1, that's how hands on he was was. His mum guilt tripped and forced them to come back to nigeria and dad reverted to a naija man, girlfriends, late nights etc.

Hunny chile, stack your chips, I now have this mindset that anyone can do anything. There is nothing my hubby can do that will surprise me now. Try your best to n your marriage, try it to reintegrate your parents to be part of your lives.

As for your mother inlaw, make contact with her, call her and just tell her you want to greet her cos you haven't spoken to her in a while, don't mention what happened, don't apologise, don't be over chummy. If she doesn't pick up, send a text to that effect. Not point rehashing things, you already know where she stands. Just keep things civil. Shine ya eyes and keep your ears open, nuff said

Just had to laugh at the bolded.

cococandy:
yours and mine share the same birthday. That's nice

Hbd to our loving hubbies.

Happy Birthday to Mr. Hotstepper & Mr. cococandy.

God bless your homes and make your homes even more blissful

Long life and prosperity.

babyosisi:
What if she has moved into the hands of another?
That's what I gleaned from the write up
He was doing Anya ura and and the wife moved on then he realized what he had

He has learnt for next time.

Sad some people have to loose something before they appreciate it.

irunoko:
bukatyne

Any problem?

egbedore:
Why is everyone joining the opposition? Bukatyne dey even dey sing Godwin for me! Wouldn't I get anyone that will call these guys to order,and command them allow me watch the TV in my own house!

Lol@ your own house

Better go and get another Tv and let those cute kids of yours enjoy themselves...

Besides, they are grown enough to watch some programs like news, documentaries etc. with you. Also try to get them good books to read so the television is not the only form of recreation they have.

Your family fine o

Qualer:
lol!! I mean it will be good to know someone like you... so we can collabo in the kitchen

you seem to have kitchen runs on lockdown!!!!

Hahaha!

Thanks for the compliments.

Madampinkolo:
OP,

cheers!

Wonderful post and I really like the in-law/family dynamics.

nickibarb:
funny enough after I was checked into the hospital, my daddy also said something like what you said, "he is the father. if anything happens to the kids, its on him". problem is, how can a mother sit back and take the risk of something not so savory happen to her kids? a 3 month old baby for that matter. to born no easy now...

Something like what?

We can argue that if you did not want anything unsavory to happen to them, you wouldn't have registered for the exams in the first place (as you did not want to be apart or can't something unsavory happen at your mother's or MIL's place?

I think your husband has a strength that he is willing to care for them overnight.

Newly wedded

Woaw! That husband has to live with the fact that he can be easily discarded.

The wife has a lot of work cut out for her if that home will last.

Faithful Husband... he was willing to die for his wife

Timbuktou:
1. Lol, yes, indeed.

2. Lol. We only have his own take na. He's done the mature thing by accepting his role in the failure of the relationship.

3. Yeah, I agree

Hehehe. Don't mind me, I tend to be unsympathetic to women who subscribe to frivorce.

You mean divorce?

It takes two to make a marriage work.