₦airaland Forum

Gaggi: What is sad? If i'm jobless, i dnt mind relocating with her but not when i have a job. Women these days are cunning. Leave ur job and move with her and then u can't get another one, the same woman would start looking down on u and calling u a failure.

gaggi you didnt read my post well. no one wants a jobless man but can you start the process of relocating? looking for another job while you still have this one. Or in a proffession like medicine where you are always wanted. Or working on a transfer to be close to her!

This is really sad

Tgirl4real: Sorry o Daresh. I am not a man o, but this is tempting . . .lol

What I will say is that, money is not everything o, my sister. That kind of job, apart requiring hubby relocating with you, it will also mean you wont have enough time to take care of your home.

Please, in this case, the woman needs to think twice. Only if, (like I said earlier) their financial situation is in dire need of that kinda miracle.

Stop answering for the men jor, I want to hear their opinions.

Tgirl4real: Johndoe, do u have a family



@ the highlighted,

You don't leave certainty for uncertainty. You don't know what the future holds. So, hubby leaving his job to follow a career wife isn't right to me. If hubby doesn't get anything doing soon, what happens? The wife becomes the bread winner.

IMO, the woman should be the one moving with the man, except in a situation where it is clear that the wife's finances is very important, then the man should be flexible.

If your hubby says "if you go, you are on your own", you better think twice if you still want that marriage.

Im not saying the man should go and be jobless, he is going to have to find a job he can move to first or if possible get transferred. My question is would he do it?

rafhell: it depend on wat part of the world.
if it in a country like america or europe, then it is a yes. otherwise, it will be a no no

Let's assume you have a job in Lagos and then she gets a good offer in PH lets say shell or NLNG. She will be earning a good sum and will open doors for her. Will you go, refuse to let her go or send her off on her own?

OP let me give you good advice, he wont change so pack your bags and run. If you dont want to have a broken marriage or spend your nights crying, I advice you to end it now. I made that mistake of thinking things will change in marriage but sweetie it doesnt. My husband even knelt down to beg me when I caught him but did that change him? Dont think you are too old or anything like that because believe me marriage is just the beginning of a very long journey and if he doesnt have your best interests now, what will happen in 5 yrs? 10yrs, 30 yrs? Just accept that you've wasted time on him and dont waste anymore or I assure you, you will cry more. Cut out NOW. Tell your family, especially your mum and Dad and let them knowwhat has bn going on. Dont let anyone sweet talk you into staying, I assure you he is lying.

Your wife gets a very good job in another part of the country and career wise, it is the right move for her. You have a very flexible job and are in demand everywhere so getting another job wont be an issue for you. Would you move with her? Or tell her she can't go? Or maybe if she goes she's on her own? Really what would you do?

schibaba: Well not all men in Nigeria cheat. What i believe is Men were created with the tendency of being promiscuous, it takes a real man to with stand the possibility of not cheating.
The ladies also don't make it easy for men especially married men. What i have come to find out is that younger ladies would rather have something to do with a man that is married than one that is not, because they think it is easier for them to let go of him when they are tired, and that he can better foot there bills.
I think what women should understand about men is the fact that if a man cheats on his wife it doesn't mean he doesn't love her. And a man is not a lesser man because he cheats or doesn't cheat.
Its just something that most of them have to get hold of, and i think the best way to handle it is for both husband and wife to talk it over in peace instead of causing wahala, because that will send him out more to his other chicks.

I disagree. A man who cheats IS a lesser man. My respect for a cheat drops a whole lot. I would respect a man that can control his manliness and not stick it in another woman no matter what issues he is having in his marriage.

Rueben Abati is a bastard. H ethinks we are fools abi?

y

Someone sent me this the other day and my response is the same, " dem no born am well to come bk to my house".

I really don't understand babes that ask for money from a guy and then ves when he doesn't give them are you his banker? Shuo? It is his money and he will say whetjer or whether not to give you is it by force. When I was still dating I ouldnt for the life of me ask a bf for money. Instead I would drop sly suggestions like "o I need to get my hair done" or like her own case "I need to get this aso ebi" and then drop it. If e no gree shake bodi I will find the money and do it myself. Even till today I don't ask my husband for money just like dt. Even for asoebi. He'll be like " If you don't have money, drop it" . Seriously she needs to check herself, tell her its ur money and not hers and she can't force you to spend. And yes she had better be independent when you get married cos then you will have to spend more and more.

There are many WICKED people on this forum o . So if your sisters husband has HIV and you know you will keep quiet? Are you waiting for him to infect her too? Please tell me the woman's phone number let me rush and tell her abegi. If they both die who will fend for the kids. I shake my head at those who say MYOB!

The OP wants to give him the go ahead to cheat on his wife. Mr man go ahead, cheat on her. Please yourself amd displease God. After all you know better than God right? You will rather bow to societal pressure than to God's will. Don't be fooled my guy, God sees everything and he will see you on top of another woman.

I keep in touch with most of my ex's, no big deal.

rokiatu: Not all. Luckily for some of us, we are blessed. [/quot[quote author=rokiatu]Not all. Luckily for some of us, we are blessed.

Don't be decieved.

I'm not justifying your sister in law but I can understand her. It is not easy having other people living with you especially when things are not going well. Believe it or not she was not hiding golden morn to starve you she was probably just trying to stretch it. Sometimes when people come to my house I feel like hiding my sardines and milk because I know I am stretched for the month and I cannot afford to buy more. Or sometimes there is only 3 meat in the soup I give my oga 2 and son 1, inlaw no go get ni. Me sef I no dey chop meat all d time. Pls don't think she was mean she was probably was struggling to cope and having a hard time too. Instead of hating her why don't you thank her for having you in her house cos it ain't easy to feed grown ups.

I'm glad ppl had good experiences. When I was preggos the first time my husband was an absolute bastard. I had raging hormones and I was always pissed off and upset do you know his attitude was to fight me? I even tried to explain to him what I was going thru but did he listen? His friends had told him that once you marry a woman she changes and doesnt respect you anymore and unfortunately i got preg like on my wedding night sef. I tried to explain to him that we had been together for years so why would I change but lai lai e no hear.It was 9 months of silence. Even with my second baby he was little better but I emphasize a little. now he wants me to smile and forgive him. He is claiming changed man. I dey there dey look am.

oh my goodness!

kulyie: But hnd in nigeria are hardly recognized,dey are always workin in banks and other places where they will be surbodinates,then again hnd graduates are always marginalized in regards to getin a gud job,but anyway thanks 4 d contribution

Not necessarily true. Both my brothers have HNDs and are doing very well in the IT field. Neither of them has ever worked in a bank and my big brother has a masters degree. I dont see the reason for her hold up. She's fronting now some sharp young girl will soon snatch him up.

Personally I do not like having maids. But that being said sometimes they are of invaluable help. The first girl that came to stay with me was a touch touch person. I sent her out when she went to my room, took my cheque book out of my desk drawer and wrote herself a cheque! The second one like to pilfer. Steal biscuit for school, lie lie lie! One day I went out with the kids she thot I would be gone all day. I showed up after and hour I no see the babe. This girl left the back door open and went out for four hours! The last straw was one morning I went to the freezer to get sweets and I saw only 2 out of the pack. I called her and asked her what happened. See denial. I swear the babe started mouthing off "everything that happens in this house THEY wiLl say its me". That was the first day I slapped someone elses child. They girl I have now is cool, she talks well and sleeps a lot cos the work in my house is minimal.

It depends on how old they are.

taryour: very well said n i totally agree with u. As far as i am concerned divorce isnt an option. As long as kids are already in d union am willing to give it all...

Taryour forgive me but sometimes I don't think you realise that there is another world outside your comfort zone.let me cite examples for you of men and women that left abusive marriages. If you had a lying, cheating, wife beater as a husband, that pummels you at every opportunity and even cuts you with a knife would you say divorce is no option? Will you still think that home a safe place for your kids especially your daughters? I know of a couple, an inlaw, that left his wife and followed another woman. After some years he came back and she forgave him because of theur chikdren. You know where they are now? Both dead of AIDS and the kids they had to protect have bn shared to relatives while the eldest daughter was seen prostituting in Lagos. The other couple is the guy who cut up his wife last year. What happens to the child she did not want to come from a broken home?
Do you think that Nigerian women want to be divorced? With all the stigma attached to single women in this country? Do you know how hard it is for a woman to leave her home? Please some men and women do not deserve to the killed in the name of making it work.

[quote author=mutter][/quote]Madame I hate to be the one to tell you this, but not all men are like your husband. There are men that are plain lazy and are content to let their wives do all the work. I can assure you that I have met young able bodied men looking for a rich and financially stable lady to marry so they can live off her. I understand low self esteem, I understand depression, I also understand that a strong woman can uplift a man. But what if said man is not willing or interested. The reason her kids are fine might be because she has had a string of housemaids taking care of them. How do we know he hasn't even molested his kids? Who knows, she wont say it. I can tolerate a lot of things but me, I will not agree for this one. He shd move bk to his parents house since he cannot manage a home

mutter: Just wondering... he was a banker when she met him...
So obviously he worked hard to educate himself and worked hard on the job.
When he lost the job things went sour...
why do the same women who shout so loud that they are feminist still want a man to be a bread winner . I give the husband right there. There is nothing wrong with a w woman being a breadwinner if she believes she is equal to a man
Could the story have another twist to it. Maybe you so demoralized and humiliated the man that he lost all self esteem and could no longer pick up his pieces. Hanging out with the househelps just shows how down and out he is.
I have seen cases where women have turned their husbands into drunkard and even cases where the have made them loose it all. The same vice versa.
The fact that he scales through the first interviews shows that he has the necessary qualifications. The failure at the further interviews is due to lack of self confidence and self esteem.
Now as regards the infidelity both parties are accusing each other. So maybe while he is doing it at the bottom the wife is doing it at the top.
What takes the man to the househelps. Maybe because only there he gets his respect as a man.
Loosing a job can be very demoralizing and can break a man if it is not handled properly. You obviously did not handle it too well.
In such times when a man is down you need to take more pains to let him feel he has the sky as his limits and that things will work out for the best.

I don't mean to insult you o, but this is plain bullshit. It is obvious from your post that you are unmarried and have no children. Do you realise the amount of work it takes to hold down a home and a job? How many men do you see doing it? If the husband were responsible fellow, taking care of the kids I am sure she won't lament like this. He is jobless with too much time on hos hands that is why he is knacking house girls. If a man wants respect then he needs to act like a man or else he will not get ANY respect. How can you respect someone who does NOTHING all day. His wife is an enabler. Imagine feeding a bu$ for 8 yrs? Pushing pregnancy, breastfeeding, rushing to work while he does nothing?!?! God forgive but I have no patience for lazy men. It is just disgusting and shame on you woman for supporting him!

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Dyt: I bet sm ppl don't understand d frustration of odas
A jobless man we r sayin ere, no one knows ow frustrated lyf cld b wit him

So 2 d married women ere, ur husbands cheat n d next thing u throw him out ryt?
Smh

Madam if my husband repeatedly sleeps with housemaids and then opens his dirty jobless mouth and says there is no big deal in the woman being the breadwinner then I will kick him out. What bullshit. I am ashamed of women, your low self esteem is staggering.

WOMAN KICK THAT LYING CHEATING BASTARD OUT OF YOUR HOUSE BEFORE HE GIVES YOU AIDS! WHAT ARRANT NONSENSE

Nigeria cannot work. The mentality of the leaders reflects on the followers. Everyone is trying to chop as much as possible. Most of us want to have our kids abroad so they can have other options because I do not see how this country can work with the way things are going.

My sister I feel. Your pain. Its not a good feeling to have to ask for money and to be under appreciated. I was in your shoes not too long ago, unhappy with my life, upset with my husband and my son because I felt so under appreciated. It took me a while and a lot of good advice to get me thankful for what I had and find what I love to do and do it. I have always known I am not a 9-5 person but in my desire to just get out of the house and do something I almost started a job I hate. I took a lot of thinking, planning and consulting b4 I could turn what I love to do into a business and you know the best part? I don't even have to leave home! So my love, I advice you to find what you love to do and do it and be there for ur family especially your kids because they are the best thing in the world!

Listen to advice and do NOT employ her. A woman knows how to play all the tricks and games to get you to want her and make it seem like its your idea. Do not employ her it will only cause trouble for you. He who has ears let him hear!