₦airaland Forum

Wingarnium:
How do I get my parents to change? I just finished my nysc and things have not been easy for me. My parents are very very controlling and honestly I don't even know who I am anymore. I am always trying to be who they want me to be but deep down it's not who I am.

My parents force me to wear big clothes. I can't even wear trousers in my fathers house. It must be skirt and not any skirt, it must be long to reach my ankle. When I was an undergraduate, I use to wear anything I liked in school and I was free but getting home, I feel like I'm living in bondage.

They never let us go anywhere right from when we were kids. I remember we used to beg my mom to play in the compound but she would refuse, mind u it is a gated compound. This affected me cos when I got to boarding school, I was severely bullied because I just was too jjc.

Now what brought me here is that I want to start living with a friend because where she stays is central and lot of jobs around there but my parents have blatantly refused me living with her. How do I convince them to let me? And also how do I convince them to let me dress the way I want mind u I'm very decent but I just like trousers because it fits me a lot. I'm not moving there because of unnecessary freedom but because it is very central. Staying in this house has been depressing since I finished service. I am 23 yrs old

Pls calm down

Get an exposed uncle to talk to them

If they continue like this, then how do they want you to meet your future spouse

Just pray you get a job and then you can have good reason to pack out

Wear what pleases them for now at home so that they will not blame you for misleading your junior ones

slimshades:
hard to use my real moniker as am ashame of even doing this

God will see you through

slimshades:
please i need urgent help as am still in pains because i Pierce my leg in a nail while working at the site on Monday and i can't go to work today as a result my family are starving and watching helplessly breaks me. please help.
3056373863 first bank

You registered today and you are already begging

Why naw ?

Strange things are always found in India, very soon they will start worshiping it

midehill:
Good evening nairalanders

Before I start my sister story, I want to apologise in advance in case of any grammatical blunder you see in this article, I am here just to seek an advice for my big sister.

Okay, let us begin... My big sister got married in 2008 and she has given birth to a girl and a boy to her husband.

From 2010 downward, my sister told me she noticed her husband start misbehaving in the way she does not believe he could. Though during those times, the way he misbehaves is not that bad.

She later told me that there was a time she got pregnant to twins after the second born, but her husband did not give her peace of mind then, I think that should be around 2010 to 2013. The most annoying thing is that she even told me her husband was talking to her anyhow that time that you get pregnant again. Are you not shameful.

Since then, he started coming home late, I have also noticed this anytime I visit there house. Her husband comes home late in the midnight like around 12am or 1am... Sometimes he comes around 2am.

My sister also told me that there are some times he do come home late drunk. Though I have never seen him come home late drunk but I know she can't tell a lie against her husband. But I know he comes home very late.

Even on Sunday or during that lock down period where he suppose to be with his family, he always find places to go, leaving his family alone at home.

Before my sister married the man, the man was such a good man but after the marriage he just changed for the bad.

Though I know my sister too has her own bad behavior, I know no one is perfect but her husband is overdoing his too much.

My sister said this has been what she has been going through in the marriage, it was when she can't bear it any longer that she decided to let us know.

She said sometimes her husband disgrace her in front of his workers. I believe strongly the man can do this. There are even some times her husband will call some of our extended family and start complaining to them all what my sister is doing. My sister said most of this things are lies. She now said he have disgraced her in her own extended family that everyone now knows about them.

She further said she was trying to give her husband respect in front of her relatives but when she noticed he does not respect her, she too now exposes him to the family, now he cannot call her family again to explain matters to them because he has spoil himself in front of them.

Just recently, my sister said the house rent, her husband is not paying it again. When the landlord started disturbing them, that was when he managed to pay a year plus house rent they were owing. He did not even pay it finish,now they are owing another one year houserent. She said the landlord has started disgracing them by banging and shouting on them.

She said her husband have really made people to disrespect her a lot.

The most surprising thing was that she said her husband don't even have sex with her again for some years now, not only that, he always keep everything as secret from her. She does not even know anytin about him again.

She also told me her husband has impregnated another woman outside and that one has given birth to a child for him. She said when she confronted him and told him about it, he was shocked...that made her to know it was true. She later showed me the ladies picture one Way or the other.

She said sometimes when he has money, he prefer to go and spend it on the other lady he impregnated outside. She also said her husband don't even care about her again.

Though he still provides money for the home but it is once in two or three days he does that.

She said her husband don't support her in anything she does. She once told him to open shop for her so she can start selling things to support the family but he did not.

My sister learnt sewing job but still no money to collect shop and anytime customer brings clothes home, her husband will be frowning at them unknowingly and that has made all her customers to flee. Now she is left with nothing.

Tonight she told me there landlord came home and started shouting on them and her husband claimed he was travelling whereas he did not travel. He was with the other lady.

She even said there was a time she almost ran mad, even till now, she is the shadow of her former self.

Please my sister is thinking of leaving her husband and start a small businesss but she so not have the means to do so. Landlord is disturbing them, debts upon debts and her husband is not serious with the family.

Please dear nairaland, she needs advice, is there any agency she can report her husband to.


Please nairalanders, do you have any advice for her, should she leave her husband alone, she wants to but she is thinking that she does not want her children to suffer because she does not have money to take care of them personally.

If you think she should leave her husband, please give advice on what she can do to make money in order to take care of her children...

Sorry for what she is going through emotionally

But where is your family in this picture

The man is not beating her so pls let her stay and keep watching him because, she is helpless at this stage and observing him is one way to monitor his moves

Once a woman is not doing anything to put money in her pocket, she will be like a toothless Bulldog

He has already made the mistake of going out to parent another woman and your sister must have pushed him to the wall unintentionally

The next plan is for her to voluntarily pack out so that tge other woman will pack in

I will advise your family steps into this matter before it gets out if control

Some men, once they go out to start keeping a woman outside, its possible he may not regard his wife and children at home

But on the long run, he suffers it more because he has gotten two families he didn't plan for and that alone will make the two women to be enemies to themselves

As it is now, his family and your family are now having cold War and may be the one pushing they son to get another woman as if they will help him train them

Who does so ?

Nwaotu:
I decided to post this here cuz I believe matured minds can be found in this family section. Though it also fit in romance section, but it has to do with family. Romance section, I feel most minds there may not be matured enough cuz most things about relationship issues I post there I do not like the response I get.

Now my issue, I am heavily confused about the lady to marry. There are some ladies in my life, not that am dating them. Just friends with no strings attached. Am confused on who to pick to marry. I have prayed but am just tired. I want to make a decision on one before the year runs out. Today I may decide it is this person, tomorrow I will just change my mind and start liking this person. I am just tired. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to make mistake in marriage. Please advise me.

Well you just told us about the two women in your life and you haven't told us their personalities

Their attractions and their respect for you
There is no way you will be having the same feelings for both of them

So check within yourself, what's their values to you

Tell us more about them and their individual attributes and attitudes

Unless you don't mind marrying both same day as has been the cases of recent

Imbees:
My husband just recently told me that he had been lying about his age all this while. We have been married for almost 8 years with two kids. And he told me he was 6 years older than me when we first met, while infact he is 10 years older. I feel really betrayed and now I don’t know what to believe anymore. How can one lie about his age for this long? What else is he lying about? I don’t even know how to react but I am definitely not happy about this. Would I be overreacting by showing that I am angry about this?

My dear sister, pls for your own health and happiness, put that aside so that you don't get hurt

The worst lies are yet to come, so look out for more

This man doesn't waste time in deciding what to do with erring people

Simpleaero:
I'm just feeling disappointed because, I just realized family and friends prefer giving Bible quotes than assisting financially.
Since June I have been begging my family and friends to assist me or give me a loan to start up a business, but they keep saying they don't have, that I should not worry that's gonna be alright "E GO BETTER" I'm just tired of staying at home idol.

If you are very sure they have enough and don't want to give, just look elsewhere

Families, hardly help each other financially

hhaakkeebb:
the real issue is I'm not scared of having a child now but not with this type of human being, her lies today made me realize shes a devil in disguise

Alright, just follow your mind

cooooooks:
Yeeahh, because no married couples have cheats? And no short distance relationship peeps cheat.

What if she gets a big job or contract that needs her away from home for a week?

What if one of them gets a scholarship to school abroad?

Cheaters will be cheaters, long distance or short.

Your response is base on marriage and her complain is base on friendship

Now tell me, is she married to him, no ❗

So If its marriage then your statement is s valid

There are some things you will tolerate in marriage because its marriage but in friendship, you can walk away because nothing is committed yet

May God give you the strength to carry on
God will heal her and provide financial help for your family

mardis:
Thanks alot

Thanks for the acknowledgement

May God preserve her life and send helpers

Just a little sour gone bad

That may be an infection that wasn't treaded and went bad

culf:
God bless you.


It takes only the grace of God. Its not by bragging or saying I will never cheat, I can never cheat.

Amen,
Honestly just grace of God

hhaakkeebb:
she doesn't seem bothered, she insists she wants to keep it

Let her keep the pregnancy

It's not a must you marry her

Just be ready to take care of two of them

abiolamitodun:
Getting married to your partner for a month...on the run he tells you he/she only wants one child..
As a woman tell us what you would do next?


As a men tell us what you would do next?

If I love him, I will accept it and give him a child

But as far as we are sleeping together, let him not get angry if the second one is on the way

At least, I can't pregnant myself

Dockybae:
Sweetheart, why not apply for a paid job and save up whatever amount you need to learn a skill??

As I'm talking to you, I desire to learn Tailoring but I look left and right, no helper. I decided to work for someone. I have been working since April and by next month if there is no news on resumption I would be financially capable to sign up for my preferred skill.

There is no free Money anywhere. Stand up and Chase what you want.

Follow this advice
Any free money you are looking for comes with a price under your skirt

prof2007:
A web developer with the handle @bigbrutha_ on Twitter is of the opinion that marriage is not beneficial to Nigerian men. He said a Nigerian man gets “zero advantage” out of marriage.

Do you agree?

SOURCE: https://www.naijanewspapers.com.ng/do-you-agree-marriage-is-not-beneficial-to-nigerian-men-twitter-user-says-104233.html

Marriage is beneficial to man especially because his name and lineage lives on

But more valuable to women because nature made them bond with children

A man without family is like a house with out a roof

Some circumstances can make someyone to cheat

It's only the grace of God that will prevent it

Acidosis:
Borrow me money



@OP,


You're going through all this and your mom hasn't done anything about the situation?

I don't think the situation is as serious as you have painted. No mother will keep mute and act ignorant knowing that she's the reason behind your predicament.

Why should any stranger help you while your mother is unbothered about your eviction from your father's house?

He is good at his game

Oluwapluto:
I know d state of d country, everywhere dull, that's y i said borrow and not give
I will return it

May God provide for you

AFONJAPIG:
tnx so much... Nicest advice so far.. I really appreciate

Thank you

Chii59:
I'm of the opinion that once one is a legal adult, at least 20 years and upward, there's no right or wrong age to get married. Although I get your point about not being desperate. But sometimes, we just have to give that extra push for something we want.

That's true

cicodeblazzer:
i swear imo own na no go area especially mba5 that i know and hear about wella and in abia state(itaja umuelile olokoro). Am not sure about arochukwu own because na only one person confirmed it while others are claiming false. I pee for body when my paddy collect list and show me the 1million list his would-be in-laws give am. On top wetin? Na queen of the coast he wan marry ni?

Honestly I pity their daughters and non of them has taken it upon themselves to write to their state House to reduce their demand in the list

It's not an inherited culture, its a system they formed and can be adjusted if the kins men wishes

Localchampion:
Hello NL
I have been in a distant relationship for over a three years now. I stay in Bayelsa, my boyfriend stay and work in Enugu. Due to the nature of his job, and mine, we hardly see time to meet.

Recently, my friend told me my boyfriend have been seeing a lady which I asked him about, his reply to me is that its due to the fact that he hardly see me, please what should I do in this situation? How can I change my boyfriend

He is just your boy friend and you don't know if he will propose to you

If you keep going to visit him especially on weekends, will he cater for you transportation

If you stop working just to be with him, life will be more difficult

You know what, just accept it the way it is and behave as if nothing is happening

Always make sure he uses condom on you

Notify him whenever you want to come so that you don't witness anything that will hurt you more and don't be surprise if he tells you that he won't be around that period

If you can't kill yourself, let him go and you too will start searching near by

Once it's still boy friend and girl friend matter, without any commitment, it is like a gambling game

Rotjijatau:
I'm writing this piece with due permission because both parties involved are on nairaland. My friend & his wife had a small issue that made them to keep malice for more than a week. Then last Friday he went to work & she sent him a text message that read "I am going with our son, whenever you are calm & settled, come for us, the key is under the footmat in front of the door" to his greatest surprise he came back home later in the evening & didn't meet her. He didn't call her, next day Saturday no communication whatsoever from them, Sunday which was yesterday same & today too no communication. Everyone adviced him not call her since he didn't send her out of the house neither has he ever maltreated her. Maybe she's trying to show him that whatever happens she has a place to go. I think her mother is suppose to ask her why she came home or better still contact the husband to know why his wife came back but nobody from her family contacted him. On a second thought, the mother shouldn't be blamed since nobody knows what the wife told her mother, but this is not the first time the mother is acting in this manner. He has put all her belongings together in the house so that anytime she wants to come & pack, its fine by him & if she comes back its still fine by him. Anything she wants to do is very okay with him, he just want to keep his hands clean. What is your advice or take on this? One thing has been hindering him from making a move to call or look for settlement is PRIDE & EGO. They really love each other that they can die for each other but right now I don't know what the devil is doing.

The content of the message says, "when your head is calm, come for us"

Le a not ignore the content if this message

Your friend must have an attitude that makes her write such to him

Which means his head do get mad and when it does, he us better off left that way

She must have been feeding her family stories about his behaviour

If he doesn't want to look for his family, let him forget it, it won't be long the wife will also sort herself out

Happiness is supposed to be free

cicodeblazzer:
Hmmmm.....na wa ooh. Arochukwu LGA abia state una well done. Are u selling ur daughters ni? Imagine a bride-price list of 1million naira(800k for items and 200k for bride price because she is a graduate). Is this not heartless exploitation of groom-to-be in nigeria?

This is the major reasons they have spinsters all over the state and other places they are spread to

It has gotten so expensive that their men now prefer to marry outside the state

Imo state does the same too
As if their daughters are being sold out for life

rasheedatt:
Straight the the point I have not been feeling good about myself lately but I don't know why maybe little kind of loss of hope and hardship since npower stop paying I don't know an I have already quit my job. Am not feeling good at all.

You better do pls

For married women, their children is the reason why they are still living

For single, their happiness is the reason why, thats why you have to get something doing

Absence of money has made a lot of people to feel denied and unhappy, you are not the only one involve

Just keep praying for doors to open

lolueverywhere:
A Nigerian man with Facebook username Mpiawa Azu, has taken to the platform to advise married men about wives who wear G-strings.

Mpiawa Azu shared this opinion via a post he made in a popular Facebook group today, August 10, 2020.

READ MORE


https://www.bruceenation.com/do-you-agree-wives-who-wear-g-strings-are-unfaithful-and-prostitutes/

Whatever a married woman chooses to wear if for just the husband eyes alone

A woman can put on anything she feels is ik for her for the bed room, she must make her self attractive to the man in as much as its for him alone

gwininfo:
I am a young man of 22 years and I discovered that I love women but I don't like sex
Well what I need advice on is my dick size which is 5.5 inches long and about say 2 inches wide when erect, I have never had sex but all the ladies I have made out with usually complain of my size.
The last person I made out with said and I quote " your dick is neither long and thin nor short and fat but rather short and thin "
It has really affected my life and I get very serious esteem issues coupled with the fact I am average looking.
I need advice people because I have never achieved full erection.
Am I just overreacting or there is indeed cause for alarm

The most important thing is how to use it well
Go and master the act of using it well on a woman

Oluwapluto:
Hi house
Am in some kind of deep shiit rn, I really hope u can help me out.... Sometimes last year ending when I was in my final year, I collected 120k from my dad as my school fees, along d line sha, my mum needed some money for her business, I borrowed her 100k out of d money with d hope that my school will extend d school fees validity date, they did extend it but when my mum eventually gave me d money she borrowed, she gave me Just 70k out of it.... I added it to d 20k with me and I needed 30k more, there is dz Paga man around my neighbourhood, I went to him with my system n borrowed 30k from him and he has my system.... So now, d man is really disturbing me about d money and even threatening me with police... I swear, I had to enter my girlfrnd account n withdraw 10k from her, I entered my dad own too and withdrew 10k from it and I paid the guy n told him I will pay him d remaining 10k later
Now d big problem is dat my girl has known n I have already sort it out with her.....one big challenge I have now is my dad, he knows about it already and he is not taking things easy with me, he is threatening to send me out-of his house if I don't refund his money....i can't tell him I borrowed his wife, it will cause a big problem within d family.... I don't know if u can help me with anything u have....not give, borrow me so Dat I can sort dz man out, he is getting too aggressive with d money and d issue is paining me a lot.....pls I beg u in d name of God brother, help me, borrow me
I organise lesson for our neighbours children and I charge per month, I will receive my pay soon, as soon as I get it, I will refund u back.... Just save me from dz shame..... Pls
The money matter sef don let me get extra semester for skul
I just wanted to help my mum but d thing don fall for my head

I was reading it and thinking you were making sense until I read where you said borrow you

Who will ever take such risk to borrow you money here

Try else where pls, so far you were not robbed