₦airaland Forum

Even if the wives want to do that, not all men can be trusted with money. Some will submit their money, and the husbands will start buying rounds for drinking buddies at the bar, or use it to acquire or maintain concubines.

Guyman02:
This culture is the same in the South South areas, before you can claim any child you didn't marry his or her mother there are procedures, that's why she went to Customary Court which takes culture into cognizance

The man also has a culture that will also be considered. Igbo culture is not the ultimate.

Poo in the room. How does the poo get into the room in the first place? Very serious matter.

As you are coming here to ask us instead of asking him says a lot.

Not everyone has a good character, and mothers are not left out. They have their faults even though some people choose to see them as superhumans.

Your mum's reaction is extreme. Why carry your child's matter to the streets? But why exactly are you stealing her money?

Nwaotu10:
Me too bro.
I've been in this situation for years now.

You see, i want to start believing that there's an excuse for crime. I can't continue to live like this. After years of graduation, no job. People where like go learn a skill blabla blabla, I learnt the skill, no capital to take start am. My life's in auto pilot now.

Open your own thread and don't derail the OP's thread. You people are used to coming up with your own problem after someone has opened a thread on his.

She needs to learn to cook for herself. If she's hungry for real food and she is alone, and she doesn't have cash to order take out, what happens? Knowing how to cook makes you self sufficient in that aspect.

God1000:
Of course I will stay because I want this country to be great.

You can stay with me, let's work together.

Rain check

God1000:
Yes dear, it's me.

Lol...I meant you will be the one to stay and build the country

God1000:
It's not all peachy out there, say no to desperation, who will build this country if we all leave?

You

Can you imagine! Zimbabwe and some kind of news. Those rapist should be caught and made to face the law too.

Pataricatering:
they have a sickness . Always wanting women.to.suffer for challenging their authority as Men .
.

They will just kill themselves.

pocohantas:
Lol. After 7 years on Nairaland, you have seen it all and you can anticipate their responses. I saw every of his response coming and he played right into my trap.

Someday these Nairaland guys would get to know they are not the SI unit for men. I don't envy the women they are with. So they should understand that I have no desire to be their model woman and I am fine with not being their spec.

Nah, they are never the problem. Have you ever seen a man finding it difficult to get a spouse and his fellow men tell him to check his attitude or hygiene? Later they’ll be in Health section uploading dangerous looking faces, penîs and skin.

They want us to believe that the odds are always in their favour because they are men.

Most of these guys that "know" everything are usually small boys that don't even know anything about life, or naive and unexploded guys that live in the rural areas.

May God save them from themselves.

pocohantas:
Sad you couldn’t provoke the reaction you expected. What next? You convince yourself I can’t get or be with a man. Few minutes ago, you were so sure I would be abused by my future DIL.

If I give you 2 more hours, you may even destroy my womb from the internet.

This is how it is with innate evil people. They keep twisting and turning in all angles to project their misery on others. May heaven heal you.

That is their MO. They try to subdue women by all means possible. In his mind, you cannot keep a man because you have an opinion that is contrary to what he has come to believe.

So you must suffer as a MIL or be single in your old age, not be able to keep a man, etc . But wicked you didn't give him the satisfaction he seeks.

If most.of this men look deep, they will see that they are the problem more than the women they castigate.

There has to be a balance.

Discipline them when they are wrong (it doesn't have to be beating everytime)

Apologize when you are wrong ( many parents have never and will never do this)

Listen to their reasons for doing what they did and try to understand them instead of jumping the gun and dishing out beatings and punishment.

Allow them air their views. It is not only your own that should be right all the time.

Stop bullying them in the name of being their parents. It doesn't help their self esteem.

[quote author=Farfalla post=108263473][/quote]

Some people don't understand the concept of submission. They think once you get married, your submit your brain, school certificate, future ambitions to your husband and become a liability to him along with your family.

Sterope:
Submission of the wife. Her husband can stop her from doing so many things including taking up jobs. She is naturally expected to give up working hours for the family.

The man that expects that must be ready to bear the cost of her parents welfare as well.

I didn't know that submission means the woman is to submit her dreams to her husband and in turn, he has to take up her family's responsibilities.

In the first place, is she the one to take up her family's responsibilities if she doesn't have the means to do so? Or do families exchange their daughters for family support upkeep?

If she didn't get married, won't the survive? One inlaw can be bragging that he's the one feeding his wife's family.

Sterope:
In a culture that mandates submission, it is expected he takes care of her family.

Which culture exactly? Is it submission of the wife or submission of her whole family?

lorhema:
This is, I believe, the crux of the matter. The wife, having been treated as as outsider or unwanted guest, feels no need to care or look out for her in-laws.

Meanwhile, some in-laws believe that they have full rights in their brother's
home and disregard the iyawo's rights in her own home.

The situation the OP posted is created.
Dealing with it will require walking back to the beginning and righting the wrongs.

They don't look at both sides...just from their point of view.

We know that there are indeed some women that already come with the mindset to be against their inlaws.

However what about the countless cases of the ones where the issues are as a result of the in law's attitude, entitlement ment and lack of acceptance of their "wife".

MummyD2020:
Send more to her husband's family, why abeg?

Especially a woman that makes her own money. She should send her money to her own family if they need help.

I don't really subscribe to a husband taking up his wife's family's responsibilities, except he decided to do so on his own accord.

And in a case like the comment you quoted, it makes the husband know that she also cares about his family.

Segkem2013:
If I knew I wouldn't give her so I was shocked and that was the last time it ever happened.

Very wrong of her. A smart woman would send more to her husband's family.

tradepunter:
With all due respect that's a senseless assertion.... Why would a family see their son getting married as someone interrupting their family

The bar just keeps getting low with the way most of your niaja ladies speak...

Blood is thicker than water.... You have a life time to build with your partner to raise kids in the same format.

Respect his family like you respect yours... No stupid woman will make me turn my back at my family when they need my help...

Just the way I won't want my kids to turn there backs at each other when any is in need of help...

I will take care of my wife and kids along with my family.... If she nu like am, she can fk off

I don't speak hypothetically on these issues.

I always had the idea of inlaws being close especially because my sister got the best inlaws. You can't differentiate her inlaws from we her siblings.

But I wasn't lucky in my case. In fact, it was like I came to interrupt. It's not an assertion, neither is it senseless.

After being burnt a couple of times because I wanted to be family, I just gave up.

The funny thing is that even their son and brother was trying to shield me and codedly trying to make me not get close. But no, I wanted another family.

When I saw problem, he was just quiet like "I told you so". I don't disrespect them but a safe distance relationship has been established.

If they come, I'm cordial but very quiet. I just make sure the kids know and relate well with them.

Each family have their peculiarities that are different from others. It's not a "one size fits all" issue.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Lol. Your approach in tackling it can work but how about bringing both your wife and your siblings together and actually find out the remote cause of the animosity?

Like I said,your approach is ok because I have used the exact means and it work but only for a short term.

I wish the bolded could work. If each person can let go of their preconceived notions or judgement and live peacefully.

People fail to see the part where the wife is treated like an outsider but they expect her to treat them like family. It should come from both sides.

Segkem2013:
I gave money to my wife to send to our parents. She gave mine 1/3 and hers 2/3. My money ooo.

You know the kind of person your wife is and you gave her that task. Why didn't you send it yourself? So that you'd come and throw her to the dogs on Nairaland for bashing?

Nat404:
Be nice.

There are so may guys here that get a kick from insulting ladies. I don't have the patience for those kind of people. They are the ones without sense.

No apologies if you are part of them

Timekeeper:
U r deviating from the point...


Naturally, most women don't accomodate their in law well.... I'm nt talking abt the In law pokenosing into their marriage or they don't see her as family

Deviating ke. Did you read my post at all?

This inlaw and wife thing will always be that way, especially when the man's family sees the wife as an outsider that came to interrupt their family.

You can't come to my house with your nose raised and with obvious lack of love for me and you expect me to be free with you. It can't happen. I will just avoid you for peace sake.

It's not about being an inlaw or not. It is more about the character and attitude of people involved. I know people that are close to their MILs than their own mums.

I have an inlaw who goes straight to the pot when she's around. We are so close that she will help herself with any food she sees. Na beg I dey beg her. . But some inlaws won't even be able to try it because of their wicked hearts.

But here, you guys expect the women to treat their inlaws like their family, when the family doesn't treat her like their daughter. If they see her as a family member, they won't try to find wrong when they visit. They would rather cover up.

This topic sef don dey tire person.

StreetFight:
Yet, men are pulling every woman's pants and spreading the legs. Tell me where the women's sense dey.

You for just keep quiet. So proof of sense for you is the ability to bed a woman.

jaeyking:
One of the ways Nigerian parents made us have trust issues.

It might be funny but that statement created a rift between parents and kids.

Your parent would say dey won't beat u but would still go ahead to beat u.
Then next time you expect the child to say the truth

Very true.

That's how I get my kid to say the truth, and I make sure I don't beat her as promised. I just caution her about it.

Kobojunkie:
Point out the portion of that writeup that you believe is of JW origin.

Never mind. I've got my answer.

yinkaOdutuyo:
Pls I need your advice on this.

Since have being dating my fiancee going to 3 years now, I have being doing almost all her parent responsibilities.

I was the one that sent her to school -ND1 and ND2, I paid all the semesters school fees.

I also paid her 2 years rent, when she was in the school. All her handouts and school bills were paid by me. Even till feeding.

Her parent are just to poor, that they can't even provide what they'll eat for themselves.

I did almost everything within my power to provide for her and help her parent atimes with some little I can afford.

Now she's done with her ND programme, am planing to enrol her for a professional Catering Job, which is amount to almost 250k.

At times she come to my place and spent like 2weeks, 3 weeks or even 1 week with me.

So of a recent her mom asked her to come home and spend some days with them.

She now called and ask me for feeding money, but I was angry and I asked her, Can't your parent provide basic needs? Like feeding, clothes etc. You'll be in my house I'll provide what you'll eat and when you're in your parent too, I'll still be the one to provide what you'll eat. Didn't your dad go out every morning to go and work?

I just told her, that if her parent can't provide basic needs, I don't think is proper.

And again she's the type that want to wear what other ladies are wearing and want to up to standard.

And I didn't send any money to her.

I just want to know if am wrong for asking her that. because her dad is alive and mom is healthy, but they're always broke and no money, that they hardly feed 3 square meals.

Just know that when you marry her, you will be the one feeding her family their 3 square meals.

yinkaOdutuyo:
She is ambitious though, but her parent can't help.

She is ambitious with your money.