₦airaland Forum

Richy4:
We can argue back and forth without coming into agreement ....Let me try and explain for the last time...

What I said was... He should have told you. Both of you should have been on the same page on the project.... But again...., He knows the kind of woman he married... He knows that even in 20 years time, You will never approve...considering what you have been posting here...Anyone who can read between the lines will understand the reasons why you were not told,.... you will always have a reason why the building project should not be actualized and both of you will never be on the same page...

You keep on saying that that was his parent's house... No dear... It isn't... That was his house( your house).., His Parents were only using that house to boast of their son's success...It's not like in America where when u say a house belong to a parents, it was indeed/actually belongs to parents,,...The parent cannot do anything in that house without your husband's consent.

In Igbo culture, I believe Some husband will not put their wife off while embarking on such project because they share the same culture...Again it depends mainly on the woman too...If they share the same vision and mission...

Please do not take it to heart, What he did was cultural( building to sign in a signature of a little success in his home town)which unfortunately impacted you negatively, The building did not last forever right? he will start contributing the way u wanted it after the project...

Ogbeni stop condoning bad Behaviour jare, haba some of you should fear God nau.

So you are saying it's cultural to build a mansion which you have stated is for show off in your words 'signature of a little success'.

Signature of success at the expense of your wife's sweat and blood haba.

You keep saying it's not for his parents, the woman has said it consistently its for his parents, even if it is their own personal family home which we all know can almost never be , he was waiving a lot of responsibility to his immediate family by building that house that alone is the betrayal.

How some of you can't see anything wrong in all these is baffling.

Xilsbridalhouse:
How’s she disturbing you ? Is she knocking on your door or calling your number several times? Lol me I want to know o!

The Mata taya me ooo

Like a month back, around a bitterleaf plant that has flowers.

All houses should have rules of when Gen must be put off, simple.

But why are people towing this lane these days is there a specific reason for that?

I believe there's a reason it's called a family name, it's what identifies the family members
In worst case scenerios use an hyphenated form, the first name of the man and the original surname, that way they will know the children are direct children of this particular son from that general family surname, even this should be in cases where it's needed.

E. G mike-Bamiloye, Felix-adejumo

I might be wrong but I don't think ceiling fan with POP is a good combo.

God saved the family oo.

Hammyaladin:
Under the sea under sea under sea

There's this marmaid animations that has a red crab and the prince's guardian.. I can't remember the sef

The little mermaid. We all loved it.

Hmmm, was wondering how a woman will climb barb wire fence just because of sim/ phone

VirileNelly2420:
Why u dey jump fence? U're asked just to bring ur SIM card nd u're running. Bring ur SIM so dat ur people will see wot u're doing a month in2 our marriage. Every night ure in d kitchen making sneaky calls till 11/12pm, den u walk upstairs n go to bed. I will com back from market nd be horning, but u wouldn't b there. ............

Thankioo

princeeze1:
From what the man was saying, she was not climbing to go see a man but escaping by climbing over the fence because she was suspected of cheating, when he demanded her phone to see who/what she always does on the phone, she chose to instead escape than surrender the phone. The husband wanted her to submit her phone to verify his suspicions but she preferred to jump fence instead. He claims the marriage is barely a month plus, and all she does is speak and chat with men on the phone for multiple hours everyday and her phone never leaves the charger as a result.

Ohooo thanks, but for her to risk barb wire on top phone mata? e get as e be ooo. I heard when he said chat chat in English and I was suspecting it had to do with phone matter.

Nawa.

See them making excuses for the husband, the man betrayed you OP simple, 60,000 dollars is not chicken change and the house would be a very very big one.

lefemmechoclat leaving you working double jobs take care of the finances and you guys are in debt while he couldn't assist and then uses 60k to build a mansion for his parents despite the fact they already have a home is selfishness and wickedness

I believe he is among the I must build mansion in my village, the house 60k dollars will build is it a small house, why can't he build something modest and then assist you with some of the bills.


I am not a fan of divorce I wouldn't advice you to, that man is a betrayer no two words about it, just watch your back that's all more is coming, brace yourself.

You too take care of your own end spend money on your own personal projects, then moving forward let him also pay for for the upkeep of the children.

I am interested in what the man was saying abeg any one to interpret.


If truly Na man matters this one shock me ooo, if barb wire cut her nko.

frozen70:
Definitely the sister knows that she will assist in the house but not as a hose help

We should learn to respect people's status not withstanding the condition they may be as at the time they are staying with you

No one knows tomorrow

Okay then, I get you.

Though for me househelps just helps with chores and they get paid for it, the payment is the difference if you ask me.


Yeah, the status thing is my own concern, shey she will be able to learn the work and comport properly as other trainees do?

Fatalveli:
Assuming it was your sister, will you have ‘concerns’?

The main issue stems from the fact that women hardly consider their husband family as theirs.

No I wouldn't have those concerns because she will be humble, respect herself, myself and my husband and will also do housechores despite the fact she's a graduate and if she messes up I can scold her how I deem fit. I can't say the same for an inlaw.

I like how you neatly dodged the first paragraph without commenting on it.

OPs sister might not be a typical SIL but it's normal for those concerns.










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Lemme look for small trouble sef
Sorry but it is what it is. Lots of husband's on NL hardly see their wives as family anyway, even lots of husband families don't see the wives as daughters any way so what's the point. They are just wives in their words so there's no point to pretend, let the wives too not consider the husband's family as theirs at least you must have read such statement here several times.




Don't mind me

frozen70:
Your sister shouldn't be aware pls before it becomes family problem that will last forever

If you have the 100k give her or tell her you will pay twice and be specific on exact date you will pay the remaining one

Some women are just hard for nothing but the good thing is that one day her family members will need help and if she brings it to your hearing, be deaf over it

She is supposed to train her for free but she loves money over your family interests

But bear in mind that for that six months your sister will be staying, if care is not taking, she will complain that your sister is not assisting her at home because she will expect her to be humble to her and do house chores for her like a maid, despite that she is already a graduate

That's women for you, always looking for one area to pick issues from

Wait so the sister is not supposed to assist at home with chores, she's not supposed to be humble to the brothers wife because she's a graduate?


Like I said earlier my concern is not even the training it is issues like the bolded that is my own concern oo.

Roseey0:
50k sounds big until you enter market o.

It's not just enough to say manage it, help her manage it as the man of the house.

I say this because, I know what it feels like to be given so much, but you have a partner that is demanding.
Mine for instance will want to run Generator all night like say fuel cost hasn't changed. He wants to eat 3 different meals in a day and you can't give him a meal he ate the previous day, that means you can't cook in bulk and you will have to buy new things everyday. He wants to order sendemendes from time to time claiming its not an everyday thing. If I complain its expensive, he will say I am boring. I should losen up.Las las, money go dey deplete. When you ask for more he will say why didn't you manage what was given.

Trust me, if she give you that 50k to run the house for just 1month , e no go last 1week for your hand.
Either you guys cut your expenses as a family all together or you increase allowee

The bolded is true, my own solution for all this chop money matters is let him manage the money or buy all the stuufs just for one month simple, the perishable one to be bought in bits he will reserve the money and buy them when it's time to use them, these things are not that hard. Some will want premium meal always on average money it can't work like that.


Even people that are not yet married or even go to market to buy things are jumping up and down the thread.

Food is a major expense even more than house rent and its cost is highly underared

Stevenbright:
See, she does not have to buy those things specifically for the purpose of teaching her. She will surely be putting her through when making cakes or small chops for customers.

For this their catering and snacks stuffs she has to buy those things.

Learning this pastries, baking etc etc has always been very expensive right from secondary school home economics days too much buy this buy that so tey Na Agric I do laslas instead of food and nutrition.

Since Wifey has said she has given a discount as per inlaw then try to talk to her more to collect 50k or add small money.

I am much more concerned about the attitude of the girl during the learning process.

This chop money matter has been causing issues in recent times. This should be the 4th or 5th thread on chop money matters.

bukatyne:
Funny OP overall.

I haven't seen a system that can ensure all marriage responsibilities apart from money can be split 50:50.

The closest system that mimicks equality of responsibility in marriage is:

A sole provider male who does the male chores + a full housewife.

The resources that drive a marriage are time & money.

For me, the major frustration of the 50:50 model (financially since the wife would still take up the traditional home making role) is the time.

The bolded is just it basically, but as provision is now a big issue to men(possibly because of economic reasons) there's a big problem oo.


Women are working full time, providing the same money and taking care of all home chores, it does makes sense for the man to take responsibility for some of the chores too.

E. G They go out to make money for the family, the couple both come back by 7pm, oga sits down and stretches his legs, mummy does homework for the kids, makes food, bathes the children, serves oga, oga eats and later goes to bed by 9pm, madam is washing plate tucking the children in, preparing their bags / clothes for tomorrow, finally lands In bed by 11 pm and oga is saying oya open leg, if she says she's tired war, if she agrees let him sha do and go oga will vex and say she's not reaponsive.

By 4 am she's up again, prepares food packs the meal, wakes the kids, prepares them, oga just wakes up and bathes and takes care of him self. They sha go to work to make this money oo. Oga will now say she is looking older than him despite she is younger abeg how won't she look older.


The woman in this scenerio is frustrated most of the time, stressed out most of the time and one day she will just snap and that's it.

Towma:
@bold, he won't agree.

There are other families with two kids where their joint income is about 60/70k. Example where the father is a poor mechanic and mother is a tailor or itinerant trader.

I wonder how families like that survive. Are they drinking garri everyday or what?

Just try to make him understand the costs jare, and how somethings have to go if we will still have to make do with the 60k point is everyone has to make some sacrifice at some point. The persons sacrificing should not be the children, they need all the nutrients they can get, adults go still fit rough am but children they need healthy food for growth and proper development.

Yeah, families like that abound, I was discussing with my my bike man, I carried eggs and told him to be careful that egg is now expensive he was telling me its up to a year he ate egg I was shocked.

People that still have money to be feeding well and it's just about how much or how much not is enough should be grateful.

Lots of people don't eat healthy again, infact they can't even feed their children healthy again, they are just managing. Ogi without milk here, soaking garri without groundnut there, concoction rice with grounded pepper only here, asepo without fish there even to eat fruits sef is expensive.

They wish to do more but they just can't afford it, in reality even 60k total income is an answerd prayer for a lot of families.

It's really terrible oo.

Towma:
Hubby doesn't want to deprive himself, I am the one bearing burden of the management. I didn't even want to mention that part, for example he must always eat goat meat and Plantain when eating rice, he does not like garri swallow. Only Semo and pounded yam. Infact let me not go there.

Let him manage the home with the 60k, let him help buy all the foodstuffs, essentials and children's provisions for a month just siddom and look, if he complains just say ehen, uhum that's all don't say pim, he will try to conform to panla fish once in a while (panla is actually now expensive by the way sef).

Sometimes the husband's need to know what women face in managing chop money.

Abi is it not what the 60k you guys have that you will use ni. Calculation these days can make one run crazy joor.

Lots of people (husband's) are complaining about housemanagment costs these days, even Psqaure complained too, so it's a general thing and you can't blame them it's the way the economy is now, he just has to adjust a bit that's all it's a general thing. E no easy these days.

Besides pounded yam/ semo and goat meat every other day is actually a luxury for alot of families in the times we are in.

Just vegetable oil is about 7500, ordinary bathing soap is expensive, detergent nko same nooni.

Lots of families are facing this chop money issue since food prices increased drastically.

It is well oo, E go better.

I don't get why they are blaming your wife.

Maybe because it was her friend that promised you guys the money sha.

Next time understand that humans will always be humans, if someone promises you, it is when you get it that you can start budgeting on it.
I don't even blame the proposed borrower too, maybe she also had Intentioon to lend you guys but something else came up what you both should not have done is sell the bike before the loan came in, selling it was the wrong move.

Hope you recover soonest and get another means or a loan before you guys chook hand into the money to feed.

It is well.

165 coinoil aiyetoro ijanikin, I had to ask an Okada man friend which station around is selling.

He gave me the 411, that coinoil was selling 165 others that have fuel sell for 200.

Chosen44 It is well things are damn too expensive, you are not spending excessively, it's the money that is small, the 30K is small on its own and transport etc is also included but since that's what you guys have manage am. E go better.

Pray for your you and hubby to have better jobs or work at alternative sources of income.

It's hard for a lot of people with feeding these days, especially those with children.

I wonder how people with very very low income are coping.

MossLuv:
both of us didnt want it since she insisted on church wedding there is no way we will pass marriage committee screening. But she should have tell me the truth and hear what I will say. To be sincere, my plan was that if she's pregnant I would talk to her to change her stance about Wedding then we quickly do the traditional marriage

Loool the way we deceive our selves ehn, shey the marriage committee will not screen for premarital sex? okay you guys would have lied.


I don't want to believe she aborted because of church wedding oo.

Aww so sweet I can practically feel his joy to have his daughter back home. See the girl on papa's back ehn

No parent wants to lose his or her child.

Loool una still dey talk the matter, it's been 5 years jare and OP reconciled with his wife back then EOD.

Most times you really do t know how to handle a situation until it happens to you.. It's easy to say I would have done this and that jare.

Tallesty1:
Telling a woman that she's a woman isn't what gets her angry. It is when it was said and how it was said that gets her angry.


If you're in a group of women, broke and in need of cash and someone suddenly starts giving them 100k each.


But when he gets to you he says, dude you're a man and leaves you with nothing, can you in all honesty say that you won't be sad?

Telling a woman that she's a woman most times means shut up, this is not your place or you don't deserve this etc.

Say the truth. E no hard

Simple ooo.

RightToReject:
It depends on the people involved and the situation where and how it happened:

It can be a complimentary remark - example, when a highly intuitive woman helps you dissect a person or extrapolate a concept quickly. From your demeanor and the connotation of your pronouncement, a reasonable woman in this regard will automatically understand that it comes from the place of justness and admiration from you, given that reasonable women tend to be highly intuitive.

Of course, it can be used to convey derision, as it's usually the case in most cases, rather than to compliment, just like smirking and smiling/laughing do, respectively - In this regard, the demeanor and connotation of the pronouncement, no matter how hard one might try to gloss their true intention, will definitely show that it was made to deride.

I like when people make sane comments.

CumOnHer:
"You are a woman, I can't sit down and talk with a woman". It's not offensive, he is only setting his priorities.
A woman would encounter you in a bus and say " You're a man, I can't sit beside a man".. That's her preference, her priority.

Loool, He can't talk about his flat matters with his landlady but he can live in a house built by her.

He should have set his priorities right and gone to live in a house built by a man so he won't talk with a woman simple.

The dude was saying he won't talk with a woman who can give birth to him 10 times over because he's a man, man that is owing house rent. His pride ruined him sha laslas.

In his words ' I can't be sitting down to discuss with a woman' I. E his landlady.

All these threads sha, we all know what the statement mean but una sha like to dey drag matter.

My mum had one tenant who said he can't sit down and talk with a woman

Camped there batch C 2011 memories, stayed, was posted to Yola, GDDS Gwadabawa .

Cross country used to have camp arrangement then, that's what I used to camp.

For subsequent journeys, From Lagos you leave Ijora around 3pm and get there the next afternoon, let's say 4 pm depending on how the road is.

Things have changed now, don't know how safe is it to travel by road to that place and I think the nearest airport then was in Gombe. And if you are going by road from south west you must travel by night at some point in your journey. It's not safe nowadays I think, it was an adventure then crossing plenty states, eating pounded yam at Benue.

I Didn't work for one day at the school, that was during the mubi crises I think, Corpers were running to Yola town. The fear on their faces was terrible, one corper doctor attached to an hospital who ran to Yola town was narrating the bodies he saw, the guy was so traumatized, he came in the evening early the next morning he left for the east we said he should rest small for where, he did attache luxurious bus oo, because he didn't book down, he was that traumatized.

I think later in early February there was a mass relocation and some of us left for Abuja NYSC camp and we got relocated.

Yola is generally peaceful except theres a major crises.