₦airaland Forum

She most likely used some form of jazz on the boy.
Too much missing children nowadays, parents and care givers should be on high alert.

The other day it was a kidnapper that tried to jump into the vehicle with the children in front school in Magodo as she came down to open the vehicle for her kids, the idiot jumped in, her only saving grace was she put off the engine and removed the keys. On interrogation he said he's from Ibadan and he kidnaps children to sell at ibadan, he mentioned different location in Lagos he had kidnapped.

Only God will help us oo

angelfallz:
The first bolded,
Was she speaking generally or specifically? There are aspects of life where men would be superior to women and vice versa.

The 2nd bolded,
Again, were these women speaking generally? In this case, generally, career women don't make good wives. However, specifically there would be some career women that do make good wives.

The 3rd bolded,
There is really nothing wrong with that, unless the husband is not trustworthy or responsible.

What I'm trying to say is that, the points you raised to support your opinion that, educated and career women can be foolish too, are not good points.

You don't see anything wrong with a woman giving her husband all her salary under serious compulsion a. k. a by fire by force?
Keyword here is by force .

Just asking.

truthsayer009:
Na wa oh, I assume her family doesn't also know what is happening & she is also an illitrate. This should only happen in poor homes or communities, not average middle class homes.

I mean the reason for attending school is to be enlightened. I am not sure this OP or the woman in your story are not educated. You can't go through 4 years of college uni and be dropping all your funds for your husband just to collect a penny, kolework.

The family has to be really poor as well to allow this to happen. Someobody will be collecting my Sisters funds and be giving her penny, lmao. E no go happen.

The woman was educated enough to be an admin officer in the uni sha so it's not about education.

truthsayer009:
You know it's quite easy to find out those who is lying, It means some people don't even rate us on this forum.

She probably teleports to her job via a spritual portal.

Who the hell gives their ATM to their husband in the name of marriage in 2022?

Abi na MENT?

Trust me, I know people who do, some men are like that, just drop mata, he might even be giving her exact transport to work on a daily basis. It's all about control, even if she earns 100k he would do same.

My mum knew someone who worked in a uni and submits salary to husband and her clothes are getting worn out. She couldn't buy stuffs for their children sef. He asks for pay slip. The day she removed money to go and buy okirika clothes for work all hell was let loose.

Some guys are that wicked.

Omobola121:
Aunty listen, take 10k from your next salary and buy a phone. Do this immediately you collect your salary. He doesn't want you to buy a phone and he doesn't want to release one of the phones in the house for you. That's selfishness!


Common! How do you guys communicate when you are out? How do you talk to friends, families and colleagues?

The fact that you guys are savings, doesn't mean you shouldn't attend to pressing needs at the moment.

Heaven will not fall...okay! Buy a small phone and most importantly, you guys should look for another means of income to add to the existing ones. All these whala is because there is no enough funds.

She can't he collects all the money.

Pees123:
Good day nairalanders. Pls I would like you guys to give me your opinions concerning this matter.

My husband always buys things for me without hesitating even when I don't ask for it. When he gets paid, I know where every penny goes to and like wise I contribute my entire salary. 90% of the time, he is the one that buys foodstuff for the house. I hardly go the market so I don't even have change from anywhere.

He doesn't give me money for upkeep or any cash. I work but it's like I'm not working because I have nothing to show for it. I have not made my hair for well over a year. I have been telling him to give me money for upkeep but he doesn't want to burge.

Before he used to give me money but along the line he lost his job and things became difficult. For 3 years, we were borrowing to pay rent and feed. Now, even though he has a job, we are still paying debt here and there. I understand that we are paying debts but don't I deserve a little cash in my hand?

Now to the main issue. In July last year, my phone (Redmi 9) was stolen in a keke. My husband bought the phone for me and the phone was just 1month old before it was stolen. My husband has two phones. A small torchlight phone and an Infinix phone. He uses the small one for official purposes while the other one is his personal phone. I begged him to put his office sim in the big phone so he can give me the small one since he only has one sim in the big one but he refused. I used my phone for some online hustles which I bring my earnings to the table as well. I have told him that he doesn't need to buy me a big phone. Just give me what ever you can afford and I will look for a phone of that amount but no he won't. I have talked to him severally on these issues but he doesn't want to do anything about it. We even quarrelled over this phone issue twice. Since that July till now I'm without a phone. It's his phone I'm using to post this. He promised me in December that he will buy a phone for me in March. March ended and he was paid but he started telling me another story. Rather than buy me a phone, he joined a contribution where they are contributing 50k each. He is already in one contribution where they contribute 20k. You earn less than 120k and you are doing a contribution of 70k. With these contributions I know before I will get the phone it will take like another 3 months. Have I not been patient enough? I know it's a means of saving but how do you want to manage the rest for a family of 4. His hope is to add my 25k salary to it.

Pls nairalanders, will it be irrational of me to stop contributing my salary or giving him a part of it?

Pees123:
He is forcefully asking for it. He has my ATM and I cannot take part of the money else it will become an issue.

The people saying I should take what I need before contributing don't understand the situation. If I touch the money it will be an issue.

Ohooo, he's collecting all of the 25k you earn? Like you don't have access to your salary?

That explains why you don't have cash at hand for some personal and have been asking him to buy you a phone or dash you the small torchlight.

How do you pay for transport to the job?

It is well oo

Dainy1:
Yes.
Is the serenity of the environment that I'm considering.

I understand but it might not be convenient for the 4 of you, if you can get a room and parlor self con place in another decent( maybe not as serene as the first place) area not far from your jobs, that should be okay.

You have a 9 year old, all of you in one room is not too okay if one has the means. At least the boy can sleep in the parlor.

By self contain, you mean one room with toilet and kitchen.

With 250k you will still get a room and parlor toilet and kitchen self contain ( what you call one bedroom) in some other areas, try that first. If you don't get then one room self contain it is, though it won't be convenient seeing your first son is 9 year old and another baby on the way.

ModelLook:
Hello Landlords....



[b]My question now is

Landlords in the house, how do you manage your Tenants living in the same house with you?


Admin please move to Frontpage.

Welcome to the club of tenants from hell.

One of the reasons I don't even batt an eyelid when people come to post about their landlords is because they will never tell you the true story. Then some landlords have been taught the hard way they take it out on good tenants.


1.Never rent out your apartment to some set of people, they can pay more than what others want to pay but they will damage your apartment beyond repair and before you get the subsequent rent na war, especially if you are collecting the rent yourself.

2. Have a strong agreement that covers all bases, that they would have collected and read through the terms and conditions and if they agree, it will be signed even before they make the transfer for payment.

3. Never be in a hurry to let out your apartment oo, interview, scrutinize, someone can even do this job on your behalf ask whatever questions you feel necessary, na your house.

4. I am generally weary of some of these non professional agents parading themselves about, lots of them are just after the 50k or 100k they will share among themselves, they don't really care about what happens later on.

5. If you don't have time for 2 and 3 you can get a lawyer. But you should have the time since you people will be staying in the same house, a lawyer will prepare the docs for you.

6. If you are the praying type abeg pray, we do pray for things that the system is supposed to take care of in this country. Getting a good tenant is rocket science in this country, an average Nigerian doesn't want to pay bills.

7. All those security levy, compound cleaning money if you can collect it yearly please do, one of my mum's tenant wife is saying they don't pay security levy in her father's house that it's because my mum is a woman that's why the CDA is disturbing her for security money, it's just 700 naira ooo.
You can see there are levels to the madness. I never get their time.

8. Collect caution charge abi is it damages, whatever name they call it. If they don't damage you can return it when they are leaving.

9. Separate your prepaid meter from your tenant, since you are already working on that no problem. If it's only one prepaid you guys have for now you guys should manage till the new one comes. Never ever allow them to connect directly and collect bill, they will pay only 10k out of 20k Nepa bill monthly and by the time they are leaving, you will have to pay what is more than the house rent as Nepa arrears.

We personally did not let out one property at all till prepaid came more than 8 months later because of this singular reason, the billing in that area was crazy, the bills they will get is more than what the tenant is paying as house r ent so how will he pay in full, at the end its the landlord that will be stuck with arrears when the tenant moves out.


10. Be fair and considerate sha, times are hard lots of people can't pay houserent as at when due. We do collect 6 months from some sane tenants sometimes.

11. Finally do not let your house to yahoo boys if you want peace of mind in that compound.


At least we have had some peace, it's remaining the one that doesn't want to pay security money. I never get their time

Cheerycherry He is cheating E. O. D, he might not change.

That building project in whose name is it?

richie240:
when its not ur time all d elements -both living and otherwise- will align with you, confirm!

You are right.

Mariangeles:
True.

Men make money, then find the right woman (for them) to spend it with.

Yes oo

Who no want soft life?

Man money sweet to spend oo.

Tickles001:
Men don't want money from women.

What we want is chastity, clean heart and submission. The three is mostly never found in older women that have achieved something.

If not for the woke culture. It's never in the place of a woman to bring money to support the family.
That's why most men go for the chastity first because she could stay in his house and start business.

Modern day men do want money from women and some even milk the woman too, lots of faworaja boys looking for ladies to milk and suck dry. Besides a sizeable no of men can even fully provide so yes they need the woman's money to support the home.


Also Chasitity clean heart and su mission can be found in well accomplished women.

2nd bolded you are right, it's the economy that is the main culprit

Fireboy02:
I heard d baby developed convulsion but its under control now and receiving treatment(drip)

Hmmm, I hope it's not a serious condition, babies should cry at birth oo.

The baby needs to be checked pls.

Mariangeles:
The bolded are the worst kind of husbands.
I’d rather go with op’s kind of husband. At least, I knew what I got myself into.

The 50/50 part reminded me of this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6922097/girlfriend-ran-away-because-proposed#109048153

I so like that thread ehn, the babe japa straight.
Omolomo.

Ulunne777:
And my new tactic.Fruits at night.
Instead of heavy night food,replace with fruits and send everybody off to sleep early.
I started with pawpaw.
#600 own they ate and complained their tummies were full .By 8pm off to bed before I will start hearing "Its like my tummy is getting empty again."

Healthier,less stressful and econmical and oh they look forward to it

I have done this for about one week and it's quite good, mango is in season so it helps, I have given them about 3 times, I blend it, with ice cold water, they drink and are like hmm its yummy, everybody sleeps.

cococandy:
The truth is that you can’t really win in the court of public opinion. We are told men are supposed to be the providers. But they aren’t always. At the same time as a young girl you’re encouraged to give a man with potential chances. Don’t be materialistic. Don’t look for already made. Help build him up. Etc.

Sometimes it works and you’re a golden child who stood by the man when he had nothing.
Other times it doesn’t work and people will ask you “didn’t you see that before saying yes?”. Either way it’s going to be your fault. so, you get to decide when you’ve had enough.

You summarized it all o jare.

KanwuliaBaby:
You have to be creative.
You know it gets to a stage you call the police and the lt ALREADY KNOW YOU BY YOUR FIRST NAME!

They will say “Hello “MISS LAURA”, are you calling about your “REPEAT OFFENDERS” again?

And I will reply: “YEP”!
Then they will say-“We are on our way”!

One day, the sent 4 HEAVY BLACK COPS to tackle 2 of them. The cops insulted the children ehn? Shegeeeeey!

The children told them I threatened to SHOOT them!

I told them YES! In self defense.
I told them I would not hesitate to gun them down if they show up in MY SIDE OF THE HOUSE UNINVITED. They can reach me via phone or landline intercom.✅

This madam ehn loool, self defence ke, parenting seems to be a whole different ball game in obodo yonder.

KanwuliaBaby:
Good to see you madam B!❤️

Thank you!
I go show dem ke.
Dem go call police TAYA!

I told the police to please take anyone who can't tolerate the home rules. Do you know what the stupidd cops told me?

They said their “books” are full and there is no space in “the system”! Oh?

It got to a stage I filed a complaint against the police dept for RACISM! Arrrrrrrgh, they started sending only BLACK COPS to my house o!

If ANY CHILD DISOBEYS, I CALL THE POLICE!

I wore them out.

No one wants to call police any more o!
I became an EXPERT in calling the police.

If you nor wash plate- POLICE!
If your nor brush teeth- POLICE!
If you disobey curfew- POLICE!
If you nor do homework- POLICE!
If you use foul language at home- POLICE!

The police were tired of me o! I taught them and the children a gravvvve lesson.

Now, I can parent in. PEACE!

This woman ehn

Loool at parent in peace.

Please OP don't let this affect your mental/emotional health oo, just try to be happy. Merely thinking of this situation is making me feel somehow, I can't imagine how you feel.

God will help you sis.

It is well oo

RichGal:
No, he spends on household needs. But because I do the earning, I always know how to plan within budget and negotiate better.

He on the other hand doesn't mind purchasing what isn't needed. I have had to tell him that he can't expect me to pay whatever obligations he pledged in church.

But then if I get a commission from a business referral, I share the proceeds by giving him a percentage so he at least has funds to cater to personal needs.

My husband has a weakness with being consistent and goal oriented. I didn't have a problem helping him stay on course but now I do cos I don't feel like this is a partnership anymore.

I don't really feel he adds any value to me and I don't really look up to him and it makes me sad.

The bolded is making me shocked like are you supposed to pay his pledge?

Loool, I remember this thread, he didn't use her for papers indeed.

GloriousGbola:
The cold truth is that Nigerian men marry Americans first and foremost for papers. Love simply does not come into the equation. The entire family will be aware of this.

Nigerian men are also from a patriarchal society where wives can literally be kicked out of the house

A lot of us can save enough money and then come home and start a business of sorts.

It is more likely the house is for a return to home plan where he will marry a 'proper' wife who everyone is in approval of. The akata can be discarded, even if children are involved.


If the man is from a poor background as you said, his parents would have been perfectly fine with a much cheaper house.

They would also have a much more casual attitude about using you. The more the poverty, the less the empathy

My advise is to lawyer up and also find out just how much your husband was salting away. The house is the only asset you stumbled on. It may be much more than that.

This is beyond a basic trust issue. Most of us in Nigeria know the score. The akata /oyibo is to be used for papers then discarded at the right time. I am suprised about the kids though. Is he a father to them?

It's sad to say that you are right. ( let me just leave some benefit of doubt and say at least 8 or 9 out of 10 Nigerian men do so ).

There is this little percentage that maybe just maybe along the line love came into the equation but initially the aim for a lot of men was survival and survival only.

Richy4:
Ok buddy.. In My opinion, I did not see an atom of wickedness in him except the communication factor....

That lady was not ready to go to Nigeria... Not in this life time.... And there's no time she is gonna approve of the man building a house judging by her utterances...... The way I see it, I believe that he knows very well whom he is living with hence his decision not to let her know....

All I see is my kids, my kids.. my kids... I have never seen our kids...Abeg... Make she divorce him already and be done with it....Nigeria is never a place for special need kids... all the special need kids in Nigeria have all been abused and the rest have all died...
I'm done talking on this thread... as a matter of fact, this is the longest thread I have ever participated since I joined Nairaland 2009 ...Mchewwww!!!! Enjoy the rest of your weekend buddy

You know as well as I know that a special needs child is better of in the US than Nigeria, if there is the opportunity. Just saying.

As much as you don't agree with her let's still say the truth.

Nothing wrong in getting married as long as you are emotionally, physiologically mature for marriage, you guys seem to have some flow of income (both you and fiancee).

Nothing stops you from building your house and getting married concurently, as long as the funds to build the house is available simple traditional stuff and registry just simple that's all and you guys begin your life.

So are you mature for marriage, it's not about age, if you are no wahala ride on.

You guys will get married early and grow together, it's lack of funds that makes a lot of people marry late.

bukatyne:
Did you read the OP, are you the husband or you just want to be unfortunate?

Abi what is the running around you are doing on this thread supporting nonsense?

My earnest prayer for you is that your wife would treat you how the OP's husband (real or fictional) treated her.

I am waiting for your loud amen.

Bukatyne is vexed

,

bukatyne:


Op should know that her husband is enibari and not a friend.

Honestly the more I read her updates the more my heart breaks at the level of betrayal.


It's terrible.

Richy4:

Enjoy the rest of your day...cheers..

Cheerss

Richy4:
@ Bold, That's why we are unique...The world would have been a boring place if we all agree on everything all the time.

Your last paragraph shows that you don't really know me that much .. I don't play gender, ethnic or race card...I'm too old for that.

Ohkayyy

Well I know you as the green font guy that's all

Richy4:
@ bold is the bone of contention...The genesis and Revelations of all these....The debt she was talking about was a student loan right?...
Paid by installment correct? deducted from the salary correct?...Sleepless night? We all do have one thing or the other to think about...It's not really new to have a sleepless night...
That man should be crucified if he was not contributing to the upkeep of the house, But if he was making a great effort plus the project and she sees it as not good enough, then I do not know what else to say... I stand by the man...with all my heart.

SMH @ first bolded. You still don't see or cannot feel from her posts that she was working extra just to pay bills to make more money to run the home, the man makes the money and instead relieving her a bit, it's a mansion a 60k dollar house?

Does her posts sound like he was making great effort, you saw the places I bolded.


2nd bolded Yeah right, before nko

And I stand by the woman with all my own heart too.


Let's hope you hold this stance if it was the other way round sha.

Richy4:
Actually, I do not know how to pretend... I will tell you here and now that I loved the fact that he build that house... in fact 100% in support of what he did..
What I do not like is the fact that she( wife) was not informed... When you said sweat and blood, what were you implying?


<<< The man in question got one job...He had a vision on what he wanted to do, He got another job making it two to actualize his plan...
<<< The student loan in question, they have an installment plan going on......
<<<The man in question was not letting his family starve because he was contributing as well for the family upkeep which the wife will never deny..
<<<What the woman in question wanted was to put away saving for the kids...That was her main bone of contention which the man did not see as a priority..

When you said he was living on her sweat, It made me feel like the man was not contributing anything for the family...He was just channeling all he got to the building project....

I'm glad he did something to actualize that goal which was getting two jobs and also making sure that his family did not go hungry...There are still plenty of time to save or put away money for the kids...

Based on what u were saying about the woman consistently saying it was his parent's home... ask any Igbo individual how that works...They will explain to you better...If that home was for the father or for the man...

This is my opinion though...It is safe to say we cannot agree in all thing because we all are Unique in our own ways...

To answer your question of what I was implying the bolded below is what I was implying.

lefemmechoclat:
Deserving everything is not realistic.nthry get a few hundred every month and travel when they can.they have a modest home. The sleepless nights i have endured.working 2 jobs cos of our bills and yet parents need a mansion? While I suffer and do majority of the childcare..it is depressing

Off course your stance on the mansion issue was obvious, it's a status thing.

I know you don't see anything wrong in all this except that he should have told her now we don't have to agree everyone is entitled to their opinion after all He was just chanelling all he got to the building project while there were debts to pay.

For some of us that doesn't sound right, a mansion is not an emergency especially when they were quite comfortable.


Let's learn to call out bad behaviour abeg

lefemmechoclat:
I feel like 60k was too much at the time given the amount of debt we are in Plus with a special need child you have to save for the future he would always back out of any savings talk and say after this or that. I felt that showed his family back home is a priority.


I never said he doesn't contribute he pays the mortgage but at times I did too and I paid alot of bills in the home. He didn't even want to help me to hire a babysitter cos of money cos frankly it was being sent abroad.

JonOfAustrlia:
Do you know any married people who use condoms abeg �

Some married people do use condoms as a contraceptive means.

lefemmechoclat:
Deserving everything is not realistic.nthry get a few hundred every month and travel when they can.they have a modest home. The sleepless nights i have endured.working 2 jobs cos of our bills and yet parents need a mansion? While I suffer and do majority of the childcare..it is depressing.

Your concerns are valid, it's normal to feel that way. Sorry you had to got through this. I believe all will be well.