₦airaland Forum

kukuruku156:
^^^ @ pak.My dear not holding briefs for babyosisi, but did you read the post where she talked about the ex who now has two wives?

There is no hard and fast rule about how people make their choice in marriage just make sure you are not deceiving yourself. My 2 cents

I didn't read it, I just read the first page and got ticked off.......

I'll appreciate if you can show me or at least explain how it relates to my post

babyosisi:
The worst thing that can happen to a woman is marry a man she doesn't love passionately.
Marriage is tough especially the early years and there will be times you will feel like packing your bags and running away
Even marriages that started very well can sour over time when they are ill managed let alone one that started with a tone of uncertainty in one's voice.
From what you have written you do love this man but not enough to spend the rest of your life with him that is why you have those doubts and misgivings.

Let me use myself as an example
I was engaged to someone else before meeting my hubby,I have shared that many times
Very very handsome and romantic man
His family adored me,my folks loved him
Very kind and generous,would give his last dime to a stranger in need
Perfect gentleman
But he is a little too boisterous in nature and had some terrible table manners
Some people may say this is minor but it bothered me a lot
The last straw was at a wedding when he motioned servers a little too loudly to get us food,I was a little embarrassed,we were in a hotel and could easily go and get food.my husband will never ever do a thing like that never!!
To make matters worse when the food came,he opened the wrap of moi moi and licked the foil and I wanted the ground to swallow me ,and that was the day my spirit left the union
I couldn't marry him,I couldn't be with a man that would embarrass me.,I just couldn't take it coupled with the fact that he wanted to get into politics and I couldn't envision myself standing on a podium campaigning.

To some these were minor things,to me they were major

You said you are not compatible sexually,can you live with that all your life?
Bad kisser,can you manage that?
If you don't feel sexually attracted to this man I wouldn't advise you to continue
It won't work

When hard marital current strikes sometimes the sexual chemistry is what will take you over the hump and if it is lacking from day one,you may be swimming against the tide.
You should be madly in love at this stage if he is the one
It doesn't sound that way from what you wrote

Wow! First thing I did after reading your initial post was 'Thank God, you are not a professional marriage counselor' it would have been a one way ticket to marital hell for young ladies.

'Love passionately' - a basis for marriage. my oh my - in 2015
I have no reason to be antagonistic to you but do realize you just gave one hell of an advice

Read what EfemenaXY wrote immediately after your post, that made infinitely more sense. She should have called you to order but I guess she took the part of diplomacy and rather spelt out what was right

EfemenaXY:
Anyway, in addition to what you've just written, I'd like to add that marriage has got it's troughs and peaks. There are times you get really good highs and there are times you get really low, lows. It's not something that can be avoided as life is never plain sailing. However, what does help (apart from having that great sexual chemistry), is if you have a friend in your partner when everything else is stripped off.

Someone who understands you without your having to spell everything out to him (and vice versa). Someone you can share your aspirations, dreams, fears, worries, happiness, and so on with. Also, the longer you've been married, the easier it gets, especially when you've gone past your 10th, 15th, 20th anniversary. You just sort of "grow into each other", and at that point in time, you look back at your earlier years of marriage with fondness and marvel at how inconsequential now, many things were such a big deal to you both then.

Yes, it's never going to be a bed of roses, nor a smooth frictionless path. It's quite the opposite and akin to that proverbial garden that you've just got to keep tending to, else weeds would creep in and choke the life out of it, if neglected.

Marriage can be as hellish or as beautiful as you want it to be. You've just got to have a common goal (both parteners) and work towards achieving it.

Now this, is my Valentine's message.

Happy Valentine's to everyone.

I mean all she pointed out had nothing to do with passion or 'mad love', it had to do with consciousness and reason. Passionate love might have worked for you but consider yourself lucky. It is the number one source of agony.

A woman's emotions is the number one unreasonable sense to base decisions on. Have you heard of trauma bonding, ever heard sunk cost fallacy ? those are errors of emotion.

Let me give you a story of my sister. In her late twenties, she dated this guy who from first glance, everybody knew was a winner, handsome , easy going, quiet, came from a stable family, had a great job and loved her very much but for some funny reasons my sis didn't love him, he hung on for a while - the guy would come to our house watch football with us, got on with everybody, very intelligent, eat dinner with the family, he was just too good , then suddenly this tall basketball player (who was a player in every sense of the word) came into her life, in a jiffy she dumped the first guy and went for the new one. Everybody could sense my sis was all over the guy, she was so passionate about him but guess what within a year the relationship went down the drain, by that time Mr good guy had moved on.

There is nothing passion about this, use your head and listen to your guts (your subconscious) your heart will always deceive you.

Ask yourself, Is he a GOOD man ?
How does he treat other people ?
How does he treat you ?
How does he treat his family ?
What are his relationship with his parents like ?
Is he ambitious ?
Does he support my ambitions ?
Is he prone to cheating and violence ?

This is what I expected to hear from you ? what is sexual chemistry ?? What I expected to hear is when everything else is stripped off, is he still your friend ?
Apart from extreme cases of impotence, frigidity, quick ejaculation etc good sex can always be worked at. I can tell you that categorically.
I once asked a girl what made good sex for her and she just stared at me for a while and said -well, even before it starts, you just know you want that person. Have you ever heard the wife of a serial cheat fighting for the full attention of her husband complain about good sex ? it's 90% in the mind

Do you have any idea how easy it is for the serial player to get a woman passionately interested in him. Have you ever wondered why all this I want to marry him but I am not in love with him always ends with - the guy is a great guy, very kind and he loves me very much ?
and why stories like he beats me and cheats on me always ends with - I love him very much and I have made a lot of sacrifices for him ?
More often than not, a woman's emotions are not logical. All the girls I have dated that I wasn't really into were very crazy about me. It's just a natural phenomenon called 'push and pull'.
To end this I will say categorically - YOU DON'T NEED TO BE MADLY IN LOVE TO ENTER A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE - it's far better when you grow into each other. To borrow the words of EfemenaXY

slimyem:
I'm almosHe definitely isn't a man yet ,his father seems just that and is taking advantage of the situation. the money.t certain the woman you are referring to is an illiterate ,loud,immature and attention-seeking one.
Eventually, wise neighbors around would know her for what she is and would stop meddling.
It not your business OP so you pick the tip (an unhealthy relationship that you don't envy) from this one and look away

Is it not obvious that the OP is the man in question. I mean it would have been difficult to admit from onset because he seems to have been on NL for a while.

To the OP, that woman is already cheating on you, either emotionally or physically, and might possibly kill you if the situation warrants it.
She is already killing your image in your community, doing it physically will just take things a step further.

Dyt:
What's ur own definition of a prostitute?
The ones that slps with men for some material/welfare gains?

Now tell me what lady hasn't slpt with a man either for love/money/vows anything
I mean anything
Do u slp with someone just cos u wanna do?
U do cos u expect smth in return

I have done for love
Yes I have done for money

Call me whatever
Ur choice/business

Matured response. It is very rare to see this level of sincerity in women, especially in Nigeria and specifically on nairaland

Let me introduce seriousness and psychology into this matter.....
She is either tired of the marriage or cheating on him (or about to start cheating)
Trust me!

My head is in a big knot.
For the first time in my nairaland existence, I want to comment but I am speechless. I can only think of coogar as the man to help us do justice to this request for counselling

For me, the man is in all probability a serial cheat and reckless father /husband.

Two, the wife/wives are also in all probability cheating.

Three, even you, seem to be something of a runs girl. If you can have a relationship with a married man living in the same house, God knows the wonders you are performing outside.


So how do you expect we humans to handle a case involving devils

kastonkastrol:
tinubu is really a strategist who understands how Nigeria politics work. Jonathan should have never allowed him to form an alliance with the north. The northwest/southwest alliance is one that can never be beaten in Nigeria. The moment I saw odualand states being won by buhari, I knew that it was game over for jonathan.

Unfortunately, an igboman can never be president if he doesn't form an alliance with one of the majority tribes(yorubas or hausas) and that's the bitter truth. Igbos should drop their "I hate north/southwest" attitude if they really want to be relevant in Nigeria's politics

Baddest politician ever liveth

[img]http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSXt1-ZjUCImPazpG2xjGET_7odUG-_uPEBA4MNcNqzhnIh2h4-VRyH_egRTA[/img]

In another news;

Ambode 2015
We support

why don't we just leave it at - It will be difficult for an Igbo man to become president simple ! unless by a quirk of faith like the case of GEJ, it won't happen in modern day Nigeria. The hause will rather vote Yoruba, if they have to make a choice between the two, the igbo will fight between themselves - ask yourself? who is the political leader/rallying point of the igbos ? None. Even the south-south might actually have a hard time being pro-igbo. I mean the ijaws, itsekiris are almost Yorubas (although, they might be irked by the recent treatment of GEJ by the west in the 2015 polls).
Just consider the major gladiators of the general elections of the fourth republic from 1999
Obasanjo, Falae, Buhari, Yar adua, GEJ and you'll understand my views

obowunmi:
I don't know anything about love or marriage whether arranged or otherwise. What I know is that just pray.

People these days are devils disguised in human form. Prayer is the answer, prayer is the master key. marry someone who genuinely loves God and make sure you get confirmation from God before you marry.

There's nothing more painful and sorrowful than marrying the wrong person.

I'm so afraid. The things my eyes has seen. It's crazy.

I am telling you my brother, I once dated a girl who claimed someone died in their family just because she wanted to go cheat with someone else. Even though I can accept a lady can cheat , I couldn't believe she could use death as a cover-up, so I just had to deny all the evidence I saw because as I said lying about death was just too far fetched . Demons walk the earth these days

diamondtutu:
My names is Desmond,am from delta state,25 yrs old,today I write this article to all with joy and regrets to what I have lost in these past years I have lost to a very bad habit. MASTURBATION.

How it all began.

I was only seven years old,we were five in the family,i am the 3rd child. I had two elder brothers above me. My eldest brother,who happen to be a lecturer now was more of a problem child,then he was very stubborn,he stole,from my parents and even from my neighbours,it was so bad that then. My parents tried their best but to no avail.
One afternoon,he came home when my parents wasn't around as usual,he took me to the parlour and ask me to watch him. He then brought out his penis and masturbated,i saw sperm for the first time. I never knew anything about sex,because I was just seven. After he left,i was still wondering"what is the meaning of what he did". Now I believe that demons can multiply in a man. We all knew then that he steals,but now he has added mastubation.

Two days after,i decided to try it. I did.(tears) it felt good. I continued,everyday,later 3 times a day,before I knew,it became a strong habit,it was like I was under some spiritual influence. It got so bad that whenver the urge comes,anywere I am,even in the church,i wud look for a corner to please myself and masturbate.

I masturbated from my early primary school till I finish tertiary,there was no dat I didn't masturbate at least 8-10 times daily. I hated girls,hated relatinships,infact then when I see any girl I like,i ll just go home,imagine her face,and masturbate.to me I have slept with her. I could masturbate even in a cab,on benches in the farm,mum's shop etc.

Everyone saw me growing up,as an innocent boy,but no one knew what I was passing through. As I grew older,i started making enquiries about it. I discovered it was a sin before God,and it was harmful to my health,my eyes went blur,i loose so much weight,even when am weak,i masturbate.
Later in my teens,it bacame a form of cure to depression,wenever am depressed,i masturbates,then slept off. I was a very active brother in the choir,i was made the choir director twice. Everyone loved me,but I was dying slowly. During the year 2000,i swore never to do it anymore,but wen the urge comes,it overcomes me,and I yeild.

Later in life whenver I do it(masturbates) I felll guilt afterwards,i felt dirty. Then I knew I had to change... To be continued

Your brother also seems to have homosexual and incestuous tendencies

Yomieluv:
I doubt this story because of the following:

1. The man's reaction to the situation,by staying away from home,than actually sending the woman away..

2. Despite that,he's still sending money home,when there's a reason to doubt the paternity of the kids..

3. The mother insisting the man should go home to forgive the woman,when the mother should be the one to initiate how the woman should leave the house..

4. The man left home for just 30 minutes,and loverboy has entered the house,did the loverboy sleep at the balcony,or corridor to meet up with such speed of time.

Op,tell me the time of the repeat broadcast of this movie,I don't want to miss it.

Though I have no evidence that the story is true but I can tell you that it is very possible.

I am a quiet easy going person myself and unfortunately attracted to aggressive ladies , very unfortunately. I really don't run after women per se, So that explains why all ladies around me are those that are willing to go out of their shell. So it's easy for me to understand the psychology playing out.
He left home instead of sending the woman away, quite naturally - the kind of man that a woman will be willing to bring another man to his matrimonial bed must really be easy going and that woman must have a warlord spirit. It will be far easier for the gentleman to walk away.

2. As long as the paternity of the kids have not been disproved , it is his God given responsibility. My father walked out of home early in life and at some point stopped supporting his family. Though we later got closer towards the end of his life but even in his grave, I find it hard to respect him. Regardless of what happens in my marriage, my kids will never have that impression of me

3. I find that puzzling too - although possibly , the wife must have been a most pretentious, two-faced biitch and must have 'bought' the woman over in some ways - but accepted, this is really strange

4. I am actually surprised that you doubt this part, I mean logically this be like the 37th time they were going at it. The first time they did it, they must have used a hotel like 100km away from home but htey would just have got more bolder by the minute. Did you not hear the story of the man who killed his wife's lover in a village in the north recently (it was on nairaland, a police case, at that). Even when the guy was at home, the wife will simply say she wanted to go buy something in the evening, stop by at lover boy's house and in thirty minutes come back home. She did that almost every evening until the husbadn set a trap and hacked loverboy to death while they were in the act. So bro, it is very possible. infact, if he didn't catch them, it would graduate to doing it in the toilet while he is very much at home, I tell you

anigold:
This a very painful experience to the man, he has two options:
divorce or give her a second chance..

well I will give her a second chance cos of the kids and cos I still love her..

Cheating in marriages is crazy and dangerous...

I love your good heart but I will advise you as a brother who has been there before.

Never give people second chances in situations like this. Believe people the first time they show you who they really are.

It will save you from a lot of heart breaks in life.

Understand that 'love' is not enough to sustain a relationship. If she does not have the right character, love her to heaven and yet the marriage won't work. In fact the next time out, it will probably be more painful, she'll prolly sleep with your junior brother or cousin or one of your employees. trust me

Dyt:
Why is wifey moody?
Oya you too confess, is she sexier than wifey?


Seriously I blame you
The fact you know you never interested, why give her even an inch closer?
Don't lie you were contemplating doing her even if its just once
I don't understand you men
You claim you never interested
Not your taste
Yet you give her all the attention
Shior

I understand and agree with your sentiments but dyt be sincere, don't you think women do this faar more than men ? as in indulging in attention from other men apart from there partner though they don't actually intend it leading anywhere.

How can we get so insensitive in the name of religion ?

He has performed his divine assignment ? Tell that to the hundred of thousands of relatives of people in Baga who were killed due to the incompetence of his Govt. Tell that to all those in IDP camps in Yola, Borno and Yobe.

Tell that to all those who have lost means of livelihoods and are now vagabonds in their own country

kkoncept:
He sat on top of the red pillow to measure up height with Chris Brown

Like really! Did he have to do that ? Kevin Hart is also very short as well. It's a natural thing, he should get comfy with it. He has gotten this far without being tall so why does he now getting so conscious about his height ?

irunoobo:
[size=15pt]Yes I do


I bought my 1st Mtn sim in 1999 . then sim card was sold for 93k. Good old days [/size]

99 is 16 years ago remember ? How old are you now ?

DuchessLily:
City where u live, So u stop paying house rent and also have a part to rent out , so u can collect house rent frm tenant

With that, it will be easier to save towards d village house.

Why build 1st in a Village u visit maybe once a yr?

Wise woman!

Nneka123:
I don't think she is that bad, maybe you don't want to be in a relationship with her.

You're absolutely right. There is nothing wrong with the babe. The guy does not love her and is not sure she wants to be in a relationship with her. She senses it and it has made her desperate.

missclasssy:
[color=#000050]Just be yourself....
You might suck at being a player[/color]

Your initial response on the first page of this thread was intelligent and interesting.

But I'll disagree with you about sucking at being a player. Every body can be a player if he wants to, it's being good that's difficult and rare.

The only difference is that some men have more developed conscience hence might not be comfortable going to bed knowing they have intentionally hurt another human being.

To be a player, especially if you have some money ? easiest thing in the planet. Convince a girl to sleep with you and then suddenly stop calling her for about a week. It's hurtful but it works like crazy. Rationally yu think the lady would walk away knowing you are a jerk ?? wrong, more often than not she feels used and seeking closure to her emotional wound she develops an unhealthy attachment. Call her back a week later, get her to bed again (her defenses are weakened. to her,you actually have little to lose again) then start flirting (or cheating) with other ladies. By this time, her emotions are so wound up, her self-esteem has been hit and at that point, the vicious cycle has been established. The player can even beat her up and she still sticks. Every body around sees her as mad but she can't just easily walk away. Players intuitively (without having to analyze the way I have just done) all these and they exploit it to full effect.
That's why it is difficult for men with a lot of experience with women, apart from those with integrity and a good conscience, to take women very serious in relationships, sorry to say, when it comes to emotions, women are more often than not irrational.

jarkbauer:
GOVERNOSHIP ELECTIONS WILL TAKE PLACE IN 29 STATES NO ELECTIONS 7 STATES

Anambra
Bayelsa
Edo
Ekiti
Kogi
Ondo
Osun




APGA
ABIA

PDP
AKWA IBOM
CROSS RIVERS
DELTA
EBONYI
ENUGU
NASARAWA
TARABA


APC
ADAMAWA
BAUCHI
BENUE
BORNO
GOMBE
IMO
JIGAWA
KADUNA
KANO
KATSINA
KEBBI
KWARA
LAGOS
NIGER
OGUN
OYO
PLATEAU
RIVERS
SOKOTO
YOBE
ZAMFARA



do you agree?

Plateau is very much 50/50. Infact PDP might jave a slight edge due to the power of incumbency. They won all the senatorial seats

Ishilove:
So after all the mouth they've been making they know how to congratulate? They were acting as if the presidency is their birthright, yet barely 2hours later, they're singing a new tune and sending hypocritical congratulatory messages.

How fickle. This is a lesson to all. They'll love you when you're in power and abandon you when they're done with you.

Nice one ishi. How you doing ?

Though you intentions are likely to be laudable, but you actually speak like a child.

No 1 - After election life will still continue - tell that to the millions in IDP camps in Borno , Yobe and Adamawa or the thousands who have lost a loved one to violence or the civil servants who have not collected salaries for months. Life doesn't just continue, the choice of a leader has a big impact in our collective directions for the next four years

No 2 - We can not forget about ethnicity because that is who we are. We can decide to forge ahead despite our ethnic or religious difference but to say forget it, is well....puerile

No 3 - If you can prevent the irregularity then it is laughable to wait until the courts come in. Political parties won't just sit down and allow their opponents to cheat blatantly. That said, I am totally opposed to rigging and unnecessary loss of lives.

No 4 - So Buhari should include FFK and stella Oduah in his government and GEJ should include Tinubu and Ameachi in his. On paper, cool, in practice, a big joke.


You prolly had good intentions but always try to raise cogent defence

Has their been an online poll for 2015 ?

odomanis:
If you believe this story then, you can believe anything. There is no how this aircraft is going to take off like this. This picture must have been taken when passengers were still boarding. You can even see that the butts are still open because people are not done with putting their lug gages.

You are quite observant. The hand luggage compartment were still open. Airlines don't move unless they are closed. Two, even if in an impossibly extreme case, people had to stand, I am sure they wouldn't stand with their luggage still on their shoulders. Look at that guy in bright coloured shirt in the fourth pix, he had one luggage on his shoulders and another on his arm. He was in all likely disembarking

FastShipping:
Foolish Ribadu the town crier

I feel sad reading this. Ribadu, one of the heroes of the masses has fallen

These are not hard and fast rules. The application depends on context

It's an addiction, You can't unless he's also interested in changing. Professional help can come in handy too.

These nitwits are actors on and off the stage