₦airaland Forum

Sammmyyyy:
You have really valid points, actually, and I am sure she sees from your POV too.

Well, no one is pressuring you to marry. My stance is just that, while you wait, remember not to tie down a lady who isn't ready to wait with you with vain promises. Let her know from the scratch that you aren't ready, not at least in the next so so so years. Not that after 5 years of taking her through servitude, you'll now come out to tell her you aren't ready. That's what my post seeks to achieve.

Well, when i ask a girl out, i say would you be my girlfriend, I state my desire and leave it to her to agree or not. I do not tell her after two years of dating we would then get married. It is a girls prerogative to leave a relationship when her timeline for marriage does not fit the guys timeline. My point is marriage isn't the ultimate.

Do you know there was a study by durex that showed Nigerian women were the most unfaithful in the world? I think a big part of that report stems from the fact that Nigerian women will secure the bag of marriage before thinking of happiness. They end up pursuing happiness while married. The likes of Oprah and her partner have being together since 1986, as partners. Will Primadonna see an issue with that? Let me just state clearly that I would rather date a woman who has been in one relationship for 5 years than be with someone who has been in 10 relationships in 5 years because she keeps quitting after few months because the men aren't ready as Primadonna suggested women should do.

bottom line is when a woman finds the right man she should stick with him, have kids if she wants to. An unmarried baby mama and a divorced baby mama are both baby mamas. Marriage can end the exact same way a relationship can end.

Sammmyyyy:
You have valid points up there, honestly, and thank you for your honest submissions. Your last point there is what I will have to disprove, all the same . Me? Other people's relationships? You're mistaken alot. I have more than enough mangoes to fill my basket, talk more of ther people's issues. The only bond I mentioned in the write-up was mine, not anybody's.

Secondly, your notion of life, as that "... will count as a lesson to her in future." is ludicrously archaic. Some sacrifices are too weighty to bear, bro. Some lessons are best left unlearnt in life. For a naive lady who get deceived into commiting several abortions for her lover, and in the end, the young man jilts her when he discovers she cannot give birth anymore. Pray tell, what lesson can she learn there? And don't even say adoption or come with the rhetoric of "childlesness means nothing." Let's stop trying to sound western than the westerners themselves.

Well Sammmy, do you know there are women who never had an abortion in the past yet are childless? bottom line is life fvcks us all. You can do all the right things and still get knocked out by life. An example will be someone who mistakenly takes a lantern to pour fuel in the generator and get burnt vs someone strolling along the road innocently a tanker explodes and he get burnt. I also do not think any grown up lady can be deceived into getting an abortion, if a lady decides to get an abortion it is because she knows she isn't ready to have a child or she knows she can't afford to support the child alone. She chose to get an abortion for herself.

She can share her experiences with younger girls towing her path, that is the lesson. The same way women who didn't commit abortion yet are childless find children is the same way she would find children too. This isn't about been western, what else would she do? kill herself? she has to keep on living, learn from her mistakes and make better choices in future.

Primadonna,

Not every guy who isn’t ready for marriage goes clubbing every night, turn their heads at boobs or spend money like teenagers. There are upright guys who aren’t ready to marry. Let me use myself as an example;

When I started working, there was an opportunity open for assistant managers, the firm was opening a branch in India, an A.M would be offered 35% raise to go start up the Branch and be there for 6 - 18 months. The Person will earn Canadian dollars in India, accommodation provided etc it looked like a great opportunity to me, no A.M took the role. The major reason was they had families. That wasn’t a role I would have passed on even if I had a 2weeks baby or my marriage was just 3 weeks old.

The essence of my story is in Nigeria once a guy is working and a woman gets to her mid twenties they think they are ready to marry.

Three questions people should ask to determine readiness are;
1) Are you willing to sleep with only person for the rest of your life?
2) Are you ready to put someone else’s happiness over yours for the rest of your life?
3) Are you ready to forgive everything and anything?

Number 1 answer for me is yes. 2&3 are hell no. That’s why I’m not ready for marriage.

Sammmy,

1) You said you and the chick who came to spend the weekend at your place ‘will do all sort of things’ I interpret that to be making out, smooching? But you didn’t have sex with her because you didn’t want to hurt her boyfriend?

2) I thought only women pressured women into getting married, men are now joining the pressure gang? I think you should leave women matters for women.

3) You talk like women have an array of choices, they can just go to the market, point at a man who is ready to marry and take him home. The reason why women stay with men who are not ready to marry is the same reason men stay in dead end jobs, lack of options. If a better offer shows up they would leave.

4) There are lot of relationships far better than many marriages you see, is marriage the ultimate or happiness? A girl should leave a guy who cares about her, doesn’t cheat, great career, never hits her all in the name of searching for marriage? 90% of the time she won’t get such good deal elsewhere and after marrying someone else she will run back to his bed.

5) Lastly, learn to remove eye from other people’s relationships, you don’t know the half of it. Girls have the ability to weigh the pros and cons of their relationships, if the pro outweighs the cons they decide to stay but you only see the cons. Even if she’s being treated unfairly as you stated, it will count as a lesson to her in future. She knows what bad looks like now and she can do better with her next guy.

1) Self esteem boost. Screwing a married woman gives you the feeling that you are better than the woman’s husband. Women hardly cheat with someone beneath their partners standard.

2) No commitment relationship- eating your cake and having it. She’s married, not looking for a boyfriend, regular calls etc. You don’t easily get fwb situations with single girls, even if it starts she soon begin to want something more.

The message is if you don't want sex, stop wasting my time with chats and calls, i have other girls who wants sex.

Otiwaikuku:
Pls can you place their hits side by side,let's see how Timaya take have more hit tracks

All the songs on Timaya’s first album was a hit. By hit I mean the song made wave across the country. I don’t know of 5 Duncan’s song that were not collaborations. His songs also did not bang across Nigeria.

Some of Timaya’s hits Dem mama, cutlass, ogologoma, plantain seller, wata bam bam etc. Duncan’s PH first son, Dance for me.

Timaya has more hits but Duncan is a better, well rounded artiste.

Jeboy:
If you have treated her fairly, then you don’t have anything to worry about.
She will begin to appreciate you better if for any reason she didn’t do so in the past.

On the contrary if you haven’t been nice to her, fasten your seatbelt, the ride is about to get pretty bumpy.

Who is the judge of whether she’s been treated fairly or unfairly? Let me guess! She. One of the beauties of marriage is that it isn’t cast in stone, there’s an exit option. Your midlife crisis isn’t for me to manage.

If I marry a submissive woman and she does a 360 on me, the foundation on which the marriage was built is collapsed and the building can not survive.

Ngozi law is the female version of Okafor’s law, it states; A man once nacked can be reknacked at anytime, as long as he was nacked well. Scratch that, even if wasn’t nacked well. Even if he’s in a relationship or married because men are cheap.

They think they are champs but we just need someone to fulfil our desires without adding to our body count. The used thinking they are the user. Sisi Yewande at Mannabbq told me this.

Yes the law works because;

1) Women prefer sleeping with someone they have slept with before, that way there’s no increase in body count.

2) Women knows every guy wants the same thing, so instead of meeting someone new, going through the rollercoaster of loving and getting heartbroken, they rather go back to a known person.

At the end of the day it’s a win-win situation, you get excited you got to hit again (Okafor law), she’s glad her body count is still single digit (Ngozi law).

If you don’t marry her, she will tell her next boyfriend that she lost her virginity to rape. That will be her story and she will stick to it.

Find a way to chat with her, talk about what happened, make sure she agrees to the fact that she gave her consent then keep the chat for posterity sake.

Depends on what caused their issues. Most guys like to test their partners with space, break or breakup to see how their partners react. Maybe he wants her to apologize or show remorse for something she did.

He could also be done with her for real and just looking for an excuse to break up. So depends on how much she likes him, she can fight for the relationship or move it’s up to her.

The easiest way to get over a man is to get under another man. Enjoy the freedom singleness brings.

Why do you keep saying everybody knows? I heard about Tunde, Nuhu and Moyo for the first time three weeks ago when the story made it to social media.

From the initial accusations released by Tunde’s friends and Moyo’s counter there was nothing pointing to the fact that Tunde worked in FCMB, or that Nuhu gave them a duplex or that she was working in the bank before they got married not to talk of dating openly.

Except you know something we don’t know Tunde was a director of a micro finance bank.

Informing your mum is only courtesy. You are grown and you can do what ever you like. Tell her about the man like you are sure about what you want not like you are seeking her permission.

Just because Tunde died and was a victim of the story doesn’t mean he was a saint. There’s no way to know if Tunde slept with other married women or how many guys girlfriends he slept with.

There was a post about sleeping with married women created by one Skales, on that thread many guys indicated interest in doing same, many men praised him and called him Alpha.

I do wish Tunde rests in peace but this generation men and women we no dey try at all

Neither Moyo nor the bank MD committed a crime. If Moyo isn’t already a US citizen, this is her time to file for asylum. They won’t extradite her because extra marital affairs has never been a crime.

emorse:
Did you just say maternity test?

Yes I just did.

I thought about this too. Paternity and maternity test should be carried out on children at birth, this should be backed by law.

Just as routine test like genotype, blood group test, breathing test, hearing tests are carried out. This will stop child swap issues and paternity fraud.

Till this is passed into law every man has the sole responsibility to carry out the test as soon as the child is birthed.

nanauju:
Some of us didn’t have that privilege of receiving allowances from our parents but then we taught ourselves how to save from the little we earned

Keep it up Nne, your children will be privileged. I didn’t grow up on trust fund but I will set one up for my kids.

Richy4:
I didn't know there was an "alert" in the 90s'.... was it Nigerian banking system or abroad... just thinking allowed

Lol the same reason why ‘alert’ is in quotes. Cash alert lol.

Don’t leave your parent house till you are ready to marry boys or girls, except you are been chased out or your parents are problematic.

Never buy anything you can get for free.

eezeribe:
Why didn't your mum help your other siblings in saving their monthly stipends.... Or was she partial in her relationship with her other kids?

I was the only one who spent same night the money came, and I was the only one who spent on what she considered frivolity. If I had bought a wrist watch or a toy, she wouldn’t have gotten that upset.

[quote author=bukatyne post=97616047][/quote] Buka why you emphasize the Dad na? My dad really didn’t care about how we spent the money. The topic is really about how I cultivated the habit of saving and it’s all thanks to my mom and the suya experience.

NoLotty7:
Never been that lucky child at childhood.

You can make your children that ‘lucky child’ by the decisions you make now.

baralatie:
it is like you don't know how these women gbensh?
coook,nanny for where,how.if you know wetin cook and nanny dey do inside that house you will invite kgb to come and shoot people
bia regina go even arrange am so tey she go announce retirement.
regina is talking about premium gbenshing, you are talking about premium man.

Wo!
make God help us from falling into temptation o and deliver us from evil.

Samson for bible no be premium man nau,so why delilah trade his d.i.c.k for her money

Lol there are girls that will cheat even if you lock them in a basement, they will find a way. This ones are easy to identify and cut off Asap.

Now, there are good women who fall into temptations byvirtue of situations they find themselves. Some of them married as virgins, raised up right, even antisocial. These situations can differ, one of them being been constantly seeing and communicating with a particular person all the time.

You think Regina will risk losing Ned for premium gbenshing? You think before she said ‘I do’she didn’t weigh her options? She will risk driving a Lamborghini to go Bleep a dreadlock wearing guy she met on Twitter.

The only naija women who cheat on their rich spouse with someone lesser in means are women who have their own money. Again see why Nigerian men do not like their wives working?

mariahAngel:

If we had to collect all the money our mothers "borrowed" from us, we'd all be richer than Dangote.

surprisingly my mom always came through. She may not know the exact amount you have with her, she may give you less or more but she always have the money whenever you are ready.

Havesomesense:
were you in a relationship with a girl ?
and how did you cope ?

These days having a girlfriend is like having a hole in your pockets

I haven’t dated a girl that I took as responsibility. Asides gifts for special occasions, eat out once a while etc. I don’t even spend on myself talkless of girlfriend.

dawnomike:
Very good one... Saving and Investing

I saved so much as a kid... But mum would always borrow my money and never return it

You are correct. I focused on savings because it is when you have the money without things to spend on that you would think of investments.

Lol your mumcy la gangster. Before I left the country I moved all my funds to my mums account and I never bothered asking about it anymore. They deserve it anyway.

baralatie:
if regina isgbenshing will ned know?
he will not!
like you pointed that a man leaves his wife alone in the house for close to 8 hrs everyday leaves room for enough (30 minutes of gbenshing without the man knowing)

The problem will be there are cooks, nannies oin the house who would see Regina gbenshing, plus nosy neighbours. If Regina was going out to gbensh, she would at least communicate with the guy very often making it easier to get caught.

If she was nacking someone at work, they see themselves everyday no need for extra communication when she’s home, her co-workers also would not care about her family like neighbours would because chances are they don’t know her husband.

Lastly the chances of Regina seeing a premium man like Ned is reduced if she sits at home, at work she gets a wealthy client or her MD who is also in the financial bracket of Ned but better looking and charismatic has more potential in making her cheat than boys she sees on social media.

When I was growing up in the 90’s, my dad decided he would put his kids on a monthly allowance. This was in 1999, my allowance was 500 naira.

The first time we got the ‘alert’ was a Saturday evening, I quickly took out #50 for flexing, I headed to the aboki at the juncture to buy suya.

Now in 1999 suya price started at #10 for a sizeable portion, I bought x 5 of a sizeable portion. I went home anticipating how I would devour my suya before going to bed.

On getting home my mum asked ‘what did you buy’? I pulled the suya out of the plastic bag and she looked at me like I murdered two people. She would take me back to the aboki to question him on why he would sell #50 suya to a kid. Of course sliced suya could not be returned so we took it back home. She seized the suya, gave me the hottest abaras I ever received. I slept after crying.

The next morning she gave me the talk. Our conversation went this;

Mum: how much is your allowance?

Me: #500

Mum:How much did you spend last night?

Me: #50.

Mum: If you spend #50 every night how long will your allowance last?

Me: Ten days

Mum: If your dad spent his salary in ten days where will your allowance, pocket money and school fees come from?

Me: dumbfounded

She gave me back my now cold suya. Collected the remaining of my allowance, handed 100 naira to me for the rest of the month.

The next allowance, I took out #100 and handed #400 over to her and that would continue till I finished primary school. At my graduation my mum bought a BMX bicycle and a white trainers from my savings. I became the first child in my family to own an asset paid for from pocket.

When I got into secondary school, saving was already an habit. I remember my siblings coming to collect money for fuel and food from me, ‘we need fuel borrow us 1k daddy will refund you when he comes’. Some times my dad would owe me to the tune of 10,000 naira then refund me in lump sum.

When I finished serving, I had over #700,000 in my bank account all from savings. No income asides NYSC & PPA allawee.

Currently, I have saved about 90% of my salary since 2015, then using the lump sum for something good. When I bought my house in 2018 I had 46% in down payment, as against the customary 5%. I have never bought a car with bank financing. All these because I don’t spend on the things I don’t need.

That advice made a huge impact in my life.

Cultivate the habit of saving this new year. The flexing, the expensive vacations, hair cuts, fancy designers you pass on today will make a difference in your life in the long run.

Happy New year my peoples.

baralatie:
Wether you want to call it office romance or compound romance or church romance or mosque romance infidelity is infedility ad it can come in various forms and shades.
The thing is when these relationships result into childbirth that is been fathered unknown till a dna is carried or sickness.
I know of Aman who is father to 4 children in another married couples home.there is another one in anambra where the husband committed suicide because his wife 4 kids who are in university are not his or odartey lamprey whose 4 kids are not his.
Once a woman gets pregnant from another man to her husband (problem).
So saying a wife should not work because of Bleep will not hold .
Rather the man should pray that the wife should be shielded from the dip of the day.

All cases of the woman bringing a outsourced child into a marriage has the following
The husband in the house is not fertile as of yet
The husband is in a battle for the wife
The wife has problem with choice
The relationship comes with opposition

And so on and so forth

Lol I didn’t say a woman should not work. I said most Nigerian men do not like their wives working. Have you seen any wealthy man with a working wife? You think the likes of Ned Nwoko will let Regina go the 9 - 5 route?

A non working wife will not eliminate the chances of cheating, it however reduces it by far. The idea of seeing someone you like for 8 hours everyday increases the chances of getting entangled.