₦airaland Forum

Danremmy:
Good evening house.

I need to take a bold step on this, I already feel cheated, Please read and advise accordingly.

So I got a job at Allen ikeja, my late father house is at yaba where I stay, but due to shame of unemployment I had to take a bold step and leave home started living in a church at berger and continued my job hunting.

After I got a job, I moved back to our house at yaba. But it has really been a hell of living due to high cost of transportation daily.

I have a junior brother who is an airforce personnel, serves at Pwd ikeja. I told him my plight I would need to move him with him due to transportation cost which he grudgingly agreed to because his girlfriend stays with him.

Few days after I moved to his place, I can say it was even more hell than previous experience due to maltreatment from my lil bro and his babe. I mean before I go to work, I wash the plates everyone uses, I sweep and fetch water, like I basically do all house chores. I have my reasons why u do them because I know d kinda person this my lil bro is.

The days I forget to do the chores or I postponed it my bro is gonna challenge me when I get back from work why I didn't do the chores.

After two weeks, I had to leave his house and went back to our late dad's house to sleep, but I still left some of my clothes and belongings at his place. So yesterday after I closed from work and I got home, i met my lil bro at our house with mom.

We had some arguments, that led to exchanging blows btw us which my mom wasn't strong enough to separate but our tenants later came to separate us. He started insulting me and reminding me how I start in his house and my belongings are still there. He said if I didn't go to his house to take away my things that he was going to throw them out when he gets home.

But my mom asked me not to answer, that he was just saying those words due to the heat of the moment.

He later left and went to his house, only for his girlfriend to call me this morning that my lil bro had throw my bags out and burnt them. I can't even believe this till now.

That's my only property, I don't have any other clothes and he knows I only manage those clothes, including my shoes I wear to work.

I'm thinking of reporting him to air police(provost) , but I'm scared they might cover for him and lock me in guard room because he already dared me to try it.

Though my mom has been begging me to overlook it, but how can I? despite all this suffering. He still has d guts to treat me this way. I have nothing else to wear except this I'm wearing right now

Pls I need ur candid advise how I can deal with him though I know it won't bring back my stuffs but I don't just want to suffer in vain

Just move on with your life

Gradually you will pick up

He may be questioned for keeping you that long in his house and may face panel for that

He may come back to you and do the worst

You know him very well that him no send anyone

Let him deal with the guilts of burning your only personal effects in his house

ceejay80s:
Make una allow the man rest, he didn't kill his wife,
It's normal for u to come home find ur wife hanging, cut the rope ,bring her down and be on top to see if u can revive her, shey na under her he for dey?
Pray no such thing happen to u, then everyone will become cid for ur matter

Its not really possible that you see your spouse on suicide rope, you go ahead and cut the rope then shout for help

Who will believe you that she was on rope earlier

The best is to call for help as witness, so that you will have people around to testify that she was actually in that position

Besides that, the police are supposed to be the one cut the rope themselves

tallfish145:
message not clear

Ok, delete it

Pamfresh:
Please I need mature minds advise on this topic.
My family recently discovered that my younger brother who has been in the seminary and was supposed to be a reverend father in few years time has a very big gambling issue.

Over the years, he has accumulated a gambling debt of 2M (borrowed majorly from loan sharks). When I discovered about the incidence, I hesitated involving my retired dad and mum because of the shock they might get hearing about this but when I discovered I couldn't pay the debt alone, i had to involve them. Thank God they handled it calmly. My dad and I have offset 700k debts already but I recently discovered that he is still borrowing and betting even recently (someone that has access to his details revealed this to me today). I am totally devastated and I don't know how to relay this to my parents to avoid heart attack. The gruesome part of the whole story is that he is JOBLESS because of his seminary school journey (which he has willingly pulled out from because of this issue).

Please my fellow nairanders, how do I handle this problem? I'm fed up

This is a case of addiction
Where does he gets money for gambling

tallfish145:
My wife suddenly presented a non-original transfer of ownership of land brought in her name and in their town claiming it was a surprise. Now as a married man or about to get married, what would be your reaction if such is presented to you? Would you start developing on the land or shun it?
Remember the land was brought in her name and in their town( we are from different state)

Since she has the money to buy land in her place

I think you can still convince her to another land in the area you guys want to settle down

So that you can build and pack into the house to save rent

If she brings up the issue of the one she already have in her place

Tell her the city one is more important where you guys can know leave

She can as well sell that one to get the one in the city

But if she refuses, leave her alone

If you can save buy yours

HelpfulBro:
I'm a young man and still living with my parents and sisters. I earn some good amount of money and I'm doing okay for myself, I try as much as I can to help my family out with food stuff for example I've helped with 100k for food stuff from now till December and did a little things too like support my mom and help my dad but I'm very unhappy with my sisters and mom.


My sisters always verbally abuse me by insulting me when I don't do something for them and try to make feel guilty for not giving them what they ask for, when I try to set boundaries like what I don't like they tell me to shut up that I'm the junior that I'm talking rubbish

Just this Morning while I was still getting up with sleep in my eyes and praying they started banging my door that light meter has finished and I should come and pay but I was confused so I just didn't respond till I finished praying and came out. Before I did she was already shouting that they should leave me since I don't want to answer and she'll put #200 naira own if that what I want.

She injured her leg from the door while she was going out side to do it and now she's blaming me that I'm the reason why it happened to her, saying I'm still her junior and I don't have sense that why would I not answer her. I'm shocked and I told her how I'm I the problem and I just literally woke up, I just told them that I hate them and now she's insulting me more

I don't respond but I'm getting very angry at this and I'm looking for a way to leave the house and relocate, they are my older sisters and they don't even work or do anything but I don't say it to their faces but I don't see why they don't give me mutual respect at all

In all you wrote, you didn't mention the action your parents are taking towards this dirty attitude of them

Well if you fell that you have had enough

Start looking for your own accommodation

By the time you pack out of that house they will know your worth

You dont need to argue with them

Just take all of them by surprise

Gwin007:
Good day nairalanders.. please I need advice on what to do.. am married with three kids, 5, 3 , and a year old.. I own a bussines.. but for now my bussines is down, the has been very good and lucrative.. but due to lack of capital to invest more on it. It was now shaking.. but the thing now is that.. I have the capital to invest on the bussines.. but now am saying should relocate abroad with the money and leave my 3kids and wife back home or invest on the bussines.. cus am traveling with a tourist visa and it’s a Europe country and I don’t how long it will take to get my papers over there please Nairaland I really need ur opinion not make future mistakes

Thanks

I think if your wife is working or trading

Leave them behind and go
Before one year you will fix yourself into something

Tourist visa is just six months

Hopefully you will get something doing there no matter how small it will still be better than here

OLAADEGBU:
Daily Mail

He knows his condition, he should have married a Virgin

Yougotire1:
I was referring to Compass1717 with that write up and I quoted him/her. Compass1717 made a comment yesterday on the thread about the OPs plight and only came out to apologize today after the OP had posted evidence. Please read through again, unless you are saying you are compass1717 , I never said you wrote rubbish. Abi am I dreaming?

Alright

Skyview01:
Nor vex abeg!

You did not type rubbish

Lol

Compass1717:
Hmmm.
@OP, I am very sorry about what I said yesterday about your plight on this thread. I am deeply sorry. There's so many scam these days it's hard to detect who is genuine. You have picked yourself up from the lowest of lows and by that you are a man. I agree with what aarmhed said. Please post your account number and I'd send my little to help you stand. I will also do like Yougotire1 and tag some persons to come through for you.
Any one in Port Harcourt can help us verify this EmPius19 though I see all the evidence he posted tallies. Damn!.

MS2471 Mhizzard Stevenbright conquistadores fyzaila yougotire1 Kobojunkie SkyView01 frozen70 please let us throw our weight around this guy. Na man him be.

It will take me nothing to credit the OP account
But for @Yougotire1to say I typed rubbish

Let him alone finance the OP

Yougotire1:
SMH.
You said too much rubbish. That's the reason we need to be careful how we throw words no matter what. All the same, he already posted his account number. I asked for it yesterday and I did my little. I'm hoping other good hearted Nairalanders reading the post can reach out to support him too. I like it when people refuse to stay down. There's a thread on front page of a woman going through same schizophrenia and her husband has refused to touch her in years and even left. OP God bless you Sister honestly. Help is coming don't worry.

It take a foolish person like you to read a rubbish post

Do you know how many people I have credited their accounts here

Or are you in collaboration with the OP to solicit for money

If you don't know frozen70 search for it

Jozilinn:
Good evening nairalanders, just wanted to share this with this because I just don't know the reply to give at this moment,well is it possible for a man to be promoted, start collecting money and extra income without telling his wife for five years.
Now my cousin sister was telling me about how she is going to cope till March because expenses are too much on her, hence she's isn't seeing money to save and start up another life, with her kids, to crown it up her husband is always complaining of money and feeding for the children is now on her...three cups of rice eat afternoon and evening for 4 including him,even a dog can't eat to be okay,now she's keeping fast just so the children can eat and the man is the one monitoring the feeding to make sure nobody eats more than twice in the house. Now the most shocking revelation came when he was paid that day he was complaining bitterly so much, only for her to hear that they have been paid through someone else then she came to confront him he didn't say anything... now the issue that is causing problem and the man wants to throw her out of the house for it is this,he got promoted, with a new amount infact she thought he was earning below 60k only for her to discover he's earning above 100 k. She got so weak, she asked and he denied later he started asking how she knows about it, that the money is his,he can do whatever he wants he doesn't want to tell anyone,I am just plying everything up so that those family members won't start saying what they don't know at all, how would anyone do this to his wife and kids. Anyways since it's better without him, when she comes, she is saying she wants to report so that she would be receiving half of it for the welfare of the children is it possible, because she's really overdoing it school fees everything on her,at least she can start up something plus what she has saved by then she wouldn't care about the money again... what do you guys think or should we just leave him for God. And she should leave with her kids alone please your opinion is needed.

No need for her to report this man to any one
Let her deal it out with him at home

Worst case he will ask her to pack out

Let her tell him that they need to discuss about family responsibilities

She should remind him that he is supposed to carry his load and not leave it all on her

That the man should take over feediyamd rent while she takes over school fees

If the man refuses to let her feed her children alone, let that roof fall down, by then people will gather and the man will be the one to expose himself to them

She should stand on her feet that she will be paying school fees

Which kind wicked man like this wants to frustrate her into depression

Marriage is not before naw

EmPius19:
Tnnk you so much sir for your kind words

Ma'am pls
You are welcome

okomi562:
My friend recently got a job in one of the top banks in Nigeria.


I am happy for him. He did not tell me but I asked him for financial help but he said he is in training school. I got to know blah blah.


I am also a recent graduate with no work but I am teaching now.

I am happy for him, I congratulate him.

But yesterday, I felt sad because I thought when will mine come.

I just felt tired. I have seen far friends hitting success but it hurts when close pals get it. Like you begin to question did I get it wrong. Not that it pains me no. I begin to think of my plans too.

I am happy for him, I will not lie.

Am I jealous? Or is it normal?

I am here to learn.

So I can correct my self

Your time will come
God's blessings come to use at God's time

Dont be surprise yours will come with a big difference and better occupation and position

Stay positive

Samantha124:
What kind of a birthday gift can I get for an 8 years old boy? My nephew will be turning 8 soon and I want to get him a gift.

The boy is just a simple type of a child.

Take him out to buy clothes and snickers shoe for him

Though depending on your budget

jsp0:
I caught her cheating on me and i broke up with her, although she have begged me but no



since yesterday i don't have appetite,I'm very moody and sad, i have headache, having suicidal thoughts

please how can i move on fast please

seun mynd44

You must move on else you will never love again

Heart breaks are part of the disadvantages of trusting someone in a relationship

Next time, love with caution and make use of just 50% incase it happens again, the other 50% will cushion the effect on you

EmPius19:
So I went to a laundry shop in the estate to be working and learning. I initially thought I can save something and buy Washing machine, set up my place then use that go to school. Thank God my sister is now going to church and looking for another work. She say she don't want to do those work that cause her debts again so she is doing other training to change work. I'm happy that she is trying to pick up again.

Back in the new laundry place I'm working, what I was expecting is not what I was thinking. they pay me 200 a day and 400 on Saturday. If I come back home I and my sister will just manage it to buy like cassava and groundnut eat and sleep.

As a man, I know that this can not work like this. I don't have big uncles or aunties to advise me. It's now looking like how will I stand on my own if I continue like this. I wrote JAMB this year for the first time in 9 years but I had to leave it cus no money to process it. The year has ended. I go to buy things and I will ask my sis why things are so cost she will say it's because of dollars. Please someone should advice me.
I did one year Tech course, I learnt screeding though it's been long I did that type of work, I'm getting better in laundry services, I still must go to school. How would I stand as a man with all this?. If not that our landlord came to shout, I did not know we are owing since this year start. I cannot sit and things will fall and my sister will be feeling hopeless. I want to do something like a man. Sometimes our neighbors will say You are a man, do like a man.
Please you people should give me advice and motivation and point me in the right path based on my story, is there hope for me?, I have lost time. Did you ever bounce back after a long illness or lack?. what should I do?, Where do I start to put my life together again?.

Moderator pls help me push it to front page pls.

So far you are still breathing don't give up in this life

This are my advice to you

For now, forget everything about schooling, stop doing Jamb and waste money when you can't afford to school

As for your sister, she is a mother and a wonderful woman

Find any casual work a d add to your laundry business, you will bounce back by God's grace

Lastly, you guys have to break the curse of family instability in your life so that now you guys have found your bearing, you will not fall back to that crazy situations again

nairalanduser23:
I am tired of my wife's quarrelsome behaviour which I think she reserves for me. I can be having a honest conversation with her and out of nowhere it will lead to a quarrel with her. It surprises me.

Strange enough, I have observed her communication with neighbours, work colleagues and she knows how to compose herself but when it is me even a funny comment can upset her. Even when I tell her I didn't mean her negative interpretation of a comment, she will still insist on her negative interpretation.

She sometimes talks to me in a way that seems unfriendly to the point that I desire her talking to me the way she talks to outsiders. I have talked to her about it but it is not helping matters. She acts like she is not ware of her tone but there is a stark difference between how she talks to me and other people.

I earn far more than her and take care of the house bills so money is not an issue. I feel like I am the only one proactive about peace in the marriage while she is care-free.

How can I deal with this?

You have to keep telling her to her hearing so that the day you will take your final decision

Nothing can change your mind from it

Samantha124:
It was their first meeting... But wait, is an introduction a ceremony there?

Yes introduction is as important as the main traditional marriage

princeemmma:
At a very young age my parent divorce, i was 5years old my brother was 6 months then, my mum left without looking back, that made life very uneasy for me and my brother, unfortunately my brother got a little bit lucky (he was took in by my dad sister) so as for me, living with one family members or the other but finally i start living with my grand ma when i was about 15, but grand ma is fond of swearing and all sort of abuse, thats when i met this friend of mine, he live very close to my grand ma's house and one way or the other the relationship got very good and i started staying with them, (me, my friend, his mom, and his younger brother) in a room, the mom was not bothered about feeding us. During the holidays we do petty jobs like, labourer at bricklayer site, block industry, water factory, any job we lay our hands on we do it so as to help reduce the workload with the mother. We got to meet someone who introduce us to church, we start living a good christian life and things started going smooth.

To cut the story short i was ahead of them in education, i finished my secondary school, they are still school. unfortunately an offer came for me to study computer software and hardware in an institute which i went for, that led to cut in ties with them.

After a long year, i met them today, this morning.. but to my greatest surprise my friend has a plaited hair (like that of women, very dirty and untidy) and the brother (boy) has about 4 waste bids on him.. they look high on drugs early in the morning on Monday.. i felt really bad and unhappy about the situation i met them, because i feel indebted to them, for taking me in and offering help

Now my problem is how do i help them, have ask people for advice some feel i should just let them go, because they are different person now.. but some feel i should help them

The problem is that am not financially buoyant to help them in anyway, because i work under an institution where my salary can only sustain me and my family (of 2 kids)

My question is this:
Should i help them?
Should i just ignore?
how do i help them?

i will appreciate any advice from you guys

I. Think they have choosen the part of life they want to live

For you to rehabilitate them which is exactly what they need will take you lots of money and time to do so and after that stabilize them and fix them up

I don't know how capable you are financially

In my opinion, I think you should visit their mum and greet her and check what she does for a living

If she needs financial support for her businesses or she wants to start something doing, just fund her or use the money to pay for her goods directly

She is the one feeling the pains and Shame of her children lifestyle
So give that help to her

uchem2000:
Nairalanders please help me suggest for me and my family members to this issue..
My elder brother of 48 years old ..
He is a widower..
He lost his lovely wifef our years ago to breast cancers..
The death really pains him and our entire families because both him and his wife were the back bone of our family..
He has been training his kids alone..
And the first child and a daughter is now sixteen..
She is assisting in family work ..
Our brother call all of us last month to tell us about his plan to marry his old girlfriend who he did not marry because our late mother told him not to marry her.he did so because he loved our mother so much..
The girl got married to another man as soon as our brother did his wedding....
Now the Lady quitted the marriage because his husband is a terrible womanizer.. She has caught the man twice with a woman in their matrimonial bed...
She has been alone even before our brother lost his wife...
Our family is confused on whether to support the marriage or not..
I need a good advice please

At thus point, I think you guys should support your brother to marry her because he ever wanted her but your mum rejected her

Now he needs a wife, he should be allowed to choose whoever that will make him happy and also make the children happy

The choice is his not your family to decide who he will marry in this circumstance

Samantha124:
Has your wife's family ever turned down your bride price and said that it was small? Did you go back to save more money or you had to borrow it from family members?

Reason I'm asking this is because my sister's boyfriend finally decided to do an introduction yesterday... He and his family had already set a date to come and pay for the bride price, which is next month... But my family turned him down and said the dowry was too small... They even fined him and his family for being late because they were supposed to show up at 8am, but they came at 11am.

My family went to the extent of telling him to stop rushing into marriage if he's too broke, that he should go back and save some more because the amount he wants to pay can't help plan for a wedding.

I kinda felt bad for the guy... If I was him, not only was I going to feel emasculated, I'd be very embarrassed.

So, nairaland men, have you guys experienced the same thing and is it common in Nigeria for a bride price to be turned down?

This question shouldn't be directed to men alone

Bride price is always negotiated on that day not in advance

When your inlaws are seated, the father and his family takes the inlaw aside and they will negotiate the price, which is basically a commitment for marriage not that she is for sale

Then if the father makes an offer and the man can afford it, he will come back to the gathering that this is what he is taking as bride price and the suitor will make the payment to the witness of all

So for your inlaws bride price to be rejected means that there was no discussion about it in the first place

And he offered what he can afford which her dad rejected

To me it's a humiliated attempt and it's going to affect the entire both family relationship and to the pains of the wife to be

Handsomejok:
I had done everything for the marriage to work but all my effort were in vain because my wife refused to amend which she had made it clear to me that after our first separation she did came back to me because she had nowhere to stay with the children and I keep having reccuring dreams of her wanting me dead since she is not ready to work on the marriage and I had decided to put an end to the marriage for the sake of our children I will not send her packing neither will I take custody of the children I will let her and the children to stay in the rented house and I will move out of the house and I will be sending upkeep money 15k every month I hope I had made a good decision for my own sanity ?

You did well, but try and make sure you pay the children school fees directly to the school and keep the receipt

But I don't know how long you will intend to keep paying that rent before they will be kicked out

I think you should just let the family know that you are done with their daughter, it's necessary

Pay a year rent for their accommodations and inform her and the landlord that after the one year rent that you will not be able to renew the rent

By this she will start making plans for alternative accommodation if she can't really afford the current one

These days, marriage is no longer what it use to be

If you don't find peace, just walk away peacefully

Dainy1:
But why?
Once she starts providing everything for the family, the se.xua.l attention becomes zero.

What's your opinion about a woman working hard to feed the family and depriving her husband intimacy?

Especially in a situation where she sees her man as a lazy man who is not putting on more effort to take on his responsibilities.

Does it mean she don't feel Hot some times as well?

Let me not say what is in my mind, because this table will just break

edunaragold:
exactly my point,now even if I go back for my child,first they will mock me, second they will tell me they have spend 1m for the baby,I should refund it back ,it's just a way so I can't take the baby back.for me I have told her , because she knew this Baby loves me,she acted Crue,they want me to come and be begging or see how my emotions are,for just a daughter,I can't ,I learni from my late dad that something u need to die with your stubbornness ,rather than let a wife dictate for u.i told her u have my child,but I alone knows were I bury the placenta.i hope u knew the meaning of my parable abi.,they no wan do again ni because they felt I don't have money .

Dont worry about your child, she will look for you when the time comes

And by then, you don't need to pay a penny

But till then, just send anytime you have to fulfill your duty as a man

Carmartng:
Sponsored Post

I thought you were referring to Toyota Keke
Brand new one

PureFace1:
How many Yoruba women do you know ?
You people generalize like a fool

You just commented like a fool

edunaragold:
. They invited me,but I never went , because my wife done see me finish,yet I wonder can I keep that kind of wife again,even if them settle us,I think she has show me her really characters.whats there to continue again,and why do they want to see me,when the wife dose not want any more.i paid pride price .

Well just move on, no one is guaranteed of a happy marriage

Diligent1:
Tell your sisters to close legs for men until they do traditional right on them.
Don't support hypocrites

Tell your Yoruba brothers to stop looking for free Igbo women

Anyi ejiro Otu eme oyi

Weneda:
A friend of mine is really confused on wether to go to federal Marriage Registry or Local Government Marriage Registry for his court wedding. Though i heard the matter was taken to court. Lawyers in the house, which place to go?

Both are good but federal is more recognized both in and outside the country for future use

ibechris:
Whether u guys collectively hate igbo women or like them...if I die today,I am sure my igbo wife will do everything in her stead to keep my legacy.

I love my igbo wife.

They are intelligent,smart and beautiful.

Igbo women are strong willed and do help their men to grow my wife is a case in hand.

Thank you for this input, am sure you have already paid your dues in marriage that's why you are experiencing peace with your Igbo wife

Yes they hustle and support their husband's unlike the Yoruba women that hardly supports their husband because they know that he may have another secret wife else where