Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).
I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.
My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).
Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).
Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.
However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.
At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.
Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?
NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.
Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??
If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k
I think you should allow her to keep applying and get a job for herself
She wants to be independent and self reliance
Give her a trial, all you will need is an extra hand to watch over the kids
But she may change attitude once she gets that challenge of working under some one and being able to provide for her self, maybe it could be caused by work stress
Tetrisbiz: I never wanted to do this and this is a very embarrassing situation but I need help from nairaland users.
I have an older brother in his early 40s. Since I was a child till this very moment, this person has been a torn on the flesh of my parents and the family in general.
Sometime in 2020, with the help of my elder sister's husband ( the HR) we were able to find a job for him as a supervisor in a factory and then I and my immediate elder brother (another sibling of mine) contributed money and rented an apartment for him in Lagos and then bought some property to furnish the apartment. To our surprise, my elder brother starting forcing his sexual advances on junior female workers and if any of these girls reject his advances he would start threatening the girls that he would get them fired with the help of the HR (My sister's husband). Forunately my sister's husband found out what was going on and rejected my brother's request for the female workers to be sacked. This started a war between my elder brother and my sister and her husband.
My elder brother eventually left that company (note he wasn't fired he LEFT by himself) and went back to the village. When my father heard this he almost collapsed as he knew the trouble that was coming his way.
Since he returned to the village he started assaulting my parents and I had to send money (about 400,000) back to Nigeria for him to rent a flat just so he could leave my parents alone. My brother stayed in that apartment for 3 months then started fighting his landlord and then told his landlord he couldn't stay for the year and demanded some part of his rent back,he took his rent, returned to the village and picked up from where he left by fighting my father ( a very old man). Its so bad that my father sometimes leaves the house (The house that he built as a family house) and stays outside for hours before returning home.
Please do we have restraining order laws in Nigeria and is there a particular police division in the Nigerian police or legal system that can be used to address an issue such as this?
I'm tired and I'm considering taking a drastic and extremely aggressive decision to resolve this situation once and for all.
He will soon commit an offense that will lead him to jail
Where he will suffer and those people he is tormenting will have peace
"I am a Nigerian student living in Scotland, A Nigerian Christian guy got in touch with me via WhatsApp and asked for a relationship, saying he got my number off a church whatsapp group that I haven't been to for almost a year now. He said he's prayed about me and God has told him we are good to go. He is a student too. I was single at the time and haven't been with a Christian brother before, so I decided to give it a chance. It's roughly 2 months and I am at the point where I want to quit.
We got talking on the platform and also through calls, about a week into our relationship/talking stage he asked me to come to his place and cook for him so he can have enough food for the coming week. I was surprised because we hadn't even seen each other at that at time. I told him I cannot, he made a big deal out of it and said stuff like it's not a big deal for me to do that as his wife to be. We got over that and arranged to see for the first time, he suggested my house and I said I don't feel comfortable with either of us seeing for the first time in our houses and we finally concluded on a Bugger King outlet which isn't far from my house. This didn't go well with him tho.
We met for the first time and talked, after that he said he wanted to know my place as it isn't far from Burger King. He came to my place and stayed in my bed till around past 10pm, he tried touching and kissing, I told him I wasn't comfortable and he needed to leave because of time. He got annoyed said his intentions was to stay over at my place, he already told his housemate he isn't coming back home and it's so late now to go back. I told him I cannot allow him sleep at my house for the first time we're meeting, I have a small single bed and you intentionally didn't even say you'd sleep over before. He grudgingly left and dropped 3 packs of youghurt and a bag of unfried chips which I later discovered where all expired at the time he dropped them.
I told him about it and he made a mess out of the situation. He attends a pentecostal church and critisizes other churches, he doesn't really believe in adult taking responsibility for their actions as the devil is most likely responsible for everything, we simply have to pray against the devil. He's asked for sex multiple times in less than 1 month, I stopped talking to him one time for about 2 weeks and we picked up again. He said he doesn't have to penetrate, we can do every other things to satisfy our flesh. He said doing all that with him is the proof of my love for him which I have strongly disagreed. Sex isn't a prove of love, we are adults and can have protected sex with anyone without loving them. The only single thing I enjoy about him is that we communicate well, he talks a lot too and that makes our communication half argument, he finds fault in any little thing and blows it out of proportion. I have told him I don't have strength for argument in marriage since we won't be arguing over minute things that get him pissed off now.
Both of us have been getting multiple 12 hours night shifts from work and two nights ago, he asked me what he was going to eat when he gets home the following morning, I knew he was up to something. I told him I can't say, we don't live together and I don't know what you currently have at home. I suggested he buys bread on his way back home. He then asked me to cook for him to eat the following morning, I sincerely let him know I have no soup or stew myself. His response changed and he later called me on same subject, citing how I don't care enough about him to be concerned about how he is gonna eat since he's been working few nights now, he compared himself to a married man that always brings food to work at his workplace. Even gave the guy his phone to talk to me, that one too said I should do things in my power to make my man happy.
I tried to make him understand he isn't married and it might be difficult to enjoy what his married frnd is enjoying. Youve never bought me foodstuff, you haven't worked before and sent me 50 pounds or less for groceries, we are both working night shifts and I sort my own food, why are you angry I can't make out time out of my rest period to come cook at your house to stuck your fridge?
I have been in relationship where I cooked, I personally enjoy cooking, but I have never been with a man that feels to entitled to me doing that for him. He says I'm supposed to be the one cooking for him. He also believes in women abroad sharing bills, but he is too traditional to share house chores"
That guy is actually in a hurry with everything that is sorrunded in that relationship
charles009: Folks, in a few days I will be leaving for Lagos . I currently live in Enugu, amazing city. I can move my family, but Wify advised the kids stay back in Enugu for at least another year to enable me settle. For the first time since I got married 7 years ago, I will be leaving my relatively young family behind. I love my children to bits and immensely enjoy every second I share with them. Our bond is so strong. The feeling of staying a day without my babies is completely indescribable. Although I intend to visit Enugu at least once weekly.
Guys please encourage me.
You want to visit once a week, how many days are in a week
You are relocating to make life easier if not you will not be leaving them behind
If you will be missing them, plan for them to come this Christmas, Easter and long vacation to spend that time with you
Give yourself one year and they can relocate to you, by then you would have gotten a school for them
LewisHamilton15: Last week I proposed to my long time girlfriend and fiancee and she accepted me.
We discussed a whole range of topics and we are convenienced that we can live our lives together. But one thing we disagree on is the issue of house: she said we must build a house together before settling down but I suggested we tie the knot and live in a rented apartment before planning to build our personal house but she insisted we must build.
She said we will contribute money to build together, she won't leave me alone in the project. She even suggested withdrawing her savings of #250, 000 so we can buy land. I have the money and apart from my daily hustle I have other side businesses that springs me money occasionally.
I want to settle down as soon as possible but she cited the problems that comes along with living in a rented apartment. I really wish to settle down but this lady won't agree.
I don't want to cause problem between us so how do I go about convincing her?
I am still wondering if the 250k is for half plot or full plot
If the 250k if for foundation or omonile settlement
If that same amount is for family receipt or Deed of agreement
Now are we talking about cement that a bag is 5200
Or a block that is 300 for 6" block and 9" block
House is not something you will just wake up one morning and start doing foundation without proper planning
I think both of you should go and search for a land in your choice area, know the cost and how their Omonile operate their charges
Set out plans for how many blocks, sand, cement and granite that you need
Then add the cost of labour
As for architecture, you can sketch what you want and give to an architect to turn it into drawing
When you find the cost of all these with her
Then ask her again wgat she wants
House or wedding
Maybe by then she will give you an answer that will make sense
Israel5: I have just been informed by neighbours from my house in my home town that my tenant was burnt to death by people in the environment. They almost burnt my house too but for some interventions. They ransacked the entire house, burn any item they could find, cutting down trees and pulling down doors.
He was accused of stealing and selling children. Four children have been reported missing. He confirmed it, only that they can not be recovered. That was before they meted jungle justice on him. He was survived by a wife and four children. The family are in police custody now. All his properties brought out and set on fire. As I write, I am in shock right now. I can't travel there. All the while this devil told me he deals with Rice and other food items. He usually comes to Abuja to sell his items, asking to visit my house but for some reason I refused to let him. I have never him physically though. I thought he was a good man, how that he helped secure the property. It was after his death yesterday, I got to find out that he rented other rooms to some students and was collecting rent. Unfortunately, the properties of these students were burnt too. Not my problem.
I have contacted a property lawyer, and sent him there. He confirmed the incident, but asked me to sell the entire property.
Is that the right call? Seeing that the people see the house as bad omen now. Please what do I do? Am I going to be implicated? I don't know the devil.
How can living in a rented apartment and kidnap children affect the property, so far the children were not murdered and buried there
Well if you sell the property, what do you intend to do with the proceeds
Do you have intension person of buying property soon
I think that's the only reason selling the property will make sense
ADURA123: Good evening fellow NL members, My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.
I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating. Her qualities are She can cook She can keep the house clean She can manage resources And she is accommodating to my people In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.
My qualities are I work and earn like about 700k net a month. I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of. I don't drink or smoke I don't keep late night and I am the best friend to her and my kids. Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her. I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her. I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.
My decision between now and December is 1 Avoid asking her for lobe making 2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything 3 when she comes close I avoid her. 4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back
Is there anything more I can do for her? Advice me pls... Pls mods should help me run this on FP
You have tried, but I don't think sex alone is enough reason to divorce your wife
Think about tomorrow
Think about those children
Think about how disarranged things will be
Honestly, go and get a mistress or side chick and operate outside
You can even rent an apartment for yourself and shuttle both apartments
What if you get another woman who pretends to be good so that you put a ring on her and tomorrow, she becomes worst
Will you leave that second woman to go to the first one Or will you leave the second woman and go for the third one
And on and on
Your dad gave you that advice because he wants to teach you how to be faithful, but now as it is and as the situation is Get a side chick if sex is the problem
What will you compromise your children with in this world, nothing, honestly
efelicity: I live with my mother, a single mother, since I lost my dad over a year ago and we haven't been having issues until recently The problem with my mother is that she wants to remarry but I never wanted that because she planned to move in to the house my father built. After a heated argument, she claimed the house as hers but I rejected! I didn't stop her from marrying any man but what I am against is moving the man into my father's house. More to that, she planned to open a business for her husband to be on my father's land. I know the consequence of allowing that to happen: he will later claim the land. Since my mom met this man she stopped treating me like a son. One of her sisters told me that the man was disturbing my mom to send me out of the house so he can move in asap. When I approached my mom with this, she cursed me because she believes I'm against her will. How do I prevent this man from taking what belongs to me?
At this point, you are a potential threat to the man and you need to be careful
I think you should report your mum to her family or welfare. All you want is for her to put that house on rent and both of you can share the rent money
Let them know that you are not interested in who she wants to marry but that house belongs to both of you and you don't want a situation where by some will come and claim that house that uoir dad built
Meanwhile, whatever curse she puts on you, tell her to her face that, the curse will not hold because you have not done anything to warrant that
Sonofconsolatio: Happy day family I've been a ghost reader on nairaland for almost 12 years now. Favourite section is the literature section . Matter of fact, I found nairaland while searching for novels online. Literature landers would recall when the likes of Audrey Tims and her ilk held sway(great moments) To cut to the chase, I'm an introvert but very adventurous. I discovered that I got these hyperactivity from my mum. Now in her late forties,my mum is still vivacious and adventurous but the problem is her visual capabilities. She can do a lot of things like soap making,tailoring and business (buying and selling) but you would agree with me that, you can really do little with a bad eyesight. Please my people, which other ways can I engage my mum maximally since she really needs her eyes to do the other things I listed above. I believe she can still see very well again. Some doctors suggested we fly her to India where she can receive expert medical treatment but, owo mi ti kekere. This woman pampered and prayed for me even when doctors and friends wrote me off. My heart really bleeds for her because I feel she is in pains psychologically though she acts fine most times. There are days when she sees a bit clearly and other days when it seems like a fog is covering her eyes. Please Nlfp,Dominique,justwise, help me move this to the front page. Mama is emotionally distraught.
What exactly is the problem of her eyes, Is it cataracts If yes it can be operated upon
dawnomike: Go and build on your land and rent it out. Then proceed to save up more money to buy land on the Island if you do wish. You can buy from all these estates where you get to by on installments
wineconnoisseur: Please house I will be glad if anyone can advise me on what to do. I live here in Ikota Lekki in a rented house but I have 1 acre dry land at the back of yotomi estate at ofada/ owode egba side that I bought long time ago and now worth 2.5m per plot. I’m not used to living in an undeveloped area because of security reasons although there are many underdeveloped estates around my land and good road network. My problem now is that I don’t know if I should go develop my land or use that money I was supposed to use to develop my land to buy another land here on island and leave it till I have resources to build it, because the price of this land on island will build a palatable 6 bedroom duplex on my land at ofada. I’m just confused which one to go for because I can’t keep living in a rented house and my work doesn’t stop me from living anywhere because I’m self employed and own my business.
You are already used to living in the island
I think you should buy land on the island
Sell the o e you have at Mowe, add to the proced and start something on the new land you bought
If you buy land and leave it for long, they may sell it and relocate you to a place you will not like
In a nut shell, settle on the island and do away with Mowe
NOC1: My friend who said he will never use the Blue rail line used it yesterday, met dude at our BRT terminal today, he openly said "o boy I used the rail, odikwa amazing" I laughed at him.
If Lagos can get their infrastructures right, it will be a great place to live. Highrise residential house should be considered in lagos, lands are so scarce
Pls who knows the best place to board the blue line train
Taking off time and landing time
Cost of transportation
Do they operate Saturdays and Sundays
I want to have an experience of it on a Saturday or Sunday
Prettycute90: Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him. I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives. Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler. No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble. Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself. My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work. Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy. I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house. We had two children and I don't intend having any other. The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much. School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him? During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me. I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
If you continue enduring this sheet you will get more depressed
Meanwhile that marriage has not been working because he vehemently refuse to contribute financially and does not support house chores
He is just complacent with himself the way things are
If you are not getting yourself again and it's affecting your mental being
Just move to your parents house let him stay there for the time being
A nursing mother can't be nursing a child with a depressed state of mind
Alternatively, ignore him and see yourself living as a single mum
But the moment he becomes violent just pack out and save your life
The issue is that you are opportuned to work where you are defrauding your company and no one is putting a check on you as you do virtually every thing on trust
So just make sure you cover your tracks or foot print
But flexing with the proceeds and not doing anything reasonable with it makes it a stupid act
NaijaRealtor: 1. Right from when she was about three years old, she would always pray for me to make it so she can come stay with me.
2. Been married for like 7 years and we have 3 kids. My wife was on my neck to bring my niece to come stay with us so she can assist with helping to look after the kids once they all return from school.
3. Because I know how many ladies treat children that aren't theirs, I refused to bring my niece over. So after much pressure from my wife, I approached my sister and her husband and pleaded to allow me train her as she'd always prayed.
4. Weeks after her arrival, my wife started complaining about her attitude and stuff. I refused to yield to my wife's suggestions that I take my niece back. It almost caused quarrel between us.
I felt it was too early to judge her. She's just 12 years old.
Her Attitudes:
A. She would fold and keep pants stained with my 1 year old poop in the laundry basket until it starts bringing out maggots, then we would search the whole house for the source of the foul smell until we find it and throw away affected clothes, disinfect the house and all.
B. She, yesterday wiped my 6 years old son with iron buckle on the belt and his head nearly burst open. He complained of severe headache and we are still treating him.
C. Final straw was, while we were in the office today, my 6 years old started to throw up. He was sick. This girl just laid on the couch and instructed a 6 years old to go fetch the broom, mopping stick and packer to clean the mess.
My son was very weak, but he went to fetch these items and cleaning the vomit. Because he was very sick, he kept on throwing up and cleaning at the same time. All these while, this girl laid there relaxing until my wife came home and washed my son up and cleaned the floor.
When I came back this evening and learnt about the stuff, I quietly asked her why she'd behaved like that and she said it was nothing.
I really don't know whether to let her stay while I try to coach her or take her back to her parents I seriously need advice.
Sorry for the long epistle.
Just take her back to her parents let peace reign in your house
Next time she talks about house help, let her handle it herself
Meanwhile both of you don't need a house help, you guys can sort it out
Balkony11223: Hello.I delivered that baby 1 year ago.He doesnt love her.He plans to mary me but he doesnt love me and the second chuld too.My first child i also canot say he loves her.He never spend time with us he is always going to see his friends and i dont even know when he is coming back home.I sugested him many times that i go back to my country that we separate but he says he wont let me go with kids!!!!I canot continue to be his slave anymore!!!The money he receive from government for kids he is not giving me any!
Ololade4: Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..
It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.
So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now. Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future . As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...
But she... What is she up to??
Women are full of drama
The registry favour's her more than you
But he refusal is what i don't understand and she is giving you a bad signal
I think you can do the engagement in a very low key, very low let it hurt her feelings
In that engagement, pay her bride price
Then after that just forget and ignore the main marriage and registry stuff
Dont bring any of the above as a topic
Any time she reminds you of the traditional wedding and th I rest, tell her that you are waiting for her to be ready for registry
Just stop at that point
When she now makes up her mind for the registry, tell her to go to any registry ans make enquiries and get back to you
So by the time she starts it was if they need your attention, you go with her If your attention is not needed yet but payment can be made then on the date it was slated for Both of you can come, good and fine
Meanwhile pay the registry money let her follow up with the processing
We must learn not to allow people put us in a tight corner
That registry will be very important especially her that will do change of name or present it where needed for her
Most times, they don't ask me of marriage certificate But often times they ask women
Stephen2324: Relationships are now more difficult than ever. Everyone is being wary and careful of the other person. Men don't trust ladies and ladies don't trust men. Everyone is on the edge, suspicious of the words and actions of other person. Distrust everywhere.
Voluntary unions are now built on falsehood and distrust. No one wants to be the fool. No one wants to be the "mugu". Everyone wants to be the smart one.
The winner of this unfortunate battlefield is he who has the least emotions and who cares less. It is more sad when one realises that these are two species that are meant to work together in a physical and spiritual upbuilding but this is where we are today.
More sad is that, it will get worse as time passes because even these wrong values are being passed on to the younger generation who cling to it more firmly and build on it. Building on the wrong values with so much energy and talent, directed in the wrong direction. And when one seeks to find the root cause of this pain and scar we all bear, we end up going round in circles and plunging ourselves into the very entities that birthed these false attitudes. A vicious cycle.
We are like a legion of lost souls in a dark enclosed tunnel, getting in eachother's way just to find a way out but without a genuine desire to change from within.
No matter the fear of war, soldiers still go to wars
So no matter your fears, you still have to go into relationship and summount the obstacles if any
No relationship is made in heaven
Relationships are like buying a materials and tell the tailor how to sew the style you want
Starzzy: Do you think religious differences is a big factor in marriage?
Personally, I tend to lean towards atheism and I may end up with a devout Christian. What's the possibility of having a smooth marriage without issues relating to religion?
I also do not want my children to be religiously brainwashed. In this part of the world, its really hard to find a female atheist.
I can cope with this, but the problem is if my future wife would be able to cope too.
I was having a conversation with a girl the other day and she said that one of the things she looks out for in a guy is being a strong Christian.
She advised I look for a Caucasian but I'm not buying into the Caucasian stuff because I'm not cut out for that and the chances are remote. And then, she let me know that if I should go for a Christian, her pastor might be an obstacle to us getting married.
Currently, I'm flowing well with this Christian girl and would love to settle down with her.
Those who have faced this challenge should contribute to the discourse. Those who are of a different religions with their spisouse should tell us how they manage to cope.
Practice your artheism but allow her and the children to go to church because she must go to church with those children
And no one will support your beliefs if you refuse her going to church with those children
Princejydo: Good afternoon nairalander, pls in my apartment, the bore hole is sunk besides the soakaway and now the soakaway is full, and the water is usually coming out especially during the raining season. I want to ask that is it safe to drink the water. Though we have been drinking it since I got there around 2019 but now the soakaway is full and the caretaker has refused to do the needfull
I think the best option is to gather your self and dig another bore hole far from the soakaway
The remove the pumping marching in that old one and use it on the new one
Alakori07: Is it a wise decision to send my wife to the US on a student visa in the USA? She brought up a plan from a loan agency called MPower finance . The plan is to put in my information as the borrower and a payment plan will be set up in my name. She’s going for a Masters (resumption is January) and the 84M will take care of her tuition while I continue to send her support for her living expenses and rent. I have a good job in Nigeria and I don’t plan on leaving my job. We have no children yet and we’re planing to get get married as soon as she’s done with her study
spyroet: As a 35 years old man is it advisable to settle down with a much younger women maybe between 18 to 22 years old what are the advantage and disadvantages. pls advice needed.
If you can stand this age group rascality and craziness, then you will have more to contend with their drama
Alternatively, you can start go for 30, at this age they are willing to settle down with less drama
Samantha124: 1. Car sickness... If I'm traveling long distances, especially in the morning, I get sick... I start sweating, having short breath, getting nauseous and eventually throwing up... Same thing happens when I perceive the smell of cigarettes/weed.
Last time I threw up due to traveling long distances was this past Saturday, I had no choice because some things just had to be done in the morning, especially on weekends... As I was driving, I felt my condition getting worse but I had to keep driving because already I was running late... It was only when I felt that I couldn't keep up anymore that I parked on the roadside and threw up... I stayed outside the car for a while for some fresh air.
When I reached my destination, I started feeling better and the nausea started to suppress, only for this old man who smelled a cigarette/weed to come my way, I tolerated the smell hoping that he'll leave, but he just kept talking non-stop... The smell triggered the nausea again and before I knew it, I threw up for the second time... But fortunately, I had a sickness bag inside my hand bag because I always prepare myself for such situations whenever I'm traveling long distances.
It's like it runs within the family because I'm told that my maternal grandmother used to have the same condition, my aunt and sister are also experiencing the same thing... We have car sickness.
2. Nosebleeding... Like car sickness, this is something I've struggled with since I was a child... I could be playing, eating, sleeping, or just sitting back and doing nothing and my nose would just start bleeding... It used to be more frequent when I was a child, but as I got older it decreased to a point that I can now go a very long time without nose bleeding... But now some of my sisters' kids are experiencing the same problem.
Just last night I was talking to my 8 years old nephew over a video call when I noticed something coming out of his nose and it was blood... The boy wasn't even sick.
I've never met anyone outside of my family who can relate to having these two conditions... So I'm just curious to know if there's anyone who can relate in here.
The first one is called Motion sickness It occurs when your brain can't make sense of information sent from your eyes, ears and body. Lots of motion — in a car, airplane, boat, or even an amusement park ride — can make you feel queasy, clammy or sick to your stomach. Some people vomit. Being carsick, seasick or airsick is motion sickness.
Am the last born in my family and there are too many ups and downs and wahala in my family because it was a polygamous home and my father was one of the man I mistakenly ever met on earth and unlucky for me he is my father 😭😢 So how I wish I should start my life with my own fresh lineage from my wife and children. Like I don't want to be part of the father tree again.
I gave birth 3days ago and I don't want my son to bear my surname 🤔 I want my own name to be his surname so my father lineage will be cut off ☹️
Please is there any future implications in this decision? Or rather something bad behind this decision??
Thanks 😌
You have the full right to give your son any of your names as surname
Your wife too can as well bear the same name you want to change to
Oruebube2024: Good day nlanders,I will make this short as possible.
I arrived France early this year(January) for my postgraduate studies
Just after some months,I met an eu guy. It was love at first sight. He is good looking,well to do,takes care of me ,and infact I am begining to feel that the talk of western men not spending on women is a myth.
He proposed august and I was excited but worried about how fast things moved. I am yet to get used to this new environment .
I informed my parents but they are not as excited I am reasons being that they wanted me to settle with a Nigerian with papers. They have been citing how westerners don't value marriage,easily divorce etc but I am cool with him.
He plans to adopt my daughter and I bring her over,but my parents insist on my daughter growing in Nigeria till she is 18 so that she doesn't get polluted with LGBTQ,atheism and other strange influences .
I am really confused about everything and have been praying for God guidance.
What if the Nigerian men in diaspora are not forthcoming?but they don't see it this way.
I will be waiting in the comment section.
I think you should go ahead with your present guy if that's where you find love
You are the one in marriage not them
You can make yours last forever by doing everything possible for separation faults not to come from you
Though is God that guides marriages
As for your daughter, explain to your parents especially your mum that, that girl need to come over to visit you especially during long vacation holidays
With this, she will not be polluted for the brief period she will be staying on vacation with you
So that by the time she finishes there schooling here, she would have been matured enough not to let anyone mislead her
Family › Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by frozen70(f): 6:22pm On Sep 17, 2023
