₦airaland Forum

Acidosis:
It doesn't take a fulltime stay to scatter a marriage. Any in-law that wants to scatter your marriage can do so with a single phone call from the village.

By the way, we are talking about an 11 year old girl here, she's a child and she won't be in your house forever. I don't know about you, but family (some friends have become families) comes first before strangers. Do you think a stranger would want to live with you if you don't have the cash and resources?

Believe me it is more advisable to have someone you pay help out.

An 11yr old is still a child and needs attention and care. The Op needs to prepare to add that responsibility. And it is a choice. She has a right to refuse. The child's parents should handle their responsibility and stop trying to burden another family and causing trouble.

The one that gets to me is to civil servant with 6 children. Reminds me of a painter i knew with 9 children. They just become a burden to their relatives and society at large.

They now start looking foe who to send the children to and when someone refuses, they are seen as bad

courna:
easy na....

you get problem with op before

E get problem with everybody

Acidosis:
It's so funny how we judge people before we even get to know/meet them.

According to you, you and your hubby are still getting to know each other, so how come you've already known a far away in-law, a young and innocent kid you haven't even met and the possible outcome of your hubby's request?

This is one of the things I so much dislike about marriages. Most women these days just go into marriage with an already-made mindset about in-laws. These stereotypical mindset is passed down from their grandmom to their moms and now to them. There is no greater form of witchcraft than this nonsensical mindset.

Marriage is less complicated when relatives and inlaws keep their distance. They can visit and spend a few days but not to come live with you. Any little thing can become an insult especially with some inlaws(whether the man's inlaws or the woman's inlaws)

And in the home, it is the woman that usually feels the brunt of such decisions for someone to come and stay in the house.

It is better to have a neutral person come stay and act as a care giver or help. Someone you can easily ask to leave when they mess up without a family meeting being called on your head.

It is wise not to start what you cannot finish.

cococandy:
She doesn’t even owe them school fees. People are so fvcking entitled. it pisses me off

Really it is annoying when people feel they are entitled to your help.

mrblessed:
The job of attorney perfectly fits you very well. Someone asked the Op a question that emanated from her unguarded and needless comments, which she couldn't answer: that if the table is reserved, would hold such opinion about her relatives that are surviving? Nobody has the power to force her to do what she doesn't want, but we should be alert when implausible narrative is employed to justify what is wrong. I am being caution to "calm down" while your vindicating defence ignores the stereotype which compels the Op to profile her husband's relatives she barely knows. I am not surprised you fail to mildly chastise the Op, while pointing out many options available to Op. Maybe it is one of the ways of defending the womenfolk.

Firstly, i will ignore the cheeky comment.

Whether relative or inlaw, i do not subscribe to people sending off their children especially underage for other people to look after them. The parents are trying to shift responsibility to someone else who has her own responsibility.

And when it is an inlaw, it is more complicated because she will be put in a difficult position.

Op has a right to refuse. Taking in another person's child should be a choice and not something that should be imposed on her because someone somewhere feels entitled.

EzeIgboNwaChukwu:
is that ur alma mater?

Yes

Op i do not even agree with you sending money to the mum to start a business or whatever. She might end up depending so much on the business to care for the kids and still coming back to ask for school fees.

I say that because i know a woman with 3 sons and another one on the way, who started a business but is still not able to sustain it because she eats into more than the profit.

Please find out about the girl's school fees and make arrangements with your husband to pay the fees directly to the school to avoid the funds being diverted.

Wilfredpat22:
We women are really wicked honestly. What is wrong in helping your fellow woman out with her own kids and treating her child as her own. Your own child someone will do the same. I am sure you are Igbo, most igbo women are selfish and think about themselves.

When your husband faces small tribulation, it is still the same you that will go out and open your legs wide for every Dick, Tom and Harry.

Why do you always have to sound insultive when giving advice?

There is nothing wrong with having children according to your income. We get too sentimental about helping and it usually backfires.

mrblessed:
I find it shocking and unbelievable that the mother of a two months old baby has perfected a plan on how to maltreat and frustrate the daughter of another woman. Call it whatever you like, you are guilty of premeditated violence, and what you need to get to work is the arrival of the girl. Someone asked whether you would have hold such baleful and crude notions about the girl and her family if they are your relatives?

Calm down na!!

The owners of the child are responsible for their child and are in the best position to care for her but instead they have decided to keep having kids that they cannot take care off and trying to inconvenience someone else all in the name of helping.

OP should make arrangements with her hubby to pay school fees directly to the school for the girl while she stays with her parents.

When they share the children they have reared, they will make more babies since they can easily look for who to burden and send the children to for care taking.

DukeofNZ:
I understand you but am surprise you no answer if you believe say man be head of the house. Marriage no be patriarchal again? Many women here i ask if the believe man is head of house no answer.

The husband is the head of the house. Even a head needs the neck to function.

DukeofNZ:
Yes i agree if woman opinion is better. but what if the man believe his opinion is better and the woman also believe her opinion is better? also you believe the "egalitarian approach"? you believe the sharing of every bill and other thing equally? You will not feel bad if him tell you to go on big generating set today because him on am yesterday? If him tell you to climb a water tank reservoir and other thing like that?

or you believe the man is the head for house?

My idea for marriage is about having the other party's back. We are one and are working for the same purpose.

If we have different opinions, we have to weigh the options and pros and cons of each opinion and see which one works more conveniently at that time. There is no caste in stone.

We don't have a specific outline about sharing bills. When i was out of work, my hubby took care of everything without complaining or bossing me around. And when i get some money during that period, i go out and buy him things that he needs.

Marriage is what the husband and wife make it. If a couple wants to act like competitors and show themselves, it is their choice and the way they want to run the marriage.

In most cases when it relates to the family, the woman's opinions might even be better. A man doesn't have to feel threatened except there is competition between the couple.

93Miles:
The guy is sex starved. He knows there's no intelligent lady in Nigeria.

He's flattering em ladies into having free fvck with them.


Watch how ladies will fall for this trick.

Who hurt you Miles? Were you abused as a child?

Try to see a shrink.

Not only MB...broke asss babe...beggy beggy. Very annoying.

This story again...always recycling. If it is not your father sleeping with your wife, it is the houseboy.

If you can deep your thing into anything, you can deal with anything.

93Miles:
I won't be surprise if the student bleeps her. Nigerian ladies are ..........

Why do you always think the worst of ladies? You just always sound bitter and pained.

Try to lighten up and free yourself from "Nigerian ladies" hate. It will keep eating you up.

lefulefu:
Hm and the guys doing yahoo yahoo and yahoo+..if u ask dem why dem dey do such they will tell u dat they doing it cos naija babes dont wanna date broke men. Hmm na wao.

Forget that excuse.

So all the ladies getting married every week are marrying yahoo boys or rich guys? At all!!

It has been a norm for a long time. Too many bashing of women on this section.

They act like they hate us but they love us too much to leave us alone.

If they don't come to this thread to do their usual thing, it is probably because they are trying to prove you wrong

Welcome to Romance Section AKA "Women Obsession" "Whiny Guy Zone" ....

You can add yours

tayooluwole:
i raised a thread here days ago about how my girl friend of almost two years started avoiding me (https://www.nairaland.com/4714794/regret-loyalty-girl-friend-crying ). She has changed her phone number. To cut it short, she has finally reunited with her immediate ex before me. But at first, she was claiming that her parents suddenly don't suppprt our relationship due to my home. We are from the same Osun State but different towns. I found this excuse so flimsy, so I decided to carry out research on what actually happened by secretly perusing her phone. This is when I discovered that she and her ex are now back together... Even she was busy fucking her ex while I was still sending her money...Sometimes she will demand money from me to go visit her ex. I confronted her with the fact I got, she could not deny further but only to beg me that I should just take her as my younger sister and we should forget about the past. I so much love this girl that i find other ladies disgusting as far as relationship is concerned. As i am, i am depresesd, I am rushing back to Lag tommorow to nurse the wound, cos as long as I remain in town, there is no way I will be coordinated... Woman finally got me and break my heart for the first time... I don't think I can ever love again in my life... I learnt my lesson in a bitter way. I learnt this her ex is married already oooo....but her motive behind re-uniting with him is what i don't know. THIS is a girl that we have been together for almost 2 years. Cos of little distance everything started changing. She even aborted for me 3 times on her own demand that she is still in school. Based on my experience with her, I never still beleive what is happening... All in all, lesson learnt, I don't think any lady deserve geniue love except the one you legally marry..

So how do you plan to do it? You date someone without loving them till the day you guys wed...then the love starts.

If you close your eyes to avoid seeing bad things when they pass, you will also miss the good ones.

Don't let one person break you. Life is so much more. Enjoy it.

tstx:
Break her heart too. tell her bf she has aborted for you not once, not twice, but three times. Atleast na wetim me go do

Like he would care. He is married

Tapout:
Not all na

Not all but a very good number.

That's why ladies bashing threads are always booming, sometimes up to 10 pages or more.

Fortunately, ladies do not return the favour. No time for pettiness.

Security risk. At least kidnappers know his school

Tapout:
don't mind the guy.... He spoke with her last week Monday and then on Wednesday when she called to demand tfare, he was already ill and could barely get out of bed for 2days. How? The whole write up is a poorly constructed lie. Dude is seeking a space on front page.

Knowing that guys here will fill the thread with bashing and take it to the front page.

What NL guys love to do best...bash ladies...their hobby

But you said she didn't know you were ill and she called you 15times and you didn't pick up.

Courtesy demands that you return the call whether you still want the relationship or not. That should be left for you to discuss with her.

Thank God that not all men are looking for slaves.

And ladies should be wise. No one is going to marry you because you cook, clean and send nudes.

After slaving, he might end up marrying that girl that has never washed his clothes or cooked for him.

lefulefu:
Haha @snake in the monkey shadow sex style. But i wont lie though..the lawyer guy made valid points. To say the truth i always feel sorry for young ladies wey go wash their guy boxers and jeans till her fingers turn raw..clean im kitchen and sittingroom and still cook for d guy plus give am d stuff in za oza room and d end of d day d guy still break up with her.mehn dat can be traumatic for a lady.

I just love this lawyer. He made plenty sense. A guy with a wounded ego because a babe turned him down will try to make her feel worthless.

Thank God that these days, girls are smarter and they don't condone such talk. The guys should go and marry someone that is ready to leave her father's house.

Frustration. Even stretched to the "Nigerian nation" .

Real frustration.

Xaos:
Only gold diggers will find this romantic.

Accept money.

Money is not bad

My CDS group is not here...the most fun and best group...volleyball.

We travelled for competitions, got the best and less stressful place of primary assignment.

I miss it

She took it too far. Traditional marriage is marriage. The rites have been done. Families have agreed...what is left?

And why make the white 6months after especially with the no sex thing? So they will live together for 6months and not have sex. They should've jist done everything the same day, white the next day or latest, a week after.

She used the guy to pay for her ex's sins.