I choose to ignore the "8 long years of joblessness" part of this story. Are you sure you have no major problem ? Otherwise why on earth would a woman bring in househelps one after another when you know your husband is sleeping around? Are you incapable of meeting his carnal needs? Else would he continue to sleep around with househelps when he knows you are fully aware of the situation ?I r'ber reading an article long back...it said kids and husbands turn out the way a mother/wife trains them. If you allow your man to raise his hand against you for no apparent reason, chances are he will remain to be a wife-beater forever. If you give-in to your kids' demands at the drop of a hat, they might live forever demanding everything at their fingertip. Your meaningful silence, reprimands, praises, support, love...if rightly used at the right time, all of this will bring about the desired result in the long run in your relationships with your husband and kids. Was really young when I read that and remember asking my friend whether these things would work out in real life. Seems the writer was right indeed, atleast in cases like yours. In your case, you have spoiled your husband beyond belief...allowed him to sit at home and hatch eggs for 8 goddamn years...spoiled him to to the extent of appointing young women to keep him busy in your absence. No point in crying over spilled milk.

Tit for tat will only worsen her current problem. She should have warned him sternly the first time he raised his hand. A word is mightier than a sword Has she tried talking to him? Not ' we need to talk' stuff. The talk that comes when the 2 of them r in an exceptionally good mood. Was he apologetic ?Did she tell you what caused the hitting ? Did he just lose his temper like that or was it the result of some heated discussion? If yes, what were they arguing about? There lies the clue to this problem. Whatever they were arguing about, the man has some issues with that 'topic'. Why did she say she will not leave her home for another woman? Is it her figment of imagination or does she have solid proof of 'another woman' ? Not every marital problem has to do with another woman/man. Being together for 13 years and doing it for the first time now,I feel there is something going wrong in his life. It could be his job, health, finances or some other personal issue, something she is unaware of. As his better half, she HAS to find out what it is and then act accordingly.

I don't understand some people here ! Who asked the woman to stay at home forever ? I couldn't find one single poster asking the woman to forget a career and stay at home all her life. Does asking her to consider the kids a blessing in anyway mean we who said that were lazy fat women ?? How do you know what kind of job we do and how much of stuff we go through before we call it a day? You want all of us to say 'oya send your 'stumbling blocks' packing to some motherless baby homes and dump your hubby before itz too late...then find a job and stay happy without any family forever'. Happy ? The very same you would've shouted that "desperate old hags" are trying to break homes :/

Yet another "---" said kids are not blessing from God, they are just a result of copulation and fertility and that no matter however u raise a kid, he/she will turn out what they r destined to be !!! Honestly, SMH at your immaturity. Wisdom doesn't come easily, but there is no harm in trying :/

Answer to your question is a big no. Where there is a will, there is a way. There are millions of women who work full-time and yet have happy homes with husband n kids. In your case, I'd say you shouldve planned your life before you started baby making. Children are a gift from God. Please never consider them as a hindrance to your goals or dream. You say you could've worked if they were not there. Probably. But do u think ur life would have been complete with just a few hundred thousands without any offspring?
After reading your post, I have just some questions for you-what exactly is your dream and goal? How old are your kids? Didn't you discuss your plans to work before marriage with your hubby? I feel you just need a source of income and you don't have any particular job interest in mind. Since your area of expertise is computer science, why don't you try to work from home ? Content writing, transcription etc etc ..It won't take you away from home whilst giving you the financial independence you need.

Fiction or not, these kind of things do happen. At least it is not unheard of.
Like mother, like daughter. The man was lucky to have escaped alive from these evil women.

I still do not understand the difference between an abortion and a morning after pill. In essence, aren't they both preventing a life from coming into this world? With all these abuses raining on this woman, I'm forced to believe Nigeria is turning into a country comprised only of responsible 'holier than thou' folks who hardly engage in pre-marital physical relation. I wonder if you'll would've blamed this girl the same way had this pregnancy been the result of a violation ?

OP, I still do not understand why you are with a man who cannot stand by you at one of your most trying phase in life yet, which has been caused by him at that. Stop associating with eunuchs like him. Ironically, millions of women are praying for your current 'problem'( there is even a thread in the family section where women trying to conceive have been discussing their physical and emotional plights) 23yrs is not a tender age (Many get married at that age) You are old and strong enough to be running a household, taking care of husband and kids. So its not as if you are some under aged teenager who is still developing physically and who is not mature enough to carry and give birth to a child. Strangers on internet forums cannot help you to make a decision; they can only offer suggestions. People here don't know who you are or what your ambitions are. People here don't know what sort of familial and financial background you come from. People here can't and won't be around to bear the consequences of whatever you decide to do with your pregnancy. So pray hard and ask God to give you the wisdom to make the right decision. Goodluck !

Lol...try gifting her a pack of huggies and then monitor how much diaper is being used.

If you suspect she is using your baby's diaper for her granddaughter, then she might as well be taking other stuff (baby food, toys etc) Could also be true that she's using only diapers instead of using cotton pants. Maybe she doesn't want to wash too many clothes. If I were you, AND IF THIS IS THE ONLY ISSUE I HAVE WITH HER, I'd just leave her with 2 huggies and lock up the carton/pack of huggies.

.

My dear, its only human to assume that grass is greener on the other side. Nobody is perfect and you say your HTB has some flaws. I'm sure you'd be having some flaws too (all of us do). Hope these thoughts haven't stemmed from the knowledge that you have a few guys on your 'waiting list'. You were single and available to your prospective suitors all these while and yet they chose to wait for the 'right time'. Chances are that the 'right time' would've never happened. I can bet my last penny on the fact that none of them would come forward to ask you out if you were to call off your wedding right now. I'd say forget those 'losers' who never took their chance and enjoy your life with your man.

A word of caution : Maybe you should keep your guy in the loop. You don't want some random guy telling him in future that his wife 'broke his heart'. I'm sure he won't be too pleased with the idea of having a serial 'heart breaker' for a wife

OP, I've got a question for you- Let's assume your HTB decided to pay for the wedding , but comes to you saying ' baby, we need to rent a house, can u pay the rent since I'm using all my money for our wedding ? " Would you still open a thread asking 'should I help my hubby to pay OUR rent?'

A word of caution IF this marriage takes place(esp to ur HTB) - draw a pre-nup. A lot of time and energy can be saved.

One of the most wonderful experience I've ever had I'll be ever grateful to him for the way he took care of me. Was literally pampered to bits ! Not just hubby, his entire family...still r'ber how embarrassed(n proud) I used to be during each ante natal visits coz of the army that accompanied me I thank my God for giving me such a wonderful family

I lost a dear friend this way, we got married around the same time and we did face difficulties in conceiving and used to discuss our problems. She used to be much more impatient coz she was much more senior to me. Maybe her impatience was infectious coz I was hardly a year into my marriage and I too started to worry but I thank god, I had my baby soon after and whn I broke the news my friend did not hide her bitterness. She stopped coming over, and the occassional calls were restricted to general topics. She never once asked about my baby after I gave birth nor came over to see the baby and eventually stopped the phone calls. I perfectly understand her feelings and even after all these years and I pray for her everyday, Hope she soon fulfils her dream of becoming a mother

tpia@:

i've removed myself from this chioma matter [na she understand what's going on] but can someone please advise these young girls going off to school, to stop engaging in illicit s.ex especially in nigeria.

there are men out there waiting for you to show up so they can get you pregnant and vamoose.

i've said my own oh- she who has ears let her hear.

eni a wi fun oba j'ogbo.

and if you no wan hear then nothing spoil either. Na either pregnancy or abortion go finish am, not so?

life is a learning experience.

in the olden days, girls did not get pregnant from october rush, but these days they do.

God bless you !

Yesterday at 09:41:59 AM »
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I have a baby girl who is just 5 days old,i am a student in a private University and i can't take her to school.Don't ask questions about why i brought her to the world,it is too late for that.Don't ask about her father,She has none except God.Please i am frustrated and i don't want to go dump her somewhere.I just need someone to take her away from me.Call me all sorts of name but please help by taking her away.I can't watch her suffer.She is in perfect health.


Yesterday at 10:04:39 AM »
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I don't live in Lagos.I don't know my way around here.I ran to Lagos to have the baby and because my roommate told me about a Doctor who can induce labour The Baby is 8months old.They were suspecting in school and can't risk having her while lecture is on.I'm sorry but pleae help


OP
How old is the lil one exactly? If you meant you delivered her in the 8th month of your pregnancy, isn't it a bit dangerous for the baby to be out so early? (assuming the baby is not in NICU) Premature babies are at increased risk for newborn health complications, esp respiratory problems as their lungs are not fully developed. The last thing to be recommended at this stage is the polluted Lagos air. Please take care !

Meanwhile, God bless the women who volunteered to help OP.

Lost my phones ( yeah 2 of them) today looks like a lot of thieves were on the loose today--morons

obongproff:


, I checked my back pocket and realised that my wallet had been stolen! I was so shocked. Frankly speaking, I didn't feel it moving out of my pocket.

I know how that feels How I wish the  MF who stole my phones falls off a building --and breaks his hands --the very same ones that took my phones--SOB Booooooooooo dunno if  I should be angry or sad

Ok, assuming your neighbour has just 1 gen, go ahead and spoil the gen

^my thoughts exactly !

I would be ashamed of myself if I don't post anything on this thread. I thank him for everyone and everything that has happened to me-my entire life is a testimony! How much do I thank him for his mercies? I worship a living God and my God is good--all the time !

So what exactly do you suggest? Foreign women stay out of NL& Nigerian men or Naija women start man hunting ? there is so much of lefulefu-ism in 190's posts :/

Siena:

You're a fine one to criticise, and call the OP's girlfriend a village girl. With the disjointed mix you've typed here - text-style writing, poor grammar, poor spacing and punctuation, you're in no position to pull anyone down.

In the public (In public).
A eating habit (An eating habit).

Besides, what's wrong with a village girl? We all originated from villages, regardless of where we were born. It pays to be humble, and not display the crass arrogance you've shown here. It's better to be a village girl, than an illiterate one.

SMH !

Well, the woman has to be tactful. She has to play along and agree to every word her MIL and hubby says and she should stop bringing up the topic of hospital for a few days. Then when they are fully convinced, just say she has had a dream or something about taking him to a certain doctor (she can discreetly find out about the best cardiologist around) and then convince them to meet the doctor. I'm sure God will forgive her for lying

So agree with posters saying the OP needs to stop being a baby and fend for himself. You are 24 years and not 24 months. One thing every child has to be taught from a very early age is to be responsibile. An irresponsibile human being is as good as an animal. This young man here has been probably spoonfed all his life, so expected it to continue the rest of his life and had a rude awakening.

If dad has money, good for him. He took care of you when he had to. If daddy were to find you a job, a wife etc, what good is the degree you have ?You could've saved all the time you wasted in securing a degree and used daddy's money to start some business much earlier.

Start with whatever job you can find. You can drive, so why not become a driver and make some money (good companies pay 60-70k) while you keep trying for jobs? I r'ber meeting a driver who was an Electronics Engineer ! The guy had the guts to do this job instead of weeping over the fact that he couldn't find a job befitting his qualification. Now that is what I call a brave human being. I'm sure his parents would have been proud of this boy. Stop waiting for the chicken changes daddy throws at you and start to fend for yourself and become a self respecting human being. Success will follow.

Abeg, your intentions would be good , but you are indirectly paving ways to wreck that woman's home. NO man would want his wife to confide their extreme private issues with another man (or woman), talkess of ex-boyfriend. Would you like your wife discussing your intimate life with her ex?   Whether she called you to confide her worries or to seek your assistance, you should think twice before getting involved in her issues if all you genuinely want is her well being.  As for their problem, it is for the man and his wife to sort out this issue. As a third party there is little you can do. You or for that matter nobody knows which of them or whether both of them has a problem. There are no shortcuts to get pregnant. If the normal techniques fail, you meet a doctor ! If she is so much concerned, she should have a heart to heart talk with her husband, and both of them should meet a good infertility specialist.

Report the b(!*&#(*!& before he does it again and again and again !I@#O!@U

Do you have a reason for not dating her? If you have, then think more about that reason each time she is around. Try to concentrate more on your differences than your similarities, get closer to other colleagues. If she wants to have lunch with you, invite another friend along, if she wants to read something from ur system, let her read first and then come back to read it when she is done, in short try to avoid being with her alone. Somehow I feel you are more of a loner. If that is the case, try making more friends both in and out of office. That should keep you engaged.

Fake or not,he did the right thing.

Infidelity ; physical and emotional abuse

^^ At such young age?

I guess big coloured wooden blocks will be good for both. Kids this age loves stacking and can further help them to learn counting etc

OP
Before you run away to your ex or stay with your wife for whom you have no "fellings", you should meet a doctor asap. Ask him ways to get your spine to stay in its place and how much you have suffered as a spineless man all your life. Explain to your doc how the spine disappeared when your parents asked you to break off with your ex, how it resurfaced when you mustered the courage to impregnate your wife inspite of not having any"fellings" for her, and how it has again disappeared when you are left to make a choice between a poor woman (who in all probablity left her career to take care of your child) and a vamp who waited for a child to come into the picture to call back and find out how the marriage is faring. [i]As if she has some antidote if there is a problem[/i]Mschewwwwwwww 
  On second thought, I think you should go back to your ex. A spinelss man would make a good husband to a home breaker.

Yes, you have a huge problem and you must end your relationship at once. The problem however is not the man, but you yourself. You yelled at a man in public and shamelessly passes on the blame to him of being an angry man. How exactly do you expect a man to react when yelled at , at home or in public? As if that was not enough, you still go on to blame some poor couple who passes by for your boyfriend's reaction ! How foolish can you become? You have all the qualities to make not just this one's but any man's life a living hell- anger issues, passing the blame on whoever comes across your way, making a mountain out of a molehill, failure to accept your own problems - go work on all of it and only then think about marriage !

N.B: Please work on your English as well, it is HORRIBLE !

When the baby is hungry and when there is absolutely no other way out, there is nothing wrong in breastfeeding in public. The mom could wear nursing undergarments , use a thin shawl or scarf , turn around from the public etc. There is nothing more annoying than a mom who forgets to cover up her body even after her lil one has had his fill and goes on to display her bosoms for the whole world to see.

Having said this, I remember reading about a mom who was flying out of her country for the first time with her 4 month old and she had to feed her baby during take off. The woman promptly used the blankets provided to cover up her parts while feeding the baby only to find out in a couple of minutes that her baby was suffocated to death !!!